Potpourri of InsanityPotpourri of InsanityVarious stuff ranging from cars to women to gadgets to jokes, etc... Articles
The Creation of Women...
2007-10-02 20:57:00 One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, 'Lord, I have a problem.''What's the problem, Adam?', God replies.'Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy''Why is that, Adam?', comes the reply from the heavens.'Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely.''Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you.''What's a 'woman', Lord?''This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your ... More About: Women , Creation
Fun Thoughts...
2007-09-28 12:39:00 Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?So what's the speed of dark?Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?How come abbreviated is such ... More About: Thoughts
A Doctor and a Lawyer...
2007-09-28 10:55:00 A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However,their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this,the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do u do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them", replied the lawyer, "and then i send them a bill".The doctor was shocked,but agreed to give it a try.The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer. More About: Lawyer , Doctor
I Don't Want To Know...!
2007-09-21 11:18:00 A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees."I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Super Cool Hot Tub...
2007-09-21 11:17:00 It?s one thing to have an outdoor viewable, waterproof LCD TV, but you can seriously up the bragging if that set is integrated right into your jacuzzi. For those that settle for only the best, Catalina Spas is offering up a ?61-inch Theater Spa,? which not only seats four very comfortably, but it also includes a 61-inch LCD HDTV that ?automatically stores along the side wall of the spa and raises and lowers for viewing.? Of course, considering that it?s ?priced upon request,? you should probably bring the bank if eying this one with any level of seriousness. More About: Cool , Super
Pam's At It Again...
2007-09-19 16:18:00 Super Milf Pamela Anderson claims she once lost $250 000 in a Las Vegas poker game. She said that she didn?t want to pay her debt, so she offered the guy sexual favours. Apparently he went for it and said he?d clear the debt if she made out with him. Make outs..? F*ck that! For 250 Grand I?d want her implants framed and mounted in my living room.
Take The Snake Test...
2007-09-19 15:45:00 Is there a better way to test if a person is afraid of snakes than making sure they are all female, get them to wear tiny bikinis and see if they scream? If there is a better way, please let me know. More About: Snake , Test
The Latest Lingo as Spoken on the Streets of India...
2007-09-19 15:43:00 Dear sir, with reference to your above see my below - popular opening line in official letters.Teachress - a female teacher.Timepass - a trivial activity that passes the time.She freaked out last night - she had a good time.Your lyrical missive has enveloped me in the sweet fragrance of our love - from a book advising lovers on how to write to girlfriends.How often do you take sex? - question from doctor to patient.Pritam Singh has left for his heavenly above - a death notice.Hue and Cry notice - title of police missing person newspaper advertisement.Don't do nuisance in public - government admonition against urinating in public More About: India , Streets , Spoken , The Streets , Poke
Quotes to Live By...
2007-09-16 15:25:00 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.Never test the depth of the water with both feet.If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.If you lend someone $20 and never see that person aga... More About: Quotes , Live , Quote
10 Things You Didn't Really Have to Know...
2007-09-14 09:05:00 1. The average human body comprises enough fat to make seven bars of soap, enough iron to make a medium sized nail, enough potassium to explode a toy cannon, enough lime to whitewash a small chicken coop, enough sugar to fill a jam jar, and enough sulfur to rid a dog of fleas.2. A complete skeleton is worth between $5,000 and $7,500 to a medical student; your skull alone would fetch only about $450.3. Your mouth produces about one quart of saliva per day.4. Demodex folliculorum has eight stumpy legs and a tail, is about a third of a millimeter long, and loves nothing more than to recline in the warm, oily pits of your hair follicles. Most adults have this mite, usually on the head, but especially in eyelashes. And often, they?re in nipples.5. You have approximately 4,000 wax glands in each ear.6. The average adult stool weighs about 4 ounces. And half of the bulk of your feces comprises the dead bodies of bacteria that live inside your intestines.7. The average male foot exudes half... More About: Things , Ally
How Not To Launch A $1.5 Million Dollar Yacht...
2007-09-12 19:27:00 I think you can safely say this wasn?t what the owner had in mind when he threw that ?launch party?. Actually, the yacht was being loaded onto a cargo ship for delivery when something went wrong and it crashed nose first into the ocean. Yeah, that?s gotta suck but probably not nearly as much as it did for the guy that went along for the ride (top right, rear of the boat). Great job by the photographer! More About: Dollar , Launch , Million , Doll
Volkswagen Polo Cabrio Concept...
2007-09-12 19:25:00 Perhaps to send Volkswagen a message of "Look how easy that was. . . we'll do it for you, too, if you pay us," Karmann has created a one-off Polo GTI cabriolet. The result - especially at the rear - is quite reminiscent of the last VW Cabrio sold here in the states, but with a sportier top-up roofline.The grander purpose of the concept, though, is to give Karmann a chance to show off some new convertible top technologies. Although it uses a soft fabric top, the Polo Cabrio boasts a glass sunroof just like the production Eos hardtop convertible. The concept also has an illuminated headliner and folding rear seats, just like in a hatchback.Those seats are possible thanks to a new Cabrio Overhead Protection System (COPS) that is not only safe, it doesn't require a rigid rear seat to support the structure of the car as a whole. More About: Volkswagen Polo , Concept
Things You Don't Want to Hear at the Tattoo Parlor...
2007-09-11 18:33:00 * Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE.* We're all out of red, so I used pink.* There are 2 Os in Bob, right?* Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."* That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie.* Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups.* Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here.* I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before.* The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect.* Oops.... More About: Tattoo , Hear , Things
An Interesting Study...
2007-09-11 18:30:00 A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.No further studies are planned at this time. More About: Interesting , Study , Eres
How Many Women...?
2007-09-11 18:29:00 A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?""Sixteen," the boy responded.His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you know that?""Easy," the little boy said."All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." More About: Women
True Stories from the Emergency Room...
2007-09-06 05:47:00 A man in his mid-fifties did a Loraina Bobbit on himself in a drunken rage and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition. The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on. During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from the man's poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the officer was able to retrieve the man's jewels from the dog's mouth. After inspection of the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be taught to pee while sitting (if you know what I mean). The officer was given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance.A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!" At this the grandmother started to cry and the baby's fath... More About: Stories , Emergency Room , True , Room , Merge
10 Big Lessons from Little Kids...
2007-09-06 05:46:00 1. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Even when there?s not a prize in the bottom of the box.2. Homework blows. Bring work home with you and it?ll ruin your night. And your marriage. And your family. And your life.3. The only way to know how something works is to completely disassemble it. (This is still good advice when tackling a complex problem. Your plasma TV? Not so much).4. There?s a reason they don?t give credit cards to 8-year-olds. You?re supposed to save up money before you buy a new toy.5. Asking questions is how you figure things out. Lots and lots of questions.6. The coolest adults were the ones who took the time to listen to you. You still want to grow up to be a cool adult, right?7. Your body was designed for throwing baseballs, shooting hoops, and jumping off diving boards and stuff. In the secret language of children, the word ?fitness? doesn?t exist. It?s called ?having fun.?8. Playtime is important and laughter feels good.9. Too much of anything will... More About: Kids , Lessons , Litt
Damn Wind...
2007-09-05 09:00:00 A priest is playing golf, followed by his devoted caddie. He takes a swing and hits the ball. But while in the air, the wind starts to blow and the balls falls in a lake. The priest, very mad, says, "damn wind!!"The caddie, surprised, says "Sir, please, why did you say such profanity?!" The priest asks the caddie to forgive him, gets on his knees and prays for forgiveness from God.A little later, the priest hits another good drive. Again, the wind starts to blow and this time the ball falls in the woods. The priest sighs and again, says : "damn wind!!" The caddie, just as surprised as the first time, says, "Sir, please, do stop saying such profanity!" The priest then looks at his caddie, and raises his hands towards the sky, asking God to forgive him.Suddenly, the sky covers with grey and dark clouds, there's a clap of thunder, and a lightning bolt strikes the caddie to death.The priest, not believing his eyes, falls to his knees and screams to the sky : "Oh Lord, what has this poo... More About: Wind , Damn
Sipho...
2007-09-04 06:43:00 Sipho applied for an engineering position at a Chamdor refinery.An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager.Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.The manager went to Sipho ! and said : "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the American the job."Sipho asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being South Africa, and me being a local boy, I should get the job!"The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."Sipho then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"The manager replied: "Sipho, it's like this... on question #4, the American put down, "I don't know.", and you put down, "Neither do I."
One Year Ago...
2007-09-03 06:16:00 Today is my one year anniversary in Dubai... Only (already) a year ago I arrived, so completely intrigued and excited but sad to leave home. It was still one of the hardest decisions I've made - to leave. And looking back from where I am now: I still don't know whether I made the right decision... More About: Year
Jealousy Makes You Ugly...
2007-08-31 12:05:00 Yes, it's been a while since I've posted on here but there's something important that I have to say..... This site is NOT intended for children and it never was in the first place!If you don't like this site and you hate everything it represents, then don't come here! We don't ask you to wander around the site and we don't force you to read all of the repulsive things you don't agree with. If that's how you feel, then you really don't need to come to this site! If you come to see pictures, then just look at them and go away. We're not asking anyone to agree with us and we don't need anyone's permission to post what we want. We don't need you to tell us how to run this site and everything you find wrong with it. In my opinion you are merely expressing your jealousy. So either you like us or you get the fcuk out!Thank you to the few whom genuinely appreciate our existence, we are grateful for your support!- Mr R (with a capital "R") More About: Jealousy , Ugly , Jealous
Did Ya Miss Me...?
2007-08-29 20:46:00 It was just last week when we posted something about her, but it feels like weeks? More About: Miss , Miss Me
Indian Mob Beat and Whip Thief...
2007-08-29 20:36:00 Shocking video footage has been broadcast of Indian police and a mob of civilians as they punched and kicked a man accused of stealing a gold chain.He was then tied him to a motorcycle and dragged down a street.Despicable, feral behaviour... I'm convinced I'm not Indian! More About: Beat , Whip , Thief
900 Abacus Watch...
2007-08-29 20:30:00 With an element of play, and allows the concept of time to be demonstrated. The point in time is presented by the fixed position of the ball. The length of time is interpreted by the free movement of the ball across the face of the watch. The ABACUS was created in the studio of the designer Roy Schafer, and is produced - in genuine Made in Germany quality- by the Erich Lacher Watch Factory, Pforzheim. The ball moves to and fro across the face of the watch with the flow of the wearer's arm movements, but as soon as the ABACUS reaches a horizontal position, the ball moves as if by magic - or at least by magnetism - to the right point in time. A high grade quartz movement steers the ball exactly across the face, protected by mineral or sapphire glass. The stainless steel case and high quality leather strap ensure that it will be pleasant to wear.The ABACUS is water-resistant to a depth of 30 meters.
Crosswalk Madness... (Brilliant)
2007-08-29 20:16:00 94 high school students in Austin, Minnesota pulled this prank by way of an underground tunnel connecting the two school buildings. Great stuff! More About: Brilliant , Madness
But You Kids Never Listen...
More articles from this author:2007-08-29 20:10:00 A MAN whose heart stopped after he consumed eight Red Bull energy drinks in five hours has called for an overhaul of the product's warning labels.Matthew Penbross, 28, collapsed after downing the popular drinks, each containing 80 milligrams of caffeine, last Sunday.He drank the Red Bull while competing in a motocross event on the state's Mid North Coast.His heart stopped and he needed defibrillation from ambulance officers.Now facing six weeks off work, he said warning labels on the products should be revamped to alert people that excessive consumption could lead to death. Labels currently warn against consuming more than two cans, or 1.5 bottles a day, without describing the consequences."They say [on energy drink labels] don't have more than this much," Mr Penbross said."But they don't say if you have too much, what will happen."Dr Malcolm Barlow, a cardiologist who treated Mr Penbross at Newcastle's John Hunter Hospital, said it appeared excessive consumption of energy drin... More About: Kids , Listen 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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