Potpourri of Insanity

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Celebrity Prank Calls...
2007-07-11 08:19:00
Using recorded voices of famous people to carry on phone conversations. Funny stuff. Some might not be safe for work.Richard Simmons calls a redneckMr. T calls a tow truck companyArnold Schwarzenegger calls a drunk (NSFW )Joe Pesci calls a black guy (Definitely NSFW ? Very, very bad language)
More About: Celebrity , Prank , Calls , Prank Calls

Harry Potter is All Grown Up...
2007-07-10 11:26:00
Bwahahahahahaha...
More About: Harry Potter , Potter , Harry , Otter , Grown

Humor for Lexophiles...
2007-07-10 11:22:00
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his workTo write with a broken pencil is pointless.When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky groundThe ...
More About: Humor , Humo

Think Before You Speak...
2007-07-10 11:08:00
WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"HUSBAND: "Of course I do."WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."WIFE: - - -silence - -HUSBAND: "Shit."
More About: Speak , Peak , Fore

Conversation Before and After Marriage...
2007-07-10 11:07:00
Before the marriage:He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.She: Do you want me to leave?He: NO! Don't even think about it.She: Do you love me?He: Of course!She: Have you ever cheated on me?He: NO! Why you even asking?She: Will you kiss me?He: Yes!She: Will you hit me?He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!She: Can I trust you?He: Yes.Now for after the marriage conversation you can read it in reverse order.
More About: Marriage , Fore , Conversation , Before and After

Rose...
2007-07-10 11:06:00
Two old duffers and their wives are visiting.One old boy asks the other "What was the name of that boat you used to have?"The octogenarian mulls it over, then responds: "What's the name of that flower, smells good, has pretty petals and thorns on the stems?""Rose .""Yeah. Hey Rose, what's the name of that boat we used to have?"

Bar Talk...
2007-07-10 11:05:00
A visiting conventioneer from Kentucky walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman."Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?""Get lost," she remarked, "I am a lesbian.""Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
More About: Talk

Deer-Catching Bird...
2007-07-04 05:59:00
Some might find this squeamish. It?s a big bird?and he brings down that deer.This hunter is able to catch and kill a deer using a bird...
More About: Deer , Bird

In Memory of Him...
2007-07-04 05:50:00
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
More About: Memory , Memo , In Memory

Things to Learn and Remember...
2007-07-04 05:42:00
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft . house 4 inches deep.2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few a times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.9. A six-year old boy can start a fire wit...
More About: Things , Learn , Thing

Cornfield on Cocaine...
2007-07-04 05:39:00
A driver who was high on cocaine destroyed an entire cornfield in an attempt to escape from the police.Four police cars were destroyed before the 35-year-old crashed into a ditch and was arrested, near the village of Dussen in the south of the Netherlands.
More About: Cocaine , Field , Caine

They Call Him Prince Charles...
2007-07-04 05:38:00
Year 19811. Prince Charles got married.2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament4. Pope died.Year 20051. Prince Charles got married.2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.!3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.4. Pope died.IN THE FUTURE, IF PRINCE CHARLES DECIDES TO MARRY, SOMEBODY PLEASE WARN THE POPE.
More About: Call , Arles

What the Teacher Says? And What She Really Means...
2007-07-04 05:31:00
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates. (He was caught cheating on a test).2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging c...
More About: Teacher , Really , Teac , Ally

Its a crazy world!!!!
2007-07-03 13:00:00
Plus Vat !!!!!!and this you will only find on the West Rand ne!!!!!
More About: World , Crazy

It's Over...
2007-06-22 09:45:00
All good things must come to an end and so has this blog. This is officially my last post on this blog. It is with significant regret that I do this because it has been a profoundly satisfying endeavor for me.This was my first blog and it has been active for almost a year. I have enjoyed blogging here but now it is time to say adieu even though there are no specific reasons for doing so...................................Than k you all for reading and frequently visiting. Without you, I would've never reached 10, 000 visitors in such short time.This was fun while it lasted and with a sinking heart I bid you GOODBYE!All the best,- Rushil

HOOTERS to Open in Dubai...
2007-06-22 09:27:00
Dubai: Hooters, a US restaurant chain famous for its scantily clad waitresses, may open this year in Dubai as it expands to the Arabic peninsula for the first time, the company's local partner said on Tuesday."I am trying to secure a location to open one restaurant this year. A year from now I will have two to three potential locations," Jamal Al Shaheen, a Kuwaiti investor, who has the franchise rights for Hooters in Dubai, told Dow Jones Newswires.Waitresses at Hooters, which describes itself as a "beach-theme" restaurant, wear tight revealing tank tops and skimpy shorts.Al Shaheen said the original plan was to open a restaurant on Dubai's Palm Jumeirah. But delays on the gigantic construction site caused him to opt for a new location on the city's glitzy Jumeirah Beach Road.The new location for Dubai's first Hooters ought to be sealed by summer's end, Al Shaheen said, and the restaurant should open about six months later.Al-Shaheen, a partner in Kuwaiti firm Marketing Manage...
More About: Open , Dubai

Boat with Ferrari F430 Power Breaks Two World Records...
2007-06-21 12:23:00
A Granturismo boat powered by a Ferrari F430 V8 engine has established two new world water speed records on Lake Como in Italy. At the helm was Eugenio Molinari, who navigated the boat in two separate categories, managing the fastest average speeds for the running kilometer both times. In the 1,100kg weight division, Molinari managed an average speed of 123.3km/h. For the heavier 1,450kg class, the boat needed to be weighed down with ballast but still managed an average speed of 122km/h.The boat was running a production version of the 4.3L V8 engine from the Ferrari F430, but with slight modifications to enable it to be used on water. Displacing exactly 4308cc, the mid-mounted engine develops 490bhp at a lofty 8,500rpm with max torque of 465Nm at 5,250rpm.At the end of the event, 71 year old Molinari dedicated the achievement to Ferrari boss Luca di Montezemolo and the brand?s 60th anniversary.Ferrari engines have been used to power boats as early as 1953, when a 375 F1 engine was f...
More About: Power , World , Boat , Breaks

Why Are Pound and Ounce Abbreviated "lb." and "oz"...
2007-06-21 07:16:00
?Lb.? stands for libra, the basic unit of Roman weight, from which our present-day pound derives. The libra weighed a little under 12 ounces avoirdupois.?Oz.? stands for the Italian onza, ounce. It came into use in the 15th century. Ounce comes from the Latin uncia, a 12th, which is also the source of the term ?inch.?
More About: Pound

Sexual Harassment...
2007-06-21 07:15:00
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it and takes her complaint to a supervisor and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
More About: Sexual , Sexual Harassment , Harassment , Aras , Hara

Doctors Orders...
2007-06-21 07:13:00
Bill's friend Harry says to the bartender, "A glass of your finest Less, please.""Less? Never heard of it.""C'mon, sure you have.""No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?""I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink Less."
More About: Doctors , Doctor , Order , Orders

Teen Unplugs 'NOISY' Life Support Machine...
2007-06-21 07:07:00
A teenager in intensive care unplugged his neighbour's life support machine because the noise was keeping him awake.Frederik Moelner, 17, said he had been trying to sleep as he recovered from a car crash but the noise of the life support machine as it helped 76-year-old Hermann Berghof breathe kept waking him up.A police spokesman from Landshut in southern Germany said: "He told us the noise was getting on his nerves and he thought this was the best way to make sure he got peace and quiet."Luckily the medical staff acted promptly and reconnected the life support machine. If there had been any delay the old man could have died."Moelner is now being questioned by police.
More About: Life , Machine , Support , Mach

J O K E R . . .
2007-06-19 09:59:00
Anyone recognise this clown?Clue: The original photograph was taken on the night before the FSA...

Morris Minor...
2007-06-19 07:55:00
Morris, an 82 year old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the streetwith a gorgeous young woman on his arm.A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you ?"Morris replied, " Just doing what you said, Doc : Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."The doctor said, " I didn't say that. I said, :You've got a heart murmur, be careful !!' "
More About: Morris , Minor

Things a Man Should Never Do After the Age of 30...
2007-06-19 07:54:00
1. Use the word party as a verb.2. Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.3. Crash on a friend's floor or couch.4. Refer to breasts as "chesticles."5. Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.6. Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.7. Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.8. Fall asleep in public.9. Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"
More About: Things , Thing , The A , A Man

Things I've Learned As I've Aged...
2007-06-18 08:15:00
Age 5I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.Age 7I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.Age 12I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.Age 14I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.Age 15I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.Age 24I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.Age 26I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.Age 29I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.Age 30I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.Age 42I've learned that you can make some one...
More About: Things , Thing , Learned

A Belated Happy Father's Day...
2007-06-18 08:12:00
A small boy is sent to bed by his father...[Five minutes later]"Da-ad...""What?""I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?""No. You had your chance. Lights out."[Five minutes later]"Da-aaaad...""WHAT?"}"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??""I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"[Five minutes later]"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD...""WHAT??!!""When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."
More About: Happy , Late , S Day , Fath

Geri and Her Giant Trainer...
2007-06-14 08:25:00
Jou Monster...
More About: Giant , Trainer , Geri , TRAI

Childhood Lessons...
2007-06-13 20:36:00
The best place to be when you're sad is with your dog.Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.Reading what people write on desks can get you through the test.Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.You can't hide broccoli in a glass of milk.School lunches stick to the wall.Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.Never say "Last one is a rotten egg" unless you're absolutely sure someone is slower than you.It's impossible to unlearn a bad word.If you want a kitten or puppy, start out by asking for a horse.Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.You can't start over just because you're los...
More About: Childhood , Less , Sons , Lesson , Lessons

The Pharmacist...
2007-06-13 05:34:00
A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy and walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."The pharmacist's eyes got big, and he exclaimed, "Lord, have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
More About: Harm , Arma

Q&A for Those 50 and Over...
2007-06-12 22:33:00
Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?A: Try a bookstore under fictionQ: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?A: Tell him you're pregnant.Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?A: Their foreheads.Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds...