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Bipolarchick.net - Reflections of a Crazy Life

Bipolarchick.net - Reflections of a Crazy Life
Young woman blogging about her life, being bipolar, self-injury, recovery, triggers, fear, failure, past abuse, relationships, dating, sexcapades, current struggles & other issues, as well as advocating for others diagnosed with mental illness.

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Articles

Scars Remind Us…
2008-01-20 08:35:00
I feel blazed outI’m sitting home on a Saturday night, spending quality time with my other roommate and our computers. I wanted to go out earlier. I haven’t felt like going out in almost a month. Nonetheless, here I am… at home. (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts Self-Injury (1) Observations (0) I Cut Again (0) Confession (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 1) (2)
More About: Scars

Scars Remind Us?
2008-01-20 08:35:00
I feel blazed outI'm sitting home on a Saturday night, spending quality time with my other roommate and our computers. I wanted to go out earlier. I haven't felt like going out in almost a month. Nonetheless, here I am… at home. Since I didn't have the energy or courage to go bar hopping I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Scars Remind Us…", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/thoughts/20 08/01/20/scars-remind-us/" });
More About: Self-injury

Scars by Papa Roach
2008-01-20 05:10:00
I feel drainedI tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel Drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home Cause you ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Scars by Papa Roach ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/poetry-lyri cs/2008/01/19/scars-papa-roach/" });
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Scars by Papa Roach
2008-01-20 05:10:00
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts Why I Relapsed (Part 1) (2) Triggers (0) Rape: One Survivor’s Story of Shame (0) Post Breakup Letter to Raymond (0) My Interests and Preferred Pastimes (0)
More About: Scars , Papa , Papa Roach , Roach

Childhood Fantasies
2008-01-19 03:08:00
I feel like drowning my sorrowsWhen I was five years old my grandmother bought me a cabbage patch doll. The doll?s name was Ethel and she came with adoption papers. Prior to that I didn?t know what adoption meant. After my grandmother explained it to me I indulged myself with the fantasy that I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Childhood Fantasies ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/flashbacks/ 2008/01/18/childhood-fantasies/" });
More About: Flashbacks

Childhood Fantasies
2008-01-19 03:08:00
I feel like drowning my sorrowsWhen I was five years old my grandmother bought me a cabbage patch doll. The doll’s name was Ethel and she came with adoption papers. Prior to that I didn’t know what adoption meant. After my grandmother explained it to me I indulged myself with the fantasy that I was adopted and that my parents were not really my parents. (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts When Jennifer Met Raymond (part 2) (0) Rape: One Survivor’s Story of Shame (0) Forgiveness Group (0) Anniversary of My Sister's Death (0) A Buried Memory Returned to Haunt Me (0)
More About: Childhood , Fantasies

Mommy Dearest
2008-01-18 02:26:00
I feel enragedI regret letting my mother move in with me. I took her in because she lost her home and there was a Grand Canyon-sized gulf between us I wanted to bridge. I thought she may have changed and I wanted to forgive her for not protecting me when I was a child. Perhaps she did the best she could, but it obviously wasn’t enough. I still had many negative emotions toward her, but I seized the opportunity to rebuild our relationship despite my better judgment. I hoped that things would change between us and we could become closer to each other emotionally. (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts Triggers (0) Letting Go (4) Forgiveness Group (0) Rape: One Survivor’s Story of Shame (0) Observations (0)
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Anorgasmia
2008-01-17 01:02:00
I feel sexually frustratedMy psychiatrist added Lexapro to my growing number of medications about two months ago which is when my normally sky high sex drive plummeted almost into oblivion. Anyone who knows me or has poked around in my blog knows I'm very sexual; whether that is a symptom of bipolar disorder or ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Anorgasmia", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/thoughts/20 08/01/16/anorgasmia/" });
More About: Thoughts

Anorgasmia
2008-01-17 01:02:00
I feel sexually frustratedMy psychiatrist added Lexapro to my growing number of medications about two months ago which is when my normally sky high sex drive plummeted almost into oblivion. Anyone who knows me or has poked around in my blog knows I’m very sexual; whether that is a symptom of bipolar disorder or not is irrelevant. I enjoy sex very much; it is one of my favorite pastimes. (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts Where Do I Begin? (1) The Life of a Bipolar Chick (1) Progress Report (0) Official Diagnostic Signs for Bipolar Episodes and Bipolar Disorder (3) Observations (0)

I Refuse to Let Jeff Back into My Life
2008-01-15 06:19:00
I feel obstinate & angry & like beating someoneSonofabitch! I swear the fucker can read my mind or something. Here I was, sitting here minding my own business and all of a sudden a thought of Jeff intruded my mind and not even a minute later he signed on yahoo. The last time I thought of him after not seeing him a few weeks he messaged me less than a minute after the thought passed. That night ended up causing his exile from my life. I included a transcript of the conversation in a previous post. Which is here. (more…) Listen to this postShareThis Related posts Sex and Mania (Updated) (2) Jeff is a Prick (0) 2008 New Years Celebration (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 4) (0)
More About: Life , My Life , Back

Instant Gratification
2008-01-13 08:44:00
Instant gratification isn’t possible when it comes to recovery. I need to keep reminding myself that recovery takes time; whether it is recovery from physical illness, surgery, addiction or mental illness. It takes time to regain, reclaim, and recoup all that was lost while I tried to cope with the abuse, addictions, and mental illness on my own. (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts Recovery (0) Blog Info and Mission (0) Vulnerability (1) Violence and Mental Illness: The Facts (0) Types of Bipolar Disorder (0)

Instant Gratification
2008-01-13 08:44:00
I feel analytical Instant gratification isn't possible when it comes to recovery. I need to keep reminding myself that recovery takes time; whether it is recovery from physical illness, surgery, addiction or mental illness. It takes time to regain, reclaim, and recoup all that was lost while I tried to cope with the abuse, addictions, ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Instant Gratification", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/thoughts/20 08/01/13/instant-gratification/" });
More About: Recovery , Mental Health

Bipolarchick Unveiled
2008-01-12 12:26:00
I feel stealthyI've had several emails with people wanting to see some pics of me, other than my scars and cuts. So without further ado, here I am. Be nice Related posts Self-Injury (1) Scars Remind Us... (4) My New Pet (0) Meds (1) Meant for Each Other? (0) SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Bipolarchick Unveiled", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/misc/2008/0 1/12/bipolarchick-unveiled/" });

Bipolarchick Unveiled
2008-01-12 12:26:00
I’ve had several emails with people wanting to see some pics of me, other than my scars and cuts. So without further ado, here I am. Be nice (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts No related posts.

It's a Lonely Life
2008-01-11 16:37:00
I feel sad & lonely During my depressive episodes, I isolate myself from the entire world, including my loved ones. I lost many relationships and critically damaged several others because my illness. The familial relationships I have managed to maintain aren't as close as they could be. I never learned how to let someone ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "It's a Lonely Life ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/relationshi ps/2008/01/11/loneliness/" });
More About: Friends

It’s a Lonely Life
2008-01-11 16:37:00
During my depressive episodes, I isolate myself from the entire world, including my loved ones. I lost many relationships and critically damaged several others because my illness. The familial relationships I have managed to maintain aren’t as close as they could be. I never learned how to let someone into my inner world. Occasionally, I venture out of my not-so-happy place and try to re-join the world of the living, but it doesn’t tend to last very long. I retreat back into my reinforced steel shell because I cannot handle being close enough to rely on someone. (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts Letter to Mr. Johnson with Directv (3) The Life of a Bipolar Chick (1) Recap of 2007 (2) Post Breakup Letter to Raymond (0) Obloquy of a Cutter (4)
More About: Lonely

A Blog Review
2008-01-11 07:06:00
Current Mood: EsctaticLast year, before I got the hang of blogging, I had submitted my blog to a blog review site. I ended up regretting it because my blog was ripped to shreds, mostly because the layout. One of the reviewers even said that he’d send me a gun to kill myself with. Um yeah, that hit me pretty damn hard. However, I kept on keeping on despite what they or anyone else said about my blog or me. I won’t say other people’s opinions do not matter to me because they do to a certain extent. Yeah, I care about what people think… so sue me. I haven’t submitted my blog to any other sites since. To my surprise, I’ve racked up a lot of readers. I about fell out of my chair a little while ago because I was checking my stats and I saw that I was getting hits from *gasp* the site that ripped me a new one last year. My adrenaline began pumping. (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Why I Rel...
More About: Review , Blog

A Blog Review
2008-01-11 07:06:00
I feel thrilled & modestLast year, before I got the hang of blogging, I had submitted my blog to a blog review site. I ended up regretting it because my blog was ripped to shreds, mostly because the layout. One of the reviewers even said that he'd send me a gun to kill ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "A Blog Review ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/flashbacks/ 2008/01/11/a-blog-review/" });

Patrick
2008-01-10 15:53:00
I feel arousedA few days after Jeff and I called it quits last month Patrick had called me to let me know that he and his ex-wife were trying to work things out. I didn?t really care. Patrick and I had only been ?seeing? each other for about two weeks. Well, yesterday morning, a few ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Patrick", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/relationshi ps/2008/01/10/patrick/" });
More About: Relationships , Guys

Patrick
2008-01-10 15:53:00
A few days after Jeff and I called it quits last month Patrick had called me to let me know that he and his ex-wife were trying to work things out. I didn’t really care. Patrick and I had only been ‘seeing’ each other for about two weeks. Well, yesterday morning, a few minutes after I woke up there was a knock at my door. It sounded like a Jonathan knock so I was a little scared. I made Dudney answer it. He came to the bathroom and told me it was some guy wearing an exterminator uniform and he asking for me. I told Dudney to find out who it was. He came back and told me it was Patrick. I was quite surprised. I hadn’t thought about him since about two minutes after he told me he was getting back together with his ex. I invited him in, but I made sure Dudney was in the same room as us. (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts 2008 New Years Celebration (0) Vulnerability (1) Hyper-Vigilance (1) Good Party, Gone Bad (naughty as hell) (1) Why I Relap...

Recovery
2008-01-10 11:45:00
My path to recovery has been slippery at best. Intellectually, I know I shouldn’t be doing some of the things I am because they are perpetuating my symptoms. However, habits, especially unhealthy ones, are difficult to break. It may even be possible that I am sabotaging myself. (more…) Listen to this postShare This Related posts The Life of a Bipolar Chick (1) Relapse (2) Recap of 2007 (2) My Bio (0) Letter to Mr. Johnson with Directv (3)
More About: Recovery

Recovery
2008-01-10 11:45:00
I feel annoyedMy path to recovery has been slippery at best. Intellectually, I know I shouldn't be doing some of the things I am because they are perpetuating my symptoms. However, habits, especially unhealthy ones, are difficult to break. It may even be possible that I am sabotaging myself. When I was still seeing Charlotte1 ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Recovery ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/thoughts/20 08/01/10/recovery/" });
More About: Thoughts , Mental Health

I'm Almost Finished
2008-01-08 14:31:00
I feel excitedI have been busting my ass trying to get my blog back the way it was. I've accomplished a lot on the blog the past few days. I've added some new features and will be adding more as time permits. I still need to go through all the posts to make sure ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "I'm Almost Finished", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/misc/2008/0 1/08/almost-done/" });

I’m Almost Finished
2008-01-08 14:31:00
I have been busting my ass trying to get my blog back the way it was. I’ve accomplished a lot on the blog the past few days. I’ve added some new features and will be adding more as time permits. I still need to go through all the posts to make sure that all the tags are correct and other things like: fixing the links, fixing some plugins, add a new guestbook and forum, overhauling all four of my main sites,1 and adding the photo gallery I’ve been meaning to add for months. I appreciate your patience. I lost all my post ratings, views, and stats during the move, but that’s ok, I saved the posts and comments and that is what really mattered to me. It’s good to start fresh sometimes. I will be slowing down a bit this week because I’m taking a tax prep class and I have to study for certification. www.mercedesteele.com; www.bipolarchick.net; www.bipolarchick.com; www.bipolarchick.info [back] Listen to this postShare This Related posts Ice Storm...

10 Things You Can do to Fight Stigma
2008-01-08 06:02:00
“Stigma assumes many forms, both subtle and overt. It appears as prejudice and discrimination, fear, distrust, and stereotyping. It prompts many people to avoid working, socializing, and living with people who have a mental disorder. Stigma impedes people from seeking help for fear the confidentiality of their diagnosis or treatment will be breached. For our Nation to reduce the burden of mental illness, to improve access to care, and to achieve urgently needed knowledge about the brain, mind and behavior, STIGMA must no longer be tolerated.”1 (more…) U.S. Surgeon General’s Report on Mental Health, 1999 [back] Listen to this postShare This Related posts Back to Work (2) Rebuttal to Jordan's Accusations (4) Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Violence and Mental Illness: The Facts (0) The Life of a Bipolar Chick (1)
More About: Fight , Things

10 Things You Can do to Fight Stigma
2008-01-08 06:02:00
I feel preachy ?Stigma assumes many forms, both subtle and overt. It appears as prejudice and discrimination, fear, distrust, and stereotyping. It prompts many people to avoid working, socializing, and living with people who have a mental disorder. Stigma impedes people from seeking help for fear the confidentiality of their diagnosis or treatment will be ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "10 Things You Can do to Fight Stigma", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/mental-heal th/2008/01/07/fight-stigma/" });

I Fell Off the Wagon
2008-01-06 15:22:00
I swore off sex back on November 27th1, when Jeff and I decided to stop seeing each other. We had also agreed to break off ties because he was afraid I would tempt him to keep having sex. Apparently, he finds me irresistible. I missed him a bit which I wrote about in an earlier post2 (more…) I know the date because we ended our relationship via yahoo messenger and I keep a message archive [back]okay, it was a post I had backdated, but I had written it back in mid-December. [back] Listen to this postShare This Related posts Sex and Mania (Updated) (2) Patrick (0) Movie date with Jeff (0) Jeff… (0) Eager Beaver (2)
More About: Wagon

I Fell Off the Wagon
2008-01-06 15:22:00
I feel flirtyI swore off sex back on November 27th1, when Jeff and I decided to stop seeing each other. We had also agreed to break off ties because he was afraid I would tempt him to keep having sex. Apparently, he finds me irresistible. I missed him a bit which I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "I Fell Off the Wagon ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/events/2008 /01/06/i-fell-off-the-wagon/" });
More About: Events , Relationships , Guys

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