Bipolarchick.net - Reflections of a Crazy Life Bipolarchick.net - Reflections of a Crazy Life Young woman blogging about her life, being bipolar, self-injury, recovery, triggers, fear, failure, past abuse, relationships, dating, sexcapades, current struggles & other issues, as well as advocating for others diagnosed with mental illness. Articles
Whew!
2008-04-15 00:02:00 Current Mood: EsctaticOk, I got everything ftped. Yay! Now all the past posts are available, with the except of four or so posts I couldn’t recover. There is still work to be done. I’m working on my theme, plugins, and widgets right now. My blog will be restored to order very soon. After I complete that, I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Whew!", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/04/whe w/" });
Woohoo!
2008-04-14 20:20:00 I haven’t updated in about six weeks. I was too busy brooding over the loss of all my posts, plugins, themes, etc. It may seem unimportant to some people, but it devastated me. It almost felt like a part of me was maimed. I had put a shitload of work into my blog and right ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Woohoo!", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/04/fuc k_starback/" });
Hello world!
2008-03-04 09:30:00 Hey everyone! Sorry about the lack of posts. Some pathetic piece of shit who calls himself Starback corrupted my database and fucked everything up. Bear with me while I clean up his mess. SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Hello world!", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/03/hel lo-world/" }); More About: World , Hello World
Confusion
2008-02-20 21:29:00 I feel confuzzledI’m confused about my relationship with Greg. I like him, he treats me very well, he makes me laugh, and we have fun together, but there are some things that are negatively affecting our relationship. First of all, we have only been able to see each other on weekends because we work different shifts and he lives about 100 miles away. Lately, we haven’t been talking as often as we were in the beginning. We used to talk on the phone at least once a day, send several text messages per day, and then get online and chat when I got home from work. That hasn’t been happening this week. We have only been talking on the phone every couple days and when I get home from work he is in bed already so we haven’t been chatting on yahoo. We do still send text messages everyday, however, most of them are us talking dirty to each other. Second, I think Greg is fixated on our sex life. I don’t think he is using me for sex, but he wants it almost constantly when we see each ... More About: Confusion
An Evening with Greg and his Son
2008-02-17 11:46:00 I feel kinkyLast night was my date with Greg . I met his son, Bret, for the first time. I am good with kids, especially babies, but usually around his age (fourteen months) kids start avoiding strangers. Last weekend I tested Greg and now I have to face his test this weekend. I worried most of the day about how the evening would go and I feared that Bret wouldn't like me. Greg and I spoke several times during the day; I did my best to hide my anxiety about the upcoming evening. (more…) ShareThis Related posts Confusion (1) Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Triggers (0) Rape: One Survivor’s Story of Shame (0) Post Breakup Letter to Raymond (0) More About: Evening
Valentine's Day
2008-02-16 21:31:00 I feel infatuatedGreg and I didn't get to spend Valentine's Day together because I didn't get off work until almost midnight and he lives about a hundred miles away. We plan on spending time together tonight (his birthday), but he cannot spend the weekend because he has his son, Bret, this weekend. We're going to meet in Muskogee since it's about halfway between our homes. I got paid yesterday so after I got off work (at midnight), I went to Walgreen's to get my Adderall refilled and while waiting for it I decided to go shopping for Greg's Valentine's day and birthday gifts. I'm the only person I know who can dick around shopping in Walgreen's for almost three hours. It's been a long time since I've gone shopping for a man that wasn't kin to me and since we've only been together two weeks I had no idea what to get him. (more…) ShareThis Related posts My New Boyfriend (0) Confusion (1) An Evening w...
I Broke the News to My Guys
2008-02-11 21:11:00 Current Mood:I?ve told Erick, Dave, and Peter about Greg. Now I have to tell Tony. He?s going to be the hardest one to break it to. He thinks he?s in love with me. It took me a week to tell Erick and Peter. Since Peter is married it was easy to tell him. It was a ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "I Broke the News to My Guys ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/02/bre aking-news/" }); More About: Events , Relationships , The News
I Broke the News to My Guys
2008-02-11 21:11:00 I feel relievedI’ve told Erick, Dave, and Peter about Greg. Now I have to tell Tony. He’s going to be the hardest one to break it to. He thinks he’s in love with me. It took me a week to tell Erick and Peter. Since Peter is married it was easy to tell him. It was a little harder with Erick because there are still residual feelings between us. Dave was a complete and utter dickhead when I told him. I guess he expected me to wait around on him… don’t think so. I’ve included the message archives from when I told each of them about Greg. I told Dave on 2/08; Erick on 2/10; and Peter on 2/11. Dave Erick Peter ShareThis Related posts Sex and Mania (Updated) (2) Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 4) (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 3) (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 2) (0) More About: News , The News , Guys
My New Boyfriend
2008-02-07 20:30:00 Current Mood:I started talking to a guy named Greg around the middle of January. We met on yahoo messenger. I had sworn I wouldn’t do that anymore, but we had chatted quite a bit and we have a great deal of things in common. In addition, we are very attracted to one another. He asked ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "My New Boyfriend ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/02/new -bf/" }); More About: Events , Relationships , Guys , Tori
My New Boyfriend
2008-02-07 20:30:00 I feel enthralledI started talking to a guy named Greg around the middle of January. We met on yahoo messenger. I had sworn I wouldn't do that anymore, but we had chatted quite a bit and we have a great deal of things in common. In addition, we are very attracted to one another. He asked me out on a date a couple days before I recorded Jeff masturbating. I accepted and I was looking forward to it. We spoke everyday after that. We decided to go out on our first date the weekend after the Super Bowl because he had his son the weekend of the Super Bowl. We continued speaking everyday and the night before the Super Bowl he asked me if he could come down the next day after he dropped his son off at his mother’s apartment. He said he couldn’t wait another week to see me. I thought that was sweet and I was anxious to meet him in person as well. He lives about two hours away, in McAlester. (more…) ShareThis Related posts The Life of a Bipolar Chick (1) Characters (0) ... More About: Boyfriend
Life Goes On? Without Erick
2008-02-06 17:57:00 Current Mood:I hadn’t been talking to Erick too much between September and December. We talked, just not as frequently as we did this past August or before we split up so long ago. Back then we usually talked a minimum of three hours and as many as ten hours per day - every day. We ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Life Goes On… Without Erick", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/02/lif e-goes-on-without-erick/" }); More About: Events , Relationships , Guys
Life Goes On… Without Erick
2008-02-06 17:57:00 I feel ecstaticI hadn't been talking to Erick too much between September and December. We talked, just not as frequently as we did this past August or before we split up so long ago. Back then we usually talked a minimum of three hours and as many as ten hours per day - every day. We never ran out of things to talk about. Anyone who knows me or has dug around far enough into my blog knows that I wanted nothing more than to reconcile with Erick. I wanted that almost from the day we split up (four years ago) until very recently. In fact, a part of me still hopes to reconcile. However, that part has been getting smaller and smaller daily - since around November. I no longer feel butterflies or giddiness when I see him on yahoo messenger or if he leaves me offline messages. I no longer feel sad if he doesn't get online to talk to me several times a week. I no longer care if we have cybersex or not. I no longer care if he calls or comes to visit. I no longer think about him ev... More About: Life
My Return to Work at Directv
2008-02-05 16:15:00 Current Mood:Yesterday was my first day back at Directv . I had been out on medical leave since the end of October. I wasn’t really sure what to expect considering everything that has happened the past 13 months of my employment with the company. It’s been a rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure. For my sake, I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "My Return to Work at Directv", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/02/ret urn-to-directv/" }); More About: Events , Thoughts
My Return to Work at Directv
2008-02-05 16:15:00 I feel busy Yesterday was my first day back at Directv . I had been out on medical leave since the end of October. I wasn't really sure what to expect considering everything that has happened the past 13 months of my employment with the company. It's been a rollercoaster ride, that's for sure. For my sake, I am willing to wipe the slate clean. I hope they are willing to do the same. It takes too much energy to hold onto so much animosity. I've had my difficulties and differences of opinion with the company, but overall I have busted my ass to be an excellent employee for them. (more…) ShareThis Related posts Recovery (0) Recap of 2007 (2) My Job is Safe… For Now (3) My Bio (0) Letter to Mr. Johnson with Directv (3) More About: Work , Return , Rect
‘Hell Hath No Fury…’
2008-02-01 01:17:00 I feel naughty & mischievousAfter my day at the salon I was feeling good. When I got home I was bored so I got online and started writing about my day. I signed on to yahoo and saw that Jeff was online. The last time we spoke I told him that I never wanted him in my life again. I was looking damn good so I decided to message him. I wanted to show him what he would never have again. Maybe it was a bitch thing to do, but you what? I don’t give a flying rat’s ass. ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ He was a bit surprised that I messaged him, but I told him he could thank bipolar disorder for changing my mind. He bought it. We talked for a few minutes and he wanted to see my cam. We exchanged cams. He did all but drool when he saw me. The compliments were flying like an eagle through the sky. I didn’t show him anything except shoulders up, but apparently memories of my bedroom talents started flowing because he became rock hard. He showed me. I asked him to get n...
?Hell Hath No Fury??
2008-02-01 01:17:00 Current Mood: MischievousAfter my day at the salon I was feeling good. When I got home I was bored so I got online and started writing about my day. I signed on to yahoo and saw that Jeff was online. The last time we spoke I told him that I never wanted him in my ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "?Hell Hath No Fury ??", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/01/hel l-hath-no-fury/" }); More About: Guys , Hell Hath No Fury
I Finally Did It
2008-01-31 04:40:00 I feel happyAfter all that has been going on I decided it was time to pamper myself a little. I went to the salon and had my hair done very similar to the wig in my ‘Bipolarchick Unveiled’ post. I feel a lot better about myself. It’s amazing to me how different something as simple as a hairstyle change can make women feel more confident. After the dramatic hairdo change I decided to splurge a little bit more and have a manicure, pedicure, facial, eyebrow waxing, and massage. I left the salon with the song ‘I Feel Pretty’ stuck in my head. (more…) ShareThis Related posts Wellness After Hospitalization (0) Unfinished Letter to Nick (0) Understanding Hospitalization for Mental Health (0) Types of Bipolar Disorder (0) Top 10 Ways to Support Your Bipolar Mate (4) More About: Finally
I Finally Did It
2008-01-31 04:40:00 Current Mood:After all that has been going on I decided it was time to pamper myself a little. I went to the salon and had my hair done very similar to the wig in my ?Bipolarchick Unveiled? post. I feel a lot better about myself. It?s amazing to me how different something as simple as a ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "I Finally Did It", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/01/i-f inally-did-it/" });
My Family
2008-01-30 20:29:00 This scare with my uncle caused me to start thinking about my family and how I feel about them. I used to think that I had the most fucked up family in America and I was embarrassed to be related to them. I cared more about strangers than I did my own flesh and blood. I ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "My Family ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/relationshi ps/2008/01/30/my-family/" }); More About: Friends , My Family , Tori
My Family
2008-01-30 20:29:00 Current Mood:This scare with my uncle caused me to start thinking about my family and how I feel about them. I used to think that I had the most fucked up family in America and I was embarrassed to be related to them. I cared more about strangers than I did my own flesh and ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "My Family ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/2008/01/my- family/" }); More About: Friends , My Family , Tori
Out of the Woods
2008-01-29 22:51:00 I feel relievedMy uncle is getting released from the hospital today. The heart attack did 65% damage to his heart so it wasn't strong enough for the heart cath. His cardiologist put him on Lasix and Coreg because congestive heart failure. They also removed almost 3 gallons of fluid from around his heart and ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Out of the Woods ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/relationshi ps/2008/01/29/out-of-the-woods/" }); More About: Friends
Take Me as I am by Tonic
2008-01-28 22:52:00 I am a music lover. The following song by Tonic is one of my favorites and it's very special to me. I should play this song to any potential boyfriends or lovers. Related posts Post Breakup Letter to Raymond (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 5) (0) Triggers (0) Survey I was told to do (0) Scars by Papa Roach (0) SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Take Me as I am by Tonic", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/poetry-lyri cs/2008/01/28/take-me-as-i-am-tonic/" });
Quick Update
2008-01-27 04:28:00 I feel like praying & nervousThanks for your thoughts and prayers. This is a difficult time for my family. My uncle is stable now and out of the I.C.U. His heart suffered 65% damage and they are going to do a heart cath to see what they can do for him. I'll update more as soon as we know more. Thanks again. ShareThis Related posts Why I Relapsed (Part 1) (3) When Jennifer Met Raymond (part 2) (0) What's Good For the Goose… (0) Update on Tori (2) Untitled (0) More About: Quick
Bad News
2008-01-26 04:35:00 I feel nervous & scared & upsetI got some bad news earlier. One of my uncles (Tori's dad) had a massive heart attack this morning and is in I.C.U. The doctors aren't certain whether he is going to pull through or not. He lives in San Antonio so we'll be driving down there tomorrow. I love road trips, but I doubt if I'm going to enjoy this 1200 mile (round trip) journey. I may not have the chance to post for a few days. ShareThis Related posts The Truth Uncovered (0) Our First Night in North Platte (0) On the Road Again (0) Impulsivity (0) Why I Relapsed (Part 1) (3) More About: News , Bad News
Annual Progress Report
2008-01-25 02:09:00 I feel hopeful & proud I began a long journey this day last year. I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital1 because it had come to the point that I had to choose whether I wanted to live or die. I chose life. It hasn?t been an easy journey thus far. In fact, it has ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Annual Progress Report ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/self-injury /2008/01/24/progress-eport/" }); More About: Recovery
Blogoversary
2008-01-23 08:41:00 I feel cheerful & like celebratingToday my blog turns a year old. It's been a helluva year. I appreciate my readers for being so understanding and non-judgmental. Thanks, guys! *Cheers* to another year of blogging. Related posts Ice Storm (0) I'm Back (4) I'm Almost Finished (0) I talked to Erick (0) I know, I know (0) SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Blogoversary", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/events/2008 /01/23/blogoversary/" });
Mothers
2008-01-23 00:08:00 I feel happyMy sister called me earlier. She wants me to watch McKayla tonight because she has a date. She hasn't been spending much time with her daughter lately because either she's working or going out. Honestly, I don't care if Jess goes out a couple times a week because that means I get ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Mothers ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/relationshi ps/2008/01/22/mothers/" }); More About: Friends
Taxes
2008-01-22 00:45:00 I feel hypomanicI volunteered to do taxes for broke dick people1 today. Community Action Project (CAP) is a local charity who helps low income families with housing, financial education classes, and free tax preparation. It was the first day they accepted clients. It was pretty slow because there were so many volunteers and it's ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Taxes ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/events/2008 /01/21/taxes/" });
Another Sad Anniversary
2008-01-21 06:20:00 I feel like crying & like drowning my sorrowsToday is the six year anniversary of my first (and hardest to handle) miscarriage. I have been sad and irritable all week and I know it's because I still mourn for my lost baby. I know I wasn't ready to be a mother, (hell, I'm ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Another Sad Anniversary ", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/flashbacks/ 2008/01/20/miscarraige-anniversary/" }); More About: Flashbacks
Self-injury vs Crying
More articles from this author:2008-01-21 03:45:00 I feel irritable & irritableSelf-injury , however unhealthy, does provide real relief. Crying leaves me feeling exhausted and ashamed. The relief I feel from it is minimal at best. On the other hand, When I would cut in the past there was a significant release that purged my heart of pain. I would also ...SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Self-injury vs Crying", url: "http://bipolarchick.net/blog/thoughts/20 08/01/20/self-injury-vs-crying/" }); More About: Injury 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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