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Ya You
2007-08-21 14:54:00
The other day, Carson became very insistent, saying "Ya you!" Tate and I just smiled and nodded at him since we were clueless as to what he was saying.But he was persistant. "Ya you! Ya you!!"We were also persistant, kindly nodding and smiling. Still clueless.Finally, he got up and ran to his room. When he returned, he was carrying a book.Guess How Much I Love You.He was trying to say, "I love you."And just when I thought my heart couldn't take anymore sweetness, last night at dinner he said to his sister, "Ya you baby Ella."It's official. My heart has melted.

A Very Simple Request
2007-08-21 05:14:00
I know that ALL bloggers in the blogosphere are reading this, so LISTEN UP!I'm very far behind in my blog reading. When you keep posting, I get even further behind. Shit, people it's ONLY Monday and my Google Reader has a major cramp. Seeing 100+ posts to read doesn't make me happy, it makes me ill. I'm up to my armpits in unread posts. My eyes are crossing from all this reading, my fingertips bleeding. (The part about my fingertips bleeding isn't true, that would be ridiculous.)Please EVERYONE take a week off from posting so that I can catch up. I don't see why the ENTIRE blogosphere can't take a break just FOR ME. Actually, I'm sure there are others that would appreciate the chance to catch up.No more posting until I say so, ya hear?
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Par-TAY at the House of Stank
2007-08-20 15:20:00
Remember awhile back when Tate was all gung-ho for us to host a party? Well, he finally wore me down enough and we had a lil' shindig here Saturday. It was actually a lot of fun. Usually I get so stressed from planning and cleaning and organizing and worrying about details that I end up not enjoying myself.Parties for me are dangerous, though. There's something about party food that makes my brain go into some sort of "starvation mode." I prepared and ate entirely too much food. Part of the problem is that I don't know how much food to prepare. I'm the type of person that would rather make too much food rather than not enough. There's something to be said for making enough food to feed a third world country, it would be seriously embarrassing to run out of food. But there is also something to be said for having too many leftovers. I made dozens of deviled eggs, a vat of coleslaw, a gazillion bar-ba-cued pork chops, and a full-to-the-brim crock pot full of baked beans. In fact, ...
More About: House , The House

Evidence That I'm a Slug
2007-08-18 14:44:00
I have a confession to make.I've been slacking on my Couch to 5K running program.Here are the reasons excuses why:1. It's hotter than hell right now.2. The heat makes me feel like I'm dying, when I'm only just jogging.3. I can only run when Tate is home and it's after dinnertime and bath time and bed time. By the time all that is done, it's 8 o'clock. And it's almost dark. It's scary to run in the dark in my neighborhood. There are loose dogs and this...4. Since it's dark, I can't see my watch and I end up trying to count the time I'm running. It goes something like this......15-one thousand, 16-one thousand, 17 one-thousand...(I'll lose my spot in counting because I'm close to death)...20 one-thousand, 42 one-thousand, 43 one-thousand, 60 one-thousand!I need to figure out a better system here.5. I'd rather eat Ben and Jerry's Banana Split ice cream.(Have you tried this ice cream? It may very well be worth a large ass, 'cause seriously, it's spectacular.)Here's on...
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I Should Have Stopped Him, Instead I Grabbed the Camera
2007-08-17 15:13:00
The house was eerily quiet. That's never a good sign when you have a toddler running amok.Here's what I found... Yep, that's Carson. Drinking out of the dog bowl.I should have stopped him, but instead I grabbed the camera.When he realized that it tasted nasty, he decided his feet needed a bath. Not sure of the logic behind this, but I'm not 21 months old, either.A proud, proud day...yet another ode to my exceptional parenting skills.
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Just the First in a Long Line of Embarrassing Moments
2007-08-16 15:04:00
Yesterday at the grocery store, Carson was pointing to some balloons while standing in line to check-out. He was gleefully shouting "blue star balloon, blue star balloon!!" A woman standing behind us was so impressed and said, "Wow! Did he just say blue star balloon! You're raising a smart little guy there!" Of course, I felt proud. Who doesn't love when they're complimented on their smart kid?! In fact, I like to take full credit for his near genius abilities, as surely they're a direct result of my superior parenting skills. *snort!*Instead of telling this lady about my obvious awesomeness, though, I just said, "Yes, his little mind is just like a sponge, he's always repeating everything he hears!" That part in italics becomes very important in just a moment...Carson decided to impress her some more. He pointed at something (I'm not sure exactly what he was pointing at specifically, it was just in the direction of the candy/magazines/junk area by the register.)And t...
More About: Long , Moments , Line , Barra

A Freebie
2007-08-16 04:18:00
Tate had some errands to run tonight. I don't know if I've ever been so excited as I was tonight, knowing I would be able to play on the Internet without feeling guilty.It's only been a short time since I've drastically cut down on my Internet time. And I gotta tell you, it's been a hard habit to break (you're going to have that Chicago song in your head now, aren't you?!). Every evening, Tate asks me if I need to do anything on the Internet and every night I lie and tell him "no." When we're watching TV, all I can think about is the blogs I'd rather be reading, the emails I need to answer, the posts I wish I were writing. I can't really focus on anything, I'm so preoccupied with the computer.I'm seriously addicted. It's like the forbidden fruit. I can't have it, so I want it more.I miss commenting and reading and writing. There aren't enough hours in the day to balance my love of all things blogging and being a wife.Clearly, I have issues.

I Completely Underestimated the Need
2007-08-15 14:53:00
First things first...our podcast had to be postponed. You can thank the Internet gods for this unexpected turn of events. We're trying to reschedule for tonight at 8:30 CST, but are at the mercy of said Internet gods, so cross your fingers that She cooperates.*******I feel there is a need for clarification regarding my post yesterday. Tate came home from work with his boxers all in a bunch since he apparently read yesterday's post. (Oh, I didn't tell you? Yep, he's reading now and he's told just about everyone he knows about my blog including the in-laws, his co-workers, even his boss. I'm waving hello to everyone!!!) Anyhow, yesterday's post certainly wasn't about TATE! Oh goodness, no! He would NEVER do ANY of those silly things OTHER men do to get their wimmins in the mood. No way! NOT Tate. *ahem*After reading all of yesterdays comments, I came to a sad realization. My idea for the women and sex tutorial was something that could be printed on something the size of an ind...
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Women and Sex: A Brief Tutorial
2007-08-14 14:54:00
In conversations with my girlfriends, we occasionally giggle about our husband's attempts at how to get us in the mood. It's become rather obvious that men seem to still need some assistance in this area. Since I am always trying to be helpful, I've devised this simple tutorial that could be handed out to men across the land. This is merely a rough draft, so readers, your input would be greatly appreciated...Women and Sex: A Brief Tutorial for MenI'd like to offer my expertise as a woman to help all of you men out there with your daily "agenda."We women know your "agenda" typically consists of"1) sex 2) eating 3) sex 4) sleeping, and 5) sex.Today we're going to discuss numbers 1, 3, and 5. Sex.(This is your cue Mom, Mother-in-law, any other family member reading to stop now. Visit one of these websites instead...You tube or HGTV or CabelasYou may come back tomorrow. Bye!)Now onto the tutorial...I understand that many of you men out there like things in order. Think of this as a...

Monday Morning Mess Makes Me Mad
2007-08-13 15:38:00
Every Monday morning I wake up with a pit in my stomach. I dread getting up to find the mess that inevitably awaits me. During the week, I manage to keep the house livable. Sure there's some clutter, but it's manageable. The junk mail is sorted, the tufts of dog hair are cleaned up, toys stay mostly in the playroom.Something very sinister happens over the weekend, though. The clutter appears to multiply. For some reason everything we get out from toys to shoes to breast pumps, never manages to find it's way back to it's intended location.The only variable between the weekdays and the weekend is TATE. (Cue the dramatic music..duh, duh, duh...) However, I certainly don't think it's fair to only blame him for all the clutter, for as I look around this morning, I see MY shoes, MY breast pump, MY water glass from the night before... Of course, I also see his socks, his pile of receipts on the counter, his unfinished weekend projects...But, it's not just the clutter. There...
More About: Morning , Onda , Monday Morning , Mess

Super! Juicy! Details!
2007-08-11 15:12:00
Last night was night one of Operation Get the Hell off the 'puter and Spend Some Time With the Man. The fun and excitement we shared is almost too steamy for one post. But, I'll try to keep it reader friendly. Heh.We watched Survivorman on TLC. We drank a few beers. We were losers and went to bed (TO GO TO SLEEP) at 9:30.The end.We're SO EXCITING! Um, yeah.Luckily, the evening certainly wasn't a waste of quality time! We learned a few survival skills in the (highly unlikely) event we're ever stuck in the Kalahari desert. Scorpions, once their stingers are removed, can be placed on a kabob, grilled, and eaten. Millipedes cannot be eaten as they are toxic (trace amounts of cyanide, apparently.) Your pee can be distilled for drinking. Beware of sleeping under trees because cape cobras could fall on your head. Also beware of sleeping on the ground where cape cobras and scorpions could crawl on you.I hope you'll find this knowledge useful, as well. I sure slept just a ...
More About: Super , Details , Tail , Tails

Getting Right
2007-08-10 15:06:00
I fear that this post may ramble. I'll do my best to keep it concise.(Oh great, Jennifer, tell people that you're going to ramble...that'll keep people reading. Jeez.)Anyway, as I was saying...I am a bit overwhelmed with so many things on my plate right now. Last night, I told Tate that I needed some alone time this weekend. His response wasn't what I expected.He was obviously irritated that I wanted to be alone and told me that he was hoping to spend time together this weekend since most of my time has been spent on the computer lately.Anger seered through me. How dare him accuse me of being on the computer too much! But then, I realized it wasn't anger I was actually feeling, but remorse and even embarrassment.The thing is, I have been spending too much time on the computer. As soon as the kids are in bed, I get on the computer. Every night, I say I'm just going to check my email. But every night, I end up spending nearly three hours on the computer. (This is after I've spe...

Toddler Independence = Oh Shit, Literally
2007-08-09 14:34:00
I had a whole post in the works about Carson's new found and charming independence.I was going to tell you all how endearing it is when he wants to pick out his shirt for the day. He usually picks his "baybaw" (baseball) shirts.I was going to tell you how adorable it is when he asks for a snack and can choose it on his own now. Most days he picks "baw" (nutri-grain bar). Some days he still wants cott cheeee.I was also going to tell you about his darling new request of not wearing his shirt or his shorts around the house. What did I care, he's at home, we're in Alabama for goodness sakes, most kids go around in just their diaper, right?!Then yesterday, this new found and charming independence became the menace I have feared.He's discovered that he can remove his diaper. Independently.Oh Shit is right!Stayed tuned for poop smearing stories which are sure to follow soon.Independence is seeming much less charming.
More About: Toddler , Literally , Ally

Afflicted With Overreactionitis
2007-08-07 15:02:00
On Friday night, I was absolutely positive that I'd killed my laptop. Dead. Never to be awakened again. Without warning, while I was clicking "next blog" on Blogger and accidentally landing on an unsavory porn sight, my computer went into hibernation mode. I checked to be sure the power cord was plugged into the computer, then into the wall. It refused to restart, instead flashing it's ominous blue light at me every time I pushed the power button. Panic set in! Tate had gone to bed early because he'd been feeling rotten, so I didn't want to awaken him just to tell him that I'd committed computer murder while accidentally looking at porn. I called my parents in tears, hoping they'd have a magic fix, even 11 hours away. They Googled "computer won't restart from hibernation mode" and found some things for me to try. Since I'm obviously computer-fixing impaired, I was too afraid to do any of the things they suggested.Next I called Geek Squad, sobbing. They have a 24 hour helplin...
More About: React , Reaction

Keeping in Touch With Their Peeps
2007-08-06 14:45:00
This weekend at the park, I witnessed an odd phenomenon. Please tell me if this is normal.Kids, I'd guess to be around eight or nine, walking around the park...talking on their cell phones. I'm pretty sure they weren't pretending and these phones appeared to be theirs and not their parent's. I don't know if I'm completely unhip. Are all pre-pubescent children so important that they must be in touch with their peeps at all times?? Has the fun of the playground been replaced by the cell phone?Seriously, is this the norm? Sure, I can understand getting my preteen a cell phone. But, a third grader? Uh, no, I don't think so.*******Please come show me the love over at MamaPop! I'll be posting twice a day so any time you can stop by will be much appreciated!
More About: Touch , Peep

Recap of Running: Day Two, A Tip, and A Plea
2007-08-05 17:25:00
Recap of Running : Day twoI f*cking did it. What more do you want from me?A Tip for those of you doing the Couch to 5K programDon't drink a margarita, three beers, and eat every last morsel on your overloaded plate of Mexican food the night before you plan to run.PleaTomorrow, I'm starting a gig over at MamaPop. I need your support like your boobies need the support of a good bra.Please come be my bra tomorrow.
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May the Meme R.I.P
2007-08-04 22:19:00
I'm taking a hiatus from doing memes for awhile, but for one last hurrah, I'm doing this 5 things meme.Auburn Gal Always tagged me for this one and since she's one of my blogging bff's, I wanted to end with hers...5 things I want to do before I die:1. Go to Hawaii and stay in a private bungalow, complete with butler, right on the beach2. See my children's' children3. Have thin thighs, either by exercise and diet or surgical removal of the lard firmly attached to my ass4. Take a cooking class, preferably a private lesson with Alton Brown5. Learn how to take a decent photograph5 things I can do:1. Belch like a man, you're impressed, I'm sure. (You should be.)2. Pick up things off the floor with my toes. Very handy when you have an infant who always seems to be nursing.3. Poop in front of an entourage. Again, you're impressed. Yadda yadda yadda.4. French braid my own hair. Too bad it's not 1982. It's a worthless skill in 2007.5. Sing the lyrics to most songs. Not well, thoug...
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My Future in T-Shirt Screenprinting
2007-08-03 15:18:00
In a move very unlike myself, I actually began my torture running program last night. Something about publishing my plans for my tens of readers (and my jiggly, cottage cheese ass) really motivated me.It's only been about twelve hours since I ran, but I'm wondering if it's normal to be very aware of the fact that I have knees. I've always known of their existence, but now it's as if I can feel them all the time. The same goes for my ankles and hips.Mostly it went well, although several times while running, I felt myself cursing. Since I was listening to music, I wasn't sure if I was saying these words loudly enough for my very religious neighbors to hear or if was was merely muttering them under my gasps for air.I began worrying that my neighbors could hear me, which actually had the positive effect of making the torture time pass more quickly. It occurred to me that I was probably going to need a T-shirt printed with this message (in case the neighbors were listening to my cu...
More About: Future , Shirt , T-Shirt , Cree

My Legs and I Thank You For Your Support
2007-08-02 14:45:00
I am twelve weeks post partum and I've barely lost any weight. I am still wearing my maternity shorts and jeans. By five weeks post partum with my son, I was already wearing a size that I hadn't worn since college. Please don't roll your eyes at me, I roll my eyes at myself enough as it is.I naively assumed that the weight would melt away like last time. Unfortunately, the cottage cheese on my behind appears to have been applied with super glue. I've been reading about Swistle's idea to do the Couch to 5K program and I would absolutely like to participate. It's just that I am better at coming up with reasons why I can't do this better than why I should and can do this...Reasons why I can't...1. It's 80 million degrees in Lower Alabama, making any outdoor activity really unpleasant.2. Running in and of itself is really unpleasant.3. I'm a slug.4. My fat would jiggle and that would be embarrassing for me and my neighbors.5. I don't know how I would make time for exercising....
More About: Support , Legs , Hank

Duck! Here Come the Bullets!!
2007-08-01 18:28:00
I have so many loose ends and half-finished posts and disjointed thoughts that I’m stealing the art of the bulleted post from Karly at Wiping Up Snot.Mrs. Flinger posted yesterday on a subject very near and dear to my heart. It was also the same topic that I had wanted to discuss today. Hot men!! Anyway, go tell her your top five men.I AM aware of the mother fricken, g*d darned problem many of you are having viewing my site through Internet Explorer. Since I’m nearly computer illiterate, I don’t know why. I hear viewing this site through Firefox or other browsers solves the problem. You can also press the back button or refresh the page, but DON’T MOVE THE BLOODY CURSOR UNTIL THE PAGE HAS FULLY LOADED or else. If anyone knows how to fix this problem, please tell me. Ella is twelve weeks old today!! I have not mentioned much about her lately so as not to jinx myself. I'm certainly not going to say anything now. Maybe when she's three, I'll tell you all about how at 9 week...
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July Perfect Post Awards
2007-08-01 15:07:00
As parents, we have all had those days where we've reached our breaking point. One more hassle, one more tantrum, one more problem will surely send us over the edge. I believe, though, that children do in fact have some sort of sense when our limit has been reached.Tulip Mom wrote this post that captured a day where her son somehow knew that she needed a break. With many errands to run, including a trip to the dreaded ENT, Sweet Boy was able to keep it together for his Mom. This is remarkable as her son has autism and counts on structure to function well each day. In her letter to Sweet Boy, she reminds us all that "Motherhood really is one of life's greatest joys".Congratulations Tulip Mom on your Perfect Post !Please go check out the best of the best from the month of July at Petroville and Suburban Turmoil!
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Karma Bit Us Them In the Ass
2007-07-31 15:23:00
Without implicating anyone I know, lets say that "Jenni" and her husband "Tater" and their two children "Cart" and "Ellie" were in a little fender bender recently. Said fender bender was not their fault and they were issued a check from the other driver's insurance company.As it turned out, "Tater" was able to easily buff out the scuff on the fender, leaving them with this insurance check."Tater" and I "Jenni" started dreaming of ways to spend this ill-received money...a new digital camera or money towards another laptop or maybe just put it in the bank.They decided to go for a new digital camera, one with 10 megapixels and a large screen and image stabilization. Oh how excited they were, dreaming of the beautiful photos they'd soon be able to take! The moments they would capture! They couldn't wait to make their camera purchase with the insurance check.Until later that evening when the garage door decided to go kaput. So much for spending the money on a digital camera.F*cki...
More About: Karma , Arma

Finding Peace at the Beach
2007-07-30 14:39:00
Yesterday, I let go.It's rare that I engage in risky behavior, especially the type of behavior that could lead to major regret on my part. Most outings with my children as of late fall into the category of risky, since they have left me stressed, sweating, and vowing to never take them in public again. EVER.But Sunday morning was beautiful and sunny. And the thought of spending the day inside doing the same things I do everyday...ugh.So we took a huge risk and loaded two very small children in the car and headed out on our adventure, to the beach. (Again, we have two very small children... a toddler dangling ever too close to the brink of the terrible twos and a recently emergent colic survivor).Very risky indeed. But so very worth it.There is something to be said for sea air, sand, and salt water. It works wonders on your psyche. And on your children.
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Hints from Hel...Jennifer!
2007-05-02 14:34:00
As a public service, I'd like to offer a few suggestions for the many urologists whom I'm absolutely positive read my blog each and everyday...Please offer magazines that possibly might interest your few female patients...especially when making them wait for one hour and fifteen minutes in a very tiny room. I am unable to read Field & Stream, Sports Illustrated, Car and Driver, and Men's Health. My eyes can't focus on things in which I have no interest. Don't be afraid of your pregnant, female patients. No, most of us females don't have dysfunctioning, limp dicks, not even close. But, it's highly unlikely that our unborn babies are going to suddenly fall from our female loins. We probably aren't even going to suddenly go into labor.It's not necessary to have that many posters of penises on your walls. I can certainly understand not wanting to further frustrate your "dysfunctional" male patients with a bunch of vagina posters. But really, I don't need to see that many diag...
More About: Jennifer , Hints

We Shall Never Speak of This Again
2007-05-01 15:02:00
Here's a snippet of some of the things I heard this past week...Overheard in the hall of the urologist's office yesterday...Doctor: Ms. Playgroupie is ready to have her stent removed.Nurse: I've never removed a stent before.Doctor: Oh, it's no big deal. You just pull it out. You've never done one, huh?Nurse: No.Doctor: It's easy. You'll be fine. She's right in there.The door opens.....******************************* ***************************************** ************A "conversation" with Tate.Me: "I like that new Volvo that has the ability to alert you if someone is in your car."Tate: "Wouldn't you know if someone is in your Vulva?"Me: "Not Vulva, Volvo."Tate: "Talking about Vulvas is much more fun."************************************ ***************************************** *******Overheard in a restaurant.Person 1: "Ewww, Do you smell that?"Person 2: "No, what? Oh, wait, ooooh gross."Person 1: "I think that kid sitting behind us crapped his pants."Person 2: "That smells ...
More About: Again , Speak , Ever , Hall , Never

Swallowing a Huge Bite of Humble Pie
2007-04-29 20:08:00
Remember this post where I worried about how I would let go of my need for things being done my way?Yeah, I guess you could say that being knocked on your ass has a way of making you appreciate every bit of help people offer.My in-laws drove all night to be here to care for Peanut so that I wouldn't have to worry about him being cared for. They are staying until after the baby is born. They could be here for over 3 weeks. I couldn't have made it these past few days without them.My kitchen linen drawer is not organized, nor are any of my cabinets. The dishwasher is being loaded "incorrectly". Peanut is a little off of his schedule.Guess what? I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. My MIL, who is just spectacular, has cooked, cleaned, tended to my family, and changed some king-size crap diapers. And she hasn't complained or criticized one time.I am so lucky to have this great support at a time that I so very much need it. This experience has made me swallow these petty c...
More About: Wing , Huge , Humble , Swallow , Humble Pie

I Am B.O.R.E.D
2007-04-28 22:55:00
As a result of the Spinal block I received for my surgery the other day, I'm unable to do anything but lie down. I can't sit up or walk without excruciating pain in my head. I've urged Tate to go ahead with the craniectomy, but he says it would be too messy and might "damage" Peanut. Whatever.So, anyway, here I lie. Bored. Why can't there be anything good on TV? There's not even a good movie on pay-per-view! The Cubs and Cardinals game is on TV, but their games always stress me out. (I have a severe aversion to the Cubs...sorry to any of my Chicago readers.)I would again like to thank each of you for all your kind words and encouragement through this sucky time. I will be making rounds and trying to thank all of you in your comments sections...it'll take some time.I hope next week to post something a smidge more entertaining than my woes. I'm getting bored with my own posts.

Mama Had a Kidney Stone
2007-04-27 13:11:00
And I thought labor was bad!Kidney stones, especially those blocking tubes making it so you can't pee, hurt way worse than labor ever hurt. Way worse. Like a million times worse.I remember very little from Wednesday. I do remember being in severe pain, unable to pee, and cussing. Lots and lots of cussing. I'm pretty sure I scared the bejeezus out of several nurses, doctors, ultrasound techs, X-ray techs, and especially Tate.Although I hated to, I agreed to 2 X-Rays (ended up getting 4), Demerol (which was completely worthless), some anti-inflammatory drug (very bad this close to delivery), and "surgery". Seeing as I didn't so much as take a Tums when I was pregnant with Peanut, I am quite worried about the side effects of all these interventions. Petunia has been monitored and is doing well, I just hope there aren't any long term effects. All the doctors and nurses assured Tate and me that these meds and procedures most likely wouldn't harm the baby. (We did get a really cool p...
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Jennifer's Big Adventure
2007-04-26 02:32:00
Hi everyone...this is Tate. Jennifer is in the hospital this evening as a result of a kidney stone that may require surgery. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
More About: Adventure , Vent , Advent

Tagged...Spread the Love
2007-04-25 10:22:00
I was tagged by Colleen at A Madison Mom for this meme. She probably thought I forgot all about about it! It sounds like the idea of this game of tag is to increase the traffic to your site a bit. Sounds like a good idea to me.So here are the rules...***Start Copying Here****NEW ADDITIONAL RULE: You must spider the previous tagger and DEEP LINK a URL so everyone gets a better link! *1) Write a short introduction paragraph about how you found the list and include a link to the blog that referred you to the list.2) COPY the ENTIRE List below and add it to your blog. To avoid duplicate content and increase the amount of keywords your site can accessible for, go ahead and change the titles of the blog. Just don’t change the links of the blog.3) Take “My Adds” and move them into the “My Originals” list.4) Add 3 Brand New Bloggers that you know ofMy Adds:Absolutely BananasAuburn Gal AlwaysWhile You Were SleepingI have so many blogs I enjoy reading. I have picked three that I h...
More About: Love , Tagged , Spread