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New Digs
2007-12-04 13:00:00
I'm bidding Blogger farewell.Good riddance.Come visit me at my new digs. It's still under construction, so watch out for jagged nails and live electrical wires.

November Perfect Post
2007-12-03 14:13:00
I knew as soon as I read this post from Swistle that I would give her a Perfect Post Award. As a person who has her own "anger issues", this post truly hit home for me.Swistle described the build up of anger, the outburst itself, and the remorseful aftermath in such a way, that I wondered if she lived in my brain."It was an ugly, ugly temper tantrum. Part of me was watching it happening, eating popcorn and saying, "Oh, girl, you are not going to say THAT. Oh you DIDN'T! Oh, girrrrrrrrl." The rest of me was like a tower of flame. There is nothing like rage for feeling SO GOOD and SO HORRIBLE at the same time. Sickeningly exhilarating."I nodded my head in agreement and understanding so often while reading her post. Her words helped me realize that I am not the only one.Lightning is a perfect post.For more Perfect Posts visit Petroville and Suburban Turmoil.
More About: November

Haiku Buh-Bye and Hellllloooooo
2007-11-30 14:16:00
Bye, NaBloPoMoI've written too many postsMany were quite lameI beg your pardonDecember will be betterI'm taking a breakI will be readingJust posting less frequentlyYou are most welcome**********New mag subscriptionThank you People MagazineSo glad I signed upThe Sexiest MenMatt Damon, McDreamy, ClivePraise you sweet jeebusVisceral responseMy pulse quickens, feel faintSave me Johnny DeppTo play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn't go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself.3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

Bless Her Heart, She Can Be Such an A*sshole
2007-11-29 14:15:00
This is a post that I really, really wish weren't true. I'd take it back if I could.Yesterday, I went completely ballistic, as in totally bat shit crazy, at the library. (And it had nothing to do with the mommies at storytime.)If there is one thing I hate, it's late fees. And if there is one thing I hate even more than late fees, is being charged a late fee that I did not actually incur. So when the librarian told me when I was attempting to check out that I had $8 in late fees that I'm certain was an error, I lost it.Lost it.Yelling. (I'm pretty sure I said things like, "I'm going to give THEM a piece of my mind." And, "This place is so stupid. We're NEVER coming back." *cowering*What do you have to do, return books a week early to avoid a late fee?" Oh. Yes. I. Did.)Rolling my eyes.Stomping.Huffing.Name calling.At the librarian.In front of the storytime mommies.In front of my children.It's as if my wack-job alter-ego, Trixie LaRue had taken over.As I'm writing this, it's...
More About: Heart

Balance
2007-11-28 14:49:00
The night before we left Missouri to return home to Alabama, a 12+ hour trip, thankyouverymuch, both of my children decided that sleeping was for sissies and that screaming their lungs out was what all the "cool" kids were doing. Tate took the first shift with Carson, trying to calm him. After over an hour, I reluctantly went in to rescue Tate since I could hear the tone in his voice getting angrier by the minute. He seemed both relieved and irritated by my rescue attempt, but I think just my presence helped to settle both Tate and Carson.I was able to return to bed, and Tate finally got Carson to sleep about an hour later and returned to bed. Literally within seconds of lying down, Ella started fussing. I heard Tate mutter "DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIITTTTTT," under his breath, and since he'd just spent the last two hours with Carson, I got up with Ella to calm her. She finally fell back to sleep after what seemed like four hours, but was probably something like 20 minutes.Being a pe...
More About: Balance

Hopping on the Name Post Bandwagon
2007-11-27 14:51:00
I really enjoyed reading all of your comments in relation to my post about my name being Jen/Jenny/Jennifer. Apparently name posts were big while I was gone. Swistle and Shelly Overlook had a really fun posts about names also. Swistle's post was about regretting the name you chose for your child. I commented that I LOVE my children's names and do not have any regrets for the names Tate and I chose. Shelly Overlook wrote about whether or not you like your own name and if not, would you change it. I jokingly commented that if I weren't Jen/Jenny/Jennifer, I wouldn't mind being called Trixie LaRue.All of these posts got me thinking about what my name would have been had I been a boy. I'm pretty sure I would have been Shawn Scott. Blech. Not the greatest combination of names in my opinion. I like the names individually, but not paired together. Also, I prefer Shawn to be spelled S-E-A-N. My brother, had he been a girl, would have been Elizabeth Lane, Beth for short. I think it's i...
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My Eyes Feel Like They're Gonna Bleed
2007-11-26 14:55:00
I guess Google Reader can't count past 1000. For the first time since last the Friday before Thanksgiving, I checked Google Reader to find 1000+ unread items.In between laundry, house cleaning, going through a weeks worth of emails, and deprogramming my children's new found belief that there is always someone available to play with them, I'll do my best to read a few blogs and attempt to catch up.In the event that in the past week you've written an unbelievable, earth-shattering post that you are certain I can't live without reading, leave me the link in the comments so it doesn't feel the wrath of the "Mark all as read" button.Thank you and good day.
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Remote Blogging
2007-11-25 14:48:00
It's 8 AM and I've already been in three states. I'm currently in Tennessee desperately hoping to find a Cracker Barrel soon. Also, I may be putting my children up for auction right here on this very blog. Bidding will begin at a penny. Are we there yet?
More About: Blogging , Remote , Mote

No Cheesy Coffee Cups For Me, Thank You
2007-11-24 15:32:00
You know those cheesy gifts you get people when they turn 40 (or 50, or 60...) that say stuff like "over the hill?"Sure you do.(On an aside, my 40th birthday is coming up in a little over 7 years, you may want to be begin party planning now to assure a prime location for all attendees. Sushi would be an excellent choice for the party menu. As for gifts, no cheesy coffee cups for me, thank you, but I'd adore a convertible.)My in-laws have a coffee cup that says:Life begins at 40.And so does cosmetic surgery, bladder trouble, high fiber diets, liver spots, hair replacement treatment, sitz baths, eczema and senility. With the exception of liver spots, how is this any different than what happens after you become a mother?Cosmetic surgery? F*ck yeah I need it. My boobs will be to my ankles after breastfeeding Carson and now Ella. My stomach will never be flat again without surgical intervention. There are a few other things I could think of that need work, but in the interest of not d...
More About: Coffee , Cups , Hank

Hungover Haiku
2007-11-23 15:48:00
A caged animalfreed! Bring on the beers, bar maids!Live band, beer, heaven!Blue Moon, so tasty1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers, 4Room begins to spinEverything's funny!Everyone's my new best friend!Let's drink some more beerA wise husband stops"No more drinks, Jennifer"Party is overThree beers too manySeemed like a good ideaCold bathroom floor waits To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn't go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself.3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

Thanksgiving Happy Style
2007-11-22 16:57:00
I am thankful....that I am not in Alabama right now.that I won't be venturing out into the madness that is Black Friday.for Sweet Potato Casserole.for Target.for my camera.for DVR (although I hear TiVo is far superior).for baby yawns.for baby cuddles.for baby breath.for the thrill that Carson got playing with his little buddy's Thomas train set.that my children are healthy.for Pottery Barn and Pottery Barn Kids.for the Internet.for footie PJ'sfor a great haircut.for my friends and family.for Tate.Happy Turkey Day everyone! And for my Canadian, British, Australian, non-U.S. resident readers, Happy Thursday!
More About: Thanksgiving , Style , Hank

Wordless Wednesday: Home
2007-11-21 16:15:00
For more Wordless Wednesday , go here.
More About: Home

This Lame Post Brought to You By NaBloPoMo
2007-11-20 13:00:00
Have I ever told you all how much I loathe David Caruso? Well, I do.His character, Horatio, on CSI: Miami makes my skin crawl. I'd like to kick him and his sunglasses wearing, dramatic slow-talking, one-liner self in the balls.That is all. This lame post was brought to you by a brain-dead NaBloPoMo participant.
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Reminiscing
2007-11-19 14:20:00
The other day when I was finishing up the final post about how Tate and I came to be, I read through several pages of old emails that we'd sent back and forth.I copied a few of them and re-emailed them to Tate with a note saying something about "remember when you used to write me these sweet emails."That night, we reminisced about the things we used to do in early love."Remember when we could sit and just stare at each other for hours?"Oh yeah. I do remember."Remember when we used to talk for hours on the phone and never run out of things to talk about."Yeah (said dreamily)."Remember when we didn't fart in front of each other?"[Insert Beavis and Butthead laughing] "Remember when you didn't nag me so much?"Ahh, those were the days."Remember when I didn't mind it when you touched me?"[Sigh]"Remember when we would rather do it instead of sleep?"[Verrrrry heavy sigh]"Remember what is was like before kids and we could sleep in, leave at a moments notice without packing for an army, o...
More About: Remi

In The Beginning, There Was Beer. And Lots of It. Part 3 of a Love Story
2007-11-18 13:25:00
Need to catch up? Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. The prequel to all this is here.Tate and I began emailing back and forth. Our email topics included thrilling subjects such as hockey, the weather, and our weekend plans. Nothing romantic, just friendly get-to-know you kind of stuff. In November, I was surprised to get a call from Tate inviting me to a party with his friends that he was coming back to Missouri for. Luckily my very busy social and hot date calendar wasn't already filled (ha!) so I jumped at the chance to go and spend the weekend with him.There was never an awkward moment between us. He was kind and considerate, always making sure to introduce me and (not surprisingly) keeping me well supplied with beer. A lady never kisses and tells, but since I've never been accused of being a lady, lemme tell ya, he was an excellent kisser. And that's all I have to say about that.I told my mom after I got home, that I thought he'd be the guy I would marry. Here's the email he s...
More About: Love , Story , Beer , Part 3

You Can Call Me Al
2007-11-17 13:02:00
Most Darling Internetz,Those of you with un-nickname-able names are lucky. With a name like Jennifer, I have a plethora of nicknames of which to choose. Perhaps "plethora" is a bit of an exaggeration, but there are at least two nicknames that I've been called.When I was a baby, I was called Jennifer. Sometime during my childhood, Jennifer was reduced to Jenny. Most everyone I know from my childhood, all the way up through college and a few years beyond knows me as Jenny.My parents call me Jenny. My husband calls me Jenny. A few years ago, I decided that I'd prefer to be called Jennifer. This wasn't a decision that I announced like, "hey people who've called me Jenny for over 20 years! Yes, you! Call me Jennifer now, mkay?" Nothing like that, I just started introducing myself to new people as Jennifer. Whenever Tate introduces me to new people, he does so as Jenny. This has caused some hard to explain moments.At Carson's recent birthday party, my people-who-call-me-J...

Haiku Blanket Sleeper
2007-11-16 14:02:00
Footed pajamasSo warm and cozy for kidsSilly on adultsThose blanket sleepersMake me want to snuggle upCuddly babies Safe, secure, and warmOn a chilly winter nightPilled blanket sleeperThe epitomeof childhood, these sleepersNight, night my babies.To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn't go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself.3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.
More About: Blanket , Sleeper

Prequel to My Beer Soaked Love Story
2007-11-15 13:35:00
Before I can go further in my beer soaked early romance with Tate, I have to 'splain a bit about my history with boys and long distances.Prior to Tate, I'd had two "serious" relationships. Two relationships that at the time seemed like the be all, end all. I'd never "love" another person kind of relationships. Funny to look back and remember how real that love felt, but how it wasn't really real. Does that make sense?So my first boyfriend was Brice (real name). He and I dated my sophomore, junior and senior year of high school. During those years we were inseparable. My senior year, he went away to college. It seemed that my life would end without our constant companionship. He wrote me letters nearly everyday, putting an upside down stamp on every envelope as a way to say "I love you." Ahh. (Actually I think an upside down stamp means the country is in trouble or something like that. Or I just dreamed that up and have accepted this little bit of info as fact. Either way.)I wen...
More About: Love , Story , Beer , Love story , Prequel

Hey! You Know What I Love?
2007-11-14 14:22:00
I love picking up Ella, feeling wetness on my arm and realizing I'm covered in shit to my elbows.Speaking of poopy diapers, I adore when I change a poopy diaper and within minutes it's filled again! Yay.I also love when I make Carson's favorite lunch and he proceeds to pitch most of it on the floor and tells the dogs "sank sou" (thank you) when they gobble it up. Ahh. Gee. Manners.My favorite is when I stumble groggily back to bed at 4 AM after feeding Ella only to nearly pass out from the noxious odor that awaits me. It's even better if Tate starts giggling like a school girl and I get to punch him in the back.I love shopping at Walfart, running errands in traffic while listening to the same Thomas DVD over and over and over, balancing the checkbook, sitting on hold with the comcastic shitastic cable company, trying on clothes in dressing rooms and having the fluorescent lighting cast a lovely glow over my cottage cheese...What do you love?I am not in a bad mood, I am not in a ...
More About: Love

Award post
2007-11-14 03:43:00
Here's a list of excuses.1. I've been busy2. I keep meaning to3. My dog ate it4. I've been watching too much Family Guy5. My brain has slowly been leaking out of my boobs6. I don't own an IPod7. My expertise with html is limited8. I am unable to drink hard liquor without severe consequences9. Rome wasn't built in a day10. If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.This post is a loooooong time coming. To those of you who've bestowed awards upon me, I thank you and beg your forgiveness for being so remiss in my acceptance. Choose from the above list an excuse that will serve as my absolution.I certainly don't deserve 2 awards from Nap Warden, but I'm definitely appreciative.I'd like to pass this award onto MamaDB who had some issues adjusting to the time change. Her blog is Out of this World.For this award, I'm passing it along to the Milk Maid. Her quotes at the end of her posts make me chuckle.Heidi from Hydes Like Us gave me this:I shall pass this ...
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Let's Play a Game! Incredibly Helpful or Nagging and Maniacal?
2007-11-13 13:07:00
Let's just say that a certain wife, a very organized and seasoned professional wife/mother/domestic engineer, had plans on a Saturday, leaving a certain husband in charge. What if this wife offered a few suggestions to make this husband's job of caring for two children easier and more efficient? Having lots of experiences with trial and error, she'd figured out the best procedures to complete the daily tasks related to childcare. Situation 1: Diaper ChangesSoon after Carson is awake, he needs a diaper change. (As in: as soon as he's out of his crib.) He will fuss and vehemently deny a wet diaper, but it must be changed nonetheless. If the diaper isn't changed, you'll find a giant pee mark on the sofa (making more work later). When Carson protests later on in the morning about needing another diaper change, it's just easier to bring a diaper and the wipes to wherever he's playing and change him there. Situation 2: Breakfast Carson eats out of the yellow bowl because it's sid...
More About: Play , Game

Mood Killer
2007-11-12 13:29:00
There's nothing like the sound of your son's voice over the baby monitor to ruin a perfectly lovely, kids napping at the same time, adults only Sunday afternoon."Mommy!""Daddy!""Thomas DVD!"Those words are just. Not. Hot."Get up!"Hot. But NOT when you hear it over the baby monitor.
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In The Beginning, There Was Beer. And Lots of It. Part 2 of a Love Story
2007-11-11 14:02:00
Now where were we? If you need to catch up, here is part 1.Here's a quick recap...wedding, he thinks I'm cute, I think he's cute. Got it?So after the rehearsal, we went to a swanky joint for dinner. Unfortunately it didn't work out that Tate and I were seated at the same table. Luckily, though, I could see him sitting at the next table. We made eye contact a few times and smiled. I didn't have butterflies, but I did like the attention.The next day was (not so surprisingly) the wedding. Following the joining of two hearts (gag me), the wedding party rode in a limo to the reception at yet another swanky locale. We drank champagne on the drive there. Mere sips of champagne make me chatty. Too much makes me drunk.Thank goodness it was a short ride.I was definitely feeling happy when we arrived at the reception. After the dinner and garter/bouquet/cake cutting business (that included another glass of champagne), it was time to part-ay. At the beer table stood Tate, all alone. Feelin...
More About: Love , Story , Beer , Part , Love story

Blog Method
2007-11-10 13:35:00
I know I hinted that I'd be liveblogging round two of our orgampage this weekend. Sorry to disappoint. Boo hooing will not be tolerated.For this second Saturday of GoBloMeMoFo NaBloPoMo, I'd like to talk about how you blog. I'm posting about posting. I'm curious about your method for coming up with a post topic, writing a post, posting a post, editing a post, deleting a post, and coming up with a post title. Post, post, post. There.In the beginning of my illustrious blogging career, I used to dream about topics. Then I'd wake up and think about topics all day long. Now I just come up with a topic whenever the mood strikes. Usually it's based on something funny or interesting (to me) that happened, I do think about situations in terms of their blogability factor. (This highly irritates Tate.)I usually write my posts the day before I plan to publish. Occasionally, I'll write a post as soon as I get up, but I prefer not to do that since I'll obsess all night long about what I...
More About: Blog , Method

Haiku Already?
2007-11-09 13:30:00
Six months old today!Still only 11 poundsSo tiny you areFirst few months were hardSuch a feisty newborn girlThought I'd lose my mindAll is better nowYour smile, your charm, your laughYou make me just meltI have worries, thoughMilestones not being metPlease sit up, won't you?Baby girl, love you!I'll keep you safe, gently guideStay feisty! Stay sweet!Oh yeah, one more thingIt's time to sleep through the nightYou are six months old!To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What's a haiku, you ask? Click here.2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn't go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself.3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

Hot Mamas Know: C.O. Bigelow Lip Tint
2007-11-08 19:47:00
I'm certain that when you think of me, the Binky Bitch, you think, "hey that gal has some hot beauty tips." Or not.Jenny at Absolutely Bananas had a fine idea that we should share our beauty secrets. Since I obviously need all the help I can get, I'm ridiculously excited about this idea.And lucky for you readers at home, I actually have a beauty tip to share.Here it is:Two years ago, my mother-in-law gave me this life-changing lip tint for Christmas. "Life changing," you bawk. I assert that this lip tint from C.O. Bigelow is indeed life changing.Here's why. It's awesome, that's why. But I suspect you want more information, so I'll tell you these little facts.1. It makes my lips soft.2. A slight hint of color, without looking like I went cuh-razy with the lipstick. (I have a history of wearing dark lip colors. It's a sad time in my past and I'd like to move on from that. Thank you.)3. It's inexpensive. I've bought 2/$7.50 when they're on sale (HINT: after Christmas at Bath...
More About: Gelo

Ask Teh Internets: Those Meddling In laws
2007-11-08 13:54:00
I recently received an email from a reader asking for my assvice.Assvice? From me? I never know what to do! I'm usually the one seeking the assvice.So as I was saying, I received an email from a reader wanting to know how to handle her Mother-in-law. Here's the situation in a nutshell...Her 4-year-old daughter is shy in large gatherings and social situations, but is talkative and social in smaller groups.The grandfather spooked this little girl and now she is afraid of him.The grandmother mentioned to this mom that they think she has symptoms of autism because of her social skills.Mom didn't have time to respond, but knows she needs to say something. She doesn't have a great relationship with her in laws and would like to know what to say when it comes up again.Since I run screaming from conflict and confrontation like a big ol' sissy and I have fabulous in laws, I didn't really know what to tell her. You all have offered me some of the best advice (like when the women at Stor...
More About: Laws

Cinders and Ashes! Only 47 More Days To Find James and Edward
2007-11-07 14:10:00
Thomas has taken over. I know there are lots of you out there who are all "I hate licensed character products," "I only buy educational, wooden toys for my kids," and "I only buy lead-free toys for my little darlings." Yeah, I used to say those things, too. But Thomas! Oh Thomas! He's chugged right into Carson's heart and mind. Peep, peep!I don't know how, but he can name every single train. Somehow he even knows all of their numbers and gets quite exasperated when I mix up Percy and Henry or Edward and Thomas. Carson has very specific ideas of which trains he'd like to receive for Christmas from Santa. So far he already has Thomas and Henry. We spend hours each day, looking at this sheet of paper that came with one of his toys that has all of the Thomas characters on it.He covets Edward. COVETS.And James ? He LOVES James. Christmas will be ruined if he doesn't get James. Santa, I hope you are taking notes.Murdoch? Who? He loves him, nonetheless.His first crush, Emily. He wants ...
More About: Ashes , Find , Days

They Made Me an Offer I Couldn't Refuse
2007-08-23 15:19:00
One year ago, I joined. The lure of the good life is what sucked me in. I was sure they would take care of me, but now I'm realizing that they don't care about me at all. But I don't know how to leave.I fear I may have to go into some sort of protection program, every move I make they are there. I'm trapped. I can't escape. They are out to get me.I'm afraid to even go to my mailbox. I know they'll be there, waiting, mocking, demanding action. My email has also been attacked. I'm not safe anywhere.Today is the day, though. I'm going to do it. I'm going to quit...the Children's Book of the Month Club.I realize full well that it's a process that will take months, if not years to complete. They'll continue to send their reply cards, I'll continue to send them back, refusing the shoddy books they offer.It's foolish to have ever joined. TEN BOOKS for only a PENNY! God, how could I be so stupid! The shipping is where they get you, charging an arm and a leg AND threatening to...
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I'm So Mad I Could Spit is the Best Title I Can Come Up With Right Now
2007-08-22 15:05:00
Since I'm a big, giant weenie and hate confrontation, when a business makes me angry, I do the only thing I know to do. I write a letter. Yes, I know that when they receive this letter, the manager and employees sit around laughing at me and calling me every name in the book. Truly, I wish I could confront these offenders in person, but when I'm mad I lose the ability to speak in complete, coherent sentences. And I cry, well, blubber really. It's embarrassing. So, the letter has always been my only recourse.I've written my fair share of letters to businesses in the past who've pissed me off. Target, Olive Garden, and Sears Portrait Studio have all been on the receiving end of a scathing letter, damning the injustice bestowed upon me.So in lieu of a traditional face to face smackdown, here's the letter I'd like to send to Walgreens after yet another irritating experience with their pharmacy drive-thru.Dear Manager of Shitty-Ass Walgreens Pharmacy,F*ck you and all your bitch-as...
More About: Title , Title I , Spit , Right Now