Pissed Off Housewife

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273 Days or 9 Months
2007-11-04 01:27:00
In 9 months a baby develops.In fact my baby turned 9 today.Steven didn't call and that was weird.In 9 months the sharpest pains have turned into the dullest aches.In 9 months two of my children and I have had birthdays.In 9 months we've started a new school and built a swimming pool.And in 9 monthsIn 273 days I haven't had Steven.Even on my first child's birthday I have just a few tears for the world that was.Sometimes I'm really less okay than I like to think I am.
More About: Days , Months , Month , Mont

Start at the Beginning
2007-10-01 18:43:00
Not so much a blog but a chronicle of a moment in my life that can neither be deleted nor added to.Start at the beginning and read them in this order.FirstSecondThirdFourth FifthSixthSeventhEighthNinthTenthEleventh TwelfthThirteenthAnd then Steven diedAnd There was NothingIf you've read all this you'll see there are no heroes, no evil, no good resolutions and no ending.There is one dead man, one grieving mother, one abandoned parter and a collection of friends who come together and drift apart like ripples in the water.This weekend I spoke to some of them and it left me empty.I'm going to keep running but it's not really for Steven at this point. It's out of terror for anyone who will be living this.Right now someone is.

Sometimes it's really hard to ask
2007-09-28 01:06:00
I swear the idea of running 26 miles is easier than the thought of asking y'all for money.But I need to.Part of closing this chapter for me includes doing something and I've committed to running the LA Marathon in March.I'll be running in memory of Steven.During all these years APLA was quietly helping Steven and his partner providing everything from assistance with paperwork to home healthcare and all that's in between.They honored his privacy in ways that I never could have and allowed him dignity.So I guess I'm asking you to give.Some of you can give $5 and that's wonderful.Some of you can do an awful lot moreAnd most of us are in the middle but your companies may offer matching funds.Whatever it is, whatever you can do, I'll be grateful.So click on over here.
More About: Hard

Come and Join Me
2007-08-29 06:23:00
I'm over here.And I'm not nearly as sad or mad as I was.There's a hole in my heart so I have to leave this space as it is.C'mon and visit though y'all. It'll be fun this time.
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There's Always a Little More
2007-07-28 07:54:00
I keep thinking I'm doneBut now I realize that I never will be.It's almost my son's birthday and I can't stop crying because he was born in a hospital bed just upstairs from the one Steven died in.My son's life was saved across the hall from where Steven died.Last December we took him outside in the cold night air there on the rooftop of Cedar's Sinai hospital and he cried about how his was a life wasted and how he should have made more time for family and worked less.He looked at the stars and the Hollywood Hills and talked aloud about what his plans were for when he got out of this place.But I think that Steven and Robert and I all knew that he was speaking in metaphors.So when I think about where I was 6 years ago today and where I was I'm so filled to the brim with sorrow that my throat clenches up a little and I fail when I try not to cry. That hospital where my children were born and I toasted the day with Champagne and Percoset, that building that brought me more joy ...
More About: Always

Dipping a Toe in the Water
2007-07-12 19:23:00
Well, this blog is done.It sort of has to be becuase there's too much ache in it.As the time has passed I realize that nothing I've said needs to be anonymous. Steven was a good and kind person, flawed as we all are, but someone worth knowing and someone worth talking about.I deleted everything but the "Dean" posts and felt finished until I was on the phone with a girlfriend the other day and I was kind of complaining about my sluggishness and my weight (I've put on about 5 pounds and stopped running).She asked me why I stopped running.And I didn't really have an answer.Because I wasn't ever running toward something I was definitely running away. And with Steven's illness and death I was so overwhelmed and so angry at so many different people that if I didn't run I might have screamed and hit and punched someone.Which, in retrospect, some people might have deserved.But this week I started running again.The long runs, the ones over 5 miles where you fairly leap off the ground...
More About: Water

Fin
2007-06-29 20:59:00
I'm all done.Email me at pissed off housewife at Gmail dot com and I'll let you know where I'm going.Maybe.Maybe not.It's time for a blog with my name on it as the anger and sadness has wilted and what I have to say can be said with my name.See ya.

Overheard in the Car
2007-06-24 06:49:00
ME: So I met this really nice lady at the ice rink and we run the stairs while the kids are skating.HUBBY: Great, and?ME: The only thing that's kind of weird is that she had a Manny. I mean that's a lot of time with someone who isn't your husband andHUBBY: Wait, what's a Manny?EVE: It's a nanny that's a boyHUBBY: [laughing] Are you two making this up?EVE and ME: No [laughing a little because it is silly sounding]ME: A lot of lesbian and single moms like to have a male influence so they hire a manny.HUBBY: Okay, what kind of guy wants to be a manny?ME: I don't know[and it goes on with him trying to make sense of the nonsensical]HUBBY: Do you let our kids hang out with Mannys?ME: Uh, no. We went to the park with one once but it's a little weird because it's intimate time with another parent and I don't want to be close with any other men.EVE: That's not true.ME: [ignoring Eve] my close friendships are with other women or the men in our family. It seems lik...
More About: The Car

Monsters.
2007-06-17 20:45:00
Last night I dreamt that I was getting chemo through a port in my arm and she'd had a portion of her lung removed from cancer.It was real and scary.Helps me remember that the monsters my kids see in their dreams are real and scary for them.
More About: Monsters , Mons

I'll Tell You Why I'm Pissed
2007-05-31 04:46:00
If you've been reading much you'd see that I'm not really all that Pissed Off.So what is the origin of the Pissed Off Housewife?AIDSAIDS pissed me off.In October of 2006 I realized that my beloved Steven was on his way out. I spent October and November in a rage, sometimes a blind rage and I was desperate to not raise my children in a home filled with anger.Hiding the rage seemed so important to me.And Blogging was a good outlet. It never occurred to me that I'd have actual readers, I just wanted to scream about neglect and bouncing and bedsores. I wanted to remind G-d that we still don't have a cure for AIDS and ask why has he forgotten us?But I now realize that he's never forgotten me and Steven is lovingly wrapped in his arms.During the slow and agonizing loss of Steven my Mother In Law was diagnosed with Lymphoma, she received the same treatment that my Father had just a few years before.The Cancer Club. It's a shitty group to belong to.These last few months have give...

Tuna Salad
2007-05-25 20:00:00
Recipe:1 can of tuna in oil (none of that spring water crap)a wooden spoon sized dollop of Miracle Whip1 diced sour green apple1 handful of raisinssalt and pepper to tasteDoes this sound like something that would come out of my kitchen? Really folks, the first two ingredients would never even make their way into my shopping cart.It's Steven's Tuna Recipe and my kids loved eating it at his house because it tasted like his Mommas. And my kids loved Steven and Jackie.And we miss him so we last night even though no one was hungry we made tuna salad.With a tear in my eye I smiled a little and thought of him.
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Sometimes There are no Words
2007-05-10 00:30:00
Kenn has lost his brother.My heart aches for him.
More About: Words , Some

Unchanged
2007-05-08 07:36:00
Larry emails wondering if Steven could have possibly died of Hodgkin's Disease and the AIDS was a mistake.Steven's partner calls because Jackie's being ripped off by the guy who bought Steven's business (no big surprise).Heidi calls because she thinks Steven's partner needs help, "Steven trusted you with money you know." "Heidi, he was demented for the last two years, it was doomed." I tell her.The dancing queens want to know if Eve wants a makeover for some E! show. I try being polite and then explain to them that Hubby would kick their collective asses if they tart her up. She's only 8, I explain, they're exasperated and think we're nuts.I agree to have cocktails at Rage Thursday night.I can't bring myself to call the family, the blood family.I am utterly stunned that history is rewriting itself.He had AIDS, his brain was gobbled up by a retrovirus. He was a good man but not a saint and he kept secrets from all of you because apparently the truth is too fucking much ...
More About: Chang , Chan

Kenn
2007-05-03 07:33:00
When my heart was breaking into a million pieces Kenn stepped up with emails and support the likes of which no one else could have offered.Please send him some love.And prayers for his brother Craig.Which automatically include prayers for his mother and his sisters too.Every so often I read his words and I hope and pray I can be like his mother.The world is better because of Kenn, read and you'll see a passionate man with surreal strength.

Titanium Girl Owes me a Dollar
2007-04-27 23:01:00
I had to take a Xanax after watching this, seriously, Lady Liberty sent me the link and I (dutifully) read and watched.Xanax are a dollar a pill.Titanium Girl owes me a dollar because I had to watch this crap.Seriously, people will do anything to be on the right side of the camera. And (evolution Mom) I find it hard to believe that Darwin knows shit from shinola if girls like this have ovum.
More About: Dollar , Doll

It's hard being me
2007-04-27 20:37:00
Thursday afternoon 2:29 pm, school is letting out.Here's my routine for school and pick ups and whatnot.I live a half a mile from Eve's school which lets out at 2:29 each day. 6 miles down the road is Adam's school which is supposed to let out at 2:45 each day but, being Kindergarten they are never on time (which I think is cute).So at 2:29 each day of the week I leave my house to pick up Eve from school, this gives her 5 minutes to fart around and the first round of Mommy Cars have already left so we don't have to deal with screeching parents and whatnot.Yesterday I was a few minutes early and there was a backup of cars. Okay, I figure I'll drive around the block once but I can't.You see there's a Lexus double parked right at the exit gate waiting for a child on this very narrow street and I'm right behind her. I think I have her attention and kind of wave for her to keep driving and she waves me to drive around her.I shake my head no and give her a courteous wave to kee...
More About: Hard , Bein , Being

Google Sucks
2007-04-26 20:28:00
Froogle is gone.Where did it go?I'm a little old and grumpy to be dealing with this shit.How the hell am I supposed to buy anything without Froogle?
More About: Google , Suck , Sucks , Googl

Passing
2007-04-26 18:31:00
I'm passing you over to Samuel for a very thoughtful post about youth sports.Here's my off the cuff thoughts on kids and sports.I'm there to teach skills and ethics. Any time you've got more than one kid and a ball the competition is there, no parents needed.I've got to teach them how to play the game and act like decent human beings. I don't have to teach them that winning is fun, they know that.Samuel is probably a pretty darned good coach (but I'll betcha I can get past him with the scissors and so can some of my girls).Nah nah!Read his stuff though, he's a pretty cool Dad even when his kids are covered in unidentified chemicals.
More About: Sing , Pass , Passi , Passing

Shopping and Questions
2007-04-26 17:29:00
Guess what I'm doing today? You'll never get it, I promise you. You won't believe it!I'm going car shopping. Yup, I'm shopping for a car without a third row of seats. It's almost too exciting for words.Hopefully next week I'll cruise over to Mrs. Davidson's house in a brand spanking new sedan! Hotty Hubby gave me the thumbs up to get AnyCarInTheWorld just GetRidOfThatFuckingMinivan. So if I rolled up in a $90,000 Mercedes he'd probably still be grateful but nope, not me! I'm going both ways today (get it, get the sexual innuendo there?) So it's between the Prius, the Camry Hybrid (I'm not crazy for it) and the Civic Hybrid.I'm so excited to get back into a little car.Now for the question.When you guys comment I've found that I have the opportunity to see small bits of the world through different eyes.One of the Moms in the neighborhood (Katherine)is really very sweet and I see her at the gym a lot, sometimes we wheeze run together and the girls have been friends ...
More About: Shopping , Questions , Quest , Ping

Scents
2007-04-26 05:20:00
We just came back from dinner and the waiter wore Dean's cologne.I was wistful but able to smile for my friend who was released from the bondage of a terribly sick and aching body.I miss him in pangs now but without the intensity that made me feel ill.I smiled and thought of him.It was good

Pull'ems and TV's
2007-04-25 18:17:00
On the way to school this morning:ME: Hey do you want to go for a special dinner with Grandpa tonight to visit Cousin Dee?ADAM: Yeah!ME: Okay, let's call him and let him know but it's going to be a very long drive.ADAM: [chanting] Oh yeah, oh yeah, I get to watch TV in the car. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I get to watch TV in the car. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I get to watch TV in the car.ME: Not that Grandpa. Grandpa Lawyer, he doesn't have a TV in his car and it's a long drive.ADAM: I love Grandpa Lawyer's car, he'd got pull'ems.ME: What?ADAM: Pull 'ems and we love pull'ems. We memorize them and listen and have so much fun with pull'ems I love Grandpa Lawyer's car.ME: What's a pull'emADAM: You know when Maya Angeeloo talks really short and stuff but hers doesn't rhyme. There's lots of really good stories and it makes you do good things like not go to war and stuff like that.ME: Has Grandpa been telling you about the war?ADAM: No! Grandpa hates war you have to pass a...

Letters to the Thomas Family
2007-04-25 17:38:00
This video is NOT for the faint of heart. You will hear a baby crying howling in pain as a direct result of parental neglect.You've been warnedDear Mom and Dad,I know I'm only 4 but I'm really tough and strong. I'm going to have a scar kind of like Harry Potter now. The other kids on the playground think it's really cool.Surgery wasn't all that bad but the CAT scan to make sure my brain wasn't too rattled was kind of tough. I guess they gave me some medicine to keep me still. It was a little scary.Please don't feel like bad parents though. How were you supposed to know that a 40 pound kid could get hurt at a football game? There are lots of toddlers on the sidelines every week.I'll be sure to be a good boy when Child Protective Services shows up. Plus, they gave me a football.It's cool Mom and Dad, I think you're A okay.Love,CaydenP.S. The other kids want to know how you came up with a name like Cayden. What should I tell them?And this one.Dear Holly and Michael...
More About: Family , Thomas , Letters , Thom , Homa

hrmph
2007-04-25 01:37:00
Club Soccer as posted by a mother is a game "we" play. (I took out the link because it's not a compliment I'm paying this woman).Okay, so we started Club Soccer with Jacob and Joshua last week and played our first games of the season this weekend.Gosh y'all need to get your own fucking life.We don't play soccer unless we are kicking the ball.Whoever is on the field is playing soccer. The fat ass behind the wheel of the minivan is the mother, not the player.Whew, dodged that soccer bullet.

The Poker Queen is HOT
2007-04-24 23:57:00
I thought the Poke r Queen had Restylane injected into her lips.But NO, she had four itsy bitsy teeny tiny shots of Botox there. And although she is significantly older than I am (7 months at least) she now looks quite a few years younger than I do.If I were a good person I'd be delighted for her without reservation.But I'm not a very good person and I'm insanely jealous and counting my pennies. She'll have to teach me how to drink with a frozen top lip... apparently there are some spills the first few days.And I kinda forgot that she reads this blog. Oops.As an added FYI the reason I was able to pop by and check out the Poker Queen's loveliness is because she lives around the corner from a great gunsmith. After all my rants I went to the range and found that the .357 magnum (much easier to fire with .38 special ammo in it) was misfiring. It's not a dangerous situation (unless someone else is firing at you) but it appears to be due to all the extra parts Smith and Wesson i...

Babies are Safe from Limbo
2007-04-23 23:12:00
December 1995 the phone rings in the middle of the night.It's Megan O'Connely, my best friend from College."Housewife, it's bad and they don't think he's gonna make it." A voice trembles."Huh, who? What's going on?" I'm genuinely confused and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes."My baby." She's wailing now. "The doctors don't know if he's going to make it through the night and he's not Baptized." She's shrieking."Meg, the baby's gonna be fine. What do you want me to do?" I snap to attention."My baby can't go to Limb o. Find me a priest." "Uh, okay, where are you?"And she tells me the name of the hospital just North of Denver. I in turn call my Rabbi, wake him out of a deep sleep and beg him for the name of a Priest in or around Denver, mentioning that she's afraid of Bingo or Limbo or something. I'm so confused but he promises to explain it to me later.My rabbi takes the information and sends a priest.The baby lives.Megan is still one of my closest friends and...
More About: Babies , Safe , Babi

Random Number
2007-04-23 20:56:00
The Random Numb er was 8!Using the Random Integer Generator Monya is the lucky winner.Send the girl some love... she sure can pee!I see a lot of you logging in from work. If you have something you want to send to my readers just send an email to pissedoffhousewife at Gmail.com.
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Well Gosh that Explains it all
2007-04-23 05:58:00
Yesterday at Little League I double parked.I do it each and every week as do about 15 other parents. The lot is small and no one is in any particular hurry, so just pick a friend, block in their car and let them know you're there so they can tell you it's time to move your hunk of junk.It's another Sunday in Los Angeles Little League and as I'm stepping out of the car a guy (probably in his 40's) drives up to me in his 750 BMW and says, "I'm calling to have your car towed""But," I sputter, "I park here every week.""No you don't or I'd have towed it before."Now I'm bugged because he's lying (for some reason that pisses me off more than the fact that he wants to tow my car). "Why would you tow someone's car? That 's so mean, can't you leave a note?"Adam and Eve have hopped out of the car and are watching Angry Dad who hops out of his car and makes a big display of flipping open his Razor Phone."Eve, walk Adam to the coach and I'll be right there. Don't worry," I say...
More About: Plains , Well

What is more horrifying?
2007-04-23 04:30:00
The principal of Sandridge Elementary School is horny and probably shouldn't be screwing around with this many women (or any) at school BUT More terrifying is a mother who:Chain smokes inside her homeHas two cases of Pepsi on displayHas four liter bottles of soda on the counterTwo open bakery bags of Goodness knows what...I'm sorry but Kim Grivakis has more contact and more influence on children than the principal does and if it's lifestyle decisions people are worried about I'm more concerned with Kim Grivakis' children being weaned on High Fructose Corn Syrup and sucking in smoke all day than a role model getting laid.Clean your fucking house and brush your hair before the camera crews come. Have a little shame and stop living like swine.Thanks to The Zero Boss for pointing to the idiots (again).

Babies and Guns
2007-04-22 18:08:00
Zuska is feeling debat-ey lately.I get it, really I do and I love comments that I have to scroll to read. If I've made you think I'm really delighted and I read every word you write.But my gun ownership parallels my pro choice stand on abortion.I own a gun, I am a responsible gun owner. You can decide that I'm not the person you'd hope I am but you don't get to take my gun away.As a first generation American I see how citizens owning guns might have changed the course of history in other countries.It's just like abortion. I believe you have a right to choose. I believe one of those choices is almost always wrong and I hope you won't do it. If you do I will defend your right to have a safe and sensible abortion so that there will only be one of you dead, not both.Now to comfort all of you who worry.I can take my gun apart and put it back together in seconds. Perfectly each time.My weapons are in a safe, they are not for day to day home protection.My children do not know ...
More About: Guns , Babies , Babi

The Boss' Wife
2007-04-22 06:14:00
As I peer out my hotel window I see them scurrying about the streets, 7 stories below me.$75,000 a day and a budget in the low 7 figures.Lucky number 7.They all listen to his every word. He asks for a cell phone and 12 are flipped his way, he likes potato chips from the blue bag, they never run out. He hates Pepsi and flavored coffee, for the next 4 days no one will have Pepsi or flavored coffee. He's cold, the clothing racks are shuttled in.We have dinner with some of the crew. My husband is deferred to in every way, from the maître d' to the sommelier to the waiter. His wine is poured first, he is to taste it and ensure that it's a good fit for the table. Because he is kind and gracious and willing to share the spotlight he asks that the camera man, the real hero of the day taste the wine.He's a thoughtful and kind person. The kindest I've ever met. He's secure enough in himself to share the spotlight.I'm married to the king. He's the absolute master of his unive...
More About: Wife , Boss , The Boss