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The Bad, The Good & The Ugly
2008-02-24 06:33:00
The bad: I got the stomach flu while Gavin is out of town. (FYI - Few things suck more than being a 'single parent' with the stomach flu.)The good: The kids didn't get the stomach flu (well, still crossing my fingers and hoping I didn't just jinx myself) and I lost 9 pounds in 5 days.The ugly: When you lose so much weight so quickly and have already had two kids (and your skin is all stretched out), you can pull your skin about 2 inches away from your body.Think I'm kidding?
More About: Good , Ugly , The Good , The Ugly

Shauna, Where The Hell You Been?*
2008-01-31 20:35:00
My posts here have been scant, at best. And some of you have noticed and sent me e-mails asking if I'm okay (thanks for the concern!!!).Yes, I'm okay.But my life has been turned around. See, my salary is paid by soft money - government grant money, to be specific. And grants in my field are becoming increasingly harder to obtain, which makes my job less stable since I usually go grant-to-grant. The good thing is even though I usually go grant-to-grant, my job duties largely remain the same.But this time, a grant that we were all counting on getting didn't come through in time (we'll get it, but just not when we expected) and so it was either: let Shauna go until the grant comes in or find another grant for Shauna to work on. And since Gavin and I didn't want to lose my income for an unspecified amount of time, I opted for the latter.So in November, I started working on a different grant. But this time, my job duties are totally different. I'm doing a lot of outreach in t...
More About: Hell

8 Things...
2008-01-23 00:53:00
Zoe (the daughter of Colleen from A Madison Mom) wants to know 8 things about Nicholas and Elise...1. Nicholas and Elise had the same due date (in different years). (Apparently I get pregnant best in November.)2. They were both born 4 weeks early. Their birthdays are one day apart.3. They are both named after family members.4. Nicholas is a picky eater who doesn't sleep well. But he's big for his age. Elise is not a picky eater (at most meals, Elise out-eats him.) and she sleeps A LOT. But she's very small for her age.5. Elise is a feminine little thing, but she can take a hit! When Nicholas hits her (or runs into her), she bounces right back up without crying. Sometimes, she'll go up to him, tackle him and pull him down. She's no pushover! (When Elise was 7 months old, Gavin caught the kids wrestling - complete with rolling over each other on the floor.)6. Elise has a musical ear. She can mimic sounds, notes and rhythms the first time she hears them. Nicholas has a tin ear. He...
More About: Things

Wanted: Your Opinion On A Hypothetical Situation
2008-01-15 22:44:00
Here’s a question for the internets… What is your opinion of this purely hypothetical situation? Because I don’t actually know any couples who would ever experience this. The night before:Spouse A puts some chicken in the fridge to defrost and makes a marinade for the chicken - for dinner the next day.The next morning:Spouse B makes breakfast for the kids while Spouse A cuts the somewhat defrosted chicken and puts it into the marinade for dinner. As they are leaving the house, Spouse B says to Spouse A, "Have a great chiropractor appointment this afternoon!"The afternoon:Spouse A arrives home 20 minutes later than usual (but as planned due to the doctor appointment). From outside the house, Spouse A hears Baby tantruming and Child whining. Spouse A takes a deep breath and walks in the house: prepared to help with cranky kids. Kids go running to Spouse A; the tantruming and whining continue. Spouse A hugs the children and says to Spouse B, "Wow. I hope this hasn't been...
More About: Opinion , Wanted , Situation

Prayer Requests
2008-01-07 20:10:00
Today is Nicholas' first day back to school. When I dropped him off, I found out that several days ago, a teacher unexpectedly passed away. She was young (in her 40s), extremely vibrant and wonderfully nurturing.While this teacher was not currently one of Nicholas' teachers, she was his teacher over the summer. And because the school is very very small, Nicholas still had daily contact with her. One of her sons was in Nicholas' class last year; he and Nicholas still played together during recess and after school.Please think positive thoughts for the family (especially for the three young boys who lost their mother) as they grieve and transition to life without her. And please think positive thoughts for the teachers who must explain death to preschoolers.Today, my heart is heavy.
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Holiday Eating Tips
2007-12-19 23:30:00
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table doesn't know the Christmas spirit. If you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. Quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim milk, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with automatic transmission.5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat...
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Some People Are Not Fit To Be Parents
2007-11-08 01:36:00
When my niece was born, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law forgot they didn't have a carseat for the baby. Apparently, the carseat they had for Luke was broken and they didn't remember that until after Jolie was born. I still can't figure out why they hadn't bothered to install the carseat before Jolie was born (after all, she was overdue). My only explanation is "that's Matt and Dena (roll eyes)."I helped Matt install the carseat in their car. At first, Matt wanted to see if they could keep Luke in the middle and put Jolie on the side. I told Matt to consider putting the newborn on the inside, but Matt said he didn't want Luke next to the door because he didn't want Luke to be able to open the door. (Hello! Child safety locks!) Whatever. In the end, we had to move Luke's seat to one side an install Jolie's seat on the other because it didn't fit otherwise.Once the carseat was installed, Luke was upset because Dena wouldn't be able to sit in the back with him anymore. He...
More About: People , Parents , Parent , Some , Pare

Holy Moly!
2007-09-25 00:14:00
Nicholas walked in on me as I was getting out of the shower and said, "Holy moly, Mom! That's your vaginus!" I scurried him out of the bathroom and heard him say to Gavin, "Dad, why is Mom's vaginus so small? It's not big like my penis!"*sigh*Just when he got over being obsessed with my boobs... Looks like he'll be obsessed with my "vaginus" now.

The Difference Between Men and Women...
2007-09-18 20:10:00
The difference between men and women is...- When men get sick, they are babies and stay in bed all day. When women get sick, they suck it up and take care of the kids.- When men get sick, they still want to have sex. When women get sick, they don't want to have sex because they are tired from being sick and taking care of the kids.- When men get sick, they won't even get out of bed. When women get sick, they still go to the store to get food to feed everyone else.- Men think that wiping the sink constitutes "cleaning the bathroom." Women know how to disinfect.- Men put their dirty clothes next to the hamper. Women put their dirty clothes in the hamper. - Men throw all the dirty laundry into one load. Women sort the laundry so that everything doesn't turn gray.I could go on for days... but the stomach flu is rampant in our house, so I leave you to finish the list... Thanks!
More About: Difference , Men and Women , The D , Ween

A Job Like No Other
2007-09-07 23:51:00
Nicholas: My butt is itchy.Shauna: Did you wash it well in the bath?N: Yes.S: Did you rinse it well after? If you leave soap on your body, it can make you itchy.N: I rinsed real good!S: Where is it itchy?N: In the crack.Gavin: Lovely.S: Get your hands out of your pants.N: But it's itchy.S: Okay. Take off your pants and bend over.God, I never thought I'd ever hear myself saying that! I took Nicholas' butt cheeks and spread them. G: Aw, man! I didn't need to see that!S: I don't see anything wrong. It looks fine.N: But it's itchy. Can you get some of Elise's butt cream and put it on? PLEASE?So I got some diaper rash cream, put it on his butt and he went to sleep.Parenthood makes you do things you never expected to do.

I Almost Gave Myself A Stroke
2007-08-31 21:26:00
This morning, as I was taking him to school, Nicholas wanted to count. So we counted. We're working with him on memorizing the 10s (10, 20, 30...) because once he gets those memorized, he'll be able to count on and on and on (which, you know, is fantastic for my sanity while driving a 2000 pound vehicle on a crowded highway. Ha!).Nicholas: 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39.....[pause]Shauna: What's next, hon?N: I dunno.S: Think.N: I'm thinking. Um... Forty!S: Good job!N: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49...[pause][long pause]S: Fifty! C'mon... You know it... It's fifty. Still thinking?N: Yeah.[pause][long pause][even longer pause]S: Need help? Cause I just want to give you the answer!N: Not yet, Mom. I'm still thinking!S: Okay. Please come up with it soon. Don't leave me hanging like this!N: Um... Okay. Oh! Fifty!S: Whew! Okay. Let's stop there for today.N: No, Mom. I want to keep going. 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59. There. Now we can stop.S: Niko, let's not stop a...
More About: Stroke

My New Wheels
2007-08-30 10:55:00
As you know, I thought about getting a new car, I bought a pre-owned used car (despite crappy service) which was hit and rendered undriveable thereby whirling me back into the world of car buying. Ugh.Since the previous car obviously wasn't meant to be mine, I decided I would do even more research and figure out exactly what car was the right one for me.I test drove sedans, big SUVs, little SUVs, and minivans. I test drove Hondas, Toyotas, Subarus, Nissans, Saturns, Chryslers, Dodges, Fords, Chevys, and VWs.I decided:* I don't want a small SUV (because Gavin has one).* I wasn't going to get another big SUV. That was a bust.* Even though I like the option of extra seating, I don't want a minivan.* I should get leather seats (thanks for the advice, Sara!) because they are easier to clean should when the kids puke. Or spill something.* I want functionality.* I want room.* I don't want a sedan.Which lead me to this conclusion.... I need a station wagon. (Very RetroMama, I know.)...
More About: Wheels , Heels , Heel , Eels

It Might Be Time To Wean
2007-08-28 03:18:00
Now that Elise is over one year old, I don't worry so much about breastfeeding her all the time. She often prefers cow milk. But there are still moments when she wants to nurse and I indulge her because there is a part of me that isn't quite ready to accept that we don't have a baby in the house anymore.This morning was not one of those moments.Elise asked to nurse, so I put her on. Quickly, she decided she was done. Often, when she does this, she just wants a quick break before resuming nursing. So I put her back on.And she got mad.She reached out, let out a yell, grabbed my boob... and twisted.Gavin laughed. Then he whispered to me, "She's such a woman!"Yes, I think it's time to wean.
More About: Time

Blog Makeover
2007-08-25 20:48:00
The beginning of the school year is a great time to start new: to redefine yourself, to sharpen your goals and to make new goals. To that end, it was time for a makeover. Thanks to Heather, this blog has a great new look!If you're looking for a new look, check her out! (She did Sarah's design, too!) Heather was fantastic to work with. And now I'm struttin' my new look. Yay me!
More About: Blog , Makeover

What Did He Say?
2007-08-24 01:18:00
This morning, Nicholas was talking about the addition we built on our house two years ago. In particular, he was naming all the rooms and the things in the house that were 'old.'Nicholas - My room. Elise's room...Gavin - What's he talking about?Shauna - He's listing all the things in the house that are old.Nicholas - That bathroom. The garage.Gavin - What about your mom?Shauna - WHAT!?!Gavin - Yeah. I think your mom is old.Shauna - (whispering in Gavin's ear) Yeah. I'm thinking it'll be awhile before you see these bad girls up close and personal.

Dear Neighbor
2007-08-21 04:30:00
I've got a proposition for you... You can sit in your garage, drink beer and sing karaoke to all hours of the night. I'll even stop complaining about you peeing in your yard. If you never ever say this to your kids ever again: Why is your hand dirty? What the fuck? Fuckin' shit. Fuckin' asshole. Get into the fuckin' house and wash your fuckin' hands. Shit. Deal?

The Day In Which I Wondered If My Husband Was Gay
2007-08-16 21:59:00
Gavin and I have been together for 18 years (well, married for 8, but together for 18). So you’d think I know him pretty well by now and wouldn’t be surprised by much. After all, you get into a rut after awhile. (Right, Heather?) But when I got home today, I had an entirely new experience. When I walked into the house, I noticed Gavin had vacuumed. The house looked great! I walked past the
More About: Husband , The D

In How Many Languages Can You Say "Holy Shit"?
2007-08-15 21:30:00
Remember the pre-owned used car I bought despite the crappy service? Well, the hits just keep on coming... Yesterday was the birthday for one of my staff, so we went to lunch. While at lunch, my car was hit while in the parking lot. This wasn't a fender bender. This was a "you must have been going too fucking fast in a parking lot" bender. And one wheel was hit hard, bending the axle and
More About: Languages , Shit , Holy , Ages

If My Husband Had A Blog...
2007-08-15 00:49:00
If Gavin had a blog, surely this would be one of his posts: I have the best wife. I don't know where I'd be without her. If it weren't for her, I would have had food poisoning multiple times. She throws everything out of the fridge before it goes bad. And even though I think she's overreacting (you can eat around the fuzz, right?), she means well and I love her. If it weren't for her, I would
More About: Blog , Husband

Another F*cking Recall!
2007-08-14 08:31:00
They sure make it hard for us to keep our kids from ingesting lead paint, don't they? I can't believe another recall will be announced... tomorrow. I think I'm going to lock my kids in a bubble now.
More About: Recall

Chinese Executive Kills Self Amid Recall
2007-08-13 21:36:00
BEIJING (AP) - The head of a Chinese manufacturer whose lead-tainted Sesame Street toys were the center of a massive U.S. recall has killed himself, a state-run newspaper said Monday. Cheung Shu-hung, who co-owned Lee Der Industrial Co., committed suicide at a warehouse over the weekend, apparently by hanging himself, the Southern Metropolis Daily reported. "When I rushed there around 5 p.m.,
More About: Recall , Executive

My Little Shitling
2007-08-13 21:00:00
This weekend, Nicholas was a little shit. I don't know what his deal was, but he didn't listen, he acted out, he threw tantrums. He disobeyed me and broke a glass jewelry box I had on my dresser while climbing on my dresser to get a toy I had confiscated from him. All around, he was just a little shit. All weekend long. Today, I'm happy to be at work.
More About: Litt

The Deleted Post
2007-08-12 02:21:00
Some of you might be looking for a post I deleted. It actually wasn't supposed to be published.... At least not yet. I was working on a bunch of posts/ideas. Brainstorming, polishing some of them up/uploading pictures and then the cat (the damn cat!) jumped on my laptop and the computer fell on the floor and dammit the thing got published. (It also looks like the door to my CD drive is now
More About: Post , Delete , The D

The Beautiful People
2007-08-12 01:57:00
Last night, Gavin and I went on a date – a real date! We left the kids with a sitter and went out for dinner. It made our day when we were carded after ordering a bottle of wine. We proudly showed our IDs. Yes, we’re over 21, but not much (snort!). And then the waiter stopped. He examined the IDs. He took them to the bar. Then he came back. “I’m so sorry, I had to take these to my manager
More About: People , Beautiful , Beautiful People

OCD Much?
2007-08-10 01:14:00
I took the kids to see my parents this weekend. In preparation for our visit, my dad took out my brother's old lego for Nicholas. We're talking about 25+ year old Lego. In the original box.With the price tag still attached. $32 in the 1980s!And since the Lego was old and dusty, my Dad washed each piece. Then sorted them by like pieces and bagged like-pieces together. Can you say OCD?I couldn't help but think, "Wow, that's a great idea!" Then I thought, "Will I be as neurotic as my father when I'm old?" And that thought scared the crap out of me because the answer was YES! Uh oh...

OCD Much?
2007-08-10 01:14:00
I took the kids to see my parents this weekend. In preparation for our visit, my dad took out my brother's old lego for Nicholas. We're talking about 25+ year old Lego. In the original box. With the price tag still attached. $32 in the 1980s! And since the Lego was old and dusty, my Dad washed each piece. Then sorted them by like pieces and bagged like-pieces together. Can you say OCD? I

Garage Doors, Car Doors. Oh My!
2007-08-06 20:37:00
I haven't been having a lot of luck around doors lately. It started last week when our garage door went kaput. As I was leaving in the morning (with the kids - Gavin was gone already), the garage door wouldn't open. After some investigation, I figured out I couldn't fix the problem myself. But, since I needed to get my car out of the garage, I needed to manually open the garage door. Yes, I
More About: Garage , Doors

Dena Vs. Shauna
2007-08-03 01:32:00
My sister-in-law, Dena (Gavin's brother's wife), has always set up a competition between the two of us. And I've never understood why.When Gavin and I got engaged (after being together for 9 years), she asked Matt, "Are you going to let your younger brother get married before you?" Matt's response? "Yes. Because they've been together forever and we're not ready to get married!"And when we got pregnant before them, she commented to me about how I would be the one to bear the first grandchild and how happy our in-laws were. And how she wouldn't bear anyone's first grandchild (her younger sister already had the first grandchildren for her parents).Then when I was pregnant with Elise, it was the same thing - not only had I borne the first grandchild, but I was also then bearing the first granddaughter. Shame on me again!And now she's pregnant with her #2. And it's a girl. (Phew.) I am so relieved. Not only will Elise have a girl cousin to play with, but Dena won't be able to ...

Dena Vs. Shauna
2007-08-03 01:32:00
My sister-in-law, Dena (Gavin's brother's wife), has always set up a competition between the two of us. And I've never understood why. When Gavin and I got engaged (after being together for 9 years), she asked Matt, "Are you going to let your younger brother get married before you?" Matt's response? "Yes. Because they've been together forever and we're not ready to get married!" And when we got

I’m Not Sure If I Should Be Proud Or Insulted
2007-08-01 23:47:00
Gavin - It’s so cute how you snore. Shauna - What? Gavin - Yeah. When either of the kids stirs at night, you stop snoring. And when the kid goes back to sleep, you start snoring away again.
More About: Proud , Insult