The Mom BombThe Mom BombThe Mom Bomb features humor, commentary, cartoons and artwork on modern parenting issues. Articles
Bye. Have Fun. Don't Get Killed, If You Can Help It.
2008-04-23 15:21:00 Another great post yesterday by Mary Alice had me ruminating on just how much things have changed in a single generation. We all know how over-protected our kids are compared to how we were raised. But when I think back about my Mom, I wonder if someone really ought to have called the cops on her. My Mom's name is Arlowyn -- Arlie, for short. In the seventies, she cut her hair in a Dorothy More About: Killed
Writer's Crock
2008-04-22 17:10:00 I think I wanted to become a writer in part because of the romantic aura surrounding those "lady authors" in the movies. You know -- like Anne Hathaway when she finally sits down to write in Becoming Jane. Or Winona Ryder, polishing off a novel in Little Women. If these movies are to be believed, all you need to write is a lace-trimmed nightshirt, flowing locks, candlelight and a quill pen
Kiwis, Kudos and Kinky Pets
2008-04-21 17:03:00 My name is Paula. And I am a . . . My God, people. Was it that obvious? My friend Becky has known me from high school and is well-aware of my irresistible attraction to geeks. But the rest of you? Do I really fly my freak flag THAT high? You don't have to answer that. Anyway, today's winner is MOTHERWISE, because my daughter Sarah "just likes her name." She's a fickle one, that Sarah. More About: Pets , Kiwis , Kudos , Kinky
When Species Meet
2008-04-20 16:32:00 Sarah decided to introduce Katy to her new kitten. I enjoy the look of sheer terror on the bunny's face. More About: Meet
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #3: Till The Cows Come Home
2008-04-18 20:14:00 What? Did you think I forgot about today's contest? That it didn't even occur to me that it's Friday, let alone Giveaway day? Perish the thought. I would never overlook a Giveaway day. NEVAH! Okay, you got me. I did forget. I was trying out a yoga class that my friend is teaching. By the time I child-posed, mountain-posed, sun-saluted and downward-dogged, I was mellowed to the point of More About: Cleaning , Home , Spring , Cows
The Real Housewives of New F#$*%$ Jersey!
2008-04-16 15:04:00 This just in: Bravo TV is in the stages of filming its latest reality series about cheesy, psychologically-disordered women with no personal boundaries . . . THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY!!! And why was I not considered for a featured role, Bravo? Am I not a housewife? Do I not live in New Jersey ? Am I not totally real? Seriously, Bravo. Don't tell me I can't compete. For instance, one More About: Real
Aggies, Rockers and Q-Tips
2008-04-15 16:30:00 I confess puzzlement over the depiction of high school cliques in Disney's cash cow, the High School Musical franchise. Ostensibly, "Gabrielle" is a Brainiac, "Troy" a Jock, and "Sharpay" a Drama Chick. But the entire cast looks as corn-fed and wholesome as if they had stepped straight from the pages of the JC Penney catalog. A far cry from my days among the Mighty Hillmen of Placer High. More About: Tips , Rockers , Aggies
Roasted Marshmallow On A Stick
2008-04-14 16:41:00 Yes, that post title makes absolutely no sense. But it's Monday and my brain hurts. Kudos to all of you who correctly identified moi as Marshmallow #1: M&Co, beckyjsacto, domestically challenged, scrappy sue and rhea. I have to ask: was it the dimples that gave me away? Marshmallows 2 and 3 were my ballet buds, Sarah and (I think) Ingrid. We spent a lot of time giggling and ogling the Snow More About: Stick
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #2: Marshmallowy Goodness
2008-04-11 15:36:00 Today's contest concerns my life as a marshmallow -- specifically, when I danced in the 1977 Sacramento Ballet production of The Nutcracker as a "Marshmallow Child." Being a Marshmallow Child basically meant huddling with a bunch of other seven-year-old girls under the giant hoopskirt of "Mother Marshmallow" -- a male dancer in drag. I remember some of the girls pulling the hair on his legs. More About: Cleaning , Spring , Goodness
At Least I Didn't Have To Shave His Head
2008-04-10 15:46:00 I had insomnia last night. Don't know why, just did. The upside of insomnia? I get to watch back-to-back episodes of HBO's In Treatment without anyone complaining about my viewing choices. The downside? I wake up feeling like roadkill, with all the brain function of a baked potato. Case in point: Every morning I have to gel down Zach's unruly cowlicks. And this morning, instead of the hair gel More About: Head , Shave
Meet George
2008-04-09 16:24:00 George was a very curious monkey. Whoops. Wrong George. This is George, a/k/a Genadi, a/k/a my father-in-law, circa mid-sixties, Minsk. If you think he looks a bit sly, you're right: he was, and is a character. From the beginning, George always had issues with authority -- even with Soviet authority. As a teenager, he listened to two things that convinced him that he had to get out of the More About: Meet , George
An Informal Poll In Lieu of Marriage Counseling
2008-04-07 16:20:00 I'm intrigued by Blogger's new poll feature -- so intrigued that I decided to give it a try. My hope is that it will help me resolve, once and for all, two controversies that have been dogging Hubs and I for some time now. Controversy #1: Is Simon Gay? If you follow Bravo's Real Housewives of NYC, I think you know what I'm talkin' about. I say any guy who adores shopping with his wife, who More About: Marriage , Poll
And Grandpappy Is . . .
2008-04-07 15:57:00 . . . #2 in Friday's photo! The winner is: Anonymous Renee! Don't be shy, Renee. De-lurk and claim your necklace! I'm not keen about posting emails/addresses on the Internet, so why don't you visit my Etsy shop and click on the "Contact Seller" link. Then we can have a nice, private exchange where you give me your mailing address. Remember -- there's more giveaways every Friday, now through
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #1: Where's Grandpappy?
2008-04-04 15:29:00 Today's giveaway is a necklace, handmade by yours truly. She's approximately 16", strung with aqua colored quartz chips, and featuring a 1" long aqua colored quartz pendant. The toggle clasp is silver-plated. I'll ship her to you in a nice box, to boot. And yes, I do ship internationally, but by snail mail only. So there. The necklace goes to the first commenter who correctly identifies More About: Cleaning , Spring
Tail-Shaker
2008-04-03 16:44:00 This absolutely terrifying post by Wonderful World of Weiners brought back a traumatic incident from my youth: There we were, Blue Birds Troop God-Knows-What. Six-to-seven-years-old, sitting with a gaggle of mothers at Auburn Cinema for a screening of Bambi. The lights dimmed, the curtain rose, and we girls squirmed in anticipation. Now Bambi is traumatic enough on a young psyche (Mommy, what More About: Tail
Business Cards To Die For: And They're Affordable, Too
2008-04-02 16:05:00 In preparation for a writer's conference I attended, I wanted business/calling cards to hand out that looked pretty and artistic . . . but I didn't want to break the bank ordering custom work. My solution was to order them from Etsy, and I couldn't be happier with the results. I chose the following design from Petite Papier: If you're also in the market, I highly recommend a quick Etsy search More About: Business , Cards
I'm Giving Away Free Stuff!
2008-04-01 18:21:00 Check back Friday Morning for my very first bloggy giveaway! The winner of my online contest will get a free gift from yours truly! I have no idea what I'm giving away. I have no idea what the contest is all about. But hey -- I've got three days to come up with something, don't I? Bet you're all excited, now. More About: Free Stuff , Free , Stuff , Giving
Quick! What Do We Ladies Have In Common With Shamu?
2008-04-01 17:30:00 No, it's not back fat, although that's an excellent guess. Turns out that killer whales (as well as pilot whales) are the only other species besides humans to experience menopause. Apparently, the rest of the animal kingdom never quits breeding. Cheetahs, warthogs, flying squirrels -- they all drop 'em till they drop. I stumbled upon this fascinating tidbit while reading about the Grandmother More About: Quick , Common , Ladies
Happy Seventh, Kiddos
2008-03-27 15:02:00 Sarah and Zach, you've come such a long way in the past seven years. There's been ups, downs and everything in between, and we've loved you every step of the way. What a lot to be grateful for. For starters, we're so happy your faces didn't freeze that way: Seriously. It was touch-and-go there for awhile. And we're doubly grateful, Zach, for all the progress you've made in self-care. More About: Happy
A Show of Hands
2008-03-26 15:40:00 All right, who's stuck at home for Spring Break and is currently going out of his/her mind with the kids? And who's on vacation somewhere warm and sunny, currently sipping a girly umbrella drink and totally oblivious to my pain. Oh that's right -- you vacation people can't respond. You're having too much fun. You're just hateful that way. But if anyone's at home and climbing the walls with More About: Show , Hands
Atonement
2008-03-26 14:58:00 The other day I was doing a bit of work at my husband's offices. He had me squirreled away in a spare office, with no clocks except on an outdated laptop and the company phone. Of course, I forgot to wear a watch -- but the company phone looked accurate, so I typed away until 3:15, giving me forty-five minutes to drive home and wait for the schoolbus to arrive at 4:00. More than enough time. I More About: Atonement
The Sound of Music Part II: My First (Gay-Hetero) Kiss
2008-03-25 15:25:00 Ever since I was a young lass, I've had a thing for gay men. For instance, when I was six or seven, I remember thinking Danny Kaye was kinda cute. Yes, that Danny Kaye. Effeminate, singing, dancing Danny Kaye, he-who-prances-around-in-tights. It never once occurred to me that Danny swung both ways -- how could it? By seven, my knowledge of human sexuality was limited to the fact that boys had More About: Music , Kiss , Sound , Part , The Sound of Music
The Sound of Music Part I: The Dark Side
2008-03-24 14:58:00 It's an Easter tradition on the networks to air the family classics, like The Ten Commandments and, my perennial favorite, The Sound of Music . So after my eighty-fifth Dove mini-egg, I settled down on the couch with my kids to sit back, let my flab cells multiply, and watch Julie Andrews work her perky magic. I've loved The Sound of Music, ever since I was a kid. I've loved the music, the More About: Dark , The Dark , Part
Dr. Doom
2008-03-20 17:10:00 You know how it is when you have hyper-sensitive kids who are prone to tormenting themselves with all sorts of doomsday scenarios? And then -- via an unwitting adult or an "educational" book -- they discover some fretful fact? Such as: the sun is due to burn out in the distant future, ending life on Earth as we know it? Or that the Ebola virus eviscerates peoples' innards? And then you spend days More About: Doom
Make Me McSick
2008-03-19 21:46:00 First Spitzer fesses up to a prostitution habit. Then love-gov Jim McGreevey validates a former driver's allegation that he engaged in three-ways with McGreevey and his wife, Dina . . . after they hit T.G.I. Friday's for nachos and fried mozarella sticks, that is. A cheap, greasy three-way. But don't go running for the shower yet, my friends. Get a load of the latest sleaze. In an official More About: Make
Mr. Sensitive
2008-03-18 20:17:00 Remember my brother? The designated family pet-burial-guy? The one who snipped off the legs of my recently deceased Rhode Island Red with a pair of garden clippers? He's 43 now. And no less of a sick puppy. "I got the kids their birthday gifts!" he informed me. A typical sisterly response to a typical brother would be: "Great!" My response was: "Oh, no. Don't tell me." So here's what he More About: Sensitive
What Do You Meme, Six Words?
2008-03-18 19:58:00 Praise be to Tootsie Farklepants for throwing a meme my way when I've got a whole lotta nothin'. The hitch? This meme requires you to describe yourself or your life in six words. Which ain't easy when you tend to run off at the mouth, as do I. But here goes: 1)Suburban hausfrau with deluded literary ambitions. 2)Husband, kids, dog, rabbit, cat, wrinkles. 3)Can pinch more than an inch. 4) More About: Meme , Words
I Can't Say I Wasn't Warned . . .
2008-03-17 15:03:00 We have a new guest at our house. He's staying awhile, I have a feeling. Sarah wanted to name him "Nermal", after the cute cat in the Garfield cartoon strip. But the way my kids pronounce "Nermal", it comes out "Normal". So we settled for her second choice: "Joey". Seems appropriate for a Jersey cat, doesn't it? Joey the Joisey cat. Joey Kittifucco. Yes, you warned me. Yes, I'm a fool.
I Hope It's A First Draft
2008-03-14 17:52:00 Remember when Bill Clinton published his autobiography? Well, my son Zach has decided to memorialize his life as well. Look what I found on the table this morning: Nice title, even if it's already been done. Straight and to the point. The opening makes for compelling reading: Editorial Note From Mom: You left a lot out, son. Like your relentless, blood-curdling screaming from acid More About: Hope , Draft
Stand By Your Man! Or, Dismember Him With A Hacksaw. Take Your Pick.
More articles from this author:2008-03-13 15:27:00 My beloved tabloid ran this piece yesterday on Silda Spitzer, the Harvard-educated, former corporate attorney who has now stood twice at her husband's side while he admitted to paying for prostitutes. The author of the article begs all politicians: ". . . Can we at least end this barbaric practice of dragging your wife before the cameras while you confess your shameful guilt? If she wasn't More About: Take Your Pick , Pick , Stand 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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