The Mom BombThe Mom BombThe Mom Bomb features humor, commentary, cartoons and artwork on modern parenting issues. Articles
I'm Dry As A Bone
2008-03-12 15:28:00 It's finally hit, people. No. Not menopause. Blogger's block. I'm sure you've had it, too. Where you stare at your little post screen. And your little post screen stares back at you: blank, white, expectant. And then your little post screen says in her Minnie Mouse voice, "I'm waiting. Surely there's something you want to say? Need to say?" Wait. A computer screen that chats? That's not More About: Bone
The Confession
2008-03-11 16:13:00 I'm not Catholic. But if I were, a trip to the confessional would be in order. And the conversation would go something like this . . . Me: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have been slothful and remiss. Priest: Go on, my child. Me: I - I have turned my back on a family member. Neglected him, even though he is totally helpless and dependent upon me for his health and well-being. More About: Confession , The Confession
Client 9? Bill Clinton is Calling and He Wants His Face Back.
2008-03-11 16:01:00 The following expression has just been approved as the international sign for "I got caught with my pants down and now there's hell to pay": More About: Bill Clinton , Back , Face , Clinton , Calling
Please Tell Me . . .
2008-03-10 15:34:00 Please tell me I'm not the only one who forgets to put the load of wet laundry in the dryer . . . for two days. Who finds her son's tae kwon do uniform balled up, damp and reeking -- the morning of his class. Who nonetheless throws the uniform in the dryer with a fistful of lavender-scented Bounty, praying it'll mask the smell . . . . . . and who takes her son to martial arts class, even though
Setback for Homeschoolers
2008-03-07 15:17:00 Warning folks: longish post. I never would have the wherewithal to homeschool. I lack the patience and dedication to work with my kids each day, and, truth be told, I looooooove -- no, scratch that! -- cherish my alone time when they're at school. There was even a time when I thought that homeschooling your children was out-and-out crazy. That was before my kids entered the public school More About: Homeschoolers
Welcome to Mid-Life
2008-03-06 17:02:00 All right, folks. I'm all crapped out again with another bug. Dang if this winter hasn't floored me. So today's meager offering is this video, which almost made me snort my codeine-laced cough syrup out my nose. More About: Life
MILF: Offensive, Stupid, or Both?
2008-03-05 17:56:00 Another piece of fascinating social commentary by the NY Post. (Yes, people, I am a proud reader of that trashy Murdoch "news" tabloid, the Post. Yes, it's crass. Yes, it's aimed at the lowest common denominator. And that's the very reason why I love it. Let the NY Times offer thoughtful commentary on global warming and profile pieces on Joyce Carol Oates. I prefer Lindsay Lohan on my front More About: Stupid , Milf
These Volumes Speak Volumes
2008-03-04 16:47:00 I'm starting my annual spring rite of going through our vast array of junk and deciding what is garage sale fodder. And I happened upon this set of children's books: Tells you something about my kids, doesn't it? I was hoping to find "Let's Talk About Nose-Picking" and "A Children's Book About Cuss Words", but oddly enough, they weren't included in the series. More About: Speak , Volumes
Silent Screams, Stealthy Squirrels
2008-03-03 16:24:00 . . . that post title pretty much sums up my weekend, friends. Friday, my voice started croaking. By Saturday, it was shot. Only when you have laryngitis do you notice the extent and frequency with which you raise your voice at your children. I whispered at them frantically: "Pick up those toys! Get your uniform on -- we'll be late for Tae Kwon Do!" They feigned confusion: "What did you say, More About: Silent , Squirrels
What's Next? A Close Reading of Beowulf in Middle English?
2008-02-29 15:47:00 If you've kept up with this blog, you know I occasionally harp on how educational standards have become out of whack. Well, I volunteered in Sarah's class yesterday. You can just call me "Harpo" today, 'cause harpin's what I'm here to do. If reading pissy little posts about the inane details of primary education isn't your bag . . . stop reading now! As usual, my job was to help kids as they More About: Reading , English , Middle , Close , Beowulf
. . . And I Thought They Were Looking for Potty-Training Tips
2008-02-29 15:20:00 I was congratulating myself on my recent surge in blog traffic . . . until I took the time to track down my visitors' Google searches. Based on a random sampling, I regret to report that my increased traffic is primarily due to teenaged boys, searching for this: Yes, friends. The "Mom Bomb" is a villain in the popular video game series Final Fantasy. It also bears an uncanny resemblance to More About: Tips , Training , Thought , Potty Training
Big Announcement. I'm Coming Out.
2008-02-27 16:01:00 . . . as an introvert, that is. (Sorry. Thought I'd wake you up, just in case the morning coffee didn't cut it.) I don't know when I stumbled upon this Atlantic article, but I've never read anything that so perfectly describes my temperament. It was an epiphany, a revelation, an Oprah "Ah-Ha!" moment all rolled in one. Us introverts, you see, have a tough row to hoe. We're not shy. And it's More About: Announcement
Blogger Is Causing Me Psychic Dismay
2008-02-27 04:03:00 Using Blogger can be akin to taking hallucinogens. First stuff starts appearing on your blog that you didn't want to appear -- like those little wrench widgets some of you might see on my sidebar. And then stuff starts disappearing, like my "email post" icon. You're supposed to see a little envelope the bottom of each post that you can click on for email forwarding. The functionality's there, More About: Psychic
The Mom Bomb's Guide to Clearing Clutter
2008-02-26 18:40:00 Cheap, junkie toys are multiplying around here faster than a raging case of herpes. And like a raging case of herpes, every time I think I've gotten rid of them, they keep coming back. But since I was raised poor, I am weak when it comes to tossing perfectly useable junk out. This goes a long way towards explaining the stacks of empty plastic Folger's containers in my pantry. Surely,I reason More About: Guide , Clearing , Clutter
And I'll Throw In The Photos of My Dog For Free
2008-02-25 18:31:00 To: Editorial Staff, People Magazine From: The Mom Bomb Re: Exciting New Photo Opportunity!!!!! Dear Editors: Congratulations on securing the rights to the first public photographs of J. Lo's twins, for the bargain-basement price of 6 MILLION CLAMS! Some may scoff that this was a wee bit high -- but c'mon! It's Jenny From The Block! And I'm sure her new young'uns are as "bootyful" as she is! More About: Photos , Free , Throw
Somebody Stop Me Before It's Too Late
2008-02-22 14:42:00 After much looking around, we finally found a breed of cat that doesn't aggravate hubs' allergies: The Siberian. And we found a reputable New Jersey breeder who just happens to have a kitten available. Of course, if we really wanted to play it safe, we'd get an ALLERCAT (insert trademark symbol here): "the world's first scientifically-proven hypo-allergenic cat." But we don't have ten grand to More About: Stop , Late
Not My Preferred Way of Waking Up
2008-02-22 14:35:00 It comes like a thief in the night . . . . . . steals up on you, without warning, while you sleep . . . . . . you wake up, feeling a sense of unease . . . something is amiss . . . . . . you peek out the window. Oh no, God. NOT. THIS...Of course, the kids are thrilled.
Rollin', Rollin', Rollin' . . .
2008-02-21 15:51:00 . . . Keep those bloggies rollin'. I finally got around to updating my Blog Roll with the names of those of you that stop by on a semi-frequent basis. But because I'm a big DITZ, I may have missed some of you. If that's the case, just post and let me know!
Speed Dating: The Six Year Old Version
2008-02-21 15:46:00 For Sarah and I, bedtime is time for "girl talk." Sarah: Mommy, when I grow up, I want to go to school in Chicago. That way I can live with Uncle Brad and Aunt Stacee. Me: That sounds like a good plan. (note to self: notify brother that he will be providing free room and board for niece for four years plus). Sarah: I'll be in my twenties then. Do people get married in their twenties? Me: More About: Dating , Speed , Speed Dating , Year , Version
I Need An Intervention
2008-02-20 14:57:00 After reading this post by Suburban Correspondent, I'm convinced I'm becoming a Blog Ho. For those of you unaware, blogging is twice as addictive as crack and just as detrimental to your personal hygiene. Health side effects include carpal tunnel syndrome, bleary eyes, and an extra ten pounds of unwanted ass-fat from sitting in front of the computer while nibbling on Girl Scout Cookies. Mental
Fit to Be Tongue-Tied
2008-02-19 16:06:00 Even at six, Sarah still has a penchant for mispronouncing words. Sometimes it's simple reversals, such as "AMINAL" for "ANIMAL." And sometimes she just conjures words up out of who knows where. In Sarah's universe, CONVESTIGATED means CONFUSED, and a UNIVERSITY is known as an AFFINERSITY. We don't get it, either. So last night, hubs and I decided to take the kids to dinner at our favorite More About: Tongue
Random and Weird: Yep. That's Me.
2008-02-16 15:39:00 Oh Tootsie Farklepants -- how did you know I had nothing to blog about? Your meme came just in time -- and it's right up my alley, to boot. Random and weird? Oh yes, ma'am. Definitely. 1. When I was around eight, I had three red hens as pets: Lucille, Mabel and Ursula. I loved running to the henhouse every morning and collecting their eggs. But we used to let them wander the yard, and eventually More About: Weird
Cheesy, Sleazy, Makes Me Queasy
2008-02-14 15:37:00 It's V-Day! Which, if you're like me, means you'll get a look of blank incomprehension from your significant other when you wish him "Happy Valentine's". Yeah, I know. Hallmark holiday, crass commercialism, true expressions of love are spontaneous. But still. I wouldn't mind a little crass commercialism thrown my way. And I don't require calories or carats. I'm a simple girl; I'll take a card:.
If Celebrities Led Our Lives . . .
2008-02-13 17:14:00 Then Jennifer Aniston would lose that hot bod and look like this: Ben and Jen would look a bit more paunchy and middle-aged . . . . And Nicole Kidman would still look scary. For more fun time-wasting, visit planethiltron.com. More About: Celebrities , Lives
I'm Smart! Really!
2008-02-13 15:49:00 Hubs and I are non-competitive, except in one respect: our intelligence. And he trumps me, often -- not in terms of fundamental "smartness", but in terms of the sheer amount of stuff he retains. His brain is like a massive sponge: he reads it, he hears it, he soaks it up for all eternity. Mine, to paraphrase Woody Allen, is more like a sieve. I read it, I hear it, I remember it for the test, and More About: Smart
Why Does This Not Surprise Me?
2008-02-12 18:28:00 "Nearly half of men would give up sex for six months in return for a 50-inch plasma TV, a British survey has found." For the rivetting full report, read here. The unreported findings: 2/3 of men would give up sex for a year for a sportscar convertible. 3/4 of men would give up their left testicle for their own private media room, equipped with hanging plasma screen, state-of-the-art surround
I'm Not Picking Up That Phone Today
2008-02-12 15:35:00 THE FOLLOWING REPRESENTS YESTERDAY'S PHONE CONVERSATIONS, DRAMATICALLY EMBELLISHED FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE. Brrrring! Brrring! Me: Hello? Cool, Authoritative Female Voice: Yes, it's the guidance counselor from school with an update on Zachary. Our intervention team doesn't think any of his issues are severe enough to warrant services. But the school psychologist and I are still observing him More About: Phone , Today , Picking
Now If Only I Could Have Her Boobs, Too
2008-02-11 16:39:00 You May Be a Bit Dependent... You're more than a little preoccupied with being abandoned. You need a lot of support in your life, at all times. It's difficult for you to survive on your own... And you don't reallly think you ever could. What Personality Disorder Are You?
Monday Mumblings of a Scattered Mind
2008-02-11 15:20:00 Monday morning. February. Sky the color of dryer lint. Guess I'll make the kiddies those NEW AND IMPROVED! Cinnamon Twists I picked up at the store. Hey -- is it me, or do these look suspiciously like regular ol' cinnamon rolls? They ARE regular ol' cinnamon rolls -- except you're supposed to unroll them and twist them before baking. Shame on you, Fat Boy. Good, got the kiddies off to school, More About: Mind , Monday
I Hate To Ask What It Is They're Really Selling
More articles from this author:2008-02-08 16:27:00 From the Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks. Who knew misplaced punctuation could be so funny? More About: Selling , Hate 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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