The Mom BombThe Mom BombThe Mom Bomb features humor, commentary, cartoons and artwork on modern parenting issues. Articles
DANGER! Bloggy Fever Is Spreading . . .
2008-01-03 18:50:00 . . . could your child be next? My spawn have already succumbed to this vicious disease. "Vicious" to me, that is. "Vicious" because two six year olds can't operate Blogger unasissted. Or type. Or . . . umm, spell. Much less read. Why did I allow them to create this stupid online running commentary on their stuffed animals? All right, I was indeed suffering from school-withdrawal, More About: Danger , Fever
This Cookie Bodes Ill
2008-01-01 17:03:00 Happy New Year, folks. Hack, hack. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm still nursing a massive hangover -- not from alcohol, just from the holiday season in general. I know this time of year is supposed to be restful and replenishing, but I always wind up feeling like roadkill. My body keeps it together until Christmas, then all bets are off. This year, it's the drip that morphs into More About: Odes , Cookie
I Feel A Resolution Coming On . . .
2007-12-28 16:01:00 It's that time of year again. Every year I come up with a nice tidy list of vague and unattainable resolutions, such as "get in shape", "think more positive" and "quit silencing kids with duct tape" (I jest. Although I am tempted by the idea.). This year, I'm keeping it real and limiting myself to simple vows that can be accomplished with only a smidgeon of effort. Such as: ERASE WHITEBOARD: More About: Feel , Resolution
Joy to the World . . . Except for Those &*%$# At Playmobil
2007-12-26 20:29:00 I sincerely hope that everyone had a terribly merry Christmas. I also sincerely hope that no one's child asked for and received an impossibly complicated German-made torture device, as did my son. For weeks now, Zach has been sweating over whether Santa would deliver his coveted Playmobil Zoo Set. Santa indeed delivered. And I'm convinced Santa hates parents. Certainly those bastards in More About: World , The World
The Great Debate: Nature v. Nurture
2007-12-18 19:01:00 I do collage work in my spare time, using vintage materials. I was delighted to find these illustrations in a 1950's science textbook, under the heading: One Individual, Two Possible Life Histories. Kid Doomed is born into squalor, as seen by the gunshot cracks in the window. His mother ignores him, as she's just too darn busy dangling her infant over a hot burner. Kid Doomed passes the time by More About: Nature , Great , Debate , The Great Debate
I'm Waiting For Child Protective Services To Call
2007-12-17 16:39:00 Zach's been a real pain in the tuchas lately. The kid has a nasty temper, but for six-month stretches, he seems to have it mastered. Then he turns some sort of psychic corner, loses a game of Candyland, and Satan's child returns. I hope the worst of it was last Thursday, the day of the Face-Clawing incident. I was in the bathroom, performing my ablutions, when I hear my kids shrieking and More About: Services , Child , Call , Waiting
The Splurge Is On
2007-12-14 15:19:00 Last night the mater calls, very weepy. Her brother -- my uncle -- has Alzheimers/dementia and is starting to lose it with hallucinations. He tells my poor aunt to keep her voice down, as there are people in the room trying to kill him. Then he draws his finger across his neck. What a suck-ass disease. My uncle was a top engineer for Boeing, assigned to all sorts of high-tech classified More About: Urge
And On an Unrelated Note . . .
2007-12-13 04:01:00 Congratulations to last night's winner of Project Runway: Nicole Richie! . . Whoops. Scratch that. The congratulations goes to Nicole's gay twin brother, Christian! . . Go, Christian! Representin' the asymmetrically shorn! On an unrelated note: a big shout out to this blog's first Iranian visitor! Welcome 243.13.54.# from Tehran! Pop quiz: Which Google search led our Tehranian to this More About: Note
Swagged Out
2007-12-12 15:28:00 Maybe it's the gray sky, the color of congealed fat, that refuses to filter in any light. Maybe I just need more shut-eye. Maybe Sarah's right: maybe it's the PMS. Whatever it is, I find myself getting in touch with my inner Scrooge. It's not that I'm an ungenerous person. I like to give a little at the end of the year . . . to my family, friends, and the deserving. For me, "deserving" includes More About: Swag
Surrender the Tree
2007-12-11 16:20:00 Sunday we hauled ourselves to the nursery and picked up a nice full Douglas fir. All four of us are still tired and cranky and coughing up gunk from the latest virus that's been making the rounds. But we still had a pleasant time -- although the thought did cross my mind that we could leave the kids chasing each other down the rows of trees, and it would be at least an hour before they noticed we More About: Tree , Surrender
As If New Jersey Didn't Have Enough Rats
2007-12-07 16:43:00 In its usual subtle, nuanced fashion, the NY Post announced that nutria are now weaseling their filthy, rat-faced carcasses into the Garden State. I first encountered nutria on our vacation to Mexico. Wait. "Encountered" isn't the right word. Actually, I FLIPPED OUT to find giant rats scurrying across the resort grounds. I'd be chillin' in the hot tub, letting my girly umbrella-drink do its More About: New Jersey , Jersey , Rats
My Spacey Girl Continues to Space . . .
2007-12-07 16:21:00 . . . so we're scheduling an evaluation for her. I'm thinking January, after the post-Chrismakkah spazziness has subsided. In the meantime, let me be neurotic and tell you what I'm grappling with: I've noticed that for much of the school day, Sarah seems to focus all right. However, she can't seem to complete her "Centers" -- 6-7 weekly projects that the kids are expected to complete More About: Space , Girl , Conti
Too Bad The Lights Weren't Plugged In When She Nibbled Through Them
2007-12-06 17:27:00 So last night I decide it's finally time to put up the outdoor Xmas decor, even though we're still slogging through Hanukkah. I find the cheesy fake pre-lit topiary tree, plug it into the outdoor jack . . . and nothin'. Next, I try our even cheesier holiday penguin light sculpture. Still nothin'. At which point I notice: . These are wires, chewed through by a certain rabbit who is now in hiding More About: Lights
At Least She Didn't Tell Me To Take A Midol
2007-12-05 15:08:00 Some weeks ago, I was less than my usual pleasant, cheerful self. My mood was subtle, but hubs sensed something was amiss when I picked his underwear up from the floor, wadded it into a ball and threw it at him. It hit his shoulder, which only made me fouler -- I was aiming for his head. So apropos of this, hubs asks, in front of the children: "Is it the PMS"? Naturally, the kids were all
Happy Pokemonukkah!
2007-12-04 16:29:00 So here's what Hanukkah looks like in our house: . What? You didn't know Pikachu is Jewish? I like to get into the holiday spirit by humiliating our pets: I also like to humiliate our plush friends with horribly cutesy attire. Witness Shlomo, the Hanukkah bear: .It's all right that I named him "Shlomo", right? If I offend anyone, believe me, it's back to "Bear". I don't want to be hunted down More About: Happy , Poke
Just Call Me A Freeloader
2007-12-03 15:27:00 Last Friday I took the kids into NYC to see The Grinch: amazing sets, sumptious costumes, lots of talent, but the story and music weren't much to recommend. Luckily, it doesn't take much to bowl over a pair of six year olds, and my two enjoyed it for the sheer spectacle. It's a long train ride back from NYC, and then a twenty minute drive from the station to home. At this point, it's almost More About: Call
My Apologies To Anyone of Egyptian Descent
2007-11-30 16:33:00 Here's the latest work of non-fiction by Zach: .I beg to differ. Any culture that built the pyramids can't be all that bad. But perhaps he meant Mes . . . opotamia? More About: Descent , Egyptian , Polo , Logi
A Future In Pharmaceuticals Marketing, Perchance?
2007-11-28 23:28:00 The bus stop ladies and I were laughing at (1) the number of us on serotonin-enhancing drugs (myself included) and (2) the ridiculous names of our medications. C'mon. Paxil? Wellbutrin? What's with the thinly-veiled subtext? Why not lay it a little more on the line? Why not Sanitain or Normalon? The erectile dysfunction drugs are also nebulously-named, for understandable reasons. But hey, when More About: Marketing , Future , Pharmaceuticals , Arma
Hooked On Feeding Insatiable Ego Through Child
2007-11-28 05:44:00 Sweet bejeezus, this commercial makes me want to puke. It's the new advertising campaign for the pre-K edition of Hooked on Phonics, and you can see it right here (just click on the little triangular play button). Note how the eagle-eyed uber-moms raise their eyebrows when they hear that little four-year-old reading like a demon possessed. You can see the animal-panic in their eyes: But my kid More About: Child , Feeding
. . . And A Note to My Readers In Macedonia and the Philippines
2007-11-27 15:49:00 . . . you will not find bomb-making instructions on this blog. I am a Mom. I jokingly, ironically, refer to myself as "The Bomb". But I know nothing about how to blow s*** up. So please, pretty please, quit googling stuff like "bomb the bus" and then visiting here BECAUSE IT'S REALLY FREAKING ME OUT! More About: Philippines , Readers , Note , Macedonia , Hili
Indulge Me While I Flip Out
2007-11-27 03:51:00 If this post reads like a brain-vomit of anxiety and frustration . . . well, it is. It's also the result of a generous glass of white whine (Relax! I post in the morning but I write the night before!) So my apologies in advance if I'm less than the level-headed, reasonable uber-Mom you know me to be. I can hear you laughing. So here goes: we just finished the first round of parent-teacher More About: Flip
Turkey Day Recap
2007-11-26 03:45:00 I don't know about the rest of you, but I was useless for the three days subsequent to that frenzy of cleaning, cooking, and gut-stuffing known as Thanksgiving. We shared Turk ey Day with our friends and their child. The wife, like me, is a Celtic-type who somehow married a Russian Jew and is now -- willingly or not -- learning the ins and outs of Russian culture. My husband jokes that she and I More About: Recap , Turkey day
(Thanksgiving) Food for Thought
2007-11-22 05:32:00 Today I give thanks: for my family and friends, health and country. More importantly, I give thanks for finally figuring out who Steven from Project Runway reminds me of. Take 50% French Stewart (note tendency to purse lips and/or squint): . And 50% John Malkovich (note soft-spoken, fey voice and wry humor): . Add a heaping portion of homosexuality and formidable design skillz, and you get: More About: Food , Thanksgiving , Thought , Hank
Another Reason Why I'm Going to Hell
2007-11-21 16:32:00 I cringe to confess this. I am not proud. But here's the deal: I thought it would be fun to join a needlework class. I love all things handmade, and I envisioned embroidering all manner of funky scarves and handbags with retro-mod designs. I also thought it would keep my withering brain active and get me out of the house, away from my novel, so I didn't turn into Jack-Nicholson-in-The-Shining. More About: Reason , Hell , Going , Goin
It's Just The Premenopause Talking
2007-11-20 17:02:00 I recently read an article attributing the rising number of wife-initiated divorces in couples 50 and over to menopause. Apparently, estrogen is the "nurturing" hormone, responsible for women's willingness to cook separate meals for picky eaters, clean vomity sheets at 2 am, and wipe hubby's toothpaste scum from the bathroom sink. Post-menopause, when the estrogen goes, so goes all the patience More About: Talking
8 Little Known Things About Me
2007-11-19 17:22:00 Motherwise has the gall -- the gall! -- to tag me with a meme when I'm furiously trying to plan my Thanksgiving menu! All right, I'm game -- but I'll pass on sending this little exercise on. During this week, that's cruel and unusual :) So here goes: 1. This morning, my children are both home from school with colds/coughs. 2. They are both driving me insane with requests for scotch tape for More About: Things
. . . And The Pokemon Got Into the Cookies, Right?
2007-11-16 19:05:00 Sarah and Zach were having a ball playing with their blowfish squirt-toys, another cheap and clutter-enhancing gift from Grandma and Grandpa. Sarah's blowfish is nameless, but Zach's blowfish goes by "Puffy". Everything was hunky-dory until Zach got overzealous and squirted Sarah in the eye. Overheard: Sarah: Owww! My eye! (Begins to cry) Mommy! Zach: SHH! Don't tell on me! Sarah: But it hurts! More About: Cookies , Pokemon , Poke , Cookie
Future Best-Seller, I Predict
2007-11-15 18:03:00 So here's a sneak peek at the title page of Zach's latest book: . I'm not sure whether the target audience is wimpy men or transgendered women, but at least the message seems positive. More About: Future , Seller , Best Seller , Predict
I Love You, Jeannie Tate
2007-11-14 15:58:00 This is the funniest bit I've seen in a long time. We all know this woman. Behind the pert, no-nonsense haircut, behind the unrelentingly cheerful demeanor, lies a cauldron of simmering rage and dashed hope. Stick her in a minivan with a captive celebrity, and it's pure gold. More About: Love , I Love You
At Long Last, A Reason To Love My Thunder Thighs
More articles from this author:2007-11-13 16:38:00 This just in! That's right, scientists have confirmed what I have long suspected: big hips and thighs = superior intelligence. Turns out the flab on my butt and upper thighs is churning out genius juice, also known as omega 3 fatty acid. So my progeny and I have significantly higher IQ's than Keira Knightley and her bird-boned ilk. Oh, sweet justice! Take that, Gwyneth, you giraffe-legged moron! More About: Love , Reason , Thunder , Long , Hunde 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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