The Mom BombThe Mom BombThe Mom Bomb features humor, commentary, cartoons and artwork on modern parenting issues. Articles
And Now I'm Getting All Verklempt . . .
2008-06-06 16:37:00 So last night was Sarah's end-of-the-year class picnic. I'm at the buffet, loading my plate up with carbs, when the mother of one the boys in her class approaches me. This boy has been held behind a year. He has some learning difficulties. He has some other issues. Don't we all? And the mother said, "I have to tell you, I really appreciate how nice your daughter has been to my son. In class
Rodent Trouble
2008-06-05 16:05:00 The other day I experienced another one of my insane Mom-jags. I have cleaning jags, exercise-and-fitness jags, plain old jaggy-jags -- you name the jag, I've done it. But here's the thing: my jags (or "manias" as my pharmacist -- oops! I mean husband likes to call them) seldom last for more than two days. Two hours, if you're lucky. So my latest jag was the classic must-educate-the-children
Sex Education: The Second Chapter
2008-06-04 16:57:00 Some of you may recall my botched attempt at explaining reproduction to my children. I'm ashamed to report that, over a year later, it's not going much better. If you'd been a fly on our wall, you'd be privy to the following conversation. (Incidentally, you'd also make friends with all the other flies, silverfish and earwigs that hang out on our walls. And then you'd all start a book club.). More About: Education , Chapter , Sex Education
What the Funk?
2008-06-03 15:58:00 The following snippet of conversation occurred yesterday between Sarah and I. Sarah: Where the funk are my shoes? Me: Wh-What did you just say? Sarah: Oopsie. I said 'funk'. Me: Umm . . . Don't say that. Sarah: But why is that a bad word? It's like "funky"! Me: It's not a bad word, actually. But the way you used it sounds very close to a bad word. Sarah: Which bad word? The one that starts More About: Funk
The Mom Bomb's B-Day Jaunt
2008-06-02 16:44:00 Thanks ever so to all of you who wished me Happy Birthday when my stinkin' husband FAILED TO DO SO. Although in his defense, he had a VERY IMPORTANT mediation to attend to that morning, on a VERY COMPLICATED, VERY MAJOR case. Yeah, whatever. Suck it up, Hubs. I kid. Hubs came home and presented me with a lovely vintage advertising poster for my 38th, so we'll all forgive him and send him cyber
Oh - And By the Way?
2008-05-30 23:37:00 . . . do you realize that it's now approximately 5:40 pm Eastern Standard Time, and Hubs has YET to wish me happy birthday? And you know what the worst part is? HIS BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW. As in: THE DAY RIGHT AFTER MINE. How can you forget your wife's birthday when it's the day before your own? But I'll have the last laugh. Tomorrow I'm dragging him into NYC and forcing him to sit with me and
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #9: A Very Brady Giveaway
2008-05-30 22:58:00 So it's our last giveaway! Whew! And incidentally, the most poorly written and prepared giveaway, since I have very little blogging time at my disposal today . . . . . . as today is my birthday. Cue Cher: IF I COULD TURN BACK TI-IME! I'm 38, now that you've asked. I'd rather be turning 40. Then my crows feet and saggy buttocks would at least be arguably, somewhat dignified. Sigh. My More About: Cleaning , Spring , Brady
The Mom Bomb's Scatalogical Yoga Post
2008-05-29 16:27:00 If you're easily offended by fart jokes, then don't read another word. You see, I've recently taken up yoga. It helps me stretch and loosen muscles I didn't even know I had. It helps me find my inner calm and live more mindfully, in the moment. It also gives me wicked gas. I start out each session fine, thanks. Then after about fifteen minutes of twisting and tugging and pushing on my More About: Yoga , Post
3 Beautiful Things
2008-05-28 19:32:00 I've been in a semi-funk lately, mainly due to child-rearing issues. So I thought I'd take a cue from Hen at Diary of a Domestic Hiss and list three random, beautiful things that help me take a step back and put things in proper perspective. First, the slight bump at the end of Daisy's nose always makes me smile. So much character in that schnozz. Second, Bambi took pity on me and spared the More About: Beautiful , Things , Beautiful Things
Yarrow Real Peach, Everyone
2008-05-27 23:00:00 Congratulations to all who participated in my Bambi-hating giveaway, and correctly guessed "yarrow" as the plant the deer won't touch. Trick question: according to the nursery stafff, Bambi wasn't supposed to go near the red-twigged dogwood I planted. Fat chance. Bambi mowed it to the ground. Anyway, I wrote the winners names on the backs of my fingers, then had Sarah randomly select one (Karen More About: Real , Peach
Primal Instinct
2008-05-26 22:35:00 So this Memorial Day weekend, I took the opportunity to clean up a bit around here. I unearthed my lost bite plate in the junk drawer (shoved in before company could see it), the equivalent of an entire box of Cheerios behind the sofa cusions (I let my kids eat on the couch), and a long-forgotten earring in the utensil drawer (who knows?). Sadly, I can't find it's mate, so it's getting buried in More About: Primal
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #8: Die, Bambi, Die
2008-05-23 21:43:00 Here in New Jersey, there's been so much development that experts predict the state will have reached its housing saturation point in roughly forty years. All this overdevelopment has meant green fields of farmland giving way to McMansions, country roads clogged with traffic, and a surplus of Target superstores. Sobering stuff. But for me, the most insidious result of overdevelopment, bar none More About: Cleaning , Spring
. . . And Now For a Quick Show of Hands
2008-05-21 13:28:00 . . . who routinely drops 100 bucks at the grocery store, stares down at her purchases and thinks: That's it? That's enough food and supplies for like, what -- four days? Do the kids really need protein? Don't Ramen noodles qualify as a food group? . . . who's on oil heat? Who is refusing to turn up the thermostat again, even in the midst of an unexpected late-Spring temperature drop? Mainly More About: Show , Hands , Quick
You Always Remember Your First
2008-05-21 13:02:00 . . . Comment, that is. I started this blog a little over a year ago, and remember feeling like I was shouting into the vast regions of cyberspace, only to receive a resounding echo back. Oh, sure. I'd receive the occasional comment. It usually read something like this: Is funny, your blog? HA HA HA I am so funny as well. Visit me for jokes and much merriment. Trade links! Yours truly,
In Which I Struggle To Be Open-Minded
2008-05-20 17:47:00 I like to think of myself as a tolerant person, one who welcomes anyone into the fold, without pre-judging them based on their looks or any other superficial marker. Well, my lovely, self-satisfied self-image was challenged last Saturday, when I showed up for my hair appointment. My usual stylist had quit without another gig lined up. In the meantime, my short haircut had grown to the point More About: Open
Hormonally Challenged
2008-05-19 18:00:00 Not to overshare, but I am premenstrual. That's right: Psychotic, Sadistic and Mean. So when I announce that today's winner is Jenn from Juggling Life, I know that NOT ONE of you will complain -- unless you want me to launch into a sobbing, hormonally-fueled verbal tirade about how unappreciated I am and the unfairness of it all. Didn't think so. Jenn wins because her haiku was art imitating
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #7: How Do You Spring?
2008-05-16 14:31:00 First off, let me tell SUNSHINE and SCRAPPY that I've been derelict in getting certain packages mailed off to them. Why? Because I'm lame. You can ask my kids, if you don't believe me. But I'm fully intent on making it to the post office today, ladies. Second, a quiz: what do you get when you add SUBTERRANEAN STRESS to a SNORING HUSBAND? Ding! Ding! Ding! The answer is: INSOMNIA! And you More About: Cleaning , Spring
My Dirty Little Secret . . .
2008-05-15 16:29:00 . . . well, one of them, at least. I don't want to unload all my filthy baggage on you at once. Your head might explode. Cyber-waves of shock might roll across the blogosphere and break the Internet. Or something like that. So here's just one, specially-selected gem from my panoply of dirty secrets: Sometimes I tell my kids to skip their homework. And then we never do it. I just never pack More About: Dirty , Secret
Thanks
2008-05-14 15:57:00 Thanks for a lively discussion on the value of a liberal arts degree on yesterday's post. Coincidentally, I just heard an interesting radio interview with an educational consultant, who argues that college just isn't worth the cost for some young people. He brought up the point that today's parents groom their kids for white-collar careers and look down on the skilled trades. This always
My Obnoxious Whine About Higher Education
2008-05-13 16:53:00 I went to one of the so-called "good" colleges: Stanford. It changed my life, in a lot of important ways. One of them being, party guests frequently puzzle at my abysmal Trivial Pursuit skills. And when I say -- as I am wont to do -- something that's just deeply, goofily wrong, people are apt to look at each other and whisper: She went to Stanford? Obviously, Stanford ain't what it used to be. More About: Education , Higher , Higher Education , Obnoxious , Whine
This Is One Doobie You Don't Want to Smoke
2008-05-13 02:04:00 . . . and the winner of the necklace is SUNSHINE, for her brilliant Penguin-naming skillz. Sarah laughed and laughed at the name "Doobie". Doobie, people. Now do you believe Sunshine when she says her parents were hippies? Another thing: Sarah's choice was in NO WAY influenced by those adorable penguins Sunshine pointed us to on YouTube. Anyway, thanks Sunshine, and "convo" me at my etsy More About: Smoke
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #6: Name That Penguin!
2008-05-09 16:21:00 We're having a bit of a crisis, over here. We need a name for Sarah's new Webkinz Penguin : Which brings me to today's contest: Submit a name for our plush, heavily-marketed penguin-friend. If Her Majesty Sarah deigns to pick yours, you win one of my handmade necklaces: This one features a nice cushion-cut carnelian pendant against turquoise-colored beads, for those of you who like the More About: Cleaning , Spring
I Can't Say You Didn't Warn Me
2008-05-08 19:28:00 Thanks everyone, for all your kind and helpful words on Zach. I almost broke down in tears after that conference, but then I shook myself, realizing that I've got a long road ahead with that kid. And as you've reminded me, a road that includes many delights and suprises along with the bumps. Still, seeing as I've been a little sleepless with worry, I wouldn't mind catching up on the Z's in the
Square Pegs, Round Holes, Total Confusion
2008-05-07 17:40:00 Yesterday Hubs and I sat down with six school professionals for an IEP conference on Zach. His teacher, speech therapist, school psychologist and counselors want him evaluated for his unwillingness to play with other kids during recess. They also wanted him evaluated for deficiencies in his "social pragmatic language." The highlight of the conference was when someone raised the specter of More About: Confusion , Total , Round , Holes , Square
The "End" Is Near
2008-05-07 03:25:00 In keeping with last week's butt-themed contest, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the Amazon gift card is none other than . . . The above image is in no way intended as commentary on the size of Foolery's hind end. It is, however, indicative of my twisted and cow-obsessed mind. Only Foolery and Texas Tesla correctly identified "Butts All Over" as the imaginary TV show my children
East, West, Home is Best
2008-05-05 16:43:00 Coming home from vacation has its drawbacks. The week's worth of bills and junk mail you have to sift through. The answering machine full of calls that need to be returned. The suitcase full of dirty clothes waiting to be laundered. But nothing beats a good night's sleep back in your own bed, without being sandwiched in between two squirmy kids. Or eating fresh food that isn't breaded, More About: Home , East , West , East West
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #5: The Butt of All Jokes
2008-05-02 23:08:00 Today's giveaway will be short and sweet, as my spouse and progeny are yelling at me to get off the computer, already, and head to the beach. Miami Beach is agreeing with us quite nicely, thanks. In fact, the whole vacation has been the calmest ever with our kids, with nary a temper tantrum or whine (. . . yet. It's not over till it's over). Wait. There was one moment -- one hour, rather -- More About: Jokes , Cleaning , Spring , Butt
I Are Tired and Soon Will I Be Broke
2008-04-29 01:54:00 Hello, all, and Happy Monday. I'm posting late today due to post-traumatic shock. Yes, I had a little "incident" that left me hyper-ventilating, sweating and shaking -- and when I overcame that, cursing like a sailor. You see, I just paid a buck-fifty for a lil' ol' bag of M&M's. Except they weren't really M&M's. They were Disney's Chocolate Spots. And where else do you encounter such More About: Tired
Spring Cleaning Giveaway #4: Three of These Things Belong Together
2008-04-25 16:50:00 Today's contest is for a Bliss Spa Set of Foot Softening Socks and Sock Salve. You just slather the salve over your rock-hard feet, slip on the socks while you watch TV (or sleep!), and wake up to heels and toes soft as a baby's butt. I can vouch that it works because I've used it before . . . . . . and received it twice this Christmas. You think my family's trying to tell me something? More About: Cleaning , Spring , Things
Now I Need To Watch My Back
More articles from this author:2008-04-24 16:36:00 Yesterday's conversation in the car: Sarah: When I grow up, I want to be a fighter pilot, a basketball player, or a vet. What do you want to be, Zach? Zach: Do I have to work when I grow up? Sarah: Well, if you want money for food and a house, you do. Zach: Can't I just live with Mom and Dad? Me (verbally): Of course you can. Me (mentally): Oh Please, Sweet Loving Jesus, let him be More About: Watch , Back 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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