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The Dog Ate My Homework for Adults
2008-05-02 00:00:00
A Frenchwomen has gone to jail for twelve years for slicing off her husbands penis and blaming the dog for biting it off and eating it. The seriously traumatised penisless husband is confined to a psychiatric hospital. The police have not been able to recover the penis.I wonder what he did to piss her off that much? Speaking for myself, that would be quite an adjustment.At least this guy got his back.
More About: Homework

Too Many Drugs?
2008-04-30 14:02:00
San Francisco Tibet Protest 2008.What was that deal with Jesse Owens in 1936?I have this as my desktop on my computer to remind me how intelligent my work colleagues are.Thanks Mr Eugenides
More About: Drugs

Whats for dinner tonight and tomorrow
2008-04-30 13:37:00
and the day after that......?A bit more challenging than chicken leftovers. You'd need a big fridge and a large frying pan for all that calamari. or a huge barbecue. The one being defrosted is around 500 kilograms and just medium sized. I know I would freak out if I came across one in my bath. Just the eyes are 11 inches in diameter and it is not full grown. I can imagine my kids reaction.
More About: Dinner , Tonight , Tomorrow

The Last Trip
2008-04-30 13:13:00
Fresh in the wake of the death of the father of techno, Tristram Cary, Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who discovered the now-banned hallucinogenic drug LSD that was an icon of psychedelic '60s, has died at the age of 102.In 1938 while working on ergot, a fungus that attacks grain, Hofmann isolated the German-named "Lysergsaeure-Diaethylamid," or lysergic acid diethylamide.Five years later, working in his lab, Hofmann spilled some synthesised LSD on his hand.The effects were immediate: suffering from dizziness, the scientist cycled home and pedalled into his first "trip".Hofmann later said that a wave of happiness swept over him as he recalled sensations from his childhood. He also began to hallucinate and he felt able to fly.Put these two guys together. What a party.TRIP Albert Hofmann
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Some people have all the luck
2008-04-29 12:43:00
Just another average life. This guy survived going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, only the second person to do that, no mean feat, and died after slipping on an orange peel while on a publicity tour in the Antipodes.Thanks Jayne for that important piece of information.
More About: People , Luck

Adelaide Rave King Dead
2008-04-29 00:31:00
The father of Techno and Hip Hop and the composer of the original Dr Who theme (thanks DoctorVee in comments) of electronic music for Doctor Who has died in Adelaide , aged 82.The father of electronic music wore tweed jackets, had a refined English accent and smoked a pipe.Tristram Cary, who has died in Adelaide, aged 82, came up with the idea of electronic and tape music while a naval radar officer during World War II.He founded the electronic music studio at London's Royal College of Music in 1967 and, seven years later, migrated to Australia to establish a similar studio at the University of AdelaideThe Elder Conservatorium of Music head of music technology studies, Stephen Whittington, said Mr Cary's contribution to music was "impossible to quantify"."He laid the foundations," Mr Whittington said today.Where would the ecstasy market be without him? I wonder if they will have a rave instead of a wake?
More About: Rave , Dead , King

Selecting a Mobile Phone
2008-04-29 00:24:00
Microsoft is considering entering the mobile phone market with a model to tackle the complexity of the IPhone . Maybe not. I think I will stick with my Nokia.
More About: Mobile , Mobile Phone

Pierre's New Penguin Suit
2008-04-27 00:54:00
Pierre the penguin has a new penguin suit so that he can swim in the cold water. His version of the penguin universe normally lives to 20 and Pierre is 25 and balding.The experiment has proved to be a success. In the six weeks since Pierre started wearing the suit, he has been thriving, able to plunge into water and interact normally with his fellow penguins. He has gained weight and has even grown new feathers to help cover up that pink behind. His penguin friends don't seem to mind that he looks at bit different ? they all have white stomachs while his, with the suit on, is black.Onya Old GuyWe have Larry, the relatives ancient Australian Terrier to stay while they are on vacation. He is completely deaf, incontinent and waddles around in an old and infirm way. No fun to be old. Still cute, just like Pierre.
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Marriage Guidance 101
2008-04-26 22:47:00
I am forever indebted to Nunyaa and Auld Reekie Rants for the following valuable advice. I am coming up to my ten year anniversary second time around. Perhaps digesting this will allow me to get through the next ten years relatively unscathed and with the same woman.WORDS WOMEN USE:1. Fine:this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.2. Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.3. Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.4. Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don?t Do It!5. Loud Sigh:This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and ar...
More About: Marriage

I eat my first Vegemite Sandwich
2008-04-26 22:24:00
Image via WikipediaYesterday I ate my first Vegemite Sandwich . My son only ate one and I was rushing out the door and was handed the other to eat in the car. My daughter and her friend were incredulous that I could have lived this long and not savoured the delights. I know why! Must be an acquired taste and not being Aussie, I don't have to justify it.While we are on the topic, there is this. Tricky. I have no ideas which ones I got right or wrong.Anyway on my way Mates!You are 83% Aussie! She'll be apples in the morning with a bit of practice. Break out the barbie and invite some mates over. Chuck some Vic bitter Coopers Pale in the esky, grill up some Vegemite Prawns on the barbie, fire up some AccaDacca, turn on the footy and have a bonzer time!How Aussie are you?Thanks Nunyaa and James

I'll Go For Foreign and Knowledeagable Thanks
2008-04-26 22:07:00
You are 82% English. You are either native and stupid, or you are foreign and knowledgeable.How English are you?In reality, I am about as English as a Haggis Supper at The Ritz.Thanks James
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Photo Hunt: Unique Funny Signs
2008-04-25 09:27:00
We got this one close to our house, where Hannah has a street named for her. There are so many funny signs on the internet, but this is unique for Hannah.photohunt
More About: Funny , Photo , Signs , Unique

Sturts Desert Pea
2008-04-24 06:57:00
Yesterday on my way to project management training at the National Wine Centre, which is next to the Adelaide Botanic Garden, I came across Sturts Desert Pea. It is the State Flower of South Australia and I had heard of it through the Desert Pea Blog, another Adelaide blog, but I had never seen it before. My boss who was with me at the time told me he had lived in Alice Springs during one of the years they had huge floods and that after that, the desert turned red with Desert Peas.The plant is very unremarkable for most of the year, prostrate and grey green and adapted to very arid conditions. When it decides to flower, it is glorious.

Revisiting My Primary School Readers
2008-04-21 22:27:00
Some of my old primary school readers have been updated to reflect important contemporary issues. Where did all that bed rock of trust personified by the likes of Dixon of Dock Green go?Not having lived in the UK for over twenty years I am surprised at some of the current police practices.I actually had this book. I can remember some of the illustrations. Nothing in here about guarding Olympic Torches. Very clever. My brother sent these in an email, so no idea who the clever insurgents are. There are more pages, which I will get a link for.
More About: United Kingdom , Readers , School , Nostalgia , Primary

Australia Expands
2008-04-21 22:01:00
Australia has expanded by 2.5 million hectares, giving it access to valuable oil and gas potential.The extension to Australia's territorial jurisdiction stems from the findings of a United Nations commission on the limits of the continental shelf and the ratification of the 1982 Convention on the Law of the Sea.The decision gives Australia the rights to whatever exists on the seabed in the area, including oil and gas, and biological resources such as micro-organisms that could potentially be used to develop medicines.That is a lot of valuable oceanic real estate, especially if oil remains as high as it is at present.
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Liberal Party New Theme Song
2008-04-21 18:23:00
With Australian Prime Minister Kevin "Cult of Celebrity" Rudd ruling out a new national anthem for Australia, to replace the moderately awkward current anthem, Brendan "A Little Bit Hot and Cold" Nelson, the uber popular opposition leader has authorised a new anthem to drum up support within the party.This will attempt to link his personal quest with that of the Liberal /National Party Coalition"I am very determined, and I will keep fighting and standing up for everyday Australians," he said. "I assure you, I'm going nowhere." Dr Nelson's approval rating fell last week to about 9 per cent.He has got to have one of the worst jobs in Australia and he is doing it badly.Roll on the sympathy vote.
More About: Song , Theme , Kevin Rudd

He'll be ready. So will Glasgow.
2008-04-20 05:16:00
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; } He'll be ready. So will Glasgow ., originally uploaded by mr_phillip. Aye RightWith all the focus on Beijing, don't forget Glasgow is hosting the Commonwealth Games in 2014. This photograph exposes the worst in cynical Scottish thinking about what it means. Very confronting. That said, Glasgow was European City of Kulcha. If it can do that it can host the Commonwealth Games.And this is how Glasgow won the bid.
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Beattie Greenwashes Eco Tourism
2008-04-20 04:55:00
Former Queensland Governor, Peter Beattier, now swanning it up in the United States is pitching eco tourism in Queensland to wealthy Americans and Europeans."Global warming not only demands environmental answers but will see an increasing desire ... for clean, green tourism destinations which are environmentally friendly and carbon neutral." He said an increasing number of American and European tourists would demand eco-friendly tourist activities and accommodation. "Queensland's rainforests and Great Barrier Reef will be prime targets for these environmental tourists, and operators who promote themselves as environmentally friendly and carbon neutral will be the big winners," he said. "Indeed, holiday experiences which include a focus on the dangers facing the reef from rising global temperatures will have a particular appeal, especially if Australian tourism operators highlight the positive role Australia is playing in fighting carbon emissions and global warming."The guests will...
More About: Global Warming , Environment , Tourism

Photo Hunt: Thirteen
2008-04-20 00:37:00
Thirteen Blooming Sunflowers (plus one getting ready to bloom).photohunt
More About: Photo , Thirteen , Hunt

Up Yer Kilt Hugh Cheape from Mel Gibson and Me
2008-04-20 00:03:00
Apparently all those Braveheart images of uncouth semi naked highlanders dashing into battle with their bagpipes and kilts is just romantic imagination. Well blaw me doon.But contrary to popular belief, the great Highland bagpipe never led the Scottish clans into battle against the English, nor did kilted pipers carry them around the castles of Highland chieftains, playing laments to the fallen. In fact, says a new history by a leading authority on the much-loved ? and loathed ? instrument, the Highland bagpipe was invented less than 200 years ago, primarily for urban audiences. And what's more, it was largely created using money from wealthy Scottish emigres living in London. In a new book, Hugh Cheape, a leading Gaelic historian and expert piper, argues that the origins of the instrument have been confused by decades of mythology and deliberate invention; even, he hints, by deception. Like most tartan regalia and the modern kilt, the great Highland bagpipe and many of its traditi...
More About: Scotland , Mel Gibson , Bagpipes , Gibson

Pelican Takes Out F-111
2008-04-19 01:09:00
Australia is in the process of decommissioning their fleet of F-111 Fighter Bombers. Yesterday a Pelican helped them on their way. RIP Mr Pelican. What a way to go. Sucked into a jet engine.All the things that designers plan for, but a pelican at 900 metres is probably not one of them. I wonder if they show up on radar.
More About: Pelicans , Animal Cruelty

World Record Mass Orgy in Japan
2008-04-19 00:51:00
Only in Japan . An organised orgy with 500 participants. Available on DVD.Prude Alert Warning. Naughty PictureFeel Free to Look AwayI had to laugh. This looks more like what I hated about physical education in high school than the joy of sex.
More About: World , World Record , Record , Mass

Scottish Cultural Lessons: Humour
2008-04-18 11:55:00
Although these were compiled by Mike Smith of Auld Reekie Rants, I feel that they are sufficiently in the public domain that they are fair game to republish.For those without a Scottish cultural background, I have to say sorry. Detailed explanations available in comments given sufficient groveling or large quantities of unmarked virtual bills.A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. 'Comfy?' asks the dentist. 'Govan,' she replies. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?' 'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter. 'That's affa deer,' says the guy. Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. 'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate. 'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,' he replies. What do you ...
More About: Humour , Lessons , Cultural

Our Fish Have Names
2008-04-18 08:43:00
Ryan and I were in our very nice neighbourhood pet shop yesterday and impulsively bought four more fish. We now have a family of Shibunkins, Comets, Fan Tails and Moors, including the two nameless ones that we already had. They are somewhat more real now that Ryan has given them names. So *roll drums* Introducing:Silver Fish Little ThingDarth VaderBillySee ThroughGold CheckeredWelcome.It is so great to spend time with the kids, during the holidays, but time alone with each of them is very special. Mum and Hannah have gone to visit Granny and so Ryan and I are just hanging out enjoying the sunny Autumn day.While we were at it, he decided that he couldn't name the seven budgies today. Too many other things to do. So they will just remain "The Budgies"
More About: Names

Survivor Daddy
2008-04-17 23:55:00
Meg posted this. I thought it was funny.Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ?pretend? bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time. Each man must also take each child to a doctor?s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they?re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house...
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What? Nae Haggis?
2008-04-16 16:34:00
Maw. When am gettin aw nostalgic ye'll ken what tae send.Thanks Tartan Cross Parcels
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Lizard Queen Snipes at Critics
2008-04-16 16:10:00
Apparently it was all true in Bosnia. It is so hard to believe what you read in the press. They must have it in for her.Thanks Norfolk BloggerAnd in another shocking turnaround, Her Hillaryness has offered to negotiate in good faith with the Armani suited mean bitter and twisted one, to ensure that The Candidate of Destiny with the most experience in the White House, who can drink with the best of them..... the best candidate gets the nomination.Whew. I thought it was just about to get really nasty there.Update: Seems that they have agreed on a compromise.*vomits quietly*Thanks Simon
More About: Queen , Lizard , Critics

Australians Awake! Big Brother is Watching You
2008-04-16 15:14:00
From Crikey's Daily Email.This kind of stuff is very disturbing and more in tune with Bush's Department of Homeland Security than Australia, but apparently not. More amazing is that it is being spearheaded by Howardistas.The government is proposing a dramatic extension of snooping powers of employers as part of an ongoing co-option of the private sector into the national security state framework. In particular, the protection of "critical infrastructure" has allowed the development of a complex and highly-rewarding partnership between governments and the private sector.The private sector, across areas such as transport, communications, IT and energy, is a willing participant in the process of establishing a system for monitoring and protecting their facilities and the public infrastructure they use, all in the name of preventing or effectively responding to terrorism. After all, the process allows companies access to government funding for the maintenance and upgrading of monitori...
More About: Big Brother , Watching , Brother , Australians , Awake

I am a little Nomophobic
2008-04-16 13:52:00
Photo from Chris Jordan Worth having a look at his stuff. Last week I dropped my whiz bang company mobile phone into a small rock pool taking the dog for a walk at the beach at Brighton. Yes I know, we have all the UK town names here in South Australia. Other than the immediate disappointment at my bad luck when the phone decided to glow for a few minutes and then turn off, life went on for the rest of the evening. I reverted to my older Nokia phone, which while not quite so fancy is simple and reliable and you can actually make and receive calls to people. Amazing concept for a mobile phone No extraneous stuff like cameras, MP3 players, blue tooth and the like, but we all have our hardships. It made me realise how much I would miss having a mobile phone and how grateful I was that I could just charge up the battery and swap the sim card and carry on..While the always available world that we live in today is almost a requirement for work, it grates against my wish for privacy. Perso...

Revealed! What I wear under my kilt
2008-04-16 05:36:00
Jocko Underwear. Now you know. This guy looks like he has two or three haggises stuffed down there. Thanks I love Bacon (I do too).
More About: Wear , Kilt