La Belle Saison

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Silence is Golden
2008-06-06 22:09:00
Boo! Yes it's been mighty quiet around here and for that I apologise. You see FP and I have moved into our love shack in Versailles and have been rather busy lately. Not only that but we have no internet connection. Not only that but as this is France, there will be no internet connection for the next two weeks. C'est pas possible.Naturally - of course it's sod's law when you have no internet access - I have so much to write about. There have been so many funny and crazy things that have happened in the past few weeks and I am itching to share, but for that I needa) time and b) an internet connection and believe me; at the moment both of these things seem very hard to come by.So there you go, my excuses as to why you have not heard a peep out of me. But fear not! For I am searching for a good internet café in Versailles so hopefully after today there will be no more long gaps in this little plebian blog of mine. I promise tales of cringey happenings are coming soon as I ...
More About: Golden , Silence

Some Piccy Wiccies
2008-05-20 19:23:00
I am such a good blogger with good blogger etiquette that when you ask for photos, I give you photos. Voila!!A day in Versailles apartment hunting. Perfect day, even if we had no luck, it was just so nice to be back together again. Now that I really, really live in France I get to have a new shiny pink French phone! Woohoo!Fresh croissants to break the fast. Heaven.Oh and fresh coffee too. Real coffee, none of that Nescafé shite that we drink back home.At Chateau de Versailles I sat down and took a rest because my feet were killing me and my new shoes were filling up with blood. Then I just had the notion to write the word 'Love' with some pebbles and take a photo of it. So I did. Ca-razy.The building on the right is the Mairie de Versailles. The rest of the photo shows how big the roads are in Versailles. Love it.This is the front of the Marie. Impressive no?Again...um the Marie. Sorry these pictures are probably not atall interesting to the majority of you.The Cathéd...

The Apartment
2008-05-19 18:39:00
FP and I followed the estate agent closely as she clonked up the wooden stairs in her chunky heels. Was that the fashion now? Chunky high heels? I looked down at my own scaffy flip-flops and realised that I was no longer able to afford to keep up with the fashion. I was a bohemian with ripped jeans and flip-flops now; destined to be warming tinned baked beans every night for dinner for the next few years. That's what happens when you get your first real job and decide to pay the majority of your measly income on rent just to live in Versailles.I held tightly onto FP's hand as we climbed the steps, the lady in front of us making chit-chat in fast French that made my brain tumble. The stairs curved and spiralled their way up several levels but she stopped outside the main door on the second floor.I held my breath as she pulled out the keys and jingled them in her hand, trying to find the right one to match the keyhole. The words, please be good, please be good, please be goo...

The Good Side
2008-05-17 19:08:00
We lay in bed for as long as possible, making the most of a Saturday morning when neither of us had to get up at 6.30am. Our bodies were entertwined, my head on his chest, our limbs entangled, and his hand softly stroked my lower back."Are you happy here?" his voice broke the silence.I moaned and turned to face him. I was still too sleepy to speak. Without opening my mouth I replied, "mmhmm"."Are you homesick baby?"My hand searched for his under the duvet, and when I found it I squeezed his fingers reassuringly. "Not yet."He laughed, turned onto his side and planted thousands of tiny kisses all over my face. In return I gave a delighted squeal. "Now you've gone and woken me up!" I said in a mock-cross voice. "Mais bébé, réveille toi! Il est 9 heure.""Nooooooo, it's too early for a deep conversation!" I tried to turn, to get away from his grip and to hide my face in the pillow, to shut out the light. I still had another hour of sleep in me. But he wasn't having it. He t...
More About: Good , Side , The Good

"Where is the punchline?"
2008-05-11 15:24:00
This is so hard.I knew moving to France would always have it's ups and downs but...man, I feel like such an eejit here. Life as a foreigner is difficult; way more difficult than I ever imagined.In Britain I'm interesting, funny, amusing, worth listening to... But here, in France, I'm nobody. I'm certainly not funny; when I eventually get to the genius punchline of an anecdote that I find to be be hilarious I am greeted with an empty silence, punctuated with the bored sigh of someone sat at the dinner table waiting for me to get to the end of my dull story. I actually have to announce to everyone that 'that's the end, j'ai finis' and even then they don't crack a smile. I'm rewarded with nothing, no laughter, no polite titter, no fake smiles, nothing. Sometimes someone utters, 'c'est où, la blague?' but really, that's all I get.Theres nothing fake about the French. If they don't find your story funny, they won't crack even the tiniest of smiles. At least, at h...

La Belle Saison Part Two - Cracked
2008-05-07 18:04:00
I've now been 'living' in France for one week. I won't lie. It's not all been croissants and chèvre and wine. If I'm completely honest with you I'd go as far as to say it's all been rather difficult actually.I was doing really well, holding onto my sanity and the like, until last night when I totally cracked and started crying into my vodka and orange juice while we were having our apèro. It's not that I'm missing home or anything like that, it's just that FP and I haven't managed to get ourselves an apartment yet and let me tell you, French apartment owners (or landlords if we are going for the 'proper' term) hate foreigners. Even though I've used italics to convey the amount of hate they have for us, I don't feel that it demonstrates just how much they hate having foreigners renting out their property, so I shall repeat myself; French landlords HATE foreigners. There that's a little better.I won't back up my statement with any evidence, because, frankly, the stor...
More About: Part , Belle , Cracked

J'habite à Paris
2008-05-04 17:47:00
I emerged from Charles De Gaulle Airport lugging my largest suitcase behind me. It was stuffed to the gills; full of everything but the kitchen sink (although I can assure you that if the kitchen sink were a packable item I'm quite sure I would have given it a go - I got a bit carried away with the packing and wanted to take as many home comforts as possible. Sadly, kitchen sink not an option though). The ridiculously massive backpacker's knapsack that was upon my back was similarly stuffed and was so heavy that my arms kept turning a grey-ish blue shade as the shoulder straps dug so deeply into my flesh that they cut off my circulation. But you can't move to another country and travel light, can you? C'est juste pas possible.Paris had made sure I received a warm welcome. She had chased away the clouds and the sun was shining directly upon me , making me sweat as I navigated my way out of the terminal building and through the crowds of business travellers and holidaymakers...

The Dentist will see you now..mwhahaha
2008-04-28 15:19:00
Sometime last week I found myself in the dentist?s chair. I say I found myself there, but I hadn?t really lost myself to begin with, and the visit was a planned appointment so I suppose I shouldn?t start off this post by making out as though I somehow awoke in a dentist?s surgery, with some pure mental dentist coming at me, laughing hysterically, his head back, mouth wide open, chainsaw buzzing away in his hand like the stories you read in Chat Magazine (?Chiselled to death by mad dentist!?). Nah, this was just an average routine check-up in which I knew exactly where I was and why. (But if you were looking for that kind of story I'd highly recommend Chat Magazine.) Now, I have a theory about dentists and I?m not just saying this because I really can?t understand anybody who actually chooses a profession where you spend 6 hours a day peering into people?s mouths nor because they still don?t seem to realise that we can?t talk when they have our mouths cranked wide open and t...
More About: Dentist

Scotland I'm going to miss you
2008-04-27 15:17:00
Last night, while chillaxin' (hint: use this word if you wanna be seen to be 'down' with the kids) in the living room with the family, I looked out the window and was struck by the beauty of the sunset. It's really not often that we see a cloudless sky in Scotland , but we do get beautiful sunsets fairly often, especially in the summer months. I had to jump up and immediately take some snaps before the colours evaporated into the darkness (although this was 'frowned upon' by the other residents in the street as they peered out their windows at me in disgust, thinking I was taking photos through their net curtains like some paparazzi kid. I mean does my camera look like binoculars to you?! I wasn't spying! Anyway...). They came out pretty damn well even if I do say so myself. Just wanted to share them with you.And in other news, I have booked my one way ticket to Paris. Oh la la la la. C'est parti!I
More About: Miss , Miss You

Trouve-moi
2008-04-22 14:22:00
I'm a bit of a photo freak lately, what with my new camera and all, and the other night, when I was chez Zannie, we were looking through some old photos. We unearthed an old school photo from when we were eight or nine years old that made us laugh.When I showed the picture to FP he knew who I was almost straight away, but when I showed my dad he pointed out two other girls before he found me! So, do you know me better than my own dad? Can you find me in the picture below? The first with the correct answer wins! (you will probably have to click to view a larger image.)I

DISCHARGED
2008-04-21 02:19:00
This week I got the closest to a ?you?re cured? I?m ever going to get. My specialist ? a dermatologist who I?d been seeing since the very beginning, 4 years ago ? discharged me. She took a large, chrome stamp, weighing it in her hand, and pressed it in a rectangle of red ink before stamping it down satisfyingly on my thick case notes. DISCHARGED. While she left the room to get some forms, my hand reached out for the bulky brown ring binder which is, apparently, the second volume of my case notes. My fingers traced the imprint of my name, written out in full, in harsh black capitals, before resting on the severe looking letters that meant so much to me. DISCHARGED. Such a small, insignificant word to most but to me it was everything. It was hope, health, happiness. It was life. It was future. It was the end of the battle. This word signified my winning the war against all the odds. It was the difference between wanting to live and wanting to die. That was how...

Miam miam
2008-04-19 16:26:00
While eating lunch at a cafe recently, I saw this sign;Pickled girl, anyone? Yummy!I

A Slip of the Tongue
2008-04-14 20:54:00
?Just a blow dry and a trim today then, toots?? Shanna, my hairdresser, asked me as she rubbed my damp hair with a towel. I nodded, ?yeah, just take away any stray ends, cheers.? I looked at my reflection in the mirrored wall in front of me and felt myself relax. A girl deserves a pamper every now and again, and where better to go than the hairdressers, where stylists can touch up your roots at the same time as letting you in on any gossip that may have passed over your head. I doubt I'll be lucky enough to find a good stylist in Versailles whoa) can fill me in on the latest scandal in the villageorb) loves Coronation Street as much as I do (although I haven't given up hope just yet) and so this is why I found myself in the hairdressers today, despite having had my hair done not so long ago - as the French say, je profite. As Shanna blasted my hair with the dryer I flicked through Vogue, sighing over the haute couture fashion that I will never be able to afford. The ding-a...
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I've been driving in my car, it's not quite a Jaguar
2008-04-11 17:44:00
Yesterday I passed my driving test! Haha! It still hasn't quite sunk in, even though I have been a legal non-learner driver for over 24 hours now. After all these years I had come to terms with the fact that I was destined to be one of those people who has to use the bus to do her Asda shopping (or in France, her courses a Auchan). But no! Amazingly I am actually going to be a girl who drives!I have already been out driving by myself. I can't even begin to tell you how hilarious I found this; just the fact that I could feel that empty space on the passenger seat next to me made me laugh out loud. Anyone who saw me would have thought I had escaped from the nut house because I had a huge grin and was guffawing and talking to myself as I drove through the village. I shook my head with disbelief a lot, this is so funny! I kept saying out loud to the car in general. Even after I thought I had gotten used to the empty car and I had calmed down, every so often I'd look at the sea...
More About: Jaguar , Driving

Nothing to See Here
2008-04-08 20:33:00
I'm sorry for the silence around here recently. I can't seem to write, I can't find the words to describe how I am feeling and I can't relax enough to let even the easiest of words flow.There are so many changes happening in my life right now. I can't quite fathom how the sick, hopeless, unemployed girl from four months ago is about to start a 9-5 job in a different country, living an adult life. This is what I really want, I've always wanted this, and when I was really sick, this was the dream that kept me pushing through. But it's all so very fast and it's just so odd.Bloody hell I'm sorry, I just can't write.I

Twenty Two
2008-04-02 02:11:00
It's my birthday today! I'm twenty-two.Twenty -two!I can't work out whether this is good because it's an even number, or bad because it's not twenty-one but I do know one thing for sure. Twenty-two is too close to twenty-five which is horribly close to thirty which is soon thirty-five which is then forty. So basically I only have 7304 days until I am considered middle aged.Best make the most of life now then! Yay, let's party!!!I

Meowing in a Higher Pitch
2008-04-01 01:30:00
Ollie lost his balls today.He came home from the vets with an insanely long wound travelling the length of his stomach, no balls and a cone around his neck. Normally a castration operation for your average tomcat is straightforward and leaves only a slight wound at the testicular area. But Ollie only had one ball, because the other was yet to drop (there was a brief period of time where I believed he had two balls; one covered in white fur, the other in black, which I thought kind of cool, but it turned out that he just had one super big testicle) and so the surgeon had to go searching in several places for the other. Luckily, after a good long search in his abdomen, then under some skin and then some other place, they found it and all was well.But it's so sad to see him walk around the house, bumping into walls and table legs and not being able to get into small spaces. I had to take the lid and door off of his kitty litter tray because when he tried to get through the door fl...
More About: Pitch , Higher , Crazy Cat Lady

Excuse Me Mister
2008-03-29 14:41:00
Tarty - a British word relating to, or suggestive of, a prostitute. (ie. Slutty)It had been a long day and the last thing I needed was to be sat in the back of a rusty black cab racing through the back streets of Glasgow making small talk with the driver. Nevertheless, that was where I found myself at 5pm on a Wednesday evening.It was hard to believe that I'd woken up that morning wrapped in the arms of my lover, in his cosy double bed in Paris. The day had started wonderfully for that very reason, but by the time I had arrived at Charles de Gaulle Airport I was disheveled and stressed out to the max (have you seen how freakin' huge that place is?!). I kissed FP on the lips and raced away through security to catch my flight to Glasgow. The last one to board the plane was, unsurprisingly, me. I squeezed myself into the seat between two strangers, one of which coughed and spluttered all over me, and switched on my ipod. Loud. At the other end I got lost. Despite having be...
More About: Excuse

At Last
2008-03-28 16:45:00
Did you notice the cyber tumbleweed on this blog? Silence! For an entire week! Well, if you were wondering, I was in Paris over Easter and have returned with lots of things I need to say - there are too many things I need to say - so let's try a list. (I love lists).Had a job interview in ParisGot the job!Spent the day in the office where I will work and made friends with French girls!Friends! With French girls! Mad!Am currently searching for an apartment in ...Versailles!Am going to live in sinwith...FP!Life is incredibleSo much to say, so little time, but rest assured normal blogging will resume very soon. Before I go, I'd like to just remind you that it's Friday so make sure you all have an alcoholic beverage this evening to celebrate the fact that often in life, if you persevere, after a month of cold, rainy, dreich Sundays, the sun will shine again. I
More About: France

Platinum Paws
2008-03-20 19:25:00
It's been quiet around here for the past week but I'm taking some time out of my hectic schedule (sarcasm) to plug the best business around;My best friend Zannie and her business partner have just opened up an amazing online pet boutique. Platinum Paws is the number one luxury online store for your furry friend and has some unique and stylish products ranging from designer fragrances for your pooch, fashion pet clothing, chic collars, leads and harnesses, cute toys, to the ultimate chaise longue that leaves no guesses as to who's 'top dog' in your house (ha ha, I made a joke!).Platinum Paws sells everything a loved pet could ever dream of (how cute is this!) and with the combo of great prices, great quality and unique, stylish pet products you can't go wrong! This has now become my all time favourite pet boutique and very soon Ollie is going to be the proud owner of some bling!So, if you are a pet owner - no matter what kind of furry friend you own - make your way over to Pl...
More About: Crazy Cat Lady

Mystery Solved
2008-03-14 02:02:00
I'd just like to say to all you readers who were losing sleep over this terribly mysterious appearance of one Patrick Bruel CD (and I know I wasn't the only one), that the mystery has now been solved.After a grueling 3 minutes of interrogation, complete with a light shone in the face and bad cop / good cop (I had to play both cops as no one else was around at the time and / or willing to play with me) my mother has cracked and admitted that the CD in question was indeed hers. "How did it get in my room?" I asked her, circling her chair like a shark homing in on its prey. "I put it there," she sighed. "I thought it was rubbish.""Aha!" I said, "so you were trying to fob it off on me?" She shrugged. "I thought you might like it."I returned to my chair opposite her and shook my head slowly. It had taken us a while but she had admitted it in the end. She would be let off lightly for that. I smirked. Sometimes my talents even surprised myself. I leaned back, stretched and th...
More About: Mystery

Eating my Words
2008-03-12 16:45:00
I am female. Therefore I dislike being wrong. I especially dislike being wrong when I have spent over an hour arguing that I?m correct and he?s lost his memory. It all began with one innocent email that I sent to my beloved this morning which read: ?I'm listening to my Patrick Brouel CD that you gave me! It gives me a lovely happy warm feeling and makes me want to be en france avec toi NOW!? Soon after, I noticed my inbox had a new email from FP. I opened it up and read the words: ?I never bought you a Patrick Bruel CD...it's Francis Cabrel!? I picked up the CD box beside me and read the name on the cover. No, it was definitely Patrick Bruel. FP was obviously getting confused. He had given me this CD because I fell in love with Bruel?s song ?Je t?aimais, je t?aime et je t?aimerais?. Feeling righteous I quickly emailed FP back. ?But you DID buy me a Patrick Bruel CD!!!!!!!! You did! I'm listening to him right now. You bought me it when you came here in Au...
More About: French , Words , Eating

Everybody Needs Nosy Neighbours
2008-03-09 13:55:00
Our street is situated in a quiet residential area filled with middle class families and surrounded by coos (that?s cows) in fields. Not much happens here. Which is why in the dead of night when one hears a ruckus out in the street we all get rather excited. I?ve just drifted off when my dreams are interrupted by the booming male voices arguing outside my window. Being the nosy cow that I am, I reach for my glasses, perch them on the end of my nose and bound towards the window. I peel back the blind and peek out. There, right in front of our garden stands a young man wearing ladies high heels and a tight t-shirt. He?s clearly drunk, swaying in his stilettos and wailing incoherently. A few metres away from him stands another man, clutching firmly onto a manbag, yowling like a caterwauling tomcat and pointing the finger at Stiletto Boy. Next thing I know, Stiletto Boy and Manbag Boy lunge at one another and my heart leaps in my chest as I realise there?s a fight in my s...
More About: Neighbours

Vide
2008-03-07 01:32:00
I miss you when I?m alone at night listening to the silence where your breathing should be I miss you when I brush my teeth and your toothbrush isn?t waiting ready for me to squeeze toothpaste on I miss you when I?m alone and I miss you when I?m not I miss you when I want to show you my scars are healing I miss you when I wake up in the morning and expect to see you next to me I miss you when I?m tired and want to cuddle up I miss you when I?m happy and I miss you when I?m sad I miss you when I?m here and you?re not I miss you when I?m here I miss you when I?m I miss you when I miss youI

Survivor
2008-03-04 01:55:00
It was Saturday night when I received the email. The heading read ?Do you remember??? and inside were photo attachments and a note from FP. When I opened the thumbnails I was surprised to see the brightly coloured photos of smiling people; photos I'd forgotten had even been taken when FP and I stayed with his parents last August. The pair of us curled up together in a multi-coloured hammock in the backyard, suspended from the apple tree and the fence, our eyes closed, our skin pink from a day in the sun. FP, his family and me dancing in his parent?s living room to Claude Francois, fingers pointing in the air and our cheeks rosy from the wine. Another photo shows a close up of FP and me at the table outside, I?m wrapped in his mother?s pashmina and the sky is darkening beyond us. I enlarged the photographs on my screen and I cried. Big fat tears rolled down my cheeks, burning my skin like acid. My shoulders shook with the heaving, sorrowful breaths I gasped. I?d forgot...
More About: Survivor

Big Pants
2008-02-29 16:13:00
I made an arse of myself. You won't be surprised to hear that I suppose. Every time I think about it I get waves of cringe pains. Cringe contractions. It's killing me! Really interrupting my day to day life. I can't stop thinking about it and every time the thought enters my head I have to say something random out loud like 'three holes in the cement' to avert my thoughts and to confuse my brain.I went to see my dermatologist in Edinburgh this past week and the last thing you expect at the dermatologist's is an up-the-frock examination, n'est ce pas? But apparently she just wanted to check my groinular area for 'lymph nodes' - whatever they are. So I lay down on the examination couch and prepared myself for some poking and prodding when Dr Dermatologist asked politely, 'may I lift your dress?'I nodded, yes. Only then did I remember what I'd hastily dressed myself in that morning. The jersey dress I'd slipped on is woolen and extremely clingy, so I decided to b...
More About: Pants

Just for the Laugh
2008-02-22 18:30:00
For those of you who didn't catch the latest Fuel My Blog Monday Madness in which I made a reappearance after a good few months of absence, here it is again; The Princesse Ecossaise does Monday Madness Video.Turn your volume up high and errr...enjoy...Apologies to T.D. Newton who I know is abstaining from all video forms of entertainment for Lent. I don't want to dangle temptation in your face but believe me when I say you're not missing much!I
More About: Laugh

What Shall We Do With The Drunken Princesse?
2008-02-17 18:31:00
Dodgy is a suitable word to describe the way I feel today. My entire body aches, my muscles hurt as if they?ve been subjected to an obscene amount of strenuous exercise and my stomach is having a bloody hard job holding onto the lukewarm tea I guzzled earlier in an attempt to re-hydrate myself. Zannie and I went out last night for dinner and a few drinks at Ashton Lane in the west end of Glasgow. When I say a few drinks I do of course mean two cocktails each (a ?Rainbow Kiss? and a ?Vanilla Skyy?, no ?Slippery Nipple?s for me, thanks) that had some type of frog spawn scum floating on the surface, two Kir Royales each and a bottle of wine with dinner between us. Now, that sounds like not much compared to the average young woman about town in this day and age but when you consider how un-used to alcohol my body is then you will see that I did pretty well, n?est ce pas? But yes, I do agree, I do deserve that hangover. The pub we went to ? aptly named ?Vodka Wodka? ? was ...

Happy Fat Naked Baby Day
2008-02-14 15:08:00
Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting a luvvy duvvy post today? I truly dislike Valentines Day. I know I?m a luvvy-duvvy romantic girl and I always write cheesy posts and file them under ?l?amour? - yes, I have an entire category reserved for love talk - but that?s on a normal day. February 14th brings out the beast in me.The way I see it is this; I don't need an official day to tell me to be romantic. I will be romantic when I bloody well want to be romantic, thank you very much. I don?t need coercing into being nice to my boyfriend and wearing lacy lingerie just because the date says so. And frankly I can't think of anything worse than sitting in the middle of a dimly lit restaurant surrounded by tables of loved up couples whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. Well I've got news for you, loved up couples; those words of endearment are nothing more than involuntary convulsions controlled by the Devil?s Spawn, Hallmark. Indeed, did you know that Saint ...
More About: Baby , Happy

Anyway
2008-02-10 22:12:00
It's not often that I am feeling so upbeat and positive. Normally you will find me wallowing in negativity, sitting alone in a damp corner somewhere staring into the bottom of a glass at the remains of my vodka and orange and sighing "It's just not faaaaair." But things have taken a super-duper positive turn in my life recently and although I can't write about it yet (in fear that I jinx it) I'm turning into a 'glass overfloweth' type of girl.To spread the glowing positivity and to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, I just wanted to share this beautiful and inspiring poem with you. It was written by Mother Theresa and is engraved on the wall of her children's home in Calcutta. It was recently read out at a writer's conference I attended and I doubt that there was one person in that conference hall who wasn't touched. Many of you may already know this poem as I am aware that it's well known but I'm quite sure you'll agree it is a piece of writing so awe-inspiring t...
More About: Geek , Writer