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Super Smash Bros. Project: The Sane Picks
2007-11-08 00:41:00
I don?t know how good this post will be? or rather, how funny it will be, which is pretty much the same thing when it comes to this. While Paul and Caleb picked characters like ?that scientist from Goldeneye? and ?the airplane at the beginning of Sonic 3? and ?random Star Wars character no one but nerds know about (yes, I?m calling myself a nerd)?, I went with the rational choices and now feel boring. It really says a lot when I?m the sane one in a group, but without further ado, my choices for characters that should be in Super Smash Bros. Brawl (but won?t be)? 1. Conker Okay, come on? You know you want him in here, along with all the other Rare characters that aren?t in the game because Rare made the worst business decision in video game history and jumped ship to XBOX. You know the ones I?m talking about? Banjo and Kazooie, and um? the chick from Perfect Dark? Anyway, Conker is a squirrel who runs around making raunchy jokes, pissing on things and killing the shit out of ...
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A Sports Update
2007-11-07 04:20:00
I'm moving my sports related articles away from BSD and over to Kudronia... perhaps I should start calling it by it's real name, Genuinely Sarcastic. But, I'm sure this will result in Kudron and I coming to blows, but it's a better fit for my sports ramblings than BSD is. It just didn't fit in our aesthetic of random crazy things... it was too mainstream. I assume I'll be writing about sports again in this space, but it will be much more about waxing nostalgic than any actual news articles. Except pieces like "Opening Day" than reports on specific games.As always, Caleb and I really appreciate all those of you who have come here over the past months and hope that you'll enjoy what comes next.Yours,Matt
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Happy Guy Fawkes Day
2007-11-05 23:39:00
Okay, first off, I really hate usurping Caleb's day of posting, but I had to... So, skip this and go read Caleb's post which is right below this one. Do it, now.Back?Alright... It's Guy Fawkes Day, a day that commerates the attempt by a group of Catholics to blow up Parliament while all the politicians and King was there, or it commerates the foiling of the plot... I can never remember. Who cares?Anyhow, it's an awesome day. Go watch V for Vendetta or something.I want that hat"Remember, remember the Fifth of November,The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,I know of no reasonWhy Gunpowder TreasonShould ever be forgot.Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intentTo blow up King and Parliament.Three-score barrels of powder belowTo prove old England's overthrow;By God's providence he was catch'dWith a dark lantern and burning match.Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!"
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The Super Smash Bros. Project
2007-11-05 23:00:00
With the advent of Super Smash Brothers Brawl close approaching we here at BSD decided to team up with CWTB, E and make a few bids for characters which felt should be featured in the game. Here are my three picks for Super Smash Brothers Brawl, if I had it my way:1. Prince / The Artist formerly know as Prince:As a response to the over abundance of Zelda characters in the Smash Bros. lineup (Link, young Link, Sheik, Zelda, Ganondorf, and Pit [who although not a Zelda character is essentially Link with wings]) Prince and The Artist formerly know as Prince are the perfect adversaries. A more magical and imaginary pair of fighters cannot be found. I know what you are thinking, “But BSD, Prince and The Artist aren’t in any video games?” This is true, but they should be. If Aerosmith can be in Revolution X, at least one incarnation of Prince should have a game. Super Smash Attack: Purple Rain, ability to change sex and name, and blasts of ecstasy from the Symbol of Love Guitar...
More About: Project , Super Smash Bros , The Super

Henne to Manningham
2007-11-05 00:01:00
I?m sitting on the edge of the couch, watching, waiting for the kickoff. Michigan down by ten to the Spartans. My mind is reeling, trying not to think about what had happened to bring us here, trying to suppress that tightening in my gut. I try not to think about how well they had played coming out of the tunnel and how atrociously things had gone since the end of the first quarter, not to think about the first or eighth of September, not to wonder how hurt Hart really is. The game returns from commercial after the State extra point and I lean forward, my elbows on my knees, my hands clutching the sides of my face just in case the unthinkable happens and I need to jam my palms against my eye sockets. My right leg is bouncing up and down frantically, I don?t even notice until the girl next to me tells me that I?m shaking the entire couch. I laugh slightly, and mutter, ?Sorry. I?m nervous.? I settle my leg down, it requires a conscious effort of will to keep it still. And...

Profiles in Courage: Paul Arrand Rodgers
2007-11-03 17:20:00
If you frequent this blog at all, you know about Paul , the mighty slayer of infidels. He's the purveyor of the chaotic mass of articles, youtube clips and lolbots that are not actually robots that he calls Careful With that Blog, Eugene. The man now has five blogs... I think, that's Caleb's count and I haven't really been able to verify that. For all I know, he has more. Obviously being inside enemy territory for so long has scrambled his brain and messed up his inhibition unit. We at BSD, think this multiple blog policy is atrocious, mostly because it forces me to click on multiple links... and besides, there is no navigation from one blog the next on CWTB, E (the comma in the acronym was Paul's idea). How the hell am I supposed to read all this stuff? While my motives might be selfish... he must be stopped! Seriously...Five blogs?! This has to be some sort of plot to wreak psychological havoc against all who oppose him. Frankly, we here at BSD are just glad we're ...
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Go Go Space Racer
2007-11-01 16:08:00
Lunar Rover is a cool name for a car. I?d drive one. Not because it is especially cool. In fact, I imagine driving the lunar rover is a lot like building a soapbox racer with an Erector Set and old tire swings while trying to look cool in a Michelin Man outfit, be bad ass enough to be a scientist and an pilot, and all the while hoping not to float off into a great black oblivion that there is no doubt would kill you in a long, lonely, cold way.Lunar Rover just sounds so poetic and haunting though. Lunar Rover is the kind of car a dark Druid wizard would drive. If hobbits built cars they?d build Lunar Rovers. Hobbiton:The Lunar Rover, built Bag End tough.The Lunar Rover story must go something like this:?What are we going to do on the moon guys???I don?t know, wander around a bit I guess. Rove it.??You mean we?re going to be the first space ramblers???Yeah, and we can ramble around in our moon car. Our rover.??Our Moon Rover? Yeah. I ca...
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Crappy Halloween Costumes
2007-11-01 03:20:00
Since today is Halloween , I decided that I would give a little advice, and generally be an asshole on the topic of Halloween costumes. None of these rules apply for little kids, let them be whatever the fuck they want, but for anyone going to Halloween parties (admission is usually cheaper with a costume) here are some costumes to not wear. I also realize that it's way too late to change your costume, but maybe if you picked any of these, you should just stay home.The Ghost:Come on... it's a friggin' bed sheet. Did you just pull it off your little bunk there? There aren't even any eye holes on the thing. This is good for scaring your roommate after he comes home at four am from a drinking binge, but not as a costume. How lazy are you? If you're going the lazy route, really go with it... wear an OSU shirt and say you're going as a retard or an asshole or something.Disclaimer: Wearing a bed sheet with a bunch of random holes cut in it does not count as lame.Poor Charlie B...
More About: Costumes , Allo

Happy Halloween
2007-10-31 20:49:00
Please expect a string of Halloween posts in the near future. I can make this promise because last Saturday night I was lucky enough to see The Creature From the Black Lagoon (in 3d). In order to even more so reassure this fact, Matt and Wynston were both there, and I could never ask for better muses of absurdity. Tonight, however, I will celebrate Halloween in my own way by reading Ray Bradbury?s classic short story The Homecoming. It is amazing. I shit you not. This book smells like pumpkins, tastes like taffy, and from the first bite you can feel the razor blade in it. I'll also be listening to The Misfits. I recommend this exercise to anyone out there who feels to old to trick or treat, or just too far away from home for anything to feel right. Halloween isn't like your birthday, it isn't depressing if you don;t do anything on Halloween, but it should be. Halloween is about getting into trouble, about stirring it up and bubbling over, and if there is any bit of littl...
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Worthless and Discarded Mascots: Alex Kidd
2007-10-30 20:21:00
Nothing says "stuffed shirts trying to act cool" like the name Alex Kidd . But, he's not even a failed attempt at being cool. The California Raisins or Alf or Poochie, the rapping dog from The Itchy and Scratchy show were supposed to be cool, not Alex. Look at Poochie... his baseball cap backwards, sunglasses on, flashing some sort of gang signs while driving in his convertible. That's trying too hard to be cool... No... Alex was... well... just look at the little sucker.What is he even supposed to be? An Elf? A rat? Some sort of space monkey? And look at those sideburns... They're hanging down past his chin, that's pretty darn impressive, actually. This thing was supposed to be Sega's mascot before Sonic the Hedgehog. Really makes you wonder why they decided to come up with a new one, doesn't it? I have no idea if any of the games he was in are any good, or if they were any good at the time, but I don't want to find out... Look at the guy. He's just begging for a...
More About: Mascots , Wort

Michigan vs. Minnesota
2007-10-28 17:28:00
Blegh...I'm not quite sure what else I really have to say about yesterday's Michigan game. The 34-10 score does not indicate how awfully they played awfully in the first half, but after the beginning of the season, I'm not going to complain. A win is a win.Minnesota carved up the Michigan defense in the first half with that halfback hand-off from the shotgun, the back running between the center and guard. I think it's a zone read of some kind, but correct me if I'm wrong. They ran it all day long.Things got better in the second as the weather got colder. Mallett threw some nice long passes, but also made a couple really awful ones, a particularly bad screen pass to his receiver's feet comes to mind. Both Manningham and Arrington came up with some amazing circus catches that make me wish I had remembered to record the game.Lastly, both Minor and Brown were sick. I'm not sure how much of it was a product of the atrocious Minnesota defense, but Minor rushed the ball 21 ti...

Star Date 10092107
2007-10-27 07:14:00
Deanna Troi had an encounter with an unknown creature of apparently ragingly drunken and homoerotic origin on the recreation deck. Counselor Troi?s comments on the sexual assault: ?Ew. It was?Ew. No, just ew. I feel dirty. She made me feel dirty. Very dirty. Grossed out. Seriously, I?m scared. Hold me?please.?So far there have been no more developments in this unsettling encounter. Riker suspects the onslaught of more lesbian attacks any day now. Or, maybe a period. Either way, it doesn?t look good for the crew.A further investigation is pending Star fleet approval.Captain C.M. Lalinsky, NCC-1701-FU

I Hate Ohio
2007-10-22 23:29:00
Look, I make it no secret how much I hate Ohio and everything related to even distantly to the state. I'm not sorry if this offends anyone, but they're obviously some sort of Ohioan or Ohio sympathizer and don't care what they think. I understand that this excludes about 11 million people from liking the blog, but I don't care about that either. Besides, I still have Paul in Cincinnati reading. So without further ado... Schadenfreude...The Cleveland Indians lost to the Red Sox in game seven of the ALCS last night 11-2 after getting blown out the game before 12-2. I'm not sure how that even happens, but I can't help be feel wonderful about it.Sure, I'm bitter because the Tigers didn't make the playoffs, but fuck it all. The Indians lost!Look how depressed they look, isn't it wonderful?Disclaimer: Image taken from The Boston Globe.
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Champaign
2007-10-22 23:02:00
I was gone on Saturday to Stratford, ON, so I missed the Michigan game. However, I managed to avoid hearing about the game (thanks to the fact that I was in Canada, I suppose) and I watched it last night at eight. I'm not sure whether it was the fact that I fast forwarded through all the commercials and pretty much all of the commentary between plays or it was just an exciting game, but it was exhilarating. I was nervous, but it was just a fun game to watch.I don't have much time to write about the game or do any research because I have to read Measure for Measure, finish German classwork and finish writing an essay on The Canterbury Tales, but I do have some impressions.- It was a great game, pure and simple and one of the most fun to watch all year.-I thought that Michigan really opened up the offense on Saturday night, something I've wanted them to do all year. The end around to Arrington, who passed it to a wide open Manningham in the end zone was the sort of thing I'd ...
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Father and Son
2007-10-19 04:04:00
It?s a dreadful day when you finally realize that your father is human, that the pillar of strength and discipline, that paragon of everything safe and good in the world is just as scared as you are, when you realize that he is just as flawed as us all. It?s a terrible moment when you finally beat him at one-on-one and you know by the look in his eyes and the sweat dripping from his brow as you sink that last jump shot that this time he didn?t let you win. It suddenly hits you that you are too fast, too strong, too skilled, too young (and maybe not young enough). And maybe there is a triumph in that moment, a gloating, but that grin soon falls from your face. You know that the days of throwing a Nerf football in the front yard are gone, the days when a tackle meant being picked up in a giant bear hug. You can see it all in his eyes and the heaving of his chest, that strange mixture of pride and defeat that must come when your progeny eclipse you. It?s a horrible feelin...
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Crhmit 3pio
2007-10-17 22:27:00
Hes in ur bahtrum having ur gai sehxNo ways meh 2.lolcmlalinsky, lol kthxbia

Basketball on Grass
2007-10-14 19:21:00
Our MessiahI didn?t go to the Homecoming game yesterday vs. Purdue because I have some sort of cold (complete with fever, coughing and copious amounts of snot draining down my throat), but it allowed me the opportunity to sit smack dab in front of my TV and thanks to the power of DVR watch every play in pretty good detail. I just fast forwarded through all the commercials and time between plays and focused on the action. This had the added bonus of my not really having to listen to the Big Ten Network commentators. I?m going to make a few quick observations before moving on to my main point: - Michigan played well yesterday, offensively and defensively. - While Michigan only got two sacks, the line seemed to contain Painter pretty well and actually closed the pocket on him. - Henne was 21-28 for 268 yards and 2 touchdowns? just incredible. - Hart had 21 carries for 102 yards and 2 touchdowns? in the first half. I?m starting to really get excited about the Heisman, he j...
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Wilford "Eggman" Brimley
2007-10-14 05:01:00
I honestly don't know what to say about this picture... according to Wikipedia, this was concept art for the infamous Dr. Robotnik. Seriously, just look at the fucker... he's a friggin' beaver in pink polka dots and hypno glasses. And is that a cat pillow? I thought Sega was supposed to be cool. Anyhow... here is Paul's take:"He just wants some goddamn sleep. Sonic needs to stop eatin' chili dogs and listenin' to rap music." - Paul A. RodgersOh, and he friggin' looks like Wilford Brimley."KONG... EATS... OATS!!!"
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Comp Musings
2007-10-08 16:25:00
It?s been a while, and I guess I could apologize, but I?m not sure I want to. I?m not even sure what is with all the Oedipal references lately. With the semester under way and things settling down, I hope I will get a chance to write more. Sitting here in Comp osition, I decided that it would be a good idea to write something, considering that I?m not paying any attention to my professor. It?s not slacking off too badly, because I am composing? and my prof just told the class, ?sharpen your diction?, so let see how that works. Besides, I find it hard to listen to a Comp professor who says ?libarry?. So, apparently they finally found the Northwest Passage, and Canada is getting militaristic about it. Good for them. It?s nice to see them take a stand on something other than hockey or how much they hate Quebec. Speaking of which, I really wish Quebec would secede. I really think we need another country in North America to make things interesting. I sat in the bo...
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Read a Book
2007-10-02 05:26:00
Dear Michigan congress,in light of last night and your gallant efforts of map making, color coding, and climate control I turn to you and ask, on behalf of all academia and intellectual pursuits of the utmost and highest orders, what is the face of our future?It is the words of great men and women that move this world and will alter the course and frame of all things to come. I'm sure you, just as I, go to sleep each night and wake each morning with some steadfast words of reason of a voice of our time resonating in your inner thoughts. It is in this spirit of shared meditation that I turn myself to the great words not of a president, poet, or philosopher but of a Pop Star. Whitney Houston taught us to believe in something great:"I believe the children are our are future Teach them well and let them lead the way,"..and dear god, read a book...-Cmlalinsky, Oedipus Tyrannosaurus
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Greatest Movie Ever!
2007-09-21 23:52:00
This is just incredible... the potato/broccoli duel... the dance scene that should have had Max Rebo in it... the sex scene... the tomato suicide?! Simply amazing, utterly hilarious and horrifying at the same time. Sophocles would be proud...
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Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame
2007-09-17 23:19:00
Maybe I'm odd, but after a good Notre Dame drubbing, I like to go around humming the Notre Dame fight song. I only know the first two lines, but everyone knows the tune, right? It's probably because I'm such a smug bastard, but it really lifts my spirits to know that we defeated the Fighting Irish for another year. I know I have a long list of sports enemies, but Notre Dame is at the top of it... I hate them with everything that I have. I at least can understand why some people might be Ohio State fans if they live in Columbus, or Yankees fans if they live in New York, but Notre Dame fans? It's not like anyone actually lives in Indiana... I've been there, I know (more on that soon). And if you do happen to live in Indiana for some odd reason, you should root for Indiana or Purdue or someone like that... even Utah.Moving on to the real reason for this post... we won. Michigan finally got a victory, and did it with conviction. Throughout the day I kept hearing "Is Michiga...
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Blank, redux
2007-09-14 00:39:00
The old anecdote goes that when the upstart Continental Army defeated the British at Yorktown, Cornwallis refused to meet Washington after the battle and sent an aide to present his saber to his American counterpart. It is said that the British band started playing ?The World Turned Upside Down?, a song that I have never heard, and perhaps never will, but I can still somehow sing in my head right now. I have never sympathized with Cornwallis, not until now? I feel like nothing makes sense anymore, a issue that is only further emphasized by the fact that the Lions actually didn?t completely choke this game away, that a last minute fumble actually went their way. Michigan is winless and the Detroit Lions are undefeated? I?m not sure I can explain any further. In 2003, I was in High School and my dad was cooking duck on a September day that was supposed to be a good joke, a little arrogant celebration after Michigan defeated Oregon. The duck was still good, but it was tasted bi...
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A Serious Moment...
2007-09-07 20:47:00
There?s something really magical about sitting around at two in the morning the night before a big test, in your underwear, slamming down milanos, pounding the keys and rocking out to sympathy for the devil. It?s a wild a feeling when you?ve left the windows open and there?s a shiver rising up you, straight from your belly and jittering legs. "Please to met you, hope you guessed my name."Singing in the shower is all right, but sometimes I like to dance too. I know it isn?t a good idea, because I could slip and fall, but I don?t mind, I do it anyways.I don?t especially like Tricks cereal. Also it turns your poop green. Superman ice cream has the same effect, but I can?t help but eat it for the sake of childhood nostalgia. And it makes me feel little less like Clark Kent. When I hear tornado sirens it makes me wish I was having sex with a beautiful and caring woman. Someone I really loved. That way, if we died at least we?d be happy. At least I know I would. Also, I would h...
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BLANK
2007-09-02 17:39:00
I had planned on writing a preview for Michigan when I came home on Tuesday. I had planned a bombastic ramble about the virtues and greatness of the Wolverines, of how their glories would be unsurpassed this year, how they would sweep through the teams they played, vanquish Ohio State and I would be on that field at The Big House with the players and my fellow students, running and laughing and without a doubt happier than I have been in my entire life. Now? now I?m just empty. I feel like a shell of my former self. I cannot even bring myself to type the words that are required to explain what happened. I guess I?ll just post a few links later? it?ll be less painful that way. Besides, I didn?t even see the game, I say helpless and watched the scoreboard online, sat and stared in shocked, unbelieving horror at those numbers. Those impossible, unfathomable numbers. And as I watched, a knot formed in my gut, no not in my gut, of my gut? and I watched as my one last hope o...
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The Gauntlet
2007-08-30 02:44:00
Remember when video games were hard? Yeah me too. People complain about video games now, but there is nothing bad that can be said about any game that you didn?t have to pound on just to get it to play. The hardware error that companies like Nintendo, Sega, and Atari built into there cartridge platforms bread a whole generation of wife beating children who, even before you could kill whores and steal cars in Liberty City, were reverting to violence to solve their problems. I pounded on Donkey Kong harder than Mario did to Princess Peach, or King Kong did to Fay Wray.Looking back it occurs to me now that besides being harder to start these games were also harder to play than anything on the market today. The controls for some of the classic and super Nintendo games are alright, but that?s easy when all you do is run and jump. But in the original Donkey Kong even athletic great Mario jumped like a ballet dancer on acid. Once you get to Jurassic Park on the Genesis, the one plac...
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Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes: A short piece on fear
2007-08-24 04:46:00
Some of the scariest things in life aren?t phobias but necessities. When people grow up they put better names to things, but when we?re young we don?t have sociophobia, agoraphobia, and necrophobia, you?re just scared, of things like strangers, being alone, and bogeymen. I do not know about you, but most of my greatest fears in life are those same things I was afraid of when I was just a little kid. But I?m not talking about losing a toy or a person or yourself, I?m talking about that feeling you got every Halloween that?d cause you to bring your legs up close to your body in bed just in case a madman tried to chop off your legs. Before I even knew what a madman was, what was really mad, what Friday the thirteenth meant or why white vans were terrifying I knew I was scared of all of them, with no little help from my older brother. For years I slept in the center of my bed, clutching a heavy flashlight (and in later years a police baton), my arms folded over my chest like some a...
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NORAD of Camelot
2007-08-15 22:46:00
I'm not really sure if anyone understands human relationships, or how they even can. I know that I don't, and I'd bet the farm that I never will. I'm pretty sure that it takes truly understanding the other person to have that sort of connection, and who even understands themselves that well? How is it even possible? It's getting to the point where I'm beginning to think that human social interactions are just too complex for our species' intelligence. I have never met any two humans that have a relationship that can be said to be easy that truly care for one another. That can't be said about dogs or rabbits or pigmy marmosets, can it? Do dolphins passive-aggressively torture one another? Do they get into fights for no reason? Do they play mind games with one another and obsess over every little thing until they go insane? No, they fight or play or ignore one another, or whatever else, but they don't really have so many problems. I'm not saying they aren't compl...
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Triumphant Returns
2007-08-11 18:56:00
Well, I am home... and my fantasy baseball team is in shambles. I'm out of first place for the first time since Harding was in office thanks to some Toronto team. It's pretty fishy that I should be in Canada while Toronto overtakes me for the lead. I'm going to be looking into this.Some stuff happened while I was away, but as Kudron put it, "nothing happened while you were gone", so I'm not going to mention any of it. I should start posting again, but I make no promises.
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Cats and Dogs
2007-08-03 22:01:00
I'm not really sure how to say this. It's hard to even think about, to tell you all the truth, but I suppose it is my duty to my readers to come clean on all manner of distasteful things. So... here it is: Caleb is now a Spartan. He will be attending Michigan State University this fall. Why? I have no idea. Having an enemy in my midsts is not comforting, but as the old axiom goes, keep your friends close, but... But he's a Spartan and I'm just going to have to live with sharing this blog with one of their kind, I suppose. I don't like it, but accommodations must be made and I will soldier on. Besides, he's already showing his Spartan work-ethic by never posting. You'd think that they would have taken there name from something lazier than a Spartan... made they should be The Michigan State Bureaucrats or something...Anyhow, I'm honestly happy for Caleb. I just hope he enjoys his time there, and besides, now I get to be nastier to MSU once football season starts.In o...
More About: Dogs , Cats , Cats and Dogs