The Bell Pages Blog The Bell Pages Blog I am step-mom to two boys, mom to two more, a wife, as well as dog, cat and goldfish owner. Should the growing laundry pile in the basement spark a life of it's own, I'll probably have to feed it too. So join me as I cook supper, mop the floor, put a Articles
Tom "Nutcake" Cruise Strikes Again
2008-01-17 20:57:00 Surely you have seen this. The new video going around featuring Tom "Nutcake" Cruise expounding upon the greatness of the Church Cult of Scientology. It was removed from You Tube no doubt due to threats of litigation from the Scientologists. How interesting that they would want to remove a recruiting video starring their pet celebrity.After watching it, I now have all new problems with Nutcake Tom and his church. *If Scientologists the only ones that can really help at an accident . . . WHY doesn't Tom come into the ER with the EMTs?*If Scientologists are the "authority" on drug rehabilitation . . . WHY am I still getting puked on by junkies at work?*If Scientologists are the "authority" on the mind . . . WHY are there still crazy folks screaming on street corners?*If they are the "authority" on improving conditions . . . hasn't anyone informed them of the conditions in Africa?*If they are the "authority on rehabilitation of criminals . . . WHY did some rat bastard break into m... More About: Crazy People
A Post About Nothing
2008-01-16 18:43:00 Well we should all be happy that this is a blog, and not a podcast, as it would sound like this:(deafening silence)After a week of lovely bronchitis, I have no voice. The children are finding this particularly funny.Anyway. I began the spring semester of school today after a ridiculously long winter break. I'm hoping this semester will be a breeze, because I simply don't have the energy for a lot. I'm only taking 12 hours this semester, perhaps that will help.That's about it. In the interest of providing you with the best in entertainment however, I present to you the following link. May it entertain you as it has me. More About: Post
In Which Today's Hilarious Witty Post Has Been Forgotten
2008-01-10 21:06:00 I just got home from the grocery store with Monkey. I always get him out first, and then grab the groceries as he toddles to the house in search of Blue's Clues and whatever snack I've bought for him.Today however, as I was reaching for the bag in the front seat, I realize he isn't on the sidewalk. At the same time I become aware of a truck coming down the street I am parked on. Monkey is between my SUV & Mr. Honeybell's van. I drop the groceries, begin screaming MONKEY! NO!! and rush to the space between the cars. I arrive just as the truck passes, and where Monkey has stopped his trek into the street. He stopped. Thank you Lord, He STOPPED.I will now lay him down for his nap, and retire to the living room to have a quiet breakdown. With a LARGE vodka. More About: Hilarious , Post , Witty , Forgotten
Tales From the Neighborhood
2008-01-09 19:39:00 So we have these neighbors. (No, not these neighbors these are all new neighbors) Let's say they are a little strange. They're a couple in their 60's, very loud, and appear to use the same black hair dye. The street is privy to every private conversation they have, because apparently these people have no volume control. Mr. Loud sometimes wears women's blouses. Which he wears while he sits in his yard. On occasion he rakes his yard. By hand. The have a dog whose name is Dixie. I know this because at any given moment you can hear Mrs. Loud screaming at the top of her lungs: "DixieDixieDixieDixieDixieDixieDixieDixie DixieDixie!!! Get your ass over here!!"Obnoxious isn't it? You should hear it in person. You see Dixie used to jump their fence and run rampant through the neighborhood. They corrected this problem by taking down the fence. See? All fixed. Skip all that ridiculous jumping and get right to the running rampant. One day to my horror I discovered Sporty B... More About: Tales , Neighborhood
7:40 AM
2008-01-08 15:21:00 The high pitched wailing began early at the Honeybell House. So early in fact, I wasn't entirely sure it wasn't me making that noise. Finally Sporty quietly entered the bedroom "Honeybell, Goofy says he's not going to school. He says he got up too early, he can't find socks, and he's not used to school now. Oh yeah, and Monkey's crying too." Great. First day back to school after Christmas vacation.I quietly enter Monkey's room. There he is, all smiles now: "Oh HI! How're Yoouu? Paci-is?" Paci is lying on the floor next to the crib. I blearily shove it back in his mouth and lay him back down. Too freakin' early kid. We have engineered him to sleep until 10:00 at least, we are night shift workers, after all.Next up for pacification: Goofy Boy. I know he will not be as easy to deal with. I can hear the screaming already. I find him screaming and crying in his room wearing a hoodie, Spiderman boxer briefs, one sock, and are his glasses upside down??? "Honey! ...
Myspace Does Have Value
2008-01-07 18:01:00 I have sometimes questioned the value of having a Myspace . I've been hacked, get requests from complete strangers whose feelings are hurt when I ask who they are, not to mention all the added spam. Recently however two very nice things have happened to me due to my Myspace. Firstly, I found a very dear friend from years ago. I used to babysit her two year old daughter, who was an absolute doll. Now my friend AND her daughter (now 13, I am SO old!) are my new Myspace friends . . . so that's great.The second fabulous thing to occur was my discovery of Australian singer Dave Jacobs. After seeing me on Jack Johnson's site, Dave sent me a message to come check out his music. Normally I just delete bands I don't know asking for my love and adoration. But, um, he looks like this:Yeah. I'm not deleting that. So I go visit Mr. Sexy Eyes, and guess what? I adore his music. Laid back surfer dude acoustical. Plus, as always, he looks like this (this never gets old):And this:S...
Diagnoses Free For The Taking
2008-01-04 20:03:00 On the off chance you've been under a rock for the last several hours, this is the base of this post. Now personally, I would rather drive a nail into my left ear than listen to Britney Spears' music. However I am mysteriously drawn to her crazy behavior. As a slightly crazed person myself, I fail to understand how someone can be walking around obviously exhibiting signs of depression and/or bi-polar disorder and choose not to treat it. Especially when that person has children to care for and remains under public scrutiny 24/7.I know the adage "crazy people don't know they're crazy". I agree this may be the case for serious debilitating psychological disorders, such as schizophrenia. However most folks, like myself, who suffer from depression, bi-polar, etc., KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG.Granted, I'm no Tom Cruise. However I would think that as someone with the numerous resources a celebrity has at their fingertips, this girl would use those resources and stop being such... More About: Free , Taking
Random Photos!
2008-01-03 18:23:00 These are the results of playing with my new camera. I LOVE IT!!************************************* *********"Dimple Kissing" is a frequent activity at the Honeybell House.Monkey Boy looking exactly like his father.This is my favorite Christmas ornament. It hung on my parent's tree for as long as I can remember. I remember staring at it as a child thinking it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The year I moved out on my own, I remember asking my mother "Is there any way I could have the angel ornament? The one with the cotton cloud behind her?". My mother gave me a strange look and said "Please, get that ugly thing out of my house. That's the tackiest piece of Christmas trash ever".Ha! So now it's MINE! ALL MINE! View of our Christmas tree. Currently the coffee table stands empty while I think of something new to put in it.Phone Boy studiously applying his Guitar Hero skillzHow to scare the crap out of your two year old:Eyeing it suspiciously, this is as clos... More About: Photos , Random
Why Sporty Picks My Nursing Home
2008-01-02 18:58:00 The boys got the board game "Clue" for Christmas. This one has always been one of my favorites, and was all about it when Sporty and Goofy broke it out yesterday. The rules had been explained, characters chosen (I am always Miss Scarlet), and we were in mid-game. Goofy was gleefully examining each weapon, determining exactly how one might commit a murder with a lead pipe. One of his suggestions was lead poisoning, but he was working out exactly how one would convince Mr. Boddy to eat the lead pipe.Suddenly I notice Sporty Boy had fallen silent and was looking contemplative. "Sporty, you ok?" He gave me a look of such sorrow . . . . "I don't want to play this anymore! This isn't a nice game, we're talking about MURDER here . . . . I don't want any of these people to have killed anyone! I don't want any of these people to die! People dying isn't fun!""Sweetie, no one actually dies, it's a made up story. The fun part isn't the people dying, it's playing detective to d... More About: Home , Nursing Home , Nursing
Gratitude For The New Year
2007-12-31 21:02:00 You know, I've found that those who suffer from chronic depression are generally funny people. The hard part is finding that fine line between "Don't talk to me about not being dressed for four days while lying on the couch or I'll focus my last bit of energy on ripping off your face", and "Leaping out of bed to greet the day because I'm Little Mary Fucking Sunshine on Prozac". Lately it has been much more the former, hardly any of the latter. I'm not feeling particularly funny. It would help if I got my Prozac filled.While that plan is put into action, I am also going to post my last Gratitude post of the month. Maybe it will help kick my brain in the ass and remind myself that life is actually quite ok. I have faith in my serotonin receptors to occasionally straighten up and act right all on their own. Thank you to Piper at Bliss in Bloom for my month of Gratitude inspiration, she is amazing.Looking back over this year I cannot express enough gratitude for this family ... More About: New Year , Year
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
2007-12-28 17:19:00 So today I found a nifty little widget on BlogCatalog that gives a list of links to your communities (scroll down, it's on the left). I was amazed at all the stuff I belong to. (I wish they included Cre8buzz!!!) What made me pause though, were all of the numerous "friends" I have accumulated over the internet. The only community I'm really discriminatory about is the myspace. All of my "friends" there are people I actually know and talk to, bloggers I read, or bands I like. However as far as Blog Catalog, Bumpzee, My Blog Log, etc., I haven't a clue who most of those people are. If I do know them we connected there after the fact. I am sorely tempted to delete those "friends" I don't know, and whose blogs I will probably never read. Especially when the majority of those friends are blogging about how to make more money with my blog (Yes! Please help me make double on the NOTHING I'm making now!! Mamma needs a new pack of gum!!)I currently have TONS of blogs in my rea... More About: Hard , Breaking , Breakin
Happy Birthday Dad
2007-12-27 16:50:00 Today is a guest post of sorts. A few years ago I asked my mother to write something up for my private family website. I wanted a memorial page for Dad. She wrote the following, and since then the site has now become a memorial for both Dad and Mom. Anyway . . . Happy Birthday to my Dad today.~~~~~~~It was a cold and windy morning, two days passed Christmas in 1935 in Northeast Kansas, when Melvin Douglas entered this world with a roar. We didn?t hear that roar but we know it to be true because he did everything with a loud and persistent roar. Melvin was the firstborn child of Melvin and Ruth. Melvin Junior was a lot of name for such a little guy so he became known as ?Junie? to friends and family for the rest of his life. Melvin was big brother to two sisters, Roberta and Barbara, both of whom survive him.Melvin grew up attending various farm community schools in Kansas graduating from High School in 1954. Following graduation he went to work full time at the local grain p... More About: Happy Birthday , Guest
A Very Honeybell Christmas
2007-12-26 21:42:00 Our Christmas Eve began spectacularly with Phone Boy getting his ass kicked by cousin Krista. Whenever Krista is around . . . someone is getting an ass kicking. (Love that girl!)How sweet, he's using his little brother as a human shield.Our Motley CrewMonkey gets help from Aunt Cheryl . . . Oh Look! It's Grizzly Adams! Oops, never mind, that's my brother!Just a little excited about ChristmasOk, perhaps not EVERYONECookies and eggnog for Santa. Santa prefers Captain Morgan in his eggnog . . . lots and lots of Captain MorganJust cute"Twas the night before Christmas . . . "On Christmas Day, Mr. Honeybell, my most favorie-ist husband in the whole wide world, got me a new BAD-ASS camera. You didn't know cameras could be bad-ass?? Well when you've reached 36, have four kids in the house, it's amazing the things that become bad-ass. When I was 26 it would have been Milano Blahniks. Now however, the camera rules over the shoes any day. Here are just a few of the shots I got ...
Honeybell's Great Day
2007-12-21 16:35:00 So I have some Christmas shopping do. I get the boys to school, run home (yes, I take them to school in my PJ's) to get dressed, and I'm on my way. I need to drive some distance to get to the good shopping so I was hurrying along so I could get back in time to get the boys from school.It had warmed up considerably, and was a beautiful day. I didn't even need a coat! I went to TJ Max (LOVE TJ MAX) to pick up some clothes for the boys. The weather must have been influencing everyone! Everywhere I turned, folks were smiling at me and saying hello. Even the overworked retail clerks were in a good mood I guess, and extremely helpful. I headed over to Chipotle Grill for lunch (LOVE THEIR BURRITOS) and was almost immediately engaged in conversation with a couple of teenage boys. They were very cheerful, and made my solitary lunch fly by. What beautiful smiles they had! After lunch I needed to stop at Target for some last minute stuff. Again, the patrons and employees must ha... More About: Great
Sporty Is The King of Smart Alecks
2007-12-20 16:21:00 I had bags upon bags of clothing to donate to Planet Aid. They have the big yellow boxes for clothes all over town. Sporty and I load some up, and we are on our way.Now Sporty Boy has an amazing sense of wit for a nine year old kid. He's a total smartass just like the rest of us, and his grasp of macabre humor never fails to surprise me. The running joke on the way there was that we were helping the naked people of the world. So I hop out of the car to put the clothes in the box, and just as I'm returning to the car he pretends to lock me out. Yeah. Funny kid.Anyway, he asks "what would you have done if I'd really locked you out?". He's grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "I would have stuck you in the box too!" *gasp* "But Honeybell! I don't want be around naked people! Plus I'd smell weird!!""Sporty, why on earth would you smell weird?" I asked. "Well, they're poor, they probably don't take baths!" Oh great. Good to know we're raising unbiased children. "Th... More About: The King , Smart , King
Rockin' the Cre8buzz Vote!
2007-12-19 16:35:00 I've mentioned Cre8buzz before. I think it is truly the BEST social networking site on the web. Cre8buzz is up for an award. I WANT THEM TO WIN. If you want to join, let me know, I have dozens of invites. In any case, got vote for Cre8buzz by clicking on the button below. There is no registration, just select cre8buzz and click. That's it.Right now we are losing to CafeMom. Now really . . . have you ever been to CafeMom? I AM a member . . . and I have found the other members there rude, clique-y, drama queens. So it is important that Cre8buzz kick some ass here.Now I don't like to make internet threats . . . but do you remember that scene in Bruce Almighty? The one with the monkeys? That is what will happen to you if you don't vote. Really. More About: Vote
Just So You Know
2007-12-19 03:18:00 When you are attending your kindergarten aged child's Christmas program, and you are wearing high heeled boots . . . . . . and you slip and fall down in the hallway of the school . . . . . . . . . . it is SO NOT appropriate to yell "Oh Shit!" on the way down. Truly. Just ask the entire hallway full of parents and teachers at my child's school. If only I had known.They are really cute boots though.
Gratitude: Semester Grades
2007-12-18 01:25:00 This is totally beyond my expectations. I knew I was doing ok, but I'm not really one to obsess about my current grades. This is SO COOL. More About: Gratitude , Grades , Semester
What Your Desktop Does When You Aren't Looking
2007-12-17 03:19:00 Because I love Stumble, and because my husband won't come to the computer to see this:http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/ see.htm More About: Desktop
Customer Service Loves Me
2007-12-16 04:07:00 CS: Thank you for calling YadaYada's Super Warm Coat Company, how can I help you today?Me: Well, I bought a YadaYada Super Warm Coat Company Coat recently. Last night I washed it according to the label instructions, and all the down disappeared from the back.CS: I'm sorry, the down disappeared?Me: Yes, there is nothing between the lining and the shell. The fluffy down is gone from the back of the coat.CS: Are you saying there was a rip in the coat?Me: No, there's no rip, no feathers in the washer or dryer. They're just gone.CS: Well ma'am, sometimes the down can redistribute to other areas of the coat.Me: No, the stitching is still there to prevent that, the feathers just disappeared. From the back. The girls and my arms are nice and toasty, but I'm literally freezing my ass off with no downy goodness in the back of the f'ing coat.CS: There's no need for profanity ma'am.Me: Sorry, I was just using my sentence enhancers.CS: Ma'am, the down doesn't just dis... More About: Customer Service , Service , Customer
Ice Storm! ~or~ Why Al Gore Can Kiss My Ass
2007-12-14 18:32:00 *Happy Dance* Sung to the tune of "neener neener neener" I got mah power back! I got mah power back! *End of Happy Dance* Did you miss me? Did you notice I was gone? Did you change my room into that sewing room you've always wanted? Well too bad. Because I'm baa--aack!Monday night my area experienced a lovely ice storm. Didn't think too much of it, I was just glad I wouldn't be driving to work in it. Went to bed, just a little rain outside, no big deal. I was looking forward to seeing the pretty ice covered trees in the morning. So I wake up Tuesday, and was informed by Mr. Honeybell that our power had gone out. We didn't get it back until THURSDAY MORNING!!In any case, I present to you a photo essay of our two days without power, in our freezing ass house:Finally! Now that we have power, I present to you the Great Meltdown At Honeybell House: More About: Kiss , Al Gore , Storm , Gore
Gratitude: All About The Little Things
2007-12-10 19:07:00 Tiny things can become huge, whether it is a minor annoyance, or the feeling of finally catching a break. I had much to be grateful for this weekend. We had an ice storm which lasted from Friday through Sunday morning. Of course I work every weekend, and would be driving through it. My OB unit had no patients, so I normally would have stayed home on call for $1.50 an hour (AGAIN). Instead, it was decided that I should come in, be on call "in house", and get paid. Like real money. Grateful, because otherwise I wouldn't have had a paycheck at all for this pay period. During my half hour drive through the Kansas countryside, I was reminded how grateful I am for four wheel drive. I drove along in relative safety enjoying the warmth of my car, listening to Jack Johnson on my iPod, daydreaming I was in Hawaii with Jack rather than the arctic tundra my corner of the world has become. Grateful that I did not see any other cars stranded or in the ditch on my way. Grateful that I ... More About: Gratitude , Things
An Open Letter To Noggin
2007-12-07 19:22:00 Dear Noggin,This is of the utmost importance in the Honeybell House:This is the reason why . . .That little blue dog MUST be available at all hours of the day and night. Monkey Boy loves him some Blue's Clues. However, THIS:Is my two year old's idea of the anti-christ. He hates this moose with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. When I use the "On-demand" feature for Noggin, this moose rears it's ugly head. And Monkey Boy becomes UNGLUED. He runs to me screaming, crying, and nashing his teeth. His eyes roll back, flames burst forth from his head, a reaction that proclaims:"ARE YOU NOT AWARE OF THE FREAKING MOOSE?! WE FAST FORWARD THROUGH THE FREAKING MOOSE WOMAN, OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?? REMOVE IT'S PRESENCE FROM MY TELEVISION SCREEN IMMEDIATELY! AND PAY ATTENTION NEXT TIME!"And so I beg of you Noggin, bring back Face:We love face on our old DVD's. Face is our friend. Not to mention, I simply cannot handle the stress caused by the frigging moose.Thank you,Hone... More About: Open , Letter , Open Letter
Christmas Mousies - A Recipe
2007-12-06 16:46:00 It's snowing here in Honeybell Land, and making me feel all Christmas -y. I'm sharing with you a recipe we made last year for these adorable little Christmas mice. It's a lot of fun, and the kids can help:Yes, that would be Goofy Boy wearing a Halloween shirt while making Christmas mice. There IS a reason we call him Goofy.I've lost the actual recipe book these came from, but they are super easy, and I don't need no stinking recipe book, 'cause I'm all cool like that.You will need one package of Oreos (or oreo look-alikes) with one side carefully removed. One package of melted chocolate almond bark, one or two jars of stem-on maraschino cherries, rinsed and dried, one bag of Hershey's kisses, unwrapped. One package of slivered almonds, and small tubes of red & green gel icing.Holding by the stem, dip a maraschino cherry into the chocolate, and place on the halved oreo, toward the edge of the cookie, with stem curving up. Before the chocolate dries, attach the Hersh... More About: Recipe , Reci
My Meme-Shameless
2007-12-05 18:07:00 Becky at Chocolate Party , and Rachel at "From the Land of Monkeys and Princesses"have tagged me for this meme!This is a really fun one. You need your iPod, for this. It?s a list of questions that you answer with the title of a random song. So?I put my iPod on shuffle and here are the questions with the song title answers?it?s hilarious! I swear, I shuffled the songs and this is the order it gave me! 1. Would would describe your personality?Paradise City by Guns N Roses 2. What do you like in a guy/girl?Moondance - Van Morrison 3. How do you feel, today?Massive Cure - Smoosh 4. What?s your life?s purpose?Taking Over Me - Evanescence (oh my!) 5. What is your motto?Bring Me to Life - Evanescence 6. What do your friends think of you?I'll Be (the greatest fan of your life) HA! HA! 7. What do you think of your parents?She Talks to Angels - The Black Crowes (wow!) 8. What do you think about very often?Superstar - Saliva 9. What do you think of your best friend?Fortunate Foo... More About: Meme , Shame , Mele
It's That Time Again!
2007-12-04 18:03:00 Time to play:WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??I am having an extramarital affair with Google analytics. Shhh . . . don't tell Mr. Honeybell. I always wonder if people who search for this off the wall stuff are disappointed when they get here. So help me out here, if you are a weirdo that wound up here by accident, are you surprised? Traumatized? Disgusted? I really want to know. In any case, here are my favorite search words that led folks here, in the order that made me laugh hardest:~ A stunning number of you have arrived here looking for "marijuana" . Haven't you heard? Take it from Nancy Reagan and JUST SAY NO. (plus I don't share)~ "Hundreds of Penises". Wow. I don't even know what to say about that.~ "Bralessness" is still a favorite. WHOO HOO!!~ "Can you fake a contraction" No. I can tell if you're faking. There is no way to fake labor without your nurse or doctor knowing. We may not tell you we know you're faking, we'll just talk about you once you leave. ... More About: Time
Gratitude: For Blankie Sleepers
2007-12-04 05:49:00 They make my baby a warm, snuggly, little round blue ball of joy! More About: Sleepers , Gratitude , Sleeper
We Know How To Deal With Bears Like You!
2007-12-03 19:09:00 On any given day this is what Goofy Boy's bed looks like:I have to limit him to six or seven animals on the bed, or he won't allow enough room for himself. He LOVES stuffed animals, always has. From the time he could crawl, he was always hauling along one of his little animals with him. For 2 years of preschool he had to take a little animal with him. Here are the animals I won't allow on the bed :Given his love of stuffed animals, I had to wonder when I encountered this:What did that seemingly innocent bear do to deserve this? Make a note - do NOT cross Goofy Boy. Apparently he'll get medieval on your ass. More About: Bears , Deal , Bear , Like You
Gratitude: For experiencing phone calls like this one-
More articles from this author:2007-12-01 17:45:00 Miss School Secretary: Goofy Boy is here in the office, and seems to think he's having some kind of allergic reaction . . . .Me: O-kayy . . . . what's going on?Miss School Secretary: Well, would you like to talk to him?Me: Please.Goofy Boy: Honey? Hi how are you?Me: I'm fine sweetie pea, what's going on? Are you having problems with your asthma?Goofy Boy: No Honey . . . (nearly in tears) I CAN'T STOP SNEEZING!!!Me: You are calling me to come get you from school because you are sneezing????Goofy Boy: I don't want you to come get me, I want you to come here and make me better!!Me: Sweetie pea, have you blown your nose?Goofy Boy: *SNIFF* . . . . . . no.Me: Ok, well I think you will be fine if you just blow your nose.Goofy Boy: Well Honey, I don't think I can do that. I don't know where any tissue is. Can't you just come here and make me better? *Achoo!*Me: No Goofy, all you need to do is blow your nose. Let me talk to Miss School Secretary and she... More About: Phone , Calls , Gratitude , Phone Calls , Phone call 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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