The Bell Pages Blog The Bell Pages Blog I am step-mom to two boys, mom to two more, a wife, as well as dog, cat and goldfish owner. Should the growing laundry pile in the basement spark a life of it's own, I'll probably have to feed it too. So join me as I cook supper, mop the floor, put a Articles
Honeybell's Command of The Day
2007-10-23 18:19:00 Go here, bid on the toy bins. I would, but I'm a broke ass college student. However I totally want this chick to get like 2 million dollars for these toy bins.http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll ?ViewItem&item=110183920066Psst . . . . I found this post intially at Cunt Face which is a fantastic group effort blog. More About: Command
How Fussy Made Honey's Ears RAWK, and other random photos
2007-10-22 19:43:00 Phone Boy actually threatened me: "You'd better not put that picture on the internet!!"Hee Hee!He's been doing this for a while . . . .Like before he was even born!Our neighbor's beautiful tree has exploded in fantastic shades of red, orange and even pink!Our butt-ugly leaves are dead.This is what you do when you would like to find your child eating a box of cupcakes in the living room at 5:30 in the morning. That rail is SO going back on."sisses" for Mommy"Can I watch a movie in your room PUHLEEZE? I won't go to sleep in there, I PROMISE!"Grandma and Grandpa took the boys to the pumpkin patch.And brought back accidental porn.The Fabulous Mrs. Fuss ypants HEARTS ME!! I got these fantastic earrings for losing her contest! Isn't she truly FABULOUS?? More About: Photos , Random , Made , Ears
An Open Letter To My E-Mail Spammers:
2007-10-17 20:47:00 Dear Sirs,You should really know that my penis size is just perfect. As in non-existent. And that pump thing? Sounds painful, don't know that I'd recommend it. In addition, if there really are "Secret Lovers Attempting to Contact Me", I'm pretty confident they should actually be classified as stalkers. Please call the police.Now then, while I'm willing to believe the Bank of Nigeria has my best intentions at heart, I'm not interested in the Funds Transfer. I'm not that great at math . . . or haven't you heard? Which reminds me, Lady Josephine, while I really sympathize with your status of widow . . . stop calling me "Your Beloved". It's creepy.Furthermore, I have no intention of having a Career In Law Enforcement. Jeez, I'm already going to nursing school, are you trying to kill me??!! Nor do I want a free laptop, or a free ringtone, or a free iPod, or a free car . . . You see, if I accepted those offers, I'll feel compelled to put out. Mr. Honeybell would pr... More About: Mail , Open , Letter , E-Mail , Open Letter
My Knight In Shining Armor
2007-10-16 19:01:00 I began taking classes this year in order to make our lives easier. So far this semester has proved that that goal is going to take a while, because it the meantime . . . it's a helluva lot harder. While I'm only taking 14 hours, those 14 hours have had a huge impact on my family. Laundry is left undone, dishes are left in the sink, and I'm so very TIRED. Much more so than I had anticipated. Childcare has us running in circles, and my MIA status has been reflected in the boy's behavior.However . . . the biggest surprise to me has been how fantastic my Mr. Honeybell has been. This is not to say I expected him to be an asshole about it or anything, but I've been so pleasantly surprised how supportive and helpful he has been! He has pretty much taken over laundry duties, washes dishes regularly (I will never live in a house without a dishwasher again!!), and shoos me back to schoolwork while he deals with the boys. He has told me repeatedly how proud he is that I drag my ol... More About: Knight , Shining , Armor
Of Mice And The Honeybells
2007-10-15 22:25:00 At risk of making myself and my house sound all dirty and disgusting, I'm going to tell you all about my evening last night.Blame it on the recent colder, wetter weather. Blame it on my pathetic recent housekeeping. In any case, we have discovered a mouse is living in our dishtowel drawer. I cannot explain in words how repugnant I find mice to be. Their quivering little whiskers, their claw like nasty little paws, their quick, spastic little movements . . . . UGH. I won't even watch Stuart Little . . . gross, disease carrying little bastard.I brought home mouse traps to rid ourselves of the vermin. Mr. Honeybell was setting the death traps with an exuberance for murder like this guy:Mr. Honeybell had the drawer open and ready to send Mr. Mouse to his eternal repose, when I saw the little SOB scamper across the back of the drawer. Expletives emitted from my mouth I was not aware I even knew. Mr. Honeybell starts screaming right along with me-we are sure the rodent is going ... More About: Mice
Because There Isn't Enough About ME
2007-10-12 18:54:00 Jessica at It's My Life, Laugh If You Must has tagged me for a "7 things about me" meme. Because here at the Bell Pages, there really isn't enough of Honeybell. That's what we all need, some more Honeybell.Let the introspection begin!I'm only 5 ft tall. With shoes on.I didn't get married until I was 30. Thank God, because the thought of being married to any of my previous boyfriends makes me throw up a little.I was a cheerleader in high school. I was a horrible cheerleader, as we spent most of our time in the bathroom of the gym smoking weed.Thanks to me, Sr. Rita Marie thinks marijuana smells like clove cigarettes.I haven't smoked a joint in years.I LOVE starting IV's on people. And giving shots. And placing nasogastric tubes. Thank goodness I'm good at it, or there would an awful lot of patients pissed off at me.My favorite drink is a White Russian-with Carolina's instead of vodka. I don't care what anyone says, I can always taste the vodka. Yuck.I'm lazy. I ...
Muffin Top?
2007-10-11 17:30:00 Have you seen this commercial? Cracks me up everytime! More About: Muffin
Would You Like To Hear Me Whine?
2007-10-10 18:47:00 Mr. Honeybell and I have always been sleep deprived. When you have kids, and especially when you work nights, it just comes with the territory. However our sleep deprivation has increased so much since I began school, it is unreal. Get prepared, for you are about to read the mundane description of my fatigued existence.Saturday:7:00am- Wake Sporty and Goofy with a cheerful attitude. Feed healthy breakfast and prepare them for soccer games.9:00am- Soccer Games ("YAY! Go You! Great Job!")11:45am- Prepare hot, nutritious lunch for four boys and husband.12:30pm- Clean house, laundry, play with Monkey.2:00pm- Grocery Store3:30pm- Weep over $300 spent on groceries that will last a week and a half.4:00pm- Get ready for work (shower, straighten hair, make-up).5:00pm- Thoughtful babysitting grandparents have arranged for supper.5:30pm-6:00am- Work, have fun with new baby, enjoy time with friends and co-workers.Sunday:8:00am- Sleep11:30am- Be awakened by children. Sit on couch an... More About: Hear , Whine
Einstein Had An Aneurism. Thank God.
2007-10-09 18:54:00 Today in Psychology class we were discussing different types of intelligence. In particular, those people who are extremely intelligent, yet lack even the slightest amount of common sense. I think I should bring Phone Boy in for extra credit. For instance, recently Mr. Honeybell instructed Phone Boy not to leave his bike at a friend's house. The very next day, Phone Boy left his bike at his friend's house while he went to watch a soccer game. The bike was promptly stolen.By some miraculous turn of events, within a week, the bike was found and returned. We were reiterating to Phone Boy that he cannot leave his bike without chaining it. "Doesn't P. have a fence at his house?" I asked. Phone Boy looks confused. Finally he answers my question with "Yeah . . . but it's all messed up."I replayed the conversation in my head to make sure I hadn't missed anything."What does that have to do with whether or not you can chain to your bike to it?! No one is going to steal your bi... More About: Einstein , Stein , Hank
Feelin' The Memey Love
2007-10-08 16:31:00 Chatter Mom LLUURVES me!! But then, really, who doesn't?She's tagged me for these awards: plus a "5 interesting factoids" meme. So here we go - 5 Fascinating Facts About Honeybell!(This meme is brought to you by "Annoying Third Person Honeybell", cause I'm very tired and feeling slightly obnoxious and slap happy.)1. Honeybell can move her pinkie toe without moving the rest of her toes. On both feet.2. Honeybell can, and has butchered a chicken. However she hates plucking those tiny little feathers.3. Honeybell's childhood ambition was to marry either Mr. Green Jeans, or Mac Davis.4. Honeybell failed typing class in High School. She was subsequently informed by her typing teacher that she would never become anyone's secretary.5. If you need an IV, Honeybell is your girl. She only takes one IV needle with her to a patient's room, because she knows that's all she'll need.Because I'm so very lazy, and so very tired, and have been tagged TWICE, I am offering up the 5 ... More About: Love
Why You Should Never Buy Bras At Walmart
2007-10-04 18:29:00 This has always been a big question for me. Buy my intimates at at actual lingerie shop, or go the cheap route and grab my support on my way to the automotive section? While you will normally get better quality at a shop or department store, you also get the dubious benefit of a better fit. Dubious because this means an lavender scented 90 year old woman feeling you up (we can also file this one under the title "My First Bra At Age 12 and Other Traumas"). Now admittedly, they never smelled as nice, but there are more than a few dirty old men in the world. Most of them have been my patient in the hospital when I worked in Acute Care. I've had enough of 90 year olds feeling me up. So it's off to one stop shopping. Today I needed some milk, motor oil, Prozac, condoms, an air compressor, toilet paper, a Subway sandwich, and of course some new undergarments.The need for some new bras became glaring obvious yesterday as I was giving the aforementioned speech in Public Speaking c... More About: Bras , Walmart
An Utterly Pointless Post
2007-10-03 16:37:00 I have rushed home on my hour break. Sad, sad Mr. Honeybell went to work last night on about 3 hours of sleep. So I'm here to hang out with the Monkey Boy while he gets some sleep. And straighten my hair. And practice the speech I'm giving in Public Speaking today. Hell, I have a whole hour, maybe I could work on that world peace thing too.In any case, It's National De-lurking Day! (hence the button)So even though this is like, the lamest post ever, you still have to comment. So There! More About: Post , Pointless
I Meant What I Said, But Not So Much
2007-10-01 18:43:00 I know, I know, I said no more pics. However after a few days of thought, I've come to the conclusion that seeing as how this blog is teeny-tiny, I think we're good. Flickr will continue to be private-friends and family only. Which means no flickr badge (and oh how I loved my flickr badge!). But I will continue to post pics here, while additionally surfing the net to monitor for theft.That being said, you may now revel in the glory that is the smartest baby in my immediate vicinity: In addition, we went Halloween shopping yesterday, and purchased costumes!! (I LOVE Halloween, Mr. Honeybell and I get WAY too into it . . . ) Here is a preview of our excessive Halloween celebration:Johnny Depp ~ Eat Your Heart Out!
Update On My People Magazine Debut
2007-09-29 18:54:00 I heard yesterday from People Magazine , the article on Chantix was pushed back to NEXT Friday, and they may be running a photo with the dream description.Alas, fame and fortune is a struggle. More About: Update , People Magazine , Debut
Do You Read?
2007-09-27 18:30:00 I recently got an email from Anne Glamour at My Tiny Kingdom about Shelfari. I am addicted! I'm an avid reader. That is when I'm not going to school, taking care of kids or doing the laundry. Ok. Fine. I used to be an avid reader.Anyway, I have a lot of books. At Shelfari you can list your books, write reviews, find friends and groups, blah, blah, blah. The entire point of this post is for me to blatantly, pathetically beg for you join and be my friend. Why will I make a good friend? Let's explore:1. I make the most bad ass chocolate chip cookies. And I give them away at Christmas.2. I read really good books, so you could just claim all the books on my shelf as your own, which will make you look really good.3. I have a great combination of being a nurse, and being REALLY opinionated. Get it? "Hello free medical advice!!"4. I get bored with stuff easily, if you are my size or smaller, you could double your wardrobe in six months.5. I am very, very, funny dammit.H... More About: Read
Second Post of The Day, 'Cause I'm ANGRY!
2007-09-26 22:17:00 Thanks to reading this post today at Rockstar Mommy, I am going to change the way I address posting photos on this site. It is a dilemma for public bloggers whether or not to post photos of their children online. Until now, I've been fine with it. My stance has always been "hey, if my kid gets his picture in the paper I don't freak out . . . "But when it comes down to it, pedophiles are not scanning the newspaper for pictures of children. They ARE scanning the internet.As far as I know, I've never had a photo stolen. I did have the weirdo favorite a picture of ME on flickr. But that was ME, and it was MY CHOICE to post my OWN PICTURE. However if I were responsible for some sick bastard stealing my child's photo, I don't think I can deal with that.So here is the deal. My photos will continue to be available on Flickr. Eventually I will get around to sending invitations to friends and family to be able to view them. If you don't want to wait on my lazy ass, feel free t... More About: Post , Angry
My Job
2007-09-26 20:30:00 Some days, after spending several hours with a new mom and her family,I am so excited to get to see them take their new family home. The entire affair is anticipated, celebrated, and a true joy to the new family.On rare days, I'll look at a perfect, tiny little person, and think "This moment, right now, here in the nursery, is as good as your life is going to get baby, and I'm so very sorry".And I really hope I'm wrong.
Bumps In The Night At Honeybell House
2007-09-25 17:37:00 *Cough, Cough*A Boston Terrier Snort From Beneath The Blankets"WHAH!!""Honey, will you go fix him?"Snore . . . . Snore . . . . ."Hey! Stop That!""I Hate It When Phone Boy Yells In His Sleep.""I Can't Sleep . . . . Can You?"*Cough, Cough*"Let's Go Smoke"Snore . . . . Snore . . . . .*Cough, Cough*"Hey Dad, There's Something Going 'Psssst' In My Room"The party that never sleeps. More About: House , Night
But Dahling . . . . Don't You Know Who I Am?
2007-09-24 03:50:00 Over the weekend I was contacted by a reporter from People Magazine. In doing research for an article on Chantix, she came across this blog. She asked me to relay any crazy dreams I've had while taking it for a sidebar to run with the article. It should be out this Friday.I'm gonna be in People Magazine! I feel like a second-rate celebrity . . . . like Nicky Hilton maybe . . . perhaps a female Tony Danza?In retrospect, I don't know exactly how excited I should feel about being featured in a national magazine for being a little crazy, but I'm deciding just to go with it.'Cause I'm gonna be in People Magazine!How will I keep the paparazzi away??
Why No One Likes Me
2007-09-21 21:34:00 Chatter Mom very thoughtfully gave me this award like, more than a week ago . . . and I'm ashamed to say in the chaos that is my life . . . I totally forgot . . . 'cause sometimes I can totally be an asshole like that. Obviously some sucking up is in order:Chatter Mom is a very cool chick whom I have had the pleasure of meeting just recently. Her blog is a new one on my list of regular reads, and I'm truly honored that she thought of me when handing this out. I am promptly giving it right back to her, because she is unquestionably nicer than I am!Who else falls under my benevolence? Well I think I'd like this award to go to some of my new friends at cre8buzz . . .In addition to being nice, these folks are given the Nice Matters Award because:Serinahope, cause I love her name, and she has great taste in music. (she already has this award on her blog . . . but it's not from ME, which is quite obviously makes it so fantastic)Becky at Chocolate Party, she is a truly sweet per...
Love Letters
2007-09-20 19:54:00 I was so happy Mr. Honeybell agreed to do a guest post, and I think he did a fantastic job! I was surprised at his subject matter, truthfully I was expecting a smart assed commentary on the "Perils of Living With Honeybell". Granted, he could probably fill an entire blog with that, but anyway . . .One of the reasons he and I get along so well, and were attracted to each other in the first place, is our misguided belief that we alone, are the most amusing people EVAH. We crack each other up, while everyone is left staring at us like we are idiots. Sarcasm and humor is what gets us through each day.I especially love that he talked about my dad, because he was there for the entire experience. Having Dad become confused, then being in the geriatric psych ward of the hospital (because he couldn't be controlled anywhere else) was one of the worst times in my life. During that time, we were working one night, and Mr. Honeybell and I were arguing over something silly. At the end of ... More About: Love , Love Letters , Letters
I Am Drowning In A Sea Of Pollen
2007-09-19 18:33:00 If the ragweed doesn't kill me, the high dose cocktail of Benadryl, Claritin, and Sudafed will. The meds don't even help, they just make me feel pro-active.I need to go scour my eyes with a wire brush now.And possibly attach an air hose to each nostril.Be back soon.
Mr. Honeybell Guest Blogs
2007-09-17 19:28:00 When my wife asked me to guest blog, I can't say I jumped a the opportunity. My first thought was that if I just agreed to do it, I could avoid actually following through. This would be nothing unusual in our house. Several weeks later I've decided to be a good husband, and force myself to write something. I enjoy writing about as much as Honeybell enjoys math, a fact not unknown to her.However, this small amount of torment is nothing compared to what I subject her to daily, so I'll stop whining and get on with it. I was going to write something funny, as I'm filled with hilarious observations I'm convinced everyone wants to hear. But I decided to step away from obnoxious smart-ass, and chose mushy instead.My inspiration came from Honeybell's post about her father. I didn't have the chance to get to know Melvin, as he died before Honeybell and I were together. The flash in her eyes when she talks about him is enough to tell me I missed knowing a wonderful man. I did ... More About: Blogs , Guest
Things That Make Me Laugh
2007-09-14 22:13:00 In no particular order:Chubby little baby arms wrapped tight around my neckThe disgusted look on Phone Boy's face when Mr. Honeybell and I are snuggling, and we tell him "Hey! Go on! We're making out here!"Watching the idiot dog's look of utter surprise when he actually catches the tennis ballSporty Boy's impromptu dance movesBack to back episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Hilarious showHearing Monkey talk to the dog, Frodo: "Oh, Froh-woh!"Watching Goofy wake up in the morning . . . ten minutes of groaning and stretching . . . definitely his mother's son.My "old hippie" Psych professor-yep, the one with the catThe teenage girls at community college, desperately clinging to their slut attire in 50 degree weather. I've never seen so many shivering spaghetti strapped shoulders and goose-bumped asses hanging out of shorts before.Beating Mr. Honeybell at poolSpeaking of whom, be sure to check in on Monday, Mr. Honeybell is guest blogging!! More About: Make , Things , Laugh
School Days . . . For The Momma
2007-09-13 18:19:00 Returning to school has been easier in some ways for me, more difficult in others. Child care is the most obvious issue, my increase in coffee consumption is another! I'm finding the actual studying and comprehension surprisingly easy . . . or maybe I just don't know that I don't understand! However the constant need to be doing something really goes against my naturally lazy nature, and so the family is helping out.This is a prime example of Monkey Boy's unwavering assistance:And here is Mr. Honeybell's:I will spare you the sections and diagrams he embellished and added notes to for the reproductive system. When I unknowingly opened my book to that section, my anatomy professor was impressed though. I blamed it on the kids (one more use for children . . . cover up your husbands potty humor!)It has been a joy experiencing the differences between community college and University. For instance, at University, you might expect an in depth lecture on Freud. At community coll... More About: School , Days , School Days , Momma
Priorities Are All In Order
2007-09-12 19:13:00 I was going to do a nice little snarky piece on Britney today, actually defending her if you can believe that . . . but then I saw this at Avitable, which I was compelled to steal immediately. I think this gentleman adequately expresses what we all feel, don't you think? (unless your employer is all good with the "F" word, don't watch this at work) More About: Order
Honeybell House ~ It's Ghetto Fabulous!
2007-09-10 18:34:00 We began renting this house 3 years ago. I like old homes as I think they have a lot more character than a newer one, and ours is no exception. It originally began as apartments, so we get the extra uselessness benefit of an upstairs kitchen, there is a sort of secret passage between two of the boy's bedrooms, and a separate entrance to the upstairs.The downside includes the owners penchant for patriotic decor. When we moved in, every room in the house was either red, white, or blue (we painted the baby's room, as I was afraid we've have a jittery, neurotic Monkey baby surrounded by all that red). I have American Flag border on every stair tread to the upstairs, we have since removed the same border from 2 doors and Monkey's room. When I care enough, I'll be taking it off the one living room wall as well.The kitchen hasn't been redone since the house was built in 1950. This means a lovely laminate counter in olive green with yellow swirls. This kitchen counter could eva... More About: House , Ghetto , Ghetto Fabulous
Sometimes, People Suck
2007-09-07 18:41:00 My friend and co-worker "B" went golfing with another co-worker "C". Upon returning to my friend's home (out in the middle of nowhere), a man under the influence of PCP and alcohol attacked C with a knife in the driveway. They don't even know this man. My friend reacted swiftly and wrestled the attacker to the ground. In doing do B fractured his own hand, as he had to beat the attacker unconscious to stop the attack, and get C to the hospital.This leaves C in the hospital, permanently disabled (if he lives). B with a broken hand, and a family that is now afraid to go to sleep at night. And an attacker that was too high to realize that B had broken his arm when getting the knife away, and bone was sticking through the skin. After waking up and finding my co-workers gone he went home like that.Please offer up prayers, good wishes, and whatever else you've got for my co-workers. They need it. More About: People , Suck , Some
The Story of Goofy Boy
2007-09-06 08:39:00 Six years ago today I was sent home from work and put on bed rest. The squirming alien baby my husband had impregnated me with wasn't having very reassuring heart patterns, and we all know we must put the squirming alien babies first.I never wanted kids. I was the consummate party girl. Well meaning friends with kids used to tell me how much I needed to have a baby. My standard response was "What would I do with it?". I wasn't even sure I wanted anything to do with Mr. Honeybell at first, as he was a package deal. Here were these two little boys that needed constant attention, feeding, grooming and Dear Lord have you seen some of the stuff that comes out of them?! I couldn't even have my mimosa breakfasts around them!It didn't take me long though . . . and I was just as in love with them as I was with Mr. Honeybell. And it was all good. Until . . . apparently sex can make you pregnant.I'm not good at being pregnant. The constant cravings, the heartburn, the back ... More About: Story , The Story , Tory
Because There Has Been A Serious Lack Of Cuteness As Of Late
More articles from this author:2007-09-05 00:17:00 I present to you Monkey Boy in the Tub: More About: Late , Cuteness , Been , Lack , Has Been 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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