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Smoking, Vol. II
2007-09-03 23:04:00
Well, despite the short trial of Chantix, I'm still smoking. As I mentioned in the previous post, the Chantix was doing a great job of practically eliminating my desire to smoke. The downside came with it's side effects. The unceasing sweating I could deal with (gross, but ok). The constant slight disconcerted feeling I could deal with. The weird-ass dreams I could deal with. But when it caused my Prozac to stop working . . . . well, nobody wants that.My mother battled depression nearly her entire life. I know my dad had a hard time especially after his first stroke. Nearly everyone in my family has a history of depression. I never thought I did, I just thought I was pissed off all the time.I always thought of depressed people as those that cry all the time, can't get out of bed, etc. Which certainly happens, but it never occurred to me that a constant feeling of rage could be a sign of depression. I assumed I was just a bitch. As did most everyone else.After my dad d...
More About: Smoking , Crazy People

Gotta Love Google
2007-09-02 08:45:00
I am loving the ability to see what people type into search engines which brings people to my blog. Most of the time. Sometimes it makes me fear for the future of society. Bring on the keywords!"Honeybell Face"I think I like this. Perhaps that's what I should have called myself."Blog Angst Teenager"Who wants to read the rambling of some crying, whining emo kid? Someone WITHOUT a teenager I'm sure."Boys who don't wear underwear"Ok, you are either one sick sonuvabitch, or you are a worried mother. If you are the former, stop it you freaking sicko! If you are the latter, don't worry about it, mine doesn't either."How to fake a seizure"Good lord moron, please, PLEASE stay out of my hospital. And see a shrink, for my sake and the sake of nurses and physicians everywhere. I will give you one hint though: don't 'come to' when you are offered food. That's always a dead giveaway."Obnoxious things to say"You have obviously found the right website."Picture of monkey sucking...
More About: Google , Love , Googl , Gotta

What Have I Done?
2007-09-01 01:04:00
I've spent nearly all day changing the layout of the Blog . . . and now I don't think I like it. Whah. I REALLY wanted the 3 columns back, and I like the tabs at the top, but something about it I just can't decide if I like or not.What do you think?
More About: Done

In Which I Insist You Click This Link
2007-08-30 19:25:00
I just read the most beautiful post at Velveteen Mind. I can't think of anything witty or marvelous to say, so check it out for yourself.http://www.velveteenmind.com/vel veteenmind/2007/08/camille-was-a-l.html
More About: Click , Link

Random Photos!
2007-08-30 17:51:00
Monkey Boy Gets A Haircut!Yes, I finally agreed.Brothers making sure it's done right.Worlds of Fun!Our recent trip to the amusement park. Goofy LOVED this roller coaster and insisted that he ride it twice. Check out the ridiculous line!Fools.(I am a big scardey cat, that's Mr. Honeybell and Phone Boy on the coaster)Train ride, they used to stage a robbery, but have evidently done away with doing that.Phone Boy being bored.My handsome fella taking a lunch break.I love the forced smile. It was about 2000 degrees.Camp Snoopy!Goofy was determined to ride this by himself.How to waste as much money as possible in the least amount of time.Goofy loved the Easter Island head . . . anyone else see Night at the Museum?My guys.I'm tired! Where's my frappuccino?
More About: Photos , Random

Mr. Honeybell . . . Underappreciated!
2007-08-29 18:42:00
I recently had a battery problem with my Pathfinder, and was unable to drive it for a couple of days. The boys had gotten used to me driving Mr. Honeybell's van instead. Normally Tony is our 'go to guy' for mechanical problems, however this was a simple fix and Mr. Honeybell took care of it.The morning after the problem had been rectified, we were heading for a drive at Monkey Boy's insistence (he will occasionally bring me his shoes and wait at the door yelling "Bye Bye!!). As Goofy headed for the van I told him we were driving in my car since "your dad fixed it"."Honey . . . don't you mean TONY fixed it?""No sweetie, your dad took care of it"Phone Boy had just come outside: "Are you serious? DAD fixed the car?!"Jeez. You'd think he was sporting a pocket protector, taped glasses, and only speaking to us in Klingon...
More About: Erap , Reci

An Open Letter to The Kansas City Chiefs:
2007-08-28 04:57:00
(I'm feeling very communicative lately)Dear Kansas City Chiefs,I must tell you I am very disappointed with your performance so far this pre-season.Very. Disappointed.I am not a woman you want to disappoint. I almost hit Marcus Allen with my Geo Metro in KC Masterpiece parking lot once . . . so you can see that I know people dammit. I can make things difficult for you.I can do things to make your lives mildly uncomfortable . . . possibly, ok, not at all . . . but still. How would you like it if I removed your glitter banner from my Myspace?? No, you wouldn't like that at all would you? What if I began booing at my television? OR God forbid . . . coming to the games and booing while everyone else in the stadium is politically insensitively doing the Tomahawk Chop? What would you do then? What if I let my huge crush on Peyton Manning override my Chiefs loyalty? THAT would fix your little red Arrowhead wagons wouldn't it? It's even entirely possible that I will stop weari...
More About: Open , Letter

An Open Letter To The Rat Bastard That Tried To Break Into Our Van:
2007-08-25 01:58:00
Humph. Moron.Love, Honeybell******************************** ****************Last night as I got out of the tub, Mr. Honeybell was coming in from having a cigarette. "I just stopped someone from breaking into the van!" He had been sitting in the darkness of our front porch, watched this guy walk up the street and into our yard, while his thieving cohort stood guard in the street. Oblivious to Mr. Honeybell, he crouched down, and reached up to open the van door. At this time Mr. Honeybell yelled:"JUST WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"I'm sure the would-be car thief ran off in order to change his pants.In any case, this situation got me thinking. At about age three or four, we lived at our house on the lake. Because we were so close to the water, we couldn't have a basement. Instead we had a tornado shelter next to the house. One night my parents came rushing in and scooped my sister and I from the bathtub. There was a tornado on the l...
More About: Open , Break , Letter , Bastard , Open Letter

I Always Thought Invisibility Would Be Cool
2007-08-23 17:32:00
We had tickets to seen Korn and Evanescence.I wanted to see Evanescence, but had no desire to see Korn.When Mr. Honeybell suggested it, I allowed Phone Boy to have my ticket.I gave my ticket to Phone Boy.I've mentioned several times "be sure to get me a T shirt though!"Before they left last night, I told both of them individually and together "Don't forget to buy my T shirt!"Boys Suck.
More About: Cool , Thought , Always , Visibility

I Had No Idea Boys Do This
2007-08-23 04:15:00
Phone Boy: "This is what I'm wearing to school tomorrow."Best Friend: "Oh wait, let me help pick it out, we'll pick a shirt like one I have, and I'll wear mine tomorrow too."Who knew?
More About: Idea , Boys

Sleep Is Overrated. Apparently.
2007-08-21 17:56:00
We love Phone Boy's best friend. He's a great kid, super polite, and always greets me with a "Hi Mom!" and a big hug (yeah, the sucking up never hurts). When the doorbell rang at 6:30 this morning, I was sure violence would ensue. However, there stood best friend to pick up Phone Boy for school. Luckily Mr. Honeybell was awake enough not to smack him or anything. Why they feel the need to leave so early I've no clue, but there must be some kind of trouble to get into at that hour.So once the entire household was awakened by the doorbell, our day began. Sad me, I have never been able to return to sleep after waking without pharmaceutical assistance, so I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep. And scheduled to work tonight. Then go to classes most of the day tomorrow. Now that I think about it, maybe I'll go to the middle school and smack the kid.Anyway.Today was my second day of classes at our local community college. I had "Essentials of Math" first due to my embarrassi...
More About: Sleep , Overrated , Rate , Appa , Parent

Shoes and Shirt Required (oh, and pants)
2007-08-20 19:15:00
Shoe shopping yesterday for four boys. What a pain. First you collect all of the too small shoes, cram them on their big 'ol feet, as they've been wearing mostly sandals or crocs all summer, then you go to the bank to take out the loan to buy shoes for four children, then you drive for an hour because our stupid town doesn't have ONE shoe store that sells kid's shoes. Grrr.The oldest three were very into it. Monkey Boy, not so much. Again I wonder at the mind of a toddler. Photographic proof of the child's love of different shoes. EVERYONE ELSE'S SHOES:(I just now realized how many pictures of Monkey are on here sans pants. He does wear them, I swear.)Anyway. I don't care who you are, if you take off your shoes in my home, Monkey will be wearing them around in a matter of seconds. However, since he was born, Monkey has hated to have new shoes of his own. He screams and cries when you try to put them on his feet, yelling "NO! NO! NO!" as you try to put them on. Try...
More About: Shoes , Pants , Shirt

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, What You Gonna Do?
2007-08-20 06:39:00
Goofy Boy: You know Honey, in school, all the pretty girls like the bad boys.Me: And where did you come by this tidbit of information?Goofy: Honey! (all while rolling his eyes, as though he's explaining the sky is blue) I just KNOW it, no one had to tell me.Me: Well, I'm here to tell you, I was a pretty girl in school once, and I never liked the bad boys. (yes, I lied to my own son. What do you want? I can't have him turning into a little hooligan now can I?)Goofy: Well . . . maybe that's just in High School. Besides Honey, I don't think I'll be signing up for High School anyway.
More About: Boys , Gonna

On The Runway
2007-08-17 19:55:00
Me- "That was some outfit that guy ahead of us in line had on."Mr. Honeybell- "What guy? I was busy looking at the girl a couple of people ahead of us."Me- "How can I make fun of people if you aren't paying attention? I can't do it all by myself you know."Mr. Honeybell- "She was cute."Me- "Check out girls on your own time dammit! I'm trying to be evil here!"Mr. Honeybell- "ok, what was he wearing?"Me- "Neon green tank shirt, red pleated dockers shorts complete with black dress belt, neon green Reeboks, and fuzzy red leg warmers . . . oh yeah, and a fishing hat . . . with lures firmly in place."Mr. Honeybell- "I can't believe I missed that."Me- "What did I tell you, you have to pay attention!"I don't mean to be a fashion snob. I really don't. Throughout my life I've tried to break this fashion habit, but I can't. At the age of three I remember getting up out of bed in the middle of the night, appalled by my Holly Hobbie PJ's. I dug around my sister's drawer ...
More About: Runway

What I've Gotten Myself Into
2007-08-16 22:46:00
Ok, I finally did it. I'm an officially enrolled college student. Complete with crappy photo ID and everything. Everyone else was right, and I was lazy, and now I'm going back to school and are you happy now dammit??!!The only problem is, I don't want to become a RN, I just want to BE a RN. I've worked in that capacity as a LPN for years. I don't want to sit in class, I don't want to go to clinicals. I'm old enough to be my classmate's mother. I have four kids to raise, a husband, rent to pay, and of course there's the Internet that needs tending to. I currently have no financial aid, no childcare, tons of conflicts with my work schedule . . . but I can't continue to make excuses. It'll have to work itself out, because I'll never do it if I think too much. In 2 years I'll be able to get a job I want, at the pay I'm worth, in the field I excel in.I start on Monday.
More About: Gott

Goofy Boy's First Day of Kindergarten ~OR~ You Mean I'm Just Supposed To Le
2007-08-15 21:54:00
You know, this kindergarten thing sounded fine in theory. But I now realize you meant now . . . today. I'm going walk out of here and leave him sitting on the floor looking all small and apprehensive all by himself. I feel like I'm dropping him off at the mall unsupervised.Wait, you say there are a dozen teachers and aides standing there? I don't know, that perky blond one looks a little shady to me.
More About: Pose , Kindergarten

Take a Poll!!!
2007-08-13 21:00:00
Ok, how creepy is it that this guy favorited this picture of me on flickr? I suppose this is what happens when you mention "cleavage" in a photo description. So . . . am I flattered in a perverse sort of way? Am I offended? I haven't decided yet . . . what would you do? Take the poll at the right!!
More About: Poll

Swami Honeybell
2007-08-11 02:56:00
I think a lot about how the boys will turn out as they get older. Here are my predictions for the future:Phone Boy: Phone Boy is going to have a string of hot girlfriends, but no one too serious for a long time. He'll be too busy making tons of money and being number one in his chosen profession. As much as he likes to argue, I'm guessing lawyer. He won't have kids (because frankly, what's in it for him really?) It will take him a long time to find the girl smart and beautiful enough to keep him on his toes. He will also be a fantastic uncle to the six dozen kids Sporty will be having.Sporty Boy: Sporty will marry his high school or college sweetheart. They will precede to populate the earth with the afore mentioned children. LOTS and LOTS of children. If you ask him now what he would like to be when he grows up, he says "A dad". I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes an elementary teacher, probably P.E., and a perpetual sports coach for all those kids. Sporty's th...

Just So You Know
2007-08-06 22:58:00
Police Officers don't think it's funny when they ask why you're speeding and you reply "I'm almost out of gas, so I'm trying to hurry up".Officer Hill in particular will ask if you are being a smart ass. It's never good when the officer uses the word "ass" in any context in reference to you.It is nice however when upon examining your license, he discovers that you used to rent a house from him, and he remembers that you know that he cheats on his wife (NOT from firsthand experience, thank you). That is very good news indeed. That's "warning instead of ticket" kind of good news.

Monkey Boy's Very First, Totally Useless Emergency Room Visit
2007-08-05 01:09:00
It was only a matter of time. This type of behavior can only go on for so long before someone finally has to say "I think he needs stitches".Monkey Boy's time came yesterday, during a gravity defying attempt to leap over Mr. Honeybell from the couch to the floor head first. You guessed it, he does NOT in fact, have the ability to fly. It is a relief to have THAT nagging question all cleared up.Also, Monkey Boy does not like Emergency Room staff. Having a small, but deep and profusely bleeding wound cleaned out is NOT his idea of a good time. Nor is being wrapped like a mummy while ER staff glue his face something he is remotely interested in doing again ( we choose glue as opposed to stitches to minimize scarring, and no one wanted to hold him down that long anyway).Everyone within a three mile radius of the hospital is now acutely aware of his displeasure at the entire "holding down and wound gluing" situation. One resident in the vicinity contacted me personally and asked ...
More About: Useless , Visit

For The Bible Tells Me So
2007-08-03 20:13:00
In order to start getting our spiritual groove on, Mr. Honeybell and I have been going to church the last few weeks. I know I know, exercising, quitting smoking, going to church what's wrong with me? Next thing you know I'll quit shooting up all this smack.So we're going to this small country church, we know and like the pastor, we're communing with The Lord, it's all good. This week, Mr. Honeybell and the boys went by themselves as I had worked the night before, and not even God comes before my sleep. Yes, despite the church thing, I'm probably going to hell.Now before I go any farther, I need to mention what my husband looks like. I'd take his picture, but I want to stay married. He has several tattoos, on his way to being sleeved on both arms. Pretty close cropped hair, and according to our regular pastor, "scary looking".Now I happen to know that despite all of that, he's an utter dork. Evidently the old retired pastor who was filling in for the regular pastor doe...
More About: Bible , Tells , The Bible

Smoking
2007-08-02 19:09:00
I am officially on my second week of Chantix, the new stop smoking drug. Granted, I'm still smoking, but much less than I was, and I'm not enjoying it. So that's something.There are some side effects that are driving me crazy!! I sweat like crazy at the slightest provocation. I was in a delivery the other day, under the hot lights of the baby radiant warmer in the delivery room, and sweat was just pouring off of me. I'm sure the new mom really wished I wouldn't stink up her child, with him still having that "new person smell" and all. I had to shower and change my scrubs when all was said and done. Gross.Now when I finally do get to sleep, it takes a miracle of God (or a VERY loud baby) to get me out of bed. I will want to move, but it takes 20 minutes to convince my body to do it.While I AM sleeping, my dreams are ridiculous. Last night I was in an episode of CSI, a tree branch turned into a snake and attacked me, and then I was punched by an over sized black glitterin...
More About: Smoking

Pride and Lack of Prejudice
2007-07-31 07:01:00
I was recounting these stories to a co-worker the other day, she laughed so hard I thought she'd break something, then she insisted I share them in the blog. So here you are:Story #1 ~ A Warning Against Over-Educating Your Children When You Don't Know What's Going On:We used to live in Northwest Arkansas. Beautiful area of the country, but one major change Mr. Honeybell and I noticed after moving there was the lack of ethnic diversity. While there is a large Hispanic population, there are very few black people. Like any other area, there are some very good people there, and then there are the bigots. One thing I've never understood about bigotry is why prejudiced white people think it's acceptable to express their racist views and use racial epithets around me simply because I am white. It isn't something I tolerate very well, it isn't the way I was raised.Anyway. I was taking the boys home from Tae Kwon Do one evening, they were about 8 and 5 at the time. A little Ja...
More About: Pride , Dice , Lack , Prejudice

Perhaps a Stripping Leprechaun?
2007-07-27 21:36:00
I have a dilemma. Naturally I turn to the same place I turn for all of my personal pleas . . . the Internet. Several weeks ago we took the boys to the T-Rex restaurant, where I insisted Monkey Boy have a cute little T-Rex sippy cup. It was insulated, with water and green glitter between the layers, cute huh?So last night as Monkey Boy is supposed to be feasting on Parmesan chicken and peas, I told him to stop feeding the dog instead. This so obviously translates into Monkey-ese as "Begin screaming, then throw your sippy cup across the room." The cup shattered, spraying apple juice, water, and green glitter everywhere.I repeat . . . GREEN GLITTER EVERYWHERE. I think it's multiplying. Every surface in my kitchen looks as though it's been mauled by an Irish stripper. Or a Leprechaun projectile vomited. Every time I try to clean it up, I just spread it around.So, if in fact you are an Irish stripper, a Leprechaun, or simply know how to clean up eensy weensy glitter that stick...
More About: Stripping

Things to Say to Piss Off Your 11 Year Old Who Hasn't Finished Harry Potter
2007-07-26 21:20:00
~So, have you come to the part where you find out Dumbledore is a cross dressing prostitute?~You haven't put your clothes away, I'm afraid you are grounded . . . from reading.~(In a sing-songy voice) I finished the Boook, Yoooou haven't, I know the seeecret!!! Yoooou don't!~I'm sorry, when you let me borrow your copy, I dropped it in the tub.~(While reading it yourself) Wow, Professor Snape is like, the best foster dad EVER.~WOW! When you get to the end . . . . you find out HARRY WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME!!!
More About: Harry Potter , Potter , Things , Harry , Year

Tales of a Jaded Nurse
2007-07-24 21:19:00
In the 16 years I've worked as a nurse, it has come to my attention that many people do not know how to behave while visiting, or being a patient in the hospital. Here is a handy guide to help the masses:*Disclaimer~Obviously this only applies to those in their right mind!1) For visitors: No one wants to see you immediately after surgery unless you gave birth to them or sleep with them nightly. Stay away until the patient has a chance to brush their teeth and doesn't have to pee in the little chair next to the bed.2) For patients: Bringing your own alcohol to the hospital in order to celebrate the removal of your appendix is not appropriate.3) I don't care how open minded you are, neither your father nor your father in law belong at the business end of a delivery table. That truly creeps me out. Stop it.4) For patients: If you can sit up in bed and wave your arms while yelling "Yoo Hoo!", you are able to raise the head of your own damned bed.5) For patients (and visit...
More About: Tales , Jaded , Nurse , Tale

Sex Ed. 101
2007-07-19 18:52:00
Somehow I have become the child-appointed sex educator in the house. It's not a title I embrace, however whenever the boys have a question . . . they come to me. (Do these boy children not realize they have a FATHER??!! To quote the fabulous Anne Glamour, I am the lone vagina in a house full of penises! I went to an all girls Catholic school, what do I know?? Sex is dirty!! That's all you need to know!!).Um, Ok . . . all better now.It's been a while ago that Phone Boy and I had "the talk". When it comes to kids asking questions about sexuality, I believe in answering the question truthfully, but not revealing more information than is requested. Phone Boy found a way to circumvent my plan by asking the broadest question ever."Honeybell, you know SEX?""Well, I am familiar with it, yes.""Ok, so what exactly is it? I mean, how do you do it?"Given Phone Boy's extreme intelligence and naturally inquisitive nature, this led to a two hour sex ed. class. Complete with the occasi...

The Obnoxious Mother
2007-07-18 16:51:00
My baby said "Apple Juice?" while handing me his sippy cup. Obviously this means he is the most intelligent, articulate, amazing 20 month old ever. I need to go notify MENSA. That is all.
More About: Mother , Obnoxious , The O

Goofy Boy-isms
2007-07-16 17:08:00
~Upon returning from the basement: "Dad! We have a spider in the basement! I think it's a Daddy Long Lips!"~"Honey? Did you know that it hurts when you burp through your nose?"~"After buying his own toy at the store: "I can't wait til we get home, it's gonna be The Sweet Smell of Toys!"~Talking about his friend at soccer camp: "D. is SIX, he's has so much experience, he's won like a thousand games!"~Holding his nose: "Honey, I think Monkey Boy's butt needs your attention".~Waiting at the drive thru at McDonald's: "Finally! I get to have a delicious supper for a change!"~After listening to Mr. Honeybell talk about his workout: "I'm not happy that my dad isn't in good shape . . . . you know a circle is the best shape!"

I Would Like to Thank The Academy . . .
2007-07-13 20:27:00
The fabulous Mad Goat Lady has generously awarded me the Thoughtful Blogger Award! When I excitedly told Mr. Honeybell about it he immediately responded with "You mean like how thoughtful you were about the girl across the street?"I don't like him much.Anyway . . . Big BIG thanks to the Mad Goat lady! I now have the honor of awarding five other bloggers (as always, there are rules, check 'em out at Writer's Reviews)So Here Goes. The Thoughtful Blogger Awards go to:Because she always responds to my comments, is a generally nice and funny person: Domestic Slacktress at 8 centimeters DeludedI love this girl! She is my most faithful commenter, and her blog is just cool.Coma GirlElizabeth made the Maya's Mom blogroll you see in the side column, then she spent a week trying to help me fix it when I screwed it up. She is one of the most helpful bloggers I've seen out there.Elizabeth at Table For FiveAgain, she is one of my frequent commenters, and I keep telling her we were separ...
More About: Academy , The A , Cade , Hank , The Academy