Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie is the thirty-something writer, photographer, and designer of Milkmoney or Not, a personal weblog that has been running since August 2003. Articles
50x365 #331: Mr. Peters
2008-08-17 22:13:00 I'd been told to watch out for you. I didn't know why until I was stretching your legs for you while bopping to some big band number. You grabbed the pendant on my necklace and pulled. A nurse had to disentangle us to stop you from looking down my shirt.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.
50x365 #330: Louise
2008-08-16 22:06:00 Your multiple sclerosis had paralyzed you. I asked questions while you ate through a straw, and you blinked answers, once for yes and twice for no.Does your family ever come to see you?Blink. Blink.Not even your children?Blink. Blink.I held your hand.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Louise
Swearing Can Change Your Life
2008-08-16 19:27:00 Back in the days when I said words like "freaky deaky" and "wicked" to describe my world, I was the tightest ball of anxious insecurity you could imagine. Holy bejeezus, did other people knock my poop out of its group. I lived only half a block from my elementary school, but there were three miles of despair and imagined social hell between my house and that schoolyard, I swear.Let's face it. Kids can be mean. Most kids are born megalomaniacs who have to be goaded/admonished/grounded into a more civilized state until their brains are mature enough to figure out that being a decent human being has its rewards. The kids in my grade were mostly in that pre-trained state and took joy in subjecting others to ridicule and derisive rumours. I was an easy target. I was gentle, buck-toothed, philosophical, myopic, and most of my clothes were picked out by my grandmother from the thrift store she volunteered at in a small prairie town. We've all seen how some people can dress in back... More About: Life , Change
50x365 #329: Angela
2008-08-16 02:44:00 I might have liked you if you didn't insist that we call you Angel and constantly mention your so-called modeling career. If you were a model, it was for your hometown drugstore. I know we were a tough crowd, but your glaring insecurity was enough to put anyone off.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Angela
50x365 #328: Sarah
2008-08-15 02:32:00 I was rabidly envious of the freedom with which you expressed being queer and lived your life like you were dreaming out loud. The night we danced and everyone in the room disappeared, I wanted to consume you, like parents who love their children so much that they eat them.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Sarah
Seeking Psychological Wellness In Order To Avoid Doing More Laundry
2008-08-14 07:35:00 I have to be honest with you: times are tough.I have not known what to write over the last while, because I have been in alternating cycles of depression and anxiety that have pretty much crippled my creativity and ability to perform even simple tasks. I have been here before but not to this extent in a few years, and, to be honest, I am both shocked and not in the least surprised to be here again.I am shocked, because I have been able to push through some truly trying times over the past few years with little more than my strong will to survive and the occasional use of pharmaceuticals from different doctors at as many different walk-in clinics when I found myself falling into old patterns of paranoia and circular thinking. I am not the kind of person who finds it at all easy to ask for help, and I have done my best to avoid it and won.Won what, though? I've won more of the same with ever increasing regularity, which is also why I am not in the least surprised. I look back at... More About: Laundry , Psychological , Wellness , Order , Seeking
50x365 #327: Tamara
2008-08-14 04:50:00 When your mother died, you were left to care for your brothers. We met when they were adults, and you were still in that role, looking too tired for a twenty-something. I could only watch you smile weakly from across the room where you held yourself at arm's length.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.
50x365 #326: Dana
2008-08-13 03:10:00 I thought the world of you, and you had no idea. We were both middle children, but you didn't have to change adult diapers, deal with the kind of family stress I did, or prove yourself in the face of your handicapped older brother's shortcomings. You were my free me.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.
An Oldie But A Goodie
2008-08-12 15:04:00 I think this video went viral before we even used the word like that, but when I came across it again this morning, it brought one thought to mind: I think I've found my people. Of course, they're all older now and probably properly medicated, but I can dream.The Torrance Community Dance Group performs to Fatboy Slim's "Praise You":
Kitten Wonder Cuddle On A Pathetic Day
2008-08-12 07:38:00 Do you know what's awesome? You can lie around in bed all day with your plaid adult version of a child's security blanket, consuming Doritos and crunchy coffee from a three-day-old mug, and your cats will have no idea that you are completely pathetic and probably undermedicated.I have three of these furry little buggers, and each of them is under the impression that I am here solely to take all the cuddling they can possibly press upon me.Of course, this may have something to do with my having forgotten to fill their food bowls, and I am particularly salty from sitting around in a hot apartment with no air conditioning. They probably think that my tears are the gravy to top off my fleshy deliciousness.Still, I prefer to think that they love me unerringly and are doing all they can to support me through my time of woe.Oh, Lula,kitten of the Wonder Cuddle,you grace my lap on grim daysand smell far less than the other cats,even if you do occasionally blurt noxious farts.I'd probab... More About: Pathetic , Kitten
50x365 #325: Kelly
2008-08-12 06:33:00 Where's the "on" switch? you asked over an electric typewriter two weeks into our secretarial course. You asked this every morning.There's an on/off button on the side, I said.At-soo! You sneezed like a tiny mouse. Every time I turn this thing on, I sneeze!Sweet jeebus.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Kelly
Life Is Sweet
2008-08-11 05:28:00 picnic table graffitopeople not really listeningold friend dropped from the skyhe's going to kill meain't she sweet More About: Life , Sweet
50x365 #324: Gertrude
2008-08-11 04:22:00 When you moved back, you seemed so tired. Whatever spark you'd had before was missing. You told me that you had been stabbed multiple times by a neighbour and spent months in the hospital. All the buoyancy of youth had left you; the spirit in your eyes had gone flat.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.
50x365 #323: Big Bear
2008-08-09 20:52:00 The only reason we met was because my cousin had a thing for your friend, but when you called me up for a date, I said yes. Hell, why not? I thought. Why not? You were so boring and aimless that I just about strangled you to liven things up.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Bear
50x365 #322: Tenzin
2008-08-09 07:42:00 Without a word, you sat down next to me on the lawn behind the row of sales tents, handed me a huge slice of watermelon, and lit up a joint for us to share. We smoked and ate and watched people hover around imported and handmade baubles beneath stilted canopies.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.
Here, There, And Everywhere
2008-08-08 22:58:00 I am one busy little beaver today:My first post for MamaPop is up: "I ♥ Kristy McNichol". I am so honoured to be welcomed into the talented team of writers that contribute to MamaPop's perspective on pop culture. From now on, you will be able to find me there every Friday afternoon. The 18th edition of Five Star Friday, my other baby, is out and ready for the reading. As I already said over there: "There is some seriously serious good writing going on in this week's round of Five Star Friday. I am just about high from reading through the submissions."And I have a wedding to rush off to! And I've decided to wear the heaviest outfit that this sweltering weather will allow without putting me into a coma! There's no "Schmutzie" in "smart"!
50x365 #321: Christine
2008-08-07 22:35:00 We practiced making out in the closet with the door closed after applying cherry-flavoured chapstick.Are your eyes closed? They're supposed to be closed,? you said.Yes.I lied. I liked to keep them open so that I could watched dim rays of light shine off your tangled hair.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Christine
Twenty-Five Things I've Actually Stolen
2008-08-07 08:35:00 I borrowed the basis for the following list from something I saw at Elkit in Wonderland. Most of the items on that list were less stolen and more experienced to increase joy. The items on my list? All actually stolen. Because I am a petty thief. Or something.I picked dandelions from my neighbours' lawns and presented them in a bouquet to my mother.I took the stationery from a hotel room in Edmonton, Alberta with no intention of writing letters on it.When I lived with my parents, I pocketed extra packets of raw sugar from restaurants, because my mother only kept white sugar at home for coffee.When I forgot my bag of clothes to bring to a clothing swap, I still managed to leave with a sweater.I secreted into my luggage a vintage greeting card with a baby wearing a sash that read "Happy New Year!" on the front from my grandmother's collection.I took the tiny lightbulb that flashed during fire drills out from under its red glass globe in a girls' dormitory.I took a photograph of... More About: Stolen , Twenty , Things
50x365 #320: Rolly
2008-08-07 00:50:00 When my friend's mother repeatedly held her head under water to torture an apology out of her, you saw how terrified I was and held me close to comfort me. Until this moment, though, I did not realize that you did nothing to stop the child abuse. You were complicit.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. More About: Rolly
The Music Edition: Have I Got Some Songza For You
2008-08-06 21:09:00 I, obviously without thinking it through properly, asked my posse on Twitter to send me the titles and artists of songs they have been listening to recently. I thought Oh, like maybe six people will send me songs. I was an idiot. Oh, like maybe FORTY-TWO people sent me songs. So, I have decided to haphazardly throw out 71% of the songs submitted and share twelve that the posse has been listening to that pass the Schmutzie test, the Schmutzie test being that I like the song AND I could find a decent version of it on Songza.I tacked on two more songs at the end, of course, because the Palinode and I get to have our say.To listen to any of the songs, click on the song title links. If the song doesn't play smoothly on the Songza page, press your spacebar to pause it and wait for it to load completely before pressing the spacebar again to play.Enjoy!Wilco's "Either Way" via mrladyThe Stars' "Personal" via drowninginkidsSandi Thom's "I Wish I Was a Punk Rocker (with Flowers in My... More About: Music , The Music , Edition
Wes Bentley Is A Laughing Buddha, or How I Got To Go To BlogHer And Remembe
2008-06-08 21:46:00 That picture to the left there is one I took of Mr. Wes Bentley . You might remember him as Ricky Fitts from "American Beauty" or as Blackheart from "Ghost Rider". I remember him from the patio at a local pub where he hung out with us plebs and bought a round of beer. When the Palinode pointed him out and said That guy's a dead ringer for Wes Bentley , I said He sure is, and then it turned out that he actually was Wes Bentley, and we went back to our drinking, because in Saskatchewan, Canada, we tend to be fairly relaxed about fame. Mischa Barton of "The O.C." fame was at that same pub on another night, and I did not see a single person go up to shake her hand, but then, in that situation, I think her leopard print stretch pants were a little bit offputting.On Wednesday evening, I saw Wes again, and because I had neglected to thank him properly for the round he had bought the other night, I motioned him over as he walked by my table so that I could shake his hand. Really, I just... More About: Buddha , Laughing
50x365 #261: Nikki
2008-06-08 19:54:00 You were the new kid in grade eight, and I was kind of fascinated by you, because you were so different than most of the other kids in the class. You were smart, funny, and not at all stuck in that desperate attempt at femininity that the other girls were.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Nikki
The Non-Fire
2008-06-08 05:23:00 I woke up this morning and wandered into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. For some reason, I kept the old, wet grounds that were languishing in the french press from the day before and added only one scoop of new grounds. I knew that this process was going to end up making terrible coffee, but part of my brain told me to keep going with it. I even promised myself that I would not admit to the Palinode that I was reusing the scungy grounds from yesterday's coffee.Sometimes, especially when I first wake up in the morning, my brain doesn't work properly, and I end up doing things that are both unreasonable and unnecessary. This is how I have ended up with different kinds of deodorant in each armpit or transporting a rock from my street across town in my pocket on the way to work. It goes something like this: one day, my brain says You must butter only the edges of your toast this morning, and then I do just that, eat only the edges, and throw away the middle. Oh, were you l... More About: Fire
50x365 #260: Joe E.
2008-06-07 23:37:00 When your daughter ran away at fourteen to live with me in a basement suite, you behaved in your slow and calm way. You and your wife invited me to supper, got to know me, and pulled out your comic book collection. Thank you for treating your daughter with dignity.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Bhangra Dancing Makes Me Happy
2008-06-06 22:03:00 Muqabala 2007:Mr. Bean does a bhangra dance:contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Dancing , Happy
50x365 #259: Dolores R.
2008-06-06 21:05:00 You were a small spot of calm and reason in a chaotic environment. When I visited you at your desk, you were always such a great supporter of the changes that were happening in my life. By your acknowledgement of me, you gave me permission to step into my life.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Dolores
Buy This Book
2008-06-06 04:42:00 I bought Let's Learn How to Help Ourselves and Others, which was written by Odette Umurerwa and illustrated by Jen Lemen. Jen addressed the envelope, in what has become her trademark manner, to "The amazing Schmutzie". I have ordered a few things from her Etsy shop, and I am absolutely going to continue buying whatever she has to sell, because my ego loves it when I get mail that tells me I am amazing.Let's Learn How to Help Ourselves and Others is the story of Odette and her brother, Innocent, when they were refugees in Uganda. The children where they were had very little and could not even afford to go to school, so Odette and her brother, at the young ages of seven and nine, decided to start a cooperative with the other children. They shared what chickens they had, sold the eggs at market, and then the children pooled the money amongst themselves so that they could buy things like clothing and pencils and afford to go to school.I had the desire to share the book right from ... More About: Book
50x365 #258: K. L.
2008-06-05 21:53:00 Your alcoholism coupled with bipolar disorder was tragic. You would go from zero to spontaneous smash poet /angry man looking for an argument / wet mess of suicidal sorrow within an hour, making a mockery of your friendships. You went to Alcoholics Anonymous and dried out. I hope you're still there.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Awards!
2008-06-05 00:17:00 I have been favoured with TWO awards. I am a rock star today.The first award was given to me for being voted the most favourite quote in March. The quote is about an incident that was embarrassing at the time, but I can live with that if glue accidents can make you famous:"... I glued myself to a tacky Christmas ornament at work in July and spent two hours trying to help customers without letting on that my right-handed self had a ceramic puppy driving a choo-choo train glued to her right hand."Thanks, Blogtations!This second award was bestowed upon me by Average Jane, and it originated from Emila's Illustrated Blog.The participation rules are simple:1. If you have received this award, write a post with links to all the blogs that you love.2. Link to Emila's original award post so that others can easily find the source of the award.This one's easy. Go to my blogroll and visit everyone there twice. So, everyone on my blogroll, grab that badge and love some people up.Thanks, ... More About: Awards
50x365 #257: Jan C.
More articles from this author:2008-06-04 19:59:00 Are you dating anyone, she asked.Yes.Have you slept with him?No. I was startled. I?d just met her.Why not? Don?t you like him?Yeah.Then sleep with him. You should do it tonight.Tonight?Report back to me and let me know if it was any good.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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