Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie is the thirty-something writer, photographer, and designer of Milkmoney or Not, a personal weblog that has been running since August 2003. Articles
50x365 #175: Tracey W.
2008-03-14 17:20:00 Out of our friends, you were the cute, petite one with the quirky hair. I lost track of you after graduation, and when I saw you again, you were old and tired-looking. I remember thinking about what a child I still was and the mystery of getting there from here.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Tracey
Gabriel Diani and Etta Devine's "Girl's Night Out"
2008-03-14 01:34:00 I always hated dating. I am much more the sleep-together-immediately kind with the snappy pretty-much-shack-up-right-away follow-up. You?(via raymitheminx)Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Night , Gabriel
50x365 #174: Jim H.
2008-03-13 17:51:00 I had a huge intellectual crush on you when you taught my university class, History Of The Americas. For the first time, I gave a damn about history, but that was due more to your dramatic stories about living in a South American jungle than your lectures on Jesuit influence.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
50x365 #173: Gordon S.
2008-03-12 19:46:00 I stayed away whenever you came over for beer with my father. Even while you laughed, I could feel your cold disconnection from other humans. When I found out you beat your family at night, it broke my heart that my friend, your son, had to live with your violence.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Gordon
And, Lo! I Have A Spirit Animal.
2008-03-11 18:52:00 About two or three weeks ago, I stood outside the pub, fighting a cold breeze to light a cigarette. I needed to get out of an awkward discussion I was having inside and had found the ice crystals that hung in the air calmed my lip twitch. The crystals tickled my cheeks as they landed against my skin. Recent anxiety had made the corner of my mouth jumpy.I was about to head back inside when a slight woman appeared to the right of me. I was sure she was not there a second before, but by then I had already had a couple of pints of beer, so I was probably a little less observant.Hello, she said. Her voice was quiet and light.Hi. Have we met? I asked.No. I'm R, she said.I'm Schmutzie.She was looking intently at my face and the space around my head.Do you have a spirit animal? she asked, staring at a spot in the air about three inches away from and above my right temple.If I do, I don't know what it is, I said. I am neither here nor there when it comes to things like spirit anima... More About: Animal , Spirit
50x365 #172: S. B.
2008-03-11 16:28:00 I am awed by the courage you have shown in your life. From what was an exceedingly difficult childhood, you have navigated through marriage, single motherhood, and psychological illness with honesty and guts. You inspire me to be a better person not only for myself but for those around me.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
A Meme For Shameless Self-Promotion
2008-03-11 03:32:00 Heidi from eRamblings has tagged me for a meme, which is excellent, because my brain is benumbed by the sinus medication I had to use to to counteract the effects of a less-than-delightful chemical bath that someone decided to douse themselves with in an effort to smell like an embalmer's wet dream. I did not know that one had to smell like three thousand dying flowers to pick up a card at the post office.Oh, yeah, and then I thoughtlessly threw some whiskey on top the sinus meds. Oops.The meme's rules:1. Go through your archives and link to five of your favourite posts that you have written. · Link one must be a post about family. · Link two must be a post about friends. · Link three must be a post about yourself. · Link four must be a post about something you love. · Link five can be a post about anything you choose.2. Tag five other people to do this meme. Two of them must be people you... More About: Meme , Promotion
50x365 #171: Donata
2008-03-10 19:17:00 Your mother only allowed you to listen to CBC?s classical music station and to wear the whitest socks at all times, even with sandals. When I found out you were adopted, I felt bad for you. I bet your biological mother would?ve let you at least listen to soft rock.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
Hysterical Domesticity
2008-03-10 05:25:00 The Palinode at lunch yesterday.I have been in serious nesting mode lately. I spend my days plotting which laundry I will do first and wondering if the picture in the hallway will look better in the living room above the imaginary couch we do not own.I have secretly smelled the towels in the bathroom cupboard, because they are there and clean and, you know, in the cupboard, where people normally keep towels. Mmmmm, towels in a cupboard. It is an assurance of domestic rightness to have them folded and layered together in a stack.Sunlight shines through the Palinode's flexible keyboard.Isn't this nesting thing what pregnant women do? And female cats? I have not had a uterus since last July due to cervical cancer. What am I nesting for? More cats?My aunt's border collie was never spayed, and she occasionally goes through an hysterical pregnancy. She steals all of my cousin's small stuffed animals one by one, lies them in a line beneath a desk, and lies there with them as th...
50x365 #170: Marcelle, My Mother's Hairdresser
2008-03-09 23:20:00 You did my hair the way my mother had directed years before, which meant a perm like Little Orphan Annie. One time, though, I came alone, and you gave me a tight, red-dyed perm so I looked like Mick Hucknall from Simply Red. You winked when it was done.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
Those Situationists Had It Going On
2008-03-09 06:00:00 Down with a world in which the guarantee that we will not die of starvation has been purchased with the guarantee that we will die of boredom (Situationist graffiti, 1967)I came across this quote today, and[Pause. Go ahead. Grab a coffee. Take a bathroom break. This goes on for about fifteen minutes.]Obviously, I meant to write I came across this quote today, and IT ATE MY BRAIN. I should not be allowed to read quotes like that at a time of year when I am already fantasizing about doing things like taking up jazz flute, quitting my job, and making a living selling clothing and accessories made out of recycled neckties in a touristy hippie town on the west coast somewhere.I read those words and thought, Holy crap, that situationist was SO right. I need to go live in a one-room cabin in the woods, grow my own vegetables, buy a goat, and name it Daphne.I do not really know what I would do with a goat, because I could never kill the thing. I guess I could milk it, but that whole ...
50x365 #169: Catherine M.
2008-03-08 20:29:00 You were a strange, flaky, creative woman who always seemed to be jumping from idea to idea. At one point you wanted to instigate a semi-nomadic yurt colony on the riverbank. Sadly, last I saw you, though, you were living with your mother and drunk most of the time.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Catherine
My Lunch And Why It Was Less Than Good
2008-03-07 20:53:00 I am presently eating a vegetable stirfry with extra vegetables. The guy at the counter said What would you like?, and I said I would like broccoli, carrots, bell peppers, baby corn, onions, and more broccoli, and then he went ahead and gave me broccoli, carrots, carrots, baby corn, carrots, one piece of celery, carrots, 3 strips of bell pepper, carrots, and no onions, because he was talking to this man who was a professor of Philosophy who could not decide if the szechuan sauce was quite right or if he wanted his stirfry with the orange ginger sauce.Professor Of Philosophy actually had patches on the elbows of his corduroy jacket.And then the man on the other side of me started yelling in Chinese with a woman behind the counter. I have nothing against Chinese, but I do have a lot against having a stranger yell in my ear, and they did that until it was too late to tell Stirfry Cook that I was going to turn orange from a beta-carotene overdose if he did not pay more attention to me... More About: Lunch , Good
50x365 #168: Stan
2008-03-07 17:16:00 Three times you have described for me how it was to pick wild raspberries after a frost with their insides nearly crystalline, how sweet they became in that cold, and how they slid down your throat and left pink stains on your fingers and chin. Once, we were all children.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
Do You Think Jabba The Hut Would Do Chenille?
2008-03-06 16:50:00 Today is a day in which Bitch uncoils herself from my within my chest, swells up through my throat, and declares Feck off, all of yous!I am doing my best to remain calm, but I am caught up in my annual early spring irritation, which begins right after the first sign of thaw and the disappointing re-freeze that follows it. I want out: out of the office, out of my apartment, out of the city, out of every last thing that places and schedules me into a pattern. I am fifteen (in spirit) and fed up with The Man. Let's go smoke a carton of cigarettes and steal your dad's gin.People keep coming up and talking to me, because I am normally a very nice person, but I can tell that I am being a bit off-putting today. I can feel my aggression rising, and suddenly my voice is too forceful, too loud, and I am saying black every time they say white. Could I be any more the three-year old who has been denied candy? You are talking to me, and can't you see that my brain is twisted wire wool r...
50x365 #167: Andrea L.
2008-03-06 16:00:00 I kept my distance, because I found your clothing, glasses, and behaviour annoyingly nerdy. What I?ve realized years later is that I had the exact same clothes and glasses as you, and you were actually the nicest kid in my class. The truth is, I wanted to be someone else.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Andrea
50x365 #166: Dr. Klym
2008-03-05 18:42:00 You know how bad you felt when you forgot your artwork at kindergarten? But you slowly got over it? That?s what adoption?s like, she said.Blink. Blink blink blink.What? I asked, and then I thought, You heinous, lying, self-righteous bitch.I walked out of her office and never returned.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
An Alphabetic List Of Colours And My Resulting Recollections
2008-03-04 23:21:00 Azure: Down the hill from our cabin, there was a small bridge that led to a dock that led to an inlet on the Bermudian shore. As soon as our feet hit the wood, the water grew turbulent with all kinds of tropical fish from gigantic groupers to tiny clowns clammering for the bread they suspected we had.Black: I bought a bottle of black chinese ink at a local grocery with which to affect age on tin foil for a project I was developing. It smelled strongly of both rubber and gasoline and stained my fingertips for days to come. That bottle sits in a drawer unopened since that first use, because its strange chemical smell frightens me a little.Charcoal: I found a chunk of lightweight rock in our front yard that left sooty marks on my hands. Is this a meteor? I asked, because I had just heard of meteors in school. It used to be a star, my mother said. I hid it beneath a juniper and came back to touch it every day, marvelling at the idea that, in the expanse of the universe, I would ... More About: Colours , List , Alphabetic
50x365 #165: John Paul From The Fifth Grade
2008-03-04 17:40:00 At a time when two girls had convinced an entire grade to shun me, you actually spoke to me. It was passable, because we were both so low on the social ladder, but even the guy who smelled ignored me, so I was elated when we laughed together. Thank you.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: John , Paul
I Could Always Dream About The Seaspray Laundry
2008-03-04 02:52:00 When I first moved to Cityville, my present place of residence, I was looking for work, but because I was undereducated with no local references, each possible employer looked at me skeptically over the top of my resume. It made me feel vaguely criminal. So, I found myself perusing the classified ads for jobs that I would never before have considered. One that stood out in particular for me was an ad to work as a presser at the Seaspray Laundry .Seaspray. That word conjured up sea foam green and vintage washers and white or blue work smocks. I knew that I would need to invest in a pair of horn-rimmed glasses if I worked there, and that my knee socks would be rumpled down on top of a pair of very modest, leather, lace-up shoes.I never did realize the romance of the Seaspray, though, because I ended up getting a job selling cell phones over the telephone to people in New York, New Jersey, and California. I hated phone sales. I sat in a cubicle that was so small I could touch the... More About: Dream
To-Do List
2008-03-04 01:22:00 I knew that there was something I forgot to add to my to-do list!(via I, Asshole)I am a participant in Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: List
50x365 #164: Mrs. Hepner
2008-03-04 00:32:00 You taught me organ for two years in group lessons with kids who largely lacked aptitude. You understood my frustration and suggested I skip two class levels, but I had no passion for it and quit anyway. You understood that, too, and assured me I'd find something I really loved.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
Arm Warmers? Fingerless Gloves? Wrist Sweaters? You Decide.
2008-03-03 05:44:00 I am knitting arm warmers/fingerless gloves/wrist sweaters/multi-holed appendage tubes this weekend. They have the look of utility while not being truly necessary in a world in which both sweaters and gloves exist.They make the muscles in my hands ache when I knit them.But look! I am ever so toasty while wearing them. And they have the power to make me automatically cool. If my knitting fixation continues, you may see ones much like these in an Etsy shop near you in the near future. These particular babies are all mine, though.What would you call them?I am a participant in Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Sweaters , Gloves
50x365 #163: Ms. Martin, Grade Four Teacher
2008-03-02 18:02:00 When I was being taken for hearing and intelligence tests to figure out why I couldn't pick up on what was happening in class, you still treated me like a talented child and took extra time to read my writing. You made me believe it was okay to be different.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Teacher , Martin
Garfield Minus Garfield
2008-03-01 21:13:00 After watching the Palinode cry and fall over repeatedly while reading through this link I sent him, I decided that I would be committing a great injustice if I did not share this goodness with you all: Garfield Minus Garfield.I am a participant in Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
50x365 #162: Robert
2008-03-01 20:38:00 You wore a biker jacket with a marijuana plant hand-painted on the back. You were going to marry on the top of a mountain. You peed standing up at the sink. You surfed the couch for weeks on your way through town. You smelled like underarms and bread mould.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Robert
50x365 #161: Jessica
2008-03-01 06:55:00 You seemed nice and were cute in an off-beat kind of way, but then you decided to hold up doughnut shops. What was up with that? You were a middle-class kid with no serious drug addiction to speak of. Was it the romance that suburbans read into desperation?I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy! More About: Jessica
Goodbye Purse, Hello Award
2008-02-29 20:10:00 I heard the telephone ringing just as I was getting into the shower this morning, to which I thought Fuh. Kew., because the telephone is almost never a bearer of good news. The telephone brings people from India who try to convince me that I have won an all-expenses paid trip to Cuba if only I will let them steal my credit card number and French-Canadian girls who ask in broken english Please to imagine that you have our shopping card, and then there are those annoying calls made through Skype that garble the sound and cut me off just as I am beginning to understand who it is exactly that is calling me from Thailand, or was that Toronto? Plus, it was 6:30 a.m., and no one ever calls that early just to let you know that they are thinking of you.After my shower, the telephone started ringing again, which made me feel obligated to find out what the horrible thing was that I obviously needed to know while I was dripping wet.The horrible thing that I obviously needed to know while I wa... More About: Award , Goodbye
50x365 #157: Eleanor C.
More articles from this author:2008-02-25 20:11:00 I loved watching you. You were aggressive, funny, intelligent, and an off-beat attractive that included red hair, funky glasses, and a wash of orange freckles. I might have said hello to you only once because I was shy, but you showed me how to stand with my shoulders squared.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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