Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come

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50x365 #188: Heather F.
2008-03-28 02:55:00
We knew each other through a mutual friend. You were always bubbly and full of good humour, but the last time I saw you, you were tired, resigned. You seemed defeated rather than excited about your job and your upcoming marriage. I hope the last ten years have been kind.I am a participant in x365.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.

50x365 #187: Christina C.
2008-03-27 02:36:00
When you asked me to play, I was thrilled. You were popular, pretty, and didn't usually acknowledge me. You had a shovel in your sandbox that worked by crank. I only played with it for a few minutes when it literally fell to pieces. Our hour-long friendship went south.I am a participant in x365.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.
More About: Christina

Discrete
2008-03-26 20:48:00
The sun shines in the morning now, even at 7:30.I am not sure what keeps dragging me back.Memory is shifty at the best of times. Sit down with a group of friends that you have known for years and bring up that time at the lake. Ask each of them to relate a particular incident in their own words. No two stories will be quite the same. The characters, the background, the emotions, and the conversation remembered will all be different. Life is in the eye of the beholder.I slip back into memory so easily. I can smell a person's coat, I remember the feel of curtains between my fingers, there is the click of women's heels on linoleum that was put down in the 1950s. It is hard to turn away from things that are always within arm's reach.Right now, I am in the girls' bathroom in the basement of my grandparents' church in their hometown of 150 people. It is 1984. The floor is covered in a layer of plastic meant to resemble brown pebbles, and the walls are whitewashed cement. The...

50x365 #186: Thane M.
2008-03-26 05:04:00
After our original teacher left with terminal cancer, we got a new one. I loved her, but you were constantly taunting her. It was impossible for everyone. One day, you went too far, and she snapped. She broke a yard stick over your head. She never taught grade five again.I am a participant in x365.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.

Interspecies Love
2008-03-25 16:02:00
Has the old world ended and the new world begun, just like the Bible forecasts? Because if so, that means I have survived the apocalypse, the Bible is true, and the lion is lying down with the lamb the kitten is lying down with the baby chicks.This video just about converted me. I said Just About*. I'm not about to test my immortality to find out.(via Cute Overload)Who isn't moved by a cat that apparently harbours butt budgies?* Nope, no converting here. I just bought four panels of curtains almost solely based on the fact that they were on sale for $6.66 apiece.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.
More About: Love

50x365 #185: Mel
2008-03-24 18:56:00
When you found out that I'd had an abortion, too, you clung to me. You told me how you were there for me during this horrific time; you knew the deep toll it took. Your gross assumptions both angered me and made me sad for you. I had few regrets.I am a participant in x365.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.

Notes On Today
2008-03-24 05:18:00
Our african violet still flourishes beneath its coat of cat hair and brown sugar.I watched from the balcony as people left their houses and apartments with food, easter baskets, and bottles of alcohol under their arms. They were each of them alone, going somewhere else.Just when I thought there was nothing left with which to wipe our bottoms, I found a roll of paper towel under the sink, and it has proved soft enough. This seems like a silly worry, especially in light of the fact that many people today are remembering a man who was skewered by nails and mounted on wood.When I went out to the balcony a second time to sip my fresh coffee and watch the monstrous crow across the street sway on high, spindly branches, there were young parents in the street counselling their children with demands of Don't run! and Be good! and Get out of that puddle! I thought about how the children I will not have might have worn yellow rubber boots.I remembered how my old cat, Pepper, used to stay o...
More About: Today , Notes

50x365 #184: L. Edelman
2008-03-24 04:29:00
I had an awful job selling cell phone plans to people in New York, and although you never wanted a plan, we spoke every day. You tried to fix me up with your son, the dawk-tah, and you shared your pain over your daughter's accident. I still miss you.I am a participant in x365.This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.

Creme Egg - Mouse Trap: Special Edition
2008-03-23 21:02:00
(via Miftik)This site needs a new laptop. Help me do it! See site for details.
More About: Special , Mouse , Special Edition , Trap , Edition

Who Said I Could Have Krazy Glue?
2008-03-23 05:35:00
Who said I could have Krazy Glue? Well, I did, of course, because I am an adult after all, but, as an adult, I should have better sense by now than to let myself use Krazy Glue.There were six commas in that last sentence. No, I will not change it. I am actually kind of fascinated with my ability to bandy about commas to the tune of one comma for every 4.67 words. I am sure that I could inflict far more comma-heaviness on you, but this is not about commas. This is about Krazy Glue.I own a bracelet that has these smooth red stones framed in silver. When I arrived at work the other day, one of the stones had fallen out of one of the frames, which I simply could not abide. Since I had bought the bracelet off a table from a vendor that was travelling through town, I could not take it back for replacement, so I decided that I would fix it myself and went out and bought some Krazy Glue over my lunch hour.It started out well enough, as all matters with Krazy Glue start out. I had so...

50x365 #183: Brent P.
2008-03-22 20:59:00
It was so strange that we became friends, what with the combination of your love of all things dolphins, vegan, pyramids, astral travel, meditation, incense, vibrations, and bongos. I was newly uprooted from the claustrophobia of Mennonite circles, so you were a freakish breath of fresh air I sorely needed.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Brent

New Masthead
2008-03-22 03:21:00
Do you see that new masthead I have installed at the top of this website? If not, refresh your browser or actually make with the clickety and head on over from your feed reader to take a look.See? It's birds. I drew them in Photoshop using nothing more than the touchpad on my laptop, so it was hard to add any smaller details like, you know, wings. I am sure that it's okay, though. I don't think they're going anywhere.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!

50x365 #182: Bob J.
2008-03-22 00:00:00
You spent your time hiding in the garage or simply absent. You and your wife were never in the same room. Although your demeanor was quiet and a little gruff, you occasionally took the time to dazzle us with your ability to pick our bike locks and tie impossible knots.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!

There Is No Future In This Architecture
2008-03-20 22:19:00
I am one of those people who does not own a car. Neither does the Palinode. Our childlessness and lack of shopping lust makes a car seem like an extremely expensive child. The huge expense of energy - personal, financial, and planetary - that goes into the care and feeding of cars stresses me out just to think about it. When my co-workers were shocked at the cost of my monthly bus pass, I pointed out that they spend that much just to park their cars at work every month, and that is if they do not count all the nickle-and-diming when they pay for parking when they leave their neighbourhoods.Don't get the wrong idea. I am not on some soapbox to eradicate cars. If the Palinode and I had children to ferry about or had to commute to work, a car would make more sense, but hundreds of dollars a month spent on car payments, gas, parking, and general upkeep just seems insane when we can go to work and do our shopping fairly locally.This car-free style of living means that I take the c...
More About: Architecture , Future

50x365 #181: Wolf
2008-03-20 18:37:00
We met at a non-profit at which we both volunteered. You said you were from Germany.Vee haff ay bottle uff vine berried in our bassment in Germany.Really?Yaw, it hass been dare one hundret years.That?s all you ever said about yourself. I thought you were a spy.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Wolf

Things I Have Found I Love Now That Spring Weather Has Become Apparent
2008-03-20 03:53:00
1.  The absolute nakedness of pale women's legs that have been freshly shaved for spring skirts.2.  Coins found around parking meters after the drifts of snow have melted away.3.  Seeing weather-inappropriate clothing worn by people who have taken the first opportunity to show skin without fear of frostbite.4.  Dirty gutters awash with the detritus of last autumn's leaves, cigarette butts, and worn bits of paper.5.  Open windows.6.  The pain in my eyes when I step from a building into sunlight, because the sun is finally high enough in the sky.7.  Hearing water rushing through the grates at the curb.8.  Tiny shots of green pushing through a crust of melting ice.9.  The wet stamp my shoes leave on the cement after walking through a puddle.10.  Feeling my hair grow hot on top of my head.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Weather , Love , Spring , Things

50x365 #180: Sid
2008-03-19 16:18:00
When I met you, you were working at an Education degree, and then you were writing bad poetry for a girl you loved and lost, and then you were a construction worker, and then you were living off the land, fishing for food and shooting moose, up north. And now?I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!

Michael Jackson + A Trained Walrus = Wowzers
2008-03-18 22:15:00
(via Sweet Melissa)Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Michael Jackson , Michael , Jackson , Trained

50x365 #179: Harold
2008-03-18 16:58:00
I found a badly mangled bird that was left to suffer a long death.Can I borrow a shovel? I asked you.Sure, you said, handing over an old, rusty, wooden-handled spade.After I returned it, all you asked was that I clean the blood and feathers off next time.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Harold

If I Remained Unconscious, I Would Be Brilliant
2008-03-17 20:39:00
On Saturday morning, I woke up wondering who had replaced my brain with that of a person who had not drunk herself into oblivion with Greeneggsandtam the night before, because the brain I woke up with was doing some philosophizing hitherto unseen around these parts after much beer and wanton drooling onto the pillows.The reason for my confusion was this:The last of my dreams was nothing but the sound of my own voice delivering a lecture that was an explanation of humankind's fondness for symmetry. My dream-self postulated that symmetrical images could be repeated endlessly without break, a visual eternity of sameness, and I extrapolated that the symmetry we often seek in human beauty is at least partially spawned by the desire to see ourselves within the context of the infinite rather than that of our finite physical lives. I concluded that our desire for symmetry, both in object and in human form, drew from the same well as our desire to seek the divine.And then, I snapped awake...
More About: Brilliant

50x365 #178: T. Wing
2008-03-17 18:14:00
You owned a restaurant, until an arsonist burnt it down, and then became a cooking teacher at a local college. The funny thing was that you couldn?t make Kraft Dinner or Rice Krispies squares. You somehow always managed to serve gritty orange mush and pale bricks we hit with hammers.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Wing

50x365 #177: B. Radar
2008-03-17 05:21:00
Secretly, I'd watched you for months. Others thought you rough, but I never saw you other than quiet. You brought a tape to art class on a Tuesday and played ?Radar Love?. Then, you rewound it and played it again. It was the only conversation I ever saw you have.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!

Twitter In Plain English
2008-03-16 05:12:00
I loves me some Twitter .Twitter? you say. What's Twitter?It's a vice, that's what.If you are new to Twitter, check out "Twitter 101" by Aimee at Greeblemonkey.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: English , Plain

50x365 #176: Diesel
2008-03-16 04:12:00
We knew your relationship was suffering, so when she was out, we dropped in to see how you were. You were so depressed that you could barely lift your head let alone clear the garbage that covered every surface that you didn't occupy. I hope you've found love since then.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Diesel

An Open Letter To Festering Sore
2008-03-14 19:12:00
Dear Festering Sore (née Deep Pimple):I have to admit that I thought you were pretty cool at first. I could feel the pressure of your new growth under the skin next to my nose, and I had that excited feeling I get whenever I anticipate something I enjoy.I know that happily anticipating the growth of a deep, infected zit may sound odd, but I really do enjoy the satisfaction that comes from squeezing out all the junk after one of you has risen to full pus capacity. So, really, I was only excited to see you because I knew that I would eventually murder you.It is not a sweet life into which you are born, and for that, I am sorry.But that was way back in the days when you were known as Deep Pimple. Now, as butterflies transmogrify from caterpillars, you are known as Festering Sore, and I am much less crazy about you. There is no gleeful waiting, fingers tented, searching each morning for that telltale yellow head. No. Now, you are no more than a peeling scab, a peeling scab w...
More About: Open , Letter , Open Letter

50x365 #175: Tracey W.
2008-03-14 17:20:00
Out of our friends, you were the cute, petite one with the quirky hair. I lost track of you after graduation, and when I saw you again, you were old and tired-looking. I remember thinking about what a child I still was and the mystery of getting there from here.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Tracey

Gabriel Diani and Etta Devine's "Girl's Night Out"
2008-03-14 01:34:00
I always hated dating. I am much more the sleep-together-immediately kind with the snappy pretty-much-shack-up-right-away follow-up. You?(via raymitheminx)Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Night , Gabriel

50x365 #174: Jim H.
2008-03-13 17:51:00
I had a huge intellectual crush on you when you taught my university class, History Of The Americas. For the first time, I gave a damn about history, but that was due more to your dramatic stories about living in a South American jungle than your lectures on Jesuit influence.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!

50x365 #173: Gordon S.
2008-03-12 19:46:00
I stayed away whenever you came over for beer with my father. Even while you laughed, I could feel your cold disconnection from other humans. When I found out you beat your family at night, it broke my heart that my friend, your son, had to live with your violence.I am a participant in x365.Check out Schmutzie on Etsy!
More About: Gordon

And, Lo! I Have A Spirit Animal.
2008-03-11 18:52:00
About two or three weeks ago, I stood outside the pub, fighting a cold breeze to light a cigarette. I needed to get out of an awkward discussion I was having inside and had found the ice crystals that hung in the air calmed my lip twitch. The crystals tickled my cheeks as they landed against my skin. Recent anxiety had made the corner of my mouth jumpy.I was about to head back inside when a slight woman appeared to the right of me. I was sure she was not there a second before, but by then I had already had a couple of pints of beer, so I was probably a little less observant.Hello, she said. Her voice was quiet and light.Hi. Have we met? I asked.No. I'm R, she said.I'm Schmutzie.She was looking intently at my face and the space around my head.Do you have a spirit animal? she asked, staring at a spot in the air about three inches away from and above my right temple.If I do, I don't know what it is, I said. I am neither here nor there when it comes to things like spirit anima...
More About: Animal , Spirit