Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come Schmutzie is the thirty-something writer, photographer, and designer of Milkmoney or Not, a personal weblog that has been running since August 2003. Articles
Wes Bentley Is A Laughing Buddha, or How I Got To Go To BlogHer And Remembe
2008-06-08 21:46:00 That picture to the left there is one I took of Mr. Wes Bentley . You might remember him as Ricky Fitts from "American Beauty" or as Blackheart from "Ghost Rider". I remember him from the patio at a local pub where he hung out with us plebs and bought a round of beer. When the Palinode pointed him out and said That guy's a dead ringer for Wes Bentley , I said He sure is, and then it turned out that he actually was Wes Bentley, and we went back to our drinking, because in Saskatchewan, Canada, we tend to be fairly relaxed about fame. Mischa Barton of "The O.C." fame was at that same pub on another night, and I did not see a single person go up to shake her hand, but then, in that situation, I think her leopard print stretch pants were a little bit offputting.On Wednesday evening, I saw Wes again, and because I had neglected to thank him properly for the round he had bought the other night, I motioned him over as he walked by my table so that I could shake his hand. Really, I just... More About: Buddha , Laughing
50x365 #261: Nikki
2008-06-08 19:54:00 You were the new kid in grade eight, and I was kind of fascinated by you, because you were so different than most of the other kids in the class. You were smart, funny, and not at all stuck in that desperate attempt at femininity that the other girls were.I am a participant in x365 and Blog 365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Nikki
The Non-Fire
2008-06-08 05:23:00 I woke up this morning and wandered into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. For some reason, I kept the old, wet grounds that were languishing in the french press from the day before and added only one scoop of new grounds. I knew that this process was going to end up making terrible coffee, but part of my brain told me to keep going with it. I even promised myself that I would not admit to the Palinode that I was reusing the scungy grounds from yesterday's coffee.Sometimes, especially when I first wake up in the morning, my brain doesn't work properly, and I end up doing things that are both unreasonable and unnecessary. This is how I have ended up with different kinds of deodorant in each armpit or transporting a rock from my street across town in my pocket on the way to work. It goes something like this: one day, my brain says You must butter only the edges of your toast this morning, and then I do just that, eat only the edges, and throw away the middle. Oh, were you l... More About: Fire
50x365 #260: Joe E.
2008-06-07 23:37:00 When your daughter ran away at fourteen to live with me in a basement suite, you behaved in your slow and calm way. You and your wife invited me to supper, got to know me, and pulled out your comic book collection. Thank you for treating your daughter with dignity.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Bhangra Dancing Makes Me Happy
2008-06-06 22:03:00 Muqabala 2007:Mr. Bean does a bhangra dance:contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Dancing , Happy
50x365 #259: Dolores R.
2008-06-06 21:05:00 You were a small spot of calm and reason in a chaotic environment. When I visited you at your desk, you were always such a great supporter of the changes that were happening in my life. By your acknowledgement of me, you gave me permission to step into my life.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Dolores
Buy This Book
2008-06-06 04:42:00 I bought Let's Learn How to Help Ourselves and Others, which was written by Odette Umurerwa and illustrated by Jen Lemen. Jen addressed the envelope, in what has become her trademark manner, to "The amazing Schmutzie". I have ordered a few things from her Etsy shop, and I am absolutely going to continue buying whatever she has to sell, because my ego loves it when I get mail that tells me I am amazing.Let's Learn How to Help Ourselves and Others is the story of Odette and her brother, Innocent, when they were refugees in Uganda. The children where they were had very little and could not even afford to go to school, so Odette and her brother, at the young ages of seven and nine, decided to start a cooperative with the other children. They shared what chickens they had, sold the eggs at market, and then the children pooled the money amongst themselves so that they could buy things like clothing and pencils and afford to go to school.I had the desire to share the book right from ... More About: Book
50x365 #258: K. L.
2008-06-05 21:53:00 Your alcoholism coupled with bipolar disorder was tragic. You would go from zero to spontaneous smash poet /angry man looking for an argument / wet mess of suicidal sorrow within an hour, making a mockery of your friendships. You went to Alcoholics Anonymous and dried out. I hope you're still there.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Awards!
2008-06-05 00:17:00 I have been favoured with TWO awards. I am a rock star today.The first award was given to me for being voted the most favourite quote in March. The quote is about an incident that was embarrassing at the time, but I can live with that if glue accidents can make you famous:"... I glued myself to a tacky Christmas ornament at work in July and spent two hours trying to help customers without letting on that my right-handed self had a ceramic puppy driving a choo-choo train glued to her right hand."Thanks, Blogtations!This second award was bestowed upon me by Average Jane, and it originated from Emila's Illustrated Blog.The participation rules are simple:1. If you have received this award, write a post with links to all the blogs that you love.2. Link to Emila's original award post so that others can easily find the source of the award.This one's easy. Go to my blogroll and visit everyone there twice. So, everyone on my blogroll, grab that badge and love some people up.Thanks, ... More About: Awards
50x365 #257: Jan C.
2008-06-04 19:59:00 Are you dating anyone, she asked.Yes.Have you slept with him?No. I was startled. I?d just met her.Why not? Don?t you like him?Yeah.Then sleep with him. You should do it tonight.Tonight?Report back to me and let me know if it was any good.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
I Has A Mosaic
2008-06-04 04:13:00 The concept:1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab's Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.The questions:1. What is your first name?2. What is your favorite food? right now?3. What high school did you go to?4. What is your favorite color?5. Who is your celebrity crush?6. What is your favourite drink?7. What is your dream vacation?8. What is your favourite dessert?9. What do you want to be when you grow up?10. What do you love most in life?11. What is one word that describes you?12. What is your flickr name?(via Ice Cream Is Nice Cream)contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
50x365 #256: Wendy S.
2008-06-03 19:55:00 You seemed like the quintessence of the stereotypical suburban girl: you were blonde, petite, smart, and took ballet classes. In late high school, you slit your wrists, and no one knew what to say about it. You had always been such a placid pool of perfection. Maybe that was it.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Wendy
50x365 #255: Laverne
2008-06-03 06:03:00 You wore shirts that had snap buttons with pockets that smelled of tobacco and ball caps that were always pulled down just right in the sun. Those two things made me feel like home, but it was when we sang "Sipping Soda" together that I felt as though I shone.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
The First Honestly Beautiful Saturday Afternoon In 2008 In Pictures
2008-06-02 18:57:00 One of these things is not like the other.That_Girl rocks the hotness.In an alternate universe,she is a six-year-old kid at the pool.This is his alternate universe.La femme fatale is felt up from a distance. No tiny bicycles were swallowedby butts in the making of these photos.She is a cute-ay patoot-ay.The Palinode blows bubbles. He is also a cute-ay patoot-ay.He impersonates a mad scientist/swimmer/six-year-oldwith hypertrichosis.Yes, looking at ketchup can be a religious experience,especially when you've been drinking in the hot sun. I think my camera is in love with her.And her. Wes Bentley is here doing a movie. He sat with us throughthe afternoon and bought a round of beer. I pretendednot to be the loser taking photographic proof.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Pictures , Beautiful , Saturday , Afternoon , 2008
50x365 #254: Fiorella
2008-06-01 20:21:00 She thinks she's dead.What? I asked.Yeah. She believes she's dead.All I saw was your goth aesthetic. My friend wasn't terribly bright.That'd make her a zombie, I said.No, more like a vampire.I decided that I would meet you, because undead was more interesting than stupid.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
50x365 #253: L. B.
2008-05-31 20:17:00 You were awkward, but your humour and sweetness won out for me, as did your strawberry hair, dusting of freckles, and champagne negligee. One night, I touched your shoulder while we were studying and nearly threw up. I would have done anything to touch you and get away with it.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Snack Food: Tastes Great, Makes You Fat
2008-05-30 23:07:00 I had my first physical exam recently since my hysterectomy last summer. I did not mention the exam here before I went, even though I was worrying about it, because, eventually, some law-of-attraction stuff would have crawled into my comments and e-mail inbox to tell me to think positively lest I attract cancer to myself.At first, the Law of Attraction thing sounds wonderful. It sounds like an empowering idea and one with which I do not completely disagree. I am no expert, so excuse me if I get this a bit wrong, but I am given to understand that the main tenet goes something like this: "You get what you think about, whether wanted or unwanted. The Law of Attraction is neutral".Under this law, we are all walking magnets attracting things into our lives, both good and bad. On the surface, when I am told that I have the power to attract the good and possibly lessen my chance of having the cancer return, that sounds great, but when you dig deeper, that same seemingly encouraging mess... More About: Food , Great , Snack
50x365 #252: Warren
2008-05-30 20:03:00 You and your twin brother were mean, aggressive, and loud, so I don?t know what made Jody and I decide to sneak onto your jungle gym. When you caught us, you dragged me off and punched me in the back of the head while screaming Trespassers get beat up, trespassers!I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Warren
Where The Poems Come From
2008-05-30 06:21:00 One of the more difficult things I find these days is to write. I am drinking coffee and beer simultaneously, throwing wrenches in either direction, trying to pull things one way or the other. Someone told me once that vegetables were a much better way to go, but I find that they work for regularity of a different sort.I am listening to Bonnie Prince Billy's "I Gave You" on repeat. It puts my head inside a poem that almost writes itself in small outbreaks if I don't watch it too closely, but I have the habit of watching what I write.Bonnie Prince Billy: "I Gave You"It is as though there are almost words, which is to say that there is almost a concrete thought, which is to say that my mind is wandering through the trenches. Do people still fight from trenches? I think my brain was salvaged from a purveyor of second-hand war paraphernalia.I used to wear army boots and jackets and shirts with the last names of soldiers permanent-markered inside them in capital letters, and I wou... More About: Poems
50x365 #251: Brenda
2008-05-29 22:26:00 I looked up to you. I marvelled at your individuality and genuineness, and I wanted your chutzpah and brains. At graduation when you saw me cry, you told me you had always looked up to me because I was so strong and that it was strange to see me so vulnerable.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Brenda
Onion's Got A Hidey-Hole
2008-05-29 05:22:00 That cat to the left is Onion. He is approximately just over two years old, revels in being molested with kisses, and is fifteen pounds of fairly stupid.There is not a thing he does that he ever figured out on his own. If we did not already have another cat, Oskar, when we brought Onion home from the pound, he would now be the most foul-smelling cat unable to figure out how push a door open with his head. (He still doesn't know that he can push unlatched doors open with his head and instead stands patiently while looking at you with one eye peering around the edge of the door). Until Oskar schooled him in the true uses of his tongue, Onion was quite content to lick the entire bottom foot of our kitchen while leaving his own body to develop a distinctive stench. We had a very clean oven door back then and one stank-ass cat.Now, thanks to Oskar, we have a clean-smelling Onion, but it has been a trade-off, because Onion has picked up a few other things from Oskar, like how to ope... More About: Hole
50x365 #250: Preetham
2008-05-28 21:27:00 I saw you sitting on a bench at recess looking sad, and I felt compelled to talk to you. You were a fan of Bryan Adams; I hated Bryan Adams. You were Hindu; I was Christian. You were in the eighth grade; I was in seventh. We became fast friends.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
Too Much Information About My Doctor's Appointment
2008-05-28 00:24:00 I went for my six-month post-hysterectomy gynecological exam this morning ten months after my surgery. Oops! My bad. The lateness of my exam is due to a few reasons, most of which boil down to one: it turns out that every doctor I have had since that first one found my abnormal cervical cells back in September 2006 has divulged as little information as possible, especially when asked direct questions, even if it is something as simple as who you are supposed to make appointments with and when after having your fucking cancer carved out.*ahem*I was terrified to go to this appointment today, because my recent history with medicine has taught me to hate it. I used to worry about having swollen tonsils or a yeast infection, but now I worry about cancer and death. As a result, I forgot to breathe during the entire cab ride to the doctor's office and was intoxicated from oxygen deprivation when I walked up to the receptionist's desk. When she asked for my name, I insisted that my ... More About: Information , Too Much Information
50x365 #249: Dara
2008-05-27 23:11:00 You were a miniature Sandra Bernhard, all skinny and mouth and red hair and attitude but eleven and intolerable. I was a late bloomer, so most girls my age turned into big, freaky drama queens I couldn't get. It was probably more me than you that we didn't get along.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search
To A Wedding We Did Go
2008-05-27 07:36:00 We went to a wedding yesterday, and it only took us a forty-five minute taxi ride across town and back and a blood pressure raising fare to get there late. We ended up watching the wedding from the door when we walked in during the middle of the ceremony. Thanks Google Maps! The meter was soaring up to some ridiculous dollar amount when the cabbie finally turned it off out of pity. No one needs to spend fifty dollars on a Sunday to not go to a wedding that Google Maps said was twenty-three dollars in the wrong direction.The last half of the ceremony was lovely, as was the food, the venue, the cake topper pictured above, and the other guests. The place was filled with babies, though. It was rife with them, which meant that I ended up with drool on my hands and cupcake mashed into the knees of my pants. I felt like a big weird freak for a little while there and spent some time eating compulsively with my butt parked in a corner, because all these women were talking about their b... More About: Wedding
50x365 #248: Shannon
2008-05-27 01:03:00 You were declared legally blind when we were in grade two, and the school ordered this device that magnified your books and schoolwork on a television screen. We put our hands under the lens, and you were surprised by all the lines on your palms. You'd never seen them before.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Shannon
50x365 #247: Tracey
2008-05-26 01:00:00 When we decorated Christmas balls in girls' club, yours ended up covered in glue and jagged triangles of black felt. It's a vampire! you said. At Easter, you painted a pooping cow on your egg. We were afraid what you'd do in cooking class, but, thankfully, you skipped that year.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Tracey
50x365 #246: Jody F.
2008-05-25 05:46:00 We dressed up in your parents' old clothing, put on musty wigs, and rang my parents' doorbell. We were impersonating my grandparents. In the photograph my mother took that afternoon, you are grinning wide beneath a red rag of synthetic hair, and I am squinting beneath grey into the sun.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Jody
More With The Cats. I Can't Help Myself.
2008-05-24 01:35:00 This was the first instance in which Onion and Oskar,the two adult males on the right, were able to get within striking rangeof the new kitten without her attempting to hiss them to death.From her original starved state, she has already filled out a bit. It's arelief, because when she first landed in our apartment, her hip bones stuck out.And this is the evidence of what is to come. One day the little runt will grow up like this Oskar here, and she'll shed kitty litter from dirty feet on our books, too. Ain't cats sweet.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: Cats
50x365 #245: James
More articles from this author:2008-05-23 23:17:00 I wanted to be your friend, because you were more intelligent than most of the dorks I knew, but you always looked past me at other girls and talked about them rather than to me. I didn?t want to date, so your insistence on distance was a far deeper hurt.I am a participant in x365.contact | suggestion box | archives | best of | search More About: James 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
 |
|
 |
