Another Day - Another Destiny

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A Well-Earned Rest!
2007-11-25 21:28:00
Yes, I have actually had a well-earned rest - and some pretty useful 'thinking-time' - so even though I haven't been studying much, I still think I have used the time fairly wisely!I studied like crazy last night, until it was time to get ready and go to Sara!! It was so wonderful to see her again - it was ages since we spent time together! I had head that Johanna maybe could come, and I was happy to find her working hard in the kitchen when I arrived! :)We had a really lovely time, with delicious food - a real three-course meal! Pure luxury!! Unfortunately, Johanna had to leave after dinner as she had plans for this morning - but Sara and I sat talking until after 11!!I had such a good time, and after the way things have been lately, I think I really needed that now!! These are people I'm so comfortable together with - for the first time since ... well, for the first time in a very long time!! I can really be myself with them, we laugh at the same jokes, we understand each othe...
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Studies, Studies, Studies!
2007-11-23 23:07:00
Today has been a studying day - unfortunately, I'm completely exhausted, and it feels like I'm not getting anything done! I'm really trying hard to be focused and concentrated and effective, but it still feels like it doesn't amount to anything, like I haven't done anything at all when the day is over! *sigh*I guess I'm not in a bad mood, but it feels kind of hopeless when you feel you really try as hard as you can, and you don't get anything for your trouble! I know I'm probably in over my head right now, and I'm not sure how this semester will end, what will become of the courses I'm supposed to take, but I don't want to give up on it - I still want to try to make it work ... but at the rate it's been going today, it feels like I'll be taking these very same courses in five years time ...Not much else to write about, as I've been burried in books and notes all day!Looking forward to tomorrow night now, when I'll get a study break, I'm going over to Sara for dinner!...
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Good Or Bad Or What?!?!?
2007-11-22 22:00:00
*sigh*I'm thinking of renaming my blog ... "My Life - The Confusing Mess"!Well, maybe it's not that bad - but it certainly feels like that right now!I had a 'big' thing to do this morning (regarding one of the 'issues'), and while I know it really shouldn't have been that big, for some reason, I just felt pure terrible!! I don't think I've had anxiety levels like this in years - it wasn't even as bad as this when I had my oral exam, or when I had all my oral presentations last fall ... not even close!I haven't been able to figure out why it turned out like that - because it really wasn't that big a deal - but I felt soooo awful!!I managed to do what it was I was supposed to do - with a "satisfying result", practically speaking (emotionally it was about as far from satisfying as you can get!!), and it resolved one issue! Unfortunately - again! - it created a number of other issues!!!I'm SO tired of this!!I really tried to "recover" after this experience, by active writin...
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300th Post!
2007-11-21 21:07:00
Wow, 300 posts on this blog! Not bad, huh?!Had an intense day today, lectures - intense at usual - then a quick trip to a mall where I stressed like an idiot to get everything done as soon as possible, so I could take the early bus home and not have to wait for another hour. Still didn't get home until six though! *yawn*My issues at Uni are getting complicated. One sort of solved itself today, but in doing so, it created a few other issues (yes, I know it's very confusing - I'm trying to live through it!!) - so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be happy about that or not!The other big issue might get solved tomorrow - but unfortunately that's all up to me, and I'm not sure if I can cope, so that's certainly something that occupies my mind at the moment!Right now I don't really feel comfortable in discussing these issues further, but hang in there - one of these days I just might feel the need to spill my guts and let you in on the whole thing *lol*!Now I'm going to try to pr...
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Veeery Tired!
2007-11-20 20:55:00
I can't seem to get any energy whatsoever these days unfortunately ... I should need all the energy I can get, but instead it's quite the oposite!!I know it's a 'dark season' (although I actually happen to like it!!) and I know I have so much to do, but I'm still annoyed and frustrated at being so tired all the time!Still having some 'issues' at Uni ... I'm kind of, sort of, maybe hoping to resolve one of them in a few days, but I'm not sure if that will work out at all! The other one is completely out of my hands, so I guess I'm stuck with that one ... *sigh*Also, nothing happening with my eBay thingy! Have sent another email to the seller, but even though I seriously doubt he will reply, I must at least give him the chance to do so, before pressing the Alarm Button! I have decided to give him until Friday, so on Saturday (if no miracle happens and he actually does reply!!) I guess I'll have to take the time to figure out what to do next.Otherwise, nothing exciting to r...
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Can I Turn It Around??
2007-11-19 21:31:00
My bad mood was with me this morning when I woke up, which didn't feel great! Apart from the fact that it's never great to be in a bad mood (duh!), I really felt this could have implications on the day and the week, because I know I tend to be apathic or not handle things great when I feel like that, and I really need to get things working in my life now!But I did manage to turn it around! I don't know how, really, but after water, a large mug of coffee, and episode of Stargate SG-1 and a lot of writing in my diary, I did feel a lot better!! I'm still upset about this whole eBay thing of course, and things at Uni aren't exactly wonderful either, but at least I felt like I could cope with this day!And I coped!! I have actually been in a better mood than I had anticipated tonight, even though I didn't get home until about 6 p.m. (I met my mentor, Rebecka, after lectures). There were however a few incidents today that were less good (one was very, very less good ... and yes, I kn...
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Stupid eBay!!
2007-11-18 23:38:00
Well, I guess it's not eBay that's stupid, but rather a seller I've encountered!I bought the entire Stargate SG-1 boxset (seasons 1-10) a while back, but it hasn't arrived yet! I decided to send an email to the seller (I've sent one before but not gotten a reply), since it's been a month since I bought it! That in itself didn't pose any problems, but when I started checking around, I got more and more worried ...Turns out the seller is no longer a registered seller at eBay, for some strange reason is the auction itself "removed" (I mean, I know I've bought the item, and it hasn't been 60 days yet, but it's not on eBay anywhere!), and the last feedback this seller got was from a buyer who bought the same boxset as me - and reported he'd not gotten the set, nor gotten any reply to either emails or phonecalls!Terrific! NOOOOOT!!!!!I payed over $200 for it, which is an awful lot of money and I don't have the time or the energy for this right now! I checked out paypal, and ap...
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A Nice Visit!
2007-11-17 21:21:00
I was up pretty early today, and managed to get quite a bit done in the morning - finished off some cleaning, spent time with Zorro and studied! :)At about noon I met Kajsa at the railway station, it was great seeing her again! I really hope we don't loose touch again!We went home for some lunch - which was a bit interrupted by Zorro wanting maximum attention! He's not that used to me having people over, so sometimes I feels the need to point out that of course he is the center of the universe! *lol*After lunch, Kajsa and I went for a little walk, we've had really warm weather although very cloudy, so it was quite nice outside. By the seaside we saw this woman feeding the birds - we went over there and there were a lot of birds and swans, really beautiful! My camera isn't really great now, but I managed to get a few photos anyway .... We continued our little walk, but I didn't get anymore pictures. When we got home it was time for a coffee, before Kajsa went home!I did som...
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Definately On The Right Track!
2007-11-16 22:39:00
It seems my little set-back - mood-wise - from the middle of the week, is definately gone now! I'm feeling a lot better, and I do get more done, even though there's always room for improvement!I'm truly greatful for every hour I get, when I feel like this, and it feels good that I don't take it for granted. Naturally I feel I could make even more use of a 'good' mood, being more productive and efficient in studies and other stuff that goes on, but at least I'm working on it now, instead of being completely apathic!!I didn't get a lot done this morning, just some minor things, and at lunch I met my mentor Rebecka! We went to this really big 'central' Uni library (not the one located on our Department, but a much bigger one!!), I have only been there once before and had no idea how it worked ... but now I know! :) I also managed to get a book for one of the courses that I'm taking, which has been more or less impossible to get, so that felt really good! After that we mostly...
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What A Difference!
2007-11-15 22:34:00
Today has been sooo much better than the last few days! Still don't have much of an explanation, but I'm definately not complaining when it is like this!I 'overslept' a bit this morning, so I didn't get much done before it was time to head off to lectures, but the trains were on time for once, so I did have time to run some errands before lectures started. They were as straining as usual - although I found it a bit difficult to comprehend today! Usuaully our teacher is very clear and good at explaining, but I didn't quite 'get it' today - Johanna told me it had been the same yesterday ... *weird*Ah well, when we were fininshed, I did some shopping before going home - completely exhausted.This kind of bothers me, because I don't know why I get so tired! Going away for lectures for 2 hours (I'm away from home for about 4 hours, give and take) should not make me completely exhausted!! In the beginning after my sickleave I blamed it on not being used to being active at all, hi...
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Trying To Recover!
2007-11-14 22:38:00
Baaad day today! I've spent most of it in a migraine attack ... not good!I'm a bit better now, so I'm hoping to be 'fit-for-fight' again tomorrow! I also really hope that these last couple of days haven't destroyed the good mood I was in, and that this is only a temporary set back!I'm not feeling great right now, but I guess that's hardly surprising! After all, I've been in pain for over 12 hours, what can you expect?! But I really don't have the time for this now, and that makes me frustrated and stresses me a lot! If I had the energy to stay alert and actually do things 24 hours a day until Christmas, I might start to feel good about myself - but that's hardly a reality ... so "wasting" an entire day like this, undoubtedly makes me feel pretty bad! I know there's nothing I can do about it, when I'm having a migrane attack I'm completely confined to my bed, I can hardly make it to the bathroom, but despite that - Uni won't take that into consideration!! I still have ...

I Don't Understand!
2007-11-13 21:32:00
I haven't had a quite so good day today ... and what's frustrating about it is that I don't know why! I've experienced feelings and emotions from long ago, and I have no idea where they're coming from! This annoys me a great deal, because I am usually very good at determining what is the problem, what the core and cause it, and therefore I have a chance at resolving it ... but not today!I did get a bit of studying done this morning, though not very much. I had slept very poorly, Zorro kept me up all night for some reason *sigh*, so I was totally exhausted. I went in to town for lectures, and I felt really, really bad!! I had high anxiety levels and feelings from years back - and I don't know where they came from!I was really freaked out just by being at the Department, and I have really felt okay with being there for over a year now!! I had this sense of total alienation, like I didn't belong there at all (which were the exact feelings I experienced before, and right after my...
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Oh What An Active Day!
2007-11-12 21:14:00
Wow! I can't believe what an active day I've had! True enough, I'm completely exhausted now, but it still feels good to have gotten quite a few things done ... despite not everything working out exactly as planned!This morning I started catching up on my course, as fell behind last week studying for my oral exam. I had gotten notes from Johanna (*thank you - thank you*) through email, but since I learn a lot from writing, I decided to take them down by hand as well ... it took almost two hours (!), but I think it was really worth it, because I felt I really understood what it said and meant!Going into town for lectures at 1 p.m. - and the train was late again!!! I don't know what's going on now, but the trains are always late! I think I'm gonna have to take an earlier train just to be certain in getting there in time - but if that should be in time, I'll be at Uni almost an hour before lectures start ... not that much fun! *sigh* How hard can it be to follow a timetable?!!? *...
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Very Frustrating!
2007-10-02 23:03:00
I had some advanced plans for today, unfortunately, nothing went according to plan at all.I tend to sleep rather poorly now, I have done for quite some time, and I find it difficult to function without sleep.Yeah well - newsflash - Zorro singlehandedly decided there would be no sleep at all tonight! When I had tossed and turned for about 1½ hours last night and was actually about to fall asleep, he decided to jump up and do his best to tear down my big mirror ... not good! The fact is, that mirror is hanging on the wall by a thread, it was quite an ordeal to get it up (my Dad helped me) and it cannot withstand much ... so I lept out of bed at about 12.45 a.m. trying to stop Zorro from getting the entire mirror down ... I succeeded in saving the mirror, but I didn't fall asleep before some time around 2.30 - thanks a lot! By then I already had to dispose of some of my plans for today - as that wouldn't work out with less than four hours sleep ... but at 6 I was awoken again ... t...

Blogs, Blogs And More Blogs!
2007-10-01 19:20:00
Once again I felt compelled to go through my blogs, and there has been a few changes, so I figured I'd better list them here! :)One blog has been completely deleted, my James Bond-blog. I didn't have neither the time nor the energy for it, and I don't want to constantly feel bad for not updating it, so I decided to delete it instaed. The posts I had will appear on my Swedish "entertainment" blog in the future.Also, my Great Lyrics! blog has been somewhat "transformed" ... I have decided to make it generally in Swedish, even though some lyrics/quotes/poems will be in English, so it is now called ♥ Tänkvärt ♥ and the URL is new as well.And finally, I have decided to create a new blog, about Stargate SG-1.Here's the complete list! *lol*Blogs in English:* Enter The Stargate * - information as well as personal opinions on the american TV show Stargate SG-1.Les Misérables: Beyond the Barricade - personal thoughts, and information and news, on the musical Les Misérables.Blogs i...

A Great Evening!
2007-09-30 18:42:00
Despite pretty terrible weather, yesterday evening was really really nice!I went to see Sara first, we had a lovely meal and a few glasses of wine - and a lot of laughter ... as always! :)After a few hours we went over to Johanna and Per and it was great to see them. Their appartment was really nice, and it was wonderful to meet their little kitten, Assar! Totally adorable!! As I'm used to seeing Zorro, I thought Assar so tiny, but Sara assured me he had in fact grown a lot! ;)I had a really nice time yesteday evening but I have come to notice that I'm still having a little trouble being together with lots of people at the same time. Make no mistake, I'm completely happy with my own personal development, and I'm actually amazed that I have come to be in a situation where I'm even invited to gatherings and parties (because that has not always been so, that's for sure), but I can be more relaxed if I'm only meeting a few people at a time. When there are a lot of people (yesterd...
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A Great Trip!
2007-09-29 11:12:00
Sorry about not writing here yesterday - for some reason I was completely exhausted last night, and suffered a headache, so I wasn't in the mood for blogging!The trip to Helsingör was really great, even though it would have been nice to have better weather, it rained most of the time and was quite windy!I met Johanna in Helsingborg and we went over to Denmark straight away, and had lunch there! Totally yummy - and cheap! - "foccacias" (sp??) ... I'd never had it before, but it was really good! (Perhaps not the healthiest of foods, but hey, you've got to treat yourself sometimes, right?!)I hadn't been to Helsingör for many years, so it was great coming there again! It's a really charming town with lots of old buildings and charming little alleys. I wish I'd taken more pictures, but to tell the truth, I kind of forgot about my camera - and it didn't feel so great since it rained most of the time.I think it would be fantastic to go during the summer sometime, because I bet the...
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Here We Go Again!
2007-09-27 20:18:00
Sorry if I sound depressing, but today has been just terrible!I didn't sleep well, so I came up rather cranky this morning, but did everything I possibly could in order for things to work out - and no matter what I have done, it has gone wrong!! I totally hate these kinds of days, even though I know they come every now and again!For once I don't feel too horrible about myself though, because I know I have really tried to change things, instead of just sit in front of the TV and do nothing! But it's still very annoying when nothing works out at all ...I tried studying, and it turned out a mess. I went to a nearby town to get a gift, and had plans to go someplace else, only the trains were late so I missed the bus, I thought I'd check out another mode of transport, which resulted in me buying an extremely expensive bus/train timetable - and after about 2 minutes I realized I didn't even need it. I went home and the trains were a mess, my computer has been acting up tonight .... i...

Wow - That's Amazing!
2007-09-26 22:42:00
I really can't believe the day I've head ... and I'm more talking of the way I've been feeling about things, coping with things etc. The practical aspect of the day has been both up and down, but it has still been a really good day!!I went to Uni this morning, and met a girl whom I studied with last semester here on the train station, so I had company all the way! :) Good thing too, since the trains were late. At Uni I managed to get three of the books for my current course from the library (although I later found out I'm still missing one), and just the fact that I can go to the library is a great relief because that was earlier a huge thing for me, it was really "enemy territory" and I totally feared it!! So that is progress to say the least! I'm still a bit nervous about things not working out, or that something unexpected might happen, but it's nowhere near as bad as it has been, and I am coping with it.Afterwards I went to a nearby mall ... and got absolutely nothing don...
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Baaad Day ... But Getting Better!
2007-09-25 20:27:00
Today has for the most part been really terrible! I had my mind really set on what I was supposed to do, I have tried really hard adapting these thoughts on routine and structure, on just "getting things done" without putting too much thought and energy into them, all of that.So, despite the fact that I woke up with a splitting headache at 5 a.m. this morning I was hell bent on doing what I had in mind, which was first and foremost going to "work". Now, I can go by two different buses, one 'early' (leaving home right after 7) and one 'late' (leaving home right after 8), and I had planned to take the early bus. Despite hard effort, my headache persisted, even though it started to get better, so I though I'd take the late bus to let my head recover as much as possible. I was totally set on this and getting ready, when all of a sudden my stomach decided it wouldn't go along at all! I'm usually pretty healthy, I don't have problems with my physical health, but I litterary spent...

Somewhat Successful?
2007-09-24 22:18:00
I think I have been somewhat successful in reinforcing the thoughts I tried to come up with last night. I can't say that it's been the greatest day ever, but I do feel better, and I have gotten at least some things done. Naturally, this thing of getting structure into your life, and finding a routine that works for you, doesn't come over night, it is something I will be working on for quite some time, I think, but at least I feel I have made a start today - and at least that's something, right?!Unfortunately, things are not going very well with my studies. The course I will be taking first is somewhat unclear at the moment and I have quite a few questions - I emailed my tutor about it during the weekend but have not heard back from him all day. Now I really need to visit work tomorrow morning (they are only open Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and on Wednesday they have this whole meeting-thing that really complicates things a lot), and than I want to go straight to Uni to try to...
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Gathering My Thoughts!
2007-09-23 21:27:00
I'm mostly feeling strange and confused these days, so I'm currently trying to gather my thoughts and work through my life at the moment!I have been in a weird mood lately, where absolutely nothing gets done!! I know I have so much to do and get done, and yet for some strange reason, nothing ever happens! I really hate that with myself, it's so destructive ... and I don't really have time for that right now!!I definately need to get things straightened out now, and start getting on with my life, otherwise things will be really chaotic!! I know that part of what made last semester end up like a complete disaster was that I got behind early on. Now you can't compare this right off, because there are two completely different courses now, but the fact still remains that things does work more smoothly if you can keep up and feel that you know what you're doing!I really want my life to work out now, I want to de-dramatize a lot of things in my life, in order for things to work out m...
More About: My Thoughts , Thoughts , Erin , Gathering

Stargate SG-1
2007-09-22 19:30:00
This post might belong in my Swedish 'TV&Film' blog, but I've already made a post there, and this time I felt like writing it in English!The fact is: I've become completely addicted to Stargate SG-1!! Just accept it, because that's the way it is!I started watching it this summer, since there was nothing else on TV and the weather forced me inside a lot, and I did enjoy it pretty quickly. Coming in late in the series made certain things quite difficult, but the more I watched it, the better I liked it.Now I ordered the first season on dvd, it arrived a few days ago, and what can I say? Watching this show from the beginning made me completely addicted! It's actually quickly becoming one of my very favourite TV shows and I can recommend it to anyone!I haven't seen the original movie, and I guess I should have done that, because the series really picks up where the movie left off, but it's still not a problem to follow the storylines, even though you sometimes get the feelin...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, BLOG!!
2007-09-20 19:43:00
Wow, I can't believe I've had this blog for a whole year! Amazing!I did have another blog here at blogger for a while before that, but it started acting very weird, so on 20 September 2006, I started this ... it had the super-lame name "Jessica's Blog " for some time, before I came up with Another Day - Another Destiny (from Les Misérables, what else? *lol*), which I think is a rather suitable name for a blog - after all, that's what it's all about, isn't it?Trying to think back over this year ... sooo much has happened. In one way it feels like it's been a lot longer than a year, but in another way, it seems much shorter ... guess that prooves that it really has been one year! :)I'd like to think that I have come quite a long way with myself, even though I don't always have "visible" proof to show it. Last semester, for instance, was more or less a total disaster, but even though I never want to go through anything like that ever again, I still feel I've learned something...
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Change Of Plans!
2007-09-19 19:49:00
These last few days hasn't worked out at all the way I had hoped and planned! *sigh*Started yesterday, when I slept really poorly, woke up with a headache that gradually turned into a migrane attack! I had it all day yesterday, went to bed at 9 p.m. and did sleep fairly good. I had planned to visit "work" today, and had set my alarm for 4 a.m. to really prepare, since yesterday was so terrible.Turns out that my head felt so insecure, even after about 2½ - 3 hours of working at making it better, that I didn't dare to go to work (problem with it is the bad communications through public transport, because once I leave my home town, I know there's no way I'll make it home for another 5-6 hours - and I didn't dare to take the chance of the migrane comming back). I was totally exahusted, and my head wasn't great, so I went back to sleep (after having called work) and slep until noon!! *yikes*Since then I have tried pulling myself together, my head has been feeling a little bit bett...
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Intense Day - Intense Future!
2007-09-17 21:16:00
Today, or rather this morning, was very intense! I have been pretty much worn out and not gotten that much done after I got home ...I had to meet two Uni teachers this morning, and although it ended up working out pretty well, I was still so nervous, that I have a hard time "recovering" from it!Also, one thing that wasn't too great! I just realized that my planning for this semester won't work out ... I really wanted to finish these two "special" courses first, take the exams and get them over and done with before my last course starts, which is on November 5. However, since I didn't get started until today - which is very late indeed! - and it was a lot more stuff than I thought - I don't think I stand a chance to get it all finished by the first week of November. After all, that's only six weeks away, and during these two courses I will do :About 1,500 pages of litterature (Swedish and English)20 pages of Hebew text (meaning I'm gonna have to know it in Swedish and Hebrew, k...
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Preparing ...
2007-09-16 23:15:00
I have spent most of today trying to prepare for next week, or rather tomorrow which will be a very intense day.I'm having meetings with two teacheres tomorrow, regarding the first courses I'll be taking this semester! These are rather special courses, known as "läskurser" (sorry, can't really come up with a good translation for it). In short it means that every student decides on a certain subject they want to learn more about, the teacher helps with getting litterature, you can a certain number of weeks to prepare and then you have an examination, usually both a written and an oral exam.I'm taking two of these right now at the beginning of the semester, one in Sociology of Religion and the other in Old Testament with Hebrew, so I'm meeting with my tutors in those two subjects tomorrow!I'm more than nervous though, I've never taken courses like these before, I don't know what I want to study, I don't know how much "help" I can expect to get from the teachers ... In short,...
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Let's Get Going!
2007-09-14 21:59:00
I realize my blogging haven't been the best during the last few weeks. Not only do I feel like I have neglected this blog, I also feel I have not updated my other blogs as often as I should have - including Zorro's - so my apologies go to Zorro as well!I really do hope that I will get more routine in my life now, because no matter how confusing my life is right now, I will for certain start this autumn semester on Monday, and I hope I can implement some routine in my life when my studies start for real!I had another meeting with my student councellor today, and although I finally figured out what to do with the next three to four years, I still wasn't too happy about the meeting! As the Swedish University system is undergoing major changes, things are a big mess at the moment!! I had hoped to finish my degree according to the old system, but aparently that's out of the question, so now I'm going to have to "transfer" into the new system!I had the whole thing pretty much figured...
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Very Confusing!
2007-09-12 22:12:00
The big thing today was a meeting with my student councellor - and boy did it end up being very confusing!The Swedish University system are currently undergoing some major changes, to better adapt to the European University systems with the same types of courses, credits, grades and degrees - which naturally is very messy for us students. I had my mind set on completing my degree according to the old system (which you can do until the year 2015), as I have already taken so many courses.Lately I've more and more come to realize that I would like to continue after my degree to do post-graduate studies and eventually study for a doctor's degree ... so this was what I was going to talk to my student councellor about!Before long, she told me I simply had to change to the new system in order for things to work out later on. Only that meant some changes, I even had to change a course this semester for that to work. This will lead up to a Bachelor's Degree, (which is supposed to be three...

Better ... And Worse
2007-09-10 22:12:00
Strange day indeed!!I actually had a good morning, I was efficient, I got things done, I felt good about myself. At about eleven I was going downtown to catch a bus to a nearby mall, as I had a ton of errands to run. There was this huge mix-up with the citybuses, when I finally got on a bus, it must have the slowest bus in Sweden, because we never seemed to get anywhere - and when we finally got downtown, the other bus had left like 15 seconds earlier! Thanks a lot!This kinda ruined my mood ... not surprisingly, I guess! I wasn't quite as efficient when I had to go back home and not getting my errands run.Tonight I finally came to realize that my Uni semester starts tomorrow!! *Yikes!* I have tried some serious mental preparation tonight, I've written in my diary more or less non-stop for about 2½ hours, so I'm hoping I have least come up with something!I can't say that I feel confident about this semester, because for some reason I haven't been feeling great these last few we...