Why Would I Sleep?Why Would I Sleep?Mom writes while kids tear the house apart and enjoys the challenge of maintaining correct spelling, grammar and sentence structure while also making dinner and answering questions such as, Mom, why can't I get a bra yet? Articles
Sick Kid Update
2007-09-27 19:25:00 The relapse arrived only slightly off schedule, at 4:25 PM EST yesterday. “Mom,” she moan-screeched. “My throat hurts so much, I can’t even talk.” I didn’t tell her that her energy level and impressively high vocal volume betrayed her story just a tad. This morning, she gave the extra sick-day ploy one more try, as she crawled into bed with me, proclaiming that she was still very, very ill. “I don’t feel good.” She threw in a last-ditch, mournful request. “Please… feel… my… head.” She used her very best, wide-eyed croak, mustering every sad and downtrodden facial expression in her theatrical repertoire. She raised a little handful of crumpled kleenex and blew her sore nose. She blinked. She looked pathetic. All in. I declared her fit for school. She sighed. Then, she dropped the act and requested a bowl of Rice Krispies and a banana, while planning her outfit for the day and fighting with her s... More About: Update , Sick
Hannah’s Guide to Sick Days
2007-09-26 19:54:00 1) Wake up snuffly and stuffy. Exhibit just enough genuine misery to convince your mother that you really do need to take the day off. 2) Repeatedly declare your love for those extra-soft, lotion-infused tissues, even while steadfastly refusing to blow your nose, since “it will make the cold worse.” 3) Miraculously recover by 10 AM. However, continue to run a low grade fever so that your mom doesn’t drag you off to school for the rest of the day, which would be totally humiliating. 4) Ask if you can go shoe shopping, since you feel much better now. 5) When #4 fails, learn all the words and dance steps to “All for One,” from Disney’s High School Musical 2, then… shake it! 6) Take a break from the dance-a-thon long enough to inform your mom that you won’t be talking for “quite a while.” Write notes to express your needs, thoughts and questions. When asked why you have decided to stop talking, explain that you “just don... More About: Hannah , Guide , Days , Sick , Hanna
My Current Lunch Obsession
2007-09-25 15:37:00 Hm, I haven’t written a food post in a while. And dang it, I’m hungry! This time of year, as a rule, I consume far more than my fair share of tomatoes. They are everywhere, and those big-mama beefsteaks are gooooood. By all rights, I should be all lycopened out by now, but nope, I could eat them every day, and never get tired of their garden-tomatoey goodness. I made this up for lunch yesterday, and thought I’d share it here since I’m obsessed with it on a level that would do Homer Simpson proud. And while it’s not exactly a reduced-cal offering, it can be. A little cheese goes a long way, since the flavors are so strong. I used maybe one tablespoon total per slice of bread, and did not feel in any way deprived. Of course, I could (and often do) go the Homer route and pile it on, and um, that’d probably be pretty tasty, too. Open-Faced, Toasted Tomato and Basil Sammich with Dijon Mustard and Cheeeeeeeeese 1) Lightly toast one or two slices of b... More About: Lunch , Current , Obsession
Mini Me
2007-09-23 17:26:00 I am extremely late in reporting this, but a month ago, I promised my mom I’d post a side-by-side picture comparison, since this post freaked her out. It rattled me too, but for an entirely different reason. One of my babies, my oldest daughter, is growing up WAY too fast. Well, okay, they all are, but I digress. At age ten, Abby is looking more like a young adult than a child. Never mind. Been there, posted that. (I promise, I do have a point. Watch out, here it comes!) Rather than focusing on the current picture of Abby looking all grown up in high heels, my mom reacted to the first picture in the post. The one of Abby in preschool, taken seven years ago. Because she thought it was me. We were on the phone that day, and she pulled up my blog as we talked. She paused. She sounded confused. Mom: Where did you get that picture? Me: It was on my refrigerator. Mom: It was? I thought I had the only copy of that. Me: Huh? Mom: That’s you, Kathy. Me: No, Mom, that’s Ab... More About: Mini
Crack! Kiss! Duck! Ship!
2007-09-18 16:12:00 Sam discovered computer animation this summer. I posted his incredible, illustrated, homemade elevator animation to YouTube. So, proud and fascinated published animator that he was, he poked around and discovered that other kids, also interested in elevators, also post cool, obsessively-interested-in-elevators elevator videos to YouTube. (Here comes the part where I admit that I’m a terrible parent.) In the moment when my back was turned, probably while I was preparing a healthy and delicious, balanced dinner, he discovered — well — other stuff on YouTube. Crap. Because then, he discovered swear words. Lots of them. Lots and lots of uncensored, unmonitored, unencumbered by FCC standards, bonafide, internet-approved, genuine swear words. This newfound special interest in forbidden language continued and intensified throughout the summer. During family car rides, Sam would entertain horrify us all by listing all the obscene and censor-worthy words he knew. Then, he... More About: Kiss , Crack , Duck , Ship
Apology
2007-09-18 04:12:00 Yes, I have neglected my poor little blog of late. *hangs head* *thwacks self* *gets over it* More About: Apology , Ology , Polo
Uh Oh
2007-09-13 04:45:00 *fears being drummed out of WordPress for lack of attention to blog duties* Eep! More About: Uh Oh
Please, Somebody Save Me
2007-09-07 04:53:00 I seem to have been swallowed by the Back to School Monster. I’m here, but I’m up to my eyeballs in homework and the early bus (6:42 AM!) and back to school nights and politely hanging up on all the volunteer coordinators and… (was that out loud?) Oops. More About: Save , Save Me , Some
I Suppose It’s All Relative
2007-09-02 19:40:00 Up until twelve minutes ago, Sam’s room was unvacuumable. Crap everywhere. Shoes, blankets, K’Nex, clothes, trash, bike helmet, school supplies and peanut butter crackers covering every square inch of floor, making it impassable. I even failed at my most recent attempt to put his clean clothes in, on top of, or near his dresser drawers, since I was barefoot at the time and couldn’t step into the room without impaling my foot on a train part. This is how he answered the call to clean his room. He feels his work is done. More About: Pose
Please Excuse My Absence
2007-08-29 23:05:00 … of late, but school started yesterday, so I have spent most of my time buying school supplies according to specific, teacher-supplied lists, for which I am grateful so that I’m not guessing and buying the wrong stuff, which would certainly result in return trips to the store, except that the lists keep on coming, so I’ve been to Staples three times and Target twice, in three days. And Abby brought home another list today. Also, Hannah needs new soccer cleats, Abby is waiting to hear back regarding whether or not she got a part in an October production of Little Women, I have a meeting with Sam’s teachers tomorrow morning at 8:30, and I need to find new dental insurance since our dentist, who I specifically chose because she was the only dentist within 25 miles who took our insurance, stopped taking it. So tomorrow’s not looking so good either. And since I’m on a rant (I may as well get it all out now and then be done with it, trust me on this)... More About: Excuse
So Much Kitty Kibble, So Little Time
2007-08-26 02:19:00 I took my neurotic, chirping, one year-old, emergency backup sidekick cat, Lily, to the vet today, for her first annual checkup. She did not appreciate it when I removed her from her sun-drenched post at the front door and unceremoniously stuffed her into her crate, then ran her out to the car and dumped her into the backseat. Certainly, she thought she was being kidnapped (I was going to say “catnapped,” but that means something else entirely) and complained loudly during what must have been an excruciatingly nerve-wracking, seven-minute ride. What’s to become of my water bowl? My fuzzy pink mouse? My luscccious catnip toys? WHO’S WATCHING THE DOOR?? Meow!!! I haven’t used the litterbox yet!!! Lily calmed down slightly once she was out of the car, and she was uncharacteristically cooperative while being pawed (har) on the slippery, metal examination table. She didn’t even flinch during two surprise needle pokes. She is healthy, happy, soft and b... More About: Time , Kitty , Litt
Top 5 Hidden Positives to Returning from 10 days of “Vacation”
2007-08-22 21:52:00 Note: And by “vacation,” I mean time spent away from my place of residence in another state with members of my family who may or may not be complaining about my sub-par cleaning skills (Mom) or reinforcing Sam’s new habit of saying “Hey, get your hand off my ass!” (Uncle Doug) or harboring germs and throwing up on freshly cleaned carpets (two out of Uncle Mike and Aunt Dar’s three kids) or commandeering the remote (Dad.) But we cherish them, really. So as I unpack and regroup and try to get myself in gear while the kids stare at the calendar in disbelief as the summer days dwindle away, it occurs to me that even though many of us paint the end of “vacation” as a bad thing, there is much positive spin to rejoice in. 1. I see the clutter with new eyes. I rarely notice it, but right now, no toy, piece of furniture or odd sock is safe. Who needs all this crap and why does it dominate my house? 2. I am driven to empty and clean the fridge,... More About: Vacation , Days , Hidden , Posi
Back In the Land of the Reliable Wireless Signal…
2007-08-21 06:18:00 … so I’ll return to my regular blogging post shortly. Is summer really over? When did this happen? More About: Wireless , Back , Land , Signal
So Much for Subtlety
2007-08-16 16:20:00 Most visits to my parents include some time with Uncle Doug, seen on this very blog, frequenting the comments section. Abby and Hannah got to sleep over at Uncle Doug’s house one night, while Sam had a “Boys Night” with his cousins at Uncle Mike’s house, which featured sleeping bags, Cheezits, and untold rude noises. Abby and Hannah’s sleepover included wacky latenight movies and evidently, no food (I assumed popcorn and had that detail written in the first draft of this post, but when Uncle Doug complained about my yellow journalism, I deleted it.) Uncle Doug reports that he and the girls lined up on the floor, lying down on their backs to watch the movie. Neither kid wanted to be closest to the stairs leading down to the front door, for fear of “strangers, monsters or marauders of some sort.” Uncle Doug tried to resolve the controversy by bravely offering to take the Danger Position, which resulted in a new controversy, since both Abby a...
A Day At the Waterpark
2007-08-14 21:35:00 Sam gets dumped on Who needs soap? My little poser Three wet kids
Pulse Check
2007-08-14 17:05:00 The Good News: Yes, I am still breathing. The Other News: The new, upgraded, superduper DSL at Mom and Dad’s house is sporadic, and taunts me. Travel tales to follow soon. Or, eventually. Maybe. More About: Check , Puls , Pulse
A Film by Sam
2007-08-10 05:49:00 “The Accident” A stunning, live-action, 12-second film; written, produced, directed and photographed on location by Sam. Acting credits: Victim ……………& hellip;…………&h ellip;……. Sam Sam’s Stunt Double ……………& hellip; Sam Scooter ……………& hellip;…………&h ellip;….. Scooter No animals and/or medium-sized children were harmed during the making of this film. More About: Film
Somebody Hold Me
2007-08-08 22:16:00 How and when — ow, gawd, WHEN?? — did my adorable little 10 year-old daughter change magically from this tiny little person (and really, I look at this preschool picture and I swear she was talking about circle time and learning to ride a bike only the blink of an eye ago): into this so very grown up and beautiful — argh, I’m afraid to say it — pre-teen/young-adultish creature? (And the photo quality stinks because I only had my cell phone crapcam with me, but I’m actually glad it’s blurry) AAAACCCCKKKK!!! I took her to Payless to buy a new pair of flip flops to get her through the summer, and she made a beeline for the women’s size 6 stilettos, using the aisle as her own personal runway until I dragged her from the store. This kid has got the poses, the walk, the attitude. And the LEGS… I mean… Ooohhh. Craaaap! Wasn’t she just kicking off her tiny little baby socks? Begging for Hello Kitty sneakers? Loving he... More About: Hold , Some , Hold Me
The Magic That Is YouTube
2007-08-07 16:52:00 I park my homemade videos at YouTube so that I can post them here. They are needles in a very large haystack, and I assume for the most part that the only people who view them are family and friends who read about them on this very blog. YouTube counts how many times each video is watched. Views on mine have ranged anywhere from 17 up to about 200. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that the video clip of Hannah getting her ears pierced has somehow amassed an enthusiastic YouTube-using tween following? They leave insightful comments such as “Hannah ur so cool” and “LOL my sis made me watch this.” This clip has been viewed 1,593 times. I will not tell Hannah of her fan club. But I do wonder if any of them are available to babysit. More About: Youtube , Magic
Summer Pickins
2007-08-05 18:48:00 There are certain summer activities that I have to do at least once every year. All cost less than ten bucks total, and most involve food, preferably grown and/or gathered by my ownself. I finally got around to picking blueberries one day last week. Abby and Sam were otherwise occupied (at a friend’s house and at camp, respectively) so I dragged Hannah along with me, despite her hesitancy due to a newfound, somewhat extreme fear of bees. She was stung on the bottom of her cute little foot at camp a few weeks ago, and while she didn’t seem too upset by it at the time, she has since stopped breathlessly in her tracks and uttered the phrase, “Mom, is there is bee on me?” approximately 487 times while outside engaged in summertime activities. I knew chances were good that she’d get through our picking expedition unstung, so I figured some desensitization training was in order. Of course there was always the possibility that a bee would appear and instantl... More About: Summer
Summer Earnings
2007-08-02 00:20:00 Hannah and the ice cream man have a special bond. He realized, way back in June, that she would be a regular customer as long as the cash held out. Hannah figured out that even when she can’t soak me for two bucks, she can buy three pieces of bubble gum for a quarter. Even when she’s cashless, sometimes he tosses her some Dubble Bubble anyway. A little extra somethin’ for the regulars always keeps ‘em coming back. Smart ice cream man. Hannah knows that I am not often willing to shell out money for ice cream that costs approximately 80% less when I buy it by the box in the grocery store (I know, bah humbug) but, dang, she looooves her some ice cream truck ice cream. Somehow, it just doesn’t taste the same coming out of the Frigidaire in the basement. She is highly motivated to generate her own ice cream cash stash, so she has spent much of her summer doing this: When this kid runs a lemonade stand, she does not fool around. She understands that simpl... More About: Summer , Earnings , Earning
Crap, When Did This Happen??
2007-07-26 15:39:00 ODD PROCLAMATION Hannah gyrates her way through the kitchen, frequently and spontaneously breaks into song, and announces that she’s “bringing sexy back.” DISTURBING COMMENT Sam (mumbling, to nobody in particular, immediately following what looks to be a painful, yet highly stylish landing on the Slip -n- Slide: That’s a son of a bitch! RANDOM CONVERSATION Hannah (while stomping up the stairs): ABBY SMEARED LIPSTICK ALL OVER MY SWIMSUIT! Abby (stomping up behind her): THAT’S BECAUSE SHE CALLED ME AN UGLY BEEYOTCH! More About: Crap
Anyone Know Where I Can Get Little Windshield Wipers Installed On My Sungla
2007-07-23 20:53:00 I went out for a quick bike ride this morning. I didn’t have time for a long one today, but still wanted to sneak in a fast five miles or so before the weather closed my window for the day. I had ridden four when it started to rain. This felt indescribably wonderful. It was only about 65 degrees, but I was at the point during my ride where I’m usually grateful to spot a sprinkler and steer my bike through the spray. Getting completely rain-soaked kept me cool, made me laugh, and caused several passing motorists to shoot me looks suggesting that they thought I might enjoy a warm towel questioned my judgment believed I should pedal directly to the local loony bin. I couldn’t stop yet — this felt too good. I ended up riding nine miles, hanging up the helmet only because the rain was making it difficult to see through my sunglasses (there was no sun to block, but today they functioned as tiny windshields) and because I thought I’d better not push my luck on... More About: Shield , Where , Winds , Litt
I’m Certain I’m Overthinking This, But Still, I Have This Conve
2007-07-21 16:22:00 I have an industrial sized bottle of Pantene Pro-V Shampoo in my shower stall because, 1) I have been using it forever, 2) it was on sale, and 3) there is no three. On the bottle, just under the brand name, it says “Get up to 85% shinier hair!” So every time I wash my hair, I wonder. Compared to what, exactly? 85% shinier than it was before I washed it? 85% shinier than any other brand could possibly ever make it? 85% shinier than if I shampooed with Comet? Is there a scale of measurement pertaining to hair shininess? Other things are measured in pounds or amperes or kelvins — maybe I missed something? I mean, Google tells me that candelas measure luminosity, but I thought this applied to light, not exactly — light as it reflects off of hair. I personally have never encountered a set of locks with enough stunning brilliance to make me squint and wish for my sunglasses. Who exactly came up with that final measurement, declaring this supposed potential 85% impr... More About: Thinking , Vert , Cert
Well, It HAS Been Five Whole Days
2007-07-20 14:12:00 MIDDLE CHILD NAMING UPDATE: Kathryn/Abigail/Tiger/Abby informs me that she has changed her mind, and will be going with a combination of her first and middle names, to be uttered as one five-syllable nickname, Abigail-Kathryn, which really rolls right off the tongue, if you ask me. More About: Days , Whole , Five , Been , Well
The Scent of… Normal?
2007-07-17 14:36:00 Hannah’s room smells like SweetTarts and wet swimsuit. Abby’s room smells like an overturned bottle of Raspberry Vanilla cologne squirted with Love’s Baby Soft. Sam’s room smells like feet. Huh. I must be doing something right. More About: Normal
Hey, I’m Off the D-List!
2007-07-15 20:36:00 I have always wanted to be a member of the “middle authority group.” I wonder if it comes with dental? More About: List , The D , D-List
Just Don’t Call Her Late For Dinner
2007-07-15 20:13:00 Henceforth, the child known as Abby, who sometimes prefers to be called Abigail, and fairly recently announced that she was changing her name to Tiger, would now like to be addressed by her middle name, which is Kathryn. Please make a note of it. More About: Dinner , Call , Late
Post-Friday Spin Class Update
More articles from this author:2007-07-13 17:23:00 Pat the Perky Sado-Masochist is the Sovereign Bad-Ass Goddess of Spin . More details to follow, as soon as I catch my breath. (This may take a while.) More About: Post , Update , Friday , Class 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
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