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“Geez, Kath, It’s Been A MONTH!”
2008-06-03 19:51:00
Whaddya want? I’m living in a hotel! *Thanks to Uncle Mike for the quote/complaint. Please note that all queries will be handled in the order received, that is to say, sometime next fall, maybe*
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KDF’s Moving Guide
2008-05-05 05:32:00
Saturday, April 20th - Wednesday, the 23th: Pick up boxes at moving company, pack, swear, bruise self, pack more, clean things, make arrangements for three (count ‘em, three) moving day all-day playdates, make liberal use of garbage dump and Goodwill bins, throw broken toys away, pack, swear more, pack, lose ability to speak, pack more. Thursday, April 24th: Totally panic about a) lack of readiness for movers arrival (April 25th), and b) amount of stuff packed to go to hotel (= too much stuff.) Transport cats and children to hotel; check in. Unpack and organize; repack a lot of it. Friday, April 25th: Distribute children to friends’ houses, all except for Abby, whose friend spent the previous evening puking. Return to house at 7:30 AM to meet movers. Pack, clean, freak out excessively. Praise Abby for dealing so well with 10 hours of total boredom. Collect children. Return to hotel for 9:30 PM collapse. Saturday, April 26th: Return to house for final cleanup. Encourage k...
More About: Moving , Guide

Updates Coming Soon…
2008-05-02 05:19:00
All stuff in storage, kids adjusting, Sam at camp with his class for a week (departure day was the same day as closing) spring has sprung, finally…
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Oh, Well NOW I Get It
2008-04-20 03:51:00
Sam: Mom, don’t you think violence is funny? Me: No, Sam not at all. In fact, it really upsets me that you think that. Sam: Mom, girls like dolls. Boys like action figures. Girls like gentleness. Boys like violence. That’s why we have different bathrooms.

Why I Have Posted Only Seven Times In the Past Seven Weeks (aside from the
2008-04-18 20:28:00
Yes, the spring activities have run me ragged, and the kids have been sick, and I keep falling asleep on my living room floor at 9 PM, but mainly I’ve been absent because we’re moving. That’s right. Packing up, moving out, arranging for utility shut offs, address changes and the usual assortment of move-related activities, in addition to the facts that: 1) trying to sell a house in this real estate market is scary if not downright stupid 2) we’ll be living in a hotel for a while, and 3) oh, there’s no three. But those are all the items that I have not written about yet and likely won’t get back to, so let’s just move on shall we? Please bear with me while I try to pack up the house without boxing up any kids or cats. We’ll be moving it all to a secret and undisclosed location (please take note of my safety sense, my children, namely Abby) since this is, afterall, the internets. At least here, I won’t have to change my address.
More About: Past , Times , Weeks

Meat Update
2008-04-08 15:28:00
It’s trash day, and I just cleaned out my freezer, because for the first time in five years I remembered that I’ve been meaning to do that and I remembered it on trash day. I found some chicken breasts that expired in 2004. This begs a question, which you can answer by clicking here: View Poll |View Results Web Poll PoweredBy MicroPoll What? It was frozen! This has been your meat update.
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Have You Ever Had One of Those Dreams Where You Wake Up, and You Know for C
2008-04-07 23:07:00
So, I go AWOL for a while, and I return to find that Wordpress has launched a whole new format on the “Write” page. Am I being punished? I know that it all looks the same out there to you readers, and I’m probably breaking some sort of unwritten bloggers’ rule by even bringing this up, but from in here? Downright trippy. No really, it’s fine, and I’m sure that in some way it’s even better than it used to be, but, well, some of us have issues with change, and I suppose I’m just really, in some very roundabout way, asking for sympathy, or a hug, or maybe a red lollipop. And holy cow, this is my 200th post.
More About: Dreams , Wake , Wake up

Happy Birthday to the ‘Rents
2008-03-28 14:13:00
While I was growing up, I thought that parents were required to share birthdays. That for any given person, spousal choice was limited to whomever was born on that same day. This is because my mom and dad share a birthday, so I just assumed it was a rule. Of course, I was also shocked — I mean, SHOCKED — to realize that Mom and Dad don’t know everything, that Santa, The Birthday Elf and The Easter Bunny are more “imaginary friend” than “guy who breaks into the house and leaves presents,” and that chocolate doesn’t grow on trees. Dammit. Happy Birthday, Mom and Dad! Here’s to life celebrations and many, many more.
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Fun with Editing Software, Part II
2008-03-19 16:04:00
The girls have upgraded their efforts from public access infomercials to music videos. This is entirely kid-produced. No help or interference from any adult. Computers are cool. And you have to love the toilet metaphor.
More About: Software , Editing , Part

Our Nation’s Future
2008-03-04 02:22:00
Here’s what happens when my two daughters and Abby’s friend Marisa figure out how to use the video function on my camera, Windows MovieMaker, and YouTube. They make commercials. They came up with the idea, wrote it, filmed, directed, acted, voiced-over, video-edited, wrote and typed in the subtitles, all on their own. My only function was to be totally impressed when they showed me the finished product. I love it when they get all creative. Way to go, girls! I’m dialing right now.
More About: Future , Nation

And Now, He’s Four for Four
2008-03-03 02:26:00
Sam and Hannah and I went to a train show a couple of weeks ago. Sam spotted a sign announcing the show, and reminded me daily as the date approached. Some kids like trains. Some like them a lot. But for Sam, train stuff — models/shows/museums/tracks/engines/pictu res/computer programs — trains are his Holy Grail. I have written previously about the boy’s incredible luck. He enters raffles, and he wins. He has entered three raffles in his 12 years, and has won 1) 70 bucks, 2) a half hour massage, and 3) a new bike. I worry that he is getting the wrong message about gambling, because so far, his experience has taught him that raffle tickets are a sure thing. Every time. As we entered the long awaited model train show, Sam saw a big sign exclaiming, “Raffle!” I cringed. Once again I cued up “the talk” — the one where I remind him that most of the time, when people enter raffles, or buy lottery tickets, or enter contests, they do not win....

Alive
2008-03-01 17:39:00
Yep, I really am. And I have lots of updating to do here, but lately, no time to do it. Stay tuned — I really will be back soon!
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UP TO THE MINUTE UPDATE TO YESTERDAY’S NEWS
2008-02-23 22:04:00
Thanks to those of you who understood yesterday’s excitement over my momentarily clean house. Here’s an update: The beds are made. No, but I did make pancakes. The floors are vacuumed. There are Goldfish crumbs and/or old, brown leaves in every room. The dust is dusted. Okay good, the dust is still dusted. The markers and marbles and train tracks and doll clothes and applesauce cups are picked up. Crap everywhere. And the laundry is done. Nope, the dirty clothes are piled high in my closet (I’ll never figure out how they generate laundry so fast) and my basement is littered with wet snowsuits. Ah, well. I enjoyed the fleeting moment.
More About: News , Update , Yesterday , Minute

BREAKING NEWS ALERT!
2008-02-22 19:17:00
… and also possibly a sign of the apocalypse, a blue moon, and ohmygod, Hell is so freaking cold right now… … … … My house. Is clean. The beds are made. The floors are vacuumed. The dust is dusted. The markers and marbles and train tracks and doll clothes and applesauce cups are picked up. And the laundry is done. This will not happen again, likely ever. So I thought I’d better share.
More About: News , Breaking News , Alert , Breaking

Unintentionally Existential Question of the Day, Thanks to Hannah, Who Has
2008-02-19 23:19:00
“Mom, if I threw up in the woods, would you have to clean it up?” Discuss.
More About: Question , Hannah , Existential

My Conversation with the McDonald’s Drive-Thru Person
2008-02-17 16:19:00
Me (ordering for Sam): I’d like a plain double hamburger with ketchup only, please. Drive -Thru Guy: I’m sorry, maam, we don’t make double hamburgers. Do you want to order something else instead? Me (after a long pause, trying hard not to sound dumbfounded and sarcastic): Could I please have a plain double cheeseburger with ketchup only, hold the cheese? Drive-Thru Guy: Oh. Okay, we can do that, I guess. Anything else? Me: No, thanks, that’ll do it.
More About: Person , Conversation

I’m Going to Mars!
2008-02-15 02:55:00
No, really! Abby’s class is going on a very cool field trip soon, and I found out today that I get to go along as a chaperone. This is, of course, a very serious responsibility, in that 1) Abby and her classmates will instruct me as to my space program duties, and 2) I’ll behave in such a way that scars Abby for life embarrasses her deeply makes my daughter proud. Truth is, I heard about this 5th grade field trip way back when Sam was in kindergarten, and I hoped I’d have the opportunity to get in on it with one of the kids. The Challenger Center isn’t open to the public — only to school groups. Last year, Sam’s class went without me (cue the violins, please) but today, Mr. O’C pulled my name from the class hat. I wonder if they’ll serve refreshments?
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Item #783 from Hannah’s Big Book of Stuff To Do with the Plastic Curl
2008-02-12 21:51:00
Why, have your mother put them in your own hair and make what would otherwise be a regular old school day extra festive, of course. And since we’re talking hair… For those days when you’re feeling extra sassy, a Hannah Montana wig can come in handy, especially when gathered into pigtails and paired with pink and burgundy soccer socks worn with your big sister’s Converse All-Stars.
More About: Book , Stuff , Item , Plastic

Winter Fun
2008-02-09 17:41:00
Hannah (after 30 minutes of unproductive kneeling on the bathroom floor while hugging the toilet): Mom, my knees hurt. I kind of want to stand up, but if I do, I know I’ll puke. Me: Hannah, if your knees hurt, then stand up. Hannah (moaning, but not moving): I have very mixed feelings right now.
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Hannah Unplugged
2008-02-01 15:47:00
From Hannah ’s Goofus and Gallant files (even though I was more of a Hidden Pictures kind of kid, myself:) And it’s not even TV Turnoff Week! Those three little kids on the couch on the left… anyone care to guess who’s who?
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An Historical Pictorial of Titanic Proportions
2008-01-28 21:30:00
Sam’s explains each frame: 1) iceberg, 2) taking on water, 3) bow deck underwater, 4) boat deck in water, 5) propellers out of water, 6) ship begins to crack, 7) ship splits in three, 8) stern sits normally while bow sinks, 9) stern takes on water, 10) 90 degree angle, 11) final sinking, 12) propellers going underwater, 13) bow planes away (that means sinking fast), 14) ocean floor “S.S. Oops.” Har!
More About: Pictorial , Historical , Titanic

Just Don’t Call Her Late for Dinner
2008-01-26 15:27:00
Hannah (exasperated, with hands on hips): Mom, would you please come downstairs and tell Sam that my middle name is Dorothy? Me: Huh? Hannah: He doesn’t believe me. Me: Well, Hannah, that doesn’t sound like a conversation worth having. You know your middle name is Dorothy. Ignore him. Hannah (turning on her heel, sighing heavily, and bracing for her return to the basement): He just keeps on calling me “Toilet.”
More About: Dinner , Call , Late

When She Says She Loves Her Cats, She Is NOT Kidding
2008-01-20 17:34:00
A page from Abby’s journal: That’s a lot of responsibility for a furry, 13-pound creature who gets high on catnip and cannot speak, but I must say, he gets the job done.
More About: Cats , Kidding

Is It Too Late For Her To Declare Her Candidacy?
2008-01-18 19:46:00
Actual Hannah Quote of the Day: “Mom, did you know that every time I throw a penny in a fountain, I wish for world peace? But before my teacher told me about that, I used to wish I could fly.” I love her. Unrelated Presidential video clip. She could so mop the voting booth floor with all those other numbskulls.
More About: Late , Candidacy , Clar

Spam Update, or, Why Comment Moderation Sometimes Makes Me Giggle
2008-01-17 19:27:00
Actual Spam Comment of the Day (which I am not going to approve, because if I do, then Dr. Dental Spammer will have the run of the place, and all of his comments, which appear in my moderation queue daily, by the way, will actually show up in the comments section, which just ain’t gonna happen, ’cause it’s MY blog, dammit): Dr. Tim0thy Drisc0ll, DDS, or as I prefer to call him, “Dr. BadGrammar and Yet, Still Pedantic”: (who keeps trying to comment waaaaay back here on this old post): “Having a flavored toothpaste is one way of enjoying your brushing experience. However, you should also consider if the toothpaste is rich with flouride and other elements that fights bacteria and cavities.” *snork* Why thank you, Dr. Drisc0ll. I will also consider that.
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Where Are You People Coming From??
2008-01-13 02:27:00
Something on my stats page is driving me crazy. Well, in a good way, but still. Does anyone know WHY this post, two months after the fact, still gets many, many hits? More than any other post? Every single day? Someone, somewhere, must have linked to it, but try as I might, I cannot figure out why, where, or by whom. So, um, thank you? But, please — for curiosity’s sake — where are you coming from?
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My Intellectual Contribution (So Far) to Presidential Election ‘08
2008-01-09 17:44:00
Yesterday, Dave Barry conducted a little live question and answer session, as part of his on-the-scene coverage of the New Hampshire primary. Common themes included voter trends, change, Cheez-Its, change, possible nicknames for Mike Huckabee and Dick Harpootlian (neither of whom need nicknames, since their real names are already so fun to say out loud) and also change. I submitted several questions, which Dave graciously answered, much to my school-girlish delight. Here’s the intro to the Q&A, as written by a professional-type Miami Herald person and seen on The Herald’s website, followed by my questions and Dave’s responses. Dave Barry is running for President of the United States — but because he is a trained journalism professional, he is also sporadically covering the other, lesser candidates. On Jan. 8, 29 and on future dates that he can’t disclose just yet, he’ll be chatting live from 1-2 p.m. here. That’s right, he’ll actu...
More About: Presidential , Election , Intellectual , Contribution

You Would Think
2008-01-05 05:07:00
… that the arrival of the new year would have inspired me to get back here and write something — ANYTHING — already. However, since the kids returned to school, I’m pretty much just trying to keep up with the laundry and all of the pine needles that continue to rain down on my living room floor, so I have sorely neglected my blogging duties. The ornaments will get packed up tomorrow, which will really piss off Lily, the cat, since she seems to think that the space under the Christmas tree is her own personal forest, which is 1) a fabulous location for napping and 2) was a great place to stop for a drink, at least until I stopped watering it a week and a half ago. I suppose there may be a correlation between the not watering and the Rain of the Pine Needles, which really might be an excellent name for a sad, sad, overly sappy song, but I digress. I can’t promise anything, but I think that once the tree is gone and the living room chairs are returned to...

I Resolve
2007-12-31 15:14:00
… to not resolve a single damn thing, except for the stuff that I’m resolving already. Besides, I already belong to (and go to, even) a gym, I’m nice to my neighbors, I eat green vegetables, drink V8, and I write (almost) every day. My children won’t be better behaved next year, the bathroom sink will not be shinier, I won’t clear out the clutter littering the basement, and I’m sure there will be even more dust bunnies under my couch. However, 2008 will be the best year ever. I believe!

Duh
2007-12-29 05:38:00
Here’s a handy tip for parents who are sick to death of Disney’s High School Musical: Do not, under any circumstances, purchase for your children a game in which the entire purpose is for the players to repeatedly sing, at high volume, all of the songs from High School Musicals I and II and every dang-blasted, happy, happy Disney Channel movie and/or TV show ever made. Also, do NOT purchase a microphone. What terrible, insensitive, unthinking person bought this game for my darling children? Why… it was me, of course!