I'm A Dirty Girl

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Dirty, Dirty Clown
2007-10-12 19:34:00
You always knew they were creepy and scary and completely unfunny. But now, it turns out that one of those white-faced weirdos that gave you nightmares as a kid is facing charges for child pornography, too.An Illinois man, known as "Klutzo the Christian Clown" was taken into custody on Wednesday, after baggage-checking agents found pics of naked Filipino boys in his luggage during a routine bag check in San Fran airport.Whee! Just in time for Halloween! Might want to re-think those clown costumes.In his defense, "Klutzo" says of the nude pics, "That's the way they live." However, three boys from the "House of Joy" orphanage in the Philippines claim they woke up on at least one occasion to find Klutzo fondling them. Dirty Girl found the photo above, showing some of the orphans the way they ought to be seen--as normal, happy kids. With clothes on.Amon Paul Carlock, aka Klutzo, an Illinois performer who describes himself as a "Christian Clown," performs at parties and Vacation Bib...

Hey, You're just a kid!
2007-10-09 18:06:00
Austin's Pic of Kim KardashianPint-size paparazzi. Teen stalkers. Children behind cameras.No matter how you slice it, it just doesn't sound right. What are two teenage boys doing out late at night, hanging at hot spots they are too young to enter and casing celebs' homes for a glimpse of a famous face, in the hopes of getting that one-of-a-kind shot? But no matter how you feel about it, Austin Visschedyk (14) and his friend Blaine Hewison (15) keep snapping away, capturing the celebs in candid shots that some say rival their older, more experienced competitors behind the lens. More on the teens and their parents' views on what the boys are doing in the NY Times story.

Flaky Girl
2007-09-21 23:14:00
Star Simpson recently attempted to go through security at Boston's Logan Airport with a homemade contraption strapped to her chest that looks, you know, nothing like a bomb. Except for the lights, and the wires and the putty. And surprise, surprise, Logan's security pulled her aside and Simpson was arrested, thus keeping the rest of the world safe from flaky girls who can't wait for their fifteen minutes of fame.Much has been made of the Logan guards over-reacting, and I'm not denying their behavior was over-the-top. This crazy device attached to her shirt is hardly plutonium.But I'm not buying that this contraption was some kind of project Simpson was working on for school, or a personal foray into the world of "art", either.Look, when a girl goes by the name of "Star" and posts on her own blog that she enjoys "saving the world from evil villains" and has "crazy ideas," she certainly sounds like the type of flaky girl who is capable of pulling a crazy stunt merely for attenti...
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WTF was THAT? Britney, the ultimate dirty girl, flops at MTV Awards
2007-09-11 16:18:00
I'm not going to make fun of her figure, first of all, so let's just get past that. The woman has had two babies. You can't expect the rock-hard abs and steel buns to last forever. She actually looked better than I expected, hair extensions and all. Of course, she made a ridiculous costume choice, eschewing the cute flippy skirts for a skin-tight sparkly bikini, but I could have gotten past that.But, OMG, what in the world was Britney thinking? Appearing on the MTV Music Video Awards show in that sparkly bikini, for what was supposed to be a "big comeback", shuffling her feet like a zombie in slow motion, lip-synching worse than an Asian tourist on karaoke night in a country western bar--did she really think that performance would cut it? She might as well have been sleepwalking for all the animation and excitement she projected. In a word? Sad.Britney, honey, take some advice: get rid of whatever toadying sycophants have convinced you you're famous enough to get away with t...
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Dirty Girl, Get Off Our Plane!
2007-09-08 18:52:00
Seriously, does this look like the pic of a Dirty Girl to you? Nah, me either. Granted, the white skirt is short and the tank was probably pulled down a little lower to show off the girls when a Southwest flight attendant pulled Kyla Ebbert off to the side and threatened to remove her from the flight. Kyla pleaded her case and was allowed to fly, but the Hooters waitress says she was so embarrassed by being taken aside and lectured on "appropriate" clothing (the male flight attendant actually suggested she go home and change clothes, or even buy something else to wear for her flight!) that she covered her lap with a blanket on her trip. Kyla was on her way to see her doctor when all this occurred.Okay, now, I've seen skanky girls before, but this isn't one of them. First of all, she's blonde and attractive, and that always helps. But, come on, white is the color of purity and innocence. If they were going to go after anyone on the flight, I have some better suggestions:How ...
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Fruit Salad, Yummy Yummy
2007-08-29 22:23:00
AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central
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Toys for Dirty Girls and Their Dirty Boys
2007-08-28 20:40:00
Adam and Eve has a special sale offering up to 80% off select items (and yes, of course your dirty girl has the link for you, you naughty girls out there!)So, head on over to the website. And if you are looking for something special but you're shy 'cause it's your first time (the first time is always awkward, isn't it?)Click Here for some ideas:And tell them Dirty Girl sent you!
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Old-Fashioned Dirty Girl
2007-08-22 19:11:00
"I was first drawn to the esthetic of burlesque, the corsets and the outfits," says Penny Ashton, who refers to herself as "New Zealand's favourite dirty girl" in her press releases. Her burlesque show about the history of the sex industry, Hot Pink Bits, was the second-best-selling performance at the Saskatoon Fringe and a hit in Winnipeg. "I love the reinventing of music. I can ponce around onstage, or I should say gracefully wander about the stage in an alluring fashion."Only the second-best? Tsk, tsk. Learn more about sexy dirty dirl Penny Ashton, here. As reporter Todd Babiak says, "It's far sexier, and far more engaging, to be teased by a smart, corseted woman than to watch someone pull her G-string off and gyrate numbly to a Justin Timberlake song."
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Mmmm...yummy
2007-08-17 23:26:00
Summer time, and the livin' is easy. And so am I. ;) But it's too damn hot today. And with the weekend coming up, what's a girl to do to cool off and chill out? Luckily, Salon has the answer. See, I loves me my cold iced tea. And over at Salon.com, they held a contest for the best user-created cocktail. And the grand prize winner? The perfect iced tea mix, just in time for sultry August. Caffeine and alcohol in one? I'm in heaven! Here's the recipe:Iced Tea Classic1 to 2 parts Earl Grey-infused vodka2 parts lemon soda a sprig of minta thinly sliced lemona splash of simple syrupTo make Earl Grey-infused vodka: For a 750 ml bottle, steep 4 tea bags for four to five hours.To construct cocktail: Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour one to two parts vodka (depending on how strong you like it) over ice. Add two parts lemon soda as a mixer. (Folks who like their iced tea sweet may want to add a splash of simple syrup). Add a sprig of crushed mint and one or two thinly sliced rounds of...
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Superbad weekend
2007-08-17 15:00:00
This weekend, Stan and Evie and Rod and I are making a night of it at the movies, and going out to see Superbad . I kinda wish, honestly, I had a date, because from what I've heard it should be a great date-night kinda movie.But it should still be great with the gang, because no one snarks better than Stan when he's at the top of his game, and he just broke up with his latest boy toy (he hates it when I call them that, but hey, I call 'em as I see 'em). And Evie and Rod are always fun, so I'm not griping.Except I really am griping. But just a little bit, and I have a good reason. I was supposed to go see Superbad with T, who by the way has been running so hot and cold lately I have no friggin' idea where he is from one day to the next. He called me up on Monday, asks me out for Friday, and I say okay.And then out of nowhere, on Wednesday, he calls to say he can't make it. So I'm like WTF, because it was all his idea in the first place, and I could have made other plans. B...
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And Dirty Girls down on the farm
2007-08-07 03:46:00
No sexy scandal here, just all-natural (like me) organic goodness in the form of Dirty Girl Produce.But hey, did you ever hear that joke about the Farm er's Daughter and the Travelling Salesman...
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Dirty Girls--on the news
2007-08-07 03:36:00
Telemundo "dirty girl" Mirthala Salinas has been suspended for two months without pay, but not fired, after reporting on the mayor of LA's marital problems. She conveniently left out the part where she slept with him, which may have added to the marital discord just a bit, don't you think?Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa's take? "I regret that decisions I have made in my personal life have been a distraction for the city."If you want more on this dirty girl story, check out the CBS News story.
More About: Girls , The News , Dirty

I'm Not Alone
2007-08-05 03:50:00
After having my heart broken--well, okay, maybe just bruised--by Boris, my own internet blast-from-the-past beau, I had a good laugh when I saw this account of another net hook-up gone bad. Of course, if you asked the guy, it was a love match from day one. Seriously, this guy had problems ("mind if I take a nap?!"). Can't believe she gave him her phone number and home address! Was I ever that naive? Remember, girls, rule number one of internet dating: when you do meet him for the first time, pick a nice public place, no matter how hot and heavy those emails flew! Have you even seen those lying low-lifes on Dateline who are thirty-five but pretending they're teens?!Anyway, check out the funny cautionary net tale over at 'Twas Brillig, complete with waffles!

BlogHer '07
2007-07-30 23:19:00
BlogHer'07: meeting rooms filled with chicks (and even a few men), some frumpy even beyond Glamour Don't standards, others sharply attired and professionally coiffed. Fat girls, skinny girls, girls who climb on rocks.And, beyond the chicks? Exhibitors. That's Exhibitors, not exhibitionists. And all of them, for a nice change, eager to suck up to us women. I have to say, I enjoyed my time there.Look above, and you'll see the fantastic array of riches available to all of us. Can you say "swag" with a capital S?Here's some of the most noticeable items, in no particular order, that caught my eye, either for their sheer usefulness, kitsch factor or just plain weirdness:1. The BlogHer '07 backpack. Filled with a program and some heavy items (4, 15, 17, and 21) that, all on their own, made me have to check another bag.2. Laptop Bag from AOL Body. This sweet baby's in teal, and they had a choice of neon green, as well. That was one of the things AOL Body did very right: cool la...

The World's Worst Parents
2007-07-27 21:22:00
That's who were sitting in front of me on the plane on my way to Blogher '07 this morning.That's right, I'm looking at you, Airtran Flight 835, Row 19. You are the worst parents I have ever seen in my life.And it only took me two and half hours to realize it.When your little boy first came on board, I thought he was just this cute little kid, you know, with his blond hair and brown eyes. I was prepared to like him. But that was before the constant yelling, ("ya Ya YA YA YA YA!") and the slapping, and the kicking. By the end of the flight, every one of your fellow passengers thought he was the spawn of Satan. And you know what really stinks about that, parents? It's not his fault.It's yours.Oh, sure, when the "YA YA!"'s finally reached piercing proportions, you would turn to your boy and admonish him with a loud "Shhh!" And that would silence him, for like a minute, until he started up again.But what did you do before then? I'll tell you: nothing.And this may surprise you, ...
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J
2007-07-17 07:03:00
So, in case you are wondering, the email didn't say much. It was mostly "Hi, what's up, just wondered how you were doing, " and then some bs about how I had been drinking last time he talked to me on the phone and because we were friends he was all worried about me.Total bs, like I said.J was always real good at that. We would split up, and then he would write me, and get my hopes up, and I would think we were getting back together, but then later, when I re-read it, the message was really...non-committal.Not like I was desperate or anything, but he was my first love, you know? I really wanted to make it work it. I learned a lot from that relationship.Like not reading an email when you are feeling really vulnerable, in case you read too much into it.But honestly, this last message just made me pissed. Because we were friends? Come on, get real. We can't be friends. There's just too much history.

Boris
2007-06-30 06:02:00
He'd changed a lot. His hair was longer, and he'd put on some weight, but his eyes were every bit as piercing as they had been back then.He had a mustache now, too, and I wondered how that would feel when he kissed me, soft and downy or scratchy like sandpaper, and once I started wondering I couldn't stop thinking about it. I wanted to grab his face between my palms, draw his lips down to mine to find out.And the little good girl inside me whispered not to, but the bad girl beat her down into submission, and so that's just what I did, reaching up on my toes and tugging his face down hard to meet mine.His mustache was soft, and it tickled, and just the thought of that downy softness brushing against my thighs instead made me wet.And when I finally drew back--I had to, I needed to take a breath, draw some air into my lungs at last--the crooked grin on his face just melted me inside all over again."Well, hello..." he said, and we both kinda grinned, and looked down at the ground ...
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Rocky and Bullwinkle Ain't Got Nothing on Us
2007-06-21 00:42:00
I know what you're thinking...and no, it wasn't J who called me. I'm not that easy. Quit rolling your eyes and I'll tell you all about my mystery guy.I met him on the internet. Before MySpace and AdultFriendFinder and all those dating sites, people actually met online because they had similar interests, and sometimes they found each other quite by accident. At least, that's how I met Boris.Of *course* Boris isn't his real name! It wasn't even, come to that, his on-screen name. We met in a forum, when he made some silly cartoon reference, and I came back with, in the best pseudo-Russian accent I could post, "Must keeell Moose an' Squirrrrrel!"After that, everyone knew us as Boris and Natasha.We didn't like all the same things, of course, but we both loved classic cartoons.We debated hotly the merits of Bugs Bunny and his operatic theme score, bitterly flamed Pokemon and the like.We split evenly on the relative quality of "Pinky and the Brain."Okay, yes, I was the one w...
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...And Back to the Bad Girl
2007-06-14 05:47:00
It was bound to happen. I could only hold out for so long.I’ve been restless all day. Checking my e-mail and phone messages constantly. Running to the mailbox like it was Christmastime and I was expecting presents. Feeling so fidgety and antsy I couldn’t sit still. He’d only said—oh so casually--that he’d be in touch. He’d never said when, exactly. Late that afternoon, I had a million other things going on. I was out of breath and frazzled and practically barked into the phone, something I never do.So of course it was him on the other end, sounding bemused. I swear I could feel his smirk through the phone lines.“Is that you?”He brushed off my stammered apology with grace.“I’m catching you at your work, I know. This is late notice—I’ve been scurrying all day myself—but I have some time open next week and I'll be in town. I was hoping we could get together.”He actually did sound hopeful. Like he didn’t know all he had to do was ask. Like there w...
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Look who's the Good Girl now!
2007-06-13 02:24:00
I know it's been a while since I've posted. You've probably been wondering what's been going on since all that drama with J. But honestly, I've been trying so hard to tow the line, you wouldn't have wanted to read about my days, anyway. I haven't been a dirty girl at all! Squeaky clean, that's me.I haven't even let myself think about J. And I've been deliberately keeping away from all the sexiest sites I usually visit, opting for the cerebral over the sensual.I can't count how many times I've reloaded Metafilter.So you can really honestly believe me when I say that I had no idea J and the slut broke up.Though, okay, yes, I did do my happy dance when Evie told me.Rod and J still keep in touch, and he and Evie were my lifeline back in those early days when I was struggling to get through the break-up and get on with my life. Mostly, back then, I was fueled on rage--Evie told me that Rod told her that J took up right away with some bitch he'd been seeing behind my back ...
More About: Girl , Good , Look , The Good , The Go

I Can't Believe I Went There
2007-05-25 00:47:00
I am in so much trouble. I can't believe it. What was I thinking?!I had that great date with T, and you know, it went...well, great. And then, I don't know, I came home and I had that dream about J. And then, I saw that couple at the Starbucks, and they looked so romantic, and T was all friendly but it wasn't, you know, romantic like that.And then Saturday, I went clubbing with Evie and Rod, which is usually great, too, but they were all lovey-dovy and I had too much to drink, and I went home (alone, damn it!) and did something really stupid.I called J.I know, I know! It was stupid. I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking, and he's so familiar, you know? Anyway, I just left a message on his machine, because he wasn't there, so no real harm done, right?Okay, I left three messages. And of COURSE they got sappier each time. Which is way embarrassing.And that's not even the worst part!J called me back Monday (after I spent all Sunday morning throwing up and all Sunday night t...
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