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suzzzanna
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On Fighting Pre-First-Class Anxiety
2009-01-12 17:29:00
One of my favorite writers (and my new best friend, if I can catch her) Sarah Vowell participated in an experiment in which a group of San Francisco goths gave regular civilians a goth makeover and sent them out into goth clubs to see if they would "pass." The prerequisite to the makeover was doing some homework--picking a goth name, listening to angry songs, writing dark poetry, etc. Vowell writes, Before anyone breaks out the eyeliner, we all sit in a circle and go through my homework. The whole thing reminds me of graduate school seminars, except these people are smart and funny and have something interesting to say. (Take the Cannoli, p. 214).Now that's the attitude I need on the first day of school. Also, a little bit of goth make-up wouldn't hurt either. You know, to look intimidating and all.
More About: First Class , Fighting , Anxiety , Class

Sexism and Such
2008-10-29 21:54:00
Alice Walker, writing in 1983: Every affront to human dignity necessarily affects me as a human being on the planet, because I know every single thing on earth is connected. --From In Search of Our Mother's Gardens, p. 353James Cone, an ex-sexist, writing in 1986:When people make jokes out of someone else's pain, it is an insult to the humanity of all and thus cannot be tolerated. It does not matter how things appear from my vantage point, it is not legitimate for me to make my experience the final criterion for judging the nature and extent of somebody else's suffering. If I have not been a victim of sexism, how do I know that the pain of racism is greater than the one arising from sexism?--From My Soul Looks Back, p. 117Question: Why aren't we there yet?
More About: Sexism

Dead-Again
2008-10-27 01:36:00
Last poem for this weekend. I promise. Funny how I am now Less afraid of burning in hell Than I was when I was "saved" And I'd rather be dead-again Than believe in heaven and fade
More About: Dead

Another Poem
2008-10-25 18:37:00
Apparently procrastination on this particular day means posting or writing cheesy poetry. But that's okay because Barbara Christian says it is:What I write and how I write is done in order to save my own life. And I mean that literally. For me literature is a way of knowing that I am not hallucinating, that whatever I feel/know is. It is an affirmation that sensuality is intelligence, that sensual language is language that makes sense.--Barbara Christian, The Race for Theory, p. 61So, here we go. Another poem. This one from today.Seven time zones awayI supposedly have a homeSeven times zones awayIs where I kind of sort of come from The problem with thatIs that I don't belongSeven time zones awayWhere I supposedly have a homeLast night at 12:22 in the morningI locked myself out of my apartmentAs I sat on the floor in the hallwayListening to my neighbor sing operaTo the crackling sound of popcornI wondered if there was even a chanceIf there was even a wayTo break t...
More About: Poem

Angry
2008-10-25 13:51:00
One of my friends frequently calls herself an angry bitch. Aside from the fact that she is one of the most delightful human beings to be around, she lives up to the title. She is angry and honest and bold. And if that makes her a bitch, then so be it. I've been censoring myself on this blog for too long. I'm working past that. I want to be myself. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm in a place where I can let go and breathe. Who I am is no longer controlled by what others think of me. I'm still terribly insecure and rely on the opinions of others for reassurance, but at least I've learned to listen only to the voices that I trust and respect. This is the most disorganized thing I've written in a long time. To make it even more disjointed, I offer you this short little poem I wrote one night when I was… well, angry. (I guess there is a theme to this after all!) I work as an audio-visual stude...
More About: Angry

Seeing Andrea Gibson
2008-10-20 21:38:00
So remember how I told you about Andrea Gibson a few times on this blog? Tomorrow I'm going to go see her in NYC. This is exciting on so many levels. I'm going with one of my favorite people at Yale. I've never been to New York before. And I'll get to see Andrea Gibson and hang out at a poetry club. It really doesn't get any better than that. So, yay for me. Just thought I would brag.Here's another little taste of what her poetry is like. This is an ending of a poem called Every Month in which the protagonist considers being chosen to give birth to Jesus in his second coming.Personally I'd prefer to give birth to Lucifer,a fixer-upper, the kind of kid who would sit at the last supperand complain that Peter got more mashed potatoes,'cause god knowsthe holy have done more damage to this worldthan the devil ever could.

Hippy
2008-10-04 23:20:00
I'm really not a hippy. I have friends who are. Friends who believe that peace, or co-existence, or whatever the new hippy term is, is possible. Friends who are willing to sit down and dialogue with their oppressor. Friends who do not belong to a party or a group or a way of thinking. Friends who love. I'm not like that at all. I've been on opposite ends of many debates and each time I believed I was 100% correct and, consequently, felt superior to those who didn't share my convictions. I still do. I'm even getting more comfortable with being this way. Still, sometimes I come across passages like this from Pauli Murray: "I have been conditioned […] to believe that love was more powerful than hate—not a passive, submissive love but a vigorous love which resisted injustice without stooping to the level of hating the oppressor."Or this one from Andrea Gibson's Yes:"[This is] for the radical anarchist asking a repub...

Andrea Gibson
2008-09-18 16:07:00
CircularParade83 introduced me to Andrea Gibson and for that I will always be grateful. So in my attempt to spread the word about Andrea's work, I am posting a link to a live performance of one of my favorite poems. It's called Swing-set and it deals with gender--something I talk about a lot on this blog. So, give it a listen. It's witty, poignant, and beautiful. Also, strangely hopeful. Excerpt:Then of course there's always the not-quite-bright-enoughfluorescent light of the public restroom,"Sir! Sir! Do you realize this is the ladies' room?!""Yes, ma'am, I do.It's just I didn't feel comfortablesticking this tampon up my penisin the men's room."

Hot
2008-09-17 13:49:00
I've received a few interesting compliments lately that I'm going to add to my archive.1. When I was interviewed for a magazine article, the woman described me as having a "heart-shaped face." That's not technically even a compliment, but my friends still remember it and make fun of me for it.2. A wife of an important American politician once told me that I had "the most beautiful eyes." My friend Feruza, however, when telling somebody about the incident, described me as having one of the most beautiful eyes. I guess the other one isn't as pretty. That's why sometimes when I talk to people I close my eyes one at a time to see which eye they seem to prefer.3. "You are kinda cute." I guess it's a normal thing to say, but this "kinda" kinda confused me when I was trying to decide if the person really meant it.4. "You are very pretty. You look like my ex-boyfriend." This is the most recent one, from Saturday night.&...

White Socks
2008-09-12 01:28:00
"Did you notice? They were all wearing white socks," Olga observed. "Is that a cultural thing? Am I missing something?"Nobody replied as she continued to sigh and wonder, "I mean, gosh, it's so impractical—white socks get so dirty. Call me closed-minded, but I just can't relate."All I wanted for Christmas that year was a pack of white socks. My boyfriend got some in the mail. It made me jealous. That an old love interest of his sent the socks didn't bother me. I was jealous of the socks.The problem with getting a pack of white thick cotton American socks was that it was that—a pack. Most of my acquaintances who traveled home for any period of time had a ton of stuff to bring back without my socks. One can never bring enough brown sugar and chocolate chips to a country that sells neither. Besides, would the socks fit me? At home, you just bought the same size of socks as you did shoes. Mine w...
More About: White , Socks

On Hell and Aliens
2008-09-06 16:56:00
Divinity students as well as M.A.R. students are perceived as aliens by other, regular Yale students, I have learned. Last night, we were at dinner for all graduate and professional students at Yale and people seemed very puzzled by our existence. They asked things like, "Do you have to be religious to be a Yale Divinity student?" The answer to that is, of course, no, or else I wouldn't be here. They also wanted to know about hell. All good dinner conversation starters...When the "normal" students lost interest in talking to us after expressing their frustration with the idea of hell, we turned to each other and discussed it a bit further. I, for one, don't believe in hell. Many of my colleagues do. Some are skeptical. None of us worry about it too much. Next, the conversation progressed to what we would do if we only had three more hours to live starting right then at that dinner. The guys said they would definitely try to have sex. The girls said they would read or l...
More About: Aliens , Hell

No Unifying Theme
2008-08-25 15:10:00
Hey, that's just like in this book, Freakonomics. So, enjoy the randomness of this post.One time, I wanted to go out to a restaurant, but everything seemed tired, so I took a plane to JFK. What restaurant offers 3 meals over the course of 9 hours and you don't even have a say in what you are served?! Airplane food has an element of surprise that no restaurant can offer. My alternative eating out experience was a success.What's up with a Walmart that doesn't sell groceries? I don't get it. I went to one in Hamden, CT yesterday and there was a total of like 3 shelves and 2 fridgerators of food. WHAT? I've been to some ghetto Walmarts (hello, Colfax in Denver!) but this one caught me by surprise.What's up with American fashion? All these girls wearing shorty shorts and huge T-shirts to cover their fat rolls. Not cool. And it doesn't look attractive.Maya Angelou said this about understanding character: I’ve ...
More About: Theme

"I'm not superstitious. I'm only a little stitious." -- Michael Scott, The
2008-08-04 09:22:00
Did you know that taking your trash out at night will result in family conflicts? In any case, this is what my grandma believes, I have learned. I've always known she was superstitious, but it wasn't until last night, when I took the trash out despite the inevitable family conflict brought on us by the gods of fate or whatever, that I learned about this particular belief.Growing up, there weren't too many superstitious rules by which I had to abide. If on our way somewhere we forgot something and had to come back to the apartment for it, we would have to look in the mirror before leaving. Otherwise something unfortunate would happen that day. Also, we couldn't pass things to each other if the other person was on the opposite side of the doorway. Otherwise a conflict (a different conflict from the one caused by the trash, I assume) would arise between the two people.It's funny how these arbitrary rules have one thing in common--they get you to...
More About: Michael , Scott

My Little-Boy Phobia
2008-07-27 19:06:00
A couple of days ago I was riding my bike to my mother's when I was attacked. No, nothing serious. I wasn't beaten or anything. Instead, my little-boy phobia has once again proven to be a reasonable concern despite its (by definition) irrational nature. By the way, my little-boy phobia does not refer to my very reasonable fear of being taken for a twelve-year-old boy wherever I go. That I can live with. I'm getting pretty good at it, too. In fact, I'm beginning to use it to my advantage. When I buy myself 5 things of ice-cream, for example, the check-out ladies don't look at me weird, seeing as tons of ice-cream is apparently a perfectly natural thing for a boy to purchase. It's a whole different story when I attempt to buy my actual favorite item at any grocery store--beer. But I digress.The other day I was riding through a park where dozens of people leisurely spent their evenings taking their babies for...
More About: Phobia

Wait Wait and Belarus
2008-07-17 21:45:00
Apparently last week John McCain said that he would send his closest economic advisor to Belarus . Here's a transcript of a conversation on this week's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! between Peter Sagal and Andrea Mitchell, the chief foreign affairs correspondent for NBC News. Peter Sagal: This was, of course, after Phil Gramm former governor of Texas said that the only problem we have in America is that people were depressed.Andrea Mitchell: He said it was a "mental recession," that we are a "nation of whiners." Sagal: When McCain was asked his reaction, he promised to make him ambassador to Belarus.Mitchell: Yes, a country that is such an outlaw state, we don’t have an ambassador there.Sagal: And it is still vaguely radioactive.Mitchell: More than vaguely. I was there in 1994 with Bill Clinton we had to wear dosimeters to make sure we weren’t getting too much radiation from Chernobyl.Sagal: Gotta say, it’s colorful!A few c...

For Natasha
2008-07-07 20:57:00
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Beatles, Yeah?
2008-07-05 18:12:00
My hair is the reason people often take me for a boy when they first meet me. Or it could be my height (I’m short, obviously). Or my twelve-year-old-boy-like body. Or my refusal to wear terribly uncomfortable "girly" clothes. Or the fact that I don't wear make-up. Ever. But I digress. Because I'm going to Yale in the Fall, I haven't gotten a haircut since early March. That's right, I blame it on Yale. I have no money because I can't get a summer job and my parents can't help me a whole lot since they are obviously already helping me as much as they can. Right now my hair is the longest it’s been in two years. Recently I started thinking that I kind of look like one of the Beatles . What do you think? Beatles, yeah?
More About: Yeah

Scary "Art"
2008-07-04 22:14:00
These two pieces of junk "art" are currently hanging in my apartment—one in the hallway, the other in the kitchen. I am forced to look at them every single day because my grandmother (whom I love dearly but who has no taste whatsoever, obviously) believes that they are "adorable." Whereas the cat calendar pages are occasionally turned and there is a brand new scared/scary kitten amongst ridiculous Jehovah's-witnesses-style flowers every month, the terrifying demon-possessed praying girl never leaves. In fact, as you can see in the picture, she has been here since 2007! I blame her for all my nightmares.
More About: Scary

You've Been Left Behind
2008-07-03 13:12:00
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More About: Left

Visa
2008-06-26 19:22:00
For those of you wondering, I got my US visa. The lady at the embassy was really nice. She told me she was impressed with my scholarship. She also asked me if I was going to take that class on Faith and Globalization with Tony Blair. I told her I would try to get in. She also had a ginourmous diamond ring on her engaged finger, but that's beside the point. So, I guess that this means that New Haven, CT will indeed be my home for the next two years. Yay for me.
More About: Visa

An Update on Yale and a Confession
2008-06-07 09:55:00
A few of my friends on Facebook have asked me about this. I figured that you, Xanga friends, might want some clarity of the subject of my going to Yale as well. I know that a few of you check this blog specifically to find out what happens with that. I don’t know what else I can possibly include in this longer-than-needed introduction, so I guess I’ll just flat out say it: I’m going to be a graduate student at Yale in the Fall!The scholarship issue worked out and I am now able to go. The only other thing is getting my student visa, which would normally not be much of a problem. The thing is, Belarus has practically shut down the US embassy in Minsk, so I now have to travel to Vilnius to apply for my visa. I hope I get it. In other news, I have a confession to make. Yesterday I listened to an audiobook. No, this isn’t the confession in and of itself. The title of the audiobook was “Sartre in 90 Min...
More About: Update , Confession

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