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Beta Times Two and Then Some!
2007-05-17 05:16:00
I went for my second beta today and I was soooo scared that the numbers would fall short, but I was thrilled to hear that my...beta was: 1112and myprogesterone was: 28.9 My HCG is doubling every 1.56 days or 37.51 hours (I used online calculators to figure this out; math is not my strong suit). That seems really terrific, judging from the averages that I have seen on the Internet.I am not sure why the progesterone level fell, but the doctor (the lady who takes my blood called me, not my doctor; it was a nice day to play golf) seemed unconcerned, so I will try to be as well. Our next appointment is on Tuesday, May 29th and it is for our first ultrasound (Yeah!!!). If all goes well at this appointment, then I will hopefully begin to relax (a teensy bit).I am elated beyond words, but I have fears, fears that no one close to me wants to hear and to be frank, I don't blame them; I don't want to have these fears either. Understandably, we all (my husband, mom and sister) want to relish ...
More About: Beta , Times , Some , Then

Beta Bing
2007-05-15 01:18:00
Holy fucking shit..........,I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!! It may even be twins! Any thoughts on this possibilty are welcome and will be greatly appreciated!Beta : 458 (wow!)Progesterone: 39 (awesome, no oil shots or suppositories)I am beyond shocked and thrilled. My RE really is a magic maker! The odds were stacked against us and we are elated. That doesn't mean that I am not worrying about all of the things that could go awry, especially at my age, but those thoughts are for a later post. For now, we are basking in the light of a miracle. I am pregnant.(My next beta is Wednesday May 16th @ 11:00 am)Cycle day 27 15 dpo/IUI 17 dp HCG Trigger 10 dp HCG Booster
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Um, I Think I May Be Pregnant
2007-05-14 12:37:00
The top HPT in the picture is 2 days past HCG trigger, The middle HPT is 5 days past trigger, and the bottom HPT is 10 days past HCG booster (today). The doses of the trigger and booster were the same.Today is:cycle day 27 (my cycles average 25 days)17 dp trigger15 dpo/IUI (I should have had my period by now)10 dp HCG booster (could it still be in my system?)I ran out of the Dollar Tree tests, so I had to use my "good" test this morning. The only problem with this is that I cannot compare it to yesterday's test (until I go to Dollar Tree to buy more). I can, however, compare it to earlier tests and the result looks quite promising. My husband is excited (yesterday he was beyond skeptical and kind of a buzz kill when we showed my parents the HPTs at Mother's Day lunch), but he still wants to wait for the result of the blood test because he doesn't trust the HPT result; he fears that the HCG may be tricking us. He says that he is "straddling the edge of excitement" right now and is...
More About: Pregnant , Think

Contradiction
2007-05-13 14:55:00
I literally JUST squirted the requisite 4 drops of pee on the bottom HPT and G-d damned if it isn't darker than yesterday's, and the one from the day before! Problem: It is 15 dpo and my temperature just dropped, exactly as it would when I am about to get my period. I am nauseous, but that's normal too!!!Shit, my temperature dropped, my back hurts, I feel like my period is coming..., but that line IS most definitely fuckin' darker; isn't it?? What does it mean? My fucking temperature dropped! Now I am so confused. I am watching it next to me and it IS VERY dark, but my G-d damned temp. dropped significantly, from 98.39 yesterday to 97.79 today!I guess if I don't get my period today, then I will know after the beta tomorrow. If I do get my period today, should I go in for the beta anyway?? Again...the agony! HELP ME! Should I do the First Response test? These are Dollar Tree cheapies, so that I could test incessantly w/out losing my house. Should I buy more of these as I just u...
More About: Contradiction , Contra

Real or Memorex?
2007-05-12 15:53:00
Holy Fuckin' shit! Today is 15 dp trigger, 8 dp HCG booster, 13 dpo and that damn line looks darker than yesterday! Is this real? The nurse and the RE told me that I "should" get a reliable result today, but because I have tested every fuckin' day since the HCG booster, and gotten 2 lines every day, I have no idea what's real, what's artificial injection and I cannot get a beta until Monday! Don't they know we cannot wait that long? How can they not do beta tests over the weekend? I need to know now! FUCK! SHIT! I feel like my period is coming and I need some beta numbers, not just a second line.Somebody help! I NEED A BETA!!!I have now officially driven myself crazy. I thought doing a test each day was smart, that way I could know when the HCG shots were out of my system, and now I can't even get quantifiable evidence until Monday. Ohhh the agony.By 7 days past the trigger (top HPT in picture), the line was super faint, almost nonexistent, now I am 8 days past the booster (bo...
More About: Memorex , Real , More , Memo

Welcome to the 35-44 Age Group
2007-05-11 08:05:00
Today is Iceman's 35th birthday! I put this picture from his birthday last year because it is so damned cute! We went to his favorite sushi restaurant (eek!) and no, I did not eat any raw fish! I rarely do, I like fried stuff; he likes the raw stuff. I want you to know that my husband is a wonderful man and I am very lucky to have him. He loves me exactly as I am, flaws, failings, fears, fuck-ups and all, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am one lucky bitch.I am supposedly 12 dpo and 14 dpIUI; my IUI was Sunday, April, 29. We had our 'if we didn't conceive this cycle' consult on Tuesday and the decision was made that due to my "diagnosis" (translation-high FSH), we will move on to IVF-IF I am not pregnant. My doses will be increased in the hopes of getting more than one mature egg. I sure don't think a needle through the vaginal canal is worth it for one egg. Speaking of one egg, when I mentioned my most likely only having had one mature egg this cycle (300 Follistim for ...
More About: Come , Group

Panic Attack
2007-05-05 11:26:00
It's official, I had my first panic attack in quite awhile. The last time was about 10 months ago when I was in the back seat of my sister's transitional boyfriend's car. He was a crazy driver, so naturally I blame him. I had my trusty Xanax in my purse, so problem solved.About an hour ago I was jolted from a sound sleep shaking with anxiety. I woke up Iceman, got out of bed, and paced around the bedroom like a caged animal. He asked what was wrong and as I fumbled to explain what was wrong, I realized that I could not find the words to describe what I was feeling. I took off my top, paced back and forth (that's bad naked for you Seinfeld fans), then got back into bed. Got out of bed again, put on a different top, then got back into bed. Got back out of bed and went to my trusty computer. No sense in needlessly worrying Iceman, especially because he wants what is best for me and if the fertility meds make me crazy, he will want me to stop taking them; I mean injecting them. I am...
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Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Responses
2007-05-02 07:28:00
"You're lucky, this treatment wasn't available 15 years ago." Yeah, I feel lucky punk; every time I stick that needle in my belly. "Stop trying." If we stop trying we will never have a baby. Where is the logic in that? What's you I.Q. Einstein? "Have some wine." F*ck off, I don't even like wine. I like cigarettes!"Just think positive." I am thinking positive douche bag! "Just relax, then you'll get pregnant." Oh my G-d! That's all I have to do; why didn't my R.E. tell me? These shots hurt. "Go on vacation." Okay, great! Who's paying? You see, Mike and are I woefully underpaid teachers. Also, After my laparosopy and second cystoscopy I lost my job. Thanks FMLA, 12 years of dedicated service to children and all you guarantee me is a substitute position? "I work with this lady and her daughter-in-law had to do shots for two years, plus she had to deal with kidney stones; twice! In fact she's in the hospital right now..." Wow, I guess I am lucky cuz I only just started jabbing ...
More About: Smart , Suggestion , Levant , Anecdotes , Relevant

Love and Xanax in Chicago
2007-05-01 19:37:00
So, back to the Xanax. It is my touchstone, my savior, the one thing that allows me to to go on trips via airplane (rarely, my husband and I are teachers so we are grossly underpaid and therefore do not take many trips). Wait I much interrupt myself! Back in December my sister and her friend were discussing their upcoming cruise with my parents and my parents' upcoming cruise (my sister is a grossly underpaid teacher too, but she was living w/ my parents at the time-poor thing). Anyway, they start talking about how great cruises are and how Mike and I should take one. My husband says, "We're going on a cruise! First we're gonna cruise to Target, then cruise over to CVS, and maybe cruise by the gas station to pick up some lottery tickets." Awesome! He doesn't talk that much, well not in comparison to me, but when he says something I am always impressed!Usually when I interrupt my own thought I forget what I was saying in the first place, but since I am typing, I can look back an ...
More About: Love , Chicago , Chica

Fertility, Infertility, What's the Difference?
2007-05-01 09:12:00
I had this random thought that has recurred so often that is no longer random, so I must mention it. Why are all of the reproductive endocrinologist's offices named things like: Fertility Clinic of B*tt F*ckville or A+ Number One Fertility Center? Lets face it, those names are shameless trickery. People go there because they are either infertile to some extent or frightened that they may be.A year ago (at 36) when I first had the inkling that my fertility was in question (Day 3 Estradiol level of 102, HORRID and debilitating periods, possible endometrioma) I began scouring the Internet for information. I was so shocked that I could not find the information for which I so desperately searched. The reason eventually made itself plain; they f*ck you in the "fertility" clinic.I still remember searching in vain for things like: Infertility Doctors in Chicago, Infertility Specialists in Illinois, and so on. Much to my surprise, there are no infertility doctors; they are called fertility ...
More About: Difference , Ferenc , The D , Diff

Pharmaceuticals Be Damned
2007-04-30 22:49:00
I never could recover my lost paragraphs from the recesses of my mind (or cyberspace), and though I am not yet over it, I always have more to say, loquacious, self-important b*tch that I am.Oh, before I go any further I should mention that I like to swear, a lot (I blame my father), and I will most likely swear often on this blog because it is my catharsis. For the time being I am substituting certain letters in my swear words with an asterisk. Why? Well really it is because I was a teacher for 10 years and there is an infinitesimal chance that one of my former students (some of whom were fooled into thinking that I am the epitome of perfection) may come across this blog and I am trying to keep up the facade of embodying everything holy, at least for them.Well, I have been off Zoloft (100mg) for nearly a week and I have not yet gouged any ones eyes out, though I have wanted to (no, not yours Mom, I swear). Now, the reason I started taking Zoloft in the first place was that just over...
More About: Pharmaceuticals , Damn , Harm , Mace , Arma

Lost in the Vacancy
2007-04-30 17:33:00
Well, it is one day post IUI and I am exhausted. My dog sh*t on the floor, and I haven't even contemplated cleaning it up, proving that I am indeed, horrible. In fact, I saw said sh*t on the floor when I was going to sleep last night (3:30 this morning) and I just left it there. I was tired, dammit! My dog is a chihuahua, so it really is not that much sh*t. Why do I admit this sheer laziness? Well, I am not perfect and I am not going to be, ever (note to self). Also, since nobody is ever going to read this (except my poor sister-cause I sent her the link) nobody will ever know just how piss poor a human being I really am. I take that back; I am a grrrreat human being, just a supremely lazy one.Life is hard when you you have nothing to do; nothing to concentrate on but the odds of a successful pregnancy following an IUI. Oh sure I have mountains of laundry that I should do, two horribly filthy bathrooms that I should clean, and dirty dishes in the sink that I should wash, but I have...
More About: Lost , The V , Vacancy

Vices, Vices, Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink
2007-04-30 03:19:00
I am sure that many of you who stumble across this blog will convulse in shock at my horribleness, but it is my blog and my reality, so if you are perfectly perfect, you should probably read elsewhere. Those of you that do not mind my honesty and admitted failings, please stay as I could use some friends. Having said that, I hope at least one person actually finds my blog.The following represents the short list of my vices: coffee, cigarettes, Advil, Xanax, Zoloft, and an occasional Vicodin too (horrid migraines). These are not in order of preference, necessity, or regularity of indulgence, but I felt it necessary to mention them when discussing my less than herculean attempts to squelch said vices while trying to conceive. What does it matter for the moment anyway; my day 3 FSH is 16.9, I am 37, and my my pets don't complain...well, one does, but she is a cranky b*tch anyway-though I love her despite this fact.I started this blog after becoming addicted to reading a blog that I st...
More About: Drink , Here , Ever , Vice , Where