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Holy Sarcasm


Holy Sarcasm
A brave voyage through America covering news, current events, politics, government, sex, religion, the military, and society
Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4

Articles

Ms. South Carolina is Beautiful . . . and Stupid!
2007-08-27 20:24:00
Ms South Carolina was asked why so many Americans can't identify the U.S. on a map.  I'm not sure what she said when she answered - - I watched the video a few times and still couldn't tell you what she said. One thing for sure, she is beautiful and quite stupid.  I'm thinking she's one them who can't identify the U.S. on the map.  Oh well, at least she's beautiful.  
More About: Society , Stupid , Beautiful , South Carolina
Venezuela Preparing for U.S Invasion
2007-08-27 19:50:00
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is saying that he plans to buy 5,000 Dragunov sniper rifles from Russia to protect the oil-rich nation from a U.S. invasion.  He is an open critic of Washington DC who has bolstered the OPEC nation’s weaponry by buying planes, helicopters and assault rifles from Russia to prepare for a guerrilla-style resistance to a U.S. invasion.  "I’m going to buy 5,000 Dragunov rifles from Russia . . . with telescopic sight, the best in the world, with infrared night view," Chavez said during his weekly broadcast held on a beach along Venezuela’s eastern coast. "We will knock out any imperialist that approaches."  The U.S. has cut arms sales to Venezuela and blocked several attempts by Chavez to acquire military aircraft technology on the grounds that Venezuela has not adequately explained why it needs the equipment.  U.S. Assistant Secretary of Defense for Hemispheric Affairs Stephen Johnso...
More About: Politics , Venezuela , Invasion , Prep
Border Patrol Chief Insist Job is NOT to Stop Illegal Immigrants
2007-08-27 19:01:00
Our country has been over-run by illegal immigrants.  I think we just found out why - - the border patrol doesn't know it's still their job to stop it.  This is another horrific side-effect of 9-11.  The Border Patrol 's mission has been at the center of debates within the agency since the September 11 attacks.  Carlos X. Carrillo, (pictured on right) Border Patrol chief of Laredo, Texas, one of the nation's most dangerous Southwest border crossings says the agency's mission doesn't include apprehending illegal aliens or seizing narcotics — perplexing front-line agents and angering a congressional critic of illegal immigration.  "I've said it before and I'll say it again," he told guests at a town-hall meeting Thursday. "The Border Patrol's job is not to stop illegal immigrants. The Border Patrol's job is not to stop narcotics. ... The Border Patrol's mission is not to stop criminals. "The Border Patrol...
More About: Society , Illegal Immigrants , Chief , Stop
Brother and Sister Spread Flour, Now Charged with Felony
2007-08-27 18:10:00
Ever since 9-11 our Country has lost it's sense of humor.  New Haven, Conn., is a classic example of people who've "lost it." It's funny, yet sad.  New Haven ophthalmologist Daniel Salchow, 36, and his sister, Dorothee, 31, who was visiting from Hamburg, Germany, set off a massive scare while organizing a run for a local chapter of the Hash House Harriers, a worldwide group that bills itself as a “drinking club with a running problem.”  “Hares” are given the task of marking a trail to direct runners, throwing in some dead ends and forks as challenges.  The Salchows decided to route runners through the massive IKEA parking lot.   Soon police were fielding calls that people had sprinkled powder on the ground.  The store was evacuated and remained closed the rest of the night. The incident prompted a massive response from police in New Haven and surrounding towns.  Daniel Salchow, hearing about ...
More About: Society , Flour , Felony , Brother , Sister
Fast Facts about Attorney General Gonzalez
2007-08-27 16:21:00
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned.  Good!  Here are some facts about him.  - He was touted by the administration as an American success story. The son of migrant workers, he was born in San Antonio, Texas, in 1955 and grew up in a two-bedroom house in Texas with his parents and seven siblings. - His family spoke English at home, so although he has an understanding of Spanish, he is not comfortable speaking Spanish in public. - After attending the Air Force Academy, he received his undergraduate degree from Rice University and studied law at Harvard University. - He worked as a corporate attorney for a Houston law firm before being named general counsel to then-Texas Gov. George W. Bush. - He served as secretary of state of Texas from 1997-1999 and was appointed to the Texas Supreme Court in 1999. - After Bush won his first term as president, Gonzales was named White House counsel in January 2001, holding that job until becoming attorney...
More About: Politics , Facts , Attorney , Fast
Owen Wilson Hospitalized after Possible Suicide Attempt
2007-08-27 16:08:00
Actor Owen Wilson has been hospitalized after a possible suicide attempt.  Wilson had slit his left wrist and taken unidentified pills in an attempt to kill himself at his Santa Monica home.  Wilson was transported to Saint John's Health Center after being discovered by a family member who called 911.   Wilson, 38, has starred in a number of successful films, including "Wedding Crashers," "You, Me and Dupree," "The Royal Tenenbaums," for which he earned a writing Academy Award nomination, and "Zoolander." He is a member of Hollywood's "Frat Pack" and a notorious bachelor nicknamed "the Butterscotch Stallion."   
More About: Celebrities , Suicide , Ossi
Ted Haggard Returns - And Wants People to Give Him Money
2007-08-26 13:18:00
Remember Ted Haggard ?  He's back!  And he wants your money.  Haggard is is the founding pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado; a founder of the Association of Life-Giving Churches; and was leader of the National Association of Evangelicals from 2003 until November 2006.  Back in November 2006, he had to leave his leadership positions after accusations of homosexual sex and drug abuse were made by Mike Jones, a former male prostitute. Initially Haggard denied even knowing Mike Jones, but as a media investigation proceeded he acknowledged that some allegations, such as his purchase of methamphetamine, were true. He later added "sexual immorality" to his list of confessions. Haggard entered three weeks of intensive counseling, overseen by four ministers. On February 6, 2007, one of those ministers, Tim Ralph stated that Haggard "is completely heterosexual." Haggard is now living in Phoenix, AZ, and he wants people...
More About: Religion , People , Money , Give
Mega Church Pastors Divorcing
2007-08-25 13:56:00
Bishop Randy White and Pastor Paula White, are divorcing.  They are the co-creators of the mega church "Without Walls" in Tampa, Florida.
More About: Religion , Church , Mega , Pastors , Divo
And the Award for the "Most Fucked Up Family in America" Goes To . . .
2007-08-24 16:38:00
The family in which the Aunt hired hookers for a 12-year-old boy.  You can't make this up!  
More About: America , Family , Award , Goes
Top Ten Good Things About Marrying Into the Bush Family
2007-08-24 15:22:00
Another great "top 10" from David Letterman on August 20 Late Show, "Top Ten Good Things About Marrying Into the Bush Family ." 10. Great deals on Fallujah honeymoon 9. You'll inherit President Bush's extensive collection of Chuck Norris memorabilia 8. It's a good bet the wedding reception will have an open bar 7. Might see Cheney shoot an old guy -- still a reference, folks 6. Learning from Grandma Barbara how to spit chaw 5. Every Wednesday is Taco Night 4. What could be more fascinating than learning what makes Jeb tick? 3. If half the family hates you, you still have better approval rating than George Bush 2. W. can lend you the "Mission Accomplished" banner to put up in the bedroom 1. Little chance you'll be the dumbest guy in the family  
More About: Politics
Family Loses Second Son in Iraq
2007-08-24 15:08:00
An American family has lost their second son in Iraq due to a Blackhawk crash.  The crash killed 14 U.S. soldiers including Spc. Nathan Hubbard, 21, which became the second tragedy for his family. The Hubbards also lost Nathan’s older brother, Marine Lance Cpl. Jared Hubbard, to a roadside bomb in downtown Ramadi in 2004.  A third brother, Jason, will be returning home from Iraq to be with his family. source  
More About: Family , Military
U.S. Spy Boss Blabs All
2007-08-24 14:39:00
National Intelligence Director Mike McConnell exposed classified details of government surveillance and of a secretive court.  His comments -- made in an interview with the El Paso Times -- raised eyebrows for discussing classified eavesdropping work conducted under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, known as FISA.  Here is what he exposed:   - The private sector assisted with President Bush's warrantless surveillance program.  AT&T, Verizon and other telecommunications companies are being sued for their cooperation. - New details on court rulings handed down by the 11-member Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, which approves classified eavesdropping operations and whose proceedings are almost always entirely secret. He exposed a secret court ruling that went into effect May 31 requiring the government to get court warrants to monitor communications between two foreigners if the conversation travels on a wire in the U.S. netw...
More About: Politics , Boss
Wife Stabs Husband During Sex
2007-08-23 23:06:00
You have serious marital problems when your wife can't get through a hot sex session without stabbing you in the chest.  Police in Gilbert, AZ, have accused a 23-year-old woman of trying to kill her estranged husband by stabbing him in the chest with a kitchen knife during sex.  Falon Gonzales and her husband, 26-year-old Juan Carlos Gonzales, were having marital problems and had filed for divorce last month. Falon Gonzales arrived at the home, and while waiting for Gonzales to arrive, she contemplated whether to harm him by stabbing him with a kitchen knife that she placed in a duffel bag.  She put the knife in the duffel bag for the purpose of injuring him after she lured him to the bathroom to have sexual intercourse.  But instead they began kissing and she suggested they enter the master bedroom bathroom to have sexual intercourse.  Once disrobed, she told Gonzalez she was going to get sexual toys from the closet.  She...
More About: Wife , Husband
Evangelical Pastor Beats Up Another Pastor - His Wife!
2007-08-23 15:51:00
This is a "you've gotta be shittin' me" story showcasing our dear, sweet, evangelicals.  ; Over the course of years, so many evangelical ministers are more involved in money and political power and forget about "being a Christian."  In this classic example, evangelical pastor Thomas W. Weeks III had enough of his wife - - - met up with her at Renaissance Concourse Hotel near Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport  - - - and proceeded to beat her up.  A bellman at the hotel had to pull him off his wife.  By that time she was battered and purple bruising around her neck and upper torso.  This is where it gets really interesting.  It was discovered that his wife, Juanita Bynum, is also a very successful Pentecostal evangelical whose fiery and frank sermons about women’s empowerment have won her a national following.  She has parlayed her evangelism ...
More About: Religion , Wife , Evangelical , Beats , Pastor
Jenna Jameson Takes Her Boobies Out and Goes Home
2007-08-22 21:58:00
Yup!  It's True.  Porn legend Jenna Jameson took her boobies out and went home.  She's retiring for good.  No more sex for her.  She'll still run her $30 million-a-year ClubJenna empire and focus on a Hollywood biopic, a comic book and a clothing line, due out next year.  She's only 33 years old.  Would you do porn for a $30 milion-a-year empire?  Sheesh . . . I'd do it for half that! source  
More About: Home , Celebrities , Boobies
Beyonce and her Bouncing Boobies
2007-08-22 20:46:00
In a "Thank you Lord" event, Beyonce had a wardrobe malfunction and everybody got to see her bouncing boobies.  And . . . somebody got in a film.  Thank you Lord!  
More About: Celebrities , Boobies , Boob
Bankruptcy Lawyers "Stick it" to the Rich Priests
2007-08-22 19:48:00
In a hilarious "tit-for-tat," bankruptcy lawyers raped the Archdiocese of Portland when they submitted their bill.  Nearly $19 million! That'll help remind the priests not to abuse children.  The bill includes $10.8 million in fees and $1 million in expenses charged by four law firms representing the archdiocese, according to court documents filed Friday. The rest are expenses and fees charged by attorneys and experts working for other parties. The archdiocese emerged from bankruptcy in April after 175 people who claimed they were molested by priests or other church officials agreed to settle their cases for about $52 million. Another $20 million was set aside for those who come forward after an agreed deadline.  The archdiocese filed for protection from its creditors in July 2004.  Portland was the first archdiocese in the country to seek bankruptcy protection from sex abuse litigation. Dioceses in Tucson, Ariz.; Spokane; Davenport, Iowa; and San Dieg...
More About: Rich , Lawyers , Bankruptcy , Stick , Priest
Priests in South Carolina are Horny!
2007-08-22 19:27:00
Yes they are!  In fact they are so horny  that nearly 80 people are now eligible to join a class-action sex abuse settlement against the Roman Catholic Diocese of Charleston.  An exact number of victims covered by the settlement won't be known until the deadline for filing claims ends in four months. Potential victims and their relatives could begin making claims August 9.  Abuse victims could get anywhere from $10,000 to $200,000, while spouses and parents would receive $20,000. A judge formally approved the settlement July 30. source  
More About: Religion , South , South Carolina , Carolina , Horny
Pentagon Punch Drunk over Evangelical Junk
2007-08-22 19:11:00
Investigations have revealed that the Pentagon has had a disturbing relationship with private evangelical groups.  It also shows how our current administration ignores the Constitutional requirement of "Separation of Church and State."   In the first incident, after an investigation spurred by the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, the Pentagon abruptly announced that it would not be delivering “freedom packages” to our soldiers in Iraq, as it had originally intended.  The packages contained Bibles, proselytizing material in English and Arabic and the apocalyptic computer game “Left Behind: Eternal Forces” (derived from the series of post-Rapture novels), in which “soldiers for Christ” hunt down enemies who look suspiciously like U.N. peacekeepers.  The packages were put together by a fundamentalist Christian ministry called Operation Straight Up, or OSU. Headed by former kickboxer Jonathan Spinks, ...
More About: Religion , Evangelical , Drunk , Junk
Voices that Care
2007-08-21 21:48:00
During the "first" gulf war in 1991, "Voices that Care " was published with great fanfare.  It is a song written by David Foster, Linda Thompson and Peter Cetera and recorded by popular musicians, entertainers and athletes. The single and supporting documentary music video was intended to help boost the morale of US troops involved in Operation Desert Storm, as well as supporting the International Red Cross organization.  Foster invited Warren Wiebe, a friend and little-known vocalist at the time, to sing lead and deliver the last solo lines of the song.  "Voices That Care" reached number 11 on the Billboard Hot 100, number 3 on the Hot 100 Singles Sales, #13 on the Billboard Hot 100 Airplay, and number 6 on the Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks.  This song is still beautiful, and still appropriate.    
More About: Society , VOIC
Let's Take a Commercial Break
2007-08-21 19:29:00
. . . and stare at a beautiful woman.  One thing about these NOPI girls - - they're really beautiful, and kinda stupid.  Oh well.  Enjoy the video.  
More About: Society , Commercial , Break , Merc , Brea
Terrorist Accidentally Blows Self
2007-08-21 16:46:00
A mortar prematurely explodes killing the terrorist.
More About: Military , Terrorist , Ally , Cide
Comedy Central Makes to Iraq
2007-08-21 16:23:00
The Daily Show files their first report live from Iraq .
More About: Society , Comedy , Central , Comedy Central
Swinging a Growing Business
2007-08-21 13:53:00
Who would have thought that swinging would become so popular while our country is becoming so religious.  Lifestyles Organization, the nation's largest swinger services company, has annual sales of about $15 million.  Swingers also bring in millions of dollars to specialty clubs and hotels in the United States as well as Jamaica, Mexico, France and elsewhere. "We're talking about a lifestyle, but in reality we are also talking about a business," Robert McGinley, 73, the president of Lifestyles Organization, said during its annual convention in Las Vegas, which attracts about 900 couples.  Lifestyles Organization caters to a middle-class demographic who want to meet like-minded couples and who typically want to hide their passions from what they call "vanillas" (conventional couples).    Terri, 48, attending the convention from Boise, Idaho -- who asked that her last name not be published -- said she and her husband of 21 years spend as ...
More About: Business , Growing , Grow , Swinging , Sine
Congressman Charged with Assault
2007-08-21 13:14:00
Congressman Bob Filner, a California Democrat representing the San Diego precinct, was charged with assault Monday after an altercation Sunday night at Dulles Airport.  The Congressman assaulted an airline worker after becoming upset that his luggage had not arrived at a baggage carousel.   Filner, on his way to Iraq, is said to have entered an employees-only area at the airport and pushed an employee, who later decided to file charges. Filner has been ordered to appear in court October 1st. Source Visit his Congressional Website  
More About: Politics , Assault , Congressman , Char , Saul
A Skit can say it Best
2007-08-20 22:48:00
A funny and goofy skit about the U.S. military, the Iraqi civilians, the Shites, Sunnis, and Kurds.  
More About: Society , Skit
Declaration of Independence & Morgan Freeman
2007-08-20 22:34:00
Absolutely Beautiful!  This video is about our nation's Declaration of Independence .  I've never seen it or heard about it before.  It's a heart-touching account about the significance of that document.  Morgan Freeman, an outstanding citizen and actor, provides the political and historical backdrop and provides additional information about Thomas Jefferson.  The Declaration of Independence is then read by Mel Gibson, Kathy Bates, Kevin Spacey, Whoopi Goldberg, and others.     Did you catch the part in which Kevin Spacey Read? "That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effec...
More About: Society , Morgan Freeman
Five Congressmen Arrested
2007-08-20 21:37:00
Five Democratic Congressman were arrested by the U.S. Secret Service Uniform Division while protesting at the Sudanese embassy in Washington DC.  
More About: Politics , Arrested , Este , Five
Ten Lies Men tell Women
2007-08-20 15:57:00
10. No, you don't look fat 9. I don't enjoy going to strip joints 8. We'll talk about it later 7. You remind me of Jennifer Lopez 6. I love your cooking 5. I don't think of other women 4. You can use my razor to shave your legs 3. I love Meg Ryan movies 2. I love spending time with your mom 1. I'm sorry source  
More About: Women , Tell , Lies
Iraq is Wearing The Army Down
2007-08-20 14:51:00
Sapped by nearly six years of war, the Army has nearly exhausted its fighting force and its options if President Bush decides to extend the Iraq buildup beyond next spring. The A rmy’s 38 available combat units are deployed, just returning home or already tapped to go to Iraq, Afghanistan or elsewhere, leaving no fresh troops to replace five extra brigades that Bush sent to Baghdad this year.  That presents several painful choices if the Bush wants to maintain higher troop levels beyond the spring of 2008: - Using National Guard units on an accelerated schedule.  - Breaking the military’s pledge to keep soldiers in Iraq for no longer than 15 months.  - Breaching a commitment to give soldiers a full year at home before sending them back to war.   There are 18 Army brigades in Iraq, each with 3,500 soldiers. At least 13 more brigades are scheduled to rotate in. Two others are in Afghanistan and two additional ones are set to rotate in...
More About: Military
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