Holy Sarcasm Holy Sarcasm A brave voyage through America covering news, current events, politics, government, sex, religion, the military, and society Articles
Is Trent Lott being pushed out of the Closet?
2007-11-27 21:22:00 Let's meet Trent Lott . He's a powerful Republican Congressman from Mississippi. So powerful in fact that he's the "Republican Whip." An honest man. Married. Children. From the south. Conservative. Family values. In a rather unusual, and stunning political maneuver, this powerful man of congress suddenly announces that he's leaving congress. "Out of the blue. Quitting. Adiós. Goodbye. That's strange. But wait . . . remember Larry Flynt going public a few months back saying he was going "out" another hypocritical politician? A really powerful man, holding high office, living a lie and being hypocrite? Mmmmmm. Is Trent Lott the next GOP religious bigot to get nailed? Is he gay????? Gasp! No. Not Trent Lott! Say it's not true. Let's plunge deep into this backside of this gay rumor and see if we can find some shit. ... More About: Politics , Closet , Push
Kermit the whacker
2007-11-26 20:25:00 This is the funniest clip I've ever seen of Kermit. I didn't know Kermit was like this. Ok, all jokes aside, it's me when CNNs whacker-licious Robin Meade comes on in the morning. More About: Whack
This is me if I were a Girl
2007-09-26 16:16:00 If I were a girl, I'd be the clumbsiest, goofiest chick you've ever seen. This video would be me if I were a girl. Hilarious. More About: Girl , Were
Miss USA. Beautiful. Kinda Stupid.
2007-09-25 18:19:00 This cutie-pie is Miss USA, Rachel Smith. She's beautiful -- polished teeth, friendly smile, and beautiful skin color. Nice titties too. She recently went on the record saying, "I always wanted to be a reporter — maybe some TV. Who knows? Some serious news — but some modeling, too." Then stupid took over. She continued, "I just don't want to end up like Katie Couric. I want people to take me seriously." Yeah. She's stupid. Somebody should have done her a favor and told her that "modeling" and "TV reporter" just don't mix. And I love the innocent and inappropriate dig at Katie Couric. I'm a guy -- and I'd LOVE to end up like Katie Couric. Prestigious Job. Fame. Fortune. Single. Slutty. Katie is soooo lucky. Katie Couric's rep was contacted for a response and had this to say: "If she continues ... More About: Society , Stupid , Beautiful , Kinda
The Ugliest Hookers in the World!
2007-09-25 17:13:00 I have no idea what an "expensive hooker" looks like. I'd like to think that if a top-notch Las Vegas hooker charges $5,000 per hour, she'd better be at least as good looking as Robin Meade. Of course this is a moot point because I couldn't pay $5,000 if I wanted to. Maybe $200 with a GI discount. I have champagne taste and beer money. But . . . how about the ugliest hookers in the world? What do they look like, and how much do they charge? That answer is in Fort Payne, Alabama where a 62-year-old Grandma (pictured on left) and her daughter (pictured on right) have been arrested for prostitution. They are without a doubt the ugliest hookers in America. They epitomize "Holy Fuck!" But -- how much do they charge? This is the funny part. They both got arrested when they propositioned an undercover police officer for a mother-daughter-threesome for $15 each! Fifteen dollars?!?!?!... More About: World , The World , Hookers , Hook
What????
2007-09-25 15:52:00 The White House has gone on the record stating presidential hopeful Barack Obama won't be the next president of the United States: Obama is intellectually "capable" of the job, the official says, but he relies too much on easy charm. "It's sort of like, 'That's all I need to get by,' which bespeaks sort of a condescending attitude towards the voters ... and a laziness, an intellectual laziness." Ahem . . .cough . . . snort . . . choke . . . chuckle . . . BLOW JOB! BLOW JOB! The White House might actually be correct in their assessment of Senator Obama. However, the nation can't help but notice the obvious irony in this. There has been NO PRESIDENT who has relied MORE on his "easy charm" and is TOTALLY INTELLECTUALLY LAZY then George W. Bush. The ironies of life -- courtesy of our White House. More About: Politics
Drug Addict with a Sex Problem
2007-09-20 18:19:00 This story could also be titled "Sex addict with a drug problem." Either way, this man hit bottom in an embarrassing way. Jamie Thomas Lacey, 27, was home getting wasted on LSD and amphetamines, and upon reaching a point in which he was extremely aroused and needed sexual release, he broke into his neighbors house and proceeded to commit rape on some household appliances. His neighbor, a lady, later arrived home and found pornographic magazines and clothes strewn around, and a makeshift sex aid constructed from a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood and a latex glove. Her vacuum cleaner was in the bathroom -- and also a black carry bag filled with condoms, gloves, creams and a tapered wooden stick. The embarrassed man admitted to police that it was his "masturbation bag.'' The defense attorney argued there was no proof his client used the vacuum as a sex aid, but the judge retorted it was... More About: Problem , Drug , Addict
Federal Prosecutor From Pensacola FL Arrested in Michigan
2007-09-18 15:33:00 Yes, he's a federal prosecutor out of Pensacola, Florida. His name John David Roy Atchison, 53, he was arrested in Detroit, Michigan -- get this -- for federal charges that he flew to Michigan to have sex with a 5-year-old girl. He was charged with using interstate communication to entice a minor to have sexual contact and traveling across state lines with the intent of engaging in illicit sexual contact. Leading up to the arrest was months of Internet conversations between the Atchison and a detective posing as the mother of a 5-year-old girl. Atchison initiated an online chat with an undercover officer posing as a mother interested in letting men have sex with her daughter. Atchison referred to himself as "very much a family man." Between Aug. 31 and Sept. 12, Atchison had almost daily contact with Findlay. During several conversations, he described various sexual acts he wanted to perform with Findlay's fictitiou... More About: Arrested , Prosecutor
Making Bacon -- GI Style
2007-09-18 15:03:00 GIs love to make bacon. Especially after they've been out in the desert for a year. Many soldiers are home from an extended tour in Iraq, and the Fort Campbell, Ky., Army hospital is over-run with babies. They've got babies everywhere. Last month the delivery rooms popped out a record 242 babies -- and there's more bacon on the way. The installation hospital is predicting over 200 births per month all the way through March. Being in the military is great! They go to Iraq and get assigned "pillage" and "plunder" work details. Then they come home and polish up on their "rape" details. GI Joe is the man. source More About: Military , Style , Makin , Bacon
Lawmaker Begs Police to Shoot Him
2007-09-13 20:00:00 You know you've hit bottom when you beg police to drag you out to the forest and shoot you in the head. Such is the case with democratic Tennessee lawmaker Bob Riley -- who is the House Judiciary Chairman. He was arrested for vandalism, speeding, and a DUI. He's entered rehab for the second time. His career melt-down was captured on film. source Visit his official webpage More About: Politics , Police , Ice T , Shoot
Homeless Men Have it Hard
2007-09-12 19:28:00 Everybody knows men need pictures -- we just can't function properly without them. This of course implies that we've already downloaded our favorite porn pictures -- on our own computer -- in our own private area, like our home or bedroom. But what about homeless men? They have it hard. They have no pictures, no porn, no computer, no home. No Nothing. This is a serious dilemma. What does a homeless man do without a computer, magazines, porn, TV, DVD, VCR? He heads straight to the library! Such is the case with a 26-year-old homeless man in Winnipeg, Canada, who decided he was horny and wanted to take care of business. He enters the University of Manitoba's McDermot Avenue campus library, sits down at one of the computers, and makes himself comfortable as he surfs for porn. Upon seeing pictures that aroused him, he unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, and starts jacking off. Right there at the ... More About: Hard , Homeless , Mele
Sara Evans -- a Horny Slut?
2007-09-09 18:08:00 Sara Evans filed for divorce back in October, 2006, from Craig Schelske who ran for Congress as a Republican from Oregon's 5th District in 2002 and lost. The divorce has turned into a side show. She accused him of adultery, verbally and emotionally abusive, drank excessively and frequently watched pornography in their home." I assume that "watched pornography in their home" is a nice way of saying "the lazy bastard sat around all day and jacked off." Damn Republicans -- they got such an easy life. The "adultery" charged him with having sex with Alison Clinton, the nanny for their three children. Adding a "soap opera" twist to this celebrity divorce, Evans had been Alison Clinton's maid of honor. They were best of friends . . . until now. Alison Clinton not only denied the allegations but also filed a $3 million lawsuit against Evans and her attorneys claiming she is ... More About: Sara Evans , Celebrities , Sara , Slut
Paula Zahn -- Beautiful, Sexy -- Big Spender
2007-09-07 18:49:00 Paula Zahn is making the news again. Not that this story has much "value" to it other than it involves Paula Zahn. After 20 years, she and her husband are going through a nasty divorce. In papers filed in court, her husband states, "Taxes on her earnings, payments to her agent, and the $20 million cost of her Connecticut mansion alone (without even including the extravagant nature of Ms. Zahn's annual expenditures), consumed more than her entire income over their 20-year marriage," her husbands' filing says. Furthermore, a family friend (don't you just love those 'family friends') who asked not to be identified said she spent much of her salary - between $1 million and $2 million a year - on clothes. My God! If you spend $1 to $2 million a year on clothes, you better walk, look, dress, and act, like a hot, slutty, ulta-expensive $5,000-dollar-a-day, drop-dead-gorgeous Las Vegas hooker who looks... More About: Celebrities , Beautiful , Sexy , Paula , Paula Zahn
And the Award for "The Most Fucked Up Family in America" Goes to . . .
2007-09-07 16:20:00 The couple in Las Vegas who wanted a 15-year-old girl to live with them for his sexual pleasure. More About: Society , America , Family , Award , Goes
Pavarotti -- Ave Maria
2007-09-07 15:16:00 OK - - one more song from Pavarotti . More About: Celebrities , Mari , Maria
Pavarotti -- Nessun Dorma
2007-09-06 20:47:00 Pavarotti. Dead at 71 from cancer of the pancreas. He gave his last operatic performance at the New York Metropolitan on March 13, 2004 for which he received a 12-minute standing ovation for his role as the painter Mario Cavaradossi in Giacomo Puccini's Tosca. In February 2006, at the opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics in Turin, he brought the house down with his trademark Nessun Dorma aria. Soon after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer - - and had a tumor removed from his pancreas in New York in July, 2006, followed by five cycles of chemotherapy. Pancreatic cancer is one of the deadliest cancers -- patients diagnosed with the disease normally die soon after. The average survival length is 12 - 19 months. Cancer of the pancreas is met with the shortest median survival time out of all cancer types. It is rare that anyone survives pancreatic cancer. These are the terrible facts that he faced when dia... More About: Celebrities , Pavarotti
Woman Driver Plows Destroyer into Sandbar
2007-09-05 00:24:00 The USS Admiral Burke is a proud warship. She is one of the most advanced ships in service and is the only destroyer class currently in active US Navy service. She's expensive, fast, and deadly -- and she's the lead ship of her class. She bristles with the Mk 41 Vertical Launching System (VLS) that fires a butt-load of SEASPARROW missiles against hostile aircraft, other missiles, or surface units. She has Tomahawk missiles to blow the crap outta anybody. She has Harpoon missiles to blow you to smithereens, big ass guns, another 20-mm machine-gun that is awesome, and torpedoes to sink submarines. It's amazing how much shit is on-board, with steel armor reinforced with Kevlar, guns, top-secret radars, 4 engines, etc, etc. (Read more about this awesome ship here.) So what does the Navy do? They put a woman in charge of driving her!!!! Who - - then proceeds - - at high speeds - - into port ... More About: Military , Driver , Woman , Destroyer
Robin Meade - CNNs Whacker-licious Anchor Babe
2007-09-02 22:10:00 Robin Mead e is beautiful -- so beautiful in fact, she can be classified as a whacker -- much to the delight of millions of respectable men like me who enjoy seeing her beautiful face and impeccable makeup every morning. Yes, her makeup is beautiful! Her makeup is so sexy that men want to jump through the screen and 'slop-it-up' just for the fun of it. And I specifically chose that picture for the millions of appreciative "feet guys." Make sure you thank Atlanta photographer Frank Mullen for that special picture. Even her toes are kinda cute the way she has them all curled-up like ten little fat piggies. I'm not the best qualified foot-man around, but she does have adorable feet. And she has well-defined calves and proportionate ankles as well. I'm a certified leg man so I qualifed to make that judgement call. I searched for a picture of her in a miniskirt, panty... More About: Society , Babe , Robin , Whack
The Lady Who Eats the Chicken Farm
2007-09-02 18:55:00 Her name is Sonya Thomas, 40 years-old, 105-pounds, and is nick-named, "The Black Widow." She is famous for her ability to eat more food then big, fat, disgusting men. In Buffalo, NY, she won against 12 fat men by eating 173 wings in 12 minutes to win the wing-eating contest at the National Buffalo Wing Festival. That's a whopping 5.17 pounds of wings. She also held the festival's previous record of 161 wings in 12 minutes, set in 2004. She has other records in competitive eating events, including 37 hot dogs in 12 minutes; 35 bratwursts in 10 minutes; 11 pounds of cheesecake in 9 minutes; 44 lobsters in 12 minutes; and 250 Tater Tots in 5 minutes. She is ranked No. 5 by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. Her most famous competition was 37 hot dogs in 12 minutes (July 4, 2005 at Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest), setting a then-record for American competitors (which was also the female record... More About: Society , Lady , Chicken , Farm
Baptist Minister Going to Hell - - Via Prison
2007-09-01 16:56:00 A Baptist minister, John Henry Walker, just got himself an express ticket to hell. But first he's got a long layover in prison before he arrives at his final destination. Before his arrival in hell, he must do more than five years in prison. This outstanding "Man of God" pleaded guilty to tax evasion, bank fraud and lying to federal agents - - and was found guilty of tax evasion and stealing from his Charlotte, NC, congregation. In addition, U.S. District Judge Frank Whitney also ordered the 48-year-old pastor of Macedonia Baptist Church to pay more than $277,000 in restitution to the government. His wife, Rosie, an associate minister at the church had not been charged. The prosecutor, Assistant U.S. Attorney Kurt Meyers, cast Walker as unrepentant and as a minister who used charisma and bullying to get congregation members to help him steal money from the church for years. &ldqu... More About: Religion , Prison , Hell , Minister
Top News Websites
2007-08-30 15:05:00 Where do people go online to get their news? Here is the list. Whoo Hooo! We got on the list. Ok . . . in all truthiness, we didn't even register. But we can dream, can't we? 1. Yahoo! News news.yahoo.com 2. The Weather Channel - US www.weather.com 3. CNN.com www.cnn.com 4. MSNBC www.msnbc.com 5. Google News news.google.com 6. Yahoo! Weather weather.yahoo.com ... More About: Society , Websites
David Letterman's "Top Ten Reasons Alberto Gonzales Resigned"
2007-08-30 14:25:00 10. Felt he wasn't incompetent enough for the Bush administration 9. Secretly ordered himself to fire himself 8. Was offered the John Travolta role in the touring production of "Hairspray" 7. Trying his hand at failing miserably in the private sector 6. Didn't want to be around for transition to the Kucinich administration 5. Instead of terrorism, trying to keep Lindsay and Paris off the streets 4. Got a sweet new job at Kinko's 3. Letterman has a guy making a sand sculpture of Biff Henderson 2. Ran out of laws to circumvent 1. Why not go out on top? More About: Politics , Alberto Gonzales , David , Resigned , Reasons
Rich Bitch
2007-08-29 19:57:00 That's a rich bitch. The dog. The old bitch is Leona Helmsley, "The Queen of Mean," who died earlier this month at her Connecticut home. The old bitch left the little white bitch, her beloved Maltese named Trouble, who lived up to her name by biting a housekeeper, a $12 million dollar trust fund. "I direct that when my dog, Trouble, dies, her remains shall be buried next to my remains in the Helmsley mausoleum," she stated in her will. The mausoleum was also to be "washed or steam-cleaned at least once a year." She provided $3 million for the upkeep of her final resting place in Westchester County, where she is buried with her husband, Harry Helmsley. She also left millions for her brother, Alvin Rosenthal, who was named to care for Trouble in her absence. She gave $5 million to two of four grandchildren from her late son Jay Panzirer so long as they visit their father's... More About: Society , Rich , Bitch
Celebrity Links of the Day
2007-08-28 22:05:00 Kirsten Dunst has big feet and ugly legs Jessica Simpson has beautiful boobies in this tight tank top Jennifer Aniston is whacker-licious in her bikini Jenna Jameson french kissing (disgusting) Alyssa Milano is beautiful - - and hairy arms Elle McPhearson is 43 - - with a whacker-licious body Wouldn't you love to have a slice of that Ohhh Gawwd Daammn!! What did Renée Zellweger do to herself??? Vida Guerra is a whacker! Mariah Carey looks hot in her bikini More About: Celebrity , Celebrities , Links , The D
Were Siegfried & Roy Perverts?
2007-08-28 20:13:00 An unauthorized tell-all book by Siegfried & Roy's former bodyguards could lift the curtain on "the darker side" of the illusionists' lives. "Buried Elephants: Siegfried and Roy's Secrets Revealed" will be on the book stands in January, written by Jim Mydlach, his son Lou Mydlach and Jim Lavery. Mydlach was in charge of security for the German illusionists for more than 20 years. Lou Mydlach was Horn's bodyguard and personal assistant in the year after the near-fatal tiger incident in October 2003. Lavery was Lynette Chappell's boyfriend for more than 20 years. She was Siegfried & Roy's longtime stage assistant. The book's title refers to the "secret disposal of dead animals, including an elephant buried in Las Vegas, with homes since built over the site." The authors also allege "drug and alcohol abuse, including fake prescriptions and rehab stints," jewelry smuggling in tige... More About: Celebrities , Perverts , Were , Vert
The Airliner of the Future
2007-08-28 19:57:00 Boeing Aircraft is creating the "Dreamliner," a midsize plane that will seat between 200 and 300. This beautiful aircraft features a 6-foot-wide cabin entry set off by dropped arches. The arched ceiling adds an enticing sense of visual space to business and first class, and illuminated by arrays of light emitting diodes, both the brightness and the color of the sky-like cabin ceiling can be controlled in flight by the crew. Flight attendants can give passengers a sense of daylight when desired, and when they want to help passengers rest, simulate a beautiful nighttime sky. source Boeing's Dreamliner Pictures More About: Society , Future , The Future
Paula Zahn is a Hot Slut
2007-08-28 19:29:00 Paula Zahn's words of love are coming back to haunt her now that the newswoman's estranged husband has his hands on a diary that lays bare her secret affair with another tycoon. "It's Paula's love book," a source tells us. "It documents her tryst" with married ContiGroup CEO Paul Fribourg (pictured on right). What's in the private journal? "It's quite lurid," says the source. "Let's leave it at that." The multimillionaire developer who has been the ex-CNN anchor's husband for 20 years, discovered the diary with their 17-year-old daughter, Haley, according to another source. Friends of Zahn, 51, claim Cohen, 59, showed the diary to Haley and her brother, Jared, 13. "It was unnecessary and hurtful," says one pal, who contends Cohen has been "telling people all over town about the diary." "Richard has never shown the diary to his other children [other than Haley]," argues one friend. "Rich... More About: Society , Paula , Paula Zahn , Slut , Aula
Sen Larry Craig Craves Dickheads. Really!
2007-08-28 16:40:00 Republican Senator Larry Craig , 62, from Idaho craves a delicious dickhead every now and then. He has plead guilty to charges of misdemeanor disorderly conduct after police witnessed him engaging in lewd behavior in the mens restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Here's what happened: Senator Craig entered the mens restroom and lingered outside a stall occupied by a plainclothes police officer. Unknown to Senator Craig, police were at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport conducting sting operations to investigate allegations of lewd conduct at the airport's main terminal. Senator Craig kept watching an undercover police officer through the crack created by the hinges in the stall. Now feeling horny and invincible he entered the next-door stall and placed his luggage against the opening under the stall door. Gay men use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall.&nb... More About: Politics , Larry Craig , Heads
Explosive Movie hitting the Theaters
2007-08-27 21:07:00 An explosive movie "No End in Sight" about Iraq is hitting the theaters now. I doubt that President Bush, Vice President Cheney, neo-cons, far-right extremists, "peace critics," and other people who never served in uniform but want war, will appreciate this movie. Yes, I'm being a little facetious. More About: Society , Movie , Eater , Heaters , Thea
Adam Corolla hangs up on Ann Coulter
More articles from this author:2007-08-27 20:45:00 This is a funny audio clip of Adam Corolla hanging up on Ann Coulter during his radio show. More About: Society 1, 2, 3, 4 |
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