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Rabid Government MP Warns of Looming Moslem Tide
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Former Veterans' Affairs Minister and Liberal Member of Parliament for the electorate of Hunter Danna Sue Vale, has today taken a characteristically unequivocal position on ongoing debate in Australia on the termination of pregnancy.But while most of those commentating on the issue have restrained themselves to consideration of the immediate implications of abortion for the woman ,Ms Vale has taken the long view, warning that by dint of reproduction alone fertile Moslem citizens could make Australia an Islamic nation within fifty years, if we other Australians continue to abort ourselves almost out of existence.
More About: Government , Ming , Tide

Glow in the Dark Australian Troops Amuse Mujehadin
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Shortcomings with military equipment and issues with Defence Force apparel made public in Australia several days ago are humiliating for Diggers serving in fashion-conscious foreign countries, but have for some months been providing a comical contrast for Arab warriors usually occupied with the serious business of bleeding the resources of the invader.
More About: Dark , Australian , The Dark , Troops , Glow

More Embassies Burn After Fumbled Presidential Remarks
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In the wake of world-wide riots, unrest and violence over the publication of cartoons that represent an insult to Islam, US President George W Bush yesterday spoke from his Washington pulpit in a message screened on prominent television networks in the Arab world in order that gentle chiding and calming words of peace and optimism from the powerful American leader might bring controversy over the publication in a Danish newspaper of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed to an end.
More About: Presidential , Bled , Resident , Burn

Health Minister Put Down on Termination Pill
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A statement made by US President George W Bush yesterday from his Washington pulpit and screened on prominent television network in the Arab world in order that gentle chiding and calming words of peace and optimism from the powerful American leader might bring controversy over the publication in a Danish newspaper of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed to an end.
More About: Health , Minister , Term , Mina , Heal

Australian Children pay lip service to State
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In the absence of any genuine patriotic or community sentiment in Sydney, a city defined by a heady, rapacious spirit of mutual exploitation, children will in future be forced instead to perform a daily simulation of loyalty as part of the regular curriculum, with the mandatory singing of the national anthem in schools throughout the State .
More About: Children , Service , Australian , Lip Service

IPA Humorous Time Capsule Project Applauded
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The Irony Party of Australia's new Ironic Time Capsule Project , which will see audio recordings left for descendents of current humans living 100 years in the future, has been applauded by community and environment groups and welcomed by museums and heritage organisations as an important work of historical documentation.
More About: Humorous , Time Capsule

Aerial Shark Patrols resume
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Media reports of the death of a 21-year-old woman at Stradbroke Island as a result of an attack by several bull-sharks have begun the annual debate held in Australia on the proper response to the growing threat posed by sharks.
More About: Resume , Shark

Snake in the grass
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Vicious elitist neofascist columnist and Murdoch hack Janet Albrechtsen has been appointed to the ABC board, leaving the Government open to criticism it has abandoned covert attacks on the capable public broadcasting network and instead resorted to the throwing of grenades.
More About: Snake , Grass , The G

Minister Announces Opaque Inquiry
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In the wake of revelations an Australian resident suffering from schizophrenia has been accidentally held in immigration detention for the last 10 months, Immigration Minister Senator Amanda Vanstone yesterday announced an opaque inquiry will be conducted into the unfortunate mis-gaoling
More About: Anno

To the person sitting in darkness
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The recent speeches of US President George W Bush, at his inauguration and in making the 2005 State of the Union address, bear an uncanny resemblance to a century-old speech given by that other great American, and head of the anti-imperialist league, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)
More About: Person , Darkness

Survey concludes world fine, people happy
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A survey conducted by survey conductors Hun and Backdoor has found eighty percent of Australians are in full support of global free trade, and advocate a transition to a single global currency by the year 2020.
More About: People , World , Survey , Happy , Fine

Disney study finds TV beneficial for children
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A study commissioned by US-based entertainment giant Disney has found television has positive effects on children, despite all evidence to the contrary.
More About: Children , Study

Free, Democratic Martial Law in Iraq
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In a bold new step for Iraq i democracy Interim Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi has declared martial law across the country for the good of all citizens for a period of 60 days. A spokesman said the interim Prime Minister would announce details of the state of emergency in the morning, once he's had time to consider exactly which powers he would prefer.
More About: Democratic , Free , Martial Law , Martial

Outlored: Australia's History Wars
2007-08-28 00:00:00
At last, setting aside the bickering and histrionics, the Irony Party of Australia presents serious analysis of the difficult controversy over Australia's recent brutal (or picturesque) past.
More About: History , Wars , Tory

Labor Election Blunder: Yoda passed up for Prime Minister
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In the wake of the recent Australian federal election post-election analysis has revealed one great and glaring error: things could have been different if only the ALP had elected as its leader the one politician on its benches who to some extent resembles Yoda , the famous Jedi master.
More About: Prime Minister , Election , Labor , Minister

Corporate slut of the month: John Gay
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The Irony Party of Australia congratulates Gunns Tasmania's managing director John Gay, the recipient of the prestigious Irony Party Corporate Slut of the Month Award for the month of December 2004.
More About: Rate

US brings freedom to Falluja
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Suspending irony momentarily the IPA extends all sympathy and solidarity to the people of Fallujah, civilians and independence fighters currently on the deadly front line of the American imperial advance.
More About: Freedom

America's Least Wanted
2007-08-28 00:00:00
After careful scrutiny and investigation over a period of three years,the most innocent man in the United States has finally been identified.
More About: Wanted

Australia prepares covert US invasion
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The Australia n Government's defence strategy as it currently stands is superficially uncomplicated. Overtly, of course, the policy is fawning obeisance to the United States. But in the wake of Bush's re-election, there is evidence emerging the Government are already stockpiling weapons in preparation for an attack on the United States, even as they schmooze ambassadors and publicly compliment the bold initiateevs of their US counterparts in ever more flowery prose
More About: Invasion , Vert , Ares , Pare

Music Piracy Down: People now burning own CDs
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Research indicates global music piracy has fallen to new lows, with a significant proportion of all music now obtained through direct download from the Internet or purchases in countries where Western corporate pirates have less control
More About: Music , People , Piracy , Burning , Burn

Pig shoots man
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Queensland police claim a misunderstood simile is to blame for their inability to locate a large hunting knife after a 29-year-old Gold Coast resident was last night fatally shot by an industrious and deadly accurate officer of the law.
More About: Shoots , Shoot

Foreign Affairs denied child-care molestation investigation
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Horrifying reports of the sexual abuse of young children in child-care centres catering to tourists in Bali have led to demands for Australian Government action to publicise the threat and prevent similar occurrences in future. But Foreign Minister Alexander Downer today cautioned against pushing for wide-ranging investigation of overseas child-care centres by DFAT officials, suggesting such a policy might ultimately prove counter-productive.
More About: Care , Molestation , Foreign affairs , Investigation

Bear Mountain
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The Hollywood film Brokeback Mount ain will not be screened at some cinemas in Washington State and in Salt Lake City in the United States' bible belt, raising concerns about censorship and the resurgence of overt prejudice among civil libertarians in the United States.
More About: Bear

Contempt for America unmistakeable in French bulletin
2007-08-28 00:00:00
To the English speaker it is unknown exactly what a report on Microsoft and chairman Bill Gates on a French news bulletin on SBS television yesterday morning was about. What was clear, however, without any need for French language comprehension, was the contempt, disgust, and disdain evident from newsreader, reporter, and anyone involved for the subjects of the story on the US software corporation.
More About: America , Bulletin , Contempt , Temp

Miners alive - no, wait - dead.
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Today is the worst day of International Coal Group president Ben Hatfield's life. The deaths of 12 miners at a facility owned by ICG,which was initially misreported, could see legal action brought against the corporation and executive bonuses reduced for the 2005-06 financial year.
More About: Dead , Miners , Alive , Wait

US-Australia Defence Plans Indicate Fewer Future Invasions
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Reports the Australia n Government will reduce by half an order for joint fighter-bomber aircraft has raised concerns about Australia's ability to properly resource its Defence Force.
More About: Future , Plans , Indica

Petulant Westerners Gripe Over Global Hot
2007-08-28 00:00:00
With some bleating westerners now awash in floods in Los Angeles and San Francisco, fires, and freakishly cold conditions taking hold in Europe, shrill squeaks and cries can be heard from Western scientists who argue industrialisation is the cause of a wide range of uncomfortable conditions through the phenomenon of global warming caused by increased Greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.
More About: Global , Westerners , Este , Sterne , Gripe

Analysts convinced replacement Packer utter bastard
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Following the surprisingly honourable death of mogul Kerry Packer on Monday night there were concerns the share price of Packer's Publishing and Broadcasting Limited would fall sharply when the Australian Stock Exchange reopened after the Christmas break yesterday.
More About: Bastard , Vince , Anal

Americanised humans say yuman
2007-08-28 00:00:00
An Australian study commissioned as part of a Government-inspired Australia wide psychosis in a time of high nationalism, paranoia and loathing has found linguistic traits could indicate the traitorous allegiance of high-placed Australians to a dangerous foreign power.
More About: Humans , Yuma , Cani , Mans

new service: daily news updates
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Now at the Irony Party of Australia daily news updates on unfolding events from around the world. Enjoy up-to-the minute disaster, mayhem and carnage as the world is brought kicking and screaming to account on the Irony Party Electronic Pamphlet's sterling News in Brief page.
More About: Daily , Daily News , Service , Updates