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Taking Tea with a Totalitarian: Putin, APEC, and Uranium
2007-09-13 00:00:00
Prime Minister John Howard has signed an historic deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin for the sale of Australian uranium to the totalitarian dictatorship-turned beacon of democracy. Mr Howard told reporters he is pleased that Australian radioactive materials could soon be poisoning Russian investigative journalists across Europe.
More About: Uranium , APEC , Taking , Alita

The Lucky Country
2007-09-13 00:00:00
In the midst of unprecedented security associated with the APEC summit about to begin in Sydney, Australians are perhaps reflecting this evening how fortunate it is that this is a liberal, democratic nation, founded on the ideals of political and social freedom, and dedicated to the preservation of these ideals and freedoms in perpetuity.
More About: Country , Lucky

Premier Hu Jintao And Others in Australia for APEC Summit
2007-09-06 00:00:00
Some president or something or whatever they have over there from one of those Northern Hemisphere countries arrived in Sydney at 10 p.m this evening to participate in an APEC meeting with 20 other world leaders, on the same day that Chinese President Hu Jintao set down 300 kilometres away in Canberra for a little light pre-summit diplomacy.
More About: Australia , Summit , Remi

Two Billion Dollar Delusion Inadequate
2007-09-04 00:00:00
A recent accounting of Government advertising and public relations over the 11 years of the incumbents' reign puts the total spend over the period at more than $2 billion dollars. Health Minister Tony Abbott has defended the record expenditure, but critics say the enormous fund should have easily been enough to allow the Government to create in the Australian people a sense of perfect contentment and unreserved satisfaction with all aspects of the ruling party's agenda and conduct.
More About: Dollar , Doll , Nade , Billion , Quat

Labor Pledges to Fuck Workers, Fellate The Man
2007-08-31 00:00:00
On the day the Australian Labor Party launched its workplace relations policy ahead of the coming election, the long-standing Opposition Party has attempted to have a bet each way. The ALP has promising to restore the power of trade unions by forcing Australian workers to be signatory to union-negotiated 'Awards'. But at the same time, the Party's Deputy Leader Julia Gillard has given a clear indication the Party has abandoned its role as a defender of the rights of the ordinary worker, instead pledging to support employees and executives with equal fervour.
More About: Workers , Fuck , The Man , Worker

Democracy Untenable, says Election-savvy Reality TV Generation
2007-08-31 00:00:00
Big Brother, Survivor and other reality televisions shows are widely considered a blight on Western civilisation and a symptom of serious cultural decline a la Marcuse. But new research suggests young people who have fallen victim to the vacuous eye-candy have been inadvertently schooled in one area of relevance to civic life - namely matters related to the ballot. The vote. Election .
More About: Reality , Democracy , Savvy , Generation

Greens Roll Over on Rolled Greens
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Faced with the daunting prospect of electoral success in the upcoming Tasmanian State election the local Greens have already begun practising an unfamiliar pragmatism, reversing their liberal policies on the decriminalisation of marijuana for personal use.
More About: Roll

Funds Flag Rise in Price of Fuck All
2007-08-28 00:00:00
After Australian private health funds today unveiled their proposal for a five to seven per cent increase in the cost of private health insurance premiums the Federal Government promised the new deal would be heavily scrutinised before it is approved with a small face-saving reduction in the New Year.
More About: Price , Flag , Rise , Funds , Fuck

Humans unviable
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In a surprise announcement yesterday the ACT Chief Minister unveiled new measures which will see humans permanently vacate the Territory as a part of a cost-cutting programme sparked by tight budgetary conditions.
More About: Humans , Mans

Patriotic Australians Eat Vegemite on Invasion Day
2007-08-28 00:00:00
On this the 26th of January 2006 many Australians will today reach for the traditional fare in celebration of the country's national day, breaking the fast this morning with the time-honoured vegemite on toast.
More About: Invasion , Trio

Whitey in Australia Day
2007-08-28 00:00:00
As part of the celebration of Australia Day, or Invasion Day, as the 26th of January is also known, the annual ceremonial and symbolic slitting of the throat of Whitey will be conducted on the steps of Parliament house to festive music and wild applause.
More About: Australia Day

Police Cat-burglar Steals Tattered Flag
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The irony in the surreptitious raid on a Melbourne art gallery and the removal of a work depicting a burnt national flag may be lost on those surreptitious Victorian policefolk that undertook the intrepid mission, the censorious, jowly politicians that likely ordered it's removal, and the sad, brittle State-loving citizens that took it upon themselves to make the necessary initial complaint.
More About: Police , Flag , Steals , Poli

Sedition Provisions
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Attorney-General Philip Ruddock suggests new sedition provisions passed through the Australian Parliament will not affect those who openly state their belief that the so-called and ongoing liberation of Iraq was actually an illegal invasion. However, this morning on Channel Nine's Today programme the Attorney-General was at pains to explain that those that vocally support the use of force or violence against Australian institutions, including the Australian Defence Force, could indeed prove to be in breach of the new laws.
More About: Sedition , Provision , Visions

Australian people tamed: new fuel price rise largely unmentioned
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Despite a substantial increase in petrol prices in recent weeks, the people have been subdued in their response. This calm acceptance indicates the oil conglomerates, together with Ministers and their experts in public relations have tamed and successfully sedated the Australian population. Quiet acceptance of the financial burden contrasts sharply with endless complaints heard only months ago, when petrol prices rose suddenly to $1.30 a litre, ostensibly on the back of a bad hurricane season for the United States and More Trouble in Iraq.
More About: People , Fuel , Price , Rise

Corporate innovation:fuckable database
2007-08-28 00:00:00
For some time frustrated accountants, administrators, clerks, copywriters, and data entry workers have been calling for a solution to human unfriendly sites of employment. Now an answer may be in sight, with the announcement of the development of a fuckable database designed to relieve office tensions and promote improved workplace synergies.
More About: Corporate , Innovation , Database , Rate , Base

Heavy Smokers Take Heart from Health Study
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Anti-smoking campaigners may consider withdrawing a new advertising campaign promoting a medical study on the effects of tasteless low-tar cigarets after concerns were expressed the study itself could prove to have adverse implications, ironically reinvigorating the interest of heavy smokers in the delicious, sophisticated habit and reassuring them of their prospects of longevity and excellent health.
More About: Health , Study , Heart , Heavy , Smokers

The Amazing Legoboy
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The amazing Legoboy, who has compassionately been given an autocue reading job on Sky News Television by a magnanimous consortium comprising Australian television networks and global media giant News Corporation, this morning managed to sit up straight and read his autocue for hours in a thin, reedy voice, and everybody at the network is just terribly, terribly, pleased.
More About: Amazing , Gobo

Papparazzi Misrepresented In Tabloid Media
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Photographers who sprayed Heath Ledger with water at the film premiere for the controversial Hollywood movie Brokeback Mountain have defended their actions after they were widely criticised by many involved in the symbiotic celebrity industry.
More About: Media , Appa , Tabloid , Resent

Face of Foreign Minister Violated on TV
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A Department of Fore ign Affairs spokesman has described the violation of the face of Foreign Minister Alexander Downer on national television this morning as 'disgraceful' and 'seditious', and warned of serious repercussions for those interfering with the heads of senior Government figures, electronically or otherwise.
More About: Face , Viol

Hamas gains legitimacy in Palestine election win
2007-08-28 00:00:00
The militant Hamas political movement has been successful in a general election in the Palestinian quarter of the disputed region of Israel with news the ruling Fatah Faction, formerly headed by Palestinian luminary Yasser Arafat, has conceded defeat. Minutes ago, incumbent Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qorei announced he would resign his position in the face of electoral defeat, and said Hamas would be invited to form a new Palestinian Government.
More About: Palestine , Election , Legit , Legi

US Anchor Inflated in Iraq
2007-08-28 00:00:00
After US television network ABC learned yesterday that news anchor Bob Woodruff has been seriously injured in a roadside bombing in Iraq , executives, colleagues, and crew at the station were momentarily concerned and alarmed.
More About: Flat

Avian flu pandemic profit potential revived
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A breakthrough in the United States in the development of a radical new vaccine for avian influenza has re-ignited confidence in the pandemic disease industry and reassured executives perturbed the disease could prove an expensive white elephant with no profit potential.
More About: Profit , Pandemic , Demi , Tent

Irving Denies Holocaust Denial
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Infamous historian David Irving appeared surprised as he was sentenced in Austria today to three years imprisonment for the crime of Holocaust denial. During the one day trial the controversial academic was taken to task over comments made in Austria in 1989, when Irving refuted the extent of the Jewish Holocaust of the 1940s despite overwhelming evidence millions of people were put to death in mass slaughter facilities at the order of the German National Socialist regime.
More About: Holocaust Denial , Denial , Loca

Danish Artist Rethinks Mohammed Caricature Publication
2007-08-28 00:00:00
One of 12 Danish cartoonists embroiled in controversy over the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mahommed has spoken to the media about the unexpected global reaction to the blasphemous pictures, admitting that on balance he might hesitate before submitting his depiction of Mohammed to newspaper Jyllands-Posten if, with the benefit of hindsight, he had the time over again.
More About: Artist , Caricature , Publication

US Concerns New Torture Pictures Could Create Wrong Impression
2007-08-28 00:00:00
A spokesman for the US State Department has described the broadcast of newly leaked pictures of the mistreatment of prisoners held by the Coalition in Iraq by as 'unnecessarily provocative and irresponsible', suggesting the screening of images of horrific abuse could create an impression the world's only superpower is less than scrupulously and fanatically fair and humane in its handling and interrogation of prisoners captured by necessity in the course of the Global War on Terror.
More About: Pictures , Torture , Wrong , Create , Impress

Cheney Outgunned by Iraqi Quail Hunter
2007-08-28 00:00:00
While US Vice-President Dick Chen ey is being praised for the quick thinking and finely-honed reflexes that automatically swung into play during an emergency at a recent quail hunt, elsewhere in the world the Veep's gun-slinging exploits have been pushed from television screens and web by reports on the adventures of pin-up crack shot insurgent sniper Juba, a quasi-mythical quail hunter thought to be responsible for capturing at least four dozen brace of exotic game in recent years in Iraq.
More About: Hunter , Iraqi , Hunt

CD Pirates Exploit Download Technology
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Remember when getting hold of the works of a favourite musician meant going into a 'shop' in a 'mall' and handing over money for a small factory-manufactured disc?
More About: Technology , Pirates , Download , Exploit , Rate

Police Officer Injured in Ironic Shooting in Victoria
2007-08-28 00:00:00
In an ironic reversal of fortune a Victoria n police officer has been shot in the leg during an altercation with a member of the public in the Melbourne suburb of Sydenham on Sunday.
More About: Police , Shooting , Ironic , Poli

Vale Rises to Dress Down Sleazy ABC
2007-08-28 00:00:00
There have been a flurry of statements last night and this morning from Government politicians wishing to distance themselves from a contribution made by the Member for Hunter Danna Vale on the controversial debate over the approval of the chemical termination drug RU486, while asserting that Ms Vale is a charming and delightful woman without a xenophobic bone in her body.
More About: Dress

Dangerous Gypsy Family Destroyed By Powerful US Military
2007-08-28 00:00:00
Four children from a malevolent Gypsy family are today recovering in hospital after a prompt and overwhelming missile attack that left two women, the masterminds of the family, dead. After Coalition troops stationed near the Afghani-Pakistan border were fired upon last weekend, there was quick retaliation.from the superb forces of Freedom against the devastating destructive potential of impoverished nomads eking out an existence in tent villages in the region after a series of natural and human-made disasters.
More About: Family , Military , US Military , Dangerous