Asymmetric Asymmetric 38 years in the making, I present Asymmetric. I have sections for movie, book and television reviews; moderate political commentary; Catholicism and religion; Cuban music; tech reviews; military stuff; and some things I think are funny. Enjoy Articles
Asymmetric obtains advance copy of Obama speech to schoolchildren
2009-09-08 13:03:00 Obama address to nation Asymmetric has gotten a hold of Obama's speech to the nation's children. It's been significantly revised from the original (below): Children of America, I am your president. Ready? 3-2-1: Implement Operation Hope... Your teachers should be out of the class and those of your classmates not down for the program should be restrained. OK. Let's begin: Children, you will live in the future for a long time- longer than anybody else (which makes you more important than your parents, if you think about it). You want a tomorrow in which you won't have to worry about school, health care, mp3 downloads, food, intermittent internet access, unwanted births, skating rights, mommy-style jeans, pollution, dead animals, super-hot climates where you'll never be able to wear cute sweaters. Not only that, you desire a hopeful world that will give you stuff in exchange for a little hope and fairness on your part. It's your right. But some people don't want to gi... More About: Obama , Copy , Speech
I performed three manly tasks in one week
2009-09-03 08:28:00 I did three manly things in one week, fulfilling my quota for 2009 (it's good to get things out of the way early). The first thing I did was train my sons in the martial arts. Antonio, 8, below: Yes, America: somebody will have your back in 2020. Next, my older son told his mother that a kid who who lives down the block threatened my son and insulted my wife in ways which I won't get into now, but that the kid probably learned from a rap video. My wife wanted to call the cops or go confront the mother herself. OK. First, I assessed the threat level. If the kid was by himself, "you should go up and tell him something, son." No, he was with some older boys. Too dangerous. Next, as I read in the National Review years ago that husbands are the representatives of the household, I told my wife that I'd handle it myself. I went and talked to the kid's parents and they saw it my way. Problem solved. Wife felt taken-care-of (womanly) and my son felt proud. Next day, the kid di... More About: Week , Tasks
Penn and Teller anti-Catholics
2009-09-02 06:30:00 It's better to be loved than hated. This is only true if you're loved and hated for the correct reasons. Conversely, it's better to be hated than loved if one is hated unjustly and doesn't truly merit love. I take great pride in my Catholic faith when somebody, in order to attack it, has to lie. Such is the case with Penn and Teller's show on the Vatican. The funny thing is that there are some legitimate, if less dramatic, criticisms they could have made. Instead, they went for the conspiracy theorist, "all evil flows from..." angle. Bill Donohue has a response here. I plan on asking for a rebuke of lies (only) from CBS representative Nancy Tellem: nancy.tellem@tvc.cbs.com I don't have time to go over the show, but let me just rebut one: the Church has saved millions of lives in Africa because of her teachings on condoms and chastity. SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title : 'Penn and Teller anti-Catholics ', url : 'http://www.nelsong... More About: Catholicism , Anti
Murders in the Rue Morgue: Play chess online
2009-09-01 20:32:00 I enjoy the precise prose, Marx-free themes, and sense of decency of the pre-modern writers, even though things can get stuffy at times. Murders in the Rue Morgue, sometimes called the "first detective story," begins with a somewhat lengthy and difficult-to-follow discourse (below the fold) on which mental faculties are best tested by checkers in contrast to chess. Poe seems to think that the more constrictive rules of checkers better tests a man's analytic ability than the more varied move options in chess, although comprehending the exact reasoning would require me to think, and it's Saturday. Murder in the Rue Morgue is odd because the focus of the story isn't necessarily the mystery at hand, as the characters involved are barely present, but the inductive/deductive powers of C. Auguste Dupin. The reader can't possibly participate in the story: he's merely along for the ride. Or, the reader isn't given the information or time necessary to make a problem-solving guess and ... More About: Fiction , Chess , Play , Online
Fun Size: Clunker logic
2009-09-01 20:29:00 1. The Asymmetric clan was returning from our weekly outing at Best Buy when my son spotted a, mmm...I'm guessing 1990 Dodge Caravan with a ladder and a for-sale sign- $1500.00. I made a ladder joke. My son asked: "Papi, can't they trade it in for $4500.00 in the clunker thing? "You have to buy a new car to get the money. These guys probably can't afford it." Pause...Think...OK. Then my wife asked: "Y que hacen con los carros?" (what do they do with the cars?). "They destroy them." For you visual learners: [Am I being a regionalist when I say that Southerners seem to have much more fun with cars?] My wife then wondered why we didn't give the cars to Mexico or Iraq. I said: "Amor, Nelsito: You guys are just too naive to understand the steel-trap, progressive logic of Democrats. The benefits of their ideas may not be easily apparent to the proletariat, but rest assured, if they aren't in our best interests, they wouldn't do them." 2. Get a real lefty a little tipsy,... More About: Size , Logic
Yikerz! song by 5-Star Generalz (art warning [lyrics])
2009-08-25 16:03:00 http://www.nelsonguirado.com/media/yikerz .mp3I felt flattered when my friend commissioned me to write a song for his new game, Yikerz!** and immediately set about to conjure a work worthy of both Yikerz! and my grandest musical ambitions. I followed the usual pre-writing process: I played the game for two days strait days on an ancient California Redwood; meditated; locked myself up in a Native American sweat box, completely naked except for twelve Yikerz! pieces; took a magnetism course at the JC; learned the etymology of the word "Yikerz." I really immersed myself in everything Yikerz! to cultivate a suitable frame of mind. I then stocked my summer retreat with luncheon meats and Pepsi, sealed the door, and went to work. "The song must be bold, yet delicate; original, yet comforting, as if one were listening to his mother coo a lullaby; contemporary, yet for-the-ages." I eschewed the overdone cantata form and found Free-Form Jazz too restricting. I tried to add lyrics to the ... More About: Lyrics , Song , Star , Warning
Yikerz! Game Review: Pure magnetic goodness
2009-08-25 10:21:00 Before I start my review, let me answer some questions that I'm sure are gnawing on your liver: Will the fact that my friend designed and markets the game influence my review? Yes, but negatively. You see, I find the Yikerz! inventor irritating. He's somewhat of an outcast in our gaming group. Whoever is DM (never him [shudder]) most often relegates him to the gruff looking for adventure at the keep and bends the rules so that his initial "test of prowess" is usually the last we have to deal with his seriously defective characters (Gnome thief-illusionist: I've never seen one of those before). God help us if he survives the initial encounter and we have to endure one of his "authentic" gaming brogues ("Not bl[oː]dy likely"). Although we pride ourselves on our rationality, gameplay with him deteriorates to such a state that we sometimes fear the otherworldly retribution of Gary Gygax (RIP). Wow, Aristotle was right- catharsis can generate a serious rush. Mean? Don't wor... More About: Gaming , Review , Game , Pure , Goodness
Imagine Progress: Lockerbie and Crawford terrorists
2009-08-23 22:21:00 Comrade Chad here, spitting truth in your eye. Lot's of buzz from the hate-talkers (yeah! you, Nelson) about releasing the Libyan anti-imperialism activist, Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi (some of you pigs use only part of his name- that's wrong! Also, learn to pronounce it! I've been taking lessons from the dudes at the Free Palestine! movement here on campus). I've been following the case on D...N!!! and the circumstances under which the Scots convicted Mr. Al Megrahi are suspicious: for example, we know that Mr. Al Megrahi was declared guilty on January 31, 2001. That's a full 11 days after Baby Satan's putsch. That would have given KKKarl Rove plenty of time to activate the Republican hate machine and pressure the Scots into doing the empire's bidding. Even if Mr. Al Megrahi did assist in taking down the corporate-owned plane, doesn't evolution suggest that civilized people should show compassion to murderers? Haven't the most successful societies always had light... More About: Terrorists , Progress
Review: Inglorious Bastards- nihilist genius
2009-08-23 11:48:00 Ingloroious Bastards* almost did something impossible: it almost made me root for Nazis. More on that later. I'm sure I disagree with him about everything and although I don't know first hand, he seems like quite an unpleasant fellow; however, Quentin Tarantino is a genius and Inglorious Bastards ranks up there with his other great accomplishment, Pulp Fiction. The story is every right-thinking, historically-minded person's fantasy: avoid a past disaster by killing one or a few of the individuals responsible for the event- in this case, Adolf Hitler and his gangster friends; and to mete justice on the evil- the same as above and everybody who follows them. The American government recruits Jewish-Americans to go behind Nazi lines and terrorize the Germans. They do this successfully. The "Inglorious Bastards'" terrorist credentials in good order, IB changes gears and turns sharply into a Dirty Dozen, mission-behind-enemy-lines storyline. There are actually two plots to destro... More About: Review , Genius
Conservatives: Don't call Dems Nazis
2009-08-23 10:25:00 It's easy to get riled up when somebody on your side dresses down a representative from the other, but conservatives should not call Democratically-elected officials, "Nazis ," even if the officials brought it up in the first place. To call somebody a "Nazi" is to impute that he's a mass-murdering pagan. Democrats do not advocate mass murder. Some Democrats are socialists, but socialism is block-headed and freedom-sapping, not evil. Let's keep our wits about us and show some respect to our Democratic neighbors. That aside, I liked when the gentleman thanked his congressman for letting him keep his own health care. Think about it. On a related note, Jonah Goldberg's Liberal Fascism may be the most influential political book of the decade. The Marine in the video's knowledge of Nazi industrial policy is strait from the book. While at Barnes and Noble, buying a game of Yikerz, I happened upon a book by apparent idiot David Neiwart called: The Eliminationists: How Hate Talk ... More About: Conservatives , Call
Moral reasoning behind Lockerbie terrorist release
2009-08-21 07:04:00 Watch the video or read the statement below. What is Mr. MacAskill talking about? What are these "Scottish values?" Where do they come from? By his reasoning, every murderer should be released a few months before their anticipated death so that they can be with their family (why should anybody else receive less compassion than the murderer of over 200 people?). I notice no mention of God and Scots have begotten several famous philosophers so one would have expected a purely scientific, rational basis for the decision. I just can't figure out what it is. Actually, I do know. It's narcissistic, callous, emotionalism. Narcissism, because I'm sure MacAskill feels like a good person for releasing Al Megrahi. Emotional, because I don't see any other basis for his argument. Callous, because he doesn't care that the victims' families have to endure the spectacle of Al Megrahi being feted in Libya. It reminds me of a quote I saw on NRO, part of which said that leftist liberalism... More About: Philosophy , Release , Terrorist , Moral
Think Progress: Misinformed like a fox
2009-08-20 07:01:00 My friends alerted me to this post from Think Progress (to which I always ask, "towards what?"). Ignoring the fact that most liberals when talking amongst themselves really want all of the things people are "misinformed" about ("give benefits to illegal aliens, support abortion, and ration care? Never!"), ahem: 72% of self-identified FOX News viewers believe the health-care plan will give coverage to illegal immigrants a. If Obama doesn't intend to insure illegal aliens, why doesn't he subtract the 10-15 million illegal aliens from the phony 46,000,000 uninsured number he throws around. b. Does the bill specifically exclude illegal immigrants? 79% of them say it will lead to a government takeover, a. Part of that 79% includes the CBO who said that millions will lose their private health insurance under Obamacare, a prospect that people like Barney Frank and Barack Obama must consider a dealbreaker [sarcasm]. b. Obama has said he wants single-payer, as well. 69% t...
BSA: Obama the community organizer
2009-08-20 06:52:00 Conservative bloggers, talk radio and cable show hosts, and columnists must be jealous of Obama 's ability to convince people to be conservatives. SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title : 'BSA: Obama the community organizer', url : 'http://www.nelsonguirado.com/index.php/a symmetric/2009/08/19/bsa-obama-the-commun ity-organizer'}, { button: true } ) ; Powered by b2evolution. More About: Organizer , Community
Dear Sci-fi Apologist: Was the Khan an alien?
2009-08-19 07:55:00 Dear Sc-fi apologist, On the Fox News website, Khan Noonien Singh is listed as one of the "top ten kick-ass aliens." Can that be correct? Sincerely, Out-foxed Dear Out-foxed, You did well by contacting me. Unfortunately, the national level of sci-fi knowledge continues to languish behind developed countries like Canada, where their experience with Stargate has really lifted the country's sci-fi literacy. Let me get off my high tauntaun and give you the answer. As you know Singh, or simply "Khan" as he's known, is a genetically altered leader and conqueror during the Eugenics Wars of the 1990s (the 1990s date is an invention of the Star Trek chroniclers to avoid scaring a 1967 general population already fearful of the Soviet Union). If you remember your history, the Eugenics Wars were a completely interhuman affair; no aliens took part in any of the fighting. Khan isn't, therefore, an alien, if one defines alien as a being from a planet besides the one you're typing o... More About: Alien
Fun size: Obama's service to us all: Quack awareness:
2009-08-19 04:28:00 1. A lot of people are down on Obama right now, but that's only because they're focusing on his legislative performance instead of how much he's educated the populace. Just last month, I went to see my doctor about some shoulder pain. He ordered a battery of tests. I can see now that the doctor was practicing "defensive medicine." No big deal. Bills are paid by a third party. The real shocker came when I went back to see the test results: Me: OK, doc, what is it? Dr: Well, based on the tests, we're going to have to amputate your foot. Me: Huh? The pain's in my shoulder. Dr: I'm sorry. You went to medical school, where? Me: Doc, it's my shoulder! Dr: Foot or tonsils, pick one. Me: Neither. Dr: Well, if you'd rather go to a death panel and see what they say... I stopped him right there. He couldn't fool me. Death panels don't exist! I stormed out of the Dr.'s office. Thank you, Mr. Obama. 2. Ah, but Sarah Palin insists that DPs do exist and that they're goi... More About: Service , Awareness , Size
Discriminatory Underwear ads
2009-08-18 00:13:00 My wife and I each have our competencies. Although I still have to find mine (I've narrowed it down to complaining about the state of television and Stargate trivia), everybody in Pico Rivera is aware of my wife's skill in navigating the local Walmart. Things were shaken up this week, however, as my wife left to visit her sick mom. I had to feed myself. Well, I had to pay the guys at Taco Bell to feed me. I did have to feed the pets (woops! Quick, how many days can fish live without food?). I also had to clothe myself. When I ran out of underwear, I faced two choices: 1. Learn about bleach, loads, or whatever or 2. buy more underwear. So, I'm there at Walmart, and go over to the underwear section. Sidestepping the argument of why men still buy boxers in the 21st century, I'd like to ask another question: Why does the same underwear model appear on the package for the small size brief and the XXXXXL (yes, 5X, below) size? Who's Mr. Klein kidding? Heck, who are the purchasers... More About: Underwear
Review: District Nine: Innovative Sci-fi
2009-08-16 21:39:00 (you can look at the TV hostess for a while until the trailer) "Where did the aliens come from?" is not the question that came to my mind as I watched District 9. I wondered, "Where did District 9 come from?" It has no obvious precedent in either plot or tone, which is why it's not only a great movie, but will be considered a brilliant burst of creativity in a comic book-dominated film age. In District 9, an alien craft strands itself over the South African city of Johannesburg (itself an interesting choice and self-acknowledged as such in the narration). The government herds the aliens into a shanty town where they spend their life acquiring cat food from Nigerian gangsters, mostly; some "prawns" have larger plans. The Multi-National United (MNU), a private company charged with taking care of the aliens, wants to relocate them to a newer facility farther away from Johannesburg. The president of MNU's chooses his son in law, the nerdy Wikus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley), to ... More About: Review , Innovative
Most Americans not ready for Health Care debate, says TV news
2009-08-14 19:31:00 Health care is complicated and boring. That's probably why the press is focusing on the rowdier town hall crowds and sensational statements by Sarah Palin instead of the plan itself. As usual, it's hard to say whether people prefer this to the real issue or the media just think they do. Whom does this benefit? It could be that the White House knows that the more people learn about the plan the more they'll dislike it so it prefers the distraction. Meanwhile, CNN has banned talk radio personalities from coming on and commenting on the issue. Talk show hosts differ in their approach, intelligence, and knowledge. I guess a blanket ban based on a stereotype is easier than examining such distinctions. I don't listen to all of talk radio, but the shows that I've listened to have done a much better job of covering the issue than television. Finally, disinformation is inevitable. Let's correct those. The bill is the thing. SHARETHIS.addEntry( { t... More About: News , Health , Health Care , Debate , Care
Hillary making the world love us again
2009-08-11 06:11:00 Wow! I'd like to see Barbara Boxer and Hillary go at it. SHARETHIS.addEntry( { title : 'Hillary making the world love us again', url : 'http://www.nelsonguirado.com/index.php/a symmetric/2009/08/10/hillary-making-the-w orld-love-us-again'}, { button: true } ) ; Powered by b2evolution. More About: International , World , Love , The World
McCain taking Asymmetric advice- Carter's second term
2008-06-10 17:17:00 WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an interview with Carl Cameron today, Sen. McCain introduced some new pushback to Sen. Obama’s assertion that the GOPer represents a Bush third term. The presumptive Republican nominee instead argues that the Illinois Democrat is promoting policies that would mean a second term for President Carter. “You know one of his favorite phrases is that I would be a Bush third term. Well I think maybe his proposals could be a Carter second term,” McCain told Fox. from here. McCain took my advice. No doubt McCain staffers, at this very moment, are furiously pouring over the Asymmetric archives for more strategy tips. OK. Good, Mr. McCain. Stick with me- I'll get you to the White House.Powered by b2evolution. More About: Advice , Taking , Term
The racist past of the minimum wage
2008-06-10 03:26:00 At a 1957 hearing on increasing the minimum wage, a northern U.S. Senator who favored the increase stated: “Of course, having on the market a rather large source of cheap labor depresses wages outside of that group, too—the wages of the white worker who has to compete. And when an employer can substitute a colored worker at a lower wage—and there are, as you pointed out, these hundreds of thousands looking for decent work—it affects the whole wage structure of an area, doesn’t it?” Who was the senator? Here’s a hint: just four years later he was the President. His name: John F. Kennedy. Jonah Goldberg talks about how the minimum wage started as a way to give white workers an advantage in his book, Liberal Fascism. Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning by Jonah Goldberg Anyways, the minimum wage is increasing again in July. It'll probably cause unemployment to go higher a... More About: Past , Minimum Wage , Racist , Minimum
Movie Review: You Don't Mess With the Zohan
2008-06-09 21:13:00 Zohan belongs to that much-maligned category of comedy where the focus of all of the humor is the self-oblivious strangeness of the character. Recent examples of this sub-genre include the Austin Powers, Deuce Bigalow, and Ace Ventura movies, each tellingly known by its protagonist's name. Extreme stereotyping, oddly superhuman powers (Zohan can catch bullets with his teeth and fish with his but; Ace could communicate with animals.), and inside jokes (Bigalow's sex act references left middle schoolers around the world asking, "What's a 'dirty Sanchez?'") are characteristic of this type and may be the reason they're often derided by sophisticated types. Me? I like them if the character is compelling (Delta Farce's Larry the Cable Guy is an example of a failed character-driven comedy.). Zohan (Adam Sandler), the Israeli super counter-terrorist-sex machine-hair stylist is interesting enough to make the movie work. The inside jokes are so-so. His pubic hair fetishism (his own)... More About: Movie , Movie Review , Review , Mess
Jindal's secret advantage
2008-06-09 08:22:00 Like many Republicans, I'm rooting for either Jindal or Palin as McCain's running mate. People have already written about Palin and Jindal's intelligence and reformer credentials. Both have lovely families. However, there's one factor that I haven't seen talked about anywhere. Based on recent history, Bobby Jindal will almost certainly avoid embarrassing vice-presidential spelling mistakes: The famous picture and the start of the "gotcha" left.Powered by b2evolution. More About: Secret
McCain's teeth and the would-be healers of the nation
2008-06-09 04:48:00 From the side that wants to bring America together. Visit Hot Air. Powered by b2evolution. More About: Nation , Teeth , The Nation
Obama and Democrats to limit the size of American homes
2008-06-09 04:25:00 A pilot program in Barack Obama 's back yard. has had positive emission results, according to Barack Obama. Citing the wild success of CAFE standards for automobiles, presidential candidate Barack Obama and the Democratic party have drawn up plans to limit the size of American homes. According to the proposal, Americans will be limited to a maximum of 250 square feet per person: "A smaller house means less heating and cooling costs, less building materials, especially wood that, in their tree form, recycles the greenhouse emissions that cause global warming and concrete that comes from our precious rocks. Smaller houses means less encroachment of ancient native-American burial grounds. Working together, we can impose these and other important regulations. Pioneers in California have already made progress by eliminating vestiges of our polluting past. They've ended such environmental mini-holocausts as wood-burning fire places, lawnmowers, selfish comfortableness, and light bulb... More About: Democrats , Homes , Size
Ebay finally changes feedback policy
2008-06-08 23:16:00 Here's the new ebay screen. For years, the most absurd thing on the internet has been the fact that ebay sellers could hold perfect buyers hostage with the threat of negative feedback. Imagine: you buy a turntable and it comes broken (I don't have to imagine.). The man refuses to give satisfaction, but knowing how to game the system, hasn't given you your feedback despite your prompt payment. You let the matter drop rather than have your low total feedback number suffer disproportionately compared to his larger one. It was a ridiculous system that prevented honesty and held down feedback scores. The buyer's responsibility is to pay. If he pays, he's a good ebayer. If he doesn't, he should never have the merchandise to rate. According to the new rules, a seller can only leave positive feedback. He pays- boom! feedback. I guess if the guy pays late, you can decline to leave any feedback whatsoever. The buyer can still leave negative or positive. In addition, he can use star... More About: Ebay , Policy , Feedback , Finally
Who's better: Sarah Palin or Bobby Jindal?
2008-06-08 22:25:00 Choice please (ladies first): Sarah Palin or Bobby Jindal Powered by b2evolution.
Ross Andrew McGinnis : Medal of Honor winner
2008-06-03 02:28:00 R.I.P. Official citation. The President of the United States of America, authorized by Act of Congress, March 3, 1863, has awarded in the name of Congress the Medal of Honor to Private First Class Ross A. McGinnis United States Army For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty: Private First Class Ross A. McGinnis distinguished himself by acts of gallantry and intrepidity above and beyond the call of duty while serving as an M2 .50-caliber Machine Gunner, 1st Platoon, C Company, 1st Battalion, 26th Infantry Regiment, in connection with combat operations against an armed enemy in Adhamiyah, Northeast Baghdad, Iraq, on 4 December 2006. That afternoon his platoon was conducting combat control operations in an effort to reduce and control sectarian violence in the area. While Private McGinnis was manning the M2 .50-caliber Machine Gun, a fragmentation grenade thrown by an insurgent fell through the gunner's hatch into the... More About: Winner , Andrew
Bo Diddley (Elias Bates) dead at 79
2008-06-02 19:11:00 One of my favorites. Not only a great musician and songwriter, but a devoted husband and good guy. I'll have more later, but you can enjoy the video below. Powered by b2evolution. More About: Dead , Elias
A reply to the Packer's fall of conservatism in the New Yorker
More articles from this author:2008-05-31 06:11:00 My friends at Magnasquids posted this and, since I think it's typical of a certain mind-set, I thought I'd reply. George Packer's a delusional idiot (I don't know if he's an idiot, but I thought I'd ape his argument style.). Let me elaborate: Democrats think that a general discontent caused mainly by the Iraq war (or arguing the Iraq war) and things unrelated to ideology like responses to disasters (Did Ray Nagin's or Kathleen Blanco's pro-government policies help?) gas prices- unrelated except that leftist solutions would make them much worse by not drilling more oil- that has given Democrats a slight advantage this election year means the downfall of conservatism. Let's see. What liberal solutions are people dying to try? 1. Health care. People want to spend more money for less care so that everybody has the same plan? The public may be unhappy with the cost of health care, but that doesn't mean they're willing to try a completely ideological solution (I say "comp... More About: Conservatism , The New Yorker , Fall 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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