Press Mess BlogPress Mess BlogSatirical news for the well-informed. A multimedia adventure of fiction shrowded in fact. The headlines might be made up, but simply read between the lines.
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Vice President Cheney: "Iran Killed Santa"
2007-12-06 20:43:00 COALBURG, WEST VIRGINIA… 12/04/07 9:11AM…On Tuesday morning Vice President Dick Cheney traveled to West Virginia’s coal country to read his new children’s book Run, Fire Bombs Are Falling to a group of disadvantaged preschoolers. However, midway through the reading, Cheney alarmed handlers and children alike when he began speaking incoherently, tearing pages from the book, chiding the children for being “traitors” and then seeking their enlistment in the Army. After a short break, he asked the children if they knew “Iran killed Santa ,” to which one child responded “You smell like Shrek.”..AUTHOR'S NOTE: What happened to Dick Cheney? At some point, a long time ago, he was probably a good guy. But somewhere along the line he became seriously sidetracked. So sidetracked in fact, that I guarantee the founding fathers would have major problems with him. So what is it about D.C. turns seemingly normal people into meglomaniacs? Is it the power? The Prestige? Delusions ... More About: Vice President
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi Resigns
2007-12-06 20:41:00 SAN FRANCISCO, CA…12/04/07 5:54EST…On Tuesday House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (I CA) announced her resignation from office. Before a stunned audience of staffers and press, Pelosi stated “It is clear I can no longer maintain the charade of leadership.” Quizzed by reporters about her sudden decision, Pelosi stated, “My incompetence and betrayal of last November’s mandate cannot continue… these ineptitudes, in conjunction with ongoing battles against alcohol and spastic bowel syndrome, are forcing me to step down.” Asked by reporters what she planned to do, Pelosi stated, “I’m going on vacation with Donald Rumsfeld to Iraq…probably somewhere north, south, east or west of Tikrit."
Sen. Lieberman: "Let's Attack Iran Anyway"
2007-12-06 20:35:00 NEW HAVEN, CT...12/03/07...12:05pm EST...On Monday Senator Joseph Lieberman (R CT) spoke at a luncheon for supporters at his home. Regarding the recently released NIE, which concluded Iran abandoned its nuclear weapons program in 2003, Lieberman cautioned the world "not to rely too heavily on U.S. intelligence." Lieberman stated, "I know Iran is building a death-star in outer space - I just know More About: Attack 1, 2 |
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