Out in Left FieldOut in Left FieldWhere parenting and politics meet, but don't always play nice. 
Articles
How to explain 9/11 to children
2009-09-11 14:19:00 I wrote this three years ago for The Trib. Parents prepare for certain questions when their children begin elementary school. My husband and I were no different, role-playing routines for the inevitable “Where do babies come from?” and “Is there really a tooth fairy?” However, nothing prepared me for last week’s inquiry. “Mommy, do you know what happened on September 11th?” My twin sons were eighteen months old on 09.11.01. Only six now, I hadn’t thought about discussing the particular horrors of 9/11 with them. Not yet anyway. When they’re older, I will take out newspaper clippings, magazine articles and even a few documentaries that might help explain the events of that day. For now, my child’s simple question stumped me. As I drove home, no quick or comforting answers came to mind. We pulled into our driveway and I turned around to face them. “Yes, sweetie, I know about September 11th,” I finally said. “Do you?” My youngest son nodded. “Bad men ... More About: Children
Fallout from President Obama’s speech
2009-09-09 20:08:00 Yesterday was crazy. The first day back after a long weekend, I tried to motivate my exhausted kids to hustle in the morning and instead ended up cursing about teeth in need of brushing, toilets in need of flushing, and one mommy in need of medication. Crazy. After dropping my boys off at school, I fought traffic jams next to psychopaths who make New Jersey drivers seem well-adjusted. Got to work and spilled hummus all over the entrance to my office building. Bent down to clean it and flashed half the men inside. Two complained. Five minutes later, I encountered a roach near my desk the size of a small rat. Left work and drove to the post office only to find a forty-five minute line in front of me. While waiting and daydreaming about happy hour, I overheard two young women discussing the “indoct-eran-nay-tion” of our youngsters. These southern belles who stay at home with their kids, spending hours engaged in stimulating conversations about how to fake an orgasm, long to... More About: President , Obama , Speech , Fallout
Almost Time for Boobie-Thon
2009-09-08 22:40:00 Back in 2006, I was asked to participate in a campaign where bloggers bare their boobies to raise money for breast cancer. Please. They had me at “bare.” My entries usually have a campaign feel to them. Last year, I was all about Barack Obama. (You have to donate money to see me without the stickers.) This year, I am taking suggestions from you. The pictures are due October 1-7th. What should I do to help stomp out this dreaded disease that killed one of my favorite cousins ten years ago and has just recently attacked one of my dearest friends? Seriously. I want to get this fucker. Chocolate syrup and whipped cream? Stickers for health care reform? Someone’s tongue? You decide. More About: Time
The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation needs your help
2009-09-08 19:01:00 While I sit here waiting for my doctor to call, thinking about others and the way in which we can help people in need is a welcome distraction. But I’ll get to this year’s Boobie-Thon later. For now, here’s your chance, Bucs fans -prove you are good for something besides public drunkenness and spreading STDs! If you are interested in purchasing tickets: 1. Call the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation : 813-374-9041 2. Mail a check to the CFF Tampa Chapter, 5100 West Kennedy Blvd. Suite 195, Tampa, FL 33609 3. Buy online: Click here to purchase tickets!
Why does a naked Glamour model’s tummy roll make us feel anything?
2009-09-07 19:46:00 If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. – Desiderata I have lots of girl friends – tall, short, thin, fat. Ask if we love ourselves and the reply depends on the day. Sometimes we wake up feeling like Darryl Hannah circa 1984 and sometimes we wake up feeling like Darryl Hannah circa 2009. Who feels like she has the perfect body? No one I know. Even those of us who’ve paid for improvements aren’t delusional. Yet most of my girls feel comfortable in their own skin, despite imperfections sometimes only we see, and happily live, breathe, eat, drink, laugh, and love. Just because someone doesn’t want to get into a bathing suit or fuck with the lights on doesn’t mean they aren’t comfortable or knee-deep in self-love. It sometimes just means they haven’t had enough to drink yet. So get off them. Lizzi Miller, a twenty year-old model, posed for a pict... More About: Model , Roll , Make , Glamour , Feel
Why do Florida Republicans hate education?
2009-09-04 03:49:00 Is Jim Greer high? Seriously. I want to know. Is he making bad choices once again fueled by late-night hanky pank and too much booger-sugar? How else would you explain this rant, rated “Pants on Fire” by PolitiFact, for so obscuring what is, at heart, a positive message from the President of the United States to schoolchildren about the importance of getting a good education? Check it. This is part of what Greer had to say: “The idea that schoolchildren across our nation will be forced to watch the president justify his plans for government-run health care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other president, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power,” he added. This detour into Glenn Beck-Land is not surprising. Under Jim Greer’s embarrassing leadership, the Florida Republic... More About: Education , Republicans , Hate
How to enjoy a colposcopy
2009-09-03 00:18:00 Come on – cold fingers, cold instruments, and one rather large telescope all up your hoo-ha at the same time – what’s not to like? Oh wait. They aren’t dimming the lights or strategically placing that telescope just so? Color me embarrassed. Maybe enjoy is a bit of an exaggeration, huh? Okay. Still. It doesn’t have to be as bad you might imagine. (Hear that? It’s the sound of men coughing uncomfortably or laughing nervously. Let’s face it. They don’t like reading about our naughty bits unless the story involves their penis in a supporting role. Let them go. They’re hopeless anyway.) If you get a call from your doctor saying they have to take a look at the *funk* up in your *junk,* here’s how to get through a colposcopy without unraveling psychologically. Try not to imagine the worst: If you are sitting at the bar with a drink in your hand making eyes at a man who looks like Bradley Cooper while he makes his way toward you,... More About: Enjoy
Hernando student in hijab *would* stand for the flag. And apparently *did.*
2009-09-02 15:21:00 A few days ago, I wrote about a young Muslim student at Springstead High who wouldn’t stand for the Pledge of Allegience and got a severe tongue lashing from fellow student Heather Lawrence as a result. To repeat my stance: Student s should not be made to stand for the pledge. Other students are allowed to disagree and voice their opinions. However, now school officials are reporting that the student wearing a hijab did stand for the flag. Could it be that Heather Lawrence had a racist moment? Principal Susan Duval believes Heather fabricated the story about her fellow student to justify a less-than-tolerant berating Heather felt compelled to give in high school’s hallway. So Duval shortened her suspension and now wants to put the entire incident behind them and move on. I disagree. If Heather Lawrence, and other students at the Hernando County high school, believed that the hijab and certainly any expression of a fundamental religious belief, be it Christian, Jewish, or... More About: Hijab , Flag , Stand
More Facebook Fun – Ongoing
2009-08-31 18:30:00 The online world can be harsh and cruel. Oh who am I kidding? It’s fucking brutal. Those of us who’ve been blogging awhile are aware of the ways otherwise normal, sane human beings can turn into batshit crazy wingnuts, hiding behind anonymous or misleading monikers to spew their hatred and nastiness both far and wide. We’re ready for it. Come and get us. But MySpace and Facebook fucks with the novices out there. The innocents. And so today I’d like to slap them silly and yell, “Snap out of it!” Social networking sites…the positives far outweigh the negatives. Facebook alone is a great way to reconnect with loved ones, stay in touch, make business connections, and share porn. God love it. Seriously. Huge fan. But none of it is real. Remember the young girl who killed herself because her online boyfriend turned mean? That online boyfriend was really a neighborhood mom who isn’t worth a squirt of piss, much less a human life. Unless you...
Hernando student in hijab wouldn’t stand for the flag
2009-08-29 19:07:00 As a teacher, I never forced a student to stand for the pledge. I prefer to know which students are expressing love of country or respect for the flag because they feel it and which ones don’t give a flying fuck. But that’s just me: I heart transparency. Besides, the idea of compulsory pledging goes against what this country stands for in the first place. An excerpt from my earlier post on the subject: “I never make my students stand up,” I said. “I encourage them to do so, but if they don’t, well, that’s okay, too.” My friend and fellow teacher just stared at me. “You’re kidding, right?” she asked. “Nope,” I said, smiling meekly. “Katie!” she said, half-laughing. “They should stand up. It’s a sign of respect!” “I agree,” I said. “But forcing students to stand seems to go against what our flag stands for in the first place. I don’t think we should make... More About: Student , Hijab , Flag , Stand
More whoring for votes…but enough about Peter Schorsch
2009-08-26 15:17:00 Have you voted for me yet? Creative Loafing’s Best of the Bay competition is winding down, you only have until Monday before the polls close for good. People have been voting for me in several categories: - Best Local Blogger - Best CL Contributor - Best Local Troublemaker Recently, I made a joke about how there is no money prize, but the opportunity to beat Peter Schorsch would be gift enough. Well. Peter Schorsch had a thing or two to say about that. Catherine: You trollop, there’s no way you are any where near my league for Best Local Troublemaker. It takes a special level of douchebagness and prickisheness to take home this trophy. And you just don’t have it. Snarky. Sure. Sexy. Hell yeah. But you’re a mother, after all. And being the Best Local Troublemaker means you can’t ever depend on a babysitter. But you’re a hell of a blogger. And so I’ll throw you a few votes out of some of my fake accounts. I also urge your readers to vote for the thought of you getti... More About: Votes
Michael Moore’s “Capitalism: A Love Story”
2009-08-25 17:28:00 “There’s gotta be some kind of a rebellion between the people that have nothing and the people that’s got it all.” Where is our money? We may not be any closer to an answer, but with Michael Moore on the case…I feel better already. More About: Love , Story , Capitalism
Kids should not drive cars
2009-08-24 23:04:00 Children under the age of eighteen should not get behind the wheel of a car without adult supervision. A new law currently in committee will establish minimum federal requirements for state laws regarding Graduated Drive r Licensing (GDL) and encourage all states to adopt such laws that meet those minimum requirements within 3 years. Why is this necessary? Car crashes are the leading cause of death among American teenagers. By the summer of my senior year in high school, I’d lost three friends to car accidents. As a high school teacher, I lost many more. * From 1994 to 2003, a total of 57,142 teenagers were killed in motor vehicle crashes. * Teenage drivers account for only 6.4 percent (12.5 million) of the total drivers in the United States, but account for 14 percent of all drivers involved in fatal crashes and 18 percent involved in police-reported crashes. * No other kind of hazard comes close to claiming as many teenage lives, including teenage homicides (14 percent) and ... More About: Kids , Cars
How to survive an abnormal pap smear
2009-08-22 22:34:00 This one is for my girls. But of course, right now, my male readers, all two of you, are squirming and about to bounce. Relax. An abnormal pap smear might happen to one of *your* girls and then you should know how to help for a change. Instead of just sitting around, scratching your balls. Which might be why we’re in this predicament in the first place. Dolls, if you get a phone call from your doctor saying you have atypical cells all up in your junk and need to be scheduled for a colposcopy, here are some helpful hints. Cry it out: Take about ten minutes to pull a Holly Hunter from Broadcast News. Exercising, sex, hitting someone or crying (and sometimes all four at the same time) can be great stress relief. Take a deep breath – Don’t spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. Somewhere, someone has been through worse and gotten through it. Toughen up, cupcake. Count to ten – With all the emphasis on the relationship between certain STDs and cervical c... More About: Survive , Abnormal
A Teacher’s Wish List – 2009
2009-08-20 16:34:00 Forget shorter days and cooler nights, this past week many parents took part in an event that signals the end of summer around here: back-to-school shopping. Mothers maneuvered carts through crowded aisles carrying lists provided by their children’s schools. They carefully checked off glue sticks, composition notebooks, and pocket folders. Uniforms and backpacks were tried on and discarded, only to be snatched up a moment later by someone else. My twin sons took half an hour picking the perfect lunchboxes, debating the merits of several superheroes before finally settling on plain, but more *grown-up* selections. I allowed them time to work it out, remembering my own struggles between Nancy Drew and The Bionic Woman. Nancy won several years in a row. As a mom, I enjoy rituals that begin each new school year. Frazzled parents are doing more than searching for specific pencils. They’re supplying children with the tools they need to learn. As a former teacher, I appreciate their ef... More About: List , Teacher
Parents, sing along with me
2009-08-20 03:59:00 Dig it? I knew that you would. More About: Parents , Sing
Creative Loafing’s Best of the Bay
2009-08-18 20:14:00 As one of their contributors, I was asked to submit a few entries of my own. So, I did. Best place *not* to find a python… Best display of ignorance by a public official… Meanwhile my own category is heating up. Recently, someone asked if I’d get paid for winning either Best Local Blog, Best CL Contributor, or Best Local Troublemaker. No. As a matter of fact, I don’t know that any perks come with this auspicious honor. Still. I’d beat Peter Schorsch. And that’s good enough for me. If you have more than one email address, vote more than once for me. Humor, politics, parenting advice, kisses, lap dances, and revealing photos. What more do you want from your girl? More About: Creative
How to Survive a Family Reunion
2009-08-18 01:53:00 Photo from Queen Photographer Extraordinaire and Awesome Cousin: Karen Thayne I was making the 1100 mile journey for my kids. Our family hadn’t pulled off a decent reunion since the late 1990s when the economy was booming, my hair was out of control, and Nana was still alive. Since then, I’ve seen relatives at the usual places – weddings, funerals, and the occasional sheriff’s website, but somehow that wasn’t enough. A reunion sounded like fun. It would mean getting into a car with two kids I’d threatened to sell overseas less than a week earlier. It would mean having to smell my Uncle’s chili. It would mean close encounters with flying false teeth. But at almost ten years of age, Oldest and Youngest didn’t know half their family members. This year, that would change. Even if it meant group therapy and medication later in life for all of us. But I wasn’t making the drive for me. I was subjecting myself to lectures about inappropriate humor, drunken ramblings about... More About: Family , Survive , Reunion
Florida doctor loses job after criticizing Dunkin’ Donuts
2009-08-14 22:12:00 I’m not known for subtlety. Even when I do sprinkle opinions with jokes and an ounce of charm, people go batshit crazy. Especially when the message is hard to swallow. I’ve learned that if you stick your neck out, sometimes it gets chopped off. Dr. Jason Newsom of the Bay County Health Department learned this lesson recently. A 38-year-old former Army doctor who served in Iraq, Newsom returned home to Panama City a few years ago to run the Bay County Health Department and launched a one-man war on obesity by posting sardonic warnings on an electronic sign outside: “Sweet Tea (equals) Liquid Sugar.” “Hamburger (equals) Spare Tire.” “French Fries (equals) Thunder Thighs.” He also called out KFC by name to make people think twice about fried chicken. Then he parodied “America Runs on Dunkin’,” the doughnut chain’s slogan, with: “America Dies on Dunkin’.” A few lawyers in town, who own Dunkin&rsqu... More About: Florida , Doctor , Donuts
Defending Hillary Clinton’s “meltdown”
2009-08-13 23:07:00 Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was questioned recently about her views and how they compare/contrast with President Clinton’s views. (The student meant to say President “Obama.” Right.) Many pundits and bloggers poked fun at her response. Women the world over are constantly asked about their husband’s point of view, opinion, and judgment. Even when it shouldn’t matter. If I had a dime every time someone asked what my husband thought of my writing, pictures, ass… When was the last time a man held a press conference and someone asked what the little lady thought? A man is rarely made to believe he needs his wife’s blessing when it comes to performance at work. Could Clinton have answered the question better? With humor and a bit of serenity? Absolutely. She should expect such misogynistic and idiotic questions, especially in a place where women are treated so poorly. An answer at the ready, said with a sly wink, could have really hit hom...
Finally. I wrote an article I can show my parents.
2009-08-13 02:02:00 I’m not nekked. Or cursing. Or discussing religion. Or ranting about politics. I know. But read it anyway. More About: Article , Show , Parents , Finally , Wrote
Is Cesar Padilla incompetent? Perhaps. But not because he cruises his colle
2009-08-12 03:17:00 Come on, Mike Deeson. You’re better than that. To go after a public official, who has this much dirt, for spending a few minutes on his college website is lazy. Real lazy. Lazy like using the empty toilet-paper roll to wipe your ass because you don’t feel like getting up to get a new one. We’re talking the depths of laziness here. Cesar Padilla is paid six figures to regulate services where the lowest paid employees are struggling and barely making it. Cesar Padilla hired a lobbyist who used to work as a campaign consultant for his scandal-ridden boss Kevin White. Cesar Padilla doesn’t even meet the minimum requirements for his job – would that fly for other public positions? Or would he have been slapped with a fine and fired long ago? Instead of digging deep, Deeson is taking the easy way out. Padilla wasn’t even looking at porn, something that would have made this story interesting at least. Deeson’s going after him for Internet use whil... More About: Cruises
Swimming with dolphins is for assholes
2009-08-11 04:30:00 When he speaks about the impact of captivity on the mammals, he doesn’t sound like a showboater, and what might seem like New Age-y talk about dolphin intelligence is pointed up with footage that left me haunted, too. That smile, says O’Barry, is nature’s greatest deception. Dolphins smile even when they’re crying on the inside. Living in Florida, I am used to certain theme-and-water-park douchebaggery. Comes with the heat, bugs, and old people driving 30-mph down the highway. But there is something vastly disturbing about certain aquariums and water parks. And not only in Florida. Most of the places where you are allowed to swim, pet, and kiss dolphins are getting these self-aware and beautiful creatures from the seas of Japan. Trainers from all over the world flock to a little town called Taiji where about thirteen fisherman use loud noises to frighten hundreds of dolphins every year and force them into a tiny cove. Once there, trainers pick only the cutes... More About: Swimming , Assholes
What do you do when your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore? Ma
2009-08-09 22:00:00 Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. – Desiderata If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times: happiness is self-bestowed. It has nothing to do with your house, your car, or your career. Wearing a thong, listening to jazz and sipping red wine every once in a while can help, but it’s important to remember happiness isn’t something that happens *to* you. You either believe you are worthy of it or you don’t. This philosophy is challenging enough to apply when you’re young and single. Add in a few years, plus a spouse and children, and sometimes it feels impossible. These other people and their moods, struggles, and issues can sometimes invade your own. Happiness might seem out of reach for a while. Self-doubt can come creeping in. Cue the cliche police. But a midlife crisis can happen to anyone. If you’re like me, life can still be overwhelmingly terrific even with a crazy and hectic schedule surrounded b... More About: Love , Husband
First-hand accounts of the Tampa town hall meeting
2009-08-07 05:00:00 Twitter was consumed by news of John Hughes’s demise. Facebook, however, was a totally different story. from Huffington Post Here are some of what people saw and heard at Tampa ’s townhall meeting for health insurance reform… Doug – Amazed at the Total Ignorance Shown by the Astro Turfers During the Healthcare Town Hall . If the Rabid Right Want to Shout Down Discussions, Congress Should Reconvene and Pass HR 676 Today. That Will End the Discussion for Good. Who Would Have Thought People Could Get So Passionate About Protecting Insurance Company Profits? Andrew – There’s no crazies like Florida crazies! Jeffrey – Right-Wing mob instigates violence at Tampa town hall. Jill – I was outside, don’t know what happened inside. We hung out outside the doors and the protesters chased down any available news crews and shouted things like ‘nobama’ and ‘just say no’ they were typical republican looking people. Jill &... More About: Hand , Meeting
I’d Like Your Vote
2009-08-06 01:39:00 You know how I feel about voting. It is our civic duty to make our voices heard. In over four years, have I ever asked you to vote for me? No. Until tonight. I’m asking for your vote. Not once, but twice. Hell, maybe even three times. Creative Loafing is standing by with its annual Best of the Bay ballot. If you ever lived in Tampa or are connected with the area – your opinion counts! Click here and fill in at least twenty categories. May I suggest - Best Local Blog – Out in Left Field Oh? You’ve got a blog and wish to vote for yourself? Fine. How about - Best CL Contributor – Catherine Durkin Robinson Oh? You’re a contributor and wish to vote for yourself? Okay - Best Local Troublemaker – Catherine Durkin Robinson If you’ve got a biz or bod to promote, let me know and I’ll update my ballot with your info. You rub my ego, I’ll rub yours… Then I’ll love you long time. Now stop staring at my ass, get off your... More About: Vote
Fellow Floridians, let’s help repeal “Don’t ask, Don&rsqu
2009-08-05 02:25:00 Keith Meinhold is one of many decorated veterans who can no longer serve his country…because he’s gay. His story: My fellow Floridian, I served as an aircrew instructor aboard the Navy’s P-3C Orion aircraft and flew combat missions throughout the Pacific and Indian Oceans and the Persian Gulf. Despite being rated in the top ten percent of all Navy instructors I was kicked out of the Navy after coming out on a national news broadcast as part of an effort to stop a witch hunt against other gay, lesbian and bisexual service members. I’m writing to you today because together we have a unique opportunity to right a wrong. Please sign our letter to the Florida congressional delegation urging them to end “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law bans gays, lesbians and bisexuals from serving openly in the U.S. military. Because of this law, more than 13,000 dedicated military personnel have had their c... More About: Repeal
Obama’s health care plan is a step in the right direction
2009-08-03 16:50:00 I have yet to hear an articulate and well-reasoned argument for why we should delay in passing significant health care reform. In fact, it seems that most Republicans and right-wingers are motivated by a desire to see this administration fail and so they have decided to, once again, scare Americans into complacency with misinformation and outright lies. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Their entire movement isn’t about offering solutions and can be summed up with the image of people who are claiming Obama wants to kill your grandma. Make no mistake, the people organizing this nonsense (read: lobbyists for insurance companies and hospital conglomerates) know they are full of shit. In contrast, the people on the ground are just easily led. They are simple fools who can’t understand the merits of our President’s plan. Which begs the question: Are conservative radio talk show hosts the ones to blame? Or are we at fault for not presenting a clear and persua... More About: Health , Health Care , Care , Step
Chapter 23
More articles from this author:2009-08-02 19:31:00 For those of you who like my story, spread the word. This is better than letting it die inside my hard drive. I think. More About: Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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