Out in Left FieldOut in Left FieldWhere parenting and politics meet, but don't always play nice. 
Articles
A Facebook Conversation - Ongoing
2009-05-09 17:03:00 Yesterday’s post about miracles elicited quite the conversation on Facebook . Here is a sampling for your amusement or irritation. Whichever you prefer. Danny: The best was when I was watching this thing on TV about pitcher Paul Byrd. He was losing every game he started and was about to be booted out of the majors. He said he sat down on the pitcher’s mound one night by himself and asked god to be his ‘pitching coach.’ He suddenly turned things around and saved his career. What a selfish ahole to ask god to become your own personal pitching coach with all the other problems out there in the world. Michelle: Yeah, I wonder what Polly Klaas, Adam Walsh, Samantha Runnion, and Sandra Cantu would have to say about “God looking after the little children”…but of course, the right-wingers’ argument to counter that would conveniently be, “because he wanted them in Heaven with him.” Yet they just had to suffer unspeakable torture at ... More About: Conversation
3 Year-Old Boy Lost for Two Days Found Safe - Just Don’t Call it a Mi
2009-05-08 15:45:00 I read this morning in the newspaper about a little boy lost for two days in Missouri. They finally found 3 year-old Joshua Childers alive and well, albeit tired and a bit scared, in the woods not far from where he disappeared. It’s hard to read the story and not get teary-eyed. My mom heard the good news and said, “Isn’t he resilient?” I agreed. “What a tough little kid!” I said. Then she added, “God must have a plan for him.” That’s when I step back and let the nutty train drive on without me. Why is it necessary to bring God into it? If God has a plan for this little boy, are we to believe that God didn’t have jack shit for the the millions of other kids who’ve died recently? “Hmmm,” I said. “What about the three month-old thrown from a car this week? His battered little body splattered all over the highway? No plan for him?” “Where was his mother?” she asked. “The same pla... More About: Lost , Days , Call , Safe , Year
A New Variation on a Familiar Theme - The Summer Vacation
2009-05-07 00:44:00 “I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose.” I’ve explored this before, but for those just joining us - What is anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia? No, I’m not talking about getting arrested at a political protest or losing your virginity. I’m talking about the legendary, feared, dreaded and lampooned Family Vacation . This summer, my family and I are flying to California, renting a car, and heading north. When relaying our plans to coworkers and friends, they usually start blinking nervously before wondering out loud, “Two nine year-olds in a car for a week? Are you high?” High on life, my friend. High. On. Life. There are two reasons for this trip. Guilt: I have been promising the kids a California vacation for the past three years. Instead they’ve been treated to three summers of “Are we moving to Colorado Springs again?” The annual road trips from Tampa to The Springs or back again included fun stops in Katrin... More About: Summer , Theme
More Facebook Fun - Ongoing
2009-05-06 03:54:00 I might scream if one more person tells me about a life-altering event and then adds, “Don’t blog this.” I wrote as much on Facebook , which invites the smartasses in my life to play along. Addison - I’m gay….please don’t blog this. John - I’m planning on getting a haircut in the coming days. I need one. Please don’t blog this! Tam - I’m secretly in love with SuperDave, please don’t blog this. Wayne - I was once a political consultant, pls don’t blog this David - (insert life-altering bit of news) and please don’t blog this. Mark - I just read about an overly long-haired gay political consultant in love with SuperDave imparting generic yet life-altering news (while I could hear distant screaming)…but whatever you do, don’t blog that either. Clark - I’m blogging this conversation. Please don’t blog this. Cat - I still have a poster of WHAM! on my bedroom wall which makes my vagina hurt t...
Why I Won’t Join NOW or PETA
2009-05-05 01:18:00 You might think I’d be the perfect candidate for these two groups. Feminist? Check. Pro-Choice? Check. Vegetarian? Check. Animal-rights activist? Check. And yet I refuse to be associated with either organization. This is due to experiences I had over fifteen years ago in the early 1990s, but they are still relevant today. Check it. I went to a NOW recruitment meeting and they talked about pro-life women in unreasonably harsh tones. Called them backwards and narrow-minded and responsible for most of the misogyny in the world. One speaker even singled out Catholic women as being particularly weak. Even though I hadn’t considered myself Catholic in years and the religion deserves a great deal of criticism, I didn’t appreciate her condemnation of a whole group of women, many of whom I’m related to. I told her that Catholic, pro-life women were the ones who taught me to be strong and independent. Then I walked away. Around the same time, I actually belonged to PE... More About: Join , Peta
Chapter 19 & 20
2009-05-02 16:18:00 Should Olivia give up an exciting career to settle down with Max? Or does she prefer her career killing worthless men? Ahh, the saga continues… More About: Chapter
Five Things More Important than Pork Lung or Swine Flu or Whatever the Hell
2009-05-01 03:45:00 1. The Environment: A provision to allow oil drilling within three miles of our coast flew through the Florida House of Representatives. The Senate killed the bill, for now, but did *your* Representative vote for it? Find out now. 2. Country Music No Longer Sucks: You heard it here first. Phil Vassar wrote a song called Bobbi With an *i* about a good ‘ole country boy who likes to wear dresses and no one calls for him to be sodomized or thrown from the back of a Ford truck. 3. Women’s Issues: Two bills going through Congress will help reduce the need for abortions in this country: The Prevention First Act and The Pregnant Women Support Act. Folks with a lot to gain from the culture wars will try to convince you that these acts are in competition for the same funds. Reject their arguments. We need them both. 4. Gun Violence: In most states anyone can walk into a gun show and buy guns — like AK-47s — from unlicensed sellers without a Brady criminal background check. Las... More About: Pork , Hell , Things
This Swine Flu Hysteria Has Been Brought to You By…
2009-04-28 22:38:00 Who is aware that there were two cops killed in Northern Florida this weekend? Anyone? All two of you…wow. That’s two more than I would have guessed. Instead of reporting real news of consequence, the media is focused on hysteria and confusion in the hopes of garnering more readers and viewers. Desperation is so not hot. But, like swine flu, it is contagious. Meanwhile, I’m fighting the urge to tell everyone I meet at the ballpark or the supermarket to read Philip Alcabes, grow some common sense, and employ a bit of wisdom. In other words, relax. And wash your hands. That sniffle ain’t swine flu. So far, this disease hasn’t killed a single person in the United States. Yet angry men with guns have killed dozens. Where is the outrage and sense of alarm over gun violence? Wow. Still all two of you. Amazing. Todd Schnitt was on the radio yesterday yelling about the woefully unprepared Obama Administration (because we don’t have a Surgeon General yet... More About: Hysteria
Canoeing Down the Hillsborough River
2009-04-27 19:15:00 I’m about to endorse something I’ve previously spoken against - outdoor activity. Take a deep breath, collect yourself…and we’re back. Dig if you will the picture of me in a canoe with my three boys, paddling down the Hillsborough River , and *not* bitching about the sun, bugs, or humidity. I know. Mindblowing. Whether I’m attending little league baseball games, getting near-naked to swim in the ocean, or knowing all the words to a ridiculous Carrie Underwood song…I’m either an ever-evolving, ever-growing open-minded hottie who embraces life *OR* an embarrassment to free-thinking urbanites everywhere. Maybe both. But nevertheless, Saturday morning, deep in the heart of Thonotosassa, my family and I had a blast. The canopy of trees overhead keep out the harshest rays of sunlight and provide a home to hundreds of birds that delight paddlers with their pretty songs. Amidst all the green leaves and moss, you can spot dozens of winged creatures...
Cleaning Out the Old with the Old
2009-04-26 21:57:00 Is there anything more satisfying than an afternoon spent helping your parents clean out their garage? Helping Mom and Dad to live a less cluttered life is a way to give back to the two people who love you more than life itself. It’s a way to show your gratitude and appreciation for all those nights they babysit your kids and make delicious home-cooked meals. It’s a way to make room for your own shit until you find a place of your own. Dad got started yesterday and requested Mom’s help in disposing of a few items. (And when I say “few” I mean “970.” At least.) After a few minutes Mom walked back in the house holding a decorative basket. She looked around with furrowed brow. “Whatcha got there?” I asked. “I thought this would look nice somewhere.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe put some candles in it.” “Yes,” I nodded, thinking about all the baskets hanging around with old lottery tickets an... More About: Cleaning
Christian License Plates Approved in Florida Senate
2009-04-25 21:58:00 All the Florida Senate had to hear was one word: Jesus. And that was good enough for them. They approved the latest Holy Roller-related license plates without even seeing them. But Senator Ronda Storms didn’t need to see them, she sees Jesus in her dreams each night and now she wants you to see Him too. Especially when stuck in traffic. Storms’ “I Believe” plate would benefit Faith in Teaching, an Orlando company that funds faith-based programs at schools. Its design features a cross over a stained-glass window. The government has no business manufacturing religious figures on license plates. The House killed a similar bill (praiseJesus) and the ACLU registered opposition (doublepraiseJesus.) My own Senator Victor Crist has a decent idea. For a change. Coming Monday: A push to eliminate all specialty plates within two years in favor of specialty stickers sold for use on standard Florida license plates. (This will) generate more revenue for charities and most... More About: Christian , License
Contributing to Creative Loafing and My Stance on Torture
2009-04-25 01:03:00 Lots of stuff going on in Kate’s world. Had a contributor’s meeting with the peeps at Creative Loafing. Because I’m one of their contributors. Don’t hate me because I rock. Just visit CL’s site or get the paper and behold my glory. Anyway, as I drove home afterwards, it occurred to me why I love Tampa so goddamn much. It’s not just the beaches and family. It doesn’t simply have to do with a red hot career. It isn’t only because my closest friends are all around me or because smoothies and love toys are incredibly cheap. And it isn’t because I finally look good in a bathing suit. All that helps. But what really counteracts the humidity, Lutz rednecks, and silly-stupid politics is that I am connected to my community here. I love being part of the conversation. The people here value what I do and I feel all fulfilled and shit. Sitting in between Wayne Garcia and Jim Johnson - not only was I turned on, but realized more than ever tha... More About: Torture
GOP Donor “Dr. Gary” Seeks to Alter Children’s Vaccinatio
2009-04-22 16:36:00 In a long list of Republicans who eschew science and reason at every turn, Gary Kompothecras, a self-proclaimed “rainmaker”, is using his money and influence to change how our children are vaccinated. All because his children are autistic. Otherwise, I doubt he’d give a shit. Why do people suffer a tragedy and then turn into douchebags? ”Dr. Gary” can’t control his children’s health like he controls his career and, apparently, Florida politicians so, by God, innocent children all over the state will be exposed to preventable diseases and illnesses. Fan-f*cking-tastic. “Gary Kompothecras, parent to two autistic children, believes early-childhood vaccines containing ethyl mercury are to blame for their condition. Other parents of autistic children share his belief.” Great. People are entitled to believe anything they want, even nonsense that isn’t backed up by a single peer-reviewed study. Dude might also think the world is... More About: Children , Alter
Urge Your Legislators to Vote NO on Crazy Ass Laws like SB956 and PCB-EDCA
2009-04-20 22:44:00 So, Sansom was indicted. Finally. Good news, to be sure, but what are his colleagues up to? How ’bout this… These bills (SB 956 and EDCA8) would strip voting rights away from thousands of otherwise eligible Floridians and forbid anyone from helping voters who are being denied their right to vote. We are already the laughing stock of the nation, so let’s send an URGENT message to Gov. Crist and House Speaker Cretul & Senate President Atwater. The three stooges. Or not. Let them decide. Tell them to stand up to this political power grab that will only make it more difficult to vote in Florida. When thinking about recent voting scandals, do we really need to make the whole thing more difficult? No, of course we don’t. Email the Speaker of the House, the one who hasn’t been indicted yet, the Senate President and the Governor and tell them to get off their ass and protect the right to vote. A *please* and *thank you* might help. Ya never know. More About: Laws , Crazy , Vote , Legislators , Urge
“Babe. Don’t worry about your breasts. Your old classmates will
2009-04-18 20:39:00 Most of my readers will remember the posts I’ve written regarding an old high school classmate of mine, Darby Steadman, who is struggling with cancer. She has turned that struggle into an opportunity to help women, both today and in the future. Here’s our chance to help out, too. The Driving for Driving Miss Darby Golf Tournament and Reunion Party The Golf Tournament will be held on Saturday, May 30th at Pebble Creek Golf Club at 10550 Regents Park Drive, Tampa, Florida 33647. We have a shotgun start at 1:00 p.m. Our Reunion Party will be held at 8:00 p.m. that evening (Saturday, May 30th) at Stumps Supper Club in Tampa. Stumps is located in Channelside and is attached to a piano bar, Howl at the Moon. Stumps has live music all night and dancing starts at 10:00 p.m. Stay tuned for RSVP, payment information, donation information, and sponsorship information. Thanks so much for your patience and continued interest! Funny story - I told an old friend that the only way I&rsq... More About: Worry , Breasts , Babe
Raise the Driving Age to 18
2009-04-16 15:36:00 I should form a political action committee (PAC) requiring every woman in America to have a weekly orgasm. Pick your favorite toy or partner and have at it, girls, because good stiff bone jobs would surely promote peace both at home and abroad. Seriously, how many of these women t-bagging it yesterday have had one in the last year? Less than two. Guaranteed. Weekly trips to heaven would help the men, too. Lord knows they wouldn’t complain. And doesn’t a day devoted to love toys have a nice ring to it? At the same time, policing such a program is nearly impossible. So I gotta pick my battles. I keep threatening my political friends with another PAC idea that would actually save lives: raise the driving age to 18. Let’s go back in time for a moment, shall we? Years ago, I can remember ineffective parents listening to my child-rearing ideas and responding with, “It’s not that easy. You wait and see.” Always. I’d talk about limited television... More About: Driving
What the hell is wrong with President Obama?
2009-04-15 03:05:00 Did you hear? Obama is vowing to fight piracy. “I want to be very clear that we are resolved to halt the rise of piracy in that region and to achieve that goal, we’re going to have to continue to work with our partners to prevent future attacks,” Obama said at a Washington news conference. A fucking news conference over this. Sea Pirates Tainted Peanut Butter. E-Coli Spinach. A.I.G. General Motors. Steroids in Baseball. Bernie Madoff. Nothing on gun violence. It’s just not enough of a problem. Jesus. Even Newsweek does everything but call him and his administration a bunch of pussies. Seems the only folks doing anything is the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. They are the only ones consistently calling on our elected officials to get their heads out of the sand and put a stop to it. Join them. Send out an email to your representative in Congress, or Obama himself, and volunteer to help spread the word. For the love of Pete, people. Do something. More About: President , Hell , Wrong
I Get the Best Phone Calls - Ongoing
2009-04-13 13:25:00 While helping out with a Chamberlain High School reunion/fundraiser and watching an old friend post even older pictures of me on Facebook last night, I dealt with phone calls like this…it’s too bad I don’t do drugs. Me: Hello? Her: Back in college, didn’t you and Chris Ryals have a thing? Me: (long pause) I’m fine. How are you? Her: Seriously. You and Chris. A thing, right? Me: (gulp) That’s one way of putting it. Her: Go to this website: www- Me: Idon’twantto. Her: Come on. It’s www- Me: Idon’twantto. Her: Why not? Me: The last time I went somewhere online to see about an ex-boyfriend, it was the guy’s mugshot and he’d been arrested on murder charges. Her: That’s true. (long pause) But he was found not guilty. Me: Still. Her: Come on. Don’t be a pussy. Go to www- Me: Pleasedon’tmakeme. Her: If you don’t look at this website with me, I will come over there and pound it into the keyboard myse... More About: Phone , Calls , Phone Calls
Sickles T-Shirt Offends - We All See What We Want to See
2009-04-09 18:25:00 Every year at high schools across the country, female students take part in Powder Puff football games. They compete against each other while male students dress in drag to perform as cheerleaders. It’s a silly and ridiculous ritual. But in the grand scheme of things, this tradition is rather harmless. Students raise some needed funds and everyone usually has a good time before retiring to the captain’s house for a raging kegger. They also sell Powder Puff t-shirts to commemorate the event. Administrators at Sickles High School got into a bit of trouble with this year’s t-shirt when a few parents called to say that the shirt was “obscene” and “inappropriate.” As a teacher, I saw obscene and inappropriate shirts on our students every day. Rarely did parents complain. So when I heard this, I naturally had to see the offensive garb for myself. Needless to say, I was terribly disappointed. Check it. Some *concerned women* in the community think... More About: Shirt , T-Shirt
I Get the Best IMs - Ongoing
2009-04-08 22:02:00 This morning, I tried to get a few things done but my brother had other ideas. Brother: How many people died eating tainted peanut butter? Me: I dunno. Ever hear of Google? (long pause) Brother: Twelve people died because of bad peanut butter and the government was all over it. Thirteen people died in Binghamton last week and nothin’ happened. Why? Cause guns rule. Me: Hmmm. Good point. Brother: Blog that shit. Done.
What is Wrong with The St. Petersburg Times? From Our “This is News?&
2009-04-08 16:56:00 Newspapers are dying all over the country. Those of us who want reliable sources of news, about events that matter and effect our lives, are forced to search outside our hometowns because local papers are focusing on bullshit like this… The St. Petersburg Times is running a site that publishes the arrests, including charge and mug shots, of those recently busted in the Tampa Bay area. Are they going to publish updates about which of these charges get dropped? How about the poor schmucks who are tried and found not guilty? The St. Petersburg Times said they will “probably not” publish updates beyond the initial embarrassing photo and booking information. Because that would be, you know, real reporting. And who’s got time for that? More About: News , Wrong
What is Wrong with The St. Petersburg Times? From Our “This is News?&
2009-04-08 16:56:00 Newspapers are dying all over the country. Those of us who want reliable sources of news, about events that matter and effect our lives, are forced to search outside our hometowns because local papers are focusing on bullshit like this… The St. Petersburg Times is running a site that publishes the arrests, including charge and mug shots, of those recently busted in the Tampa Bay area. Are they going to publish updates about which of these charges get dropped? How about the poor schmucks who are tried and found not guilty? The St. Petersburg Times said they will “probably not” publish updates beyond the initial embarrassing photo and booking information. Because that would be, you know, real reporting. And who’s got time for that? More About: News , Wrong
Facebook Fun - Ongoing
2009-04-07 15:30:00 I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to laugh again. An old friend and I were talking about the propensity of some to leave private messages on walls throughout Facebook without realizing it’s a public forum. In other words, we can all read that junk about your tubal ligation and how it causes wicked cramps. In the spirit of tomfoolery or douchebaggery (whichever you prefer), I thought it might be funny to leave slightly inappropriate and intensely personal Facebook wall messages - on purpose. For example, I’ll randomly pick an old college friend and write: “I ran into that guy I used to dry hump on your couch back in ‘91. He’s balding now and worships Satan, but otherwise seems to be doing well. What’s his name again?” Or maybe: “Hi there - I’m having some problems. Every morning, I hear voices coming out of the shower head. Makes it impossible to shampoo and rinse. I seem to remember you minored in Psychology. Wha...
Silence is the New Black
2009-04-06 19:17:00 Back in college, I had a good friend and we were quite close. When it became clear that we would not get romantically involved, or maybe he just tired of our platonic relationship, he said some awful things about me. All over campus, people repeated these lies. When I found out, I lost my mind. I resembled a mini-tornado - setting the record straight and revealing his struggles and sharing his secrets and ruining his reputation and scaring the children and blowing a few brain cells in the process. I was a terror. I am not proud of this. But no one has dogged me since. So I haven’t had a whole lot of practice dealing with this kind of issue…as an adult. A part of me wants to revert back because it always made me feel better to torch the town. Do you know how satisfying it would be to hear, “Yeah, Kate. That shit’s crazy.” But another part of me knows that to write about everything would only make me feel worse. I am a grown-up now. And I’ve ... More About: Black , Silence
Cursing and Confederate Flags
2009-04-05 16:38:00 I drove my children to the ballpark yesterday and they were carrying on in their usual way. Laughing, making funny faces at each other, asking me questions about the Cuban Missile Crisis. Your usual third grade behavior. After a few minutes, they whispered something to each other, straightened up, and got unusually quiet. “Mommy, watch this,” Oldest said. They sat still as I drove down a winding road in the heart of rural Hillsborough County. Then, in my rearview mirror, I watched Oldest point at a Confederate flag in front of someone’s house. As if moving in slow motion, my children stuck up their middle fingers, booed at the house… and made faces at the men gathered in front of it. At first I thought my eyes must be, as Youngest used to say, “misunderstaken.” “What did you just do?” I sped up to get past all the angry stares. My little angels repeated their gestures, complete with tongues hanging out and obnoxious noises that belong... More About: Cursing
Girls - That Mascara Isn’t Ready for You Yet
2009-04-04 17:19:00 My mom is worried about me. Thinks I’m going to implode or explode or something. So far she’s been able to resist suggesting I pray to Our Blessed Mother. But really it’s only a matter of time. So I better calm down and focus my energy elsewhere before she wraps a rosary around my hand and starts singing hymns. Eww. I went to my hair stylist recently and noticed several young girls in the salon getting manicures and pedicures. I asked if they were in for a special occasion and their mother looked at me like I was nuts. “This is our weekly routine,” she said. Then she looked at my hands in a most disapproving manner. One daughter was no more than ten years old. The other girl had to be about seven. And manicures are their weekly routine? Maybe Glenn Beck is right. Maybe the economy isn’t in bad shape. Let me just say this - I don’t believe that girls should be in beauty salons. Ever. This might sound strange coming from someone who’s ... More About: Girls , Mascara , Ready
Gather Round, Girls
2009-04-03 14:39:00 Years ago, someone gave me a birthday card that said, toward the bottom: “You are the kind of person who only asks of others what you’re willing to give yourself.” I still have that card. I would never want to behave like a hypocrite, so it meant something to me that I was viewed in such a positive manner. I try to remember to be that kind of person still. Which leads to today’s post. As I look back and try to make some sense out of my personal history these last few years, even these last few months, it occurs to me that on more than one occasion I’ve asked for a certain amount of leniency. Hell, just a bit of good, old-fashioned benevolence. Wanna know what I received instead? From… David - Not a word of concern or compassion. Not an email or a phone call or an outstretched hand. The silence was cold, callous, and deafening. Aaron - When I asked him, with tears in my eyes, to go easy because I was devastated, his exact words were: “Have a... More About: Girls , Gather , Round
Is Revenge the Same as Justice? Can a Vendetta Ever Be Justified?
2009-04-02 16:18:00 I’m just curious. Lemme tell you my story and then you decide. Check it. Three years ago, Husband had a job offer in Tampa, but took one in Colorado instead. The Colorado gig had more potential. So we paid for him to fly back and forth, dealt with separation issues, sold our house at a loss and moved our happy asses to Colorado. We found ourselves in a toxic environment from the beginning. Our closest friends out there had awful, horrible, nasty, disturbing shit to say about each other. Think Desperate Housewives/Dallas/Falcon Crest nonsense. I listened and… Kept everything to myself. Everything. I told no one and simply chalked it up to venting, nerves, stress, or the fact that a few of them were in a very bad place emotionally. I tried to calm, counsel, and suggest medication. When it appeared that things weren’t working out as promised, I did not blame anyone. Solution-based, I found a better job in Florida and moved our happy asses back home. Husband was able to get fl... More About: Justice , Revenge , Justified
Chapter 18
More articles from this author:2009-04-02 14:35:00 A fictional reminder that sometimes killing is justified. More About: Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
 |
|
 |
