Out in Left FieldOut in Left FieldWhere parenting and politics meet, but don't always play nice. Articles
When life hands you lemons, try and make a profit
2010-06-28 15:51:00 I blame The Lemonade War and a sluggish economy. That’s right, a child’s book and an environment where Mommy simply cannot afford yet another video game and more toilet paper at the same time are to blame for what went down at my house last Friday. Admittedly, I was also part of the problem. A ... More About: Life , Profit , Hands , Make
Theology for kids
2010-06-25 23:48:00 I love it when my children ask questions which indicate something is going on upstairs other than concern over what I’m serving for dinner. I just wish they’d wait until after I get off the phone before hitting me with the really important issues. “Is God Christian?” Youngest asked. I looked around the kitchen, empty ... More About: Theology , Kids
16 ways to enjoy a high school reunion
2010-06-24 00:27:00 This past weekend, Husband and I attended another one of those “let’s get together and reminisce about a time when we could bend down and touch our toes” events. Reunions are tricky, I tend to avoid mine, but this particular crew of groovy graduates is terrific. They love my husband and don’t seem to mind ... More About: Enjoy , School , High School , High
Worst morning ever
2010-06-21 23:47:00 Most moms I know can remember the really bad mornings, the ones that didn’t involve death or dismemberment, but were equally as upsetting. I know I can. Try and beat this. 01.04.07 After getting my children ready for school, I went into my room for my favorite daily ritual: staring into the magnifying mirror and ... More About: Morning
Model the behavior you seek in others – or just give up and laugh
2010-06-18 14:59:00 If you don’t have something nice to say about someone, come sit by me. People tend to get worked up, or concerned, about behavior they themselves exhibit. How many times have you heard a friend yell at her son for interrupting and fought the urge to say, “Bitch, do you hear yourself during our conversations? I ... More About: Behavior , Model , Give
Symptoms of a dreaded disease
2010-06-16 23:17:00 I can’t keep up with all the new illnesses, conditions, and diseases out there. Something that used to require just a good swift kick in the arse, now calls for medication and a support group. Issues previously attributed to laziness or faulty upbringing, are now much more complicated, and adding fiber to our diets won’t ... More About: Disease , Symptoms
Our kitchen table
2010-06-14 19:27:00 You might think just because I’ve got a career, happy family, and blue eyes that I’ve got it all. You might think because I scored an agent and the greatest friends known to man that I’m perfectly content and satisfied. You might think that I have no idea what it feels like to be lonely, ... More About: Kitchen , Table
“Who said you were entitled to a vacation?”
2010-06-11 21:48:00 I had at least twelve lengthy conversations with my mom before leaving my teaching career to return to the business world. I lived in Colorado at the time. Husband and I wanted to come home to Tampa, but knew that would require her assistance. “You’re about to retire,” I said. “Are you sure you want to ... More About: Vacation
Fun conversations with my parents – ongoing
2010-06-10 16:53:00 Have you met my dad? He’s a kinder, gentler Archie Bunker who looks a little like Dick Cheney. For years, we worried about his health, but recently, through sheer will and determination, he put his love of pork products on hold to lose about twenty-five pounds and cut his diabetes meds in half. We are so ... More About: Parents
Still sick of the so-called “Mommy Wars”
2010-06-02 19:18:00 Too many women justify choices in child-rearing by dumping on society, moms who choose differently, or their own children. Shut up already. At-Home Moms: Good for you. You’re dealing with less income, shitty diapers, and an aggressive steam cleaner that was supposed to make your life easier. Your kids will surely benefit from a full-time caregiver ...
“But I’ve been drinking cranberry juice.”
2010-05-31 21:56:00 Seven months ago, my doctor’s office called about a blood test. Focused on my platelet count and thyroid numbers, I didn’t really pay attention to her other concerns. “The test shows you have a urinary tract infection,” she said. “But I’ve been drinking cranberry juice for years,” I said. “Cosmopolitans don’t count, Catherine.” “Besides, I don’t exhibit any of ... More About: Drinking
Goodbye fourth grade
2010-05-26 15:43:00 This is the last week of school. For two glorious months, my twin sons will enjoy a summer break before beginning the final year of their elementary career. Fifth grade, here we come. I cannot believe I’m old enough to have children going into fifth grade. Oh who am I kidding? The other day I discovered ...
What is Memorial Day all about?
2010-05-25 00:45:00 For most people, next Monday is just another day off. It’s an occasion to sleep late, fry on the beach, or enjoy a few beers with belligerent cousins at a family barbecue. When our children were born, Husband and I started a new tradition of observing certain holidays by honoring the reasons they became holidays in ... More About: Memorial Day , Memorial
How to be a good wife – we can learn a lot from the 1950s
2010-05-21 21:07:00 The Good Wife ’s Guide, supposedly from a 1950s textbook, advises women on how to get along with their husbands. Read it here. You probably expect me to gripe about unenlightened days before Calgon took us away; a time when most women needed prescription drugs just to get out of bed each morning. Wrong! Where has this manifesto ... More About: Learn
Things I’ve learned from my Irish Catholic relatives
2010-05-18 21:10:00 First of all, I recognize the redundancy of the title. One of the first things I learned was that if you’re Irish , you’re Catholic . Protestants are of British descent. And you’re supposed to say that with a very sad look, as if you pity the poor limey bastard. What about Irish Jews and Buddhists and atheists? ... More About: Relatives , Things
When you grow older in the town you grew up in
2010-05-17 22:53:00 Isn’t it fun running into people who know you from somewhere? If you are growing older in the same town you grew up in, surely you have conversations like this almost everywhere you go. It can’t just be me, right? With few exceptions, Blast From the Past and I relive our youth, determine how we know ... More About: Town
Hey, pregnant lady
2010-05-16 23:12:00 A dear friend is pregnant and oh, so excited. Her first baby, belly just starting to grow – the best of times! I don’t want to stomp on her buzz, but someone has to prepare this woman for the ultimate in horror shows. Because what starts out quite lovely… Turns ugly real f*cking quick. More About: Pregnant , Lady
My schedule when Husband is away – starting in three weeks
2010-05-13 21:08:00 7am- Feel tickle, brush away, and curse Florida bugs. 7:02am- Feel tickle again, open eyes and see two smiling ten year-olds. Mutter “You’ve got to be kidding me with this 7am shit.” Roll over. 7:05am- Hear “Mommy, can we snuggle?” and give in because kids might play major-league ball one day. Pretend interrupted dream about Owen Wilson ... More About: Schedule
How can you tell teachers are ready for summer break?
2010-05-06 22:31:00 In about a month, school will be over. My children cannot wait. Me? I’d consider voting for a gun-toting, pro-life Republican (is there any other kind?) if he promised to make year-round schooling a reality. When I taught high school, I felt quite differently about summer vacation. And as much as I loved my students, I ... More About: Summer , Break
How to enjoy a day at the beach with kids
2010-05-04 22:01:00 I spent years wondering why so many people enjoyed the beach. Have you ever really looked at those tourists baking like lobsters in the heat of a summer’s day? They don’t look like they’re having fun. My parents dragged me to Anna Maria Island or Clearwater Beach a few times. I’d marvel at crowds of ... More About: Kids , Enjoy
Purity balls: weird sex talk, disturbing pre-teen ritual, or both?
2010-04-29 23:12:00 I have two little boys and love their rough and tumble ways – it suits me. No idea what I’d do with a daughter. In general, girls scare me with their Barbie dolls and princess parties. I don’t even know how to braid hair. As a teacher, female students repelled with low self-esteem and emotional issues. ... More About: Weird , Talk , Balls , Ritual
How you can tell the summer trip is over before it starts
2010-04-26 22:54:00 Nothing frightens parents more than summer vacation. Kids look forward to a few months of fun and frolic. Moms and dads wonder how they can fill ten hours a day with activities when there’s nothing good on television. One way to fill the time is to take a summer trip. This is what my family does ... More About: Summer , Trip
If you must have children, an argument for cleansing and doing it right
2010-04-23 21:09:00 When I look at my precious ten year-old sons, I marvel at their innocence and beauty. I let my finger trace clusters of freckles near their noses. I gently brush back unruly, brown hair, with enviable red highlights, and kiss the softest skin around their eyes. Then I usually thank God they are finally asleep. ... More About: Children
Ready to have kids? Don’t.
2010-04-21 21:55:00 Couples all over America are considering unprotected sex tonight. Men and women, caught up in daydreams about her nose and his eyes on a brand-new, beautiful human being. They are perusing parenting books, hoping for inspiration and overpopulation statistics that are far less depressing than what they’ve found on the Internet. You know the type. She wants ... More About: Kids
Home sweet home
2010-04-19 22:48:00 Back in 1996, less than a year into our marriage, my husband and I desperately needed a change. Our hometown suddenly seemed old and inadequate. We wanted to escape suburbia and live somewhere exciting. We packed up everything we owned and never looked back, saying goodbye to Tampa without a single tear. Goodbye unbearable heat! Goodbye ... More About: Home , Sweet
Toilet humor: How to survive the hemoccult experience
2010-04-14 22:05:00 I have always hated poop. My mother told me I started complaining about stinky diapers when I was six months old. Before my first birthday, I’d had enough of sitting in my own filth. I got undressed, grabbed a newspaper, climbed up on that porcelain throne, and became a “big girl.” Fast forward thirty years, when ... More About: Humor , Experience , Toilet , Survive
Weekend observations, plus a plug or two
2010-04-12 23:34:00 I usually spend my weekends knee-deep in dirty laundry and sports-related injuries. Sometimes a bit of excitement finds its way in, like that time I emptied my son’s school supplies and screamed because a Ziploc bag, filled with the contents of an owl pellet, looks a lot like weed. Factor in at least a half-hour ... More About: Weekend , Observations , Plug
How I give back/Advice that works – One way to save your sanity
2010-04-09 18:45:00 Sometimes, when I get annoyed or angry, Husband will walk me over to a picture of his brother’s bar mitzvah. This is an older picture, circa 1970. Husband points at a little boy who’s wearing a brown suit, no more than two years of age, standing in front of the crowd. The toddler’s chocolate brown ... More About: Advice , Back , Works , Give , Save
How to prepare for guests who think you’re nuts
2010-04-07 22:14:00 Friends are like the sweet cream frosting on top of a red velvet cake; they make everything that’s already good even that much more delicious. And then they induce a bowel movement. But they are so worth the trouble, no? As I’ve often said, I look for mutual adoration in every relationship. That’s the best foundation and ... More About: Guests
Who has time between flag football and allergy outbreaks to answer chain em
More articles from this author:2010-04-06 03:08:00 Dear Lovely Readers, Sometimes, when checking my email account, I find messages from Facebook friends and immediately regret joining that destroyer of time and good taste. Creating an account under my real name was a bad call; not only do I have to defend old pictures and what I was thinking at the time (“Coloring hair ... More About: Football , Answer , Time , Flag 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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