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BLACK DOG PRESS

BLACK DOG PRESS
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NEW MEL GIBSON MOVIE OFFENDS!
2009-06-23 07:24:00
NEW MEL GIBSON MOVIE OFFENDS!CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE IIIMel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one."Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids.However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias sugg...
More About: Movie

ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLS
2009-06-23 07:21:00
ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLSAs the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islam ic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. The "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power."
More About: Spice Girls , Answer

ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLS
2009-06-23 07:21:00
ISLAM'S ANSWER TO THE SPICE GIRLSAs the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islamic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. The "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power."
More About: Spice Girls , Answer , The Spice Girls

AL ROKER GETS IN FIGHT WITH MATHEW FOX ON THE TODAY SHOW
2009-06-23 07:18:00
AL ROKER GETS IN FIGHT WITH MATHEW FOX ON THE TODAY SHOW"Tell me the location of Lost island, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her," Al Roker yelled to Mathew Fox on an interview during the Today Show .Al Roker has long stated his ambition to find lost island and live there forever. "all the answers are there, they just need a leader who will make sex slaves out of the women." Roker has said before. Al, who now only calls himself the Weatherman, then asked Fox if he would help him do a home invasion. "I want to force a father to have sex with his daughter, and a mother to have sex with her son," Al told Fox. Producers of the today show are happy to point out that Al is more popular than ever, and part of his appeal to the public is straight talk to the american people.
More About: Fight , Today Show , The Today Show

Harry Potter Bathhouse Scandal
2009-06-23 07:12:00
LUCIUS MALFOY BATHHOUSE SCANDALDraco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, World of Harry Potter in turmoil.This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested.The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the Wizard who supports "he who must not be named," was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Alth...
More About: Scandal

AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONG
2009-06-23 06:57:00
AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONGThursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. "I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all.""I'm really sorry for inspiring fear and alternative difficult lifestyles for so many people", said Go...
More About: Global Warming , Global , Wrong

AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONG
2009-06-23 06:57:00
AL GORE ADMITS GLOBAL WARMING IS WRONGThursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. "I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt.The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all.""I'm really sorry for inspiring fear an...
More About: Global Warming , Global , Wrong

Actual Quotes From Shia LaBeouf
2009-06-18 01:31:00
Actual Quotes From Shia LaBeoufThe actor who gets to be in Transformers with Megan Fox seems to only be able to focus on phallic images and Steven Spielberg, as demonstrated from a quote from one of his latest interviews."When I was a kid I used to dress up as a clown and do "tricks" in front of my fathers hot dog stand. I was helping to sell the "hot dogs".Now I basically do the same thing except Steven Spielberg is sellingthe hot dogs." -From the mouth of Shia.Now for all who were forced to read that, a hot picture of Megan Fox.
More About: Shia Labeouf

NBC Green-lights New Barack Obama Sitcom
2009-06-17 04:33:00
NBC Green -lights New Barack Obama Sitcom Momma Dora" NBC has hired Martin Lawrence to head the cast in it's controversial sitcom about the first family, "Momma Dora." The show which in pre-production was called "first in law," is about the crazy antics of Obama's mother in law. In the first episode Momma Dora (Martin Lawrence) bursts in on an Obama press conference, screaming, "Barry I got a 18/22 in the ladies room upstairs. Obama says,"Momma Dora, please call me Barack, and can't this wait, and what is a 18/22. "That's two 9/11's Barry, and if you don't get up there with a plunger soon, those chilli dogs I ate for breakfast are gonna make it a 27/33!" Momma Dora retorts. Later on in the first episode Momma Dora dresses up as an Italian waiter when Barack makes her stay home as he and Michele dine with Denzal Washington at a fancy restaurant. When she is discovered Obama yells what p...

Al Roker Attacks Fox Producers
2009-06-17 04:29:00
Al Roker Attacks Fox Producers Al Roker Attacks Fox Producers."Write me in as a love interest in your show Ally McBeal, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her," Roker screamed this morning on the The Today Show. "That white bitch needs to start eating some meat," Roker said his new Today Show segment called, "Shows that need my Black meat." Roker who now only calls himself the Weatherman, seems unaware that Ally McBeal has been canceled for over 2 years. This did not stop him from making his demands. Fox executives, are in negotiation with Calista Flockhart, to star in a new Ally miniseries. But Roker insists on writing the script himself, and promises his fans many real sex scenes between him and Ally McBeal. "Im gonna make that skeleton bitch hurt"
More About: Al Roker

NBC Greenlights New Barack Obama Sitcom
2009-02-16 10:32:00
NBC Green-lights New Barack Obama Sitcom Momma Dora" NBC has hired Martin Lawrence to head the cast in it's controversial sitcom about the first family, "Momma Dora." The show which in pre-production was called "first in law," is about the crazy antics of Obama's mother in law. In the first episode Momma Dora (Martin Lawrence) bursts in on an Obama press conference, screaming, "Barry I got a 18/22 in the ladies room upstairs. Obama says,"Momma Dora, please call me Barack, and can't this wait, and what is a 18/22. "That's two 9/11's Barry, and if you don't get up there with a plunger soon, those chilli dogs I ate for breakfast are gonna make it a 27/33!" Momma Dora retorts. Later on in the first episode Momma Dora dresses up as an Italian waiter when Barack makes her stay home as he and Michele dine with Denzal Washington at a fancy restaurant. When she is discovered Obama yells what promises to be the next catch phrase in American popular culture,"Momma Dora!"

Barack Obama's Secret Girlfriend
2008-06-08 23:06:00
New Scandal Rocks Barack Obama's Campaign Barack Obama today neither confirmed or denied that he is madly in love with Alexis Bledel."I think everybody in America is in love with Alexis," Barack said to students in North Carolina, "But the idea that just because I own every season of Gilmore Girls, and only make love to Michelle when Alexis's face is freeze framed, well the idea that that makes me in love with her, is absurd." Michelle Obama has lived with this for years, and has privately admitted that Barack's problem began when the movie Tuck Everlasting came out. "He likes to call it, well you can guess, everlasting," Michelle told a close friend. The Clinton campaign has always hinted that Barack might go after white girls once he is President, and they used this latest scandal to reintroduce the idea. "We all know that his father liked little white girls," Hillary Clinton sai...
More About: Girlfriend , Secret

Oliver Stone’s upcoming bio-pic on George Bush Shockinlg Anti Bush
2008-06-08 17:04:00
Oliver Stone’s upcoming bio-pic on George Bush Shocking Anti -Bush.I hate George W Bush almost as much as any aging liberal hippie drug addict douche bag. But Oliver remember that Bush quit drinking and doing cocaine and become more then anyone thought he could. For Christ sake it's clear that the man has a 5th grade reading level on his best days. Mr. Stone You were amazingly talented in the 80's, but fact is that your name been the standard bearer for ridiculously shitty movies for about two decades now. Have you ever seen the Doors? Don't bother just watch Wanyes' Word 2, which parodies your movie for about half the film. I think we all enjoy kicking Bush while he's down. But really no one would in Hollywood would touch your worthless ass if you weren't making an Anti-Bush movie. (BlackDog fact: 65 percent voted for George Bush in 2004, because he looks good in a cowboy hat)
More About: Oliver

BlackDog Sports. Yankees Suck. (Dick?)
2008-06-08 16:25:00
At Blackdog Press we are very busy fellows. Always getting the first Al Roker stories and outing gay droids from Star Wars. So we would just like to focus on the American League East, because really what other league is there. Gay Pride of The Yankees When Metro Sexual becomes more than just fashion. The shocking tale of New York Yankee's shortstop Derek Jeter, and what kind of all-star he is off the field.Derek Jeter has been linked to some very beautiful women. It's like he picks them off the front covers of people and other straight magazines. But the fact is that since Derek Jeter's rookie year the Yankee's have never been able to keep a bat boy longer than a month. " Derek just has a very different idea of what a "Yank" is." Said former team mate Wade Boggs. Apparently the situation is getting worse. "It's like a guy just can't get in the shower around here without Derek, j...
More About: Sports , Dick , Suck

Slutty Girl Scout Endorses Obama
2008-06-07 21:21:00
"I just can't resist chocolate," the slutty girl scout said when announcing her support for Barrack Obama DEARBORN, Mich. – Jenifer Shape knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats. "Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.15 year old Jennifer Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. Girl Scout sets record for cookie sales with 17,323 boxes sold "Wanna Know the only thing that tastes better then girl scout cookies?" (Balckdog fact #15 The Girl Scouts have surpassed catholic girls in amount of blow jobs given out annually)

Al Roker Rushed to Hospital, In Near Heart Attack
2008-06-07 21:15:00
With a copy of Vanity Fair clutched in his left hand and ky jelly coving his whole entire body, Al Roker was rushed to the hospital today, he could be heard screaming, "Bring me a real naked picture Miley Cyrus, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her!" Al, who now only calls himself the weather man, was only suffering from chronic masturbation syndrome, which doctors guessed was due to the Miley Cyrus photos released last week in Vanity Fair. It's been another hard week for America's favorite morning time personality. Al Roker, AkA , the weatherman has been up at all hours just trying to figure out where in the world Matt Laurer is. But when the Miley Cyrus pics came out Al was also forced to move up his masturbation rotation from 12 to 25 sometimes 30 sessions a day. Al this on top of his almost 24 vigil outside Heath Ledgers apartment, have worn Al out."He is just masterbating, like a man on fire, I...
More About: Hospital , Heart , Heart Attack , Attack

Hillary Clinton Forms New Party, So She Can Run Against McCain and Obama
2008-06-07 21:07:00
The New Party was formed late last night and is called The National Socialist International party, or the Nasi Party for short. Hillary sad these powerful words to announce the new party and her new candidacy as a third party candidate."To a National Socialist, things like PRIDE, HONOR, LOYALTY, COURAGE, DISCIPLINE, and MORALITY - actually MEAN something. Like our fore-fathers, we too are willing to SACRIFICE to build a better world for our children whom we love deeply, and like them as well - we are willing to DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to ACHIEVE THAT GOAL." We are your brothers and your sisters, we are your fathers and your mothers, your friends and your co-workers - WE ARE WHITE AMERICA, just like YOU!"(West Virgina voters) Hillary also makes a new youth group. Some critics say that Hillary's call for blood purity, is just another Clinton attempt to inject race i...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Obama

Bush Prepares for Castro Funeral
2008-06-07 21:00:00
President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro 's funeral Packing himself a sombrero and planning to make his famous Texas style tacos, President Bush made preparations to go to Castro's funeral. "I think it will be really neato," said the President. "We will have a fiesta, but a sad one, but still a good one." Bush claimed. The announcement came as a shock to White House staffers who were under the impression that Bush did not know who Castro was. "This is just the sort of thing we usually have to deal with in the N.F.L's off season," said a very distressed Bush handler. Bush seems to be under the impression that Castro was a big supporter in the War on terror and plans to present his widow a brand new "Cricket" cell phone. (Blackdog Fact #417, President Bush plans on becomeing the new host of The Price is Right After, he leaves office)
More About: Funeral

John McCain Picks Vice President
2008-06-07 20:57:00
John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate. "He reminds me of me when I was young and hip, John McCain shocked the political world today by picking Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been quoting the Christopher Walken monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war. McCain has started his strategy to appeal to youth voters. In recent campaign stops at local arcade McCain has been dressing and Talking i...
More About: President , John , Vice President , Vice , John McCain

New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors
2008-06-07 20:33:00
New Apple Iphone , to be marketed for Seniors Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy" Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies." But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box...
More About: Apple iphone

Whitehouse Doctor Sites New Study On War in Iraq
2008-06-07 20:29:00
Study confirms what has long believed to be true, Liberals have smaller breast then Conservatives. Can you tell how these women vote? (Hint the one on the right is a liberal) According to insurance call service technician, Robert Parker, small breasted women tend to be more liberal, sometimes even lesbians. "I have lived in Portland, OR for four years and I have only met two kinds of women," says Parker, "Lesbians and tinny titties." Parker who was kind enough to grant us interview on his lunch break elaborated further on his theory that is taking the country by storm. "You see I did not notice the phenomenon until visited home in Boise, suddenly I was surrounded by big breasted women." Parker goes on to explain that the combination of riding bikes and being a vegetarian not only makes a woman liberal it also gives them very small breasts. "Mr. Parker makes a very good point." Said Bush administration physici...
More About: Iraq , Study , Sites , War in Iraq , Doctor

Just How Did Jessica Alba Get Pregnant?
2008-06-07 20:25:00
This how is good Catholic girl Jessica Alba got pregnant. Or at least what happened immediately before. It makes me want to have babies, so does this. Jessica I love you and your hat juicy body, you make that Angelina Jolie look like a broken down brick house, you make motherhood sexy again. But please no more dumb movies with that A-hole Dane Cook.And what's up with that invisible girl you play in those crazy Fantastic 4 movies, your only invisible when your naked, and only naked when your invisible! WTF! (BD fact #54,my dream date is taking Jessica Alba out to Macdonald's and spilling a milkshake all over her butt when bends down to pick up a french fry that I cleverly dropped. It would help if she wears nothing but a thong on the date)
More About: Pregnant

Obama Reaches Out to Clinton Voters
2008-06-07 20:17:00
In an attempt to bridge the gap he has with uneducated white voters, Barack Obama went into a West Virginia Wall mart and bought his very first Billie Joel CD. Billie Joel's Greatest Hits. "Wow this is really awesome, Barack said after only 40 seconds of listening to it." Barack also bought the first five seasons of Friends and some new ammo for all the deer hunting he plans on doing in the next week. "Barack really is loving his new white lifestyle," said a senior Obama staff member. "He even did the tomahawk chop at the Washington National game yesterday, and the braves weren't even playing!" Ignorant whites everywhere are taking a second look at Barack. "I thought he was too much like that bad Ni#^ER Malcolm X, but I think he might be more like that nice colored boy Will Smith," said an ignorant non college educated white women, who still loves Hillary. (Blackdog fact #79, Hillary Clinton actually gets her race ...
More About: Voters

Ding Dong the Bitch Is Gone
2008-06-07 20:05:00
It is a very sad day for dumpy uneducated racists dumb white women everywhere. Hillary Clinton has dropped out, but we imagine she is still privatively hoping for her magic bullet theory to play out. For the press, and especially the Blackdog press, the news is very bitter sweet. Yes we all hate Hillary but many of us were hoping that she would commit suicide on live television. Being the first women to have serious run it would have been appropriate for her down a bottle of red wine with about 30 tylenol. Personally I would have preferred that she drink a bottle of Drano. But really, who are we going to write about now? Please keep running Hillary we are all very very bored (Blackdog Fact # 7 Actor Will Smith was inducted into the white hall of fame in 1999 for his work on Willimium)
More About: Bitch , Dong

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