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Barack Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-04-15 02:06:00 "I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine. "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff. The Pope went on to talk about many issues but had very kind words for Obama . "I see Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barack ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barack an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life." More About: Barack Obama , Words
Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign"
2008-04-14 23:36:00 Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign " Stupid white women everywhere go gaga over new Hillary slogan."I Have a Vagina, and I am proud of it""It is time to show some respect to vagina's in this country," Hillary told a captivated audience of people over 80 who are too racist to ever vote for a black man. It's time for the government to subsidize the price of tampons, at my last town hall meeting a single mother reached out and grabbed my hand, she told me that she has been using the same tampon since 1997. This is wrong." Hillary then did what only Maddona does with a American flag between the legs. "And I don't know about you girls, but I am sick of that nasty smell down there, it is time for the government to step in and work for real solutions of vagina oder, this is not something we can just hope will go away. "As you know my opponent does not have a vagina, we can not take a risk on this issue w... More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
New Mel Gibson Movie Offends!
2008-04-14 07:32:00 CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE III Mel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one." Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids. However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias suggest that a scene depicting "Big Momma's" trip to a restaurant has anti-Semitic dialog, wh... More About: Movie
Lucius Malfoy Bathhouse Scandal
2008-04-14 07:12:00 Draco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, World of Harry Potter in turmoil.This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested. The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the Wizard who supports "he who must not be named", was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Although it is ve... More About: Scandal
Al Roker Gets In Fight With Mathew Fox On The Today Show
2008-04-14 06:02:00 "Tell me the location of Lost island, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her," Al Roker yelled to Mathew Fox on an interview during the Today Show . Al Roker has long stated his ambition to find lost island and live there forever. "all the answers are there, they just need a leader who will make sex slaves out of the women." Roker has said before. Al, who now only calls himself the Weatherman, then asked Fox if he would help him do a home invasion. "I want to force a father to have sex with his daughter, and a mother to have sex with her son," Al told Fox. Producers of the today show are happy to point out that Al is more popular than ever, and part of his appeal to the public is straight talk to the american people. More About: Fight , Today Show , The Today Show
Islam's answer to the Spice Girls
2008-04-14 05:58:00 As the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islamic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. The "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power." More About: Spice Girls , Answer , The Spice Girls
Gore and son Asked to Leave Old Country Buffet
2008-04-14 04:33:00 What was supposed to be a night of reconciliation turned into a night of Humiliation, as Al Gore and his drug addict son were asked to leave an "Old Country Buffet ." They thought all you can eat really meant all you can eat.As father and son went for their 14th plate an empty buffet and a very apologetic manager waited for them. "I am so sorry Mr. Gore and Mr. Gore Junior but all the food has been eaten, and we are turning away customers." said the the frantic manager. "Do you realize I won the popular vote in 2000" Said a furious elder Gore. He then with his son started licking the remaining buffet plates as other patrons looked on in amazement. Luckily for the Gore boys their was a near by Macdonalds were they were able to exploit the $1 dollar menu, which they refer to as the 5.000 dollar menu. More About: Leave
Another Hillary Clinton Lie
2008-04-14 04:11:00 Hillary Clinton today admitted that she in fact was not a founding member of Fleetwood Mac."I misspoke ," Said the Senator. "I remember when me, Mick , and John , would all have to run into the venue to avoid sniper fire," the Senator has said at many a town hall meetings. Most reporters have no idea who Fleetwood Mac is, so there was no way for them to fact check her story, and anyway why would Hillary ever lie about anything? Things all came undone again at the hands of former comedian Sinbad. The sleuth who broke Clinton's Bosnia lie again weighed in. "If that white bitch was in Fleetwood Mac, then I am Howie "big time game show," Mandel." Sinbad said. Sinbad who has hurt feeling that Howie has left the has been status, is making a bit of a comeback by exposing Hillary Clinton lies. "I'm gonna look into that Vince Foster death again, why was there a bullet in his brain?" &... More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Hillary Clinton's Secret Crush on General Petraeus
2008-04-11 07:05:00 General Petraeus please "General Betray Us," Clinton won't condemn MoveOn.org's attack on the General, but she also cannot seem to keep her penetrating gaze off the military man.This is not the first time Hillary Cinton has been in love. In the Bill Clinton White House, staffers were often sent at late hours to Blockbuster video to rent Dolly Parton's "Straight Talk." When Bill was spending late hours with Monica, Hillary was cuddled up with light popcorn, Diet Pepsi and Dolly. Things ended tragically after Parton was invited to the White House, and Hillary learned the truth that they were fake. But things are different this time. General Petraeus is also a straight talker, and he is all real, and strangely he is all man. "We have never seen Hill like this before." said a staffer that would not be named. "It's like she is getting feelings she never thought she had. Like when I brought her coffee the other day she looked me in the ... More About: General , Secret
Tom Hanks Drops out of New Star Trek Project
2008-04-11 06:59:00 The film, currently starring Zachary Quinto (Heroes) as Spock and Anton Yelchin (Huff) as Chekov, is being directed by J.J. Abrams (Alias). Images9 Tom Hanks drops out of New Star Trek , amid speculation of his gay past.Earlier this month Blackdog Press broke the story of Tom Hanks secret gay past, when we discovered the unknown soft gay porn movie "Philadelphia," in which Hanks has gay sex in a porno theater. Well we were equally shocked when we came across this photo of Hanks and who we assume to be a lover. Hanks so far has denied most of the allegations against his, and in a statement with his wife Rita Wilson said "I am not Gay." No word yet on whether Mr. Hanks dropped out of the new Star Trek or was asked to leave by producers. More About: Project
Bush to Host Price Is Right After He Leaves Office
2008-04-11 06:52:00 George Bush announced his plans to host the CBS game show "The Price is Right" when he leaves office next year. Perhaps the most surprised were CBS executives who previously had no plans of hiring President for the job that Drew Carry inherited from Bob Barker. "Drew Carry is a nice fella," the President said, "but he is running the grand old game show into the ground, and if "Price is Right" gets canceled Al-Qaeda will be able say to the world that they defeated the United States. The President further laid out his plans to bring the show back to the basics with Bush's Beauties, and in a surprise choice, of Al Gore to replace Rod Roddy. "If he wears a purple blazer, and uses the gay southern voice of his, he will be the per... More About: Office , Host , Leaves
New Holocaust Ride to Open At Disney World Iran
2008-04-11 06:46:00 "I like it even better than Mr. Jews Wild Cattle Train Ride ," Said Iran President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.The new ride called the roller coaster of lies will open next week in the fantasy land section of Disney World Iran. Disney World Iran has been open for over two years and like Euro Disney has had to make some cultural readjustments to keep attendance up. For example instead of Hall of presidents they have the hall of whores, where park goers can stone real wives that have acted unfaithfully. Also on "Star Tours" 3-cpo is put to death daily for being a homosexual. More About: Open
Hillary Clinton Creates A New Youth Group Called the Hillary Youth
2008-04-08 04:20:00 Some critics say that Hillary 's call for blood purity, is just another Clinton attempt to inject race into the campaign, "Barack Obama's dad married a white women, can we really trust that he won't try to do the same sort of thing," Hillary was quoted this afternoon. (The Hillary Youth ) "I just want to create a place were young, American girls can feel safe to be themselves and to be proud of their heritage" Hillary said to reporters in West Virginia. "I am sick of the dangers of cocaine, malt liquor , and dice rolling, that these girls face, also for three months in college Barack Obama dated a white girl," Hillary quickly added. "vote for him by all means, just don't let your daughter sleep... More About: Hillary Clinton , Group
Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use
2008-04-08 04:11:00 Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use. "Yeah last night I was snorting cocaine off Tara Reids thighs." Obama told a cleary aroused Katie Couric. "Look" Barack Continued, "I did regret my drug use as a youth, I regretted that I didn't have enough money to party like I need to. You how cocaine is Katie, it runs out, I don't have that problem any more.""And listen up white people I not a muslum, I'm Malcolm fucking X, I'm outside your high school recruiting your daughters to be in my rap videos, Katie either change those panties or take them off, because that river running under your chair could provide water for all my brothers in Africa." At this... More About: Barack Obama , Barack , Drug Use
Michael J Fox admits to Parkinson's hoax.
2008-04-08 04:00:00 Michael J Fox admits to Parkinson's hoax. “I don’t have Parkinson's disease,” said the star of Doc Hollywood and, The Hard Way. “I just do to much cocaine, and I really wanted to get off that shitty show Spin City. Fox who has been riding the coat tails of the debilitating disease for nearly a decade, decided to come clean now that he feels people have gotten over the shock. “It’s just not helping my career as much as it used to, and now that stem cell research is getting to be a non political issue, it really sucks to pretend to have Parkinson's.” Said the star as he rocked back in forth in now what is known to be a cocaine come down. Perhaps the greatest victims in Fox’s decade of lies are his immediate family. “I pretty much gave him open access to vagina land” Said his wife, “Now I somehow feel used.” His children also feel the sting of his deception, as they were constantly gilt tricked into watching old episodes of Family Ties. More About: Michael , Hoax
Lucius Malfoy Bathhouse Scandal
2008-04-08 03:49:00 Draco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, World of Harry Potter in turmoil. This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested. The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the Wizard who supports "he who must not be named", was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Although it is v... More About: Scandal
"She's A Triple Threat Said An Excited John McCain
2008-04-08 03:13:00 WASHINGTON - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has said repeatedly she does not "do politics" but her name keeps popping up as a potential running mate for Sen. John McCain, the Republican presidential candidate."She's a black, a girl, and a gay, she's a triple threat." Said John McCain at a recent campaign stop an Arby's in West Virginia. Many Americans are only familiar with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, in context of her modeling work as the black cheerleader in Madden NFL 08. McCain had even vaguer knowledge of her existence, and always assumed her name was just another term that had the same meaning as Montezuma's revenge. Since learning of her existence McCain has become very excited and feels he has found the silver bullet for Clinton or Obama. "And she is a gay to boot" Said a bedazzled McCain. Rice has ... More About: Triple , Threat
Charlton Heston Dies, End Times Feared to Be Upon Us
2008-04-06 11:00:00 Hollywood legend Charlton Heston dead at 84, Many Christians Believe That Israel Will Soon Fall. Prophetic Signs that we are in the End Times Matthew 24:5 "For many will come in my name, saying, I am Christ, and will mislead many." Matthew 24:6 "And you will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars; see that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end." Revelation 9:16 &nb... More About: End Times , Dies
Hillary Clinton Buys Chocolate Shakes for Staff, In Honor of MlK
2008-04-05 04:39:00 Hillary Clinton Buys Chocolate Shakes for Staff, In Honor of MlK. The Clinton's, who plan on having dinner with their "Black" friends tonight, always go all out to celebrate Martin Luther King's Death. Bill Clinton spent the day filling up an MLK Pinata, while watching some of his favorite scenes of "Black Dicks in White Chicks Part 4." "Its just another day we re I can show how much I love minorities" Bill said to his real black friends at an event in a super 8 hotel in East L.A. Bill then cranked up the juice on his new Will Smith rap c.d. "Parents just don't understand". The former president had some very harsh words to say about Bill Richardson. "That Mexican Judas should be careful on a day like today, he is a disgrace to Beaners everywhere". Clinton finally collapsed into the beautiful slumber that comes after a three day cocaine orgy. More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
New Mel Gibson Movie Offends!
2008-04-04 07:26:00 CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE III Mel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one." Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids. However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias suggest that a scene depicting "Big Momma's" trip to a restaurant has anti-Semitic dialog, wh... More About: Movie
David Bowie gets into the Cat Food Business
2008-04-04 07:19:00 If your cat is Bisexual, and all cats are Bisexual, then it will love David Bowie Cat food mix. MEOW David Bowie cat food mix will hit the market next month with a huge campaign staring Bowie himself in the commercials. Each piece of David Bowie cat food mix is individually made by David Bowie himself, in his cat shack that he has built in a secret location on his estate. Bowie Cat mix comes in so many flavors. Salmon, Ocean Tuna, beef gibbets, real cat flesh, and white tuna. David Bowie does not just endorse David Bowie cat food mix, he also lives on it in his strict new diet. If your store worker does not carry David Bowie Cat food mix, tell him he should. Tell him it is good. More About: Business , Food
Hollywood Star and Barack Obama Supporter Arrested for Lewd Behavior.
2008-04-03 00:12:00 Star from Harry and the Hendersons Arrested for Lewd Behavior . Harry, who supports Barack Obama may become another scandal for the Obama camp. Harry who has been openly gay for years, just had his George Michael moment. A devastated Chewbacca was seen leaving the couples home Malibu late this afternoon. Harry was busted in a bathroom at the Los Angeles Hilton. The undercover officer, described Harry's behavior as overly aggressive, and suggestive. "The Suspect spent a long time in the stall talking about his elephant like member very loudly, he said come get what Misses Henderson couldn't have. I do have to admit his erection was very impressive," the officer was quoted. For Obama the scandel could have come at a worse time, Harry has held many Hollywood fund raisers for the Senator, who could not be reached for comment. The Hillary camp was quick to point out that they do not and would not have a...
Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign"
2008-04-02 18:17:00 Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign " Stupid white women everywhere go gaga over new Hillary slogan."I Have a Vagina, and I am proud of it""It is time to show some respect to vagina's in this country," Hillary told a captivated audience of people over 80 who are too racist to ever vote for a black man. It's time for the government to subsidize the price of tampons, at my last town hall meeting a single mother reached out and grabbed my hand, she told me that she has been using the same tampon since 1997. This is wrong." Hillary then did what only Maddona does with a American flag between the legs. "And I don't know about you girls, but I am sick of that nasty smell down there, it is time for the government to step in and work for real solutions of vagina oder, this is not something we can just hope will go away. "As you know my opponent does not have a vagina, we can not take a risk on this issue w... More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Al Gore Kills A Polar Bear to Stress Global Warming Importance
2008-04-02 17:50:00 A Furious Al Gore Kills A Polar Bear to Stress Global Warming Importance. "If we can get 10,000 students to kill Polar Bears on Earth Day, then we can put them on the endangered species list, and force people to respect the most important problem ever, GLOBAL WARMING!" Said a very angry Al Gore to a group of inner city middle school children in Washington D.C." "We are all going to die very soon"Gore who has said before that he hates global warming more then Hitler hated Jewish people, went on a tirade after a student asked a question about school violence. "Stop killing each other and kill polar bears," screamed Gore, "You won't have to worry about school violence when the earths water becomes like hot lava and your face melts off while your trying to make out with your gender optional teen partner! We are all going to die, very soon, we need to start now or in a few weeks death will come and burn us all in a...
Hillary Clinton, Meets Secretly With Destro,
2008-04-02 17:07:00 These are the desperate hours for the Clinton campaign, as yesterday she met secretly with weapons specialist and international terrorist Destro. Like Adolf Hitler in last days of the third reich, Hillary Clinton and her staff have become increasingly desperate and delusional. Many staffers have simply abandoned the cause. One disillusioned former staffer, who would not be named for this story, has found the only way he can make a living in the aftermath, is by catching rattlesnakes in the desert and trying to sell them to pet stores. "I am just not fit for any other kind of work mister," the staffer tried to explain to mall security.Hillary herself, has broken the stated conditions of her parole, by again writing erotic fan mail to Dolly Parton. But perhaps the most disturbing development is her new efforts to reach out to Destro. In the 80's it was well documented that Destro sold and made weapons for the the int...
Star Wars C-3PO finally comes out of the closet
2008-04-02 17:03:00 In the biggest coming out surprise since Nathen Lane, Star Wars Droid, C-3po admits to being gay and is now living with his lover Bicentennial man. 3po also plans on writing a tell all bio in which he reveals all the straight Star Wars characters he had sex with"Well, let me tell you one thing, Han did not always like it Solo, he sometimes needed a little Droid drool, if you know what I mean," said the very caddy C-3PO. In C-3PO's tell all bio "Into the Golden Rain", Han Solo is not the only one who gets the golden rod, according to the Droid many of the almost all male Star Wars universe needed a little lovn. "I won't say any more about the book, but believe me, Chewbacca, oh yeah it's big." 3po said with a knowing grin. C-3PO and Bicentennial man live in a trendy part of London, and spend their days shopping and signing autographs for the occasional fan. The book is just a chapter in C-3PO's life that was recently on hold due to depr... More About: Finally , Closet
Barack Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-04-02 16:59:00 "I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine. "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff. The Pope went on to talk about many issues but had very kind words for Obama . "I see Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barack ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barack an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life." More About: Barack Obama , Words
McCain Just Can't Win
2008-04-02 16:55:00 McDonald's gets his order wrong "I am not lovn it!Things just can't go right for Republican nominee John McCain. From rumors of affairs to the new disappointing season of "Prison Break" it has been a bad last couple weeks for the Senator. Things came to head late last ni...
Chelsea Clinton, Hot?
2008-03-28 12:30:00 Hillary camp tries to create more voter confusion by releasing hot pictures of Chelsea to the press. Hillary Clinton 's "kitchen sink" strategy marches on as hot pictures of Chelsea were released to the press late last night. This is the Chelsea we are used to. Many children were forced to stay home from school today while trying to deal with the conflicting mental images. Bill Clinton said Chelsea could easily get a job at "Hooters" if she wanted. Obama's camp could not be reached for comment. More About: Chelsea Clinton
John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate
More articles from this author:2008-03-28 12:01:00 John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate . "He reminds me of me when I was young and hip," John McCain shocked the political world today by picking Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been quoting the Christopher Walken monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war. More About: John 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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