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Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use
2008-04-08 04:11:00 Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use. "Yeah last night I was snorting cocaine off Tara Reids thighs." Obama told a cleary aroused Katie Couric. "Look" Barack Continued, "I did regret my drug use as a youth, I regretted that I didn't have enough money to party like I need to. You how cocaine is Katie, it runs out, I don't have that problem any more.""And listen up white people I not a muslum, I'm Malcolm fucking X, I'm outside your high school recruiting your daughters to be in my rap videos, Katie either change those panties or take them off, because that river running under your chair could provide water for all my brothers in Africa." At this... More About: Barack Obama , Barack , Drug Use
Michael J Fox admits to Parkinson's hoax.
2008-04-08 04:00:00 Michael J Fox admits to Parkinson's hoax. “I don’t have Parkinson's disease,” said the star of Doc Hollywood and, The Hard Way. “I just do to much cocaine, and I really wanted to get off that shitty show Spin City. Fox who has been riding the coat tails of the debilitating disease for nearly a decade, decided to come clean now that he feels people have gotten over the shock. “It’s just not helping my career as much as it used to, and now that stem cell research is getting to be a non political issue, it really sucks to pretend to have Parkinson's.” Said the star as he rocked back in forth in now what is known to be a cocaine come down. Perhaps the greatest victims in Fox’s decade of lies are his immediate family. “I pretty much gave him open access to vagina land” Said his wife, “Now I somehow feel used.” His children also feel the sting of his deception, as they were constantly gilt tricked into watching old episodes of Family Ties. More About: Michael , Hoax
Lucius Malfoy Bathhouse Scandal
2008-04-08 03:49:00 Draco's father arrested in raid of muggle bathhouse, World of Harry Potter in turmoil. This is not the first time that reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has been caught in a compromising situation. He was among the many patrons in the audience of the Florida porn theater when Muggle sex offender Paul Rubins was arrested. The Muggle bath house in London is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. Malfoy who again and again has spoken of his hatred of Muggles and half-bloods had no explanation for his being there, but it was reported that the Wizard who supports "he who must not be named", was disrobed when the police made the raid. Malfoy was able to successfully erase the memories of all the Muggles involved, but was not able to retrieve his cape from a very dramatic young Muggle man who insisted that the garment belonged to his lover. Malfoy will be charged with the misdemeanor, Mistreatment of Muggles. Although it is v... More About: Scandal
"She's A Triple Threat Said An Excited John McCain
2008-04-08 03:13:00 WASHINGTON - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has said repeatedly she does not "do politics" but her name keeps popping up as a potential running mate for Sen. John McCain, the Republican presidential candidate."She's a black, a girl, and a gay, she's a triple threat." Said John McCain at a recent campaign stop an Arby's in West Virginia. Many Americans are only familiar with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, in context of her modeling work as the black cheerleader in Madden NFL 08. McCain had even vaguer knowledge of her existence, and always assumed her name was just another term that had the same meaning as Montezuma's revenge. Since learning of her existence McCain has become very excited and feels he has found the silver bullet for Clinton or Obama. "And she is a gay to boot" Said a bedazzled McCain. Rice has ... More About: Triple , Threat
Charlton Heston Dies, End Times Feared to Be Upon Us
2008-04-06 11:00:00 Hollywood legend Charlton Heston dead at 84, Many Christians Believe That Israel Will Soon Fall. Prophetic Signs that we are in the End Times Matthew 24:5 "For many will come in my name, saying, I am Christ, and will mislead many." Matthew 24:6 "And you will be hearing of wars and rumors of wars; see that you are not frightened, for those things must take place, but that is not yet the end." Revelation 9:16 &nb... More About: End Times , Dies
Hillary Clinton Buys Chocolate Shakes for Staff, In Honor of MlK
2008-04-05 04:39:00 Hillary Clinton Buys Chocolate Shakes for Staff, In Honor of MlK. The Clinton's, who plan on having dinner with their "Black" friends tonight, always go all out to celebrate Martin Luther King's Death. Bill Clinton spent the day filling up an MLK Pinata, while watching some of his favorite scenes of "Black Dicks in White Chicks Part 4." "Its just another day we re I can show how much I love minorities" Bill said to his real black friends at an event in a super 8 hotel in East L.A. Bill then cranked up the juice on his new Will Smith rap c.d. "Parents just don't understand". The former president had some very harsh words to say about Bill Richardson. "That Mexican Judas should be careful on a day like today, he is a disgrace to Beaners everywhere". Clinton finally collapsed into the beautiful slumber that comes after a three day cocaine orgy. More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
New Mel Gibson Movie Offends!
2008-04-04 07:26:00 CONTROVERSIAL DIRECTOR TO HEAD LONG AWAITED BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE III Mel Gibson has started production on the mother of all trilogies. The star of "What Women Want" states this will be the most important project since his culturally diverse Lethal Weapon 4. Which Gibson himself sees as a hard act to follow, stating, "Ya know that LW4, ain't no crow to stone...I acted with both blacks and Chinese in that one." Unlike the first 2 installments of Big Momma's House the stars of this latest edition including franchise name Martin Lawrence will be facing ground breaking challenges during production. "The entire film" Gibson insists, "will be shot in ancient Ebonics" and the director hasn't decided whether or not to include subtitles for suburban white kids. However, in classic Gibson form, the script has already gathered some criticism from concerned Rabbias throughout the nation. The Rabbias suggest that a scene depicting "Big Momma's" trip to a restaurant has anti-Semitic dialog, wh... More About: Movie
David Bowie gets into the Cat Food Business
2008-04-04 07:19:00 If your cat is Bisexual, and all cats are Bisexual, then it will love David Bowie Cat food mix. MEOW David Bowie cat food mix will hit the market next month with a huge campaign staring Bowie himself in the commercials. Each piece of David Bowie cat food mix is individually made by David Bowie himself, in his cat shack that he has built in a secret location on his estate. Bowie Cat mix comes in so many flavors. Salmon, Ocean Tuna, beef gibbets, real cat flesh, and white tuna. David Bowie does not just endorse David Bowie cat food mix, he also lives on it in his strict new diet. If your store worker does not carry David Bowie Cat food mix, tell him he should. Tell him it is good. More About: Business , Food
Hollywood Star and Barack Obama Supporter Arrested for Lewd Behavior.
2008-04-03 00:12:00 Star from Harry and the Hendersons Arrested for Lewd Behavior . Harry, who supports Barack Obama may become another scandal for the Obama camp. Harry who has been openly gay for years, just had his George Michael moment. A devastated Chewbacca was seen leaving the couples home Malibu late this afternoon. Harry was busted in a bathroom at the Los Angeles Hilton. The undercover officer, described Harry's behavior as overly aggressive, and suggestive. "The Suspect spent a long time in the stall talking about his elephant like member very loudly, he said come get what Misses Henderson couldn't have. I do have to admit his erection was very impressive," the officer was quoted. For Obama the scandel could have come at a worse time, Harry has held many Hollywood fund raisers for the Senator, who could not be reached for comment. The Hillary camp was quick to point out that they do not and would not have a...
Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign"
2008-04-02 18:17:00 Hillary Clinton Unveils "No Vagina Left Behind Campaign " Stupid white women everywhere go gaga over new Hillary slogan."I Have a Vagina, and I am proud of it""It is time to show some respect to vagina's in this country," Hillary told a captivated audience of people over 80 who are too racist to ever vote for a black man. It's time for the government to subsidize the price of tampons, at my last town hall meeting a single mother reached out and grabbed my hand, she told me that she has been using the same tampon since 1997. This is wrong." Hillary then did what only Maddona does with a American flag between the legs. "And I don't know about you girls, but I am sick of that nasty smell down there, it is time for the government to step in and work for real solutions of vagina oder, this is not something we can just hope will go away. "As you know my opponent does not have a vagina, we can not take a risk on this issue w... More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Al Gore Kills A Polar Bear to Stress Global Warming Importance
2008-04-02 17:50:00 A Furious Al Gore Kills A Polar Bear to Stress Global Warming Importance. "If we can get 10,000 students to kill Polar Bears on Earth Day, then we can put them on the endangered species list, and force people to respect the most important problem ever, GLOBAL WARMING!" Said a very angry Al Gore to a group of inner city middle school children in Washington D.C." "We are all going to die very soon"Gore who has said before that he hates global warming more then Hitler hated Jewish people, went on a tirade after a student asked a question about school violence. "Stop killing each other and kill polar bears," screamed Gore, "You won't have to worry about school violence when the earths water becomes like hot lava and your face melts off while your trying to make out with your gender optional teen partner! We are all going to die, very soon, we need to start now or in a few weeks death will come and burn us all in a...
Hillary Clinton, Meets Secretly With Destro,
2008-04-02 17:07:00 These are the desperate hours for the Clinton campaign, as yesterday she met secretly with weapons specialist and international terrorist Destro. Like Adolf Hitler in last days of the third reich, Hillary Clinton and her staff have become increasingly desperate and delusional. Many staffers have simply abandoned the cause. One disillusioned former staffer, who would not be named for this story, has found the only way he can make a living in the aftermath, is by catching rattlesnakes in the desert and trying to sell them to pet stores. "I am just not fit for any other kind of work mister," the staffer tried to explain to mall security.Hillary herself, has broken the stated conditions of her parole, by again writing erotic fan mail to Dolly Parton. But perhaps the most disturbing development is her new efforts to reach out to Destro. In the 80's it was well documented that Destro sold and made weapons for the the int...
Star Wars C-3PO finally comes out of the closet
2008-04-02 17:03:00 In the biggest coming out surprise since Nathen Lane, Star Wars Droid, C-3po admits to being gay and is now living with his lover Bicentennial man. 3po also plans on writing a tell all bio in which he reveals all the straight Star Wars characters he had sex with"Well, let me tell you one thing, Han did not always like it Solo, he sometimes needed a little Droid drool, if you know what I mean," said the very caddy C-3PO. In C-3PO's tell all bio "Into the Golden Rain", Han Solo is not the only one who gets the golden rod, according to the Droid many of the almost all male Star Wars universe needed a little lovn. "I won't say any more about the book, but believe me, Chewbacca, oh yeah it's big." 3po said with a knowing grin. C-3PO and Bicentennial man live in a trendy part of London, and spend their days shopping and signing autographs for the occasional fan. The book is just a chapter in C-3PO's life that was recently on hold due to depr... More About: Finally , Closet
Barack Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-04-02 16:59:00 "I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine. "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff. The Pope went on to talk about many issues but had very kind words for Obama . "I see Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barack ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barack an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life." More About: Barack Obama , Words
McCain Just Can't Win
2008-04-02 16:55:00 McDonald's gets his order wrong "I am not lovn it!Things just can't go right for Republican nominee John McCain. From rumors of affairs to the new disappointing season of "Prison Break" it has been a bad last couple weeks for the Senator. Things came to head late last ni...
Chelsea Clinton, Hot?
2008-03-28 12:30:00 Hillary camp tries to create more voter confusion by releasing hot pictures of Chelsea to the press. Hillary Clinton 's "kitchen sink" strategy marches on as hot pictures of Chelsea were released to the press late last night. This is the Chelsea we are used to. Many children were forced to stay home from school today while trying to deal with the conflicting mental images. Bill Clinton said Chelsea could easily get a job at "Hooters" if she wanted. Obama's camp could not be reached for comment. More About: Chelsea Clinton
John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate
2008-03-28 12:01:00 John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate . "He reminds me of me when I was young and hip," John McCain shocked the political world today by picking Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been quoting the Christopher Walken monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war. More About: John
Al Roker Goes Nuts After Seeing Preview For Sisterhood of The Traveling Pan
2008-03-28 11:11:00 Al Roker Goes Nuts After Seeing Preview For Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants 2! "Release Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants part 2 immediately, or by god I will hunt down Hannah Montana and impregnate her." Al Roker demanded in his new today show segment, "Teens I would like to impregnate". Al Roker who now only calls himself "The Weatherman", was visibly angry about the fact that the sequel to one of his favorite movies will not come out till later in the summer. "This is worse then the part in Spider man 3, when Mary Jane and Peter Parker broke up, and then she was gonna try to date another guy. I almost had to leave the theater at that part!" Roker then pulled out a picture of Hannah Montana and ripped it up. "That was for you Alexis" Roker said before NBC was forced to go to commercial. More About: Al Roker
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-03-28 10:49:00 I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend. Gore did not specify which Super delegates are considered the most Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them. Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice. Gore, who has been focusing on trying to keep his neck fat from taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions. This year he has had mixed success from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out until Obama... More About: Al Gore , Lead , The Super
McCain Just Can't Win
2008-03-18 08:28:00 McDonald's gets his order wrong "I am not lovn it!Things just can't go right for Republican nominee John McCain. From rumors of affairs to the new disappointing season of "Prison Break" it has been a bad last couple weeks for the Senator. Things came to head late last ni...
Hillary Clinton Will Just Not Go Away
2008-03-18 08:24:00 Like that genital wart that you shave off in a scolding hot shower, Hillary Clinton will just not go away."I wish she would take a cue from Heath Ledger, and get out of all of our faces" Said Senator John Kerry.Many in the Democratic party would just like to see Hillary drop out of the race so Obama can get to the business of kicking John McCain's ass. But Hillary does not seem to get it. Despite the fact that Clinton can not possibly surpass Obama in both popular vote and earned delegates, Hillary hopes to make the case that she should be the nominee. Hillary gets her inspiration from her favorite Dolly Parton movie "Straight Talk". "Sometimes you just gotta honk your own horn," Hillary said in her victory speech.
Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use
2008-03-18 08:17:00 Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug UseBarack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use . "Yeah last night I was snorting cocaine off Tara Reids thighs." Obama told a cleary aroused Katie Couric. "Look" Barack Continued, "I did regret my drug use as a youth, I regretted that I didn't have enough money to party like I need to. You how cocaine is Katie, it runs out, I don't have that problem any more.""And listen up white people I not a muslum, I'm Malcolm fucking X, I'm outside your high school recruiting your daughters to be in my rap videos, Katie either change those panties or take them off, because that river running under your chair could provide water for all my brothers in Africa." At this point Kat... More About: Barack Obama , Barack
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-03-18 08:12:00 I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend. Gore did not specify which Super delegates are considered the most Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them. Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice. Gore, who has been focusing on trying to keep his neck fat from taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions. This year he has had mixed success from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out until Obama... More About: Al Gore , Lead , The Super
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-03-06 20:35:00 I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend. Gore did not specify which Super delegates are considered the most Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them. Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice. Gore, who has been focusing on trying to keep his neck fat from taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions. This year he has had mixed success from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out until Obama... More About: Al Gore , Lead , The Super
Hillary Clinton Wins Ohio, And She Will Just Not Go Away
2008-03-05 06:58:00 Like that genital wart that you shave off in a scolding hot shower, Hillary Clinton will just not go away."I wish she would take a cue from Heath Ledger, and get out of all of our faces" Said Senator John Kerry.Many in the Democratic party would just like to see Hillary drop out of the race so Obama can get to the business of kicking John McCain's ass. But Hillary does not seem to get it. Despite the fact that Clinton can not possibly surpass Obama in both popular vote and earned delegates, Hillary hopes to make the case that she should be the nominee. Hillary gets her inspiration from her favorite Dolly Parton movie "Straight Talk". "Sometimes you just gotta honk your own horn," Hillary said in her victory speech. More About: Ohio , Wins
Hillary Clinton Wins Ohio, And She Will Just Not Go Away
2008-03-05 06:58:00 Like that genital wart that you shave off in a scolding hot shower, Hillary Clinton will just not go away."I wish she would take a cue from Heath Ledger, and get out of all of our faces" Said Senator John Kerry.Many in the Democratic party would just like to see Hillary drop out of the race so Obama can get to the business of kicking John McCain's ass. But Hillary does not seem to get it. Despite the fact that Clinton can not possibly surpass Obama in both popular vote and earned delegates, Hillary hopes to make the case that she should be the nominee. Hillary gets her inspiration from her favorite Dolly Parton movie "Straight Talk". "Sometimes you just gotta honk your own horn," Hillary said in her victory speech. More About: Ohio , Wins
MCcain Wins Republican Nomination, Denounces Corbra And Destro
2008-03-05 06:22:00 Cobra and Destro are emerging as the new threat in the world, and as President, I will not wait for them to strike first." Said the victorious Senator MCcain. MCcain beat out Mitt Romney, and Rudy Guilliani, but his strongest words were against weapons specialist Destro. "Destro be warned, there is no save haven in the world for you when I get in the Oval office." MCcain said as he simultaneously shaved his whiskers with his Vietnam Bowie knife. republican nomination MCcain, then in an almost gleeful tone, seemed to taunt conservatives in the Republican party by honoring the gay GI Joe members who lost there lives to aids in the 80's. "It's time for America to honor all of her heroes, not just the ones who put there dicks in vagina's. Duke, Snake Eyes, Sergeant Slaughter, Gong Ho, and any other gay Joe's who have lost there lives, to the aids epidemic deserve our respect and admiration. They are great American... More About: Nomination , Wins
MCcain Wins Republican Nomination, Denounces Corbra And Destro
2008-03-05 06:22:00 Cobra and Destro are emerging as the new threat in the world, and as President, I will not wait for them to strike first." Said the victorious Senator MCcain. MCcain beat out Mitt Romney, and Rudy Guilliani, but his strongest words were against weapons specialist Destro. "Destro be warned, there is no save haven in the world for you when I get in the Oval office." MCcain said as he simultaneously shaved his whiskers with his Vietnam Bowie knife. republican nomination MCcain, then in an almost gleeful tone, seemed to taunt conservatives in the Republican party by honoring the gay GI Joe members who lost there lives to aids in the 80's. "It's time for America to honor all of her heroes, not just the ones who put there dicks in vagina's. Duke, Snake Eyes, Sergeant Slaughter, Gong Ho, and any other gay Joe's who have lost there lives, to the aids epidemic deserve our respect and admiration. They are great American... More About: Nomination , Wins
Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning
2008-02-28 22:26:00 Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning . Whoever denies supplies it? Clinton covers up fart but she can not cover up the face of the innocent boy behind her. Like the little boy in the tree, in the story of the emperor and his new clothes, there was only one to speak to truth as Hillary let go of something she has been holding onto since Iowa. The Clinton camp was quick to silence then noise and attempted to attribute the smell to global warming. Al Gore would not comment. More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning
More articles from this author:2008-02-28 22:26:00 Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning . Whoever denies supplies it? Clinton covers up fart but she can not cover up the face of the innocent boy behind her. Like the little boy in the tree, in the story of the emperor and his new clothes, there was only one to speak to truth as Hillary let go of something she has been holding onto since Iowa. The Clinton camp was quick to silence then noise and attempted to attribute the smell to global warming. Al Gore would not comment. More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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