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BLACK DOG PRESS

BLACK DOG PRESS
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Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Articles

Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use
2008-02-28 18:55:00
Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use. "Yeah last night I was snorting cocaine off Tara Reids thighs." Obama told a cleary aroused Katie Couric.                                                                "Look" Barack  Continued, "I did regret my drug use as a youth, I regretted that I didn't have enough money  to party like I need to. You how cocaine is Katie, it runs out, I don't have that problem any more.""And listen up white people I not a muslum, I'm Malcolm fucking X, I'm outside your high school recruiting your daughters to be in my rap videos, Katie either change those panties or take them off, because that river running under your chair could provide water for all my brothers in Africa." At thi...
More About: Barack Obama , Barack , Drug Use
Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use
2008-02-28 18:55:00
Barack Obama Confident, Talks Candidly About Drug Use. "Yeah last night I was snorting cocaine off Tara Reids thighs." Obama told a cleary aroused Katie Couric.                                                                "Look" Barack  Continued, "I did regret my drug use as a youth, I regretted that I didn't have enough money  to party like I need to. You how cocaine is Katie, it runs out, I don't have that problem any more.""And listen up white people I not a muslum, I'm Malcolm fucking X, I'm outside your high school recruiting your daughters to be in my rap videos, Katie either change those panties or take them off, because that river running under your chair could provide water for all my brothers in Africa." At thi...
More About: Barack Obama , Barack , Drug Use
Steven Spielberg 'there Will Be No Hook 2"
2008-02-28 00:27:00
Hundreds of people around the country were devastated today by the news from Holly Wood. There will be no sequel to the 1989 smash hit Hook . It has been nearly 20 years since the dream pairing of Robin William's and Dustin Hoffman in the epic Hook. "Hook changed how movies were made" Said Francis Ford Coppala, "you see before Hook many british actors had played jewish people, but never before did a Jewish actor play a british person. Perhaps the hardest hit by all this sadness is local Subway shop sandwich artist Robert Parker. Parker is currently in an on going law suit with Subway. Mr. Parker contends that dressing up like Dustin Hoffman from Hook is his sexual identity, his employers see it differently. Robert was hoping that the sequel would reveal intimate detail in the love life of Hook, finally proving that dressing as a 17th century pirate indeed is a gender.
More About: Steven Spielberg , Steven , Spielberg
Steven Spielberg 'there Will Be No Hook 2"
2008-02-28 00:27:00
Hundreds of people around the country were devastated today by the news from Holly Wood. There will be no sequel to the 1989 smash hit Hook . It has been nearly 20 years since the dream pairing of Robin William's and Dustin Hoffman in the epic Hook. "Hook changed how movies were made" Said Francis Ford Coppala, "you see before Hook many british actors had played jewish people, but never before did a Jewish actor play a british person. Perhaps the hardest hit by all this sadness is local Subway shop sandwich artist Robert Parker. Parker is currently in an on going law suit with Subway. Mr. Parker contends that dressing up like Dustin Hoffman from Hook is his sexual identity, his employers see it differently. Robert was hoping that the sequel would reveal intimate detail in the love life of Hook, finally proving that dressing as a 17th century pirate indeed is a gender.
More About: Steven Spielberg , Steven , Spielberg
McCain Just Can't Win
2008-02-27 20:20:00
McCain famous temper comes out after  McDonald's gets his order wrong                                                                                                                                                                 "I am not lovn it!"                          Things just can't go right for Republican nominee John McCain. From rumors of af...
McCain Just Can't Win
2008-02-27 20:20:00
McCain famous temper comes out after  McDonald's gets his order wrong                                                                                                                                                                 "I am not lovn it!"                          Things just can't go right for Republican nominee John McCain. From rumors of af...
Easter Lost
2008-02-27 16:05:00
Approximately 2000 years ago St. Stephen became the first man in history to die for his belief in Jesus Christ. Among the many observing his brutal death by stoning was the Pharisee Saul, who according to the Acts of the Apostles looked on and, ???entirely approved of the killing.??? Not terribly long after this martyrdom, as the bible tells us, Saul made his spectacular conversion to Christianity forever imprinting his image on the world as St. Paul. It is a fitting story of redemption for this recent Easter Season. As the holiest day in the Christian calendar passed preachers all over the world were given the opportunity to address larger, and perhaps more attentive audiences. Many would recall the hope of the resurrection and deplore the continual allowance of injustice in the world. Even Pope Benedict XVI simultaneously called people to hope for new life in Christ while denouncing the violence permitted throughout the world: particularly in Darfur and Iraq. However, as the man...
More About: Lost
Easter Lost
2008-02-27 16:05:00
Approximately 2000 years ago St. Stephen became the first man in history to die for his belief in Jesus Christ. Among the many observing his brutal death by stoning was the Pharisee Saul, who according to the Acts of the Apostles looked on and, “entirely approved of the killing.” Not terribly long after this martyrdom, as the bible tells us, Saul made his spectacular conversion to Christianity forever imprinting his image on the world as St. Paul. It is a fitting story of redemption for this recent Easter Season. As the holiest day in the Christian calendar passed preachers all over the world were given the opportunity to address larger, and perhaps more attentive audiences. Many would recall the hope of the resurrection and deplore the continual allowance of injustice in the world. Even Pope Benedict XVI simultaneously called people to hope for new life in Christ while denouncing the violence permitted throughout the world: particularly in Darfur and Iraq. However, as the man...
More About: Lost
THE CATHOLIC FACTOR
2008-02-27 15:57:00
ENTER THE SPIN ZONE: O'Reilly plagiarizes Pope's book so he can denounce the Catholic Church! (And such a nice boy too!!) (For those of you that JUST DON'T GET IT, are confused, and perhaps don't care about this article, please direct your attention to our Talking Points memo post...Especially you Catholics who seem so very passive in this our "Culture War")Recently Bill O???Reilly announced that his book, Culture Warrior, had entered its tenth printing, putting it on pace to sell over 1,200,000 copies. With this tremendous success in the conservative market place, it is difficult to imagine that bound within its pages is found anti-Catholic plagiarism. Yet, such is the case with this self-proclaimed Catholic???s guide to life for all traditional people. The sad truth is that the ???no-spin??? champion of conservative values has committed a text book case of plagiarism. It may be worth informing Mr. O???Reilly that any work that uses, quotes, or paraphrases another ...
More About: Factor
THE CATHOLIC FACTOR
2008-02-27 15:57:00
ENTER THE SPIN ZONE: O'Reilly plagiarizes Pope's book so he can denounce the Catholic Church! (And such a nice boy too!!) (For those of you that JUST DON'T GET IT, are confused, and perhaps don't care about this article, please direct your attention to our Talking Points memo post...Especially you Catholics who seem so very passive in this our "Culture War")Recently Bill O’Reilly announced that his book, Culture Warrior, had entered its tenth printing, putting it on pace to sell over 1,200,000 copies. With this tremendous success in the conservative market place, it is difficult to imagine that bound within its pages is found anti-Catholic plagiarism. Yet, such is the case with this self-proclaimed Catholic’s guide to life for all traditional people. The sad truth is that the “no-spin” champion of conservative values has committed a text book case of plagiarism. It may be worth informing Mr. O’Reilly that any work that uses, quotes, or paraphrases another ...
More About: Factor
Gary Busey Supports Cheney for President
2008-02-27 13:43:00
  CHENEY '08 GETS THE BUSEY BOOSTMomentum for the draft Cheney '08 movement picked up some serious celebrity clout when actor, and war enthusiast, Gary Busey became the self-proclaimed Cheney campaign "Secretary General". Yesterday Busey brought his message to a family restaurant in Los Angelos ("Bob's Big Boy") for what appears to have been an unannounced campaign stop. The star of such films as, "Hider in the House" and "The Buddie Holly Story", rolled into the parking lot in what witnesses described as: an out of date school bus painted in psychedelic colors. "This is it baby! You can't stop the bear from growling!", Busey yelled to a crowd of confused restaurant patrons as he did a summer-salt from a bus window. The rally took off after Busey had collected all the abandoned cigarette butts he could find on the ground and ran back to the bus with a can of paint. "Hey McCain!" Busey began as a crowd of curiou...
More About: President
Gary Busey Supports Cheney for President
2008-02-27 13:43:00
  CHENEY '08 GETS THE BUSEY BOOSTMomentum for the draft Cheney '08 movement picked up some serious celebrity clout when actor, and war enthusiast, Gary Busey became the self-proclaimed Cheney campaign "Secretary General". Yesterday Busey brought his message to a family restaurant in Los Angelos ("Bob's Big Boy") for what appears to have been an unannounced campaign stop. The star of such films as, "Hider in the House" and "The Buddie Holly Story", rolled into the parking lot in what witnesses described as: an out of date school bus painted in psychedelic colors. "This is it baby! You can't stop the bear from growling!", Busey yelled to a crowd of confused restaurant patrons as he did a summer-salt from a bus window. The rally took off after Busey had collected all the abandoned cigarette butts he could find on the ground and ran back to the bus with a can of paint. "Hey McCain!" Busey began as a crowd of curiou...
More About: President
Barack Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-02-27 13:27:00
"I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine.      "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff.                         The Pope went  on  to talk about many  issues  but  had very kind words for  Obama .  "I see  Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barack ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barack an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life."    
More About: Barack Obama , Words
Barack Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-02-27 13:27:00
"I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine.      "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff.                         The Pope went  on  to talk about many  issues  but  had very kind words for  Obama .  "I see  Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barack ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barack an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life."    
More About: Barack Obama , Words
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Gets Hipanics In An Upr
2008-02-27 13:21:00
Hispanics Protest Over New Indiana Jones Movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Has George Lucas Finally Gone Too Far?to Far?George Lucas has made a career of cashing in on racial stereotypes, from the British gay man C-3PO, to the generic-Asian homosexual boy, Short Round (Temple of Doom), Lucas has run the gambit of racially offensive characters. But Lucas may have gone too far with his latest character in the new Indiana Jones movie. Alfredo Menendez Gonzalez is a hard drinking, 15 hour a day working, tequila loving, daughter raping, wacky and Mexican, that helps Indy and serves as comic relief. Lucas got the idea for the character while he was watching his gardeners on the Lucas ranch. "I saw my gardeners eating apricots from a tree on my land and was very angry. But when I went to confront them they did something, they made me laugh. In their backwards unintelligent way they inspired a new character for the new Indiana Jones film." Said a very subd...
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Gets Hipanics In An Upr
2008-02-27 13:21:00
Hispanics Protest Over New Indiana Jones Movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Has George Lucas Finally Gone Too Far?to Far?George Lucas has made a career of cashing in on racial stereotypes, from the British gay man C-3PO, to the generic-Asian homosexual boy, Short Round (Temple of Doom), Lucas has run the gambit of racially offensive characters. But Lucas may have gone too far with his latest character in the new Indiana Jones movie. Alfredo Menendez Gonzalez is a hard drinking, 15 hour a day working, tequila loving, daughter raping, wacky and Mexican, that helps Indy and serves as comic relief. Lucas got the idea for the character while he was watching his gardeners on the Lucas ranch. "I saw my gardeners eating apricots from a tree on my land and was very angry. But when I went to confront them they did something, they made me laugh. In their backwards unintelligent way they inspired a new character for the new Indiana Jones film." Said a very subd...
Ralph Nader Announces Candidacy, Millions Don't Care
2008-02-26 20:04:00
Ralph Nader Announces Candidacy , Millions Don't Care Ralph Nader Unsafe at Any SpeedMan that many Democrats say cost Gore the 2000 election, enters 2008 race.Ralph Nader, who has spent the last 4 years completing  construction  of giant hand gliding wings that he hopes will resemble a giant bird of the prehistoric era, announced on Sunday that he would again run for President. "You see," Nader told ,                                                                                                                                     &nbs...
More About: Ralph Nader
Ralph Nader Announces Candidacy, Millions Don't Care
2008-02-26 20:04:00
Ralph Nader Announces Candidacy , Millions Don't Care Ralph Nader Unsafe at Any SpeedMan that many Democrats say cost Gore the 2000 election, enters 2008 race.Ralph Nader, who has spent the last 4 years completing  construction  of giant hand gliding wings that he hopes will resemble a giant bird of the prehistoric era, announced on Sunday that he would again run for President. "You see," Nader told ,                                                                                                                                     &nbs...
More About: Ralph Nader
Hillary Clinton Truly Hurt by Barack Obama
2008-02-26 19:07:00
Hillary Clinton Truly Hurt by Barack Obama Hillary Clinton was in a cleaning frenzy last night. Like most women, much to husband Bill???s chagrin, Hillary resorts to obsessive housework when unfairly offended. Arriving home after an arduous day of supporting his wife???s presidential campaign, Bill found Hillary stifling hot tears while mopping their kitchen???s already pristine hardwood floors.                                                                                                              ???She tried to pretend she just got some sort of cleaner in her eye,??? Bill told a friend, ???but I kno...
More About: Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton Truly Hurt by Barack Obama
2008-02-26 19:07:00
Hillary Clinton Truly Hurt by Barack Obama Hillary Clinton was in a cleaning frenzy last night. Like most women, much to husband Bill’s chagrin, Hillary resorts to obsessive housework when unfairly offended. Arriving home after an arduous day of supporting his wife’s presidential campaign, Bill found Hillary stifling hot tears while mopping their kitchen’s already pristine hardwood floors.                                                                                                              “She tried to pretend she just got some sort of cleaner in her eye,” Bill told a friend, “but I kno...
More About: Hillary Clinton
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-02-24 10:58:00
"I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend.  Gore did  not specify  which  Super delegates  are considered the most  Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them.     Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice.  Gore, who has been focusing  on trying  to keep his neck fat  from  taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions.  This year  he has had  mixed success  from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out un...
More About: Al Gore , Lead , The Super
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-02-24 10:58:00
"I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend.  Gore did  not specify  which  Super delegates  are considered the most  Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them.     Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice.  Gore, who has been focusing  on trying  to keep his neck fat  from  taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions.  This year  he has had  mixed success  from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tipper will make out un...
More About: Al Gore , Lead , The Super
Hillary Clinton is a Lying Sack of Shit
2008-02-24 09:01:00
Hillary Clinton is a Lying Sack of Shit , and could somebody please do something about her big fat ass?    "Shame on you Barack Obama" Hillary shrieked today like somebody had just dumped 5 gallons of pig blood all over her. At event that they must have been passing out oxycontin pills at the door, Hillary had the Clinton audacity to accuse Obama of nefarious campaign tactics. Political pundits everywhere immediately tagged this as a sad and desperate act of a candidate who can not win. And unless Obama is found passed out and naked with a dead Latino boy, Clinton has no chance. But here at Blackdog we just want to media to recognize how crazy big Hillary's butt is, so without further ado enjoy some Hillary's butt is so big jokes. Hillary's ass is so big that the department of education has asked it to do a public speaking tour of high schools to talk about the dangers of obesity.Hillary's ass is so big that  Kobe Bryant  has  taken the precauti...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Hillary Clinton is a Lying Sack of Shit
2008-02-24 09:01:00
Hillary Clinton is a Lying Sack of Shit , and could somebody please do something about her big fat ass?    "Shame on you Barack Obama" Hillary shrieked today like somebody had just dumped 5 gallons of pig blood all over her. At event that they must have been passing out oxycontin pills at the door, Hillary had the Clinton audacity to accuse Obama of nefarious campaign tactics. Political pundits everywhere immediately tagged this as a sad and desperate act of a candidate who can not win. And unless Obama is found passed out and naked with a dead Latino boy, Clinton has no chance. But here at Blackdog we just want to media to recognize how crazy big Hillary's butt is, so without further ado enjoy some Hillary's butt is so big jokes. Hillary's ass is so big that the department of education has asked it to do a public speaking tour of high schools to talk about the dangers of obesity.Hillary's ass is so big that  Kobe Bryant  has  taken the precauti...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary
Hillary Clinton, Meets Secretly With Destro,
2008-02-24 05:39:00
These are the desperate hours for the Clinton campaign, as yesterday she met secretly with weapons specialist and international terrorist Destro.        Like Adolf Hitler in last days of the third reich, Hillary Clinton and her staff have become increasingly desperate and delusional. Many staffers have simply abandoned the cause. One disillusioned former staffer, who would not be named for this story, has found the only way he can make a living in the aftermath, is by catching rattlesnakes in the desert and trying to sell them to pet stores. "I am just not fit for any other kind of work mister," the staffer tried to explain  to mall security.Hillary herself, has broken the stated conditions of her parole, by again writing erotic fan mail to Dolly Parton. But perhaps the most disturbing development is her new efforts to reach out to Destro. In the 80's it was well documented that Destro sold and made weapons for the the international terrori...
Hillary Clinton, Meets Secretly With Destro,
2008-02-24 05:39:00
These are the desperate hours for the Clinton campaign, as yesterday she met secretly with weapons specialist and international terrorist Destro.        Like Adolf Hitler in last days of the third reich, Hillary Clinton and her staff have become increasingly desperate and delusional. Many staffers have simply abandoned the cause. One disillusioned former staffer, who would not be named for this story, has found the only way he can make a living in the aftermath, is by catching rattlesnakes in the desert and trying to sell them to pet stores. "I am just not fit for any other kind of work mister," the staffer tried to explain  to mall security.Hillary herself, has broken the stated conditions of her parole, by again writing erotic fan mail to Dolly Parton. But perhaps the most disturbing development is her new efforts to reach out to Destro. In the 80's it was well documented that Destro sold and made weapons for the the international terrori...
Bill Clinton Calls Himself The First Latino President While Campaigning In
2008-02-20 07:47:00
"I have lived most of my life like as a Mexican, I am the first Latino President ," Clinton said while campaigning in Texas for his wife.                                                                 Wearing a poncho and sombrero and armed with his new invention, the Doritto Burrito, Former President Bill Clinton continues his downward spiral into disgrace.  "Hey  Hombres," Clinton, yelled to a random group of young Latino's, "Uncle Bill is here with the "Doritto Burrito, and it tastes so good it will make you want vote for my wife." The Hillary Clinton campaign will not comment on the actions of the former President. "The truth is," Bill said to anyone  who would listen,  " Barack  Ombama hates Our ...
More About: Calls
Bill Clinton Calls Himself The First Latino President While Campaigning In
2008-02-20 07:47:00
"I have lived most of my life like as a Mexican, I am the first Latino President ," Clinton said while campaigning in Texas for his wife.                                                                 Wearing a poncho and sombrero and armed with his new invention, the Doritto Burrito, Former President Bill Clinton continues his downward spiral into disgrace.  "Hey  Hombres," Clinton, yelled to a random group of young Latino's, "Uncle Bill is here with the "Doritto Burrito, and it tastes so good it will make you want vote for my wife." The Hillary Clinton campaign will not comment on the actions of the former President. "The truth is," Bill said to anyone  who would listen,  " Barack  Ombama hates Our ...
More About: Calls
Castro Resigns Due To Depression Over Heath Ledger's Death
2008-02-20 05:03:00
Castro Resigns Due To Depression Over Heath Ledger's Death "I knew Heath was special since I first saw him  in  10  Things I Hate About You" Castro said in his address this afternoon.  Like most of us Fidel Castro has been in a major funk since Heath Ledger's death. "Poor Fidel has been in almost constant conversation with Mary Kate Olsen," said Castro's Brother Raul.  Castro has been holed up in his master bedroom with an unending  supply of rum and the movie a "Knights Tale" on repeat. "Just let me be taken to Heaven so I can be with Heath again" Castro was overheard saying to his priest. But maybe that's why God took Heath so soon, as long as we had him on earth there was no need to think about heaven.
More About: Castro
Castro Resigns Due To Depression Over Heath Ledger's Death
2008-02-20 05:03:00
Castro Resigns Due To Depression Over Heath Ledger 's Death "I knew Heath was special since I first saw him  in  10  Things I Hate About You" Castro said in his address this afternoon.  Like most of us Fidel Castro has been in a major funk since Heath Ledger's death. "Poor Fidel has been in almost constant conversation with Mary Kate Olsen," said Castro's Brother Raul.  Castro has been holed up in his master bedroom with an unending  supply of rum and the movie a "Knights Tale" on repeat. "Just let me be taken to Heaven so I can be with Heath again" Castro was overheard saying to his priest. But maybe that's why God took Heath so soon, as long as we had him on earth there was no need to think about heaven.
More About: Castro
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