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Super Tuesday Surprise!
2008-02-05 15:17:00
Picture of Barak Obama and his white girlfriend from college released to press by Clinton Camp.                       Hillary Clinton again has responded with racial politics when faced with a tight contest. On the eve of super Tuesday the Clinton camp has leaked pictures of Obama and a white girlfriend from college. "Well I guess we all know what he will be  up to in the White  House." Said a smug Bill Clinton campaigning in a Louisiana restaurant. No word yet from the Obama camp. 
More About: Super , Super Tuesday

Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning
2008-02-05 11:18:00
Hillary Clinton Denies Fart While Campaigning .  Whoever  denies supplies  it? Clinton covers up fart but she can not cover up the face of the innocent boy behind her. Like the little boy in the tree, in the story of the emperor and his new clothes, there was only one to speak to truth as Hillary let go of something she has been holding onto since Iowa. The Clinton camp was quick to silence then noise  and attempted to attribute the smell to global warming. Al Gore would not comment. 
More About: Hillary Clinton , Hillary

Bill Clinton Meets With Boss Hogg To Fix Southern Vote
2008-02-05 07:24:00
Bill tries to fix Southern Vote for Hillary, but the Duke boys support Obama.Uncle Jesse has gone into hiding  as speculation grows over Boss Hog's and Bill Clinton 's plan to fix the election. But don't worry folks the Duke boys are gonna put on a fire works show at a secret location in support of Barak Obama. Daisy Duke and her friends plan on having a wet T shirt contest in the Bayou for Obama. But watch out Dukes Bubba and Boss Hogg are tricky fellas they might telling people outrageous lies about Obama   

Bush Loves Terminator
2008-02-05 02:41:00
New Fox Show is a hit for the President           "It is some pretty crazy stuff"  The president  said in his weekly address. "At first I thought  Cheney  put some shrooms  in my double vodka  tonic, but then my black friend Clarence Thomas told me the show about killer robots from the future is real" The president said in his weekly  addresses  to the  White House  servants.   "Wow" the president continued, "You see John Conner is the future president of the United States, but then the robots try to come in the future and get him, also they can't be killed, you can shoot them and shoot them, you can run them over with your car, and  still  they try to  kill  John Conner.  But also there is a crazy twist, you see in the future John  Conner  captures  a robot and fools with its head so it becomes less evil, then he se...
More About: Bush , Terminator

Hillary Clinton Creates A New Youth Group Called the Hillary Youth
2008-02-02 22:34:00
Some critics  say that  Hillary 's call  for blood purity, is just another Clinton attempt to inject  race into the  campaign,    "Barak Obama's dad married a white women, can we really trust that  he won't try to do the same sort of thing,"  Hillary was quoted this afternoon.                                  (The Hillary Youth )  "I just want to create a place were young, American girls can feel safe to be themselves and to be proud of their heritage" Hillary said to reporters in West Virginia. "I am sick  of the  dangers  of cocaine, malt liquor , and dice  rolling that these girls  face, also for three  months  in college  Barak Obama  dated a white girl," Hillary quickly added. "vote for him by all means, just don't let your daughter s...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Group

Bill Clinton Breaks Up With The Black Community
2008-02-02 19:25:00
"They had the first, now they want the worst."  Said a tear full Clinton , referring to  his damaged status as the "First Black President" Clinton has returned his leopard skin suit, and his copy of Scarface, to the Black community. A very emotional Clinton remembered how proud  he felt  when people  called  him Black. Psychologist compare Clinton s condition to that of suburban white kids who try to adopt what they think is Black culture, and then end up looking like complete ass-holes. "Bill Clinton is a wigger who has just woken up to the reality that he is really white," said Dr. Barbara Davis, of UCLA.
More About: Community , Breaks

Gays Pull Another Fast One On The Straights
2008-02-02 19:00:00
PORTLAND, Oregon —  A state law allowing gay couples to register as domestic partners belatedly took effect after a federal judge ruled the state's process of disqualifying petition signatures was consistent enough to be valid. Great News for  local couple Harry,  from Harry and the  Hendersons,  and his long time partner Chewbacca.       They first met at a Star Treck convention in 1993, and have been together since. "It's  just so hard to find a guy my size,"  said Chewbacca.  Chewbacca was inspired to come out of the closet by long time friend and gay activist, 3-cpo.  "I used to date girls who didn't know why I was so moody," laughed the mighty Chewbacca.Harry on the other hand has being openly  gay for years. "Oh, honey  I was the little Sasquatch at school who listened to Cher , and hung out with the  girls in the bathroom," said the flamboyant Harry.  &qu...
More About: Gays , Fast , Pull

MCcain Blasted By Conservatives for being a fan of Will and Grace
2008-02-02 09:46:00
"I like good comedies, and sometimes  I'm willing to break with the party to watch them." MCcain said to reporters in Denver.Drug addict talk show host, Rush Limbaugh has lead the conservative anti-MCcain movement from day one. But the admission from the MCcain camp on his admiration of "WIll and Grace ," has only fed the the fire of the far right.  MCcain, who  has a  black daughter,  has been at odds with conservatives for years. Gay comedies are on the top of the list of what conservatives hate about America. Mitt Romney issued a statement hours after after the "Will and Grace" leak, that he preferred, NBC's  Cheers, especially the manly character of Sam Malone. Huckabee was not far behind with a solid but predictable endorsment of "Walker Texas Ranger."   
More About: Conservatives

Mitt Romney drinks soda with caffeine after Florida loss
2008-02-02 09:22:00
Romney pictured getting caffeine high with Mormon prophet Sammy the Polygamist Squirrel, after his devastating loss to John MCcain.In dark corner of a Florida Denny's Mitt Romney with his 5 sons, and their collected 20 wives and 42 children, ordered 3 rounds of diet coke. Witnesses also say that they saw a Juicy Fruit wrapper left on the table after the family left. This is not the first time Romney has broken Mormon law. In 1983 Romney refused to marry 13 year old girl, what then would be a fourth wife, stating that the girl was to old to be properly trained as a good wife. He later married the girl's younger sister. Mormonism, the religion based on the HBO show "Big Love" has had tough year, recently losing worlds craziest religion contest to Scientology. Looks like the Romney campaign will be another blow to wacky Mormons
More About: Drinks , Loss , Soda

Scientology beats out Mormonism and Islam as World's Craziest Religion
2008-02-02 09:17:00
The religion that was started by washed up Science Fiction Writer L Ron Hubbard has finally surpassed it's main rivals Mormonism and Islam as world's craziest religion. The religion owes its new status mostly to Tom Cruise whose recent kidnapping and brainwashing of Katie Holmes really blew away the competition. And yes we can confirm that Tom Cruise is completely gay."I really got to hand it to them." said Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, "They really wanted it more than us this year. I mean I have been trying to get my game up. You know the whole anti-holocaust convention, my determination to destroy Israel, But Oh, Allah! Have you guys seen those crazy Kristie Alley Pier 1 commercials? I had to bring the morality police out to stone to death homosexuals and women, and still I could not beat that Kristie Alley crazy. But don't worry we will be back," finished  Ahmadinejad. The Mormons were not as amused by the healthy competition. "Do you guys really think th...
More About: Religion , Scientology , Beats

New Holocaust Ride to Open At Disney World Iran
2008-02-02 07:09:00
"I like it even better than Mr. Jews Wild Cattle Train Ride ," Said Iran President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The new ride called the roller coaster of lies will open next week in the fantasy land section of Disney World Iran. Disney World Iran has been open for over two years and like Euro Disney has had to make some cultural readjustments to keep attendance up. For example instead of Hall of presidents they have the hall of whores, where park goers can stone real wives that have acted unfaithfully. Also on "Star Tours" 3-cpo is put to death daily for being a homosexual.
More About: Open

Barak Obama Gets Kind Words From The Pope
2008-02-02 06:36:00
"I loved him in "fresh prince of bel air," Said the Pope in an interview with Playboy magazine.      "Hillary Clinton reminds me of Carlton, totally lame!" said the amused Pontiff.                            The Pope went  on  to talk about many  issues  but  had very kind words for  Obama .  "I see  Hillary as a more of Carlton type, not cool like Barak ." Said the Pope. The Pope also has sent Barak an autographed photo of himself in his youthful days. "I used to be pretty excited about politics when I was a youth, I even was part of a very special club, but I had to quit when sadly when our leader committed suicide. It was a very hard time in my life."     
More About: Words , Barak Obama

Hillary Clinton Denies Destro Donation
2008-02-02 04:03:00
Today The New York Times reported that Cobra friend, and weapons specialist Destro has given 3 million to the Clinton campaign. Clinton initially denied the allegation, but then recanted her denial when pictures with Destro and Bill Clinton at a fund raiser were posted on the Drudge Report. Hillary in an attempt to divert attention from her latest  fund raising scandal immediately went out to have  her picture taken with a baby. "Lots of people donate to my campaign, and I can not keep track  of every single one." Said  the  clearly irritated Clinton. Days ago Republican front runner John MCcain came out with some strong words against Cobra and Destro. 85 percent of Americans pulled consider Cobra and Destro to be terrorist groups. "No Destro money here," said Barak Obama who is trying to use the scandal to point out that He would be the best candidate to run against MCcain.               ...
More About: Hillary Clinton , Donation , Linton

David Bowie gets into the Cat Food Business
2008-02-02 03:09:00
If your cat is Bisexual, and all cats are Bisexual, then it will love David Bowie Cat  food mix. MEOW    David Bowie cat food mix will hit the market next month with a huge campaign staring Bowie himself in the commercials. Each piece of  David Bowie cat food mix is individually made by David Bowie himself, in his cat shack that he has built  in a secret location on his estate. Bowie Cat  mix  comes in so many flavors.  Salmon, Ocean  Tuna, beef gibbets,  real  cat flesh, and white tuna.  David Bowie does not just endorse David Bowie cat food mix, he also lives on it in his strict new diet. If your store worker does not carry David Bowie Cat food mix, tell him he should. Tell him it is good.   
More About: Business , Food

Al Roker Goes On Another Tirade Against Hannah Montana
2008-02-02 02:37:00
"You can't hide from me anymore, you sneaky little bitch, I don't know how you do it, but I know you are two people!" Al Roker said when he first learned that Hannah Montana ,  and Miley Cyrus  are the same person. In his new Today Show segment called, "teens I want to impregnate," Al Roker again has gone on a tirade against his number one enemy Hannah Montana . The feud began weeks ago when Al, who had spent all his money on hookers and wild cherry Pepsi, could not afford Hannah Montana tickets. He then famously said, "Lower your ticket prices bitch, or by god I will hunt you down and impregnate you."  Parents everywhere appalled Al's brave words, but recently his rants about the teen sensation have taken on a darker tone. Roker also talked about  his new plan to find the  island  on "Lost"  and convince the other males to make the  females their sex slaves. Reps from the today show say that Al is jus...

Gore to Endorse Barak Obama
2008-02-01 01:36:00
Rumors have been circulating, that Al Gore will formally endorse Barak Obama before Super Tuesday.Could we see a possible Obama Gore ticket?    Could the inventor of the internet and global warming be the next super Democrat to endorse Barak Obama ? Sources close to the former Vice President, say that Gore  may support Obama before Super Tuesday.  For the Clintons  this would be another devastating blow, hopefully the one to knock them out of the race.

John MCcain gets Coveted Batman Endorsement
2008-02-01 01:03:00
Hours after Batman came out to support MCcain,  Superman held  a press  conference  in Metropolis  to  support Barak Obama. It has been a house divided in the Super Hero world, with Batman's "friend" Robin earlier this month supporting Hillary Clinton. But the two biggest names have picked the leaders in each party. Superman's support for Barak has been just another blow to the Clinton camp, who quickly promoted their supporter the Green  Lantern. Others like the Hulk have remained undecided. "Hulk needs time to decide, Hulk will read parade magazine to help him to make hard decision." Said the Hulk in an interview with playboy.   
More About: John , Endorsement , John McCain

Hillary Clinton Trumps Win in Florida, Bill Clinton Denounces the Economy
2008-02-01 00:36:00
Hillary Clinton Trumps Win in Florida , Bill Clinton Denounces the Economy . Bill Clinton's endless coc binge  is now  hurting  the  Hillary camp ,  as the media asks, can  Hillary control  Bill. Despite the fact that no one was campaigning and no delegates were to be awarded, Hillary Clinton pretended that she won in Florida. It gas been a hard week for the Clinton's after the South Carolina loss.  Bill Clinton who every one  hoped including Hillary, would come done from his 10 day coc binge and just stop talking, has come out again with poison for the Hillary camp. He stated today that the  Economy needs to slow down to stop global warming.  "Basically we need  to just  lock bill in a room with some coc, some hookers, and season three of the "Dukes of Hazard," until we get through super Tuesday." Said an unnamed Clinton staffer.      
More About: Hillary Clinton

Islam's answer to the Spice Girls
2008-01-31 21:06:00
As the Spice Girls get ready for a new tour, The new Islamic group "The Good Wives" release their new single, "If you wanna be my Husband."The new Islamic group "The Good wives" has taken the Islamic world by storm. They reject the Satanic view of "Girl Power" and replace it with what they call "Husband Power." At first police in Saudi Arabia wanted to stone the "Good Wives" but when they started to listen to their lyrics and crazy beats the police were hooked. They "Good Wives," first single "If you want to Be my husband" is very pro beating and comments how a disappointing wife should be killed. Saudi police have still not decided if the "Good Wives" should be imprisoned, but for now wives everywhere are getting into the "Husband Power."
More About: Spice Girls , Answer , The Spice Girls

John Edwards Drops out of Race, Gets Job in a Mill
2008-01-30 22:54:00
Poor people  everywhere  were indifferent to the announcement  today that John   Edwards is dropping out of the 2008 election. In fact people everywhere were indifferent  to Edwards quite departure. Edwards who has no job, plans on working in the Mill with his dad.                                  Pop  Edwards is glad that his son  is getting a real  job. "tis  about  time  little  Jonny  stopped fooln with  them rich folks and got himself  hard working life," said Edwards father, who this month will complete his 75 year in the Mill. Edwards departure is due to the fact that he can only pull in 15-20 percent of primary voters, while that would make him a front runner for the Republicans, it is no match to the Obama and Clinton numbers.
More About: John Edwards , Race

Sen. John McCain Wins Florida, Denounces Cobra And Destro
2008-01-30 04:53:00
Cobra and Destro are emerging as the new threat in the world, and as President, I will not wait for them to strike first." Said the victorious Senator MCcain. MCcain beat out Mitt Romney, and Rudy Guilliani, but his strongest words were against weapons specialist Destro. "Destro be warned, there is no save haven in the world for you when I get in the Oval office." MCcain said as he simultaneously shaved his whiskers with his Vietnam Bowie knife.   MCcain, then in an almost gleeful tone, seemed to taunt conservatives in the Republican party by honoring the gay GI Joe members who lost there lives to aids in the 80's. "It's time for America to honor all of her heroes, not just the ones who  put there dicks in vagina's.  Duke, Snake Eyes,  Sergeant Slaughter, Gong Ho, and any other gay Joe's who have lost there lives,  to the aids epidemic deserve our  respect and  admiration. They are great American Heroes." The Sen...
More About: Cobra , John , Florida , John McCain , Wins

Bush to Host Price Is Right After He Leaves Office
2008-01-30 03:55:00
In one of the more surprising moments of last nights state of union, George Bush announced his plans to host the CBS game show "The Price is Right" when he leaves office next year.        Perhaps the most surprised were CBS executives who previously had no plans of hiring President for the job that  Drew  Carry  inherited from Bob Barker.  "Drew  Carry  is a nice  fella,"  the President said, "but he is running the grand old game show into  the ground, and if  "Price is  Right" gets  canceled Al-Qaeda will be able say to the  world that they defeated the  United States.         The President further laid out his plans to bring the show back to the basics                   with Bush's Beauties, and in a surprise choice, of Al Gore to replace Rod Roddy. "If he wears a pur...
More About: Office , Host , Leaves

Romney turns to Faith in Time of Need
2008-01-21 15:05:00
There is one issue that Mitt Romney will not  flip-flop on,  and that is his crazy  Mormon  religion. The Religion that is based on the HBO show "Big Love," has always been a source of strength for Romney, and as the his Presidential hopes hang in the balance he again turns to the Religion that prides itself on marrying young women to their uncles.     Now a grown man that calls himself Mitt is bound to have some psychotic issues, couple that with a Religion that makes Scientology look like a very non crazy Religion, and you get Mitt Romney. Or we could say that Scientology is equal to Mel Gibson directing "The Passion of the Christ," while Mormonism is Mel Gibson  drunk on tequila,  blaming the Jews  for all  wars. Anyway lets not debate which religion is the craziest.      It has been leaked by some of Romney supporters that Mitt plans to have his blood drained in  a  secret Mormon r...
More About: Faith , Time

Clinton to go door to door in South Carolina
2008-01-21 14:14:00
"I am the first Black President, and I aim to be the last one too," Clinton said when explaining his personal quest to defeat Barak Obama.Bill was asked weeks ago by the Hillary camp to stay at home, but thats  like telling Bubba  to keep his hands in his pockets  at  a Hooters restaurant.  Slick Willy  just loves the spotlight  and continues to have ugly encounters with the public and reporters.  In his latest ploy Bill has decided to go door to door in African American communities in South Carolina , to convince the public that he is the first Black president.  
More About: South Carolina , Door

Harry and the Hendersons Makes Oscar Push
2008-01-21 13:56:00
The Producers of the 1987 film Harry and The Hendersons, today announced that they will make a push for the movie to be nominated for best picture. The movie about a Bigfoot that comes to live in the home of a Seattle family, has long been overlooked by the critics. That all changed when last months special addition  came  out.  The rated -R  special addition is drawing comparisons to  the Mark Wahlberg  penis scene in "Boogie Nights".  "It's big and it's about time the public sees it, this version has always been my vision for the film," said director William Dear.
More About: Oscar , Push

Fat Mexican Candidate Bill Richardson Drops out od Race
2008-01-10 22:10:00
The Democrats with an embarrassment of blessings for  candidates, looses first fat Mexican   candidate. The democrats are competing with social history. Who will it be, first black president, first women president, or first gay president, John  Edwards. Richardson who came in fourth in both Iowa and New Hampshire has not yet endorsed any of his peers 
More About: Bill Richardson , Race , Bill

Hillary Clinton Attacks Obama on his Blackness
2008-01-06 23:26:00
"My Husband has more black in his finger nail then Barak Obama has in his whole light half black body" The Angry Clinton said to high school students in New Hampshire. How many fat white girls has Barak Obama had sex with" Hillary asked her audience. "The answer is zero." "Do you think they call my husband the first black president for nothing" the clearly deranged Senator went on to explain that Bill's fast food eating, saxophone playing, women groping ways, are way blacker then Barak. Hillary is under tremendous stress after her head almost exploded in last nights debate when John Edwards correctly called her the status quo.
More About: Hillary Clinton , Attacks

Depressed Mitt Romney drinks soda with caffeine after Iowa loss
2008-01-04 23:40:00
Romney pictured getting caffeine high with Mormon prophet Sammy the Polygamist Squirrel, after his devastating loss to Mike Huckabee.In dark corner of an Iowa Denny's Mitt Romney with his 5 sons, and their collected 20 wives and 42 children, ordered 3 rounds of diet coke. Witnesses also say that they saw a Juicy Fruit wrapper left on the table after the family left. This is not the first time Romney has broken Mormon law. In 1983 Romney refused to marry 13 year old girl, what then would be a fourth wife, stating that the girl was to old to be properly trained as a good wife. He later married the girl's younger sister. Mormanism the religion based on the HBO show "Big Love" has had tough year, recently losing worlds craziest religion contest to Scientology. Looks like the Romney campaign will be another blow to wacky Mormons
More About: Drinks , Loss , Soda

Retarded and Homeless not enough to get Hillary Clinton Iowa Win
2008-01-04 23:15:00
Despite the desperate rush of the Clinton campaign to bribe and in some cases sexually satisfying retarded and homeless voters, Hillary finishes a sad sad third. "We hired prostitutes, handed out cigarettes and booze, and even hand fed baby ruth bars to the retards who have to be chained up, and still couldn't beat Obama, or even Edwards" said an unnamed exhausted Clinton staffer. First Black President Bill Clinton always got the retard vote and was left speechless when his wife failed to rally the troops. Chelsea Clinton who herself is slightly retarded was also sorely disappointed "My people let my Mom down, Chelsea feel very bad now."
More About: Hillary Clinton , Iowa , Homeless

Tom Hanks Shocking Gay Film from his Past!
2008-01-04 22:51:00
The movie Tom Hanks doesn't want his fans to know about, a little known film called Philadelphia, a gay-exploitation film,  in which he has gay sex in a porno theater.Before he was "Forest Gump", before he was the guy from the "Terminal" Tom Hanks made a gay-exploitation film to help pay the bills before his career took off. A little movie called "Philadelphia" in which Hanks has sex with random men until he contracts aids. Also in the film was the struggling Antonio Banderas, who also plays a promiscuous gay man. Reps from Hanks deny the existence of this soft core gay Porno, but copies of the film have been circulating in the press for weeks, and story is about to break. It's hard to say how the knowledge of the film will effect Hanks career, but the public usually does not like to be lied to for so many years. Hank's would not confirm deny his involvement in the film but plans to address it later in a press conference this week.
More About: Film , Past