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Evil Super Delegates Come Out To Support Hillary
2008-05-15 11:20:00 Evil Super Delegates Come Out To Support Hillary Senator Palpatine and Count Dooku came out today in strong support of Hillary Clinton. "Young Obama is gravely mistaken if believes he will be the democratic nominee," Palpatine decried cryptically as drank from his always present Diet Dr Pepper, which he calls pimp juice. "His message of hope and optimism is a message of weakness and cowardliness. He must give in to his hatred, strike Hillary down, then I would consider supporting him." Count Dooku himself was a Presidential hopefull, and won 90 percent of the vote in Utah, also came out in strong support of Hillary today. He plans on hunting down Super delegates on for Obama and slaying them with his lightsaber. "My saber is just the catastrophe Clinton needs to gain the nomination." BD ... More About: Evil
Obama/Edwards 2008 The Real Dream Ticket
2008-05-15 07:33:00 Obama/Edwards 2008 The Real Dream Ticket If Hillary is on the Obama ticket then Barack Obama will cease to be a presidential candidate. He will become a sideshow to the Clinton circus. Bill, as this election has proven again and again will obviously not take a backseat to anyone, and Hillary will not take a backseat to Obama. "Lets get a woman in the White House before we let Samba in." Hillary said last night in her Katie Couric interview. Edwards solves the racist agrument that the Hillary camp claims they have not made. Edwards is a Southern boy, but not a good old boy. He attempts to be the champion of the poor. If he falls short he far more relatible to poor white voters then Hillary Clinton (Bd Fact #44, Bill Clinton will move in to the white house no matter who wins in November)
Slutty Girl Scout Sells 17,000 Boxes of Cookies
2008-05-15 07:11:00 DEARBORN, Mich. – Jennifer Sharpe knows how to sell Girl Scout cookies. She sold them to friends. She sold them to strangers. She even convinced her orthodontist to buy the popular sweet treats. "Do you want eat my cookie?" Jennifer would ask would be male buyers.15 year old Jennifer Sharpe has been a Girl Scout for 5 years, but the 15 year old got something for Christmas last year that gives her an edge. She grew into some big tits and a sweet ass. The flavor she sold the most of was caramel coconut. The words just rolled off her tongue. Girl Scout sets record for cookie sales with 17,323 boxes sold "Wanna Know the only thing that tastes better then girl scout cookies?" (Balckdog fact #15 The Girl Scouts have surpassed catholic girls in amount of blow jobs given out annually)
Hillary Clinton Praises Dog The Bounty Hunter
2008-05-15 06:37:00 HONOLULU - Bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman’s cable TV show will soon be back on the air. Rednecks everywhere rejoice as they hear the news that Dog is coming back in action."This is even better then voting for Hillary Clinton ," said a racist West Virginia voter. Dog plans on getting back to what he does best catching dead beat poor people who have bench warrants. Today Senator Clinton praised Dog while campaigning, "Like all the rest of you ignorant white uneducated voters I too love Dog the bounty hunter, and don't forget Barack Obama is a Darkie who hates America, and he even believes in evolution." Clinton then screamed like a little piggy to the drunken applause of the crowd. ( Blackdog fact #12 Barack Obama used to live in Hawaii and do cocaine until Dog the bounty hunter scared him away) More About: The Bounty
Al Gore To Lead The Super Delagates
2008-05-15 04:42:00 "I told tipper that we are gonna have to tevo Lost this Thursday so I can meet with the super delegates," Gore said this weekend. Gore did not specify which Super delegates are considered the most Super, but Big Al thinks he can sway them. Aquaman, is expected to be part of this meeting, and like Gore he is a very big uncommitted Super delegate. So far Gore has had a very low presence, but throughout the democratic contest for president he has been a sought after voice. Gore, who has been focusing on trying to keep his neck fat from taking over his face, has spent most of his days thinking of new inventions. This year he has had mixed success from his invention the iphone, but now Gore has turned his attention to the super delegate crises. Gore is a party man and does not want to go into the convention without a nominee, "If necessary me and Tippe...
John McCain Picks Vice President
2008-05-15 04:32:00 John McCain Chooses Justin Long as Running Mate. "He reminds me of me when I was young and hip, John McCain shocked the political world today by picking Justin Long as his running mate. McCain first noticed Long while he was watching "Reba" about five months ago in a Mac commercial. "He talks to that stiff shirt like I talk to uptight senators in debates," McCain said in a press conference. "He is so cool" McCain then did an air high five. Long was also surprised by the Senators move, and had no prior knowledge that an election was going on. McCain's decision comes on the heels of increasing GOP concerns about his mental health. Recently he has been quoting the Christopher Walken monologue from "Pulp Fiction" as if it was his own story of the war. McCain has started his strategy to appeal to youth voters. In recent campaign stops at local arcade McCain has been dressing and Talking i...
Edwards Endorses Obama. Will Edwards be tapped for Vice
2008-05-15 03:24:00 "The reason I'm here tonight is because the Democratic voters have made their choice, and so have I," he told the boisterous crowd. Will Edwards be tapped for Vice President? Edwards who took the job at Mill with his dad after dropping out of the Presidential contest, spends most of his free time writing Three's Company fan fiction and waiting for his wife to die."When Elizabeth dies I think I'll just up load the Saub and move to Portland, I just want to be in between not straight or gay, just a regular Portland guy." Edwards said while fastening his fanny pack. The Clinton camp was quick to point out that nobody really liked Edwards in high school, "He was a shorp little shrimpy guy with a gay lisp, and the fact is he still is." Said Terry McAuliffe. The Clinton campaign also claims that Senator Clinton has surpassed Obama in the popular...
Hillary Clinton Wins West Virginia
2008-05-13 12:30:00 Clinton changes her no vagina left behind slogan to no whitey left behind and wins the red neck state by a huge margin. Clinton plans on winning a couple more insignificant contests before making her final threat to the Super delegates. "Either give Hillary the nomination or watch her make sure John McCain beats Obama in November," said soulless Clinton Campaign Chairman Terry McAuliffe. McAuliffe, like many Clinton supporters only gets through the day with the power of his own self loathing. He hopes to get to June 3 before he kills himself but he admits he may not make it. (Blackdog fact #64 Clinton supporters do not like all those elitists folks who go to collage) More About: West Virginia , Hillary Clinton , Virginia , West , Clinton
Ron Paul Hospitalized: In Critical Condition
2008-05-13 11:59:00 Ron Paul Hospitalized: In Critical Condition RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT UPDATE: Earlier today, congressman Ron Paul was rushed to the hospital after ingesting an unknown foreign substance. Investigators have not confirmed what caused Paul's critical condition but they say that it is likely a toxic concoction of the congressman's own making. Since moving all his operations into the giant glass dome (see previous story) constructed on his Texas ranch, aides say that the congressman has become increasingly erratic. "All he ever talked about since going in there was the new super-race of constitutionalists, and how he and his brethren were going to eradicate the 'new world order' lap dogs." Said a concerned Hulk Hogan who has been serving as Ron Paul's senior campaign adviser. Paul's followers became concerned when he failed to appear in the 'crow's nest' within the rule-free glass dome to address them with their daily missi... More About: Ron Paul
Super Delegate Comes Out Big For Clinton
2008-05-13 10:32:00 On the day of the West Virginia primary a big super delegate has come out for Senator Hillary Clinton . Reported Death Eater Lucius Malfoy has formally endorsed Clinton. The supporter of he who must not be named had this to say. "Hillary Clinton is among the few muggle's that I respect. The Dark Lord too has been impressed by some of her more creative tactics. I also believe that that mud blood Barack Obama is worse then that trouble maker Harry Potter." Other super delegates Crab and Goyle are expected to follow Malfoy's lead. (Blackdog fact #243 THe Clinton's have known the Malfoy's for years and Bill Clinton even pardoned Lucius for child genital exposure charges) More About: Super
Democrats have smaller breasts then Republicans
2008-05-13 10:30:00 Study confirms what has long believed to be true, Liberals have smaller breast then Conservatives. Can you tell how these women vote? (Hint the one on the right is a liberal) According to insurance call service technician, Robert Parker, small breasted women tend to be more liberal, sometimes even lesbians. "I have lived in Portland, OR for four years and I have only met two kinds of women," says Parker, "Lesbians and tinny titties." Parker who was kind enough to grant us interview on his lunch break elaborated further on his theory that is taking the country by storm. "You see I did not notice the phenomenon until visited home in Boise, suddenly I was surrounded by big breasted women." Parker goes on to explain that the combination of riding bikes and being a vegetarian not only makes a woman liberal it also gives them very small breasts. "Mr. Parker makes a very good point." Said Bush administration physici... More About: Democrats , Republicans , Breasts
Latest Harry Potter News
2008-05-13 10:28:00 An important story from the Daily Prophet Albus Dumbledore's name has been leaked in ongoing investigation of the Lucius Malfoy bath house Scandal. It has been reported that the famous wizard, and supporter of Harry Potter has been implicated in unnatural acts against Muggles, in private testimony from Malfoy himself. Hogwarts is in a state of shock. No word yet if Professor Dumbledore will be charged with unnatural crimes against muggles, but some parents have already pulled their children out of Hogwarts. " Great man Dumbledore," said magical creatures teacher Rubeus Hagrid. " I never knew him to fool around with muggles in that way, but come to think of it, I never known him to be married or show much interest, in witches." Dumbledore is not the only Hogwarts teacher under suspicion, Professor Serverus Snape has had to deal with years of speculation about were he likes to put his wand. All this can only be good news for the beleaguered Lucius Malfoy, who i... More About: News , Harry Potter
Indiana Jones 4, and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Sucks
2008-05-13 10:26:00 Hispanics Protest Over New Indiana Jones Movie, Indiana Jones And and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Has George Lucas Finally Gone Too Far? George Lucas has made a career of cashing in on racial stereotypes, from the British gay man C-3PO, to the generic-Asian homosexual boy, Short Round (Temple of Doom), Lucas has run the gambit of racially offensive characters. But Lucas may have gone too far with his latest character in the new Indiana Jones movie. Alfredo Menendez Gonzalez is a hard drinking, 15 hour a day working, tequila loving, daughter raping, wacky and Mexican, that helps Indy and serves as comic relief. Lucas got the idea for the character while he was watching his gardeners on the Lucas ranch. "I saw my gardeners eating apricots from a tree on my land and was very angry. But when I went to confront them they did something, they made me laugh. In their backwards unintelligent way they inspired a new character for the new Indiana Jones film."...
President George Bush Still Hates Black People
2008-05-11 10:06:00 As, seen in this official White House poster, President Bush , just doesn't like Black people. The President, sights rap music, dogfighting, and the Bill Cosby movie "Ghost Dad" as the main reason his administration dragged their feet during Hurricane Katrina. President Bush who is trying to get his approval rating into single digits, admitted today that he still does not like Black people. "New schools are opening, people who were displaced are now in good homes, oh yeah and I don't like Black people," the President said in a speech about improvements in New Orleans. "We never had any of them in my Skull and Bones club, and we never a knife fight either." The President elaborated. Unfortunately this came as no surprise to most activists, who see no reason to protest the President, as it is such a well known fact. "Bush didn't realize I was Black until late into his first term, and I don't think anybody has told him about, Con... More About: People , George Bush
Angelina Breaks Up With Brad
2008-05-11 10:04:00 Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Brad Pitt And Reveals Shocking News About Their Split: Earlier today actress Angelina Jolie, known for her critically acclaimed performances in both Tomb Raider movies, and for wearing a vile of Billy Bob Thornton's Blood during that shame of a marriage, spoke about her failed relationship with superstar Brad Pitt on the Oprah Winfrey talk show. "I just realized, he didn't wear that Pirate outfit to bed for me," Jolie said, "he wore it because George Clooney had sat on it at a party." Jolie went on to discuss how what she at first saw as Pitt's friendship with actor George Clooney was really a growing obsession. "He would stand naked in front of the mirror, sometimes for hours flexing his muscles in different poses, asking which I thought George would like best." However the pirate costume Pitt became obsessed with, and according to Jolie, came to wear under his re...
Hillary Clinton Forms New Party, So She Can Run Against McCain and Obama
2008-05-11 10:02:00 The New Party was formed late last night and is called The National Socialist International party, or the Nasi Party for short. Hillary sad these powerful words to announce the new party and her new candidacy as a third party candidate."To a National Socialist, things like PRIDE, HONOR, LOYALTY, COURAGE, DISCIPLINE, and MORALITY - actually MEAN something. Like our fore-fathers, we too are willing to SACRIFICE to build a better world for our children whom we love deeply, and like them as well - we are willing to DO ANYTHING NECESSARY to ACHIEVE THAT GOAL. We are your brothers and your sisters, we are your fathers and your mothers, your friends and your co-workers - WE ARE WHITE AMERICA, just like YOU!"(West Virgina voters) Hillary also makes a new youth group. Some critics say that Hillary's call for blood purity, is just another Clinton attempt to inject race in... More About: Hillary Clinton , Obama
CHENEY '08 GETS THE BUSEY BOOST (A Blackdog Press Classic)
2008-05-11 09:49:00 Hillary Clinton has Steven Spielburg, Barak Obama has Oprah, But Dick Cheney gets support from oscar watching actor Gary Busey. Who do you think would win in a cage fight? Momentum for the draft Cheney '08 movement picked up some serious celebrity clout when actor, and war enthusiast, Gary Busey became the self-proclaimed Cheney campaign "Secretary General". Yesterday Busey brought his message to a family restaurant in Los Angelos ("Bob's Big Boy") for what appears to have been an unannounced campaign stop. The star of such films as, "Hider in the House" and "The Buddie Holly Story", rolled into the parking lot in what witnesses described as: an out of date school bus painted in psychedelic colors. "This is it baby! You can't stop the bear from growling!", Busey yelled to a crowd of confused restaurant patrons as he did a summer-salt from a bus window. The rally took off after Busey had collected all ... More About: Press , Classic
Why Is Ron Paul Still Running?
2008-05-11 09:48:00 Voting Ron Paul for President in 2008? Why don't you just carve out your brains and feed them to a hungry cat, because at least you will have done something more productive with your day than actually taking this pathetic excuse for a Presidential candidate seriously. Oh Sweet Lord And My God-what happened to you people? Did Uncle Charlie take you to the basement too many times as a kid? GET A HOBBY-a fish, anything, but please come to your senses. Just let the poor pathetic man die already, I mean it looks like he could go at anytime. If not, at least have the decency to kill the rest of us and spare us of the insanity that is the "Ron-Pauler" movement. Do you guys wear black robes or something? Is there at least some cool incentive to all this(Blackdog fact #21 Ron Paul Sucks Ass) More About: Running
The World of Harry Potter
2008-05-11 09:35:00 An Important Story From The Daily Prophet The Wizard community just can not get enough of the Lucius Malfoy bath house scandal, as Malfoy gets help from Muggle sex offender Tom Fulley. Earlier this week Lucius Malfoy was arrested in a Muggle bath house in London that is well known for the practice of trading sexual favors for what Muggles call money. The story much to Malfoy's dismay just will not die. The Death Eater, now has turned desperately to Muggle reformed Homosexual Tom Fulley for help. The former U.S. congressmen who is no stranger to the danger of young boys has volunteered to help Lucius get "Cured." To the great surprise of the Wizard community Malfoy has excepted. Using the strange muggle magic called "Jesus", Malfoy now claims to be reformed from his former unnatural attraction to young hot men. He is also trying to convey himself as a strong family man, and he has circulated the picture above of himself and his son Draco.... More About: World , Harry Potter , Potter , The World
Obama Buys His First Billy Joel CD
2008-05-11 09:33:00 In an attempt to bridge the gap he has with uneducated white voters, Barack Obama went into a West Virginia Wall mart and bought his very first Billie Joel CD. Billie Joel's Greatest Hits. "Wow it was really awesome, Barack said after only 40 seconds of listening to it." Barack also bought the first five seasons of Friends and some new ammo for all the deer hunting he plans on doing in the next week. "Barack really is loving his new white lifestyle," said a senior Obama staff member. "He even did the tomahawk chop at the Washington National game yesterday, and the braves weren't even playing!" Ignorant whites everywhere are taking a second look at Barack. "I thought he was too much like that bad Ni#^ER Malcolm X, but I think he might be more like that nice colored boy Will Smith," said an ignorant non college educated white, who still loves Hillary. (Blackdog fact #79, Hillary Clinton actually gets her race baitin... More About: Billy Joel
Gore to Make An Inconvenient Truth Part 2
2008-05-11 09:15:00 Gore to Make An Inconvenient Truth Part 2, or ICT2J. Gore promises more action in the sequel, which he says is part De Vinci Code, part National Treasure. Gore will star along with his friend and long time political intellect Steven Seagal! The two friend met at a Hooters sponsored fat guy wet t-shirt contest, in which Gore won what he calls his first Noble prize. The movie will be directed by Michael Bay, and promises Lava flowing through New York City, and Polar Bears being forced into concentration camps by an evil Republican administration. There will also be a love scene between Gore and Jessica Alba that very reminiscent of the romantic Al and Tipper Gore make out session of the 2000 election. "Al makes love making look like a mother bird feeding her young baby," said Bay. It's just so disgusting, I think it's why actresses are regarded as such whores, I m... More About: Gore
Happy Mother's Day Jessic Alba, You Hot Slut
2008-05-11 09:13:00 This how is good Catholic girl Jessica Alba got pregnant. Or at least what happened immediately before. It makes me want to have babies, so does this. So Happy mother's day Jessica, you make that Angelina Jolie look like a broken down brick house, you make motherhood sexy again. But please no more dumb movies with that A-hole Dane Cook.And what's up with that invisible girl you play in those crazy Fantastic 4 movies, your only invisible when your naked, and only naked when your invisible! WTF! (Blackdog fact #87 More Alba hotness)
DMX Likes To Kill Dogs
2008-05-11 01:40:00 DMX Dog fighting lyrics As authorities dig up dead dogs at the house that DMX built, Michael Vick finds Jesus. Which leads us to ask is there Dog fighting in Heaven. Meanwhile Rapper DMX, sees no end to his dog fighting days, and plans to release a new album, "I Like to Kill Bitches." Representatives for the rapper insist that X is only talking about degrading women and is in no way trying to glamorize dog fighting. As dead dogs pile up on X's property, a very sullen Michael Vick plead guilty yesterday, and for the first time in his career tried to appeal to the red neck fans in the N.F.L. Like a gay Republican politician, Vick has desperately found Jesus. Exactly were he found the Messiah we can't be sure, but it just happens to coincide with the death of his career. But it seems Jesus just might be the trick for Vick, as Atlanta Falcons owner stated there may be some redemption for the disgraced quarterback. In meantime Vick will dedic... More About: Dogs
New Apple Iphone, to be marketed for Seniors
2008-05-11 01:33:00 New Apple Iphone , to be marketed for Seniors Former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, promotes new Apple's iphone, for seniors, called "The Rummy" Rumsfeld has been an opponent of the iphone since day one calling it at best "A device to make it easier for young people, like Sean Penn, to send each other pictures of their fannies." But now old Rummy has taken matters into to his own hands. For they last several days Rumsfeld has been getting up at 4 in the morning and marching himself and a camouflaged shopping cart to his local "Best Buy" store. What's in the cart? Rumsfeld calls it the "Rummy," the senior alternative to the iphone. At first glance the Rummy looks like a dell laptop with a cell phone super glued to the back. But on closer inspection it is far worse. "I format the computers so they can't go on the internet, that way there is no risk of getting a young fannie in your e-mail box...
Al Gore Admits Global Warming Is A Big Fat Lie
2008-05-11 01:26:00 Al Gore Admits Global Warming Is Wrong Thursday, former Vice President Al Gore admitted that he no longer believed global warming was necessarily true. The long time enviornmentalist, and out spoken advocate in saving their Earth from carbon fuel admissions made a general apology to the world today, as tears welled up in his eyes. "I guess I just got started and couldn't stop," the contrite Gore said to a group of reporters, "it's just like when I open a box of twinkies. All I want is one, but for God's sake look at me. Look at me now ma!" Gore shouted as he grabbed the excess weight overlapping his belt. The turning point on global warming came for Gore last week when he realized that his research had come from questionable sources. "Turns out Leonardo DiCaprio and I just aren't the preeminent voices in the scientific community, in fact, we're not even real scientists at all." "I'm really sorry for inspiring... More About: Al Gore
Bush to Go to Castro's Funeral
2008-05-11 01:16:00 Bush will go to Fidel Castro's Funeral President Bush prepares to go to Fidel Castro's funeral Packing himself a sombrero and planning to make his famous Texas style tacos, President Bush made preparations to go to Castro's funeral. "I think it will be really neato," said the President. "We will have a fiesta, but a sad one, but still a good one." Bush claimed. The announcement came as a shock to White House staffers who were under the impression that Bush did not know who Castro was. "This is just the sort of thing we usually have to deal with in the N.F.L's off season," said a very distressed Bush handler. Bush seems to be under the impression that Castro was a big supporter in the War on terror and plans to present his widow a brand new "Cricket" cell phone. (Blackdog Fact #417, President Bush plans on becomeing the new host of The Price is Right After, he leaves office) More About: Bush
Clinton Running a Positive non Race Baiting Campaign?
2008-05-11 00:13:00 Clinton Running a Positive non Race Baiting Campaign ? Hillary Clinton wants to die an ugly political death, and resembles the melting witch from Oz, as she refuses to accept that she has lost. West Virginia will be her most shameful contest yet. "There was just an AP article posted that found how Sen. Obama's support among hardworking Americans, white Americans is weakening again, and how the whites in both states that have not completed college were supporting me," Clinton said in a USA Today interview May 7. And they were waving and cheering as the Senator made her speech. Only ignorant people would think that Hillary Clinton's rhetoric or campaign is playing race, or being negative. Then from a tree a young girl, who was not screened by the Clinton ministers, spoke out. The young girl pointed at Hillary and shouted, "The Senator has no morales." Suddenly the people realized the simple truth in the words of the child. After all... More About: Clinton
Bush Wedding Crowns New Biggest Douche Bag in The World
2008-05-10 23:37:00 Bush Wedding Crowns New biggest Douche Bag in The World . And the Winner is...Henry Hager! First daughter Jenna Bush and Henry Hager, the son of a well-connected Virginia Republican, say "I do" Saturday on President Bush's 1,600-acre ranch near Crawford, Texas.Jenna Bush is just trying to live a regular life and keeps going on by reminder herself, "At least I am not one of Al Gore's children." Congratulations Henry Hager you are now the biggest Douche bag in the world. Reining worlds biggest douche bag, Sean Penn, called Henry Hager earlier today to pass the torch. "I guess I will just have to retire and hang out with Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordon, like them I was the greatest but it's time for a new generation of douche bags to have their turn." A teary eyed Penn said to an audience of dozens. Presidents George W Bush's Guide to a Texas Father of the bride. 1. Watch father of the bride ... More About: Bush , The World
Al Roker "Speed Racer Is Awesome!"
2008-05-10 01:19:00 Today show co-host and political activist Al Roker has made another bold and contraversial statement today. "Speed Racer Is Awesome ! Oh, and before I forget, go see Speed Racer, or by God I will hunt down Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) and Impregnate her." Al, who now only refers himself in the third person as the Weatherman, has added Christina Ricci to his list of women he would like to impregnate. Al, has also gotten in line early for his other most favorite movie, Sisterhood of the traveling pants part 2. Dressed in an Iron man costume that he has made out of tinfoil and orange spray pant, Roker has camped himself out in front of a Regal Cinema in Manhattan. (Blackdog fact #7: Al Roker wants to impregnate the cast of Traveling Pants, and all the models on Deal or No Deal, all within a 24 hour marathon)
Bill and Chelsea Clinton Come Out And Support Obama
More articles from this author:2008-05-10 00:59:00 Shelter from the storm. Bill and Chelsea Clinton have fled the Clinton "Victory Bunker," and our now in a hideaway house somewhere across the Canadian border. In recent days Hillary has been talking about victory or death. "Don't you want be with mommy when she is president of heaven?" Hillary reportedly asked Chelsea after the results in North Carolina and Indiana. Bill Knew he had to take action. Late last night as Hillary slept in a lazy boy with a revolver in her right hand and cyanide pills on her T.V. tray table, Bill and Chel disguised themselves as peasants and used false papers to get by Hillary's SS (secret service) troops. The ploy worked and Chelsea and Bill have escaped to Canada, where they plan to change their names and live simple quite lives. (BlackDog fact # 1020: Ronald Reagan is the President of Heaven) More About: Obama , Support , Chelsea Clinton 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
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