My Secret Spiritual Dance

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"What If God Was One Of Us?"
2008-05-21 19:48:00
That song by Joan Osborne often runs through my mind when I walk through the streets of Los Angeles. Today I saw a woman, probably in her 70's, with a wizened face pulling a small cart filled with junk. She was getting up from a bus stop bench. I happened to glance down and noticed that her pants were stained with dark splotches at the crotch, a fresh trail of liquid darkened her pants. As I passed the smell of urine permeated the air.My heart opened. I remembered reading somewhere, sometime long ago that some Native Americans look at the disabled, the crazy, the shunned as Teachers and Holy.I wondered if she was in pain. I thought of the vastness of human suffering. I thought of the impossiblity of any one person "fixing" it. I wished we honored our elders, the outcast, the one closer to the other worlds than we. I'm so in awe of souls that choose to come and experience life in this way. Seeing her touched me and reminded me, one again, at the power, the majesty and the my...

Yes, It's Really The Breath
2008-05-10 00:28:00
It's been a very long time since I've posted. Thanks and Many Blessings to those of you who continue to visit. In my absence, my whole life has changed. Much of it has been a tumultuous shifting. I've moved 400 miles away from the beautiful Northern California town I called home for thirty years. I sold my home, sold lots of my stuff, packed most the remaining stuff in storage. I left family, friends and a way of life that was laid back, comfy and connected, while being close enough to a large city to be able to enjoy that life when I wanted to. My old hometown has a strong sense of family and community. I loaded only what could fit in my Camry and I moved right smack dab in the middle of Hollywood. I now hear helicopters flying overhead much of the time. Asphalt and cement have replaced trees and grass. I know very few people when I used to see tons of acquaintances every time I went out. The move down here was not under the best of circumstances. I had to let go of a dream I'v...
More About: Breath

Enlightenment Intensive
2008-03-26 04:29:00
My Dear Best Friend, Adrienne is leading a workshop May 1-4 called an "Enlightenment Intensive ."It's a system of meditation/process called Dyad Communication that cuts through to the core of Spirit. Find out more about the process here. Then, once you've visited there and found out what it's about, you can go here and get more writings by Adrienne on the topic and find out the particulars of this intensive. I love what this process has done for and with her and her husband. I encourage you to go visit the site and check it out...and maybe you'll go...and maybe I'll see you there!!!Art- Men in Dyad Communication position from here

Today I'm thinking of....
2008-03-06 20:00:00
...a dearly loved friend who is undergoing open heart surgery as I write. We trust all will be well, that this is a good thing and that he will come out the other side healthier than before he went in. We know will soon be playing in our grand style.I know it's brought up all sorts of stuff for him. I can see it in his face, primarily his eyes. His face has changed. Although I am totally projecting here, I don't know if it's as much a fear of how surgery will turn out. I think it's more that the world is shifting for him. He's never been this sick before. He has to redefine how he sees and feels his body, can no longer claim "no major surgeries" on medical forms. His wife has had a degenerative disease and both thought she would be the one "to go" first. And although that's probably still the case, it opens eyes to the reality that nothing is permanent, nothing is assured to be as we plan in life.I'm thinking of another friend who woke up this morning with pains and achies in...
More About: Today , Thinking

Today
2008-03-03 18:45:00
While the rest of the country seems as if it's in the middle of a block of ice, here in the Northern California Valley, Spring has arrived full on. On my walk today, I noticed the almond trees blooming. Prettypretty pink and white flowers are everywhere. Bees (thankfully) will still be humming later today. The morning air is crisp-perfect for a walk/jog, while listening to Abraham on tape. Daffodils are smiling, grass shoots are tender green. Everything feels new.When I got home, I made myself some Yogi Detox tea and put it in one of my favorite tea cups. Then I cooked up some steel cut oats sauteed with kale and onions, topped it off with two eggs over medium, then put all in my pretty bowl. Pretty bowls make me happy... as does my beautiful cutlery which has a spiral on the end of it. Life is perfect.Orchard image from hereTea image from here. My favorite line of teas, readily available in most health stores. These days I'm hooked on a number of them. For a desert drink, try th...
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Today's Note From The Universe
2008-02-29 19:34:00
"Do you know what today is, Pamm?Besides Friday. It's February 29, 2008. Ah-ha!Do you know what today means, in spiritual, numerical terms? Me neither.But I know this, your thoughts become things every single day, no matter what the occasion, no matter where the energy vortices lie, no matter when the equinox starts, no matter what the economy is doing, no matter who is in office, no matter what you want, no matter when you want it, no matter what, no matter what, no matter what. Any other thinking just gives your power away.Love you by leaps and bounds, The Universe "You can get these notes to start your day feeling happy here.
More About: Fun , Note , Law of Attraction , The Universe

The Cheezy Chronicles: Family
2008-01-30 18:24:00
I haven't been writing here much because family and processing family are taking lots of time and psychic energy. In a good way. My daughter, Starla, is due on Feb. 3 to have her second child at home (mine). She and her son have been living with me since last week. It's been many a year since the pitter patter of little feet has graced my home for this long a period of time.February is a month that brings up lots of family feelings for me. My mother's birthday was Feb. 1st. My father died on February 12, 1987. My mom died two years later. With my daughter being here, and the new baby here soon, my thoughts turn to family more and more as the days roll by. My parents are with me. Both of them were in their mid 50's when they died. My mother was only 55. I am 51. It's weird to be approaching the ages they were when they passed. I'm thinking and feeling these days about the families we create. I feel so blessed with my children, as I've said before. I feel blessed that they have...
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"Show Me"
2008-01-15 19:22:00
A couple of days ago, I turned on the TV which was set to VH1 (I have a 20 year old living here so it's on lots when the TV is first turned on). The music video to this song was playing.I couldn't embed the actual music video as it was barred on YouTube. You can see that here, if you like.My 20 year old thinks it's a love song to another human. If you decide to go there, what you'll see is that the song is intended as a prayer. It's dedicated to two children who died trying to stow away on a plane to escape life in the streets in Guinea. I'm continually struck by how we use the same words and pleas in our Prayers that we use for Romantic Love .The lyrics:"Show Me" I realized as I lay down to sleepWe haven't spoke in weeksSo many things that I'd like to knowCome have a talk with meI need a sign, something I can seeWhy all the mystery?I try not to fall for make believeBut what is reality?Where do we go?What do we know?Life has to have a meaningShow me the lightShow me the waySh...

The Cheezy Chronicles- Our Brains
2008-01-07 21:44:00
I live in Northern California, which just experienced a storm that left about 80% of my town without electricity for at least 24 hours. For about 40% of the town it was 72 hours before they were back in business. As I sat at one of only two public places in town that had power and Wifi, watching people come in with their cell phones and chargers, I was reminded how much we depend on electricity for our lives. Some argue way too much dependence. Perhaps...but I'm not going to argue that here. Rather, I'm just interested here in giving thanks for electricity, and the Human Brain that thought to harvest this energy then create things to use it.I have a couple of friends who are scientists and have known a number of engineers. They blow me away.How do their brains work that way? How is it that they take information about how molecules work, then sift and sort, put it together in new ways and create a cell phone? My heavens...a phone that requires only waves to work...and that can be u...
More About: Chronicles , Brains

The Cheezy Chronicles: My Loves
2007-12-26 22:03:00
A few days ago I was pondering about love (as I often do). I considered how blessed I am to have people I love and who love me back.Most people yearn for a soul mate. Generally this is defined as an adult partner to walk through life with. We call them the Loves Of Our Lives, our One and Only. There is a mystical, magical feeling associated with this. It's a comfort and exciting to envision that union. I'm not sure I will ever again find that ecstatic union of feeling like I'm with a "soul mate," in the way described above. I may/I may not find that partner to walk hand in hand with.But I do know I've been beyond Blessed with my Ones and Onlies. I have three of them. They are my three daughters.I adore them. They are my life. I would give my life in a nanosecond for them and am fierce in that love for them. Each is entirely different than the other. Each touches me in ways that make me cry. I am Blessed.I've heard it said that little girls dream of their future marriage: what t...
More About: Chronicles

The Cheezy Chronicles Begin
2007-12-13 00:49:00
Life's been good.After a couple of years of confusion, these past two months or so I'm feelin' increasing sparklies in my body, mind and spirit. I definitely feel I'm on my way back to the hum that was my life. Part of these past two week's happies are that I'm really feeling the Christmas Spirit this year. My house is decorated, I've gotten the bulk of the gifts I'll be giving this year and I keep listening to my favorite Seasonal CD's. It's not unusual for me to break out in a carol or four while walking. I'm feelin' really really good.In all this mix, I haven't felt like I've had much to share on here. I guess the tone of this blog has been primarily about my Spirit Journey, which is often me trying to figure things out..which means that I'm often lost and experiencing one form or another of internal drama. Since very little of that is going on, I haven't felt like writing here.But I got a flash this morning, while doing my NIA time, that I'm so happy and gratefu...
More About: Chronicles

What Tantra Is And What It Isn't*
2007-11-29 18:59:00
It's about sex and has nothing to do with sex. It's about how we approach life.Tantra isn't memorizing and perfectly executing all the chronicled positions from the Kama Sutra. It is about being your body and following its impulses rather than some rote routine in sex.Tantra looks like it's all about pretty and light. Which it is...but it's also about being with the Dark...which often shows up in the middle of playing in the light.For instance- the biggest sort of cliche thing I hear about Tantra is that it's about lighting a few candles and gazing into each other's eyes (snicker, snicker). Many find this boring, silly, trite. And it can be. Sitting there looking into another's eyes while a Sting song plays in the background isn't what Tantra's all about.Tantra is all the resistence that comes up for you when you think about doing it or actually do look into your Beloved's eyes for a half hour, going deeper into yourself and them with each passing minute. It's about not ...

My New Friend, EFT
2007-11-26 20:30:00
A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine called to tell me about a special healer lady who was in town who did this tapping thing with the meridians. She was highly impressed and would I like the opportunity to have a session with this woman?I had been asking for "something more," as a new tool. So even though I didn't feel an immediate attraction to go, I said I'd think about it. When I called back the next morning, I got the last slot.I'm a fairly open, yet highly skeptical person. I have high standards for new techniques that come my way. I was open to this, but had my feelers up big time. As I listened and considered it, I was more attracted to the principle behind it...that when things happen to us, our bodies may respond by having our electrical wiring (the meridians) discombobulated. If that doesn't get tended to, it creates a glitch in the matrix.When the end points of these meridians are tapped, while focusing on the emotions that the situation elicited but weren't heale...
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Happy Thanksgiving!!
2007-11-22 17:14:00
Happy thanksgiving to all who come here! Even if you don't celebrate this American holiday, I wish you all the best in your abundant Life and Loves. We are truly blessed.image from here
More About: Thanksgiving , Gratitude , Happy , Hank

Words
2007-11-06 18:37:00
And these last few weeks ponderings on the meaning of words.Another one of those paradoxes I so love:Words mean nothing...it's action that counts.Words are extremely powerful tools of the psyche in both creating and interpreting the world. I have tons of emotional responses to words. The words I've been playing with these last few weeks are the differences of my internal responses when I hear or say: surrender, release, let go, or allow. Whenever I hear the word "surrender," I feel a battle or struggle and that one side capitulates to the other. Or, at least, as in sexual surrender, there's some outside influence that I have no control over that overcomes me and I finally realize there is no way I can avoid the other's dominance. It could be two internal parts of me that are "warring." I also get this feeling that it's not something I really want...but that I can no longer fight or keep at bay. In other words: when I surrender, I do so unwillingly. If I look at that energy a bi...

Questing
2007-11-05 15:31:00
I recently read a memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert called "Eat. Pray. Love." What a lovely book! It's about a woman's yearlong spiritual quest after a painful "wakeup call" divorce, where she goes to live in Italy, India and Indonesia (Bali) for four months each.Italy was to explore the senses and pleasure. The four months in India were spent at an ashram, meditating and doing service work. Bali was to experience a life lived in combination of the two. She starts out lost, confused, depressed, and riddled with anxiety and fear. She ends up centered, happy, and feeling more deeply on her Path.I also saw the movie "Into The Wild," a story about a young man, angry at his parents and society so he goes off, pennyless, to discover Life. He ends up in Alaska. He ends up discovering, after having been alone for months, that happiness is best when shared. I've been thinking about quests lately. I've been on a bit of one here, although it didn't involve traveling in the outer world sense. Mi...
More About: Movies , Music , Books

Samhain
2007-10-31 21:42:00
One of the Great Sabbats and another of the Fire Festivals, Samhain (pronounced "sow-in") is a celebration of when The Veil Between The Worlds is the thinnest. It's also considered to be the Pagan New Year (not by all, but many traditions).In the US, we call it "All Hallow's Eve" or Hallowe'en the night before the Catholic holiday of All Soul's Day, celebrated on November 1. The early Christian church, in order to lure people away from the Old Ways, would celebrate and/overlay a holiday of their own to coincide with all of the ancient pagan festivals. All Soul's Day, or All Saint's Day, is a celebration of all the souls of the dead and departed Saints. It's also celebrated in Mexico as The Day of the Dead.Old Pagan traditions continue to influence the holiday. Why all the ghosts, monsters, goblins and tricksters? Because, as stated above, this is the time when the Veil is the thinnest and our ability to contact the dead most opportune. Scrying (fortune telling) and seances ar...
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I Really Thought....
2007-10-22 22:24:00
...that I'd be posting more, after the 30 day journey. Really had intended to start covering other topics that interest me. But life got busy and then I had a new thing come up in sessions that made me go internal to writing here in public.The image of it that came to me today was about watching our children grow. Parents who really watch their children will notice that their kid is kinda just moving along in life....they're happy, healthy, smiling, cuddly. Then all of a sudden they go through this period where they become like little demons. They cry lots, are very impatient, are clingy. Maybe they revert to younger behavior. Like maybe all of a sudden they want to nurse when they've been weaned. Or they start wetting the bed again. Or all sorts of things that build in a crescendo, until one day, just about when they're ready to call an exorcist, the angel they knew suddenly reappears. But now they are starting to talk in full sentences or reading or walking instead of crawling...
More About: Thought , Ally

Days 28-30 And Beyond
2007-10-13 06:18:00
Although I've not been writing, I have been doing my breathwork sessions. Days 28-30..and the days since have all been kind of progressions of a theme. There has been lots coming up around surrendering. Surrendering to not really knowing what's going on...yet trusting and feeling lots going on. I continue to open, continue to feel, continue to experience the energy moving through my body in different places. It all feels like there is healing going on, slowly, yet surely, as my body accomodates more and more Life Force.These last few days, there was a pattern of taking awhile to get into the intense, fast paced tempo of the cathartic, circular, fast breathing. I found myself rewinding back over and over from minute 21 or so to minute 15 and getting then keeping that intensity going.One thing I'm finding interesting is that I'm starting to experience that numbeing, tetany in my fingers after I've been breathing for a long while now. It feels like the breath has cleared lots...

Days 24-27 Integration
2007-10-09 00:33:00
Life's been beautiful and busy. Friday's session was powerful, again, but I took it easy. I'd been pushing it so much that week that I thought it would be a good time to just do the CD as it was and not rewind it at all to prolong the experience. Great heart and throat openings, but gentler than the beginning of the week's.Then all of a sudden, life got really busy. I had Nona* duty as my grandson came to spend both weekend nights with me. It was fun. He is a delight. Saturday, I didn't find the time to breathe. We were running around too much. Sunday, I made time, but only did a short session. Mind was too much in Monkeyville, so I didn't fight it. And I was marveling today on the amazing abilities of Mothers. How in the heck do we do it all? When I think back to when my kids were little, my today me wonders how I did all the inner growth work. I had three of the little folk, a business to run and was doing this breathwork at night when the kids were in bed. Geez....
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Day 23
2007-10-05 20:32:00
Most every time I've asked for spiritual learnings and opportunities, the universe provides almost instantaneously. In this case, I've asked to open my heart more and find places of unconditional love.,It's easy to feel unconditional love when it's not challenged. Love and peace can flow effortlessly when all is going exactly as I want it, happies are staring me in the face everywhere I look. But then, that's about being conditional...things on the outside have to look good for me to feel good on the inside. It's when things on the outside aren't that way and I'm still able to maintain that feeling of peace and love that I've truly reached the level trust and inner peace that I want.With my open heart flowing I pushed "publish" on my last post. I then went to see if there were any new comments. There was one.It was from an artist from one of the images I had used. I don't write the artists before publishing images, but I always give credit to them, figuring if they don't ...

Day 22
2007-10-04 05:02:00
Jiminy Biminies.One would think that after...um...almost 30 years of inner growth and spiritual work I would remember a thing or two. But it's so easy to forget the realizations we have and the applications of it...then to actually use what we know.Why is it that I can remind myself about certain things in concept, I can remember them for others when coaching, but when it comes to my own stuff I forget things? When will I remember that the places of my greatest fears and pain are the places of my greatest power and healing? I crack myself up.It's now Wednesday. I've been in an emotional "something" since about Friday. I've been feeling, allowing stuff to bubble up and integrate, along with stirring and opening. It's been an amazing journey, indeed.Today's session was about realizations of unconditional love and how I have been unable to be that. On all sorts of levels. The stuff's been dancing around in different areas, playing on the edges of my consciousness, but today it a...

Day 21
2007-10-03 01:55:00
Today's session ended with a very long pee. I forgot to mention that every time I have a particularly good session, I always have to pee after. Yes...these sessions are that releasing on all sorts of levels as the body lets go.I had another interesting thing happen in that usually I don't answer the phone when I'm breathing, but my daughter called and I knew it was important so I answered it. What was interesting to me about it was that when I put the headphones back on, I went dizzy/disoriented and it took awhile to correct. It felt like the music was influencing my brain waves. Never had that happen before. Trippy stuff. Although I had the bowl, ready to vomit, I, again, spontaneously caught my breath when the sensation came up. This time, however, I was able to catch it after the first impulse and just feel/breathe it through....not fighting the sensation, just allowing it all and breathing into it more. It feels really cool the way my body is responding energetically. The mor...

Days 18-20
2007-10-02 06:08:00
I'm utterly fascinated by this nausea thing that happened last week. I had it again, twice today.It happens when I'm in deep body trance....right on the edge of almost asleep but hovering while still breathing strongly. Then I bolt up with strong feelings of being right on the verge of vomiting. As I'm so deep, my body reaction is to sit up and make sure I don't vomit on the carpet. And then I get frustrated because I don't want to stop the flow of energy, either. Tomorrow, I'll bring a bowl so I hopefully don't slow it down again but just let the impluse flow to see what's there (if it shows up).Even though I stopped myself, when I laid back down, I breathed into it and felt more energy moving. After focusing on opening and bringing life to the Belly, I noticed that there was lots of energy flowing from my heart. It stayed strong for a couple of hours.The last two days I was traveling so did breathe but only for short periods, just to the point of happy bliss feelings.My mi...
More About: Days

Days 16, 17
2007-09-29 04:31:00
Yesterday's session was gentle. Not much to speak of. I find that when I do the sessions in different rooms, I have a different experience. The one room where the experiences are more intense is darker, more private, feels more cocoonish. Today's started off a bit scattered but then I got into it. Immediately felt heat prickles in my upper chest. The tenderness that was there two days ago had peaked yesterday and is almost gone today. The breathing got strong, but I decided to not push it as I still feel like my body is integrating the earlier sessions this week. I did have nice out of body trance stuff, some slight nausea, but it subsided when I breathed into it and expanded that area with the breath. I am noticing these past two days that I am quick to have intense emotional responses to people...I am less patient. That's not like me. It passes pretty quickly and makes no sense, but there it is. All in all, pretty quiet on the western front, stuff gently brewing. Image from here
More About: Days

Day 15
2007-09-26 22:17:00
Wow...Holy Kamoly this sure is getting interesting to me. Today's session was unlike any I've experienced in any of the breathwork sessions I've done this round or the many I've done in the past.I began thinking it wouldn't be anything intense, wondering if my body would still be bubbling from a few days before. Then the breath started to breathe me. What I mean by that is that it just went into its own rhythm instead of me trying to make it harder or faster.At first, mind thought to "work on" the third chakra as that was what came up yesterday. But then I felt the most bizarre thing....never felt it before. It was like a rolling flutter of energy (man this stuff is so difficult to describe) started a bit above my heart moving outward and down my hands. It kept happening. I just continued to breathe and feel, but then it felt like Body wanted more assistance. So I began a thymus tap. This is the endocrine gland located above the heart which is pretty shriveled up by adulthood. ...

Day 14- Being Gentle With Myself
2007-09-25 20:56:00
Whenever I coach folks in breathwork, I always end the sessions reminding people to be gentle with themselves. To go slowly through the next few days, holding themselves like they would a child. I caution them to put as little on their plates as possible and to just be with all that bubbles up in awarnesses and openings. That shiftings will occur over the course of the next few weeks or so, so to just follow your inner guidance as to what you'll need. Yesterday I stayed in trance pretty much all day. The only things Body wanted to eat were a few fruits and Miso. My lungs felt like they went all the way to my pubic bone and I found myself doing deep sighs every so often. I was in a haze all day, coming out only when I drove to do a few errands...which I probably shouldn't have done, but did. I easily slipped into trance again when I arrived back home. I continued to feel energetic swirling, got weepy a few times so just cried at the state of the world. Not me, personally, just our...
More About: Gentle , Gent

Days 11-13
2007-09-25 01:12:00
Day 11's meditation was nothing to write about, so I didn't. Just breathed, felt. Nothing big.Yesterday on Day 12, I did a short session as I spent from 9am - 4:30 doing a daylong Vipassana Meditation retreat with John Travis. The breathing session, again was not huge as it was short. But I figured it would suffice to get me "in the mood" meditatively, anyway.The day was lovely. I wondered if I could sit that long, as the last time I did that long a meditation was in 1996 when I did a ten day silent meditation retreat at the California Vipassana Center in North Fork as a gift to myself. I did fine. I experienced lots of that vibrating in my sixth chakra area when I would would scan my body for "energetic holdings onto" then clear it so all the energy would flow freely.We alternated between sitting and walking meditations, which was nice. I felt myself dive deep. It was a good thing.Then maybe because of yesterday, today's breathwork session was the most powerful since I've start...
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Day 9 + 10
2007-09-21 23:38:00
Was traveling on my fun abundance trip yesterday to San Francisco, so didn't have a chance to do the meditation. I missed it!! Today's was....interesting. The breathing didn't want to be as intense today, so instead of forcing, I just flowed with that. When I started to really let go, my hands were drawn to my back on the left sacro-iliac joint..my body decided it wanted to lie down on its side and massage that area. As hands massaged they moved down a bit and went to strong sciatic blockage. OUCH!!! GAAAA!!! As I worked it, and just continued to follow my impulses, I rolled over on my back with my knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Then I made fists with each hand and put them smack dab into the sciatic nerves on each side of the pelvis. Then body started an undulating motion, with each side, in its turn, very sore as it bore down on the knuckles to knead that area. Not sure how long I was doing that, but it was for a good portion of the CD..probably almost half of it (20-30 mi...

Day 8- Abundance, The Body And The Past
2007-09-19 19:26:00
Right off the bat, I could tell the mind was racing today as I'm getting ready to leave for a night's adventure with a dear companion.When I coach people, I often suggest that they ask a question or put out a prayer so they can receive answers during the session...then to let it go and see what comes up. Today my question was a wondering what my blocks are to outrageous financial abundance.I am Blessed in this area. I've definitely been through scary times, but my overall belief is that, in the end, I am always taken care of. I flashed on this book I once read called "The Trick To Money Is Having Some." It was a hilarious book about personal growth folk (he is one of them) and how it's often difficult for us to manifest big money. The author's thoughts were that it's harder for those on a spiritual path to be outrageously abundant because we put so much on it, bring so much conflicted energy to it that we put up blocks to it. I'm not in angst around money right now, but I am ...
More About: Body , Abundance , Past , The Body