Emotional Abuse and Your Faith

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Prayers for Tina Anderson Today!
2011-05-22 17:22:00
Prayers for Tina Anderson as they start the trial Monday Morning!
More About: Prayers , Today

I Believe You Faith Documentary
2011-01-12 02:01:00
I recently saw on PASCH an announcement about a TV special called, "I Believe You". This documentary approaches domestic violence and the Faith Community.  Can I say IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! Check your local listing.  Below is the trailer: If you can't see video click here.
More About: Documentary

The Spin Zone of Patriarchy
2011-01-12 01:44:00
I have spoken before about how I have noticed that certain segments of the faith community have labeled anything that has to do with equality as feminism. It is strange to me how people in certain circles claim that equality has to do with 'sameness'.  When they say this I think of Mathematics myself. Lets look at an equation made up of different parts, and yet are equal. (3+1)=(2+2) You notice both sides of the equal side add up the number 4.  Does that mean that 1,2 and 3 are the same?  No, yet the equation above is equal.  Does that mean 2+2 is trying to be 3+1?  No, yet they are equal. Its funny how people can point out the differences between the equations, and realize that both equal 4.  They both equal the same number, and yet both sides represent different numbers adding up to 4.   When we were all young in our Math classes in school we learned to recognize the fact these types of equations are different but are equal.  It...
More About: Patriarchy , Spin , Dogma

Follow The Leader Attitude
2011-01-03 14:00:00
The other day I was speaking to the well known author, Jocelyn Andersen.  I remember I was telling her that I was a bit disturbed about the fact when I read articles on major Christian websites about domestic violence - they are genetic.  They generally say the same thing over, and over again.  To me there is no meat and potatoes there at all. WELL someone upstairs must have been listening to me, because an article was placed in my email box today.  Christian Today had an article called, Towards an effective church response to domestic abuse. ?Restored is driven forward by two questions,? says Peter. ?Where is the church and where are the men?? The resource, Ending Domestic Abuse, is an attempt to answer the first question. It?s still being drafted and the final version is expected to come out sometime in 2011. The answer to the second question is a new campaign to be launched in the next few months, First Man Standing. As the name suggests, the campaign is c...
More About: Attitude , Entitlement

Domestic Violence - I didn't KNOW!
2010-12-29 14:00:00
Pastor speaking to member I have to admit over the years I have heard more comments about the church's reactions AFTER the relationships had been destroyed by domestic violence.  Some have the opportunity to speak with their pastor, and they said to them 'I didn't know!" I just have to shake my head. Sadly, about a year ago I remember reading a story about a pastor that decided to truly listen after a victim was killed by the abuser.  I can't even imagine the guilt he must feel, and how that truly shook his world.  He spoke about it, and how he was trained to make sure to keep the 'preservation of family' always in mind.  After the circumstance of murder happened his view on domestic violence within the church changed drastically. Preservation of Family Does the church realize that victims of domestic violence also cherish preservation of family? People have this idea in their head that if separation or divorce happens they are a hypocrite for saying s...
More About: Domestic , Violence

Egalitarian Beliefs neuter gender differences?
2010-12-27 14:00:00
Example of Neuter Gender Differences One thing that tends to come up ever so often that I can never seem to wrap my head around is the concept about people wanting to 'neuter' gender differences. How is that possible - to neuter gender differences?  It isn't as far as I know. By the time we are a young child we tend to realize the differences, and everyone acknowledges them for the rest of our lives.  There is no way to 'neuter' this. I have to admit some complementarian views do make me giggle when they speak about egalitarians views of the human race.  I realize it makes others upset, but to me its so ridiculous I find it rather humorous. You see, when people are truly committed and consistent egalitarians, they have to defend their denial of essential differences. In doing so, they will advocate a education system in the home, church, and society which neutralizes any assumption of differences between the sexes. In doing so, men will not be trained to b...
More About: Beliefs , Gender Differences

Merry Christmas!
2010-12-23 15:54:00
I loved this Christmas Video, and I wanted to share with everyone! I pray that you all have a blessed holiday! Hannah

Think the Best of Them!
2010-12-15 14:00:00
My last post I wrote about an article I had found online that did a book review for 'No Place For Abuse". I received a comment, and additional issues started to pop into my head.  How regular advice turns into actual enabling of the abusive relationship.  Here is the excellent comment in question. Hannah, a supportive friend sent me that article before I left my abusive relationship. At that time, I was thrilled that a Christian article endorsed separation, because my advice was that I could not or should not separate. But reading another article on the site (gotquestions.org) about divorce for abuse concerned me. Although there isn't anywhere to respond or comment, there are contact details so you can write to them. That's what I did, and my concerns were exactly what you referred to. It is incredible how people dismiss the experience of the abused victim and deny her the right to judge or observe the abusers' changes. Her safety is also discounted, with th...

No Place For Abuse
2010-12-13 14:00:00
One of the very first faith related books I read on domestic violence within the church was 'No Place For Abuse ' by Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark.  I was reminded again about this book, but I was far from crazy about the description or review. I remember I was flooded at the time with mixed messages within the faith community that I couldn't figure out WHAT was WHAT!  It was clear to me right away that most didn't realize the impact this has on everyone involved.  I remember doing searches for domestic violence in the church, and very little besides the list of abusive behaviors was present at that time. Thankfully, that has changed in some ways today.  I started this blog at the time, because I wanted to keep track of what 'little' material there was available. I looked for this book on Amazon today, and the book cover is different now.  Focus Ministries  sent this to me after I spoke with them on the phone.  I remember s...
More About: Domestic abuse

Diversion and Smoke Screens
2010-12-08 23:23:00
I was reading a summary of Egalitarian and Complementarian views written by Bruce Ware.  I don't know about anyone else, but this man reminds of a politician.   Someone brings up an objection to something they hold dear, and they claim they will explain their position.  Politicians know how to spin things so they don't actually answer anything.  They throw out diversion and smokescreens. Objection: This complementarian understanding is in reality a fully hierarchical view, with women subordinate to men, and as such it is intolerable and contrary to the freedom of the gospel. While it claims to uphold the  essential equality of women with men, it in fact leads inevitably to seeing women as inferior, as second-class citizens, who are not as important to God and His purposes as are men. Response: Would you feel the same way about a parent/child relationship? Or of the relationship between an employee and his/her supervisor? Do you believe we should e...
More About: Smoke , Dogma

Women Keep Silent!
2010-12-06 14:00:00
1 Corinthians 14I was watching a very interesting video clip on youtube that someone had pointed out.  Paul was speaking with the church in Corinth.  I'm sure most of us realize at that point there was no actual church building, and services were held in different places.  It must have been an exciting and scary time all bundled into one. 1 Corinthians 14:23-25 GNB  (23)  If, then, the whole church meets together and everyone starts speaking in strange tongues---and if some ordinary people or unbelievers come in, won't they say that you are all crazy?  (24)  But if everyone is proclaiming God's message when some unbelievers or ordinary people come in, they will be convinced of their sin by what they hear. They will be judged by all they hear,  (25)  their secret thoughts will be brought into the open, and they will bow down and worship God, confessing, "Truly God is here among you!"I have to admit I think Paul has a point here.&nb...
More About: Women , Silent

Modesty - its much more than clothes
2010-12-01 14:00:00
I remember as a young girl the town next door just opened a sports center. My parents felt it would be a great idea for myself, and my brother to learn how to play tennis. The next thing I know I got a tennis racket for my birthday with Billie Jean King's autograph on it. It was actually pretty exciting for me at the time. I remember the first day for my very FIRST tennis lesson. It was summer time, and my brother and I walked everywhere - or rode our bikes. I had my tennis racket in hand, and my tennis outfit my mother got me as well. I walked along the busy streets on the sidewalk to get to the indoor sports center where my lessons were being held. The next thing I know is a car full of men were whistling and cat calling out to me. At that point I had already hit the area where there were many stores, and I remember this surge of fear at the time. I was looking around for a place of safety, and was afraid to finish my walk to the sports center for my lesson. The next...
More About: Clothes , Modesty

Tickle for Tuesday!
2010-11-30 14:00:00
This is a quick 25 second video, but make sure you to keep your eyes BEHIND the men that are flying the plane!

People that redefine abuse for motive
2010-11-29 14:00:00
Look out for teachers that redefine words and concepts! It seems we need to find a way to separately define common abuse (a general failure to love as we ought) and damaging abuse (serious, habitual harm to another person). For instance, if a man neglects or speaks unkindly to his wife (and this goes both ways) he has in fact abused her. She was given to him to love and cherish; yet, he has failed to love her as he loves himself. And in a husband?s case, he has also failed to love her as Christ loved the church. He has sinned. He should repent and win back his wife?s trust. Still, most of us would not view him as an ?abuser.? We can?t go around labeling every person who sins against others an ?abuser,? unless we?re willing to claim that label for ourselves as well (Romans 2:1-3). The first paragraph assumes that most of the world doesn?t recognize a ?pattern of behavior? when speaking about abusive behavior. The author herself as taken it upon herself to 'redefine' the word, a...
More About: Abuse , People

Deceitful Practice of Educating on Abuse
2010-11-24 17:19:00
I have noticed in some circumstances in which people speak about abuse they tend to ?generalize? it, or even try to incorporate everything they see sinful into the definition.  You might ask WHY they would do this, and I have begun to see a pattern.  They do this so they don?t have to deal with what they seem to see as more ?minor? offenses to them.   They twist the definition to show that ?everyone? is guilty.  That way it can be addressed in a more general manner, and dealt with as such as well.    HOW everyone can be sinful at one time or another, and downright hinting how everyone can be abusive. The strange part of that is then they generally go into HOW the word abuse is over used.  What do they think they just did themselves? Pattern of Behavior What they seem to not deal with is the part of the definition that speaks of ?pattern?.  There is a pattern of behavior.   They take an individual that may have done something ...
More About: Abuse , Practice

Tickle for Tuesday!
2010-11-23 16:28:00
I was catching up with some of my reading this morning, and  A Wife's Submission had this video posted on her site. While we can giggle at this you also feel a ring of sadness as well.

Christian Authority is Freedom
2010-11-22 14:00:00
One of the huge differences that I see within the church is the meaning of authority. We see to often that the church tends to use a worldly use of the authority, and the use of enforcement of that authority. Jesus spoke more than once against that type of authority, and his actions back that up! Mark 10 There is a couple of times within Mark 10 that Jesus is trying to get across the type of authority he had in mind. This type of authority tends to go against the grain for us humans, or if you will definition of how you and I may define it. Mark 10:13 One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. 14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, ?Let the children come to me. Don?t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn?t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will ...
More About: Freedom , Christian , Authority , Suffering

Headship - A Monster Of Their Own Making
2010-11-17 14:00:00
Greetings!  My last post started at the beginning of Philippians 2, and how the nature of Jesus was described.  How we are to follow his example to the best of our ability, and how some in the headship crowd treat that portion of scripture with disdain. Philippians 2  5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:  6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing    by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,    being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man,    he humbled himself    by becoming obedient to death?       even death on a cross! Jesus did not use his equality with God to his own advantage.  Yes, it seems the bible used that 'dirty' word.  Equality and Mutuality are not intended to ?take? or ?give? power....
More About: Monster , Entitlement

Someone has to be in CHARGE!
2010-11-15 14:00:00
I was watching a discussion about 'headship'. The term isn't in the bible, and I have noticed that certain circles have placed the word 'biblical' in front of it to make it sound 'holy' I guess. On the one side all it bubbled down to the phrase, "Someone has to be in charge!? That would be Jesus, but that is not what was meant within their conversation of course. Unfortunately, some men make their position as they see it anyway - as some sort of power grab.  You see it and feel it within their responses when they must remind others WHOM is in charge - whom the HEAD is, etc. To me I see projection in their response.  They normally state how the current culture is telling women if they aren?t in a position OVER men they are seen as a doormat.  I see quite the opposite.  You can see how they must feel like a doormat if they are not seen as OVER someone. Mutuality isn?t ?power over? someone.  When there is mutuality there is no doormat. The bible st...
More About: Charge

Agunah is to stay chained
2010-11-03 13:00:00
I was directly recently to an article called, "Why are Christian Divorce Rates so High?" In that article they mentioned the term 'agunah' or literally translated is 'chained woman'.  The man had the power to desert the family, and leave her without the 'get' or divorcement.  She was what they term as the chained women to the man, because she was not allowed to remarry at that point. If she did remarry she was looked upon as adulterous, and her offspring were literally labeled as illegitimate or bastards. What isn't mentioned so much is that men also had this position laid upon them, but the consequences were not as severe. What you don't see today in the church?  Is the proper definition of  'putting away' and 'divorce'.  If you 'put away' your wife she was 'chained' to the man.  If he gave the woman a 'get' she was no longer chained, and was free to remarry. Putting away was a big problem, and the 'get' was a form of mercy. ...
More About: Suffering

Tickle for Tuesday!
2010-11-02 13:16:00
My son found this one.  Its funny!

Hear me roar in numbers too big to ignore
2010-11-01 13:00:00
I was writing about Mary Kassian presentation, "You've come a long way Baby!" from the '08 True Women's Conference.  Part Four I am going to breeze through quickly. Part One , Part Two, Part Three She used a good example of what Consciousness raising was.  That is where she left off the last time. Consciousness-raising was actually a political technique used by the revolutionary army of Mao Tse-tung. His slogan was, ?Speak bitterness to recall bitterness. Speak pain to recall pain.? To promote discord and instability in a village, his political revolutionaries would call the townswomen together and get them to talk about their hurts. ?Come tell me about the hurts that you've experienced.? So the women were encouraged to speak bitterness and pain, and the initial reluctance gave way to collective anger as woman after woman told stories of being raped by landlords, being sold as concubines, or physical abuse. As women vented their bitterness, they experience...
More About: Hear , Numbers , Entitlement

The Second WAVE..for Mary Kassian
2010-10-27 18:10:00
We will move on to Part Three of Mary Kassian's You've Come A Long Way Baby. Part Two is HERE.   Part One is HERE She now gets into what some people consider the roots of the 2nd rave of Feminism. The Revolution She continues by speaking of Simone de Beauvoir. In 2009 her book The Second Sex was revised, and released as an anniversary issue. It was revised because there was huge chucks of the book that was mistranslated, and it was not true to what her points were.  Please note: I'm not sure that was available at the time this lecture was given. In the chapter "Woman: Myth and Reality" of The Second Sex, Beauvoir argued that men had made women the "Other" in society by putting a false aura of "mystery" around them. She argued that men used this as an excuse not to understand women or their problems and not to help them, and that this stereotyping was always done in societies by the group higher in the hierarchy to the group lower in the hierarchy. She wro...
More About: Entitlement

What is the one thing you can't say in Church?
2010-10-25 14:00:00
I was reading an article called, "Why it is so hard to be broken in church?"  When I was looking the title of this blog post?  I'm sure people could up with volumes of items that would not be proper to speak of in church. Danny Silk said: For whatever reason, we?ve come to expect that church is a place where there isn?t going to be any sin. It is just not true. If we don?t know how to deal with sin, then we don?t know how to deal with people. We inevitably create a culture of law in order to keep people from sinning. The message of this culture is, ?Contain your sin within yourself. Don?t show it to me; I can?t handle it.? Remember, this was the Pharisees? line. They were famous for being afraid of sin, largely due to the fact that the only remedy for sin in their day was various degrees of punishments. The fear of punishment ruled their hearts, relationships, and culture. Jesus, on the other hand, had a group of unlikely companions. They were the thieves, tax collect...
More About: Church

Tickle for Tuesday!
2010-10-22 21:05:00
I was having a hard time reading the words. I love it - giggles! Ephesians 5:22-24 First Picture: The Bible says, the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Second Picture: So, Basically, you have to treat me like Jesus! Third Picture: This is not funny, Rose!

Counsel of Doctrine instead of Mercy
2010-10-17 23:08:00
There are some days I can be so strong, and others times I feel like maybe I just bury myself and give up. I pray that I never become to so closed minded that I can't see and feel the pain of others.  I hope others will point out when I'm being to non chalet about other people's issues. Goodness knows when you are dealing with domestic violence within the church - or any faith to be honest it seems - you know and live that pain of being ignored and silenced. So many men, woman and children have been scarred by this.  So many have left the faith, and others rode out on a rail when they couldn't numb their broken heart.  I was catching up on my reading, and twittering some articles and such.  I came across some good articles, and those that just broke me up. I just don't understand WHY people place such huge barriers up to NOT understand a family's pain.  I get so tired of fighting, and yet I feel this is something I have been truly called to do. ...

Be June Cleaver not Murphy Brown!
2010-10-13 14:00:00
I wanted to move to the Next Video from a previous True Women's Conference.  The last portion I spoke about Part One - You've Come a Long Way Baby! Mary Kassian states that the Leave it to Beaver had been replaced by The Mary Tyler Moore show. By the late 1960s, the image of June Cleaver being happy at home in her role as wife and mother were gone by the wayside, replaced by the 1970s Mary Tyler Moore image of a pretty, single woman in her 30s pursuing a career at a television station. The show was lauded as a breakthrough because it had the first, independent, attractive career woman as the center. It discreetly implied that Mary was single. She was on the pill. She was also sexually active, but the focus of the show was on her career, not on her association with men. She truly was on her own, without a recurring father or husband or boyfriend or anyone looking out for her. Every episode, the theme song proudly alluded to her autonomy. ?You're gonna make it af...
More About: Brown , Domestic abuse

Tickle for Tuesday
2010-10-12 14:00:00
Today I wanted to show a TICKLE for Tuesday! My daughter and her friends video taped my 14 year old Siamese taking on our 6 month old lab puppy at the time. The cat has no claws in the front, and the puppy thinks its funny when he bats him in the face. This was one of the rare times the cat HAD enough, and surprised the puppy by nipping him! The puppy to this day still realizes WHO the top dog is, and it isn't HIM! Characters:

We have come a long way BABY!
2010-10-12 01:35:00
I was viewing some items on youtube, and came across the video sessions of the Mary Kassian: True Woman '08 Conference, "You've Come A Long Way, Baby !". To me they sprinkled some truth, and then twisted to make it sound good. She mentions she grew up during the time she speaks about. I grew up then as well, and I noticed she doesn't bring up the 'not so great' portions of that era. I am WOMAN hear me ROAR! Mary Kassian stated she remembers singing the song, "I am Woman", and I will admit I remembering singing it myself. I guess to say it made me feel a bit empowered at the time would say I swallowed the entire women's movement hook, line and sinker right? I must have gone over to the radical, extreme feminist's view of viewing the world! Ahem. Wrong! I was a child back then, and when all this was going on? WELL let me give you a couple of giggles about that: I wanted to play baseball on the leagues with the boys. I wanted it so bad I could TASTE it! I couldn't becau...

No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry
2010-09-22 15:25:00
Freedom for Christian Women Coalition having busy uploading the videos from their conference.  Its nice to be able to see these men and women in action, and able to watch the expression, body language that doesn't always come across as well in writing.  I have problems with buffering at times with videos online.  Buffering in short means when the video stops and starts all the time, and it basically annoys me having to wait.  People will be getting me so excited, and BAM right in the middle their sentence I have to WAIT 10 million years for the video to finish loading to hear them finish!  Isn't that annoying? On VIMEO they have uploaded entire segments of the program they put on, and they also mentioned this site has a section where you can download them.  Keep in mind that video downloads can be pretty large, and you may wish to burn it to a DVD or delete once you are done viewing. Here is the link to the Freedom for Christian Women Coalition's...
More About: Questions , Tolerance