Emotional Abuse and Your Faith

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YOU can only change YOURSELF, but is that what they are really saying?
2009-11-04 23:29:00
IBelieve.com or some people use crosswalk.com recently had one of their Administrator's post an article in the marriage section.  The article was called, "Domestic Violence within the Church: The Ugly Truth".  The article speaks of what most Christians would feel is a myth about domestic violence within the church walls. A portion of the article read: George sites a survey in which nearly 6,000 pastors were asked how they would counsel women who came to them for help with domestic violence. Twenty-six percent would counsel them the same way Marleen's pastor did: to continue to "submit" to her husband, no matter what. Twenty-five percent told wives the abuse was their own fault?for failing to submit in the first place. Astonishingly, 50 percent said women should be willing to "tolerate some level of violence" because it is better than divorce. To say that some were stunned by the results is understatement.  I can't blame them, because to be honest I would have felt...
More About: Change

Possible sources for help for emotional abuse
2009-11-04 14:48:00
Possible sources of other types of help Safety Plans - Always good to look at more than one! Sanctuary for the Abuse d - Separation Safety Plan Abigails Safety Plan - .pdf file Focus Ministries Safety Plan - .pdf file Abuse Devotionals, writing, Poems by: Jacky Hughes ARIN WHOIS Database Search - look up IP addresses Emotional Abuse Good information about emotional Abuse NCADV Freecycle - Helpful resource if looking for free household items Legal Decisions Article Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board Information on PTSD The Weaker Vessel - Abuser Database Read Notify - tells you IP address and location of person sent it, etc. Stalking Help Resource Free Hugs - Makes you feel better!

Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence
2009-11-03 03:29:00
Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video - MPEG Link Interesting Comments on Forgiving When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence ..Direct Video Link at bottom When Apologies are Dangerous - link at Bottom of post Forgiveness - What is it? Detours: Domestic Violence Sermon Taking a Break From Words Sermon
More About: Faith , Domestic abuse

Abuse you can see and hear
2009-11-03 03:28:00
Examples of Abuse , Definitions of Abuse  Examples Without Remorse Verbal Abuse of Children Caught on Tape Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super Nanny Do you realize what your words can do? Definitions Children of Uxoricide - when one parent kills the other Emotional Abuse Good information about emotional Abuse Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board Information on PTSD Teen Abuse - covers both genders
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Shows and Movies for Abuse Support
2009-11-03 03:26:00
Shows and Movies SHOWS Victim of Emotional Abuse Speaks out on the TODAY show. approx 9 minutes Toxic Relationships on Today Show. approx 8 minutes Toxic Relationships on Today Show PT II. approx 9 minutes Hidden Victims of Domestic Voilence (Discovery Education Channel) 35 min. Robin Givens Talks about Faith and Domestic Violence Sacred Silence (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min. 20/20 Segment on domestic abuse Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super NannyChild Abuse: Family Matters (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min. MOVIES Breaking the Silence - Children's Stories of Domestic Violence The Color Purple What's Love Got To Do With It Gospel of John Day 1 Gospel of John - Day 2 Gospel of John - Day 3 Facing the Giants Cry for Help - The Tracy Thurman Story
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Music
2009-11-03 03:25:00
Music Links Adrenaline Big House Chris Tomlin - Indescribable Newsboys - He Reigns Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace Mariah Carey - Side Effects American Idol - Shout to the Lord Cry Out To Jesus Held How Far is Heaven Jesus Loves You Whitney Houston Kelly Clarkson - Because of you Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me Mariah Carey - Side Effects with Lyrics Newsboys - He Reigns Toni Childs - I've got to go now
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Blogs and Websites for Abuse
2009-11-03 02:24:00
Blogs and Websites Because It Matters Sanctuary for the Abuse d Submission Tyranny in Church and Society Adventures in Mercy Quivering Daugthers Woman Submit Not Under Bondage Battered Husband Support Husband Abuse Blog What about when Mom's the Abuser Heart 2 Heart For Battered Men Hotline For Men
More About: Blogs , Domestic abuse

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations
2009-11-03 02:19:00
Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations Broken People Dorcas Network Faith Trust Institute Focus Ministries JSafe or Jewish Institute PASCH - Peace and Safety Rave - Religion and Violence eLearning
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Hannah's Socks - What a Blessing!
2009-11-02 15:45:00
What a cute child isn't she?  This is little Hannah of Hannah's socks! Hannah was a small girl and while helping her mother volunteer at a shelter one day noticed a man with torn shoes, and no socks at all.  She asked her mother if it was okay to give her socks to the man. From the mouths of babes Hannah's Socks organization was started! 2009 Sock CountCollected: 50,000 pairs Our Goal: 60,000 pairs That is the count so far for the year, and this organization would love your help!  They donate the socks to homeless shelters, and also domestic violence shelters as well.  Such a small thing that most of us don't think about as we take for granted our pairs of socks. Volunteering at homeless shelters and organizations like this can be a very life changing experience for anyone.  I used to go with my parents as a child as well.  My father and I would take his plants that were overgrown, and repot them into smaller containers to bring with us when w...

Recommended Reading For Emotional Abuse
2009-11-02 03:59:00
Book Recommendations - If you have suggestions please share! Behind the Hedge Written by Waneta Dawn Google Preview of Behind the Hedge Waneta's Blog Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society Book Description: Yearning for a warm and loving marriage, Yvette works hard as a housewife and on their Iowa dairy farm to satisfy her husband, Luke, and tries to motivate him to be a loving and caring husband and father. But hidden behind his charming public facade, Luke is critical and demands more submission. With the help of her friend, Delores, Yvette grapples with the meaning and application of Biblical submission to her husband, changes how she relates to her husband, and endeavors to correct the misbeliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle. Luke indoctrinates his wife and children on the meaning of submission and obedience. But one day he goes too far. Will their marriage survive the storm? Will Luke become the warm and loving husband Yvette craves? Will their daughter, Tany...
More About: Abuse , Reading

Zero-Tolerance on Domestic Violence Within the Church
2009-10-27 19:17:00
Creekside Ministries wrote an article Called, A Zero Tolerance Level. I have to tell you in my little naive world as a same child? I always assumed that the church 'had that' no questions asked because that is how it is there! When I grew older I knew there were taboo subjects that you need to approach lightly. In the environment that I grew up in? I already felt I wasn't capable of it, or so I thought. I would throw out small hints, and if they didn't follow up? I just wasn't justified. When I grew to an adult I knew some subjects you just didn't bring up at all, unless you could show you are almost a Saint! They were going to look at my every move, attitude, and it seemed to me like a hunting trip for that one sin they could hang their hat on. The Ministries first quote: I have a zero-tolerance level for abuse in any form. It is always sin. It is a completely inappropriate reaction to stress, frustration, demands, disappointments, others' behavior. There are no e...
More About: Church , Domestic , Domestic abuse , Violence

Not in my CHURCH!
2009-10-22 15:45:00
I was doing a little reading the other night, and I came across the blog called Duh Daily Scoop. The author reprinted an article by By Valerie Strauss of the Washington Post. The article was called, "A Call for Clergy to Spotlight Domestic Abuse".Glenn F. Ivey is a State's Attorney for Maryland, and he wanted to get out the word about domestic violence. As we know October is Domestic Violence Month in the United States, and he made a couple of calls to the churches so they could take the lead. He figured it would be a 'slam dunk' as they call it. It will be an easy sell! HOW hard could this be right?"But no, I heard things like: 'Brother, it's a little hot to talk about that one.' Or, 'Well, I'll take it up, and we'll form a task force and get back to you.' . . . And then there are churches where the response to the victim is, 'You have to stick it out.' "Glenn Ivey is a man that wishes to help the 'weaker vessel' within churches, and the church basically turned ...
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John Piper - Blinders for Biblical Roles!
2009-09-21 16:13:00
I have question for everyone, and would love to hear from theories.For some reason I started this huge fire storm with my article about John Piper and how his ignorance is killing children. I have dealt with a number of families, and their children within those families. The children it seems are the silent victims. There are a number of churches that are truly coming around, and realizing their error when dealing with domestic violence. I have found in part it was due to them participating with this dynamic within their church. First being relieved at what seemed to be true repentance, but once the hard work to truly allow God to change the mindset of the abuser? All Hell breaks lose, and they quickly found themselves sitting their stunned wondering where that 'true repentance' went!What happened to the tears and 'I will never do that again?" The 'I want to CHANGE!" It was to overwhelming for the abusers. Just like real life is, and they responded in the way they always ...
More About: Biblical , John Piper

Chris Brown - Mindset of Domestic Violence
2009-09-18 15:50:00
I was asked to put the series in one post for people.Part One Chris Brown , Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!Part Three Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS nowPart Four Chris Brown I'm NOT a monster!
More About: Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence

TOOLS for change! Who is ready?
2009-09-17 21:40:00
I was reading a story of a women recently, and how she is dealing with the guilt of never telling her father she loved him before he passed away. The dynamics of her childhood were not of a kisses and loads of hugs atmosphere. If I were guessing there was a true lack of that, and that to a child is a sense of comfort. We all know some people just aren't capable of it for some reason, but it sounds like this and other dynamics caused distance between her and father during her childhood.It sounds in part like a familiar story of a young girl rebelling, and finding herself abused, abandoned, and pregnant. She was struggling at this point, and trying to get her life back on track. The distanced relationship with her father changed one day with a phone call. He wanted to help, and first and foremost? He wanted to babysit that grandchild, and wanted HER to go out and do something for herself. She needed a break, and he clearly saw that. It was the start of their rebuilding, rene...
More About: Tools , Change , Suffering , Ready

Submissive Wife? Sacrificing Husband??
2009-09-15 23:47:00
Over at Reflections of a Mirror blog was a man that did a piece call the The Submissive Wife ? I had to giggle because his introduction the article included making sure you paid attention the question mark at the end of the title, "The Submissive wife???"He did poke fun at some that believe that Ephesians 5:22 seems to be the only sentence with any true meaning in that entire passage. We have all heard it ourselves - Wifes Submit to your husbands! I could tell he was off to a good start with a bit of sarcasm:There you have it, wives- do whatever your husband says. Guys, wouldn?t that be awesome? To have slaves that have to do what we tell them to do? I mean, how incredibly boring would that be? Never fight, never argue, never have a complicated discussion. Never be interrupted while the NFL is on. Never have to worry about her feelings or her opinions. Never wonder if she will make you breakfast, lunch and dinner, because, well, she has too right? It?s in the Bible.(giggle...
More About: Domestic abuse , Husband

Chris Brown I'm NOT a monster!
2009-09-11 19:25:00
This is last part regarding the interview with Larry King and Chris Brown . I'm pointing out the traits of the abuser, and how they act when they get caught abusing!If you would like to see the other parts of the series:Part One Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!Part Three Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS nowChris Brown's demeanor changed a bit at the beginning of this portion of the interview.He claims he still loves her at the beginning of the interview. I have no doubt he does still love her in his own way. He hasn't got the help he needs to recognize a healthy type of love yet.I think most anyone would feel sorrow once a person they love moves on to a new relationship. He won't be stalking her to much with the media following him. You can bet the minute she gets hot and heavy with someone else it will fuel the media once again. Sigh. I think that is the nature of the beast.He may not be in a relationship at this point, but you c...
More About: Monster

Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS now
2009-09-10 20:03:00
We are going to take a look at part four of the Larry King interview with Chris Brown . This is part three of our series WE are FRIENDS now!Part One Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!He mentions how when they went to his friend's house after the domestic violence situation it wasn't to 'rekindle the relationship', but to build the 'friendship' back up. It was like Romeo and Juliet trying to get together as they were kept apart. Huh?How many healthy people in the world would wish to rekindle their friendship after someone beats the living snot out of them...and NOT talk about what happened during that time? How they are just there to 'relax', and just be friends. LOL How you just get together JUST for that, and not feel just a bit awkward? He claims it wasn't at all! Reasonable people would feel awkward don't you think?WHY DID YOU DO THAT?She never asked WHY he beat her up, and he never mentioned it due to him 'not rememb...
More About: Friends

Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!
2009-09-09 19:06:00
This is a second series in which I wanted to write about Chris Brown and his interview with Larry King. Chris Brown, his Mother and Denial was my first part.IT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!Chris Brown's reaction towards the beginning of the interview is pretty typical. In most cases abusers will NOT admit when things happened before, but when they get caught like he did? THAT was the first time! The relationship was pretty normal beforehand.I realize people will RUSH to say the incidents that are mentioned were never proven. If it never happened would you react like he did? "I don't remember that happening." Most people will say, "THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" The lawyer stated that the probation people took those incidents from different reports, and placed it in the present report. THAT doesn't mean it never happened! OH AND they never spoke to either of the parties about this. Where did it come from then? Something was called to their attention, and if neither party told the prob...
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Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...
2009-09-08 20:20:00
I watched the Larry King interview with Chris Brown last night, and you could see the swell of denial that still is present. You can also see the typical response that alot of people see, and I hope that within time during their counseling times he/they become more enlightened than they seem to be now.There are HUGE differences between how he/she had to deal with things compared to most of us, but I saw alot of similar items as well.I skipped the first portion, because it was more of an introduction. If you would like to see it just click HEREFirst off I don't have an issue with him NOT wishing to go into details that night. I don't think it is his place, but is Rhianna's place if she wishes to go there. I understand a reporter HAS to ask, but I was glad he didn't choose to go into what happened between them. If I were guessing it was more his lawyer's input not to, because abusers do like to get that portion out. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.HE IS AN UNUSUAL ABUSER...
More About: Denial

Religious Abuse Religious Extremism
2009-09-04 21:40:00
As I struggle with my anger over the story of Jaycee Lee Dugard I read a story regarding Elizabeth Smart as well.In both cases, the accused abductor seems to have been motivated by religious extremism, Ed Smart said."It makes you angry that anyone would use God as an excuse to rationalize their predatory behavior," he said.It amazes me that most people can connect the dots with the religious abuse - among other forms of abuse - with these two ladies, but can't see the downright screwy thinking of the church regarding domestic violence of all forms.I mean they use GOD to rationalize the abusive behaviors towards family members ALL THE TIME!WORK ON YOURSELFI remember years back when I started on my journey of learning that I had experienced abuse. What I was living with was indeed abuse - verbal and emotional abuse. I didn't recognize the physical abuse right away. I assumed that getting the snot kicked out of me was the only form of physical abuse. I learned later that was inco...
More About: Abuse , Extremism , Religious

John Piper's Ignorance is Killing Children!
2009-09-02 05:56:00
I was over at Women In Ministry when I stumbled upon advice from John Piper regarding submission and abuse.If you would rather read the transcript please go to Women in Ministry site she has it there.The John Piper's in the world need to know that NOT only are the women of his church being damaged, but his STUPIDITY is also damaging the children! That is going to effect their future generations of the church, and their tithes to keep their doors open and help others.I'm sorry but I have to look at this man's body language first of all. His giggle at the beginning was offensive for one thing. Its not funny, but a very serious issue.When the women of his church that have been abused, and wake up and leave his church? John Piper is seriously going to wonder what happened. That's the sad part. The John Piper's of the world need to step up, and educate themselves on domestic violence within the church. They need to go to a faith based domestic violence organization, and spend...
More About: Children , Ignorance , Killing

Chris Brown and his Mother
2009-09-01 01:28:00
I saw a statement by Chris Brown 's mother, and it just took me back!Chris Brown's mother Joyce has released a statement, saying, "I just want to say from the bottom of my heart thank you for your continued support. I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone as this case was ongoing. I can now say this has been the most painful moment in my entire life, but knowing that you were still standing by Chris side in his time of need made this a little easier for us... I made a promise to him I would never be ashamed of him no matter where I am or who I talk to. You see this whole thing isn't about Chris it's about God. He wants to show all of you the goodness of him through Chris. Chris will be addressing all of his fans very soon. We love you so much and so does God."I have to wonder how she thinks this will happen? From where I sit right now this poor woman is in denial, and she can't help him from that position.If he can come to a place of full repentance, and that means more...
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Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship
2009-08-31 23:46:00
I was trying to reference something from Patricia Evan's The Verbally Abusive Relationship today, and WOW it seemed I saw some relations to how the church deal with verbal abuse.Since the verbal abuser needs to have Power Over his partner, he cannot accept her as an equal. He may, however, tell her that he does. Why can't he accept her as an equal? Because he would experience her equality as his inferiority. He would have to ask for what he wanted. He would be open to rejection. He would have to give up control and dominance. Control and dominance seem to give the abuser a sense of power, security and identity as a male.You know what this sounds like to me? It sounds like those speeches and preaches you hear about how we are both equal in God's eyes, but remember he is LEADER of the HOME! Remember the bibles says you are to SUBMIT to your husband! HECK some churches go one step further, and tell women they are to submit to men in general!Secure men of faith aren't goin...
More About: Evans

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil
2009-08-29 20:22:00
Jaycee Lee Dugard as many know by now has been found after 18 years. I was reading a story on Yahoo, and a few others about the fact people KNEW he was there with the children.The quotes from these neighbors and others just made me cry. You hear about the ONE call to the police - ONE in 18 years. It makes me sick.Its like the world has just decided that we just close our eyes, and stick to our own personal business. We can't get involved even with a anonymous call to the police. One person in 18 years did that. That fact makes me very angry! Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil!They are going to want to hang the police out to dry for missing things when they did come to the house, and never bothered going into the backyard where they were. We don't know all the circumstances around that yet, but you just watch no one will wish to look at all the others that blew things off as well.Damon Robinson has lived next door to the Garridos for more than three years and his then...
More About: Evil

Poems about Domestic Violence
2009-08-25 20:31:00
Domestic Violence and the Workplace and Pantagraph.com posted three poems of domestic violence on their sites.One truly hit me hard.What It Means To Be A VictimI am the beastWhich you have lain upon the alterAn offering to an angry GodI am the oneChosen for purity's sakeWhose throat will be slitAs my blood spills outAsk yourselfHave you come closer to God?Is God now happy?As my blood runs down the streetAsk yourselfCan we now find peace?Or must we come back to this alter?Again and againI am the oneThat sacrificial beastI think the church needs to FEEL this one so that we can stop the sacrificial alter calls.Years ago I wrote one myself called, "I can't" - a poem also the cycle domestic violence.
More About: Poems , Domestic , Domestic Violence

Submit to your husband
2009-08-24 20:17:00
I think I have made myself clear over the years that I don't believe that scripture should be used as weapons against your spouse. The gender isn't an issue here. Its a sin no matter who you are.Susan's Sunny Side... This is my life... had an article today that truly bothered me. The blogger herself didn't - it was the concept of the Irish Catholic Church wanting to change scripture. I won't say that I can't understand WHY they wish to do this when you look at domestic violence within the church, but I don't think I can agree that changing scripture is going to change attitudes.She mentions:I was to read that in August 2000, the Irish Catholic Church proposed dropping seven texts from a proposed new Lectionary because they "give an undesirably negative impression regarding women." The Irish Bishops' new Domestic Violence document recommended the following texts for deletion.Reading II Eph 5:21 - 32 or 5:2a, 25-32Brothers and sisters:Be subordinate to one another out of r...
More About: Submit , Husband

The Hiding Place
2009-08-14 23:09:00
I remember as a child by father took us to see this movie, and you can see interviews of Corrie Ten Boom online as well.Here is the trailer I found on youtube!The Ten Boom family were devoted Christians who dedicated their lives in service to their fellow man. Their home was always an "open house" for anyone in need. Through the decades the Ten Booms were very active in social work in Haarlem, and their faith inspired them to serve the religious community and society at large. During the Second World War, the Ten Boom home became a refuge, a hiding place, for fugitives and those hunted by the Nazis. By protecting these people, Casper and his daughters, Corrie and Betsie, risked their lives. This non-violent resistance against the Nazi-oppressors was the Ten Booms' way of living out their Christian faith. This faith led them to hide Jews, students who refused to cooperate with the Nazis, and members of the Dutch underground resistance movement.During 1943 and into 1944, there were u...
More About: Place , Suffering

Is the church a safe place to repent?
2009-08-05 04:01:00
The Internet Monk wrote in an article called, Is there a Place to Repent?I Corinthians 6:9-116: 9 Don?t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don?t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people?none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. -Paul the Apostle, First Letter to the CorinthiansHe spoke of how we have heard this scripture stated many times, and how you have heard if you don?t repent of those sins you will not inherit your place in Heaven. What he does say that makes a lot of sense to me is that the church at isn?t to welcoming to those on that rocky road to repentance. Once yo...
More About: Church , The Church , Safe

Not Ready To Make Nice
2009-07-26 03:10:00
I recently listened to the Dixie Chick's song, 'Not Ready To Make Nice '. To me the lyrics have a univeral meaning to them. I could relate to my stand on Emotional Abuse and Faith.To me it speaks about the things you hear alot about when you start to speak about the abuse within your home. Then you realize you have to make some breaks, because people truly aren't listening and don't understand.Forgive, sounds goodForget, I?m not sure I couldThey say time heals everythingBut I?m still waitingI?m through with doubtThere?s nothing left for me to figure outI?ve paid a priceAnd I?ll keep payingI?m not ready to make niceI?m not ready to back downI?m still mad as hell andI don?t have time to go round and round and roundIt?s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn?t if I could?Cause I?m mad as hellCan?t bring myself to do what it is you think I shouldI know you saidCan?t you just get over itIt turned my whole world aroundAnd I kind of like itI made my bed and I sleep like a babyWith ...
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