Emotional Abuse and Your Faith

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Cause of the broken family: Fleeing feet or flying fists?
2009-07-22 19:47:00
From time to time I receive a comment about how staying within an abusive environment, and submitting to an abusive man brings healing to a family. How?Your chaste behavior towards a person that is beating you will turn their ways around. You are asked to suffer like the slaves were asked to in scripture, because it does mention the submit part for wives shortly afterwards. You are told to suffer as Jesus did for us! God is calling you to SUFFER for HIM!We read in the bible many times in which people fled from danger, because God opened the door for escape. Jesus did this. David did this. We find stories of people hiding others, and lying to authorities about their presence there to save the lives of those that are hidden. You are told those don't count. WELL It Worked FOR ME!Do we say to missionaries that are persecuted to death that they were at fault because they didn't LOVE their enemy the right way? What about the verse that says, ?Ask for it, believing, and it will be done.?...
More About: Family , Flying , Feet , Broken

Abuse in the Spiritual Realm
2009-07-18 19:57:00
Once in a while you come across a very moving video regarding dealing with domestic violence within the church. Spiritual Help for the Abuse d is a very pretty and moving video.I wanted to share this. Speaking about this domestic violence within the home is the first step toward healing. There are alot of places of worship that encourage the silence, but that is not what the Bible states is to happen. The truth is to be brought into the light, because that is what God's word says.Truth is what brings healing, and not silence as a tool for the sacrifice for others not wishing to face it.
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Saddleback's Tom Holladay Back pedal about domestic violence
2009-07-17 02:18:00
Saddleback removes audio clip saying abuse no excuse for divorce , but it took them HOW LONG to come up with an excuse as to WHY?I guess Saddleback didn't have their damage control together fast enough when they decided they made silly and dangerous remarks about domestic violence. They decided months later to let the world know about their error at abpnews.com, but NOT leave any explanation or explain themselves at the time. Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense."I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'" He let the Baptist news outlet know his statement had to do with other forms of domestic violence, and you seem to have the right to leave ONLY if physical abuse is present now. It took how many months to come up with this...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Back , Domestic Violence , Pedal

Carter Speaks out about Treatment of women of faith, and how it encourages
2009-07-14 03:47:00
I ran across this article today regarding our former President Carter , and how he feels that faiths have been doing women (in some sectors of course) a disservice. That they are using cherry picked scripture to keep them in a inferior position, and he feels its against scripture.The words of God do not justify cruelty to women, and when I read that I almost fell off my chair today.He seemed have joined an organization called The Elders, and they wish to speak about things that seem more like 'tradition' or 'culture' than truth when it comes to issues like women's rights in this aspect. I was floored when I came across this. Churches for the most part don't wish to acknowledge this is happening, and here comes a gentleman that is willing to bring the truth into the light!He also has decided after MANY years to leave the Baptist church over their view of women in scripture.I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith i...
More About: Women , Faith , Treatment , Domestic abuse

Narcississm - Its all about Him
2009-05-21 16:05:00
Blog talk radio interview with Barbara from Sanctuary for the Abused, and she is interviewed about Narcissism . All About Him speaks about what is a narcissist, and how to identify a narcissistic behavior.This isn't a gender issue again, and its a good interview if you have questions about Narcissism.
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Saudi Judge gives ignorant excuses for domestic violence. Are we much bett
2009-05-13 16:24:00
Cnn.com was quoted this week:Judge Hamad Al-Razine said that "if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment."The judge also ignorantly stated:Al-Razine "also pointed out that women's indecent behavior and use of offensive words against their husbands were some of the reasons for domestic violence in the country," it added.We can all see the ignorance in those comments about what domestic violence actually is. The blog world is on fire about the judges comments, and people are making comments about how backwards this thinking is. That's being NICE!As the author at It Dawned on Me statedI lived in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia for 14 months many years ago. Every time I see stories like this, it makes me angry. This is yet another example of men?and this time validated b...
More About: Muslim , Domestic , Violence

Communication Breakdown?
2009-05-12 16:44:00
I just don't understand HOW people can push the 'communication' card, and then ask you to do the opposite...and then wonder why it doesn't work for people. All to often I see counterdictions, and enables communication breakdown. Here is an example!At the present time, my husband and I are struggling with our marriage. I am trying to be more solicitous in that I am asking his permission or what his thoughts are versus saying, "I'm going to do this...".The other day, a friend wanted to me to go out with her but we had three children at the house so I asked him, "Would you mind if I went...?" He reacted negatively and said, "Well, I suppose but I wanted lay down and I can't do that with unless you are watching the kids." Now, this was said in a negative manner and with an air of guilt, which has been one of my issues with him---his controlling/doing things through guilt or fear.I choose to let him lay down and went with my friend later. However, I'm left with the same feelings o...
More About: Communication

Cheating or beating--which is worse?
2009-05-06 14:47:00
I saw a thread on Ibelieve.com about if you had to have ONE happen which would be worse? Cheating or Beating ?It was an interesting thread to read, because as you know churches tend to push the cheating card only. Overall which was the biggest fear, or considered the worse? Beating.They spoke of the dynamics that may come with the beating part compared to the cheating part. The biggest factor was fear. Fear for their live. How beating isn't normally the only thing you deal with.Of course you had those that threw in the 'one time' only deal, and I sat their scratching my head. So if you spouse beat the stuffing out of you ONE time you wouldn't be afraid of them? I'm sorry but if people can't admit that its pride. Someone finally mentioned how its strange how pastors will only acknowledge the cheating part as excuse to separate or divorce. Funny because the poll showed overwhelmingly the women would rather be cheated on.Cheating or Beating -- which is worse? It was an i...

Faith Board Enables Emotional Abuse Part Two
2009-05-05 12:17:00
I guess Family Life got an earful or something, because they decided they were going to 'change' the article. I have to say - it didn't make it any better. This faith board is still enabling emotional abuse.Do you have a one-way marriage?See yesterdays post, Faith Board Enables Emotional Abuse to see where we left off.Editor?s note: One of the most difficult issues to address today is, ?How long do you stay in a very unhappy marriage?? In the following article an anonymous wife describes her experiences and what God has taught her during a long, difficult relationship. It also sparked some interesting discussion in our comments section (see end of article) after it was sent by e-mail in the May 2009 issue of The Family Room. To provide greater context to the story and to address some misunderstandings, we worked with the writer to make revisions on May 4, 2009. Ahem. I don't think there were many misunderstandings. Just because they changed the slant a bit to making her 'choice...
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Faith Site Enables Emotional Abuse?
2009-05-02 22:11:00
I read an article on Family Life recently. The title of the article was Do You Have a One-Way Marriage? I was appalled that a faith site would enable emotional abuse, and somehow feel its okay to show others how the author endured the emotional abuse...and to show how YOU can TOO! What is wrong with this world!Before you can know that peace and joy, you have a huge decision to make. Will you love Jesus more than you love yourself? How far are you willing to go in this love relationship? What holds you back? The better you know God?s character, the more your fears will dissolve. You cannot lose by living life God?s way.Over the years my husband has been out of work several times. One of those times, he didn?t bother seeking a new job. He sat and played solitaire every day or watched television. This went on for a year and a half. I had a little part-time job, and when our extended family asked if I would get a full-time job, I said, ?No. He needs the pressure.?Of course, after many m...
More About: Abuse , Faith , Site , Emotional

Commercial showing the cycle of abuse
2009-04-30 15:30:00
I found this commercial online about the cycle of domestic violence or domestic abuse. It seems to be a series, and is made in more than one language. Instead of showing all the different videos I found one with all of them in a row. Its shows the story of how a son grew up with domestic violence, and the cycle continued in his generation.Village of Men Domestic Violence PSA - English from Jon Strocel on Vimeo.This commercial shows a man that was brave enough to get help for himself and his family...and stop the cycle of abuse within his family.
More About: Abuse , Commercial , Cycle

I'm Honored!
2009-04-29 15:17:00
Just Be Real Left me a note yesterday!Hannah, I have an award waiting for you in the post "Just Be Real Award." Come by and take of it dear one! Isn't it pretty? Talk about someone with talent there huh? I love those birds!What a sweet honor - Thank you Just Be Real! I placed it on my sidebar as well! Everyone should go over to the blog, and check out the neat collection of blogs she has awarded to others as well! WHILE you are there - check out Just Be Real and as well!Thank you Lets Be Real - I'm truly honored!

Another Pro Life Movement - Domestic Violence
2009-04-28 23:10:00
The Other Pro-Life Movement was an article I was reading on Today's Christian Woman. It was about: How to recognize and help rescue the battered women among us Authored by Corrie Cutrer.Many years ago Catherine Clark Kroeger faced a decision that would influence her life's course. Serving alongside her pastor husband, Catherine became aware of a woman in her church whose husband was physically abusing her.Incredibly, several influential church leaders discouraged Catherine from getting too involved. "To them, I was destroying the home by encouraging the woman to get away from the abuse," she remembers.Then Catherine received a call from the battered woman's counselor, who said, "You've got to get either the husband or the wife out of the home, or you're going to have a murder."So Catherine drove to the woman's house to pick her up and help her find shelter. "I decided preserving the life was more important at that time than preserving the family," Catherine says. It wasn't a...
More About: Domestic , Pro-Life , Violence , Domestic Violence

Churches Becoming Shelters for Domestic Violence Victims
2009-04-27 13:43:00
I saw this story recently, and it was based in Hawaii, and I have to admit my jaded side came out. Churches Could Soon Become Shelters for Domestic Violence Victims ? 'Don't count on it' was my first reaction. I realize that isn't the best reaction, but it was coming from my GUT and experience.KHON out of Hawaii mentioned due to huge budget cuts, etc they are looking to the church to help with this issue. They feel that it may cut close to the separation of church and state, but many other programs such as homelessness and food pantries are supplemented by churches. They hope the church will stand up and be counted, because its a HUGE need!I hope they do to, but I wouldn't place any bets on it! You may get a couple of churches that did bother to educate themselves, but that's all you will get. A VERY small number!Shelters need partnerships with churchesBefore anyone gets upset with me lets keep in mind that not all shelters are alike. Some may have volunteers that are MORE trai...
More About: Domestic Violence

It Takes Two To Tango!
2009-04-25 17:44:00
I have heard and read way to often the 'two to tango' phrase when people were confronted by hurtful cruel acts of a person acting abusive. Remember ABUSE IS A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR! I will admit at times early before I knew what I was dealing with I tended to engage with abusive people when I should have just choose another form of communication. I don't know how many times I have heard people state to others that they don't have to fight. You make a choice NOT TO! What people didn't realize is that can backfire on you as well. It reminds me of the time in school in which a bully approached me in the lunch room, and I spoke to my mother about my fear. She told me I had a choice to turn and walk away. I told her this person would jump me at that point. Instead of acknowledging that point she told me not to be silly about this.I think I learned from childhood how to detach from a situation, and I have to say it has its place. I won't tell you its the best way to handle t...
More About: Narcissism , Tango , Narcissist

Online Abuse Support Board
2009-04-19 17:04:00
I mentioned a new Online Abuse Support board a couple of months ago, and they have now started a home page and permanent address. Our Place has a new address, and I would encourage those readers that could use some real time support to go and check it out.They recently put a page up that speaks about some of the adminstrators, under the Who Are We? page, and also have a quick link to the forum.I personally have found alot of the contributors very helpful to me, along with so many others. They do have a faith section as well.If you feel that you could use some support, and you are not clear where to turn I would encourage you to come to Our Place. There are also other places of support that I have listed in the past, and have tried to post them in the link section of my blog. This has a been a good place for support of abused women, support of abused husbands, and YES there has been children there was well! They have had people from all walks of life come there, and many discussions ...
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Escape Button
2009-04-17 20:36:00
I made an escape button today. When you click on that escape button you will be sent to google.com.I figured I would share the html in case anyone else wished to place that on their blog.Click on the graphic below to understand what I'm talking about!I have placed the html code in a scroll box below, and all you have to do is copy it and paste it into a html gadget for blogger.Delete theat the beginning, and the at the end. I can't figure out HOW to delete it! Use your notepad program on your computer to do this. Other programs strip the html in a way that is NOT use able.
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Emotional Abuse and Your Faith Interviewed
2009-04-10 23:09:00
Recently, Waneta Dawn author of Behind the Hedge and myself (Hannah Thomas) of Emotional Abuse and Your Faith were interviewed on Blog Talk Radio by Sista Girl Speaks Up. She also had on her show two gentlemen: James Walker and Pastor Arthur Thompson.I thought I would post it in case anyone was interested in listening to us speak about domestic violence within the church.
More About: Suffering

Wives, Submit to your Husbands?
2009-04-05 21:53:00
I saw a video posted on YouTube that I wanted to share. It was a man that was responding to something he said joking around, and someone took it really serious. He was then reminded of his leadership and authority within the home. He was joking about pets in the family, and how certain dogs were HIS and the others were his wifes! He was being humorous. Here is his response about how men can take advantage of certain verses - even about Wives , Submit to your Husbands ! He was addressing the person reminding him about his authority.There always seems to one that has to bring up the verse in Genesis (3:16), and how God placed the order down there. I have to scratch my head in confusion everytime someone does this. We are talking about a curse - which I would assume to MOST people would be mean 'bad' no? The man will rule over her being a curse, and yet it is used as tool to have women obey men seems to contradicts how you are to deal with curses. I mean if you know God had cursed s...

Muslim women speak out about domestic violence
2009-03-31 16:19:00
The Buffalo news has a story about some Muslim Women in the Buffalo area that are SPEAKING OUT against what had happened to Aasiya Zubair Hassan, and about martial abuse within the Muslim home as well.We hear alot about the silence in the Muslim community over this awful tragedy, but there have been those that are speaking out!They also want to give people a glimpse of what the lives of Muslim women in Western New York are like. Because those lives, they admit, often seem to outsiders to be shrouded in mystery.It’s easy for people to see the garb they wear, the women said, and make assumptions about female repression in Muslim- American culture, especially where career opportunities and marital relationships are concerned.“It bothers me that the headscarf is such a barrier,” said Ahmed, 38.The three women said they do see one great good arising from the horrific death of Aasiya Hassan: a new openness about domestic violence, both within and outside of Muslim relationships.“S...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Speak

Group will bring HOPE to local Parishes!
2009-03-30 15:45:00
Catholic San Francisco has a group of people in San Franciso, California to help bring a light of HOPE to local Parishes! They will to help their local churches have an resource to deal with the evil of domestic violence.The Ministers of Light, an emerging group organized by lay Catholics in the Archdiocese of San Francisco, aims to shine a torch in a very dark place - the lives of those suffering from the effects of domestic violence.The group looks to fill a gap in the pastoral care available for fellow survivors and to raise awareness of domestic violence in local parishes, Marisela Sookraj, founder of the group and a survivor of domestic violence, told Catholic San Francisco.Sookraj said that while faith communities are often the first place a survivor will turn to when looking for services and counseling, many churches are ill equipped to handle the situation. Her goal is to train and install lay ministers to serve as in-house resources and advocates for survivors of domestic ...
More About: Local , Hope , Group

Jason Witten Helps the Fight Against Domestic Violence
2009-02-25 13:02:00
Childhood experience moves Cowboys' Witten to help domestic abuse victims Writes BP SportsHe remembers the screaming. He remembers the confusion, the doubt and all the other terrible consequences of domestic violence. He doesn?t want others to experience what he did growing up. So he?s doing something about it.While many NFL players occasionally throw a requisite bone to charities to satisfy their team?s public relations staff, Witten is the rare breed who cherishes self-sacrifice. He devotes untold hours to a myriad of different organizations, mostly involving children, the underprivileged and survivors of shattered homes. He also recently started his own foundation, S.C.O.R.E., which supports families in crisis.?I?m trying to break the cycle of family violence,? he said.You can find videos on youtube about this foundation that Witten started to combat domestic violence. This is the type of thing we need! Its not the fact he is a football star, but the fact he is man that is wil...
More About: Fight , Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence , Jason

Another Woman Shot and Killed in the Church Parking Lot
2009-02-24 17:16:00
The Washington Post reports today that a 52-year-old Montgomery County woman was shot to death outside her church. It seems they had police there directly traffic at the church when they heard gunshots. The Police arrested the husband, and he is being held with no bond.People's Community Baptist Church in Silver Spring I'm sure is reeling after this murder within their walls. If you look at the comments (from the newspaper links) you do get some crazy ones as you would expect, but one was from a person that knew the victim.This poster knew Patricia Ann Simmons Kelly of Rockville, and I think she said it well!I knew Pat. She was a lovely woman and a beautiful spirit. What happened to Pat had nothing to do with church, but rather a personal, marital situation that had apparently gone very wrong. Please keep Pat and her family in your prayers, and in particular, her daughter -- a young girl who has lost her mother far too soon.Police said the husband had recently been asked to lea...
More About: Parking , Woman , Shot , The Church

Emotionally Destructive Relationships
2009-02-23 01:17:00
Leslie Vernick talks about her book the Emotionally Destructive Relationship.Check out the Emotionally Destructive Relationship! Also check out Leslie Vernick's Website!
More About: Relationships

Men's Group Raises $36,000 for Domestic Violence Shelter
2009-02-19 23:32:00
Early I had write about a Men's Group from Church Raises Funds for Domestic Violence , and it was reported today on The Evangelical Covenant Church website that raised $36,000 to help the local Shelter for domestic violence!NORTH EASTON, MA (February 16, 2009) ? Despite a difficult economy, the men?s group of Congregational Covenant Church recently raised $36,000 for two agencies assisting battered women.The men raised the funds through their ?Flavors of the World? dinner that included wine tasting, a dance, an auction, as well as coporate donations.The community also has been eager to support the dinner. ?We have made this into a very visible cause,? says Kevin Symmons, one of the co-chairs.This was the fourth annual dinner to benefit Womansplace Crisis Center, an emergency shelter, and HUGS II (Help Us Get Safe), a nonprofit organization that offers various services to combat domestic violence.In the past four years the men have raised more than $130,000. They held the first eve...
More About: Domestic abuse , Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Self Defense Lashing Back - do people grasp the differenc
2009-02-17 02:24:00
Do people not grasp the difference between self-defense and lashing back in anger?I'm sure most of you have heard about the situation with Rihanna and Brown in the news. Beyond the glitz and the glamour that engulfed the lives of Rihanna and Brown, who until now had an image of a wholesome lovey-dovey couple, there is the central question of domestic violence. There are all kinds of questions as to what really happened. What seems to sicken me is this continuing attitude of, "What did she do to provoke this?"Notes of This Native Son was writing about a debate he was having regarding when it is okay to hit a women? Let me be clear about something! When we are talking self-defense when being attacked - you pull out all the stops! No man, woman or child should NOT feel they couldn?t defend themselves when in danger! I don't care who it is that is attacking you!The problem comes with some of these parties that try to give examples to show when its okay to beat the daylights out of som...
More About: People , Domestic , Defense , Violence , Back

True Women Verus Feminists ... Here we go again!
2009-02-13 01:07:00
I wanted to talk about some articles I have seen regarding the New Women ?s Conference.First off I don't consider myself to be a Feminist. Secondly, I have to giggle at the definitions of feminism I hear about in the churches today anyway. Did you ever notice they use the most extreme examples, and just assume that most of the world accepts these models? How they are man haters, thinking they are the superior beings, and how they hate children, etc. Why the extremes? They seem to be using the same tactics as that Virginia Slim commercial example used at the True Women Conference. Virginia Slims wanting to break into the market so they used tactics that will make you remember them! True Women conference showed you how that brand of feminism goes to far, and has torn apart the families.If you have to use extreme examples of feminism to me you don't have much of a point. Its like they use the extremes as a scare tactic, and to try to coerce you into their other 'extreme' model ...
More About: Divorce , Verus

Elephants in the Room - Sermon on Domestic Abuse
2009-02-11 06:14:00
I found a video tonight as I was browsing. I have to say I was very touched, and at the end tears were coming down my cheeks as I listened to this pastor preach to his church. He spoke of sexual abuse of children, and domestic violence within the church. He spoke of how scripture is used to keep people within homes where violence is taking place. He spoke of the damaging effects of emotional abuse, and he spoke of how the world (attitudes at times) pretty much sets us the abuse that happens. He spoke of how Jesus would not wish others to stay in danger. He mentioned stories of how the cycle continues. You could hear the spirit and attitude in his voice, and you could HEAR the urgency! How its the most unreported crime, and yet the stats are awful as they are. Its about 20 minutes long, and towards the beginning his mic goes out! LOL Its about 10 seconds, and you see a lady RUN up and hand him a replacement! So its NOT your computer! Just wanted to warn you. How people's...
More About: Abuse , Domestic , Sermon , Domestic abuse , Room

Sheriff's corporal offers domestic violence program to churches
2009-02-03 16:18:00
The Murfeeesboro Post had an article about the police officer pictured, and son of a preacher that offered his services for education on domestic violence within the church.By: Lisa Marchesoni Posted: Friday, January 9, 2009 11:29 am Cpl. Nathan Pagel Helping pastors and church members deal with domestic violence issues more effectively is the goal of a sheriff?s corporal who developed a presentation about domestic violence dynamics based on Biblical terms.Cpl. Nathan Pagel is the son of Church of Christ preacher Wayne Pagel, who retired after 40 years of service in Giles County. The corporal teaches classes about the dynamics of domestic violence at the sheriff?s office.Pagel hopes his experiences will help pastors and church members better address domestic violence and help domestic violence victims who might be reached by the church.?I felt like people (pastors and church members) needed more education? beyond recommendations of counseling, prayer and advice to stay together a...
More About: Churches , Domestic , Violence , Offers , Program

Sermon on Domestic Abuse
2009-02-02 15:50:00
iChalice: Unitarian Universalism meets Web 2.0 had a sermon listed, and I would encourage you to go and visit to view the entire thing.It listed some very powerful quotes I felt. Thisthewaith, a minister and President of a Chicago theological school, tells of a woman who had complained to her husband of his abuse and the scars she bore. He responded that her bones were his bones, as it said in the Bible ? relating back to the story of Adam and Eve (?Every Two Minutes? 311). Other texts, such as 1 Peter 2:19-21 tell the faithful that they should suffer as Jesus suffered for them. As my colleague, Rev. Michael Tino writes, ?If a woman is taught to believe that the pain inflicted by her abusive [partner] is a test of her faith and her willingness to keep her family together no matter what the personal cost, there is a problem with what she is being taught?not with her (Tino ?Saving Paradise).?Oh what a day that will be when the words are gentle and the homes are safe. It?s up to us, ...
More About: Abuse , Domestic , Sermon , Domestic abuse