Emotional Abuse and Your Faith

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Men's Group from Church Raises Funds for Domestic Violence
2009-01-31 22:56:00
Wicked Local Mansfield Reports: Church Men?s Group raising funds for HUGS IIBy Rachel BoldenThu Jan 29, 2009, 12:55 PM ESTEaston - Each year the men of the Congregational Covenant Church in Easton raise funds to fight violence against women.On Friday, Feb. 6, the church?s Men?s Group hosts its annual Flavors of the World charity dinner dance at the Thorny Lea Golf Club in Brockton from 7 p.m. to midnight. Proceeds will benefit Help Us Get Safe (HUGS) II and the Womansplace Crisis Center, both local nonprofit organizations which offer shelter and counseling to victims of domestic violence.The Men?s Group became involved with the cause about six years ago, when one of its members served on the jury of a domestic violence case. The fund-raising event, now in its fourth year, began as a modest dinner in a church basement and raised $5,000.Since then, Flavors of the World has dramatically increased both its popularity and its profit. Proceeds have more than doubled since the event?s ince...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence

Pattern of Behavior: Domestic Violence and Faith
2009-01-29 16:59:00
I think one of the most overlooked characteristic of abusers seem to be the pattern of behavior they portray. I?m not sure if that is due to the spouse?s reactions to their behavior, or if people just genuinely don?t wish to see it. It is a huge source of frustration to me.Since every person on this earth is custom for the most part people will have certain aspects of behaviors that can?t come straight off lists you read. One of the aspects that seem to trigger the behavior is their sense of anxiety over something. I realize that anxiety isn?t a comfortable feeling, but we all have some of it to deal with in life. The reason I feel this is their reactions to small mundane things in life.I remember one story that I was told was about how this woman?s husband loved tortilla chips, and they MUST be round ones! He didn?t want the triangle ones. Now in most cases people wouldn?t have an issue finding those round chips for him. It seems odd, but then again it isn?t worth fighting over. Th...
More About: Faith , Behavior , Domestic , Domestic abuse , Violence

The Bible Does Allow Divorce in Domestic Abuse Cases
2009-01-28 20:57:00
Barbara Roberts author of Not Under Bondage was cited on the Christian New Wire, and stating "The Bible Does Allow Divorce in Domestic Abuse Cases"The Barbara Roberts in the article goes on to state:Using the scriptures and scholarly research, the book refutes the official policy concerning divorce held by many evangelical churches and denominations. Not Under Bondage explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims and shows how the Bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.The author is a Christian survivor of domestic abuse who is concerned about how false teaching on domestic abuse in churches may be damaging victims of domestic abuse and their children, as well as neglecting the biblical directive to make perpetrators properly accountable. Not Under Bondage is the result of three years work researching Christian beliefs and the biblical texts about divorce.Sparked by a message forbidding divorce to abuse victims posted on Rick Warren's Saddleback Church site, Ch...
More About: Domestic abuse

Waneta Dawn and her Award Winning Book "Behind the Hedge"
2009-01-27 17:51:00
Waneta Dawn got a really NICE write up in the Kalona News this last week about her book, "Behind the Hedge ". It also announced her awards that she was given for her peice of literature!Google has a really nice introduction into "Behind the Hedge" that you can check out for yourself! You can read a portion of the book, and then I know you will want to buy it for yourself to see how the story ends UP! The newspaper story describes the two awards that Waneta Dawn was awarded for her book "Behind the Hedge". Kalona author Waneta Dawn's "Behind the Hedge" was named first runner-up in the 2008 Xulon Christian Choice Book Award s, a contest that awarded certificates and prize money to 66 Christian authors for outstanding literary achievement in 22 categories. Dawn's novel also was awarded the top honor in the Christian Fiction division. "Behind the Hedge" Each of these books was selected by the judges to be highlighted in this shortlist of favorites. The contest, which was open to all ...
More About: Winning

Biblical Battered Wife Syndrome
2009-01-26 19:44:00
Biblical Battered Wife Syndrome : Christian Women and Domestic Violence is article written by Kathryn Joyce on Religion Dispatches. Kathryn is also the author of, "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement"This article was written about Saddleback Church's position on domestic violence, divorce, and how they feel it should be handled. I had written prior how I think their stand on how you 'can't escape the pain' so you need to separate and figure this things out is an unrealistic view of the overall picture he is attempting to address. The article in question goes into that audio I spoke about, and also another one that speaks about miserable marriages. Tom Holladay decided that he could qualify what he feels as domestic violence as being, "habit of beating you regularly". A SHOVE doesn't qualify you see!Three writers that I have spoke about here prior were quoted within the article. Jocelyn Andersen of Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence and Danni Moss...
More About: Biblical

Gossip? Lets look at the intent!
2009-01-24 18:52:00
Its Gossip ! Do not talk about this! You are dishonoring those you should love!Here are some definitions of gossip that I found.1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.4. A person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others5 A rumor or report of an intimate nature.If you have read anything in regards to forms of abuse like Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, etc. the biggest killer is silence. People can't help you if they don't know what is going on.I have seen time and time again Christians shutting down others by telling them NOT to speak of their spouse, unless they are to edify them. In one of my last last posts about a song about verbal abuse I spoke of a story towards the end. It was about a lady that had survived an abusive relationship, and she didn't feel she could really speak of it.The reason th...

Song about Verbal Abuse and Emotional Abuse
2009-01-22 16:26:00
Those Words Hurt is a song that was on For the Black and Blue. The song to me was about a spouse that threw words at his spouse with the intent to hurt her with emotional abuse and verbal abuse.If you listen to the song it has a ring of truth, but what stuck me was the refrain:Her mind tells her("That's not true")Those cruel words("That's not true")Do not contain an ounce of truth("That's just not true")But repetition("Could that be true?)Has effect("Could that be true?")Repetition("Why would he say that..)Has effect(...if that wasn't true?)Repetition("You're weak, you're sick...)Has effect(... you have no class")The parts in like ("That's just not true") is the things you say to yourself as you hear the emotional abuse, and verbal abuse thrown at you. Go and listen to the song, and tell me what you think?It ended with a story:It's wrong to verbally abuse someone, but should we talk about those who do us wrong?We all know that it's wrong to gossip.We know that we should b...
More About: Abuse , Song , Emotional

Scholarship for Abuse Victims
2009-01-21 16:41:00
Moms Without Kids: A Family Court Holocaust mentioned a program for scholarship for abuse victims.The Women?s Independence Scholarship Program, Inc. began as a program of The Sunshine LadyFoundation (SLF) in 1999 and has provided more than $16 million in scholarships since its inception.WISP is for women who are survivors of intimate partner abuse and are either currently attending or thinking about attending school.Support is available for full or part-time students in accredited educational programs.Applications are accepted on a continuous basis.Please allow at least two (2) months for processing.More information, including complete eligibility requirements and an application are available online at www.wispinc.orgFor additional questions, call toll-free 866-255-7742Women?s Independence Scholarship Program (WISP)Scholarship Funds AvailableWhat a nice idea, and thank you for this awesome scholarship opportunity!
More About: Abuse , Victims

No One Would Tell
2009-01-20 17:39:00
No One Would Tell Movie.

Series on Domestic Violence
2009-01-19 20:04:00
Honolulu Advertiser is running a series on domestic violence, and I wanted to share with everyone.Part One - Domestic Violence Part Two: An Abuser's StoryDomestic Abuse; Bystanders Responsibility
More About: Series , Domestic Violence

Saddleback says you CAN'T ESCAPE THE PAIN!!
2009-01-17 23:49:00
Saddleback Church - Does the bible say it is alright to divorce a spouse that is abusing you? Question 32. Danni at Because it matters beat me to the transcript as I was doing the same thing. lol She is faster than I am! Anyway, here is what was said:Someone asked this out of their heart though, ?Does the Bible say it is alright to divorce a spouse who is abusing you. I think that?s an excellent question of Scripture. It?s not like you can escape the pain. You think you are. There?s an immediate release when you divorce and you think I?ve escaped the pain but anyone in this room who has been divorced you could come up here and give testimony after testimony after testimony after testimony to say that, no, you don?t escape the pain. There?s still a pain there. It?s a long-term pain. It may come years later when a son or daughter graduates from high school and they have to get back together somehow and make that thing work. It may come years later as you talk with a new spouse and an ...
More About: Pain , Domestic abuse , Escape , Entitlement

Video about Protection Orders for Domestic Violence
2009-01-17 01:02:00
Video about Protection Orders for Domestic Violence or Domestic Abuse. This is from the State of Alaska, and I'm sure certain things vary from other areas. It is a good starting place for you, as I'm sure some of it would apply in alot of areas.
More About: Video , Domestic Violence

Poem for the Victims of Domestic Violence
2009-01-06 15:15:00
I found something today that was written by a unnamed person, but I thought it was awesome! It speaks of the different types of people in church, and how Jesus also see the victims of domestic violence. The ones that feel alone in the crowded room.A CHOSEN VESSELThe Master was searching for a vessel to use;On the shelf there were many - which one would He choose?Take me, cried the gold one, I'm shiny and bright,I'm of great value and I do things just right.My beauty and lustre will outshine the restAnd for someone like You, Master, gold would be the best!The Master passed on with no word at all;He looked at a silver urn, narrow and tall;I'll serve You, dear Master, I'll pour out Your wineAnd I'll be at Your table whenever You dine,My lines are so graceful, my carvings so true,And my silver will always compliment You.Unheeding the Master passed on to the brass,It was widemouthed and shallow, and polished like glass.Here! Here! cried the vessel, I know I will do,Place me on Your ...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Poem , Domestic Violence , Victims

Sweep it under the rug church informs victim!
2009-01-05 20:01:00
Someone pointed out to me a video on youtube about a woman that was assaulted by her boyfriend (no longer at this point). They are both members of the same church, and they don't seem to feel accountability for him is needed. Its her word against his, but they will offer her 'recovery classes' to help her heal. I have to wonder if that tells anyone something? You want her to recovery from something you refuse to acknowledge or talk about. She wanted to speak out against this, and she was told that would be unChristlike of her.You can hear the pain in her voice, and suffering in her tone. I can only imagine how much MORE emotional she may have been during this meeting. If the church can't deal with these types of issues why all the lip service about how they are there to help?This is another great example of 'sweep it under the rug' because we can't acknowledge domestic violence within the church, and PLEASE don't go near the sexual assault either! I will be praying for this...
More About: Church , Victim , Sweep

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
2008-12-25 13:50:00
Some people may have seen Lifehouse Skit, but I found a different version this week. I wanted to post it as my present to you! I know some of you may have have the best day due to domestic violence within the home, but always know that God is there for you.Everything!Happy Holidays , and God Bless
More About: Christmas , Happy Holidays , Domestic abuse

Choices to Abuse, and Domestic Violence
2008-12-23 17:01:00
I have been reading alot of stories about how domestic violence maybe on the raise due to our economic issues in the world presently. There are all kinds of circumstances in which could escalate domestic abuse, but we need to be realize that didn't CAUSE a person to abuse. It just gave the abuser an excuse to show their true colors.Because it Matters was speaking on this as well.My perspective of it from the inside at the time was that his anger was because of his stress, issues at work, because he lost his job, because he couldn?t provide for his family like he wanted to, etc. But here?s the nugget ? I excused, or made excuses for, his rages and actions, based on the circumstances. This is the same thing he always did. His rage was always because I did?, the kids did?, if you would only?.Rage and other personal emotions and actions are always a personal choice. They are not something that happens to a person against their will. They choose to behave that way ? even if they genuine...
More About: Abuse , Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence , Choices

Woman At The Well - Lessons about Domestic Violence
2008-12-22 13:14:00
Lessons from the Woman at the Well is another current book that is on the market geared towards women within the church dealing with domestic violence.BibleForums has a thread in which she writes out some of things she has learned from the past, and it does start out a bit rough. I feel it has some very sound advice, and she goes answer questions on the thread itself as well.If you would like to read the author's personal testimony she has posted that as well!Betty Ashanti Davis I felt did a wonderful job of writing on the thread, and she addressed some of the attitudes we write about here on this blog. Her book is worth checking out as well! In the up coming weeks I will be speaking about a number of others I have read as well about domestic violence in the church. I understand the author is currently working on getting a website together as well, and I wish Betty Ashanti Davis and her new book Lessons from the Woman at the Well must success! Its so neat to be seeing so many a...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence , Lessons

Accountability within the Church
2008-12-21 18:24:00
Rebecca Hancock has been in the news a lot lately, and its brought church discipline into the limelight. I know for myself I did struggle with this, and not because I don?t realize that Jesus wouldn?t condone having relations with your boyfriend out of wedlock. Scripture is clear about this subject. To me it was the way she described the events that bothered me.I?m NOT going to say that I?m 100% right here, but there are items in this story that do tend to bother me. I got the impression that she had been a member of this church for sometime, and during this time she was given a mentor. I think that?s awesome! She spoke of how she never realized how they deal with church discipline, and that portion was never made clear to her. I don?t know if she was new Christian, and she had never heard of such a concept. If they do indeed use this tool, and if you look at the size of their membership it can?t be uncommon to know about it. To me this would be discussed if in nothing else...
More About: Church , Accountability , The Church

Senseless and Complacent - Domestic Violence Laws
2008-12-19 14:36:00
Denise and Louisa at ChristmasBarbara's Tchatzkahs called my attention to yet another example of a complacent attitude towards victims of attack, and then another senseless attack on another family member. Domestic Violence laws are to protect, and they seem to do the opposite at times. Most of the time domestic violence is a misdemeanor, but when a family member was attacked instead of the partner of domestic violence perp? Its attempted murder - which isn't a misdemeanor. Does that make any sense at all? The xgirlfriend was attacked with a hammer, and was classfied as a misdemeanor. The sister was shot in the face - that wasn't ... it was attempted murder. I don't know about you but if someone came towards me and hurt me with a hammer - I would assume it was kill! WOULDN'T YOU?BARBARA'S TCHATZKAHS had a post today about a story of a family that has been repeatedly victimize by an abuser. Its strange to me at times HOW people can just take this so lightly! Its ALL ov...
More About: Laws , Senseless , Domestic Violence

Tackling domestic abuse in Syria
2008-12-18 16:51:00
Stop Honor Killings had an article I just found:Throughout her 25 years of marriage, Olfat, was regularly beaten and humiliated by her husband. Yet she never complained to anyone for fear of tarnishing her family?s reputation.?I suffered a great deal of psychological and physical violence,? said Olfat, now a 49-year-old mother of four. Her husband was always accusing her of having relationships with other men as an excuse to hit her.Following in the steps of other victims of domestic abuse, Olfat decided to put an end to her ordeal. She recently separated from her husband, after her children had all married and left home.Although it was a taboo subject for a long time, violence against women is now being denounced in the Syria n media and other public forums as a reprehensible form of behaviour. In the past few years, the Syrian government has held several conferences designed to raise awareness about domestic violence. However, the current public outcry against the abuse of women is...
More About: Abuse , Domestic , Domestic abuse

Entitlement of an Abusive Mind
2008-12-17 14:35:00
When I speak to those that I know that don't have to deal with domestic abuse, or should I say don't really recognize its there is always one word they can relate to ENTITLEMENT! I remember once sitting waiting for another party to show up for a business lunch one day, and the gentleman that was there was talking about his girlfriend's xhusband. It wasn't out of vindictive nature or really anger. It was more confusion over his behavior towards NOT her, but their children they had together. It seemed like a rather new relationship at the time, and he remembers how she was thankful for his help with the dinner dishes. I mean REALLY thankful almost shocked that he would do that at all! He mentioned - as he shook his head in amazement - how this man had certain hours placed aside that she was 'allowed' to vaccum so it didn't interrupt his television viewing. His peace and quiet that he needed in the evenings so he could relax. He really seemed disturbed at his views on how he w...
More About: Mind , Domestic abuse , Abusive , Entitlement

Emotional Abuse Verbal Abuse Message Board
2008-12-16 13:42:00
Recently I knew board has popped up, and I wanted to point it out due to the fact it also has a section for people of faith! It seems to be the traffic is quite good, and if you are needing input quickly this would also be a good source of support.I know I have mentioned others in the past, but I wanted to introduce you to a new one. It seems also very well moderated.Our Place
More About: Abuse , Board , Message , Emotional

Patriarchy Leaves the Broken Behind
2008-12-15 21:51:00
The bible speaks alot about the oppressed and broken people of this world. God's word tells us to help the oppressed, neglected and abused.I was reading today about some ladies mentioning Michael and Debi Pearl, and I'm sure they have some awesome things to say on certain subjects but on abuse within the home they are clearly naive. On the brew*crew the poster wrote about how this legalistic way of thinking can do more harm than GOOD! Domestic Violence within a Christian marriage is possible, and it does happen ALOT with a good article noted by The Dorcas network! There are days in which I have energy to take on those that mention its a rare thing, because if you look at the numbers it happens just as much as it does in the within the protective bubble within the church.At times I get this impression that people are using the shelter of the church so they don't have to deal with life's uglies. I don't think that is what God had in mind when he spoke of separate. I realize some ...
More About: Patriarchy , Broken , Leaves

Emotional Healing - how you get there?
2008-12-11 15:52:00
Emotional healing to me is a step by step process. I know I began to realize and finally own certain aspects of this as time went by. Its not something that comes all at once, but you do know when you finally took that big huge step at times! I remember in the past I would receive threats of how our home would be taken away from me. How he would get everything, and I would be left with nothing. This was a huge fear for me, and above all he knew that would scare me...and that is the reason he used it! Legal issues and rest didn't come into play in my mind, and it wasn't the fact that he would have everything that scared me either. I worked hard for this home, and all the things that went with it. I was constantly told I never did enough, and how he has done most of it. He always had the upper hand. The reality of this was very different, but to me it was a huge sense of fear. He also knew that, and it was a great tool to use when he needed it.When I finally realized that the 'home...
More About: Healing , Emotional

Exercise-a-thon for Domestic Violence
2008-12-10 17:30:00
Focus Ministries has a mention on their home page about a fund raiser the are doing for the ministry.FOCUS Ministries is a not-for-profit organization devoted to offer hope, encouragement, education, and assistance to women who are struggling in difficult circumstances, especially dysfunctional marriages, spousal abuse, separation or divorce. Based in Illinois, FOCUS Ministries provides help for women suffering the horror of domestic violence and for those who want to help.They are asking others to have fun with an Exercise -a-thon, and that means ANYTHING you find FUN! Choose any exercise (run, bike, walk, skip, jump rope, swim, play tennis, baseball, football, lift weights, etc.), set your own goal, raise pledges, and take action against domestic violence! They also have included a pre-printed form for you organization's use!Just print off the FOCUS Exercise-a-thon form, fill in your name and address by the participant?s name, raise support, exercise, and then send in the comple...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence

Jesus Heals Abuse
2008-12-10 03:51:00
I wanted to call people's attention to a woman I know that has been working with abuse victims online. Her site is called, "Jesus Heals Abuse ". I have known Minister Jacky Hughes for a number of years, and she has a big heart for the Lord. She is from the UK, and if you enjoy listening to podcasts Here is Jacky Hughes Message of Love about her site.There is also a rather new board that was created in which as a spiritual section to it, and Minister Jacky Hughes posts there as well. Its Called, "Our Place" Keep in mind at this point the board is rather new, but it does have alot of regulars. As this section is noticed the traffic will increase as it was just added on as a new portion.If you are interested in Minister Jacky Hughes Story that is available, along with a devotional for the abused that seems very popular!Minister Jacky Hughes has done alot of good online, and she also works offline with people as well. YES She is an ordained minister - at least I think that is wha...

Angel Food Ministry
2008-12-09 02:46:00
Times are tough, and at times we all need a little help! I wanted to point out Angel Food Ministry that are about to give you over $100 worth of food for about $25.00 - $30.00! It can't hurt around the time we need a little extra for the holidays as well. Everyone is welcome! There are no conditions and you may buy more than once box of food!Angel Food Ministry has a website, and you can search for the nearest location near you! I pray that this would be an awesome resource for those of my readers dealing with domestic violence, emotional abuse and verbal abuse!

Religion can play role in domestic abuse
2008-12-06 02:40:00
The Delphosherald.com wrote a really good story on how religion can play a NOT so good role when it comes to domestic violence.Religion can play role in domestic abuseBy Mike Ford, The Delphos HeraldPublished: Saturday, November 15, 2008 Print E-mail By MIKE FORDThe Delphos HeraldChristian churches are a staple of many communities across the region and the nation. They provide valuable moral guidance, support and social services.However, the religion can have a negative psychological affect when a person who never feels ?good enough? is caught in a cycle of ?sinning,? repenting and praying for forgiveness only to ?beat themselves up? for repeating the cycle. Regardless of how bad the behavior really is, the guilt and shame can be perpetuated by religious beliefs and manipulated by an abusive spouse.The Delphos Public Library will host a talk on the subject at 6:30 p.m. Monday by Kathy Boaz, the director of Van Wert Crisis Care. She oversees a 20-bed shelter where abused women can s...
More About: Abuse , Play , Domestic , Domestic abuse

Why won't you help me?
2008-12-05 03:15:00
wsaw.com had a story I found in which we speak of here. I hate to say this, but I have to wonder if it will take a lawsuit....and maybe even a death to get control of the church's thoughts on domesti violence.In Pursuit of Happiness: Elizabeth's Story, 'Why Won't You Help Me?' Save Email Print Posted: 4:31 PM Nov 20, 2008Last Updated: 11:21 PM Nov 20, 2008Reporter: Liz HayesEmail Address: lhayes@wsaw.com For many people experiencing difficulties in life, reaching out to their church or community of faith seems like a good move.But one area victim of domestic violence says that wasn't the case for her. Continuing our series, 'In Pursuit of Happiness,' Liz Hayes shares Elizabeth's story. She's a woman who contacted her church when she discovered she was in an abusive relationship, but says they blamed her. "I have wanted to be married and be a mother ever since I was a little girl. I love having a family. I want to be married, I want to have all my children live with m...

Domestic Violence with a sandwich is funny I guess.
2008-12-03 07:05:00
I was reading In the shadow of your wings about a story of a women driving down the highway with her infant son in the back, and her boyfriend instead of HITTING her decides to nail her with his sandwich.In The Shadow of your wings mentioned MSNBN in the blog post, but if you look around - its all over the place!The joke? Was it a CLUB sandwich? We aren't sure what type of SANDWICH he hit her with! Yeah - really funny!PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday. Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.The man was freed on $7,500 bail.Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.Domestic violence is...
More About: Funny , Violence , Domestic Violence , Guess