Sending Grace

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Will The Real Friend Please Stand Up?
2007-08-24 11:33:00
An old TV game show featured three people each claiming a unique job, skill or accomplishment. Then a panel of celebrities took turns asking questions to determine which of the three were telling the truth. Two of the three contestants had to lie and deceive the panel, and the more successful they were the more game money they received.Sometimes we function as if we were those fake contestants. We want to conceal our real identity from those around us. We put on a pleasant face, nice sounding words and do our best to keep others from knowing the real us. However, our prize for this accomplishment is not a positive one like the game money. It is the lack of relationships or weak relationships at best.Good relationships are built on mutual honesty. I have found that my students appreciate this in me as a teacher. I might joke that I never make a mistake, but I use my past mistakes and successes as illustrations to teach right choices to them. The result is that I am a real person to m...
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The Thought Police
2007-08-23 11:02:00
As society becomes filled with more and more evil the effort to prevent terrible acts increases. Much debate is heard regarding how far the government or any other entity may go in observing and recording our conversations and plans. Some fiction writers have even invented the concept of thought police who would be able to intercept our unexpressed thoughts.Of course no one can know our thoughts except one and that is God. However, God does tell us that we should be our own thought police. He warns us that "as a man thinks so is he". We are told in Romans 12 "not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought". We are also advised in that same chapter to "esteem (think of) others as better than ourselves."What we think about others will certainly impact our relationship with them. The first step in establishing a new relationship or resolving problems in an existing one is to have the proper thoughts regarding the person. On one occasion I was greatly hurt by another Christian. For...
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What Can I Do For You?
2007-08-22 11:14:00
Usually when we think of bringing grace into the lives of others we think of things we can do for them or counsel and encouragement we can offer them. We might accomplish this by volunteering at various service agencies or as a tutor at our child's school or even for a ministry within our church. We definitely receive a sense of blessing and of having blessed another.However, it is possible that those we intend to serve and enrich actually feel useless because someone else is doing for them while they cannot do things for anyone. Another way of sending grace to others is to allow them to have a part in our own lives. We tend to avoid that as it makes us feel dependent and perhaps obligated. Yet, graciously accepting the ministry and service of others on our behalf enables them to experience the grace of giving.My wife and I have had to experience such a reversal. For years she has given grace to me as she carried on the normal chores around the house. Recently, due to an auto accid...

Teamwork Builds Relationships
2007-08-21 11:44:00
Most of us tend to forge ahead with a project. We would rather "do it ourselves" than wait for someone else to do their part. I can't even count the times I have said, "If I want it done right, I'll do it myself." Often we can justify this way of acting and thinking by pointing out the obvious failure of society in general to follow through on responsibilities. Both individuals and businesses just don't seem to get the job done.However, in the case of personal relationships this attitude only complicates the problem. Parents know, or should know, that part of proper child rearing is to teach their kids responsibility and worth by including them in the family team. Any wise employer or other leader realizes that if he wants the employees to produce they must feel like their input and activity counts. They must feel like they are part of the company. The problem is that the more people are excluded from that teamwork concept the more they become uncaring and irresponsible about the...
More About: Relationships , Teamwork , Relation , Builds

The Language That Never Lies
2007-08-20 11:42:00
Unfortunately some relationships are not built on transparency. Each partner attempts to keep secret from the other the true feelings that reside within. Such dishonesty will soon bring disaster to the relationship. True feelings cannot be concealed indefinitely. Carefully chosen words will eventually give way to another language.Body language reveals to others how we really feel about them. The facial expression or the actions that arise from true inner attitudes will betray the falsity of untrue words. Greater damage is actually done when there are two different messages. The recipient knows that what is said and what is felt is different.Recently I noticed this played out in my wife's visits to two different doctors. One doctor was part of a large team in a corporate structure. His "bedside manner" communicated an uncaring attitude. He made my wife and me feel as if our opinion and thoughts were of no importance in her treatment. Then we visited a second doctor who was one of tw...
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How To Get a High
2007-08-17 11:39:00
Most of us have our ups and downs from day to day. Of course, we prefer the up days. They come to an end leaving us more energy, a better outlook and positive anticipation toward the next day. When our day is going well we also enjoy better relationships with the people around us and they find us more desirable to be around.As I was doing a study on the biblical word "delight", I discovered a key to having more of those up days and increasing the quality of relationships. I simply did a search on the word delight and found 551 occurrences in the Bible. A few had to do with consequences of delighting in undesirable things, but most referred to delighting in the Lord, his Word and in other good things. One verse contained a principle that jumped out at me. Isaiah 58:14 says, "Then you shall delight in the LORD, and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth; I will nourish you with the heritage of Jacob, your father, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken." Delighting in someone d...
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Let's Celebrate!
2007-08-16 11:32:00
Everyone likes to celebrate. We celebrate various holidays all year round. Often those celebrations include family gatherings or special activities that enable us to depart from the routine of daily life for just a while. We are able to put the daily worries aside and join in the exuberance of the occasion. Afterward, we are refreshed and able to resume our regular responsibilities with greater energy.Personal events also provide a time of celebration. Birthdays, anniversaries, the buying of a home, graduations and numerous other accomplishments provide opportunities to celebrate. Just as we enjoy the celebration when the holiday or event involves our rejoicing, so others enjoy it when they are the one rejoicing. Our participation in the celebrations of others brings joy and thankfulness to them.As the school year has begun, I have collected the birthdays of all my students. When those special days come, I plan to send a greeting card to wish them a "Happy Birthday" and let them kno...
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If You Don't Like 'Em You Still Should Love 'Em
2007-08-15 11:44:00
I have discovered over the years that there are many people that I just don't like. Sometimes I have been tempted to subscribe to Linus's philosophy of life. He once said, "The world would be a wonderful place if it weren't for people." Often those around us just have ways that really bother us. Perhaps they are overly conceited, or very braggadocios, or just plain inconsiderate. Such people challenge our efforts at building relationships.This problem surfaces frequently between students at school. When I tell my students that they don't have to like everyone but they do have to love them, they look at me as if I were from outer space. Loving others in spite of their faults is foreign to our natural human thinking but it is necessary. God tells us we are to love even our enemies. Certainly if we want to expand our relationships and enlarge our ministry of grace to more people we must learn to love even the unlovely.Since God has shown his love to every person at great cost we ar...
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Relief Is Spelled T-R-U-S-T
2007-08-14 11:19:00
For the past three months my wife has had to seek relief from injuries sustained in a bicycling accident. She was struck by a pickup and knocked off of her bicycle. Thankfully there were no broken bones or injured organs. However, she has had significant pain from which she is trying to recover as the muscles heal from their bruising and tearing. All along the way she has had to trust other people. The emergency room staff did testing and reported their observed results. Our doctor has prescribed several powerful medications. The physical therapist put her through a series of procedures. In each case she was called upon to trust these providers. To the degree she felt she could trust them she could anticipate healing and be relieved of concerns about the process. When she didn't feel she could trust a provider she became discouraged and weighted down by concern.Similarly, as school has begun, parents have met the staff with natural concern about the teachers to whom they were entru...
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The Gas That Is Free
2007-08-13 11:51:00
Our nation is powered by petroleum products. Recently their cost has risen and become a major budget concern for all of us. However, the consumption of gasoline has not declined. Because we consider the petroleum powered activities in our lives to be essential we are willing to pay the cost associated with accomplishing them.Another essential area of life is our relationships. We cannot live in isolation from others for long without noticing a decrease in our joy of life. There may be a few who can feel comfortable with a solitary life, but most of us require the involvement and interaction of others to make our days complete and fulfilling. Just as automobiles are powered by a fuel so are relationships. However, our relationship fuel is free. It is called faith.Our most important relationship between us and God is based on faith that he gives us. The Bible indicates that his gift of grace is accompanies by his gift of the faith needed to receive that grace. As a result we have an e...
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The Grace of Sharing
2007-08-10 11:39:00
Sometimes sharing during group devotions isn't much more than a list of sick people for whom prayer is requested. While these are important to those sharing and provide opportunities for us to share grace through our prayers, they can become repetitive and seemingly insignificant in the stream of life.In our group devotions yesterday a fellow worker shared a very moving experience that brought grace to me. Linda (not the real name) started out by telling us of her son's upcoming birthday. Not too significant, I thought. Then she proceeded to tell about his birth that was premature. She shared through tears his struggle to live. He couldn't breathe on his own. She told of the removal and replacement of the life support equipment over and over until he finally breathed on his own. She shared regarding the day she was discharged and had to leave her fragile son behind in the hospital. The whole description of her inner struggles was moving.Then she made the statement that she began ...
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The Gift You May Not Want To Give
2007-08-09 12:49:00
Because school starts next week this week has been a busy one. The annual teacher orientation is underway and has already involved two full days of training and refresher sessions with tons of material to digest. Lesson plans are due Friday and that requires study and research for each subject, especially the new ones. Open House is Sunday afternoon and so the room must be sparkling clean and decorated to appeal to the eyes of students and their parents alike. Needless to say time is at a premium.In the midst of this time demanding preparation I have found a new aspect of building relationships - being available. We have several new teachers who have many questions. Some have asked me to take time to show them computer technology for lesson plan books and grade books and to help them install and set these tools up on their computers. They have been most appreciative and thanked me abundantly for taking the time to assist.Probably time is more precious to us than almost anything else...
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Even When You Give It Away You Still Can Have It
2007-08-08 11:46:00
When something great happens in our life we usually want to tell others all about it. We buy a new car and we can't wait to show it to our friends. We get a great new job and we are excited to tell others. We or one of our family members reaches a new milestone in life and we want to announce it to all. However, none of these shared experiences become the experience of the person with whom we are sharing. And eventually when we have shared them with everyone we can think of they become old news and we don't even bother to talk about them anymore.There is something that never runs out no matter how often we share it with others. That is joy. What is joy? Some children were asked that question with interesting results. One child responded that joy is what Mom uses to do the dishes. Another said that Joy is his brother's girlfriend. But real joy is the result of an ongoing relationship. Other kinds of joy may be caused by temporary successes, events and circumstances, but they have ...
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A Great Gift To Give
2007-08-07 11:41:00
Whenever an occasion arises that calls for a gift many of us are stumped as to what would be appropriate. Deciding on the right gift is very difficult when the person seems to have everything. Often we just end up getting something traditional. Men are candidates for a new tie or another tool. Women receive a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers.Actually, we overlook one of the greatest gifts - appreciation. This is something everyone loves to receive. It doesn't have to cost much and can be given at any time for any occasion. However, it usually requires unusual action on the part of the giver. We don't think of this gift very often because we take for granted so many of the things others do for us.Recently my wife was injured in a bicycle accident. As a result she was unable to carry out the usual homemaker activities. After a few weeks of washing dishes, cooking meals, doing the laundry and taking care of the pets I have realized just how much I had taken for granted the things...
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What Do You Need Most to Help Others?
2007-08-06 11:40:00
Have you ever dreamed of finding a magic lamp that you could rub and have a genie grant wishes? Would your wishes be what you really want and need?One story tells of a fellow who found such a lamp. Upon rubbing it the genie promised three wishes. The guy was elated and immediately asked for a new convertible for his first wish. When it magically appeared he proceeded to ask that it be filled with $100 bills. That wish too was fulfilled. Planning to give careful consideration to his third wish the guy decided to go for a drive in his new convertible. As he drove down the highway he was so happy he burst out singing, "I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener...." You can imagine the result for yourself.We might smile at that, but are our wishes any better? We tend to pile stuff upon ourselves and then try to think of some more stuff that would make us contented. Of course, we don't really have a magic lamp or genie, but we do have a source of provision. God has promised to meet our every ...

Be Careful What You Give Away
2007-08-03 10:59:00
"I gave him a piece of my mind!" Probably we have all said that. Probably we have all regretted having done so. Just today I read that in this day of emails and instant messages we put a lot less thought into what we say to others. With such quick communications we must be even more careful to observe the instruction of an old children's song, "Be careful little mouth what you say." We also need to realize the falsity of the saying, "Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words can never harm me." In fact, it is words spewed out under pressure that weaken and destroy relationships. In Proverbs 15:1 the Bible puts it rather clearly when it says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger."In my experience the best communication is face to face. We are much less likely to speak with negative, derogatory words when we are sitting down in the person's presence and observing reactions to our words. Communicating at a distance removes that referee of "presence." ...
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Let's Go For A Walk
2007-08-02 13:37:00
People everywhere have become more conscious of physical fitness. Many go walking every morning. Others ride bicycles. Still others have a fitness workout either at home, at work or at a commercial center. Regular physical exercise is essential for good health.Another kind of "walking" we need to do is described in the Bible in Ephesians 4:1. There we are told to "walk worthy of the calling with which you were called..." and then a description of that worthy walk follows. What does it include? Four things are listed...Walk with lowliness and gentlenessWalk with longsufferingWalk bearing with one another in loveWalk endeavoring to keep the unity of the SpiritThat is a tall order but possible with God's help. Actually the fourth will take place if the first three are in order. Our relationships will be vastly improved if we walk in these ways. The first is simply humility. We must rid ourselves of the "me first" attitude. The second is simply patience, being willing to wait for the d...

Hurry Up And Wait
2007-08-01 12:11:00
Famous for today's title thought is the Army. However, the same process seems to be a part of everyone's life. We live in a world of deadlines. Failure to meet those deadlines results in consequences, lost opportunities and reprimands. This principle is one that students in school must learn as they complete their assigned studies. It is something we all must learn if we are to have success in life.One of the most frustrating aspects of this process is the fact that after we have hurried to meet deadlines and requirements imposed upon us we then have to wait for an anticipated response. It seems that responses take far longer than the time given for us to comply with requests. Refunds take forever. Raises and promotions are delayed. Expected answers by phone or mail never arrive and have to be followed-up several times. We begin to wonder about this one-sided "hurry up and wait" philosophy.Unfortunately, this philosophy and our reaction to it has crept into personal relationships....
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Pay Attention, Please
2007-07-31 11:50:00
With the first day of school in less than two weeks I will be repeating today's title frequently. After just the first week students begin to have problems focusing on what is being presented. Their family interactions, dating activities and extracurricular involvements fill their thoughts. As a teacher I must be sensitive to the events that are meaningful to them and attempt to connect the learning experience to real life.This is really true of all relationships. Every one of us bring into each day all kinds of cares and concerns. While it may be true that we should be paying attention to our boss, our spouse, our kids and a host of other people, we are actually screaming inside for someone to pay attention to our needs. When we try to share with someone and they seem to look beyond us preoccupied with their own thoughts, we are thinking, "I wish they would pay attention."With that in mind we need to cultivate the art of paying attention to others. Attentiveness involves noticing ...
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It Takes One To Know One
2007-07-30 12:22:00
Often the title phrase is used in a derogatory comeback to an accuser. However, there is a positive principle involved as well. We cannot effectively pass on to someone else something we have not experienced. Grace in living and relationships can only be shared when we are experiencing it ourselves.Psalm 100 in the Bible gives us a great pattern to follow in order to experience the grace of our Shepherd. That pattern begins with our actions on behalf of the Lord... make, serve, come. If we are not actively seeking to develop our relationship with God then we will not have the basis of relationships with others. It is when we look for opportunities to serve others that we are able to send grace into their lives.The Psalm continues with attitude development. We are instructed to humble ourselves before the Lord, realizing just who He is and how dependent we are upon him. This attitude is necessary in our relationships with others as well. We cannot be focused on self and expect to be ...

Pull Out The Knife
2007-07-27 12:23:00
You have probably heard someone say, "He stabbed me in the back!" What they meant, of course, was that someone had violated their trust. Someone had been disloyal. Probably the greatest wound that can be suffered is disloyalty.Often the lack of loyalty on the part of an acquaintance is only perceived. One young man was a quarterback on the football team. His girlfriend loyally attended every game. She praised her fellow for his great ability. She was his most loyal fan. Then she sent him a note just before the big game that said, "I'll be faithful to the end." The young man felt as if he had been stabbed in the back.Making our loyalty clear to a family member, friend or other acquaintance is a real encouragement to them. Becoming slack in demonstrating loyalty could be a stab in the back. Pull out the perceived knife by making reassuring statements and taking supportive actions toward others. They will be uplifted and sense grace flowing from you into their lives.One way you can de...
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Please and Thank-You
2007-07-26 12:10:00
Those are two expressions that open doors and pave the way to good relationships. They recognize our dependence on someone for a desired action and our appreciation of someone who has performed in a way that has benefited or pleased us. They both will enrich the speaker and the hearer.Being grateful is an important quality for sending grace into the lives of others. If we are not grateful we are not in a condition to bring grace to others and if we are it flows almost automatically. We learn the importance of gratefulness early in life. I remember my first learning experience with regard to saying please and thank-you. We were dinner guests at my aunt's home. I called out, "Pass the potatoes" which someone promptly did. Then came the lesson. My Mom demanded, "What happened to please and thank-you?" to which I replied, "Oh, this is family, I don't need to say that here." I won't go into the embarrassment that resulted from the lecture I received.In a society that has become less a...
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Catch This
2007-07-25 13:36:00
Most of the time when we think about catching something some disease comes to mind. Both my wife and I have to be concerned about this. I work with junior high students and she works with preschool children. We are always catching something from them. While we don't want to share diseases, there is something we all need to share...enthusiasm!Jobs, ministries, relationships and about every other life activity we are are involved in requires enthusiasm to be successful. Many people change jobs, ministries and even relationships frequently because they have no enthusiasm for what they are doing. If they don't make a change they face each day with boredom and lack of effectiveness.One young man expressing his love to his girl-friend illustrates the lack of enthusiasm some have. He wrote her a letter in which he said, "My dear sweetheart, I love you with all of my heart. I cannot bear the times when we are not together. I dream of you when I sleep and in my daydreams. I look forward to...
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As A Man Thinks So Is He
2007-07-24 13:33:00
Today's title is a paraphrase of the biblical statement "as a man thinks in his heart so is he" found in Proverbs 3:27. Obviously, then, we need to be very cautious about what we allow to fill our minds. Perhaps that is why we are so uplifted after participating in a worship service. Our minds have been focused on God. Isaiah 26:3 adds this thought, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."While we are bombarded every day with less than peaceful thoughts, we can prevent those thoughts from taking over our minds and eventually our focus and actions. We need to focus on the love, forgiveness, compassion and care of God so that the ugly, peace-stealing thoughts will be crowded out. One author has indicated that the greatest battle going on is the battle for our mind. That's why scripture admonishes us to let the mind of Christ be in us.Once we begin to have this new focus in our mind our observable actions will begin to change. People will see a new person a...
More About: A Man

I Don't Feel It Anymore
2007-07-23 11:48:00
There are several diseases that result in loss of sensitivity due to the deterioration of nerve endings. Unnoticed injuries lead to more serious problems. People with diabetes, for example, must constantly examine their feet to prevent unknown injuries from leading to gangrene and the loss of a foot or leg.Loss of sensitivity is not limited to the physical realm. Today we are often being desensitized without even realizing it. TV, movies and video games among other things have conditioned our responses negatively. We see so many murders, hear so much swearing, cursing and use of vulgarity that soon we don't even notice it anymore. Ungodly ideas, words, thoughts and actions that would have been considered immoral and degenerate a few years ago have now become so common that the disgust previously felt is just not felt anymore.This process is no accident. Our soul's enemy knows that we would never accept this moral degeneration all at once. So, he has slowly worn away our moral and ...
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Creating Intentional Connections
2007-07-20 11:56:00
The second law of thermodynamics essentially says that left alone things tend to disintegrate. That is also true in regard to relationships, friendships and acquaintances. All of these connections require active attention in order for them to survive and become stronger.Just think back over the years. Depending on your age you probably have lost contact with many who at one time were close. When I was in sixth grade I had three cousins who were with me in my classroom. Today I am really out of touch with all of them. My high school class has a reunion periodically, but I haven't been able to get to one due to living hundreds of miles from my home town. I have had some contact with a few in recent years, but in most cases I don't even know where they are. The same is true for my college buddies. Then since my jobs (pastor and school teacher) have taken me from Michigan to Illinois to Texas and now Indiana, there are many former friendships that have diminished due to distance and t...
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Silence May Not Be Golden
2007-07-19 11:07:00
Have you noticed that nearly everyone seems to be wired for sound? Teens and adults alike can't seem to set aside the headphones, cell phones, radio and TV. Whenever I take my junior high students on a field trip the first thing they ask is whether they can take along their listening devices. If they don't have MP3 or CD players they want the radio playing. I don't care for all the "noise" on the radio so I usually tell them that silence is golden.In the last couple of years I have noticed that adults jogging are also always wired for sound. Then with the popularity of cell phones people are on the phone at restaurants, while driving, or even while out for a walk. I keep asking myself why people can't realize that silence is golden.Then something happened to me. On Monday my phone provider went bankrupt and abruptly ceased operation for all 200,000 of us who were its customers. Suddenly there was no phone ringing at our house and we couldn't call anyone. It brought panic. What ...
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Compassion
2007-07-18 11:13:00
"I cried because I had no shoes, 'till I met a man who had no feet." Often we get so wound up in focusing on our own wants and needs that we completely overlook the fact that for the most part we are quite blessed. However, because we live in a stuff oriented society we think we need more. This emphasis causes us to have attitudes that keep us from reaching out to others.Two attitudes that stifle our responsiveness to others are apathy and empathy. Neither of them motivates us to do anything about people's needs. Apathy simply is not caring or even noticing the needs of others. Most of us are not so self-centered that we fall into that category. However, the empathy category does catch many of us. We notice and feel sorry for people's situations, but we do nothing to relieve them. Neither of these attitudes really reaches out to anyone.The attitude we must develop is compassion. Action results when we have compassion. We see the need. We are truly sorry about it. Then we do somet...
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Dependability
2007-07-17 11:42:00
"I'll get that done right away." "The check is in the mail." "Consider it done." These are all statements people have made to us expressing assurance that we need not be concerned about the issue at hand. Often, however, there is cause for our concern.Recently I made a purchase and later learned that by following a certain procedure I could save over $200 on that purchase. I returned to the store and submitted the required paperwork for the savings and the secretary promised to have the bookkeeper call to confirm the transaction the next day. Two days went by with no call. I called the store again and was promised that one of the four office workers would call right back. There was no call. Finally, at the end of the day I called once more and spoke with the person who "had my paperwork in hand" and was processing the request. He said he would call back as soon as he finished. There has still been no call.Experiences like that tend to diminish our faith and trust in people. The pro...
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Reflections
2007-07-16 13:00:00
Why do people spend so much time in front of the mirror before departing for the day's activities? Probably because the reflection is depicting something unwanted that takes time to correct. We all want to look our best as we interact with people throughout the day. Unfortunately, sometimes all the efforts we put forth into changing the reflection are to no avail. The mirror like a camera only displays what is real whether we like it or not.When the images reflected are beautiful to start with the result may be breathtaking. Have you ever gazed across a body of crystal clear water to the opposite shore and noted the reflection of the trees or flowering shrubs. That makes an awesome picture. Recently, I toured a cave in which an underground pond of water had formed just beneath a magnificent formation. The reflection of that formation in the pond made it look as though the formation extended deep into the ground. It was beautiful.When the reflected object is one of beauty then the r...
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