The Long Road to Priesthood

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My Crazy Week, Part 3: God's Work
2008-02-19 07:01:00
OK technically the crazy week has run into the next week, making it a collection of crazy weeks. While the wordplay is fun and interesting, I just find it hard to keep up with everything that's happening. Today I argued on the phone with 4 different collection agencies regarding a bill from 1997. The twist in the story: none of them claimed to have the debt on file, and would not take payment. Imagine that...a collection agency that turns down $666 from a willing payee.Later this evening, just as I was getting ready to deal at the first table, Mom called to tell me her Park Avenue broke down...on one of the snowiest days of Michigan. Instead of working, I drove an hour to pick her up, find out the transmission was shot, get it to the repair shop, and get home. Thankfully I got the car at my last job, and Bossman said he could get another transmission in for $450 out the door. Ask any mechanic...$450 for a tranny job is amazingly cheap.It's good to know people. It's even better wh...
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My Crazy Week, Part 2: Pesky Bill Collectors
2008-02-18 01:51:00
Funny thing about addictions...they kinda take over and make you forget to post the second part of a blog series. Yes, I am an addict. Not to crack, sudoku, internet porn, or any other wasteful past time. No, my addiction is much much cooler:Sid Meier's Civilization 3: Call to Power is quite simply the greatest video game ever created. A turn-based game that mixes the conquest from Age of Empires with the management of Sim City, this game never gets old. Unfortunately, it takes a long time to win (i.e. take over the world), even if you play non-stop over an entire weekend. I started a game Friday night after finishing at the poker room. I stopped to eat, sleep, go to church, and shower. The rest of the weekend was spent playing Civ3. It's both comforting and scary, being able to clear my mind of all things but the game; I look at it like a vacation...only cheaper and without airfare.My meager ways have worked however; this week I took out a big chunk of my debt. After liquidating ...
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My Crazy Week, Part 1: Back To Work
2008-02-16 07:21:00
I truly truly truly apologize to my readers for not being present during the week. It's currently 1AM Saturday morning, and I've finally gotten time where I'm not dead tired or running out somewhere to write down an update of my crazy life. (me pictured with another Capuchin Candidate. This pic is entitled: "Meet My New Catholic Friend")After having fun in Chicago with the Capuchins, Monday was a day of getting back to work. My job loss two weeks ago was more like a demotion: I was still working at the same location but again as a dealer, not as a pitboss. I still had feelings of anger, revenge, and bitterness for some of the other people who worked there. Yet I knew that I was lucky to even have a job available, and even luckier to have a boss willing to give me another option while I continued to work until August 1st.While I wanted to present a better image, a side that showed I was not angry nor upset, a poker dealer isn't hidden away. I will still deal with the same people ...
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The Prodigal Son Returns!
2008-02-11 14:39:00
Having spent the weekend in Chicago with the Capuchin brothers, I feel refreshed and renewed about the task ahead, the debt I need to pay, and what my life will be like in less than six months. I learned several things about the Postulancy, Pre-Noviciate, and the Noviciate. Also I had a chance to meet some of the other candidates who have applied and would be in my Postulancy class.I see why I wanted to just get to August 1. Not because I wanted to simply run away from my problems, but because the desire to live in community, to share my faith and knowledge with brothers, to live that consecrated life, and to know that everything I am doing is because of my devotion to God. Yet not everything about community happens within the 4 walls of the friary. Here are a few of the things I learned about Capuchin living:We are all brothers and sisters, creatures created from God. That means I am as connected with my family as with people I don't know, as with the Earth, the wind, the stars......
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On The Road Again
2008-02-07 21:23:00
Tomorrow I leave again to visit the Capuchin Franciscans in Chicago, the Order and Province I hope to join this fall. It is a Pre-Postulancy Weekend, meaning that people who are seriously thinking about joining, as well as people who are just slightly interested or new to their vocational call, will all be together to learn about the order, it's history, and what it truly means to be a Capuchin Friar.I do enjoy these types of weekends because I feel like the "veteran" discerner. I'm what they call a second-career candidate, meaning I didn't just come out of college and that I've "lived" before listening to my calling. Because of my unique situation, I offer a different viewpoint to the other guys coming out of high school or college and considering joining the Capuchins. That view allows me to see people from a different perspective, and often I get a different response from the friars than the other candidates.I feel that if I eventually make it into the Order, I would like to ...
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Pre-Lenten Blues
2008-02-06 05:37:00
Fat Tuesday is usually a festive day mixed with paczkis and idealistic thoughts of giving up everything for Lent. However for me, I spent a lot of the time in contemplation and regret.Between the bills and the job change, that final goal of paying off personal debt becomes harder and harder to reach. $3788 is not a huge amount; it averages to $630 a month. It's a realistic goal, unfortunately being a poker dealer again means I'll be lucky to get $800 a month.This is not a fund raising blog, nor am I looking for handouts. Part of the reason I'm writing this is because I've chastized myself all day today for money that could have been better spent. I feel bad for leaving the car business, I feel bad for buying Chinese take-out yesterday, I feel bad because I should be free and clear from this problem already.The reason that I've been so frustrated, even angry, is because it screws with my time table. I will go as far to say that God Himself is messing with my perfect schedule. Th...
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Morning Prayer for Dummies
2008-02-02 01:50:00
originally written on 1/30/08It's about 8AM, and I did something highly unusual this morning: I spend about an hour in prayer.I wasn't on my knees, prostrate, in front of a bed or knelt in front of a statue or candle; I laid on my buddies couch, arms folded and the hood of my Michigan hoodie pulled up for warmth, talking with God then spending time in contemplation.Morning prayer is something I've always had an issue with, not because of my spirituality but because I'm not a morning person. Cognitive activity right after waking up is not a strong suit for me, and I could never imagine saying anything truly important or worth-while when I was still trying to get the sleep-gunk out of my eyes.That's not to say I thought the idea of morning prayer was not important. I still have memories of my Grandfather saying prayers at the family alter (something I rarely see outside of a Mexican household) early each day before going to work. While Grandma was in the kitchen making tortillas,...
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Exerpts Continued
2008-01-31 15:01:00
The last post was a brief history of my faith, as well as a quick explanation on why I feel called towards the Capuchins. However not everything they ask for is about your faith history. One of the key questions they focus on is my relationship with my family.Since I am an only child and come from a single-parent household, most think that my family is much easier to explain. On the other hand, my relationship with my mother can be complicated. We don't fight or have some of the explosions that happen in other families, but my outlook on my mother and my memories of her are a big reason of why I feel called towards the priesthood. There are times I wonder if I'm just trying to live up to her expectation of public service and social justice. It is something I continue to work on.Enjoy.-V-It was a cold day in 1984, and I was home sick from school. Mom let me move our small black & white TV into my bedroom. She was in the kitchen that day with Bob, her boyfriend, making signs tha...

Exerpts: My Story
2008-01-30 11:46:00
I will be out of town for the next few days to "catch up" on a few things in my life. In the meantime, I decided to leave two exerpts from my autobiography-one for today and one that will post tomorrow. They come directly from my paper I sent in to the Capuchins. As I mentioned before, I wrote 5 smaller stories instead of one 5 page paper. The idea was to focus on certain times in my life, what they meant, and what I draw from those experiences. I had a chance to call the Vocations Director in Chicago and let him proofread the paper before I even submitted it. He loved it, so I'm confident it will work out well.Enjoy, and I will see you all again when I get back in town. -V - "In memory of your death and resurrection, we offer this life-giving bread and this saving cup…"By age 17 I’d memorized most of the Eucharistic Prayer. I like to think this is when God planted his seed.During high school I served as the alterboy for Fr. Dick Host at St. James Church in Grand Rapids, MI...
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Quitting My Job
2008-01-29 12:12:00
Today I stopped being a pitboss at the Poker Room. There are many reasons behind the decision. There are moral issues, issues I have with other dealers and pitbosses, and I have my misplaced sense of complacency. I've wanted to "coast" to August 1. I realize that I won't be allowed to be that lazy.Many times when you leave a job, there is a huge sense of loss, a sense of worry, and if the break was intense there can be some resentment. My boss, a good man who did a lot for me, felt bad about the decision, but I could understand his point of view. It was a lose/lose situation for both of us, and it was best if I just moved on.I've already called Bossman at the car dealership. Several times when I was a pitboss, he called me asking me if I ever wanted to sell cars again. They have another sales guy working for them now, and I'm glad for him. My replacement wasn't really the "sales" type, and I was concerned about his prosperity after my leaving.Most likely, I'll simply return to...
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Fun With Flash
2008-01-28 12:08:00
I see those generated video projects on YouTube and it seems so simple to make. I get a great idea, think of some images, songs, even a few key quotes...Then I load it all into Macromedia Flash and I scream at my computer when the test video looks nothing like the graphic I just made. I'm not the computer tech I once was, but I have the knowledge and the basic understanding of using tools such as Flash and Dreamweaver. I know enough to get myself frustrated.That "little idea" I had has grown into something mind-consuming, and I've been scrounging the Internets looking for images, information, statistics, and ideas for this little project of mine. And when I finally put in images and symbols and motion tweens, it all gets jumbled together by the evil computer machine and doesn't match my perfect vision. That's when I start screaming and throwing temper trantrums.I know part of it is due to my lack of true schooling with Macromedia products. I'd love to take the time to actually ...

Music and Discernment: An Inconvenient Truth
2008-01-27 09:42:00
Yes, it's 3:43 AM and I'm still awake. It is impossible for me to get to sleep after working a Saturday at the poker room and then wake up for 9:30 Mass. My only option is to stay awake until Mass, then finally sleep afterwards. It's a new idea, and I'm hoping that I don't yawn while reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians.So between practicing the reading and eating some Taco Bell (Fourth Meal!), I figured I could use up some time by updating my blog.This weekend, the charity at the poker room is the AMBUCS, a charitable organization who's goal is to aid in the mobility of people with disabilities. The people are wonderful, and I've had a blast helping them out over the weekend. This is the part of being a pitboss that I really enjoy: knowing that all that gambling is going to some benefit.As the night wound down, I spoke in length with one of the members of the regional AMBUCS office. He talked about how long he was going to sleep in the next morning, while...
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Yet Another Setback
2008-01-26 09:24:00
2008 looked like a promising start in finishing up my debt. While my hours at work aren't what I expected (I rarely work 40 hours a week), the money takes care of my current bills as well as past debt. I also made plans to speed up the process by liquidating my Simple IRA. I know there's a serious tax liability, but between donations to my Church and the medical bills I'm paying, there should be enough of a tax credit to offset the $500ish liability.I had the whole thing figured out - I even have it all mapped out in a wonderful Excel spreadsheet, until I got an unexpected call this morning."Good morning, Vito. This is xxx calling from St. Mary's Hospital. I was just calling to inquire about the bill for your recent hospitalization."For those of you that remember, I went to the hospital in November because of a breakthrough seizure. I thought I had the total bill mapped out: $591 for the ambulance ride, $478 for the actual visit, and $21 to radiology for a single X-ray. That's ...

Remembering the Words of Martin Luther King, Jr.
2008-01-21 22:47:00
"Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children." -Martin Luther King , Jr. This is not a photo of a 3rd world country. This is the Pine Ridge Reservation, located in the southwest corner of South Dakota. One of the largest reservations in America, it is also the poorest, in spite of the new casino. Tuberculosis and diabetes is 300% higher than the national average, with 50% of adults over 40 having diabetes. 8 out of 10 households are affected by alcoholism.The boy in the photo most likely lives in a house without electricity, running water, or proper insulation. He will be lucky to ever find work in his lifetime. And according to statistics, he will not live past the age of 47.When Martin Luther King, Jr. Day comes around, I always here people who think it's a wasted holiday; an excuse for government workers to take another paid day off. During this holiday, I'm reminded of kids like the one in the photo above, who may pass through this life without a second...
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What Dreams May Come
2008-01-20 09:26:00
It's about 3:30AM Sunday morning right now. The only reason I'm here in front of the computer and not asleep is because I woke from a very realistic and powerful dream. Wanting to savor and share the experience, I got out of bed, made a ham/pepperoni & cheese sandwich, fired up the notebook, and decided to write it all down.Mmmm, I do love pepperoni.For the first time in my life, I had a dream that I was up at the alter. It wasn't a flashback to when I was an alter-server, however it occurred in the same church where I attended years ago. The lights were out, the pews were filled, and from the back I started walking and talking. I realized I was walking towards the alter and giving an homily.I remember talking about how this was my home parish and how this is where my faith formation really began. This is where my first priest (the first one that I really connected with) talked about living your faith outside of the church, as well as helping others in the community. I explai...
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Discernment and Music: Mercedes Benz
2008-01-17 11:10:00
I've been sick the past few days, and I just realized I let the weekend pass without another new song. Since I've been busy on my autobiography, "I'd like to do a song of great social and political import."This one is a pretty simple, both in lyrics and the meaning. I've always been a fan of Janis, and while she sounds like a shrieking banshee at times, it's the message that counts. I'm sure when Mercedes used the song in a commercial, she rolled over in her grave.It's funny...I wanted a Z3 so bad I could taste it. Interesting how things work out.Enjoy, and be sure to click on the song at the bottom of the page so you can sing along!It goes like this:Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?My friends all have Porsches, I must make amendsWorked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friendsSo oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?Dialing for Dollars is trying to find meI'll wait for delivery each day until 3So oh Lord, won't you ...
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The Word Is Out!
2008-01-16 14:43:00
It seems like eons past, but merely 6 months ago, I would have cringed at the thought of openly discussing my vocational discernment. Thoughts of inadequacy mixed with feelings of doubt kept me quiet about this strange pull I was feeling. I didn't want this to be a "phase" or "the next thing Vito's into." Surely I was scared of what others might think, but I was scared about what it really meant to me.These days, I talk about my calling the way I talk about other things in my life. Some have been more receptive than others, while some have really no words to say."You're seriously gonna be a priest? Oh my God, that's like so crazy!""And they're seriously gonna let you be a priest?""When you're done praying to baby Jesus, did you wanna stop by and play cards this weekend?"Months ago, I feared hearing such things, and even now it would surprise most of you to know that these are comments from friends and co-workers. Should they be saying such things to me? Don't I find their com...
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Discipline At The Poker Table
2008-01-13 07:25:00
So I've found another interesting, yet obvious way of helping pay down my debts: poker. Having so much knowledge of the game, strategy, rules, and player tendencies, I'm surprised I hadn't thought sooner of becoming a semi-professional poker player as a supplement to my income.Before you start thinking: "What in the world are you doing? You wanna be a priest!" I do have several ground rules that I follow. As a pitboss, I see people throw away money each day I work because they lack the discipline or the self-control when playing cards. These "rules" suit my current situation, but if you are a poker player or just the occasional gambler, these rules might be of some use to you as well:1. Know what you can spend. Tonight I went in, knowing I could lose $110 and still pay all my current bills as well as a few past bills that still reside on my credit report. I bought in once for 60, then for 50.2. Set your winning point. The timeline on any poker player is bust if they don't know w...
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Discernment and Music: Give to Live
2008-01-11 08:29:00
My week has been a struggle to find something worth while to discuss. Other writers can list an odd happening during their day, or use current events as a sounding board for their opinion. I've tried to keep the "soap-boxing" to a minimum, and focus more on my personal development and my journey towards the Capuchins. Ironically, that may have been why I've had little to share: a lack in personal or spiritual development.Somewhere along the way, I slipped into a "coast" mode with my life. I simply need to pay back my personal debt and wait until the first of August for my "new" life to start. I found myself just counting the days until I would leave this life and enter the next...in a manner of speaking.As I said my prayers last night before going to bed, I realized that I shouldn't just be waiting until one day where I can be a Capuchin. I can start to live that life right now. Each day, for the rest of my life, is an opportunity to live my life for Christ. Why wait to change th...
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Empty Headed
2008-01-07 07:56:00
No no, I haven't been lazy and forgotten about updating. I actually took an in-state vacation this weekend, hanging out with a friend in Kalamazoo. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my notebook and update the weblog in several days. I apologize for the abandonment.One of the other unfortunate things now that I sit again in front of my laptop, I can think of nothing truly inspiring or even interesting. I wish I had something exciting to pass on, like a movie review or a deep philisophical discussion, most of the time was spent playing cribbage, watching TV, and eating food that probably shaved 10 years off my life. (I think Al Queda is using Outback's cheesy fries to lull us into a pleasant and lethargic state of mind!)I figured I'd at least do the courtesy of letting everyone know I was still alive and kicking. Hope everyone has a good start in the new year.Peace
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Happy New Year: Ramblin' Rover
2007-12-31 19:29:00
About the time many of you will be toasting in the new year, kissing your sweetie, and talking loftily of resolutions to come, I will be in a room of about 200 poker players that barely notice it's passing. I have no regret; I agreed to work this evening so others could enjoy the festive night with their friends/family.Personally, I like to think I have more at stake than a few flighty resolutions for this upcoming year, however my goals do require more work. Seven more months to pay down the debt, 30 days to finish the autobiography and send it in, 4 months to finish everything else and wait to see what the Capuchins say. Indeed, 2008 will be a year to remember - and its still 11 hours away.For this new year, I think there's a more appropriate song for me than Auld Lang Syne. I have nothing against it; I've stumbled drunkenly through the lyrics plenty of times before. I just happened to find a better Scottish song to ring in the new year.I'll see everyone next year. Till then, ...
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Music and Discernment: The Freshman
2007-12-30 15:10:00
I didn't get to add an entry for last week's song, and adding this now seems after the fact. I knew well over a week ago this was the song I wanted to post, but now that I'm in a different state of mind it gives the feeling that I like to dwell on my mistakes.Please don't think me a constant downer, as I do love to be inspirational and helpful. Just this evening, I spoke with a young man who still had issues with his mother being Protestant as he began RCIA. I like to think about myself in a positive light; there are just times when I need to not only remind myself of my sins, but to find that one song that embodies my feelings.Maybe it's my unique form of closure: using music to contain my feelings. It's like a picture of a summer on the beach; each time you pick up the frame and stare at the image, you're taken back to that place. You can almost feel the sand under your feet, can faintly hear the cry of gulls flying overhead. If you think real hard, you'll remember the son...
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Random Thoughts: My First Homily
2007-12-29 08:00:00
Today as I prepared for work at the Poker Room, I let my mind wonder free about thoughts of the Capuchins, what it will be like to be a Postulant, and even what my life will be like after ordination. I thought about something my boss always tells me: "I would feel more comfortable talking to someone like you as a priest than someone who went into seminary at the age of 14. You've lived life, Vito. You have something unique that you bring to the table that other priests may not."My mind drifted from this conversation to my "gifts," and eventually to the idea of being in front of a parish administering Mass. One of my naughty little pipe-dreams is to take something from the Gospel and begin an Homily as if completely unplanned. I allow this thought to take over, imaging myself giving witness to a host of people. It doesn't have the true feeling of standing in front of a crowd of people, yet it gives me the change to speak what's on my mind. It's how my priest's sermons always sou...
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The Beginning of the Story
2007-12-28 10:21:00
The Christmas break has really allowed me to open up my mind and commit to writing this autobiography that the Capuchins are asking for. Worried about details or what stories to tell, it took a friend to realize that it's not about the "good or the bad" that really matters.Over the past week, I've struggled with a way to begin this paper. Should I merely write a dry, timeline starting from birth and ending in the present? Should I write a frame story, centering everything around an important moment in my life? Several times I thought of just starting the paper like The Jerk: "I was born a poor black child."The OFM Caps might get the joke, but it's probably not I don't think they asked for humor in the autobiography.Tonight, in an attempt to finally get things moving, I decided to write my story in a way that chronicles the important times in my life, gives the factual history that they want to know, and allows me to reflect on my life and explain how these things have affected w...
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Merry Christmas: A Christmas Carol
2007-12-25 10:17:00
Have a wonderful holiday. I'll be away from computer for a few days.Here's something I hope you enjoy until I get back. Personally, I laughed 'til I cried:
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The Trouble With Women, Part II
2007-12-25 06:11:00
It's Christmas Eve, and I can't focus my mind around the holiday for any good purpose. Perhaps I'm working too hard, maybe I'm not spending enough time with my family, or maybe I'm just recalling the hardships of last Christmas: the precursor to the end of a year-long relationship.It's been almost a full year now, and while I've done my best to forget about my ex-girlfriend, I realize there's a part of me that still doesn't feel right about it. I've written about the situation extensively (3 part blog), and have said a lot of my feelings about it already. One thing that I haven't said, and something I have to be honest with myself about: I really don't miss her, and I feel like an heartless prick because of it.There are still unresolved issues of anger surrounding last Christmas. As I tried to understand what this "calling" was all about, I accepted the fact that my relationship was heading towards the end. While the holidays are neither a time of depression or resentmen...
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Meme: Greatest 80's Rock Songs
2007-12-22 10:27:00
Whether you're a professional Air Guitarist or you just can't put those leather pants and pink scarves in the closet, ther's no letting go of rock from the 1980's. Long permed hair, heavy make-up, spandex...and that was just what the guys wore!It's okay to admit it: you know who the real guitar heros in history are. Did you save that denim jacket with all the band patches on it, or all those pairs of ripped jeans? Whether you dressed the part or not, the hard rock of the late 80's showed us how to rock out and look good at the same time. I don't care what anyone says, hair bands will always have a special place in my heart.No power ballads on this list; we're here to bang our heads and rock all night. Let's take a look back at my 10 favorite rock songs of the late 1980's.Once Bitten, Twice Shy by Great White - Awesome song by a great band. It's unfortunate that the only thing they'll be remembered by is the pyrotechnic fire in Rhode Island.Kickstart My Heart by Mötley C...
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The Trouble With Women, Part I
2007-12-20 19:34:00
I haven't spent much time blogging, as I am straining my brain to figure out how to begin this autobiography that the Capuchins are asking for. Part of it stems from a lack of direction: where do I start? What do I highlight in my life? Is this small event important enough to add, or am I leaving out something that should be told?Those excuses have served me well, as they've covered up a greater truth about this autobiography: there's times in my life I don't like reflecting on. In grade school I was a quiet kid and was often teased for being Mexican, for being poor, for not having a dad. I thought about the one and only time I cheated on a girlfriend. I thought about situations where I completely lied to get out of. For every good moment in my life, there was a time for me to be shameful, to be guilty, and even to forget about.What I've noticed is most of these times center around relationships with women - a part of my life that has been surprisingly hard to manage. They are ...
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Discernment and Music: No One
2007-12-19 08:53:00
Driving home from work after a stressful day, I heard the beat of Alicia Keys' new song No One coming through the speakers of the car. I've heard it many times before, but it was only after a good conversation with my spiritual director that a deeper meaning resonated from this track.Earlier today, I had a wonderful lunch with my quirky yet contemplative S.D. We talked about vacations, my trip to Chicago, the Spiral of Life (I'll delve into this on another blog), and inevitably about my job. I explained how each day more and more people were learning about my vocation - poker players, charitable organizations I worked with, and fellow employees each learned about my desire to join the Capuchins in a new way. I talked about how their reactions were never against me, but usually something like: "Wow!" "Dude, that's crazy." "No way! Do you not like women anymore?" "I could never do something like that. That's pretty awesome to actually attempt something like that."The thing she sa...
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