Spiritual Inquiry

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Increasing happiness: activities and circumstances
2008-04-23 21:08:00
How do we go about increasing our happiness? We have all striven for something we believed would make us happy - a new house, a relationship, or a flexible job - only to find that, 3 months later, our happiness fell right back to where it started. At this point, we may have enthusiastically chosen a new goal to strive for, or we may have realized what psychologists call “hedonic adaptation”: that we quickly adapt to any favourable (or unfavourable) change in our circumstances, and that our happiness remains essentially constant. The evidence for hedonic adaptation is well established. Lottery winners report an initial high followed by an eventual return to their former levels of happiness. Similarly, recent paralysis victims report the same happiness levels as before their misfortune, aside from an initial low. This is also true for less dramatic changes in our life: marriage, income, and the region in which we live, all have very little impact on our long-term happiness...
More About: Happiness , Activities

Trust your intuition: don’t think about love!
2008-04-21 19:27:00
Have you ever been asked why you like someone? Have you ever been at a loss for words? In today’s society, we are expected to have reasons for everything we do and think. Moreover, we are expected to elucidate those reasons. Intangible concepts such as intuition or gut-instinct are seldom considered “rational reasons” for our actions. Yet, as research shows, these can actually be the most reliable guide of all. Research by Timothy Wilson and colleagues asked university couples how well-adjusted they considered their relationships. Some couples were allowed to answer based on gut-feel, whereas others were asked to first analyse their relationship out load and verbally explain the reasons for their answers. The experiment found that the couples who answered based on gut-feel were significantly more accurate at assessing their relationships than those who first explained their reasons, as measured by whether they were  still together several months later. This demo...
More About: Love , Trust , Intuition

Happiness, introspection, and thinking
2008-04-20 18:23:00
How much time do we spend thinking about happiness? Is all of this thought worthwhile? Numerous studies have shown that happy people are those who are less introspective (see Lyubomurski and Lepper 1999, or Veenhoven 1988), suggesting that excessive reflection can lower our mood. We probably all know people who rarely reflect about deeper issues of life, spirituality, or happiness, and yet are the happiest people around. Does this mean that the best way to be happy is to stop thinking? Or is the causation the other way around? Perhaps introspection does not cause unhappiness, but rather, unhappiness causes introspection. There are definitely problems with thinking too much. Almost every spiritual tradition speaks against this. Peace and happiness can only exist in the present moment, and thought takes us away from this place. We all recognize the negatives of being burdened with thought. Many of us set goals to “live in the moment”, and resolve to relax and be at peace. ...
More About: Happiness , Introspection , Thinking

Selfishness is not the issue
2008-04-06 01:02:00
What is selfishness? It is generally defined as putting our own needs before the needs of others. It is the opposite of altruism, and agreed by many to be an undesirable trait. The paradox of selfishness is that, although it supposedly means putting ourselves first, selfish people are generally the least happy of us all. It is actually the practise of unselfishness that benefits us the most. So we should really try to be unselfish if we want to become happier…but isn’t that just another form of selfishness? The paradox arises because selfishness is the wrong issue to focus on. The quality that distinguishes happy and altruistic people from their unhappy and self-centred counterparts is not one of selfishness, but one of awareness. Awareness is the understanding that helping others is actually beneficial both for them and for us. If people realized this truth, then they would never be selfish, for it would be senseless. Thus, selfish people are those who are unaware. It ...
More About: Issue

The dangers of a happiness obsession
2008-04-05 06:28:00
Western society places enormous emphasis on the pursuit of happiness. Many Americans believe it a constitutional right (although, actually, happiness is only mentioned in the Declaration of Independence). The Dalai Lama opens The Art of Happiness by saying that “the very motion of our life is towards happiness”, echoing the words of Aristotle over 2000 years before him. Clearly this pursuit forms a major part of our lives, but is it possible to place too much emphasis on happiness? Is there a danger of an obsession? This question is addressed in The Psychology of Economic Decisions, and some potential drawbacks are given. One drawback is that we may be so busy evaluating our happiness level that we do not simply enjoy the moment. If we recall some of our happiest moments in life, what were we thinking during them? Most likely, we were not thinking about happiness…we were simply happy. Maybe a split-second later we thought about happiness, but not during that act...
More About: Obsession

Happiness: Spending our time wisely
2008-04-04 03:34:00
What are our goals in life? How do we allocate our time? It may seem obvious, but the activities that make up our day have a substantial impact on our level of happiness. Yet despite this, many people waste their days on activities that they do not enjoy, and that are often unnecessary. Research by Shkade et al (published in Science) surveyed the daily activities of 909 employed women. Many were surprised at the amount of time spent on activities that they didn’t like. Now clearly we must often engage in unpleasant activities whether we like it or not. For example, dentist appointments are a necessary evil (unless you are prepared to accept far more unpleasantness in the long run). However, there many activities that we do have a choice in. Do we work longer hours and get higher pay? Do we spend time with friends or time alone? Do we watch TV or go for a run? These are the activities that define our days, and they have a major impact on our well-being. The classic example of a...
More About: Time , Happiness , Spending

Mindfulness: Becoming aware of our thoughts
2008-04-03 03:58:00
Whatever we do in life, our mind is commenting. Whoever we meet, our mind passes judgement. There is an incessant stream of thoughts that is forever swirling in our heads, and they set the tone for whatever we do. There is nothing wrong with having these thoughts, but we must be aware of their existence. Otherwise, we become caught up in them, and they take control. Suppose we are lying in bed in an empty house. The thought occurs that an intruder may enter, or is perhaps already inside. We wonder if the neighbours would hear our screams for help, but decide they are too far away. Before we know it, we are completely petrified and unable to sleep. This is an example of unattended thoughts having dramatic and irrational influences on our emotional state. A similar mechanism can cause unjustified anger, irritation, or depression. The discursive mind is wonderful at bringing in data and bombarding us with suggestions. Access to this information is useful only if our intellect can discr...
More About: Thoughts , Mindfulness , Aware

Awareness and curiosity
2008-04-02 06:38:00
It is sometimes amazing how little we see. Think of a street you walk down daily: Can you recall what trees or flowers grow on this street? How about the colours or designs of the houses? For most of us, there are some details to which we pay attention, but others to which we are completely oblivious. For example, we may recall the make and model of every car parked on our street, but have no clue whether a front yard contains a garden gnome. Or perhaps we remember every bus-stop advertisement on the street, but cannot recall if the trees are blossoming. Of course, remembering these details is not necessarily important, but it is still useful to see whether we can. This provides insight into what goes through our heads as we walk down these streets. Are we absorbed in thought and oblivious to our surroundings? Do we filter most things out, perhaps only noticing the advertisements and sales in a store window? Or are we one of those rare people who takes curiosity in our surroundings,...
More About: Awareness , Curiosity

Relating to our moods: labeling and monitoring
2008-03-31 17:20:00
Moods colour our judgement. When our mood is bad, life seems grim and everyone is out to get us. Numerous studies show that a low mood causes us to judge others less favourably and to have an irrationally negative attitude towards life. Fortunately, studies also show that an awareness of our moods can mitigate this effect. If we know that we are in a bad mood, we can compensate for our negative thinking. So it is good to be aware of our moods, but we must be careful of how we do it. There are two main styles of mood awareness. In the first, we cheerfully acknowledge our negative mood and realize that our dim outlook is probably a result of this. We ignore our grim thoughts and wait until we feel more positive. Thus, an awareness of our bad mood helps us to take our thoughts less seriously and stops us from making any rash decisions based upon them. The second style of mood awareness is less positive. Here, we tend to dwell on our mood and allow the thought “I’m in a bad ...
More About: Moods , Monitoring

Boredom and attention
2008-03-30 19:57:00
Our natural reaction to boredom is to find something different to do. We look for something more exciting, more engaging. Although there are definitely times when this is appropriate, often this attitude makes our problems worse. Boredom is caused by a restless mind, a mind that is unable to stay with an activity. We live in a society where we are engaged in constant stimulation: while waiting in a supermarket queue we have magazines to browse and text messages to send, not to mention the constant chatter of thoughts in our head. The unfortunate result of this is that our minds have become so used to stimulation that they cannot tolerate its lack. Furthermore, the more we indulge these impulses for stimulation, the greater our need becomes. Therefore, despite the widely varied activities in which we now engage, boredom in society is prevalent. How do we counter this state of mind that so easily facilitates boredom? The solution is not to go out and find new things to do, but rather...
More About: Attention

Acceptance vs. improvement: are they contradictory?
2008-02-13 00:00:00
At some point in our lives, most of us have grappled with the dilemma between accepting ourselves and wanting to improve ourselves. Those of us in intimate relationships can extend this to the dilemma between accepting our partner and also wanting to improve the relationship. We have probably been told that the two are not ...
More About: Improvement , Acceptance

Nothing is permanent
2008-02-08 00:00:00
Nothing in this world is permanent. We can observe this on all levels. On a universal level, stars form and collapse. On a global level, continents shift and climates change. On a personal level, we observe the decay of our body, changes to our mind, relationships coming and going, our possessions wearing out. We live ...
More About: Permanent

Gratitude: Focus on what is right with life!
2008-02-05 00:00:00
Depression and loneliness inevitably result from focusing on what is wrong with our lives. If we always complain about our job, it will definitely lead to dissatisfaction. If we constantly criticise our partner, it is guaranteed to cause frustration. The problem is that we give too much attention to the negatives. Although we do not ...
More About: Life , Gratitude , Focus

Building self-esteem: honesty and compassion
2008-02-05 00:00:00
The two factors I have found most important to a healthy self-esteem are honesty and compassion. These tools are far more effective than the traditional methods of praising and nurturing yourself. The value of honesty is that it ensures that we have nothing to hide. When we tell the truth to ourselves, and tell the ...
More About: Building , Self Esteem , Compassion , Honesty , Esteem

Obsessive relationships
2008-02-02 00:00:00
Intimate relationships can be one of the greatest sources of joy in our lives. However, as with most enjoyable things, it is easy to become attached. This occurs when we start to seek too much from the relationship, when we start to see it as integral to our happiness. It is dangerous to seek too ...
More About: Relationships

Self-esteem: Not all it’s cracked up to be
2008-02-02 00:00:00
Today’s society seems obsessed with developing self-esteem. This is particularly true in America, which gives it tremendous emphasis even compared to other Western cultures. This emphasis is justified by the conventional wisdom that self-esteem boosts performance, relationships, and is essential for health and well-being. However, what may be surprising to learn is that research over ...
More About: Self Esteem , Cracked , Esteem

Do not hide from pain!
2008-01-28 00:00:00
Life can throw up many kinds of pain. There is guilt, felt when we cannot accept our own harmful actions. There is the hurt that we feel when a loved one wrongs us. There is the grief that arises when life throws us a bad hand, when things just don’t work out the way we ...
More About: Pain , Hide

Pay attention for attention’s sake!
2008-01-28 00:00:00
Neuroscience research has demonstrated that the state of paying attention has measurable effects on our brain, and is essential for reorganizing neural circuits via neuroplasticity (see Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain for an excellent summary). This This simply confirms what any spiritual guru, developmental psychologist, or successful person can tell you: the ability to ...
More About: Attention

Relaxing the mind: an every day holiday
2008-01-27 00:00:00
The most peaceful moment in time is Now. No matter what is going through our heads, we can drop it all at any time, and rest in the Now. The way to do this is to simply be with the task at hand. When stressful, destructive, or upsetting thoughts arise, we release them, and return ...
More About: Holiday , Mind , Relaxing , The Mind

Removing guilt from our relationships
2008-01-26 00:00:00
Too often in relationships, we try to make our partner feel guilty. We point out ways in which they made us suffer - perhaps that they kept us waiting for 10 minutes, that they forgot our birthday, or that we do most of the housework. Although it is sometimes important to say such things, it ...
More About: Relationships , Guilt

Don’t overreact to unhappiness!
2008-01-25 00:00:00
There is usually something wrong with our health. Perhaps a muscle is sore from being over-stretched. Perhaps we have a cut on our finger. Perhaps a mosquito bit us in the night. None of these things are cause for alarm - we expect some form of discomfort as part of daily life. On occasions we ...

Be curious - and become happy!
2008-01-24 00:00:00
Curiosity is not a subject often written about in spiritual texts. Yet if you look at the great spiritual masters, or even just happy people in your own life, you will notice that they all share this trait. Curiosity is important because it stops us from becoming absorbed in our own little worlds. It encourages ...
More About: Curious , Happy

Don’t be competitive!
2008-01-24 00:00:00
Although competitiveness is often glorified, it is actually very harmful both to our spiritual development and also to our relationships. There are two fundamental problems with competitiveness: The first is that we give too much prominence to our ego, considering ourselves to be more important than others. The second is that we become overly attached ...
More About: Competitive

Why we should forget about our self-image
2008-01-20 00:00:00
The biggest goal of spirituality is to understand ourselves. This is much more important than attempting to understand the world around us. Unfortunately, most of us inhibit this goal by trying to maintain some kind of image about ourselves. We cannot see ourselves accurately whilst simultaneously trying to maintain a self-image. The two are contradictory. ...
More About: Image

Why do we lie to ourselves?
2008-01-19 00:00:00
Deceitful behaviour is common in both humans and other animals. The temptation is apparent. I could write an article detailing the drawbacks of such dishonesty, but instead I wish to focus on a more specific issue: why do we lie to ourselves? Although most people do this on a regular basis, the behaviour is quite insane. ...

Is our spirituality about finding happiness or finding Truth?
2008-01-17 00:00:00
How do we view spirituality? What are we trying to find? Some of us see spirituality as a search for Truth , and many popular religions claim to know this Truth. Others view spirituality more as a quest for happiness, looking for a set of beliefs or practices that will bring this about. Both of these ...
More About: Spirituality , Happiness , Ruth

The benefits of focusing
2008-01-16 00:00:00
On first consideration, it might seem that intently focusing on an activity would be an exhausting or stressful experience. However, research using indicators such as skin conductance and peripheral temperature has shown that engaging in focused activity actually induces relaxation. A popular example used to illustrate this is crossword puzzles, but the same results have ...
More About: Benefits

Fighting for calm
2008-01-16 00:00:00
In a stressful situation, we often struggle to keep our muscles relaxed. We usually find that we cannot stop them from tensing, but that we are able to relax them again when we notice that tension has arisen. We simply repeat this process whenever the tension comes back, which initially happens very frequently. Therefore, although ...
More About: Fighting , Calm

How to communicate
2008-01-13 00:00:00
Real communication cannot take place unless we first empty our mind of ideas. When we enter a conversation, we usually bring with us a bundle of preconceived notions and opinions. Anything that we hear gets filtered through these preconceptions, much like viewing the world through coloured lenses. It is difficult for us to learn anything ...
More About: Communicate

The art of doing nothing
2008-01-11 00:00:00
Most of us are addicted to activity. At every instant of the day we are doing something. We get home from work and start making dinner. As we eat our dinner we turn on the TV. When the TV goes off we pick up the phone, and so on and so forth. We want to ...