Crummy Church Signs

RSS Feed Homepage

Articles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Isn't God more like the original Space Invader??
2008-03-12 14:03:00
submitted by frequent contributor Sally Gates, AKJohn 20:13: " 'Dear woman, why are you crying" the angels asked her. "Because Lara Croft has taken away my Lord, and I don't know where she has put him.'"----------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributor Bent KangarooWho needs Viagra?!? I've got God!!------------------------------------ -------------------AAAAAND.....that' s it. I'm out of submissions. That hasn't happened in a long, long time, usually there's quite a backlog in my email folder. So, those of you who sit on large quantities of signs and send them all in at once...now would be a great time to send them my way! :)--------------------------------------- ---------------Today's short post gives me the chance to tell you more about the new Alltop Humor feed aggregator. Alltop means "All The Top..." and it's really pretty cool (and it's been sending lots of readers my way, which is nice). This has the chance to be a very, very ...
More About: Space , Original , Space Invader , Invader

Then shut the %$&* up already.
2008-03-11 15:00:00
submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreWanna bet the pastor speaks for longer than 30 minutes each Sunday??--------------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.Be verrrrrry careful when they break out the cardboard box in this service. You might just want to sit close to the exit.------------------------------------ ------------"Some people have less than you, but give God more thanks."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchSome churches have my respect, but they don't make insulting assumptions about total strangers.------------------------------- ------------------"Have mercy. Mercy triumph's judgment."submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunchAnd grammar.--------------------------------- -----------------Be sure to check out this week's edition of humor magazine Clay Pigeon if you haven't already!Humor-blogs.com is expensive because demand exceeds supply.Keep 'em coming.
More About: Shut

Clay Pigeon
2008-03-10 13:00:00
In this week's edition of the online humor magazine Clay Pigeon ...- an in-depth study of who is stupider: the employees of home-improvement stores, or the shopping carts.- A new series at CP: Geek of the Week. This week's Geek: The Geekus Rollforinitiatious.- CP interviews another B-grade (okay...C-grade) celeb. This time it's Vladimir Putin's dog. No, not that one. The other dog.- From CP's archives: See what we were saying back in 1990 about a little Washington-based computer company. - The first ever letter to Clay Pigeon's editor!Plus a new Pigeon Hole (Least Popular Wrestlers, 1989-present), a new See Mike Draw, Crummy Church Sign of the Week, and much, much more.I'll be back with more crumminess tomorrow!Keep 'em coming.

Makes me want to give God a great, big Huggie:
2008-03-07 14:07:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold HendrixHe luvs us so much, He Pampers us.-------------------------------------- ----------------submitted by Lauren BinghamThis sign is "wide right".---------------------------------- ---------------"www.getonyourknees.com"su bmitted by new contributor Susan SomersWhat are the odds that, in an effort to be clever, they unknowingly advertised a porn site?(Note: I checked. Don't bother.)--------------------------------- ------------------"Got Jesus? Come inside for a free sample."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunchOne per visit, per person.---------------------------------- -------------------Sorry for the font issues this morning, blogger is just plain crazy sometimes.CCS is now a part of the aggregated feed over at Nashville is Talking. This is a nice collection of blogs written by local Nashvillians (or "Nashvillains"). It's hosted by WKRN News 2, go check it out.I've also noticed I'm part of the aggregated fe...
More About: Great , Give

Yesterday, all these church signs seemed so far away....
2008-03-06 15:56:00
submitted by frequent contributor Nate and Heidi GilmoreThe day after that I will be your bus driver. Then, your pharmacist. After that we'll just sort of play it by ear.------------------------------------- ----------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatTurn your head and cough.----------------------------------- -----------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat"Take. Eat. This is my pastel-colored chocolate egg. As often as you eat this egg and pet this bunny...do this in remembrance of Me."------------------------------------- ---------"Does your Myspace reflect His face?"submitted by new contributor Mike HaskewHe's in my "Top 8". Isn't that enough??--------------------------------- ------------Does your humor-blogs.com reflect His face?Keep 'em coming.
More About: Church , Signs , Yesterday

Oh, the signs outside are frightful...
2008-03-05 03:06:00
submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownSure...the lift tickets are free, but they kill you on the concessions.----------------------------- ----------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThis sign is soooooooooooooo crummy!---------------------------------- -----------------submitted by frequent contributor Jamie DunbarFor those actually in attendance, it's not as inspiring.What were they trying to say there?----------------------------------- --------------"God gave us a palette of colors to keep the day from being gray" "On a rainy day, carry a smile and a bright umbrella" Two sides of the same sign submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily BezaireThis church sign is brought to you by the letter 'N', the number 6, and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.---------------------------- --------------------"When prayer goes up, the glory cloud comes down." submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH Is that Newton's long-lost 4th La...
More About: Signs

I've got a 50/50 chance on this one:
2008-03-04 02:53:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Duane Brown(c) All of the above.(d) None of the above.(e) What the $%&* are they talking about?----------------------------------- ----------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane Brown"Where His blood drownsAnd His body chases my blues awayAnd I'll be okay ..."------------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownThat's because they're always paving it with Good Intentions.------------------------------ ---------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownGod's blessings aren't Targets. They're Wal-Marts. Just ask them, they'll tell you.------------------------------------- -------------- "Macrobiotics Back to the Garden Free Class 3/1" submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire Do. Not. Drink anything they give you at that class. ----------------------------------------- ---------- "Success is never final Failure is never fatal"submitt...
More About: Chance

Clay Pigeon: The Looming Recession Issue
2008-03-03 14:06:00
It's Week 3 of the wildly successful new online humor magazine, The Clay Pigeon . This week, we're tackling a theme issue for the first time, with every article about the impending recession.See such hilarious and informative articles as:- CP Publisher Rusty Gibbons is back with a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Looming Recession issue.- The CP interview with Donald Trump's hair.- Smiley Inflation is at an all time high.- A transcript of Britney Spears' recent address to the American Coal Foundation.- America's #1 Threat is a golden duck.Plus a new Pigeon Hole, which gives alternative uses for your devalued dollar bills, a new See Mike Draw, a new Crummy Church Sign of the week, and more in this weeks Looming Recession issue of the Clay Pigeon.I've got plenty of crumminess stored up for the rest of this week. Stay tuned!
More About: Issue

Yeah! What?!?
2008-02-29 04:46:00
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor ZI can only imagine that at such an event one would receive communion from a Lil' John style Pimp Cup.Joel's Note: ...and here's a definition of "crunk", for those of you not in the know. Nice, huh?------------------------------------- -------submitted by new contributor Nancy, PAIn fact, isn't that the whole idea behind the five points of Calvinism?Totally Rockin'Unconditional Good TimesLimited InterruptionsIrresistible PersonalitiesPerseverance of the Party!...or something like that??(I love the fact that it's not "Presbyterians have more fun". It's "Presbyterians are more fun". Like it's inherent. Like we're born into it. Almost....predestined. :) ).--------------------------------------- -------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix, ALSo instead of sending people to www.bible.com (a real website about the Bible), they have to be "clever" and send them to a non-existent destination?Seriously...did they think...
More About: Yeah

Wait...I have to stop complaining first?
2008-02-28 15:14:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonMy favorite part of this sign: They used an upside-down "M" as a "W" on the permanent part of the sign (in the pastor's name).Sadly, this has happened once before. If someone cares to go archive-diving and find it and post the link in the comments, I'll update this post with kudos and the link.------------------------------------ ------------submitted by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonSo can "Commandment 11" be found at the church or at Diane's Beauty Shop?"Thou shalt not have split ends..."--------------------------------- ---------------"The past is gone, let Jesus guide your future"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonSince when is the Bible not part of the past?------------------------------------ ------------"Worry is today's mouse eating tomorrow's cheese."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHWhich is exactly why I went out and bought yesterday's cat.Joel's note: What t...
More About: Stop , Wait

Hey! I liked 2007!
2008-02-27 16:19:00
submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHe never gets invited to all the good years.----------------------------------- -------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenRedemption Today: 11:35Baptism Today: 11:45Wayward Backsliding Today 11:55------------------------------------ --------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenSo I shouldn't go back in my time machine and change history?--------------------------------- ---------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHmm...can I get a phone number for a monthly devotion instead?--------------------------------- ---------------submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor LaurenAs opposed to...?Joel's note: Just kiddin' Baptists!-------------------------------- ----------------"How you do anything is how you do everything."submitted by new contributor Christopher SalzmanThat's not true. I shower naked.----------------------------------- -----------------Clay Pigeon. Go. Now.2008 will be like 2007 if humor-blogs.co...

We don't need no water, let the &*^%$& burn....
2008-02-26 15:50:00
submitted by new contributors John and Shannon JordanThen call 411 so this church will get a clue.------------------------------------ ---------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, IndiaIs "reguesting" sort of like "regifting"? I can think of some previous house guests that I would have liked to have reguested.------------------------------- ---------------------submitted by frequent contributor Alli ThompsonIt's the adults in the church you need to worry about...--------------------------------- -----------------"If your oxen falls into a ditch each Sunday, sell him."submitted by frequent contriutor Jennifer B.If you're still using an ox, the ditch is probably the least of your problems.-------------------------------- ---------------------"Set your eyes on Jesus...and then let them go."submitted by new contributor Dan CoulterApparently He doesn't appreciate being ogled.----------------------------------- ------------------I've got a ton to get ...
More About: Water , Burn

Clay Pigeon, Week 2!
2008-02-25 03:35:00
This week's edition of the Clay Pigeon doesn't include any original articles penned by yours truly, but that only serves to make it even funnier than last week's issue! Besides, I was editor on a couple of these gems so you really need to go check it out.In this weeks issue of Clay Pigeon:- CP issues a rebuttal to last week's "Indian Burns" article, with apologies to Brian Dennehy. The CP learned a valuable lesson, and that is to never contribute a hate-filled diatribe to a famous character actor again.- Famous character actor Ed Harris pens "A Good, Dead Hittite", and explains why he hates the ancient empire. *- Dr. Avogadro X-Squared makes the case for equal treatment of numbers in "Less Than or Equal To?"- The CP interviews David Beckham's Left Foot.- A potty-mouthed middle schooler talks trash at a math competition. *Plus, a new Crummy Church Sign of the Week , The Pigeon Hole tackles politically incorrect team names, a brilliant new See Mike Draw, Grundir with more o...

Short Memory.
2008-02-22 15:55:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatYeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...----------------------------------- -----------------------------submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatDo I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?-------------------------------------- --------------------------"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineI know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let Moses in on that little secret...-------------------------------- -------------------------------"God, shelter us under your car."submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer B.God, while I'm down here, I notice that you have a small hole in your muffler...(Jennifer and I agree that this sign meant to say "care". Too funny as is, though. This is another one where I would love to have a picture...)------------------------------ ---------------------------------"There is no failure except in no...
More About: Memory , Short

The Simians are unaffected:
2008-02-21 15:38:00
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Alli ThompsonI guess they didn't have room to put how it messes up pretty much all of creation, too.------------------------------------- ------------submitted by frequent contributor S. Keith SuttonI've reviewed this message before, but I always enjoy putting signs up with incorrect use of homophones.------------------------------ -----------------------submitted by new contributor Shelley WalshThis is a billboard from a series of sermons at a local church. I'm not sure what my thoughts are on this. It seems a little "ooky" (to use Shelley's word) to use sex to sell church. But this doesn't drive me crazy, like that last sign in yesterday's post.Shelley also passed along this website for more info on the sermon series.Any thoughts on something like this? Please comment on it below. I wonder what our friends over at Church Marketing Sucks would say about something like this...---------------------------------- ---------------"The on...

The Thief Strikes Again!!
2008-02-20 15:44:00
submitted by frequent contributor Indie Davis, TNRemember this sign? What about this sign (5th one down)? It looks like the thief has struck again!This time, it looks like the only thing he stole were the letters "L", "D", "M", and "T".You know what this means, don't you?!? THE THIEF IS A MUPPET FROM SESAME STREET!!--------------------------------- --------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India...and bound people tend to pray a lot, so it's like a big circle!---------------------------------- ---------------------submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, IndiaNext week on CSI: House of Prayer Adyar: Godliness with contentment is great gain...but so is murder!!! Thursdays on CBS!------------------------------------- ------------------ "Trying to find God online is like trying to go on a cruise in a screensaver...neither is satisfying."submitted by new contributor Julie CoulterI dare them to make less sense.------...
More About: Thief

Just be sure to agree on a safe word.
2008-02-19 15:55:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Bent KangarooI've got temptation mastered already. I can get people to stumble in any manner of ways!------------------------------------ ----------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreThis sign brought to you by the committee to re-elect Christ.---------------------------------- -------------------------submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreI can't believe I asked for pink shag carpet in my mansion in heaven.---------------------------------- -------------------------"Opportunities are seldom labeled."submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OHChurch signs like this are often mocked.---------------------------------- --------------------------"If your ox gets stuck in a ditch. Sunday at 10:30"submitted by frequent contributor Allen's BrainIf your ox gets stuck in a ditch, maybe you shouldn't drink and plow.------------------------------------ ------------------------Remember...
More About: Word , Safe

the Clay Pigeon
2008-02-18 15:00:00
It's here:Clay Pigeon is a weekly online humor magazine put together by a select few of the evil geniuses over at humor-blogs.com (including yours truly). The first issue launches today!!What is Clay Pigeon? Well, to truly answer that question, you had best visit the magazine itself and read the special interview with publishing magnate Rusty Gibbons.In short, however, Clay Pigeon is a collection of the funniest of the funny. Some older, reworked, blog posts. Some brand new pieces. Some funny things we found online by unknown authors that you really need to be reading. All approved by the CP staff and edited (yes, edited...this is a magazine, after all, and not a blog) to reach Full Humor Potential.Make no mistake: We're gunning for the big time with this. We feel strongly that this is some of the funniest writing that you'll find out there on the internet. Yes, the whole internet. The Onion may have the market cornered on funny fake news, but that doesn't mean it has ...

Special Weekend Crumminess!
2008-02-16 15:06:00
submitted by new contributors Nate and Heidi GilmoreI tried to leave a trail of bread crumbs, but The Father's children kept eating them...---------------------------------- --------------submitted by new contributor Greg ScheidererIs that why all the hymnals are upside down in the pews this week?!?PS: What does the top line of the sign mean? "12th Sunday in Ordinary Time"....is that a denominational thing of which I'm not aware?!?--------------------------------- ----------------submitted by Jessy R.I can't top Jessy's story behind this picture, so I'm just going to copy and paste from the email:"The cop who pulled up behind me while I was taking this shot in the rain at 11:30 pm didn't understand the crumminess of this sign. After searching my camera case, and ensuring that I wasn't plotting to blow up the church, he was willing to listen to my explanation. I informed him of a site that "features church signs" (small town?didn't want to offend him if he was a member), an...
More About: Weekend , Special

I'll be leaving now...
2008-02-15 15:48:00
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyIf you are becoming nauseous reading this sign, you are not alone.----------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes KenneyEspecially all that ancient history, like the Bible and stuff.----------------------------------- ------------------sign says "King Jesus is in office forever"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatDidn't Monty Python teach us anything?!? You don't vote for kings.----------------------------------- ----------------submitted by Robert HanselSo we sort of drag them around with us instead.--------------------------------- ----------"Do it now! Today will be yesterday tomorrow."submitted by new contributor Adam BogertDo what? Sin?------------------------------------- -------I'll be back with a special weekend post tomorrow, with an historic CCS first: A contributor who was almost arrested for taking a picture. Stay tuned!---------------------------------.. .
More About: Leaving

After all, He was born in a stable.
2008-02-13 22:01:00
submitted by new contributor Ashley SumnersHi Yo, Savior, awaaaaaayyy!!!--------------------------- ----------------------submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineOooohh...this sermon came a week too late for the Patriots.-------------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor S. Keith SuttonNo it isn't. He keeps on spinning 12's and landing on every single Payday.---------------------------------- ------------------submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne"Since this church is dead,find a closer one instead."-------------------------------- ----------------------submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van HorneOr maybe we're just moldy?----------------------------------- -----------------------"Be His Valentine"submitted by new contributor Jenny BambakidisJust be careful when buying Him a gift. He's all set on gold, frankincense, and myrrh.----------------------------------- -----------------------Sorry for the delays in posting...

Update sometime.
2008-02-13 20:15:00
The interweb is borken.At least in Nashville it is. Both at my school and house, access is woefully intermittent at best. In fact, it took me about 30 min. to get to a page where I could finally post this message.That said, I'll update with crumminess as soon as I can. I have SO MUCH backlogged, it's not even funny.
More About: Update

But how are His commercials?
2008-02-11 15:56:00
submitted/asst. reviewed by new contributor ShelleyOf course, Jesus probably has somebody blocking for Him.------------------------------------- -----submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney, OK...what the heck they're talking about with this sign.------------------------------------ ------------submitted by frequent contributor Katherine TrexlerAnd one...and two...and kneel...and pray...all together now! C'mon ladies!---------------------------------- -------------------"Is 15 minutes of pleasure, worth an eternity in hell?"submitted by frequent contributor Stan RoddaMan, I thought I was going to get 15 minutes of fame in my lifetime. Is 15 minutes of pleasure all they're promising nowadays?? What a rip off.------------------------------------- ----------------I've got a TON of new (and solid) crumminess to get through this week. Stay tuned!----------------------------------- -------------------One week:------------------------------------ -------------------Humor-blogs....
More About: Commercials

Well, since you made it sound so appealing...
2008-02-08 15:48:00
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rachel H., GAWe put the "fun" in dysfunction!----------------------------- ---------------------originally posted on Unnecessary Quotation MarksPhoto by Cicely from GABefore they get too smug about that fact, they might want to look into what the Bible has to say about human ancestry.-------------------------------- --------------------"Attend church online!"submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombatHebrews 10:25: "Do not forsake the virtual assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is..."----------------------------------- -----------------"Home of the Stanleys"submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatSo this church is a bunch of tools??---------------------------------- ------------------10 days from now:------------------------------------- --------------Attend humor-blogs.com online!Keep 'em coming
More About: Sound , Made

The Gospel According to Jean Luc Picard
2008-02-07 15:59:00
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Erik G.From now on, He's only accepting diamonds in the offering plate.----------------------------------- -------------------sign reads "Two words for 2008: Change and fulfillment" submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatThis is a much better idea than their 2007 theme, "Uniformity and emptiness"------------------------------- ----------------"Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind."submitted by new contributor AmySo if we conquer our temper, is that the same thing as breaking wind?------------------------------------ ----------"Love is a decision, not just a feeling."submitted by frequent contributor BRWombatIt's more than a feeling, and don't forget, it's also a battlefield.They could keep using dated rock music cliche's on their church sign! Next week: "Love Bites"----------------------------------- -----------I've got plenty of more territory to cover from BRWombat, so come back tomorrow...----------------------...
More About: Gospel , Jean , Picard , Accord

So to speak...
2008-02-06 15:51:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix"Kindness", along with all those other pseudo-fruits of the Spirit: "Love", "Joy", "Peace", etc...----------------------------------- ------------------ "On Super Sunday, a Super Savior"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Steve SensenigAs opposed to every other Sunday, when He's just sort of mediocre.-------------------------------- -------------------- "What say I unto you say I unto all"submitted by frequent contributor Steve Sensenig...and what you are saying unto all makes no #$%&* sense at all.------------------------------------- ----------------"Flawed families of the Bible uncensored!"submitted by Laurel Robinson, ONA paternity test reveals that Joseph is NOT the father....next on Maury!----------------------------------- -----------------"Arguing with furniture is rarely productive."submitted by Laurel Robinson, ONBut you're saying there's a chance....(Apologies to Dumb and Dumber)-------------...
More About: Speak

Drunken Snark
2008-02-05 14:34:00
I'm over at the Snark today, blathering on about something or the other. I don't really remember writing it, quite honestly.More crumminess tomorrow.Keep 'em coming.

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it:
2008-02-04 15:52:00
submitted by new contributor Emily Monts de Oca, FL...but if you just stay away altogether, then you don't have to remember these silly rules.Seriously...What do they mean?!?---------------------------------- --------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownSo if it's broken I should stay away at those times, right?!?--------------------------------- -----------------"Life been a rough ride? Let Jesus smooth it out"submitted by frequent contributor JordanSo you've got the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of the gospel of peace... and the steamroller of salvation?------------------------------- --------------------You enter humor-blogs.com without knocking...Keep 'em coming.
More About: Knock

On second thought...take it off.
2008-02-01 14:04:00
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Duane BrownOverheard at Pastors house last night. Funeral services tomorrow at 3 pm.-------------------------------------- ------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownWell, it's about time He committed to something...----------------------------- ---------------------submitted by frequent contributor Duane BrownIn fact we're so great, we pretty much don't need God for anything.-------------------------------- ------------------"Don't live life as though you are waiting for death"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire Vladimir and Estragon could use some company, though. ----------------------------------------- --------- "Degrees of sin"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire ...and you don't need six to connect it to a Kevin Bacon movie. ----------------------------------------- ---------"Whatever happened to sin?"submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire It's...
More About: Thought

Too easy.
2008-01-31 15:41:00
submitted by frequent contributor LaurenHe who walks "upright" better not be wearing jogging pants.----------------------------------- -----------------submitted by frequent contributor LaurenI'm fine with the above church sign. I just wanted to post another one from this church and see if anyone can explain/guess where this church name comes from.And speaking of funny church names....submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor ChristineSo named because once the service starts, you're looking for a way out?------------------------------------- ------------------"Those who plant greed will reap a "mine" field."submitted by frequent contributor ChristineThose who plant sorrow will reap a "bawl" field.Har.There's probably more terrible puns to be made on that one. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.--------------------------------- ----------------------Don't forget to go vote in the MP caption contest. Pick your favorite, which is probably the one about the fak...
More About: Easy